Pitching matchup:
Cin: Lemon Harang, 7-10, 3.90 ERA
Cubs: Mark “Oh no, I’m going to be sweating!” Prior, 7-4, 3.64 ERA
Shop the Desipio/Pointless Exercise Store
Pitching matchup:
Cin: Lemon Harang, 7-10, 3.90 ERA
Cubs: Mark “Oh no, I’m going to be sweating!” Prior, 7-4, 3.64 ERA
Am I being sent down so the Babe Ruth of AAA can rejoin this fine bunch of hard working Major League Baseball players?
Lawton LF
Patterson CF
D Lee 1B
Burnitz RF
Walker 2B
Macias 3B
Neifi SS
Blanco C
Prior P
Just like old times!
You just can’t get rid of me! It doesn’t matter that we need a win more than ever, play me instead of E-Ramis!
The Cubs are going to play today’s game with me in the lineup! Wheeeee!
You’ve gotta be kidding me?
It looks like dusty is really trying to get himself fired at this point as it becomes all the more evident he is sabotaging this season.
I hope Corey doesn’t get booed mercilessly before his first at-bat. He’s working hard. Please, fellow Cubs fans, give this guy a break. The season’s over anyways, let him (a) increase his trade value or (b) find his confidence that will allow him to be the player he was in 2003.
Oh, anyonve have an over/under on the number of homers Prior gives up today? I’m going to set it at 4. I’m taking the over.
I demmand you do no comedy today, no chip, no stone, no dude, no nothing.
let’s talk about fish, mariano rivera and cnbc.
don’t talk about salads either.
Obey me as I’m Mr Death and if you don’t you’ll have to face me. MUAHAHAHA
I’ll take the Under, #6. After the third one, he’ll start flapping his arm real awkwardly, and he’ll go sit down in the clubhouse and get a bunch more MRIs.
Hey Mr. Death, how’s the visibility,partner?
This is really sad. What a fucking joke? KPatt back in the majors and starting none the less. Let’s just have one of the better hitters in Murton on the bench. Aramis is being the biggest pussy again. Let’s send down a good young player to the minors. You can go on and on about all the negative stuff with this team. You have to finger point from Andy McPhail all the way down to the batboy Lopez.
I hope the fans going to Wrigley today boo the hell out of each and every one of these dumbfucks on this team including those asses on the coaching staff. I don’t think I’ve ever hated a Cub team more. I wish all the hate mail on these worthless bastards.
HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE,
THE 2005 CHICAGO CUBS
FCOF=Fuck Cub Organization Forever
Mr. Death, you can come over and lick the crud from between my toes while my dykey co-worker jams her workboots up yer ass.
Am I injured? Do I have tired bat?
Sloth works in me.
when’s the last time a lineup was posted 4 hours before a game.
Use common sense people, #4 just wanted to have a good time posting the worst lineup possible.
Oh, for the days of humorous posts and pictures of Eliza Dushku.
Bingo, #14.
But would anyone here want to bet against that being the lineup?
Take out the Gremlin and put in E-ramis and swap him and Walker and you probably actually have today’s lineup.
Sloth, for a 40+ year-old man, you sure talk like a 12-year-old whiny bitch. I really like how your fat-ass threats and obese bellowing is supposed to cow people. ‘Cow’ being a very relatable word for you. What’s more sad is the peppered obscenities  those just reek of having nothing to say but the tired bleatings of a Mendota wannabe pedophile. You disgust me, chubsy. Go back to your mad-fun “Rotting Sloth” schtick  it so entertained the masses.
yeah…the masses…YEAH!
And, #7, let the Desipio chubby deflate. I never said don’t have fun. I just felt like elbowing people in the ribs to note the overuse of long-ago funny bits. Their time has passed, as all things funny do. Plunder in new areas, or just entertain yourself with your rote comedy stylings, looking in the mirror and saying “Schwing!” and “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!” and “Well, isn’t that special?” and all the other hackneyed dead jokes from yesteryear…
#10. Relax and harness your Chi! I am sure you have been a lifelong Cub fan as all of of are so you know that losing comes with the territory. I think the players are begining to see what kind of a joke Dusty really is. Which is why they look so disillusioned out there.
Nice to see Mr. Death in tha house! I need someone to keep me on my toes while at work. Plan on being a bitch today too Death?
Hey Mr Death – How about instead of complaining constantly, you try to come up with something funny to write?
you love me
We’re a happy fam-i-lee!
Darkness! Darkness in the house!
For all your Rick James fetishes…
When the Cubs start to suck we take over the forum.
Let me get this straight…not only is he playing Macias, but he’s actually putting him in the 6-spot? I really just don’t know what to say.
But, you know what? If (and dare I beat this dead horse again) we had a coaching staff with half the brain cells of the Braves’, we’d be atop the Wild Card race. I know last night’s lineup didn’t get it done, but it was the best lineup we’ve seen in a long time from Dusty.
Oh, yeah…I hate Dusty Baker.
I’m not complaining constantly. I make one little list of what I feel is passé, and all hell breaks loose. Goes to show, you can’t mess with someone’s over-reliance on the sure-fire laugh-chuckle Tee Hee! that is “mang” and “dudes” and “visibility.”
Get over it. You either saw the list in yesterday’s comments section and nodded along; or you swore life-long hatred for me and decided to keep the cobweb-ridden humor going. To the latter, thanks for proving my point, and nothing I can say will convince you that Chip Caray isn’t still the funniest thing this side of Waveland.
At least we have Da Bears! Kyle Orton will be key this season. Fuck Cedric Benson. Look where that got Curtis Penis. 3rd shift making garage doors in Ohio. What a career.
Death. Please shut tha fuck up man! For a person who hates repetition, you sure know how to KEEL the fuck out of a subject. I suggest YOU get over yourself and pull the dry vibrator out of your ass!
Dry vibrator? Ouch…
Hello. Okay, when’s my flight.
Awaiting arrival of Corey Patterson?
Se why I left early buddies? Dusty Baker is a chump, Buddy.
yeah…..this side of Waveland…yeah!
I just read a rumor saying Dusty wants to manage the girls u.s. softball team.
I’m going to take my refined tastes in humor elsewhere. It’s apparent I’m not going to be able to enrich the landscape around here and these trite jokes just make me feel queasy.
yeah….feel queasy…yeah!
Good! Fuck off dude. You won’t be missed here! Why dont you just keep hanging out on Halsted with your queer friends. Fuck Death, I’m Rick James Bitch!
This sucks like nothing has ever sucked before.
huh-huh.
huh-huh-huh.
I think that’s Sarah Michelle Gellar, but she’ll do.
We said Korey is hitting 7th today, but we didn’t give the rest of the lineup…we did mention that E-Ram is hurt.
ARE YOU NUTS!?!?!
I’m going 0 for 4 today with 3 K’s.
I’m baaaaack to torment you!!!!!!!!!
I wouldn’t put it past us to “create” injuries for Aramis and Big Z … just so we have another excuse to use after the season is over.
“We had such bad luck all year, and then when we finally got Nomar and our whole team back, our cleanup hitter and ace go down. Nothing you can do about it. Just a lot of bad luck this year.”
Nice. Not Eliza Dushku. But nice.
How could I possibly be hurt? I don’t….ever….move.
According to a radio report out of Boston this morning, the Red Sox are on the verge of acquiring Mike Remlinger from the Cubs.
I HOPE IT’S FOR MANNY!!!!
Brave!!!
The Score just said Rem went to the BoSox for a minor leaguer. If he’s anywhere near as good as Murton, Dusty won’t play him either.
“I’ll do?” I’m hotter than that female doges Eliza anyways… and I think I kicked her ass a time or two on the show.
Bellhorn… The Cubs can never have too many 2nd basemen.
Maybe Bellhorn can throw a few innings of relief too.
Death, say what you want, just leave my personal info out of it, ‘k?
I’ll willing to bet I get at least five key outs in the World Series this year. All against righties.
God, I love the AC!
11 1/3 IP, 4 H, 0 ER, 4 BB, 3 K.
To #s 35, 48, 51: My sources have confirmed all of the above.
The Sanj
“This is Death” is me. Just in case the general bitchiness didn’t give it away, the use of “rote” certainly should have.
Sorry I showed up instead of Eliza. The site Eliza was linked from must not have liked it and subbed me instead. Bastards.
Just a thought: many believe the Cubs 2004 season went south when Michael Barrett “woke up” the Astros with his tiff with Roy Oswalt. Could the same be said for 2005 and his botched run-down play in Philly last week?
I think the season died when Dolan said it did. Back on that Thursday afternoon in Cincy. I think it was July 18th. The day after Wood’s shoulder exploded.
Does anyone get sick of seeing me on the ad for Yahoo Personals? Didn’t think so.
May 2nd, 2005 at 3:06 pm
Higher Up’s are the real reason this team is going down the drain.
thanks a lot for all the sell outs you’ll give us this year.
we think our “hybrid†team (50% triple A and 50% mlb) is exciting!
hope you enjoy your 76 win season
Sure maybe I woke up the Astros last year. But if we didn’t go in the tank the last two weeks of the season we still would have won the WC. So don’t go blaming 2004 on me.
However, I take full repsonsibility for this year’s collapse.
Yeah, Rubber Stamper and This is Death are the same! No one else could use “rote” competently like those douchés…
Remlinger (and cash) for… Olivo Astacio. From the Cubs website:
I have become the most recent parody of the once great now dead parodies that I have single-handedly destroyed with my eternal funniness. I don’t think I’ll ever go away, I feel “seen” here.
I’m gassy. Need air freshnenenener
Batting 7th, bitches!
#69 OMG UR SO STUPID u sed bitches and thats not funny, i know funny i saw jerry seinfeld do standup once
went to the sosh board to see who this new guy is (Olivo Astacio).
The majority of the people were praising the remlinger adquisition and
ripping Dusty to shreds.
According to them, main reason Remlinger failed is Dusty.
Dusty doesn’t know how to manage and he is a dinosaur, perplexing
that he still has a job, he doesn’t understand stats and how to use them.
Baker bashing not exclusive of Cub fans.
0-4
Lawton LF
Walker 2nd
Lee 1st
E-Ramis 3rd
Burnitz RF
Garciaparra SS
Korey CF
Hank White C
The Franchise p
Me neither.
Maybe we can stop calling me “The Franchise” now? Maybe just call me by my name.
My illustrious career with the Red Sox is over!
Don’t know why I made that trade?
korey will see some gooood pitches! he has the protection of big hank! pitchers will see me on deck and chunks will fall from their bungholes!!!!
Honesty compels me to say that I actually think that’s a pretty good lineup for today.
Is Dusty ill?
78 comments and we’re an hour before first pitch?
I was in the North Woods of Wisconsin this weekend with very little mainstream interaction, although I was able to catch that Sunday night game, when our 3′ 4″ gremlin centerfielder needed 178 steps to reach a hit ball hit to right center, allowing a runner to score from first from a single.
Good times.
If you’re dead.
These Gamecasts are sure to be interesting here in out–assuming Andy’s still going to host them as things go from horrendous to insanely awful.
Great. Back to the bench. I guess I only reached base three times last night.
My apologies.
You were clogging the bases dude..Clogging bases=benched the next day.
Oh, bitch, bitch, bitch.
Walker reached base 3 times too…can I start instead of him, please?
Did you have any Leinei’s?
Neifi! you’ll be in when we make up a fake injury for Walk..
Matt, dude, it’s a day game. it’s hot out there dude. with all the red hair and freckles you’ve got dude, it would be real hard for you to play in this heat.
What part of Northern Wisconsin, Mike? Minoqua or there aboots?
Dusty is tell the trooth. Players of color need to stay on their toes, the world is racist against us. White people always get the free pass. Notice how I not get angry when Dusty say things like this? All Americans need to learn Spanish, or make it the official language. Is not fair.
You seem to mix broken english with well constructed, gramatically correct sentences.
That’s what I do, did you see me on Outside The Lines?
Unlike the Cubs, we fucking rocked.
“I’m not used to bad baseball”
you’re not? this just proves that you’ve been sleeping all season.
So long everyone! Thanks for the memories!
Well Ronny, at least you’ll get more than 1 appearance a week with Iowa.
There will be plenty of us on display at the ballpark this afternoon.
You guys like my get up last night?
Over under on us today…
FYC – Korey looks like Corey for a moment: 1.5
FYA – NoMas plays like Nomar circa 2001: 1.5
Total: 3
So, how many more games do we have to tank in a row to get Dusty canned?
Whoops, minus me too.
crunchy, delicious and beatiful salad…..mmm,mmmm
I’m when Patterson does something besides strikeout or pop up and throw my bat underhaded back to the on deck circle before running toward first.
I’m when Nomar fields a groundall and retires a runner without injuring himself.
Yup, Corey learned that bat flip from me. Aramis already knew it though, he didn’t need any help.
Anyone notice that Desipio, at all times, has to have one absolutely tool who makes 59 bullshit posts a day despite the fact no one likes them? First carloszno1fan, then cubsfaninfla and now … me.
Why?
Brian (#89)–
Yes Minocqua, or thereabouts. Actually south of town.
I arrived back in town just in time to attend last night’s game. Lucky me.
Every time you guys mention me, in my own delusional head, you are stalking me and it make me feel important.
What about when I actually put good wood on the ball? Something I have done maybe once all season, including my rehab stint. I look so done, like Sammy almost. I try to pull everything now, and I hit weak groundballs, or occasionally popouts!
What was Brenley’s get-up last night?
Mike D.-
My parents have some land up in Minocqua. Very nice area.
didn’t I tell you that the telephone in my limousine was busted,and I couldn’t get in contact with my bitches.
Has anyone ever been up to Ladysmith, or thereabouts, real nice up there too. You gotta like northeren Wisconsin, because the people there aren’t your typical Wisconsin retards.
My wristbands are so awesome.
1) Sun Rising in East
2) Cubs Will Not Pennant
3) Todd Walker Will Find an Open Microphone
I miss Corey already :(
Northern Wisconsin rocks, Madison rocks. The rest of the state? Eh.
FWIW, Will’s on Racine is a pretty good urban taste of the Northwoods.
Nobody likes me? sniff. That’s so sad.
Until Ho Chunk gets craps, Wisconsin still holds a back seat to Iowa and their casinos.
Sex In The City? Couldn’t we have just shown something good, like more Rockford Files, or Magnum PI? Or couldn’t we have gone out and gotten a different show to syndicate?
I’m with you Brian, nice places.
Don’t forget me, I’m the tits too.
Why did both Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee get a mention in #93? Someone watching the Star Wars movies again?
I’m not bad, and if it’s craps you want to play, Michigan City, IN is close by,
They were watching Horror Express
I was watching Hound of The Baskervilles. And now I’m watching Dracula–Prince of Darkness.
How about us last night?
WGN also will have “24” in syndication, #120
One out of two isn’t that bad, especially for a Tribune-owned entity…
Hey gang, my sources are telling me that Mike Remlinger may be traded to the Red Sox for Pedro Astacio.
Thoughts, opinions?
How about me? Ya’ know, lights out reliever for the Long Island Dicks
isn’t the same without Bosom Buddies
Bring me back!
We are 1-0
I realize I’m moving just a little bit closer to hell each time I chuckle whenever I hear “drive what Ron Santo drives…”
What WGN should really do is replay my old episodes.
Did you know that Mark Prior was my little bitch?
Just to warn everybody, my hands are really sweaty today so I might suck!
I star that terrifically gifted actor, Keifer Sutherland. Emilio Estevez was class president at Keifer’s mail order acting school.
Corey got to the pop-up and put a squeeze on it!
Take that, Chuck!
And I’m realistic…HA!
No I’m not realistic, but I am good..
wow, 100 entries before the game even starts, we are way too loyal to these sad asses
Hi Cub fans. I just wanted to check in and apologize since I will not be on today’s broadcast. Instead of crapping all over the play-by-play with my absent-minded Homer Simpson imitation that makes one think I cannot possibly be that retarded and ill-prepared on purpose, but that I instead whip out this dumbass persona on purpose in order to grovel for the 10 year old losers and 88 year old biddies in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, I will be having my stubs looked at today.
With any luck, Matt Voltz will have changed the locks on the radio booth so real fans who listen to the game will not continue to be shit on by my cloying, idiotic ass.
What, Prior didn’t give up a run in the first inning?
I thought it was a rule that he had to…
what are the odds that corey gets booed in his first AB?
hopefully he doesnt, if he does the whole rest of the team should too.
We are -240
I’m the best show in television female doges. But I’ll suck in syndication, since you’d have to watch every day. I’m not like Full House where you can just watch whenever and know what you’re going to get.
Who’s filling in for me?
Our lineup should be good for 4 or 5 runs everyday… Underachievers?
When prior is pitching, the cubs have me, is it too much to ask to focus every day?
Screw the cubs, we are 1-0…talk about us.
I used to be good but I’m hard to watch now with all the god damn lovers’ quarrells and relationship problems worked out between characters in the middle of a world-threatening crisis. FF button is now a must when watching me.
Yes, you can hit it at me.
I got a hit? So that’s what happens when you hit it out of the infield.
I looked very focused last night. I kept my eye on every ball that drifted over my head onto Banks Boulevard.
I am also Hank White’s number
Don’t worry, i’ll ground into DP
We might be about 10 games too late.
Hi Sean Casey,
Are you wired? Do you have a microphone on you? You’re friendly. Let’s talk.
Here comes a flyout, female doges. My Sosa-like decline continues before your very eyes.
Does this mean that Andy is going to be going solo during Pat’s dump, or is Dave Eanet going to move up to the booth?
now the cubs get the first two men on base, how often has that happened this year?
I’ve never seen people on the bases when I hit. It’s kind of distracting.
My picture on MLB gameday is very distracting. And very creepy.
Christ, he is very avg now. What the hell?
No love for me, eh?
I filled in for Ole’ Stumpy during the 2003 NLDS. I was the first radio broadcaster since–well, never– to be in the Cubs’ booth during a postseason series clinching game.
I used to be good.
We won’t score due to the fact that our 3 and 4 hitters try to pull every ball into the left field bleachers.
Me too.
If I hadn’t have started to suck gorilla ass and, at the very least, moved a runner over in my at-bat, we’d be up 1-0 right now on Pancake’s flyball.
Shit, must be nice… to have, you know… been good once.
Those guys on base were distracting my power hitters, DUDES.
D Lee bunts and we score on Ramirez’s sac fly. Better than watching our 3,4,5 hitters leave men on 1st and 2nd.
Huh-RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG?
We’ve never heard of 3/4 sleeves before and are at a loss to explain them on Prior.
So,
Did Korky The Clown have a chance at it?
Look now we have a guy on 2nd with 0 outs…bet we can actually score here!
So, did Korey misplay that one? TV-less inquiring minds want to know.
I wanted a single, now I have nobody to talk to at 2nd base.
Man, I’m gonna lose my job as batting practice pitcher if Prior keeps this up.
It’s nice to look like the NL Allstar team for once.
Looks like I’m small today?
Yay errors are fun.
Geez, even Burnitz looks like he has packed it in.
D-FENSE! D-FENSE! D-FENSE! Wh’ heeee!
No, no…Casey just smoked the hell out of it. I did make a funny looking leap, but still didn’t have a play.
Don’t worry, I’ll f___ something up later.
‘Splain. Burnitz dropped the ball?
I just went through the T.V. screen. Fuck this team.
Anyone else feel me?
yeah, Chuck, like hollandsworth did on sunday night
I am the worst. hitter. ever.
Oh boy. I can’t wait to suck ass.
Here we come to save the season!
Hey #189, size 14? Impressive. ;-)
Andy Masur is pissed. His parents are in town to visit and Santo gets back early, thus cositng him more experience as a color commentator.
Something is wrong, Nomar is taking pitches
Guess not
Nomar recovered in time to ground out.
Korey is up and bunts for a hit, Harang couldn’t field it cleanly just to his right of the mound.
FYC!
I’m over it.
I’ve been planning that bunt for 3 weeks.
Wh’hoo!
If you build it…Corey will bunt!
I learned how to bunt!
How long until they charge every time I come up?
Korey with a first pitch, infield dribbler. Nice to see he learned
I’m still the only thing Corey can do
ME!
Woo hoo, my first Desipio post of ’05. I’ve missed you, Andy. Oh, I kid.
That may be the dumbest nickname for Corey that I have ever heard.
I am hitting impressive .235 now, bitches.
Oh, it was a bunt? I had a phoen call and Pat made it sound like a bleeder.
Big Bank Hank
.245 and Rising, female doges!
Like I deserve a better nickname.
here i come
It was an intentional bunt, Harang couldn’t pick up cleanly. Bob said the 3b-man probably would have thrown me out easily if Harang let it go.
It wasn’t pretty but It got the job done.
You’d think I would have something better to do with my time.
Ay LAWTON!!! Get a hit, you idiot!
I am your new hero, bitches.
Get out of my way, Corey Patterson, before I steamroll your carrot-eating ass.
I made and awsome slide. I started sliding after I rounded 1st.
I am the key to this line-up. I make it work, bitches.
I’m already a better player than Lawton.
I was floatin’ balls around the bases, beetches.
I think Hank has been juicin, hombres.
Korey
Klowney
Strut
Mr. Gale Fisher
And my personal favorite– gigantenormous asswipe.
Best. Deadline Trade. Ever.
I can’t believe that I am now officially sexier than Britney Spears. and I do feel sexy.
…Doing in a Pink Bikini?
I’m baaaaaack
Hey, Mark! “It wasn’t pretty but It got the job done.”
I said the same thing about that 195 pound bottle blonde I pearl necklaced in San Francisco that one time!
Who knows?
Stop posting pictures of my women. Are you starting to understand why I always have a pulled groin?
My batting average is a professional grade, Tammy Faye-like cosmetic covering up the deficiencies of one lousy ass ballplayer. I’m like a model who looks super hot once her pictures have been airbrushed to no end until you find out I’m so very average in real life. I am to batting average what Mark Bellhorn is to Home Runs. Off Pesky’s Pole. In the Playoffs. And the World Series. Fuck us.
Brittney’s next film role is in the remake of Moby Dick.
Kid K.
The Franchise.
If only i wasn’t sweaty…
I just picked my nose on TV.
Well, I AM pregnant
Strike three on LaRue was just called ball 1?
Here I come
Moby Dick? They made a book out of that?
My eye black has run down my face, I look like Alice Cooper.
And Ronald McDonald outside the park says it was a smart decision to put grease paint on his face on a 127 degree day.
So what makes people think this Prior fella is good again?
Man….where did I put Gracie’s phone number again? I need to call him and ask him about that slump buster thing he talked with me about.
Watching us play the Reds, you’d think Johnny Bench was still playing. Reds catchers rule!
[incomprehesnsible spanish…….bla bla bla, el bla, bla bla bla….KEEEEL bla bla el bla, senor bla mucho bla.]
Hey Kerry, this striking everybody out while getting my pitch-count up is really fun.
Well done, my pet.
Sources indicate DLee may or may not be gay. It’s in his stride. My sources say.
I’m just here to make you fell bad you didn’t have me for a whole season.
1
What eever damage Jason Lah Roo een-fleects on Meester Mark Prior, is NAHTHING compared to the damage I een-fleect on all of dee Chee-Kago Cubs Peetchers.
Female doges! Be hoppy Javier no play today. I am Cub-keeler of de first order.
ps-
Hoops
Anybody got Derek’s number?
eat it bitches
A lot of shit has been run into the ground, yes. But we still have a few good months on us. Use us liberally.
Fuck all of you
Sources indicate female doges may be some sort of euphamism for “bi.tches”
Hoops
Sources indicate female doges may be some sort of euphamism for “bi.tches”
Hoops
Now he doubles.
Yay?
I took care of the outs
Don’t bother to do me or anything. Yeah, fuck it.
The White Korey.
I am awkardly silent as Ron Santo came as close as his sentimental “everyone’s a good guy” ass has cometo shredding a guy.
Ramirez popped out to Kearns and, according to my legless partner, only ran 40 feet up the first base line, still holding his bat. To which he then followed up:
“I mean, does he not want to play?”
To which I said nothing. I don’t want to upset the president of the Cubs, Mr. McDonough.
“advance the what now?”
FU…I’d never wear my socks like that!
Pat & Ron are talking about Gene Mauch–the born loser.
My career is so over
They knew Ramirez was a lazy-ass in Pittsburgh when they traded for him, and they knew it when they gave him his latest fat contract. He’s only played hard when he was playing for a division title and a contract.
So what’s your point?
Hey Burny! I love how you whiff! Now show D-Lee your titties bitch!
For some reason when I heard that Gene Mauch had died, I immediatly though it was Gene “Stick” Michael who had bought the farm. Then I realized my mistake, and then I realized that it made no difference to me either way.
Lung cancer is having a big week.
1 FYC and FYA? Which was it, and what for?
Chuck, I think it was Corey’s hit in the 2nd inning.
I am hitting the ball well, expect me to go on a contract year hot streak as soon as it doesn’t matter anymore.
did anyone really expect them to score d-lee from 2nd with nobody out? really? be honest, now.
1
gaius, nope.
I sure as hell didn’t!
Actually, Mike, I’m hoping to become the Black Gene Mauch.
Let’s see:
1964– loses last 10 games and coughs up a 6 1/2 lead.
1982– Becomes first team to lose a Best-of-5 NLCS after having been up 2-0 (’84 Cubs were second)
1986–3-1 lead, one out from pennant. Then Angels lose, and lose the next two.
2002–5 run lead in the 8th inning of Game 6 of World Series. Cough up the lead, lose the next game.
2003– 3 run lead in the 8th inning of Game 6 of the NLCS. Cough up lead, lose the next game.
2004–Holding a 1 1/2 game lead in Wild card with 9 games to go, my team proceeds to go 2-7, with 7 of the games at home and 6 against going-nowhere teams.
The only difference is Gene Mauch got CLOSER to the World Series before choking. In my case, I got really close, and now I choke further, and further away from the Promised Land.
I really suck.
gaius: yes-I mean nope.
Me neither.
i knew someone did, caramis. shame on you!
shut the fuck up Casey!
Wow. Badly handled bunts have become FYCs.
The soft bigotry of low expectations.
We would take a half-point off but he did score and we’re in grace period mode as he just got back from Purgatory.
this Prior guy is good.
You have that kind of speed, you hit the ball on the ground, good things should happen. You have that kind of speed, you hit the ball in the air, you’re Jerry the Lesser and you get no FYCs.
The FYC – O Meter seems to be operated by the judge from the USA. The Russian judge would ahve taken the half point away, no question.
Whoo! That last curve by prior was nasty.
I’ve been in IOWA too long…what be FYC?
Conspicuously blank.
69 pitches through four complete — dusty should have no trouble getting him up to 130.
I will get on base to start another rally. Me and Hank to the rescue.
Do you like how I sound more “latino” in that commercial? It’s cool huh? I put that in all by myself.
FYC-O-Meter: .75
FYA-O-Meter: .000
Fuck! Here I go again.
I am back!
I strike out on 3 pitches.
I think I’ll just bunt the first pitch for awhile.
.5
F y’all. My 3 game hitting streak is intact, I’m done for today.
421974212172417241679517419274612746171267567546724.
Hank White with a 6 pitch at bat. When was the last time Beirut did that?
Er, make that 2 games.
Oops, sorry.
I could have turned that into an inside the parker….you suck Prior
What does ‘FYC’ or ‘FYA’ etc. stand for?
I fucking suck. Its time to put the young ‘fella in the game.
i am retarded
.5
FUck’s sake Im hotter than shit. I’m sweatier than Marge Schott’s crotch, I mean when she was alive. That’ll teach me to blow $25,000 on Ryno memoribilia while ignoring my central air concerns.
fyc….. fya???????
What are the odds of the Cubs getting out of this inning without pissing me away?
what am i?
COME THE FUCK ON PPL
#319, i think they’ll have to wait until prior gets tired. which should be next inning.
319…Or until I decided to make another error..
84 through five. tick tock.
.5
If you had the under, you’re looking golden right now.
How the f*#k did we do that last year?
Source of FYC:
https://www.desipio.com/messageboard/index.php?topic=1076.msg13625#msg13625
Lee swings, and this is why we suck.
I think Lee’s shoulder is still hurt. I saw him wince the other night on a swing and a miss.
Something’s wrong with him.
Who the hell am I?
On his knees too much?
seriously, every ball hit to him, he drops straight to his knees…
yeah! You know whats wrong with D-Lee? He’s tired of carrying this team!
So, who will blow me today?
Yeah Chuck, I’m going back to normal.
Why was I trying to bunt?
that would explain his slide over the last few weeks, chuck. that and being human after all.
thanks for the link chuck,
sorry if I sound like a dumbass, but is it supposed to be for you chuck?
Billiken is a name that was picked from Chinese legend, when the Chicago Defender Charities organized a community club for youths in 1923. In the legend, Billiken was a guardian angel and patron saint of children. The name Bud was added to make the name complete.
I’ll take a shot at blowing the one run lead today!
Good thing Griffey is done.
How many times have the Cubs flied out today? FUCK!
Respect me bitches
When Corey does’t Fuck Up.
sorry Will, I beat you to it.
I’ll blow myself, Will.
I feel like hitting 2 home runs today
Sorry Will, I beat you to it.
Call it a game mutherfuckers! This is when the proverbial wheels fall off!
yak yak yak….bla bla bla….yak yak yak….bla bla bla….. bla…..bla bla bla bla …..
Keep it right there Mark. I’ll give up the game winning homer to Junior.
Hey Ron, get your damn hands off my leg! Stop hitting on me!
Crack is a hell of a drug!
Mark Prior can blow himself, apparently.
That’s hot
HAS KASPER EVER ACKNOWLEDGED ME?
That’s your leg? I thought it was mine!
How’s the trim at the ballpark today? Oh, if only I could see for myself! Some of the best trim I ever see is at good ole’ Wrigley!
Score some runs dammit…don’t make me go to the yankees! (CRINGES fill the internet)
Rub my stumps, Patrick
Fu Hightops bar…..
MISS ME FEMALE DOGES?
speaking of cringes, I heard a rumor, (unsubtantiated probably) that the Yankees want to offer D-Lee 100mil.
anyone know anything about this?
100 pitches through six. get warm, mr ohman.
Here comes some sex
Crack is whack!
Who had August 9 in the Nomar’s first Dinger of the Season pool?
I really got my nose behind that one
“mia likes it”
FYC – .5 for the bunt
FYA – .5 for the 6-3 putout by Casey on which Nomar remained somewhat intact and didn’t spike himself.
#1
That was the epitome of “too little too late”
Forever.
There you go Prior, you pretty boy.
0-2…uh oh
Show me your titties Mia! I’m Rick James Bitch!
I just shortened my swing! Holy Shit! It works!
F*&# Apex, his family, his dog, his religion and his stalker.
I’m getting ready Mr. Gaius. This lead ain’t gonna last long!
he didn’t really shorten his stroke, did he? not actually?
That’s another .5!
i have more home run than nomar. i keeel theee ball better than nomar. plus, i catch one hell of ball game. i no see nomar fan club. only hank fan club. thank you.
hey Nomar! what did I ever do to you? I don’t even exist, give me a break.
I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it!
I’m dying to know, who the hell is “Hank White from de Mexico”
Mark told me he wanted to stay in a blow this one himself….or maybe he said blow himself…oops
encarnacion…. get that pen working, dusty!
Since when did I add the Long Ball to my repertoire?
That’s OK Mark, it’s a nice cool Fall day. You’ve got at least another 25 pitches in you. Go get ’em!
Mark:
When you turned into Kerry “100 pitches thru 6 innings” Wood.
Did somebody say they have some blow?
Dammit Mark, when do I get to blow this game?
any guesses as to the double switch du jour? or will he just leave prior out there no matter how many pitches it takes?
Good one Rick
I honestly think I could hitt better than Aaron Harrang.
Hey Will, you stud, I’d rather have you blow me.
383# Hank White is Henry Blanco. Exept he is not from Mexico. So many Latin countrys and we always end up being Mexican!
Just wondering, why pick on Will Ohman? Of all the sad sacks in Cubs middle relief, Ohman’s the least sad.
Someone is trying to live off my glamour on this website! Beware of a fake Rick James!
Am I Paul Bako’s twin brother?
haha, I am Hank from de Mexico.
I’m such a loser
I own you Jeff Gordon!
final line: 7 ip, 8 h, 3 er, 0 bb, 11 k, 2 hr, 117 pitches
I know he’s not from Mexico, (give me some credit here Rick james) I’m talking about the guy on the tag board who says “Hallo dis es Hank from de Mexico”…
398…that’s who I look like…I was trying to figure it out.
Hey Whitney, Don’t let me see you talking to Rick James no more bitch!
Please tell me why the Gremlin is in the game as a PH?
Some dumb fuck! I was confused by your question there Caramis!
Some one forgot to tell me that NASCAR drivers aren’t supposed to be gay.
I love the matchup problems Macias presents. Saying he can hit from both sides of the plate is accurate if by hit you mean look silly and/or hit in to a double play. I figure it doesn’t hurt anyone if we let him make the first out, though.
Gotta get the Gremlin in…hot day…lots of sweating out there…
Hollandsworth must be taking a nap.
can’t go a day without a gremlin at-bat. not with jhj on the dl.
Thanks for the ground out Gremlin. How is it that the Gremlin doesn’t melt in the sunlight?
404….so I can get fired.
Show me your titties Whitney!
Deh Gremm-len!
I’m gonna pour water on Macias after the game
“Macias wears uniform number one, which is more than the number of things he does well enough to be a major leaguer.”
We cannot seem to bother Matt Lawton while he bats.
Man Dusty! You never cease to amaze me with you shot calling! Why dont we just let Cowboy Ray from the Mancow show manage the team!
418, we now need a compare-and-contrast recent photo of her as a crackhead.
Hey Whitney! THE MILK’S GONE BAD!!!!!
“Walker hit it good.” – Andy Masur
Bestest English I’ve ever heard.
In July, there were only 9 games I didn’t appear in. Of the 19 I did appear in, 4 were starts. This alone should be enough to get Dusty fired.
Hey Whitney! THE MILK’S GONE BAD!!!!!
Those “Rick James” posts were semi-funny the first 50 times you posted. Turn the page, bitch.
If watching this piece of shit baseball team is your kind of fun, you need to drink a case of me!
Here I am bitches!
aaaaaah. here we go. will ohman.
FYC – .5
FYA – 1
It’s a push right now.
Fuck you Dave! Crack head mutherfucker!
So who breaks Ohman’s back today, Griffey or Dunn?
Did Bob just do a Gremlin mating call?
is this really me?
Hey Chappelle, It’s on bitch.
Don’t post pictures of Whitney Houston, or every other stupid thing you can think of. Posting a fat version of Britney Spears is funny. Whitney Houston is ugly and stupid.
^GOD hath spoken
#431. It will be Dunn.
hmm…didn’t see that coming.
As we know there is no way the Cubs can win this game, how about some guesses on how they will lose it? Maybe the Reds will have a man on 3rd with one and Patterson will catch a pop-up and toss it into the stands, thinking it’s the third out allowing the runner to advance. We haven’t seen that yet.
OoooooooooH MAN.
Ohman blowing the game… There are a lot of us on here.
Hey guys!
Give Me steinbreners number.
lol — ohman’s in need of a vicious mean reversion, and larue is giving it to him.
Whoo!
I guess that’s why you gave Ohman crap.
Dave Chapelle is probably Death! I thought you were gone.
Never mind.
Man, these fuckers sure love to come in to Wrigley and hack away, don’t they?
#438, too late. I’ll put out that the next 6 Cub batters are retired without making a threat. K Pat will strike out to end the game.
Do I still get a hold for this game?
Griffey or Dunn? Hell No. Jason LaRue will do just fine.
Jason F-in LaRue?
I need to come here more often…
Three 7 game loosing streaks in one year. We are impressive.
449…I will foul pop out…I DON’T strike out anymore remember?
Three 7 game loosing streaks in one year. We are impressive.
because Lee, Ramirez and Burnitz will all try to hit home runs..
Dusty needs to get his ass kicked by Ronny WOO-WOO! I would pay to see that!
It’s okay Brian. While my stats can confuse you, keep in mind I’m still a memeber of the Cub pen.
455…can it be a foul pop out on a bunt attempt?
Great, Way to go Ohman, you struck out Adam Dunn, whoop-de-friggin-do. will you die now?
Just thought I’d stop by to say hi to all you dumbass cubs fans!
Can someone tell me why Ohman is still here and not in Iowa or Peoria? FUCK!
460…works for me. I learned how to do that in Iowa too.
See you guys next time!
Funny, I don’t miss the cubs at all right now.
May I refer you to the lefthandedness and the 2.83 ERA
don’t forget to swing from your heels, everyone! you’re down by a run!
If the Reds put in a lefty so Murton can bat . . . nah I’m sure Dusty is waiting for a chance to let Hollandsworthless strike out
watch me swing from my ass
I used to hit well.
anyone keeping track of the number of pop ups by the middle of the order today? my guess is 7
I need to take a year off. My faux home run call has been way off the entire year.
I, too, now suck.
Nice to see E-ramis take a couple pitches. God do I hate this team.
can we make it 3 for 3?
FUCK YOU WILL! I hope you get uncontrolable diahrea in the bullpen!
Murton Mercker..has a nice ring to it.
I got my contract what do I care?
lol — yeah, 474, you wouldn’t want to work the count against an awful newbie reliever, wouldya?
Remember when I would go the other way for doubles instead of weakly popping out every at bat . . .
Well I figured Wood and Williamson aren’t ready to pitch the 8th inning of a tied game, so I went to Ohman. Makes sense right?
I’m back to torture you morans
And then the Cubs looked out and saw . . . Mercker, and disaster for the Reds was almost certain.
I have a bad feeling about this.
Somehow I see a Nomar single and a Korey homer.
Korey gets FYC #3 and follows with an 0-14.
burnie 1-22 lifetime against mercker
Someone tell Burnitz you increase your chances of getting a hit if you swing at strikes.
We are all doing great since we left the cubs.
How close was that to going out? Warning track? Wall?
update: 1-for-23.
#481. He is doing it on purpose so he can get fired! This way he can say he did not quite and that he is still “the players coach”. Fuck him man!
I’m gonna be the hero today
479…I’d be shocked to even see that. This team is so undisciplined at the plate. Can someone start packing Gene Clines’ luggage?
Hey #487–
What? You think that’s just a fucking coincidence?
Does anyone notice a pattern for me this game? Pop out strikeout Pop out strikeout . . . My GOD! I have become Korey Patterson
I am a f%^king idiot! I totally forgot we had this Williamson dude…my bad.
When the bat flung into the seats nails some jerkoff yapping away on his mobile phone, not watching the game.
i have to ask — when burnitz is 1-22 lifetime, and you have murton on the bench utterly killing lefties — why, if you are dusty, are you not making the switch and moving lawton over to right?
come on guys, this is a good ball club we’re losing to.
Hey Rick James, take your potty-mouth, unfunny posts and get the hell outta here!
#496. Kick ass man!
Potty mouth? what the fuck are you talking about you stupid little bitch!
Someone will double in the 9th and Dusty will bring me to the plate with two outs. Dribbler to first, I’m thinking.
I’ve got a feeling we’ll see Michael Beirut for a quick strikeout.
Jesus Christ, how do they keep getting away with that sending of the runner and SWINGING THE BAT?!?!?!?! This is complete bullshit. If I was allowed to make proactive moves like that, we’d be over .500.
wow, williamson looks really solid!
Where’s super reliever Kerry Wood?
Man do I look like a sage, Hollandsworthless to the rescue
I feel a Jason LaRue 3-run triple coming on.
Hey Dusty…I’m host a free manager’s clinic every fall back in Cinci….it’s usually for little league managers looking to get started, but you can come too.
Murton…Naw, Holly, dudes. You are conceding if you play rookies this late in the season, dudes. I owe it to my veterans.
And thus it was 7…..
497 — especially since YOU WERE GOING TO LIFT BURNITZ FOR HOLLANDSWORTH ANYWAY!
my god, dusty is the greatest ignoramous in the employ of any major-leauge team anywhere, including everyone in the reds front office.
my luck had to run out eventually, just like the washington nationals,
The Cubs! Fuck yeah!
I guess if you’re going to crap the bed, you should make a real big mess. Don’t screw around with it.
I will be driving to the Twin Cities tomorrow afternoon, listening to the game, PRAYING that they lose, so that it will be obvious to Jim Hendry, Dennis Fitzimmons, the ghost of Salty Saltwell, Dutchie Caray and Ronnie Woo-Woo that the only thing to do–as the Cardinals come in to further humiliate the Cubs– is to whack that degenerate, holy-water swilling, voodoo peddling, no tactical, non-proactive-driven inert, sits-on-his-thumb-all-day-and-chews-his-stupid-goddamn-iconic-toothpicks sorry excuse for a major league baseball manager, Johnnie “Fucking” Baker.
Is absofuckinglutely sickening.
I just said I don’t remember a worse second half since I’ve been broadcasting.
The thing is, i’m telling the truth. I DON’T remember what Jason LaRue did in his last at-bat, so how is my addled brain going to recall 1999 and 2000?
Any refernce to me is OUTSTANDING.
Is Dusty still curled up on Dick Pole’s lap? Someone should wake him.
We love this cursed, pathetic franchise. Our friend eight will be in town shortly.
Hey Cub fans, come out to Wrigley and view me in all my splendor!
It’s over! I cant believe it man!
dunn and casey own dempster. he’d better get griff.
Mr. Ritto, Mr. Ritto, what is your pant rength?
Today, they need to fire Dusty and Hendry – Dusty can’t manage and this team doesn’t even have enough decent players to stock a AAA team.
At least my d&%c is still attached.
why do we have so many god damned fans?
oops! thanks, nomar! you’re real good!
For the non-tv/radio audience, did Captain Beak go for the jump throw?
Good one 526
Don’t worry, I’m sure we’ll score 5 in the ninth.
Over / Under on number of pitches thrown in the bottom of the 9th? I’ll go with 8 and take the under.
They simply tried too hard that inning.
No jump throw, just an old fashioned Alex G. boot job.
I can’t even put into words the bullshit that is taking place right now! This shit is begining to give me an ulcer!
The Rick, no, unfortunately gonzo made no acrobatic throwing attempt, because that would have required fielding the ball first.
that flushing sound you hear is whatever cub pride remained after sixty years of abuse heading over to the water reclamation district.
Why are we still here?
Thanks guys, it just said error on my net applet and Beak has a knack for jump throwing routine plays.
Thats 6 pitches
Weathers with 6 pitches and two outs.
Let’s finish this at-bat so I can go back to the clubhouse and finish that pile of blow I’ve been snorting all afternoon.
WTF is the point?
#540– Because the best humor springs from anger and frustration. See: Hicks, Bill and Carlin, George.
well that was fun.
Hey Dusty! So why have you decided to keep taking dumb fuck pills in the morning before games?
Of course, “Rick James” has brought the level of humor to Pauly Shore Land…
We look like the 2002 Cubs. That’s not good.
546…do you mean George as in “Boy George?” Cuz that guy always cracks me up
Yo Mike D., I agree.
If you had Beirut striking out to end the game . . . nice. I personally thought either Korey or Hollandsworthless, but you have to give it to those Cubs its a different guy every day. Thanks alot 3-4-5 for you ONE hit today.
Is what makes this travesty of a season funny.
I have 4 tickets to the STL game on Saturday, and I’m not going. I’m not selling them or anything, or even giving them away. I am just going to burn them. Why? Because I do not want anyone else getting sick over watching the product that Dusty and Jim have put together.
I just said “you can’t feel sorry for yourselves” in referring to the Cubs.
Time I start to practice what I preach?
I can only hope I get the pleasure of watching the ASStros meltdown and miss the playoffs.
Can I have the last 2hr 45min of my life back?
I thought it was going to be Korey, but I miscounted. I did predict 6 up and 6 down without a baserunner though.
I was predicting that I could start to concentrate on football by Aug. 17th, but in wake of the stellar play, I might be able to start this weekend. Thanks Jim Hendry for giving a whole new meaning to mediocre.
wow….man…that was bad….wow…I mean just really, really……bad….
I only struck out once today. That’s good right? FU Gene Clines. Hope you enjoy coaching first base in Memphis or Toledo for the rest of your career ‘cuz that’s where you’re going to end up after Dusty crashes this ship with you and everyone else associated with it into Lake Michigan.
What was that that just flew by? Was that the Brewers?
Shame and woe to us all.
Anyone listening to me on the postgame show? Watch me express disgust and pretend to call players out, only to later ingratiate myself with Baker and Hendry and ask them how they deal with such mean, mean fans.
I’m an assclown of the first order and I need to be beaten with a pillowcase full of ball bearings.
What do you suppose Mike Maddux is doing next baseball season? Think he might want a real job?
Did we boo? Please say we did…
That is our record since the three-headed broken-carriage of a monster–Krissy, Hook Nose and Bushy Head– showed up in New York.
Wasn’t acquiring these has-beens supposed to be akin to having made “three trades”?
Ummm, great trades, eh?
0-5.
Wow, when we took the lead in the 2nd, it was our first lead in 55 innings
Is being an assclown anything like being an assman? I need answers please.
We are trying v. hard. I’m sick of you not appreciating how hard we try. Look, Just look. My shirt is covered in sweat. That indicates hard work. Our manager, GOD love him, is in his office right now, thinking of excuses for you ungreatful losers. Maybe tomorrow, we will not try as hard, then you’ll see how bad things get.
That’s a nice term for the Cubs
Worse than the game, even.
Rick James, Hank from de Mexico, and the joke police couldn’t have had anything to do with that, could they?
all this pain and anguish that is cub baseball will be compensated with a surprising and refreshing bear football season of 10-6, division title and playoffs.
I hope so.
Not only is this season a kick in the balls. I am surrounded my White Stocking fans here at work and I need to listen to there shit all day! Cheers guys!
Woo Cubs can loose Woo
Woo but the white sucks and cards blow Woo
woo and joe morgan too woo woo
!
You can put it on the board. YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We DID Boo, but still cheered when C-Pat missed another ball in center off the vines….Tori Hunter makes that catch….C-Pat doesn’t. Our left fielder is our speedy lead off hitter but can’t move while on grass…too many balls played right in front of him. Macias…too swingy no hitty, Aramis…too hurty no runny, D Lee…too tired, no hitty, Dusty…too toothpicky no managey, Todd Walker….too shorty of home run powery, Nomar…too Mia Hammy no rangey. All in all a lousey bull pen effort on top of all of the above wastes a strong effort by Prior….At least the Bears may have an offense this year.
Ooh, someone here listens to us.