I’m not sure what makes some of us tick. From a degenerate wearing a Cubs uniform offering to wash windows and “Woo” for his supper, to this lady (above) who showed up with ten doves to release when Michael Jackson was found not guilty on each of the ten counts brought against him. People are dumb.
There obviously are different kinds of stupid. There’s harmless, but aggravating stupidity. You know people who talk on their cell phones during movies or people who buy Black Eyed Peas albums.
Then there’s dangerous stupidity. People who drink water bottled in Mexico, or people who think it’s OK to keep letting John Koronka start baseball games.
John Koronka seems like a nice guy. He’s got an overly tanned girlfriend, he’s dumb enough to be a Packers fan and his pickoff move was alleged to be “barely legal.”
Two balks in three starts. His move is “completely illegal.” His problems are numerous. He doesn’t throw many strikes and he finds a way to make a key mistake all the time. Against Toronto he threw to second on a bunt attempt with one out and was woefully late. The Blue Jays made him pay. Last night he balked Juan Pierre to second, let Paul LoDuca steal second and threw a wild pitch. Good pitchers can’t get away with that, much less the Koronka’s of the world.
Bad news. Jay Mariotti’s back to work. We’re not sure if he’s lawyered up yet to go after Jerry Reinsdorf for accusing Jay of making stuff up…you know, the day after we found out that Jay made up the face-to-face meeting between Jerry and Scott Skiles.
Anyway, Jay says both the Cubs and White Sox need to make big moves to make the playoffs, or in the Sox case to avoid making the playoffs and pulling a 2001 Mariners. He’s right. Both teams have lousy offenses.
But his trade ideas are just so horrific.
Mariotti puts down the doughnut to suggest the Cubs trade for Eric Byrnes or Preston Wilson (both of whom would be just as lousy, if not lousier than what the Cubs already have out there), and that the Sox trade for Shea Hillenbrand.
First off, the Blue Jays are kind of good (ask the Cardinals and Cubs) and if they’re going to dump anybody it’s going to be fat-assed Eric Hinske, not Shea. Secondly, Hillenbrand plays third base like the object is to throw the ball into the stands.
As for Byrnes, we have previously expressed our concerns that he’d kill himself by running into the bricks in left field. But on top of it, he’s nothing special offensively. Last year was his first good season in the big leagues and he only hit 20 homers with 73 RBI while striking out 111 times in 143 games. Jason Dubois can do that, thank you.
As for Wilson he’s had two great seasons. In 2000 he looked like he was becoming a star in Florida. He hit .264 with 31 homers 121 RBI and 36 stolen bases. He then spent 2001 and 2002 proving he wasn’t a star. He got traded to Colorado and had a huge year in 2003 and hit .282 with 36 homers and 141 RBI and then tanked in 2004. He makes $12.5 million bucks and he once struck out 187 times in a season (his breakout 2000 season in Florida.)
He’s only 30, which is a plus, and a move to left field would do him some good, but he’s hardly a savior. He’s a guy who you keep on your radar and near the deadline, if your other options have dried up and he’s still there, you take a flier on. But to bring him in June, closing your other options and hoping he’s going to turn back the clock five years to his last good sea-level season? I don’t think so.
As for the other options? Aubrey Huff isn’t hitting for Tampa Bay, which might make him easier to trade for, but then you’re speculating he’s going to pick it up in the second half like he has in the past.
Austin Kearns has been sent to AAA by the Reds, but his shoulder is still screwed up. He’d still be worth trading for, but his impact in 2005 is cloudy at best. He’s 25, and if the Reds really give up on him, somebody’s going to get a really good player.
What’s interesting, is that in the National League, there are a whole lot more teams trying to add players than dump them. The entire NL East is in the race, and only the Rockies are truly out of it in the west (though the Giants are doomed). In the central, the Brewers, Reds and Astros are done, but the Pirates have played themselves to .500 and can’t give up now.
In the AL, the usual suspects are cooked like the Devil Rays and Royals. The A’s are kaput. But the Tigers think they can get in the wild card hunt, the Indians do too.
However, this only applies if you’re making a deal of prospects for a veteran. If you’re trading talent-for-talent, you could deal with anybody.
There’s a problem with that for the Cubs. They aren’t exactly brimming with an excess of talent. Even if the Cubs were willing to deal Kerry Wood (they aren’t), you won’t get much for him until he makes about a dozen healthy starts in a row (will that ever happen?) You could trade Corey Patterson, but the way he’s going now, you’re not going to get an impact player for him. The more Jason Dubois plays the more he looks like a nice, but unspectacular offensive talent. John Koronka would only interest a sucker, so that leaves Sergio and Mike Remlinger. Ooh, teams will be beating down your door for those guys.
So that kind of forces you back to the prospects for talent mode.
You could sign Alex Sanchez, who the Devil Rays just designated for assignment. He was hitting .346 with a .373 on base average when they dumped him yesterday. Alex is super fast, he stole 55 bases in 2003 (and got released after stealing the first 44 of them in Milwaukee). But he doensn’t walk, has no power at all and might be the worst defensive outfielder…ever. He doesn’t fall down like Dubois does, he just takes horrid routes after flyballs and spends a lot of time chasing routine outs as they roll towards the warning track. Honestly, maybe the Cubs could get the Cardinals to sign Alex. That would help narrow the gap in the standings. Did I mention that Alex is also dumb enough to have tested positive for steroids? Yeah, he’s a keeper.
The Brewers recent horrid play of late has sped up the youth movement up north. They traded Junior Spivey to open a spot for Rickie Weeks (who can flat-out rake) and this week they’ve called up Prince Fielder to DH. Prince made his big league debut last night and grounded to short in his first at bat. He’s even fatter than I remember him from our days in Beloit. But Prince will hit in the big leagues, eventually. And he’ll love the postgame spread.
That crazy bitch made us listen to Johnny Mathis and watch soaps all day. Worst 3 days of my life.
Phil’s back in LA Laker Land!
I have won all my titles without any talent…I just coach em’ up.
I’ll bet you I wear real sexy lingerie. I need a real man inmy life, screw Phil…that’s why I’m here at Desipio.
We voted for Al Gore… and we KILLED JESUS!!!
I suspected them the whole time.
Andy, at what stupidity level do you rate Dr. Buss? I’d call it “dangerous”, myself.
Speaking of the I-Cubs, I umpired a high school baseball doubleheader last night in Ottumwa. The opponent was Des Moines Lincoln (one of the “rougher” schools in Des Moines) and they had a centerfielder who was a black kid with braids with the last name of Bernstine. During a pitching change, I asked their head coach if he was Pookie Bernstine’s son, and after giving me a look that he was surprised I would know that, he confirmed that it was indeed the son of the former I-Cub journeyman outfielder. I can’t recall if Pookie ever made the major league club, but the kid has some decent talent for a high school player.
When are you coming to see my and the Rally Lace, Dave B?
Sorry I couldn’t make it last night (the weather didn’t cooperate). Woody may get a third rehab start a week from Friday or Saturday, so maybe then.
To be fair, Andy, The Black Eye Peas made some great albums before the aneroxic chick joined the band… Behind the Front is a classic of the hip-hop world.
I’m the only decent song the Peas ever made. Ironically, it’s been all downhill after me. Behind the Front was no classic but I’m glad you liked it.
I have classics ?
Hell yes, hip hop has classics.
We be fallin’ up
Never fallin’ down
Put it at a higher level
Elevate it ’round
Boom it in your area, city or your town.
Black Eyed Peas are known for gettin’ down.
We made classics.
Me too!!!!
Ahem…
Ten bucks Fez pitches like crap again and gets deported….Dumb ass
How come every time people start talking about Hip Hop Classics, there’s always some lackwit who swears I’m the DOPEST ALBUM EVER MADE!!!! You’d swear I was the first rap record ever produced to listen to these kids, the same one’s who say Tupac was Old School. Geez.
And why am I hardly ever mentioned?
Where does “12 Inches of Snow” fall amongst the Classics?
I thought Eminem was the first rapper ever…either him or Everlast?
Be very afraid of me!
Close, but you’re way off…
Among non-lackwits, I am the dopest. I am the illest as well.
Did we really expect a win last night with Koranka starting? I believe it’s time to bring “Fat Boy” Williams to Chicago. Let him eat his ding dongs as long as he gets the job done. It never stopped the Red Satanic Fowl with letting Ray King eat all those bar-be-que ribs.
This trade thing needs to get hammered home here soon too. Let’s make a decision on a leftfielder and what’s going to happen with Korey in the future. Jim Hendry waiting until July 31st like last year isn’t going to work. The time is now to pull the trigger. Why not do it and win some more games in June and July.
Kill fish tonight Serge!
GO CUBS!
Baker Basher
You don’t remember me, Sloth? And there was that Canadian douche, Snow, too.
Oh, crap, Baker Basher’s in my corner now?
Ummm…speaking of white rappers, how about a little love for us?
Man, white rappers do suck…
White folks shouldn’t rap and they shouldn’t front blues bands…
Ice, I gave some love to my boy Snow up above.
Oh, I forgot. You can’t read. Bee-yotch!
3rd Base, you still gotta Gas Face?
I suck.
They poured us out on the street where Jam Master J was capped.
We apologize for starting the whole rap thing. If we could take it back, we would.
We have only ever listened to Eminem, some Snoop Dogg, and Nelly.
I’m the best one we’ve ever had!
What do you think would have happened to us had Michael Jackson been found guilty on any of the charges?
I got a good throwin’ arm. Mmm hm.
Aren’t Corey Patterson and I the exact same player? Either that or we will be the exact same player in a couple years. Guys who have pop, who strike out a lot and who don’t walk a whole lot. The difference is I’m making thrice as much money as Corey Patterson [and I’m a bit older] and I like hitting in Coors so the Cubs sure as hell better not go and trade for me.
yeah, white guys who do the blues suck.
Agreed, Johnny.
I can’t live knowing Ted Danson makes that much more than me.
If he comes to the Cubs they will reanme it “Wilson Way”
that is “re-name”, I am a dumb ass non speller
It makes perfect sense to me to have .260 whiffmeister Corey Patterson batting in crucial spots in the order such as 2nd or 6th, while .300 hitting, contact making, powerfull Michael Barret bats 8th. After all, I am an idiot.
Let’s trade Dusty, Corey, and Hendry to LA for Magic Virus (you can give that to Koronka) hey look Koronka has a knacker, Zen Master, and the Laker Gals!
I’m where Ronnie used to play…
3rd Bass gets love for giving the Gas Face. . .
The best blues we ever played were when we were backing up Muddy Waters or Buddy Guy…
We, like the rest of the white guys, should still stay away from writing blues songs…or fronting blues bands. And we’re some of the best guitar players ever…
We didn’t invent rap either but an older generation of Lackwits thinks we did. We were the Dre and Snoop of our era baby!
I’m widely recognized as the Godfather of Hip Hop. Though I’ve never been recorded (that I know of) I started all this with just two turntables and a microphone at street parties in the South Bronx in the mid-70’s.
Back in the days I knew rap would never die,
I used to listen Awesome Two on WHPI
I used to hear all kinds rap groups
Before samplin’ loops,
Rappers wore bell-bottomed Lee suits
Me and Kenny couldn’t afford that
So we would go to the park where they was jammin’ to hear rap!
We always listened til the cops broke it up
I always thought to myself “Damn, why they fucked it up?”
Nobody mentions me when they talk about the illest MC’s ever. But I just might be!
I am for suburban white kids who drive around in mommy and daddy’s car and act hard. I suck.
People who think rap is for suburban white kids who drive around in mommy and daddy’s car and act hard have heard too much of us and not enough real Hip Hop. And that’s really sad because we really are for the above mentioned fuck faces. Fuck us.
What are some bands that play me then ? The Roots ? The Fugees ? Shaq Fu ? Because we suck too…except Shaq Fu.
Gangstarr, Heiroglyphics, Wu-Tang, The Lootpack, Jurassic 5, Geto Boys, Outkast, Public Enemy, Run DMC, Onyx, Kool Moe Dee, KRS-One, Rakim, Kool G Rap, Masta Ace, Stetsasonic, a tribe called quest, De La Soul, Mos Def, Talib Kweli, Punchline and Wordsoworth, Jean Grae, Redman, EPMD, Keith Murray, DITC, Black Moon, Helta Skelta, Tha Alkaholiks, Cypress Hill, The X-ecutioners, Invizible Skratch Piklz, Beat Junkies, Peanut Butter Wolf and Charizma, Furious Five, Cold Crush Four, Grand Master Flash, Grand Wizard Theodore, O.C., Organized Konfusion, Nas, Mobb Deep, The Roots, Goodie Mob, Common, Ultramagnetic M.C.s, 3rd Bass, Eminem, Beastie Boys, Freddie Foxx, J-Live, Lone Catalysts, Planet Asia, Grand Agent, Dilated Peoples, Smif-N-Wessun, N.W.A, Kardinal Official, Baby Blak, Maylay Sparks, Main Source, 3 Times Dope, Ed O.G and Da Bulldogs, Kanye West, Brand Nubian, Styles of Beyond, Ugly Duckling, M.E.D., Jungle Brothers, Big Mike, Notorious B.I.G., Craig Mack, digital underground… etc.
If you think we suck, your musical taste is kind of questionable.
How does Notorious B.I.G. escape your wrath when he was the one who started the whole video motif of lounging on a yacht, throwing hundred dollar bills around, drinking champaign with black women shaking their asses in the camera’s face and P. Diddy mindlessly dancing around. That and videos reenacting scenes from Goodfellas are Biggie’s legacy. Mumbling bastard.
Can’t touch this! Break it down! Hammer time!
My musical taste must be terrible because I don’t like the Roots, grow you fucking cocksucker. Lemme guess, Copland sucks, Wagner, Handel…if you listen to them you are not cool. Get out of your parents basement and live a little. Fuckwad.
Yet another reason why people hate Cub fans.
Actually, the best stuff Robbie Robertson ever played in reserve was backing up Ronnie Hawkins and Bob Dylan.
It is not his fault that he was emulated by so many hundreds of wannabes who wanted a tiny piece of the empire that he and Puffy created. If he was playing a role in his videos that’s his choice. If he did it one too many times and made a ridiculous cartoon of himself before getting himself shot, that’s his legacy too as you pointed out. But Biggie had talent and his tragic flaw was that larger than life image he had. You could be a dope underground M.C. respected by your peers and worshipped by the thousands of fans who respect the real music or you can follow Puffy’s guidance, make all these Scorsese-influenced videos and feud with West Coast gangsters who would shoot at the Pope for a blunt or two. The lifestyle killed him. But when you hear the album Ready to Die and you know Hip Hop, then you recognize skill. He didn’t have time to bastardize that like Jay-Z did.
How dare you insult Shea Hillenbrand’s defense! According to our extremely wonderful announcer Mark Grace, Shea Hillenbrand is a GORGEOUS MAN! Oh well, I guess that was last year, and this season, we’ve had new Gracie gems like “I am the world’s worst handyman and I have Checker Auto Parts on speed-dial” and “Tony Clark is hitting like a dog in heat”….
As for rap, you should check out Eminem’s new “Ass Like That” video. It may be his most outrageous video yet, and really’s saying something…
And yes, Wacko Jacko gets off on all counts. Isn’t celebrity justice wonderful?
My best stuff was in the Band, I did kick ass with the Hawk too, though.
Enough with the rap shit, homeboys.
Rap or no rap, I am dealing, fools. And I just added Josh Beckett to the growing list of pitching luminaries (Cy’s Halladay and Maddux) who bow before my bat.
Ow! My finger hurts!!!
Ow! My balls hurt…er…are gone!!!
Just when you think I couldn’t possibly be anymore ignorant, and just plain retarded, I come out with these gems. Could I be one of the dumbest people on the planet?
I will stubbornly continue to bat Michael Barret 8th in this lineup, even as his average hovers around .300, just as it did last year, even as Korey and Mulletsworth continue to plummet and Jason Dubois rotts away on the bench. My idiocy knows no bounds.
Actually, I kicked your ass in your debut, Sergio Meat Tray.
I’m proud of you these days, though.
Maybe you meant Clemens earlier this year, even though you got the No-D that day.
Hey, I’m rakin’ right now.
Robbie, I agree, just saying that your best back-up work was done with the Hawk.
Good enough KD, you got any Indians you need released from prison for crimes they did commit?
But I did get a hit off of you Greggie!
And by the way, isnt Mitre Spanish for Maddux? Or is Maddux Las Vegan for this:
mmm need to get some Carp on that tray.
So what was I supposed to write about regarding Joe Morgan denigrating Banks?
I forgot.
Anyway the Cubs just sign Greggie to be our pitching coach for the next 20 years?
Greg,
Do it. It’ll be fun. I’m in Milwaukee, and you and I can play golf at Merit Club or Shoreacres or Onwentsia every morning and then coach at night.
Sincerely,
Your older brother who had a respectable career as a MLB relief pitcher, yet is often forgotten by the family.
To Oh Yeah and teh rest who dismiss hip-hop:
I don’t think that liking hip-hop, or any other musical genere, is mutually exclusive with liking any other genere. I, for one, don’t particularly like classical music, but that’s because I don’t fully appreciate the musical mastery of it.
Hip-hop, as the case with blues, is a form of music that is intertwined with much of the social upheaval of when it was invented/dicovered/first produced (turn of the century south, 1970s inner city New York, etc). These musical forms were very much a way for the poor and the oppressed to have a voice. To dimiss rap as just something that ‘white, suburban boys’ listen to is to deny that these musical styles were borne out of the hard times that were faced by black people in this country.
Just becuase P Diddy and Nelly and Vanilla Ice have taken that form and manipulated it, doesn’t make it any less relevant. It also doesn’t mean that bands like the Roots or rappers like Mos Def and Common, should be lumped into the same category as the sell-outs.
There is great hip-hop out there, you just have to turn off B96 to get to it.
FIRST RECORDING BY A PUT TOGETHER RAP GROUP
SUGAR HILL GANG “RAPPERS DELIGHT”
-Hip Hop Music Facts
“I said a hip hop the hippie the hippie
to the hip hip hop, a you don’t stop
the rock a bang bang boogie say up jumped the boogie
to the rhythm of the boogie, the beat”
That was the opening line of the 1979 smash hit Rapper’s Delight by the Sugarhill Gang. It popularized the term Hip-Hop and also marked the beginning of Hip-Hop as a single biggest musical phenomenon the world has seen since Rock.
-Wannabuzz
Twenty-five years after 1979’s “Rapper’s Delight” broke open the floodgates, hip hop’s influence is everywhere–from music to movies, fashion to vocabulary.
-Music Remedy
So bite me, Lackwit.