Pitching matchup:
White Sox: Freddy Garcia, 14-8, 3.87 ERA
Red Sox: Tim Wakefield, 16-12, 4.15 ERA
Lineups
White Sox (2-0)
Groiny Podsnoochie, lf
Todd Iguchi, 2b
Jermaine (What is this huge scar on my cheek) Dye, rf
The Slumpbuster, 1b
Jurassic Carl, dh
Aaron (Damn, center is big in Fenway) Rowand, cf
AJ (I clap like I have one eye) Eyechart, c
Joe (I had no idea my wife’s stretch marks would be that pronounced) Crede, 3b
Juan (Ugliest swing…ever) Uribe, ss
Red Sox (0-2) Just the way they like it.
Jesus, cf
Edgar Rentererror, ss
Big Papi, dh
Manny (Play me, then trade me) Ramirez, lf
Trot Nixon, rf
Ferris Mueller, 3b
John (I wear a helmet because my brain sticks out of a gaping hole in my cranium) Olerud, 1b
Doug (You’ll miss ‘Tek’s bat way too much) Mirabelli, c
Tony Gaff-anino, 2b
I’m going to give the bald, blood circulation challenged, manager of the Red Sox credit for this. He was getting crap for starting Wakefield today instead of Schilling and he explained that he’s going to skip Clement in game five and if he used Wakefield today he can bring him back in game five in relief. If he used Schilling today and Wake tomorow, Wakefield is unavailable on Sunday. He said, “We have to win three games, not one.”
That said, he’d better not manage in-game like he doesn’t need to win one game, not three.
Huh?
I’m still looking for my car..For real guys has anyone seen it?
Everyone go to me and scroll down until you see the White Sox fan holding the sign. Good for a laugh.
This is a slap in the face.
I shold be pitching today…hey. who took my wheelchar!
I’d like to congratulate the dividson champs, too.
I’m still wearing my 2003 NLC Dividson Champs t-shirt.
That stupid bitch can not spell!
Is that a man or a woman holding that? Or, is the person just from Bridgeport?
I’m one of Paul Konerko’s slumpbusters. Yay Paulie!!!!!
It’s probably Julie Sweica.
Chuck, good choice to criticize something other than spelling. You hack.
Karl Ravech just said there aren’t many easy outs in our lineup.
We have .301, .303, .308, .329, and .311 on-base percentages, respectively. Baseball tonight=Stupid.
I’m available if any playoff teams need a reliever.
I’m a hack? Wow.
I’m better than I thought.
Those are great OBPs, but are any of them elite fielders?
I’m so fast!
How the hell do you get caught stealing with a knuckleballer on the mound?
To be caught stealing by a knuckleballer, you have to have the feet of a grape squisher and the mind of a Zen Buddhist.
I keeled Mirabelli and took his uniform
Come on, Cubs fans, you know you still wish you had me.
Time to start my postseason MVP campaign.
Before the game, I tell the reporters what my championship series rotation is.
Now who’s the Venezuelan f#$%?
Jesus Damon is my airbag.
Ain’t no hit batsmen in the Bible.
That had to hurt.
I love it when the White Sox cheat.
Wakefield’s line:
1-1/3, three K’s, two hit batsmen, one caught stealing.
Andy,
Don’t forget that’s only 23 pitches bitches
I’m at 28 and i still have 2 outs to go, Tim. Dat good, no?
Tim, it’s a damn knuckleball, you could throw 200 pitches and still relieve on Sunday.
Should teach Kerry Wood to throw a knuckler?
I throw knuckle, too. 36 peeches, 19 streeks.
Nice percentage, Freddy
Tim, you know that I’d still somehow manage to blow out my arm if I became a knuckleballer.
Thank god. My secret is still safe. I haven’t been able to hit a ball out of the infield in 6 years.
Ees too damn hot out!
Who wants to take bets that my husband will blow out his arm at his charity bowling event?
Call Kerry Cy Young bitches
When iw as with the Mets, I talked to this guy who wore a helmet in the field. I told him that I used to play with a guy who did that when I was in Toronto, too.
He called me a dumbshit and said, “That was me!”
If the RedSox want back in this series, they better get Garcia out byu the fifth. They need to tire out that bullpen.
You’re a fake, Ricky! Ricky speak in third person!!! That’s the way Ricky is.
You don’t like it, you can kiss Ricky’s ass.
Ricky be Ricky!!!!
It’s worse than you think Ricky, that conversation happened in 2000, when we both played for the Mariners.
C’mon boys, you heard the Chucker, let’s send this Garcia to BYU.
Don’t do it, Freddy.
Time for my 2nd homer of the year…
That’s wasn’t so ugly..
Bring on the Yanks or the Angels.
My knuckles are flat.
Cat burgers for everyone!
I still cant get the stains out of my pants.
Matt, next time, just fake a calf injury.
I’ll put ketchup on my sock.
a 7 pitch inning. Red Sox just cracked. Game over.
One down, who wants to be next?
Does anybody else find it funny how easily we give up? When did this start, when we got Renteria? That’s it, it’s the Renteria Curse.
White Sox will beat the Yanks, lose to the Angels.
We got our series, one’s enough.
Funny how The Best Pitcher Andy Has Ever Seen gets hit in the elbow and it’s the excuse for continued mediocrity the rest of the season. I got my f@#$ing head blown off! You try pitching after that.
As soon as that ball went through my legs, you all knew it was over.
We’ve known for a long time that Clement doesn’t throw with his head.
I know what you mean Tony G.
Andy never saw Roger Clemens. Or Sandy Koufax. Or Greg Maddux. Or Steve Carlton. Or Jim Palmer. Or…
But Matt, you’ve always been a pussy, getting hit in the head didn’t change anything.
Remember me on 03? Bartman has nothing on me.
I’m the palest white boy since Michael Rappaport.
Mark Prior – 6-4, 3.88 ERA, 111 K, 37 BB
Matt Clement – 3-4, 5.72 ERA, 49 K, 33 BB
Maybe Clement should have taken it off the elbow.
Honestly, Tony G., how can you butcher such a routine play?
CLUTCH!!!!
I still haven’t decided if I’m going to play winter ball. Or if I’m even going to let it be winter. I’m pretty sure if I stand on the Iowa/Illinois border and swing wildly enough I can keep cold fronts from coming to town.
So what’s the deal, is I a Knick or a Bull?
If I’s a Bull, my career done be over.
Who hid my pancakes??
Joe Castiglione’s call of Papi’s homer.
“There’s a long drive to center, but he didn’t get enough of it. Hey, it’s a home run!”
Kincks docs reject Curry trade on the cause of “post nasal drip.”
I have returned.
Korey,
When is your appointment with Dr. Phil?
The communistas, they take my mother…the duck is so succulent
2-2, bitches.
Big Papi says it no over, it no over…
Manny’s back too.
Those were nice.
Its about time Papi and Manny.
1060 – I changed Korey’s appointment.
It’s now with Kevorkian.
PLOP!
In honor of my teammate and my filthy pants, I’m having my name changed to “Trot”.
How can I turn down a chance to work with pitching studs like Fernando Rodney, Craig Dingman or Chris Spurling?
Plus, Jim Leyland let’s me manage the team while he’s off smoking.
Which is all the time.
Hey Matt, how did you get those stains out?
Those back to backs were nice for the additional reason that it made Chuck look like a dope.
I’m taking Leyland in next year’s deadpool.
John Olerud’s my favorite player.
I don’t need Papi and Man Ram’s help.
Tell the Red Sox they’re dead again, Chuck. They need more runs.
Freddy Garcia is a Venezuelan f#$%
Shit. Don’t ask me to do it. I told the Cubs they were dead on May 5th.
They fucken’ listened!
Then tell The Kinks to go to BYU again
Six pitch inning for Wakefield. Chuck, DO NOT mention that.
95 somethings. MMMPPPHHHHHH!!
The Big Papi walks late.
Maybe if I rub my leg really hard I can get a blister and leave the game before I have to throw another pitch to Papi or Manny.
Cock teases.
I had him all the way!
Now I need some new pants.
On MLB Gametracker they have Papi’s flyball being caught on Lansdown Street.
Third time throught the order. I’d think about getting Wake out.
What street does it say those pitches were on?
Those two dingers are starting to smell like Alou and Wood in Game 7. False hope.
As I said…
We had fuuuuuuun last night.
What would 3rd time through the order have to do with anything?
Start rooting for the other ALDS to end quickly.
Guh.
Once read that, by the third time through, the timing on knuckleballers gets easier. Think it was in Fergies “Complete Book of Pitching.”
Once again…clutch!
I thought it was in “Fergie’s Complete Book to Being A Widower, Volumes I, II and III.”
Damn, Wakefiled has nasty stuff today.
The guys on ‘EEI say that El Duque is warming up to pitch the sixth. Is this true?
We see El Duque.
And Little Pap warming for Boston.
Can’t pitch starters in playoff games, dude.
Mighta been the Complete Book of Smuggling.
Thin book.
Papelbon backwards is Noble Pap.
Aw, Jesus Christ.
Have the Sox lost since Mariotti said they wouldn’t win another game?
I guess that makes Jay a better coach than Ditka.
Ricky Williams still owes me a bag of smoke!
It’s gonna be us and st. louis…ugh…
I am so clutch, Sox fans love me! I only get hits when it matters!
Venezuelan f@($*%@*@!%*
Berman: “to the always dangerous Uribe.”
I currently look like a helpless puppy whose owner just dropped me off in the middle of a forest and drove off into the night.
Time for some clutch!
Not only am I a gigantic pussy( Carlos Lee got traded because he made me cry) but I suck ass too.
PLOP PLOP PLOP
I’m clutch!
This is a familiar situation.
…we are so Cub.
…we’re sweating
This inning started when I left the office,.
We’re fung!
That’s just great stuff.
Pathetic, but great
Ed Farmer said I could make a rabit out of my hat.
He also said I can’t spell
Something tells me I’ll be back playing for the D Rays or Royals next year.
I think I am ready to come to the Cubs now
See how anti-clutch I am? It’s just like last year. I totally belong on the Cubs.
Look up my career numbers with the bases loaded…they are laughable.
I took 58 minutes.
Is this Man Ram’s last Carmine AB?
I’m betting yes.
I let Ozzie bully me into a bigger strikezone. Why are bad young umps like me, Eric Cooper, and Bill Miller behind the plate in playoff games?
It’s okay 146, I’m not around this postseason.
I wonder how Big Papi’s numbers will look after I leave…
0 for the playoffs…that’s not good.
Probably pretty good after the Red Sox trade you for me and Lasings Milledge, Manny.
Lastings, not Lasings.
Me no speako teh Engles muy wello.
I’m over.
How insufferable are we going to be now?
(You can tell this wasn’t a Sox fan who wrote this because of the proper spelling)
We are gonna stink somethin fierce next season. No Manny, no Damon (this might not be a bad thing though), Wells is fat and gone, Nixon had one good year, Schilling is done, Millar is gone, and Renteria is a curse.
I own the Red Sox, even now, I’m like 56 years old.
I made the last out in my last two team’s postseasons…that can’t be good for my confidence.
Hey, we were all saying the Sox were going to get swept in 3 games in the Division Series. It was just a matter of time.
Turn away now… Nothing to see here… You can’t hold it against us for having a slient “red” in those sweep claims…
what? where?
mmmm…
Where am I today?
Next Dose is when the White Sox lose a game. You should know the schedule by now.