It hardly seems fair to spend an entire column on the Cubs, when they haven’t even played an exhibition game yet, while ignoring the Bulls return to the NBA. Exiled for seven years after Michael Jordan left town, the NBA decided to relocate an actual NBA team in Chicago and hey, this is kind of fun!

What, you mean the Bulls never left? They’ve been playing games all this time–just doing it extremely poorly? Well, whatever the case, the Bulls are a better than .500 team and mediocrity never felt so good.

To be fair, the Bulls aren’t medicore anymore. Since an 0-9 start they’re 26-14. That’s good in any league. They’re also a rare NBA team that doesn’t rely on one superstar and a bunch of jealous chuckers. They win as a team, they play defense as a team and they turn it over (a lot) as a team. But it’s not for a lack of talent. If the stars aligned just right, this Bulls team could have three of the premiere players in the league on it down the road. If the stars align wrong? Well, there’s always the new WNBA team to look forward to.

By now you know the drill. Let’s get to it.

Scott Skiles — Head coach/”Genesis” drummer– Sure, the Phil Collins jokes are tired, but I can’t resist. We never start these things with the coach (manager, whatever), right? Well, we make an exception for Skiles, because it’s hard to imagine anybody else getting this much, this quickly out of this team. How the 0-9 start didn’t kill him, I’m still not sure. In fact, at one point, when the Bulls were like 2-12, John Paxson openly worried, and was quoted as such, that Skiles wouldn’t stick around to see the Bulls get good. The general manager was worried that the head coach would get sick of the losing and leave? Yikes.

Instead, Skiles got sick of the losing…and started winning. My, what a novel idea! Maybe the Bears ought to give that a try sometime?

The Bulls are a tough team to figure. They only really do one thing extremely well. The only thing they consistently can do better than their opponent is play hard. So they do it. It’s a rare night when the opposing coach doesn’t comment on how hard the Bulls play. You always sense a tinge of envy in the remarks. When Jeff Van Gundy last saw the Bulls you could read between the lines as he lauded their effort. When you decoded it, it said, “If Tracy McGrady would bust his lazy ass once and a while, we’d be unstoppable.”

But the Bulls have all of the signs of a well coached team. They play good defense, and help and recover better than just about anybody. They run offensive sets with an actual purpose–a rarity in the clear it out and let the star fire away NBA. The one thing they do every night that threatens to undermine them, is turn the ball over. It’s why Chris Duhon is starting. He’s the only guy who hangs onto the ball.

But playing Duhon instead of Ben Gordon is like using Mike Adamle instead of Walter Payton. If you worried that Payton was going to fumble so you put him on the bench, he wouldn’t fumble. He also wouldn’t score. And Adamle would cry on the air. Oh, wait that was for something else. Never mind.

Skiles has remained painfully low key about the team’s sudden emergence, but even he is having a hard time containing his feelings about them. It’s hard not to like this Bulls’ team. They just seem to care. It’s far too rare in the NBA these days. It might not last, but while it’s around, it’s fun to see.

Luol Deng– Eddy Curry gets a lot of the attention, and Ben Gordon gets deserved credit for his fourth quarter productivity, but is there any doubt that Luol is the best player on the team? He’s what…20? How often is it that one of the best rookies in the league is this overshadowed? It’s almost criminal. But Luol doesn’t care. He has no discernible ego. He let JJ Redick get all the attention last year at Duke (oh, until Duhon’s bruised ribs took over), even though Luol was the man. It’s the same with the Bulls. The knock on Luol is that he’s not athletic enough. But that’s bunk. Watch as guys try and stay in front of him. They know how quick he is. His freakishly long arms make it look like he’s hardly jumping when he dunks. But he dunks…quite often for a guy who’s supposed to be a step slow.

With Luol, I’ll stick to my previous assertion. He’s going to be a superstar. I’m not saying you’ll be wearing Air Dengs…because who wants to step in some Deng?…but he’s gonna be goooood. He’s already better than most people think, anyway.

Eddy Curry– Eddy can’t rebound. There, I said it. Actually, it’s wrong. Eddy can rebound. He just doesn’t. You know why? Because he lets Tyson do it. What did Eddy do the night Tyson didn’t play because his friend was killed? Eddy put up 25 points and 12 rebounds against Sacramento. He’s not Shaq, and he’s never going to be. But the minute you trade him, you’ll start looking for somebody like him, so why bother? The hard part with Eddy is over. He’s in shape. He’s figured out how to handle playing in his hometown. The Bulls have figured out that you can alley oop it to him anywhere within eight feet of the rim and he’ll jam it in. His athleticism is sick. Will he disappear in the playoffs? He just might the first time around. Nobody needs failure to learn quite like Eddy. But the good news? It looks like he’s going to get a chance to disappear in them this year.

Tyson Chandler– People say that this is the year that the lightbulb went on for Tyson. He stopped trying to score and embraced his role as a shotblocker, rebounder and defensive stopper. But I don’t think that’s true. This is the first year his coach hasn’t asked him to do things he can’t. He’s not going to be Kevin Garnett. He doesn’t shoot particularly well, and his post moves all make him look like Bambi on the ice pond. But when he’s attacking the glass, or swatting shots into the stands, he’s a sight to behold. At the end of games, when teams need a big basket, they have to think twice about going inside, because Tyson’s going to get a hand on their shot. How cool is that?

Kirk Hinrich– Count me among the Bulls’ fans who were just dead wrong about Kirk. I couldn’t imagine a worse draft pick, and the fact that we all wanted Dwyane Wade instead, and he went one pick ahead of Kirk just made it worse. But for a year and a half now, he’s proven us wrong. Sure, he’s too streaky of a shooter for our taste, but he’s tough as nails, plays actual defense and isn’t afraid of the big shot. The Bulls have kind of evolved in his image. Who knew?

Ben Gordon– It’s kind of vogue to compare him to Mr. Toad look-a-like Vinny Johnson, but that’s not fair to Ben. He’s still a pup, and if you’re assuming he’ll never handle the ball better, or learn to play better defense, well, I disagree. Of course it’d be nice if he was two inches taller, and it’d be nice if he didn’t drift away from the offense and into a cocoon at times, but he’s come up big enough, often enough, so far this year to prove his worth. He’s only going to get better.

Andres Nocioni– I’m convinced he’s insane. He’s The Crazy Argentinian all right, heavy on the crazy part. I think we all thought his offense would be a little more…uh…refined than it is, but that’s the only disappointment. He’s got the bad bedhead hair, the weird goatee, the crazy eyes and he plays defense like he’s a bear trying to maul a picnicker. My favorite Andres Nocioni moments of the season have come when he’s completely infuriated guys like Paul Pierce and Dirk Nowitzki by sticking an elbow in their ribs and just leaving it there. You don’t want him guarding you. Groucho Smith seems to have a new Nocioni trade rumor every day, but I think that if you’re going to trade him (and you really should think twice, anyway) it’s a year too soon. Next year he’ll hopefully have a little more refined offense and he’ll still be in the second year of a cheap rookie contract. He’ll just be worth more. And by then, he may have proven that he’s indispensible, anyway.

Antonio Davis– He’s a good guy to have around, even if the only reason he’s a Bull is because his contract was almost as ludicrous as Jalen Rose’s, only shorter. He’s going to be gone during the offseason, and you just know that Paxson is going to bring Donyell Marshall back. In the meantime, Antonio still plays passable post defense, is a pretty good passer and can hit a jumper on occasion. The thing that brings it all into focus though, is that when he’s out with injuries, Othella Harrington can adequately replace him. That’s not something you want on your resume if you are Antonio.

Othella Harrington– In short minutes, he’s just lefthanded enough, and awkward enough to be effective. But with O, you know right away. If the first jumper goes in, he’s going to be useful. Sometimes the first jumper ends up in the Luvabulls. Then it’s time for him to put the warmups back on.

Chris Duhon– The Bulls are 25-13 with him starting. This makes no sense. He’s not good. Sure he’s dependable with the ball, but he can’t shoot. At all. He plays good defense, unless the opposing point guard can post up, and then Chris is done. But you can’t argue with success. Right? I’ll admit that every time I see him, I think about how good this team would be if his former Duke running mate didn’t fall in love with a crotch rocket motorcycle. It makes me sad. So I’ll stop thinking about it.

Eric Piatkowski– When you need a big three in a tight game, who do you call? Well, you probably call Dirk Nowitzki, but if you’re the Bulls, who do you call? OK, probably Ben Gordon. But what if Eddy Curry is using Ben’s cell phone to make calls during the game? You call Eric Piatkowski! Yeah, I can’t get that excited either.

Adrian Griffin– Skiles loves his defense, and Adrian’s had a few games where he’s sat on the bench for 46 minutes, only to get thrown into the game at the end to try and shut somebody down. This isn’t fair to Adrian, and it’s not fair to us, the fans, who might actually have to see him take a shot. That’s never a good thing.

Jannero Pargo– Red Kerr loves Pargo, but I think it’s because he thinks a Pargo is a Polish pastry. Whatever the reason, Red lights up when Jannero comes in the game. Like a lot of his teammates he’s a streaky shooter who can fill it up at times. But he’s too small to be a shooting guard and he handles the ball like it’s oblong. So I hope his seat is cushy.

Jared Reiner– He’s back on the injured list with what the Bulls’ have tabbed, “white man’s disease.” He can’t jump…at all. He also doesn’t shoot it well, or handle it. Other than that, he’s aces.

Frank Williams– I give up. I attribute his failures to him just not giving a shit. So why should I?

John Paxson– Anybody’s who has ever been in a room with John Paxson has gotten the impression that he’s the smartest guy in it. I still have that impression. He did the unthinkable in turning this around this fast. Let’s hope he sticks around for a while. Just like his coach.

Outlook: It’s blindingly bright. They were supposed to wilt in their pre-All Star break February schedule. Seven games. All ones they could lose. Most of which they were expected to lose. You figured their momentum would die and they’d be back under .500. Instead, they went 4-3 and beat Dallas and Minnesota on the road and Sacramento at home.

What could they use at the trade deadline? What they could use is a scorer. A guy who can fill it up. Especially if he was a wing man. You know who would be perfect, if only he’d actually play harder and take fewer threes? I hesitate to even say it. I shouldn’t. Oh, the the hell with it.

But if you add ‘Toine to the mix and he doesn’t try and play defense it won’t work. But you have to think that Skiles could coax him into cutting down this three point hoists, right?

Ahh, probably not. But man, 20 points and 9.5 boards is awfully tempting.

So that’s not going to happen. What lies ahead in the immediate future out our Bulls? A playoff appearance seems likely, followed by a bonfide chance to survive a round. If we’d have told you that in November, you’d have thought we were still suffering from Post-Cubs Collapse Concussion Syndrome.

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I know this is a Bulls’ report. But I just have to ask…

…Nomar, we love you buddy. But just how incredibly pussy whipped are you?