Blame it on the circus, I guess. The Bulls’ seven game west coast road trip in November hid from us what should have been obvious. They’re actually kind of good. They got off to a hideous 0-9 start thanks in part to an opening night overtime loss to the Nets (in which the Bulls played the first 20 minutes like they had Gene Banks and Earl Cureton suited up…again) and then another trip down the highway to hell.
But since the road trip, they’ve played 14 games and won eight of them. They should have won ten. They’re 8-15. They’re not in last place. Incredibly, they’re only three games out of a playoff spot in the East.
Plus, when you consider that they are better than anybody in the NBA Atlantic Division, maybe the playoffs aren’t such a pipe dream.
But the calendar says that it’s October and…damn, I need to change that calendar. OK, the calendar says it’s December and it’s way too early to think about playoffs. One big slump and we’ll all have forgotten they ever won four in a row anyway.
What do the Bulls lack? What’s one thing that casts doubt that they’re headed for anything more than frustrating mediocrity? (Even though, at this point, mediocrity would be a welcome change.)
They don’t have what every good NBA team has. They need a star. Stars make big baskets for you. But stars do other important things. They get calls from the refs. They demand double teams which open scoring chances for their lesser teammates.
Plus, there are intangible things a star gets. On road trips, all of the finest skanks are drawn to the stars. There are lots of strays for the rest of the team to pick up. This is an important facet of the NBA that you don’t read about.
Consider this. When Michael Jordan was playing for the Bulls, Ed Nealy was getting lots of play from the ladies. Even though he looked very much like a Weeble.
What chance does Jared Reiner have of getting anything on the road these days? None. Actually, less than none. Right now, he’s just tall, pasty and South Dakotan. But if the Bulls had a star, he’d be in play.
Are there any stars out there to be had? Vince Carter just got traded from Toronto to New Jersey, but he’s a far cry from what he used to be. Now he’s just another dunk champion, no different than Larry Nance or Dee Brown.
Groucho keeps touting Shareef Abdur-Rahim to the Bulls, but he’s not a star. He’s a pre-Dewar’s Vin Baker. Pass.
Jason Kidd’s a star, but he’s got one leg and can’t shoot and if you trade for him, his son sits in the front row every game and his freakishly huge head blocks out the court for the first six rows behind him.
So the Bulls are going to have to go about this non-traditionally.
They could bring a certain former Bull out of retirement. He can still score on and off the court and he lights up any room with that 1,000 watt smile.
I am, of course, talking about…
Reggie Theus!
You could get him for $3 million and a year’s supply of penicillin.
So realistically, the Bulls will have to look within to find that next superstar. There are some candidates. So let’s take a look at who might break out and make the Bulls a legit playoff team again.
Tyson Chandler, power forward
He’s finally old enough to buy drinks at a club, legally. So that’s good. He’s tall, and might even still be growing. He has no jump shot to speak of. But is a tenacious rebounder, even though he weighs only slightly more than Luke Stuckmeyer. The fact that he can’t score makes his superstardom unlikely.
Eddy Curry, center
He’s one of only four true centers in the NBA, and he’s showed marked improvement in the past month. But Eddy’s just not nasty enough. How great would he be if just got angry once and a while? Eddy’s so nice he can’t even bear to tell his dogs to stop eating other people’s kids. He’s got a legit post game and can score with both hands, but he is allergic to rebounding. He’s going to be a nice player on some good teams, but he’s never going to be the star.
Andres Nocioni, crazy Argentinian
He’s already a crowd favorite, but his bad hair, weird accent and limited offensive game make him strictly a supporting actor, not a lead. He does have definite sidekick potential though. It’s easy to imagine him being the comic relief to a superstar. He’s more Luke Wilson than Owen Wilson at this point. Sorry, Andres.
Kirk Hinrich, guard
He couldn’t jump over a phone book so that limits his ability to appear on anybody’s highlight real. He can play, and when he’s shooting it well he’s one of the better point guards in the game. But at his best he could attain maybe Danny Ainge billing. Look at the ’80s Celtics. There was a clear pecking order. Bird was the man, McHale was option two and then you had an ever evolving third wheel status for The Chief, Dennis Johnson and Ainge. Hey, it’s not bad, but nobody ever thought Danny Ainge was a star. (Especially Toronto baseball fans.)
Ben Gordon, guard
Now here’s our first interesting candidate. He can shoot it from deep, he’s got a blinding quick first step and even at 21 he’s already got a knack for getting to the basket and finishing. The only thing holding Ben back is his height. Like I wrote last week, he’s listed at 6’3, which is NBA for 6’1. It’s not impossible, but his makes his superstardom unlikely. However, it should be noted that Ben’s strong play has coincided directly with the Bulls’ improvement. When he plays well, they play well. But if he’s going to be the big dog, he’s got to wrestle the starting job away from offensively challenged Chris Duhon first.
Luol Deng, small forward
The knock on Luol is that he’s not athletic. But maybe my TV’s broken, but I see a 6’8 small forward with the wingspan of a seven footer who can hit an 18 foot jumper and dunk in traffic. I see a guy who shoot with both hands, who throws the best passes on the team and who is destined to make Jackson Vroman famous. If you don’t know the link between Jackson Vroman and Luol Deng, you will. The Bulls are going to finally become real players in the NBA East in the next two years and it’s going to happen because Deng becomes the big dog and Gordon his trusty, gun slinging sidekick. I’m giddy just thinking about it.
——–
Yesterday was he non-tender deadline in baseball, and some interesting names saw action. The Cubs brought back creepy little Jose Macias to waste a spot on their bench, as more useful players like Wade Miller of the Astros, Alex Cora of the Dodgers and David Eckstein of the Angels were shown the door. Jock Jones signed a one-year deal to stay in Minnesota, so the Jones to the Cubs or Braves rumors can go away for 11 more months.
Orlando Cabrera signed a ludicrously big contract with the Angels. Don’t you think Nomar was sitting on his couch last night watching “3” on ESPN for the ninth time when he saw the crawl go by that Cabrera had scored a four-year $32 million deal with the Angels, and then Nomar started throwing things at the TV?
“He got my World Series ring AND he got my contract! And he still sucks! Why? Oh, God, why?”
Then, Mia walked into the living room and she and her volleyball friend Gabby Reece had a naked pillow fight to break the tension. Right? OK, maybe that’s just me.
The Cardinals are currently without a middle infield. Oh, sure, they’ve got Bo Hart and Hector Luna. Snicker, snicker.
They will likely try and sign both Cora and Eckstein, and their fans will get all excited and talk about what a scrappy middle infield they have.
Take the “s” off scrappy and you’d have the real story.
But Andy, you just said that both Cora and Eckstein were more useful than Jose Macias!
That’s true. But being more useful than Jose Macias isn’t exactly a great feat. At this point, Kenny Hubbs is as useful as Jose.
————-
Look out. Here come the Bulls! Sort of.
Scott Skiles knew on December 1 that the Bulls were going to get better. December 1 of last year. Sure, that was easy. They were at rock bottom then. They had to get better. The couldn’t be worse.
So let me get this straight. Ben Davis was such a great pickup last year that the Sox just non tendered him and let him go? Scott Schoeneweiss, too? Whatever. I think the Cubs should ask Ben to joing Bob Brenly and Len Kasper in the TV booth. Bob loves Ben!
Terry Shea needs to shut up. And leave, too. In fact, just leave. You can talk on your way out.
Bruce Weber just loves being on TV.
Ron Zook wants to get all of the good football players in Illinois. Hey, whatever it takes to finish sixth in the Big Ten once and a while.
NIU is off to face Luh-loyd Carr and the Wolverines to open next season.
Oh, it’s just a little decaying concrete. Nothing big. Gulp.
Mariotti puts down the doughnut to bore us with a Bobby Knight column.
Gee, people aren’t buying Sammy Sosa jerseys? That’s a shame. They were only big sellers for six years. Whatever.
Rick Majerus is weird.
Hello, Omar, so long Baby Smurf.
Huh? Three players for one Dave Roberts? And the Padres sent cash? For Dave Roberts? Really? Huh? What? Dave Roberts?
Wow! What a shock! DC has a stadium deal done. They get their team after all. Gee, who saw that coming? I really thought one politically motivated vote in a city council would end it forever. Or something.
The Dodgers finally got tired of dicking around and sent in the paperwork so the Randy Johnson trade can get moving.
Gary Matthews, Jr. got a tender offer from the Rangers. Why?
Rob Mackowiak will be back in Pissburgh next year.
The world’s greatest newspaper says an Austrailian man won a free lung in a box of smokes!
Jackson Vroman? Isn’t that the place where Eddie Muprhy hung out at in 48 Hours?
Hey, lay off Larry Nance.
Why are you so shocked that my son was tendered? The second coming of Darren Lewis doesn’t just get thrown by the wayside…and don’t you worry…he’ll be back on the north side in no time!
You forgot the Wizard of Roz column on Ryno today:
http://www.dailyherald.com/sports/col_rozner.asp?intid=38342157
A Hall of Fame election would be the ultimate belated Christmas gift.
Thanks, Dave.
Of course that article only kicks down the door for the next month now, as we sit and wait for the assclownish likes of the Tom Verducci’s of the world, as they tap their pens on their chins, and search for reasons to stick it to "Boring Interview" Ryno again.
Must be nice.
To be a jaded, sportswriting asshat, that is.
Because just being a jaded asshat, without the benefit of being a sportswriter, sucks dog dick. Take it from me.
eddy and loul are very pretty
Doesn’t anybody know who I am, yet?
Based on my career at Iowa State, I could sure foul. A lot.
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