Pitching matchup
Astros: Magic Wandy 7-12, 4.67 ERA
Cubs: Sean Marshall 7-6, 4.04 ERA
Cubs lineup
Dance Fever, ss
PonDeRosa, 2b
MV Lee, 1b
E-ramis, 3b
Keystone, rf
Ginger, lf
Hank White, c
Jock, cf
Sean Marshall, p
Shop the Desipio/Pointless Exercise Store
I’m the dumbass du jour today? What have I done to deserve that? Is my suckage that evident?
It’s my fault for stroking him so much during last night’s telecast. The power of the jinx.
What do I have to do to get a funny and/or ironic desipio nickname?
I ask Ken Doll today, hey mang, you know Wally Pipp. He don’ know heem. He will after today, mang.
everyone knows I kill the cubs.. how many hits for me in the series?
I hope Marshall hits Carlos Lee in the head. I hate that fucker.
Why aren’t I being called Pig Man yet?
i’m back!
I like Pig Man for Marshall.
got salad?
Elvira!
Holy Crap! Trachsel is back! If we could just get Tapani to come out of retirement, it would be just like old times.
I’m available, in case anyone was asking. I know Hendry is preparing for a one-game playoff to get to the postseason, so that’s why Trachs is the right guy. If he needs someone to eat some innings, or a few hundred cheeseburgers…well, he’s got my number.
I’m sure I’ll pitch in one of the games in St. Louis. Lots of good memories there.
Got room for me, too, guys?
figure trach is back why not have a reunion?
I called in sick for this. The fancam better not let me down today.
be honest guys..you are going to miss me next year
Brenly drops the Hank White reference when reading off the Cubs lineup. Positive.
did someone say 1998
My favorite.
Let’s see how fast how old I can get
marshall cant find me!
It’s my last series at Wrigley.
Somewhere, Chip Caray is sobbing uncontrollably.
Cock Suckers
Holy shit, I’m not retired????
Biggio, don’t worry. Rickie Weeks is the new you.
We do better in coming back from early deficits. This is just how we planned it…I’m sure.
God, I hate that eye-liner wearing, lip stick loving, drama queen Berkman.
Just wetting the bed for Trachsel.
Looks like Sean Marshall heard the Cubs traded for a starter and decided now would be a good time to flame out and enjoy a nice, quiet September.
I’ve decided to spot the Asstrolls the lead because come from behind wins are more exciting. That is if we come from behind today it will be.
Speaking of eyeliner wearing, isn’t Loretta’s eye black a little high?
One run is all I need.
Against you guys, anyway.
Sean is off to a good start.
Wandy has the awful road splits, right?
Let’s see how horrible my syntax is.
Wandy is 1-9 on the road with an ERA over 7.
We’re in a panic over losing Rocky Cherry and Scott Moore in the same day. This is just like when Buddy Holly’s plane crashed!
I believe the word you were forgetting was AND
I suck so far
I think Lou needs to tell Sean to drop a deuce BEFORE the game starts next time.
So this is what my first inning looked like from the dugout.
That’s nice. I’m going to go kill a kitten now.
Why are they booing?
This is awfully early for me to warm up.
I don’t mean because it’s the first inning. I mean because it’s 1:40 in the friggin’ afternoon.
Had ’em all the way.
What, you guys were worried? I only gave up one hit.
(And three walks)
Wuertzst was up in the pen.
funny stuff!
Asstroll’s are certainly doing their best to beat the Cubs in this category.
What are you guys all worked up about? You act like we’re in a division race or something.
31 pitches in the 1st inning. That’s better than Lilly. yay
Now that it looks like we’re it for the long haul this next month, I thought I would pipe in a bit.
Dusty’s really got to be singing the blues lately, especially if the Cubs really do make the playoffs.
I know what he’ll say, “Oh dudes, Doughnut Boy Hendry never spent that kind of cash back in my day? I got snakebitten the whole time I was with the Cub organization. It’s just not like the old days when I played with Hank. Everything is about winning games?”
Well Dusty’s ass might as well get use to sitting in that ESPN chair(until they at least fire him), but he’s dreaming if he’s got a shot here soon at a MLB manager’s job. Maybe some rookie league will take him to listen to all his Hank stories.
But anyway, looking forward to the run at the playoffs. With our lack of hitting power, and of course the clowns out of the bullpen(excluding The Marmot) it should be an “On the Ledge” type of month.
Go Cubs!
Hey Chuck! Theriot did a great job leading off, there, didn’t he?
Screw you. I’m busy soaking $100 bills in ice water and wrapping them around my quad.
Who’s giving shit about the 1998 mentions?
Baker Basher? I thought he was dead.
What is he now, the Piniella Pundit?
Hello!
22
Wow, I got through the first. That was rough. I just need to sit down, relax for a couple minutes and catch my…what? Shit! The inning’s over already?
I might not throw 31 pitches all game.
not going out today
Heard about the reunion. I’m going to see if I can find my glove and a pair of pants I can still get both legs into.
I had a huge mole on my neck in 1998. IN A CUB UNIFORM!
cant believe my parents named me wandy
If you guys are gonna play the White Sox again this year, give me a call. Otherwise I’ve got toilets to clean.
This is gonna be great.
I can catch Wood
trying not to laugh during this interview
I get fatter by the second
I’m excited about having Trachsel back. I’m also excited that Marshall took 45 minutes to get through the top of the first, to get us used to having Trachsel back.
How can this not work?
(Guh.)
How have the bullpen guys been clowns? Eyre’s the only clown around.
Trachsel gives you six innings…or three hours, whichever comes first.
If I wear a yellow and red striped long sleeve shirt, I look like a clown!
So does Trachsel get me again?
Andy McPhail lovefest. Yayyyyyyyyyy!!!! fuck you and Hendry.
ha!
I’m so fat my ass is still in Wrigley while the rest of me is in Milwaukee.
wonder what buffet hendry is going to hit up after the interview
Hendry just named all of his scouts. Did he say Dennis Weaver?
McCloud is a scout for the Cubs?
Sweet.
Happy now, bitches?
You mave missed it because fatass was running his fatass mouth with Len and Bob, but I had a great inning.
Sup?
I do it! I do it! A 1-2-3 inning! I do it all by myself!
Sheriff Lobo could kick McCloud’s ass.
yo
Thanks Dolan, glad to be back!
What’s up with Hendry’s trading? Does he not deal with anybody except the Pirates and Orioles? What’s next, will Doughnut Boy go after Gabor Bako?
It’s going to be one heck of an interesting September. Dunkin Doughnuts will definitely be working overtime to satisfy Jim!
Hendry tried to acquire me, but the manager of the Sonic that I worked at wouldn’t throw in enough cheese covered tater tots to seal the deal.
Sorry guys, I won’t be able to make it.
Len just said the Trachsel trade, “Wow, I like this move a lot.”
I mean, it’s no Deep Purple concert, but…
Wait, are we talking about conner MacLeod, Scott McCloud? Who is this McCloud fellow?
Dad gave me his bus route, so I can only pitch on Wednesdays and Saturdays.
What’s that? The 1995 reunion’s down the hall?
Whoops.
http://www.tv.com/mccloud/show/103/summary.html
Did someone order a GIDP?
Like my DP grounder now?
Monroe must be taking BP with Jock.
Wow, I feel young all the sudden.
When did the Cubs get this “Murton” fella? I’ve never seen him before yesterday. He looks kind of like some useless redheaded hack that used to play soccer in the outfield. He might be a keeper.
If I come back, can I still leave before game 162?
hey how’s it hangin’?
Pat just said that Murton’s not an adventuresome runner at first. I think that depends on what your definition of adventuresome is.
I still suck at hitting.
hey I can make it to chicago in a few days.. play outfield and give santo one more heart attack
boo
#96, enjoy it while you can.
What, Apex, you didn’t see his Pele act in the OF last night?
true
#85…cheese tater tots. Yum
I was at the Bears game last night.
Well, I started on opening day and WAS supposed to be the best 3rd baseman since that Santo guy. Hey, who wants to play “Where are they now?”
Can I get traded for Matt Karchner again?
(raises hand)
Oh…me, me me!! I’ll play.
Len’s doing a nice Chip impression right now. So is Bob.
What a treat! To hang with Biggio in the bleachers!
I’d rather hang with O.J.
cant they just put him in there now?!?
Uh…how come DeRosa didn’t plant on that and make a good throw? Beege ain’t so fast no more.
I’ve got time.
Fucking sweet play by E-Ram.
Suck it, ogdens. No pancakes for me!
that’s how it’s done, ogdens
Biggio slid into second when no play was made on him. The Cubs can’t get Al or E-ramis to slide when there are plays made on them.
Plugging hard for E-Ram’s first Gold Glove. Was that play that good?
I just farted.
You rang?
Hey, Beege! How come I ain’t invited to the bleachers?
Hello!!
Oh wait, I thought you said 1898 reunion… my bad.
Yes, the play was that good. When you see it, you’ll smile at his positive world force. Great dive. Great throw.
i knew your were wrong Bill.
damn it.
Hello!
Yo, Len and Bob, fuck the killer bees. Don’t wanna hear about it.
Are we out of me already?
Whattup Niggaz.
Looks like our Cardinals’ expert BC was right about the Cards’ DL-ing Rolen the day before rosters expand. He’s flying to Cincinnati to have Kerry Wood’s favorite malpracticioner Tim Kremchek look at his bad shoulder (which, ironically until this year was the ‘good’ one), and he’s going to miss two weeks no matter what, and will have to decide if he wants to try to get through the last two weeks of the season or have surgery.
Miguel Cairo will be activated to take his spot and to play third base.
I suddenly feel better about adding Steve Trachsel.
#119, it’s was pretty fucking good.
Any of you Desipiots know if Maine South plays it’s home games at their own football field there in Park Ridge.
I’m having trouble adjusting to all this neutral site shit up here. Back home schools have their own damn field. And uniforms and bands that don’t play the fight song during the national anthem.
Not even nearly…
I’m writing Len and Bob another email. I have a good history of getting through to them.
I wonder if Kremchek will recommend surgery on Rolen’s elbow.
Sorry I just got the message. I was fuckin a fat bitch
**** no #128
And I bet you’d forgotten about me, Ogdens.
Don’t forget about me, the most impressive Marc since Boot Hill.
Throw your fuc*ing candy bars, b*tches!
Howdy folks here from Hotlanta, home of the Bravos.
I would like to be there in the good ole ballpark for
our 1998 reunion but that is not possible, I even have
my pistacchio sweater on.
I would like to take this opportunity to say hello to my
imaginary family back in Orlando, Florida, folks.
Stoney won’t be able to go also, he says there’s not
much visibility today for reunions.
I was so ashamed of 1998, I changed my name.
DonWengert*cough*
I’m not even breaking a sweat.
Maybe I should keep jinxing Houston.
Wow, Corky sure blew that one…
(creeps in)
Here’s Kennie!
Did all of the fucking Astros shave just before the game? They all look really clean cut and well groomed! I mean Berkman is freshly clean-shaven. It’s really fucking creepy.
I’m not sure I’m not 1998. The ‘Stros are getting Brant Browny out there.
fresh out of gas station school
I’m back!
I mean I’m still here!
I think?
Even I don’t remember me.
A walk and a runner in scoring position. What will we think of next?
I pitch tonight in game 7 of the Mexican League Final!!!
I win championships, not like you, buddies!!! hehe
Pat just said BJ Armstrong’s doing the strecth today.
A ’98 reunion and nobody calls the old skipper?
Eh.
…did Tony Fossas.
Or did you say me already?
I hope I don’t show up
Hi Everybody!
I’m pig latin for the new guy. Or a spoonerism. Or something.
That’s more like me
Take that back…about E-Ram.
Hey, let’s play “Did you know?”!
Did you know my salary in 1998 was only $170K?
How about me, and my 7.5 ERA. Are we invited?
So we can win series against the Brewers and the Cards, but we can’t beat teams like the Pirates, Astros and the Reds. Makes sense.
What’s up whores?
I guess I went 1.3 innings that year. Who knew?
You were me that year, Bob Patterson.
Holy crap. I can’t tell what’s more painful: listening to this Cubs game, or reading this 1998 Cubs reunion.
Bitches
jesusfuckingchrist. I played hooky for this shit?!
Game.
Was I the Aardsma of my time?
Fuck this.
So long, Sean
I was only 52 in 1998, and only on my 23rd Major League team.
We did win the division.
Why are they booing again?
I just pitched myself off the playoff roster
Is it worth pointing out that those 3 runs are unearned due to Pancake’s gold glove?
Probably not.
I hear ya. But remember, do your due dillegence. A complete game shutout late September in Cincinatti.
I have a going problem.
Think I’ll go take a Sean Marshall break while he cleans his pants…
I schecduled a fucking meniscectomy for this shit. I wonder how tramadol goes with beer.
As usual, I have to do everything myself.
#185, I’m very sorry to hear about your procedure today, but I would be interested to know about the tramadol and beer experiment.
I get back from an appointment, it’s 2:20 and I see 155 comments. Holy crap. There were barely 100 for an entire game last night.
Atta way to be, Desipiots. Lowering workplace productivity since 2003!
…rocks…but makes your winky go limpy….beware…
Clutch walk.
Or is it craig
Wikipedia reports that tramadol can also be used to treat OCD and premature ejaculation. So, uh, you’ve got that going for you at least.
Why does it look like I just ate an entire bowl of pasta between innings every time they show me?
great take
You can call Greg, or you can call me Craig, or you can call Graig, but you doesn’t have to call me…
I’m so glad I BB’d
what is this pitch called a curveball?..hmm
I should’ve said I scheduled it so I’d be out recovering today. Okey-dokey, Mr. Tripel Karmeliet has a new friend.
How come I never pitch in meaningful situations?
I don’t know, 199
careful…beverage!
….our hitting coach should be questioned…then beaten.
..abides.
You’re out of line, 200. Name another Cubs pitcher in the last 10 years you’d rather have had starting a big game than pre-2004 Kerry Wood. If you disqualify Kerry over Game 7 then you sure as hell have to disqualify Mark Prior over Game 6, who choked in a much more obvious fashion than Wood did in Game 7.
Zambrano has not been a big game pitcher, and Maddux was good, but not great in the playoffs.
Oh well. The worst case, at the end of the day, is we’re up by 1.5 tonight. I know that reasoning will get some folks’ panties in a bind, but so be it.
What happened? Did we all get drunk at HiTops last night? We look like sluggish, disinterested crap today.
How many outs guys? Should I charge?
I also pitched great in Game 3 of the 1998 NLDS, since we’re on that topic.
Is we would have our asses handed to us in the playoffs anyway. fuck this shit dude!! I’m tired of excuses. This team is killing me, killing my family and my staff. It’s time to bring up the kids from single A.
Do the Cubs do the how-many-outs-are-there drills? They fucking need to.
Not sure why Lou won’t give Wood a single meaningful inning. He’s had two sub-par outings but has otherwise looked quite good. I know all the games are important now, but Kerry is not exactly Will Ohman. He should get a chance to contribute. Using him this way, the Cubs will have no idea whether or not to sign him for next year.
Gamecasts usually slow to me once a certain user shows up. Let’s see if the magic can be worked today.
It’s only the 5th fucking inning! Get yer asses in gear!
Who!?
What am I supposed to do here?
Can see I missed nothing except for a pound and a half of crap…
simply not our day…
What’s with all of these fags hitting flyballs to the track?
Stop swinging for the freaking fences. The wind is blowing in.
leave that to me
The Cubs will score 6 in the 6th against Wendy.
Throw fucking strikes you bitch.
Ausmus was out. Shit.
Out by 3-4 feet. Umpires suck.
Oops. Question is moot. #($%#$#%*&%$! Pence
Good thing Lou left me in to bat for myself. It was totally important for me to pitch that third inning.
Pence is on my fantasy team.
lol im totaly 0wnin u guyz
2 bad ryan braun kicks my a$$
I have to go prepare my lunch now: cheese tater-tot donuts with salad, with tramadol and beer.
Night night.
Speaking of guys pitching their way off the playoff roster, Michael Wuertz has wandered into vulnerability, I’d think.
I am poopin myself…
I have a going problem.
You guys have the Astros right where you want them! Enjoy your W today!
This is so Cub. It doesn’t even shock me anymore. I’m going to go punch someone in the throat now….
Who’s up for me?
http://www.sports-library.com/index.php/Cubs_1989_Season-Game_132
18 years and 2 days from the date, ogdens.
BTW had the Internet been a round in ’89, you gus would have hated this team. Check out these two pants-crapping efforts down the stretch.
http://www.baseball-reference.com/boxes/HOU/HOU198908180.shtml
http://www.baseball-reference.com/boxes/CHN/CHN198909080.shtml
A little perspective, people.
I give the other team the curveball strikes.
…discussing “feelings” now.
I’m hurt and I’m Hiding it well ain’t I?
I thought Monroe hit lefties well…
I have an overwhelming feeling to take an exlposive dump right now…on Sean and Michael’s face right now.
You wanna do what to my face?
If you get shut out by Fat Elvis and the Asstrolls, don’t they kick you out of the league?
Getting mauled by the Astros offense or getting pantsed by a pitcher with a 7.00+ road ERA?
Is getting fucked right up its ass today!
I still look 12.
I cannot sing.
Now that’s how it’s done ogdens!
thats all we got?
And 1 error.
It wouldn’t matter who we singed to pitch at this point. You could pitch a gem for these assholes and it wouldn’t matter because they would’t score for you.
Softball teams are better than this shit!!!
I was in BJ Armstrong’s class at Iowa. Now I look like his fucking dad!
I kind of get the feeling that Wood hates the Asstrolls about as much as most fans do.
I mean, if BJ was white, etc. etc. and really was only 21 like he looks.
GOOOO IOWA!!!
I am the one!
You can’t say goddamn on the air!
is in!!!
Here I a…nevermind.
I don’t have visual access (although I did break down and bring a radio into my cube…nothing like hearing Santo groan and moan like he’s getting his teeth drilled….yeah that never gets old)…anyway my question is this:
Does Cecil Cooper still wear those big ass glasses that he wore when he played for the Brew crew in the early 80’s?
I’ll sit down and wait for my answer.
Go fuck yourself Cliff.
I have Tommy John Disease? Is this contagious? Maybe I should visit my brother Scott….
Go fuck yourself EAS.
Why was I brought back up? Can someone explain to me what positive effect I have on this team? I blow and I have one cheesy ass tribal tattoo on my arm!
“Free Communication Weekend”? I am a douche.
A wholly unnotable intoxication. Sadly perfect for this game. I can balance my crutches on my head.
You assholes will never be happy with me, no matter who I am, will you? Even if I’m a freakin’ FOLK HERO!
Fuck this team!!!
Eat it #261. New pitcher, first pitch swining rally killer. Floyd has been a complete waste this year and never gets called out.
So has D-Lee!! Who ever calls out D-Lee?? Dee has not come thru for this team in a while!!
Everone can suck it on this team man!!
We are not taken particularly well, are we?
Jesus do we have to go through me every time the Cubs lose?
Get a grip, assholes. You sound like a bunch of fag Red Sox fans.
Of course it’s frustrating that Wandy F. Rodriguez shut them down, but this end-of-the-world ledge-jumping has gotten really old.
If this medicore team just happens to get hot for merely 2 freaking weeks, they’ll win the division earlier than they did in ’03. In the meantime, act like you’ve fucking been there before.
I always feel the need to post after an explode-a-post just so people know that it wasn’t me. I do agree with what Pansy says, though! That #268 though, he’s da man.
KEEL
Well Said!
I should be in the 98 mix. I did hit the game winning homerun to beat the Giants. Without me there’s no Wildcard playoff faceoff.
Neifi, you’re invited,but only if you bring the greenies for the day game.
Clearly I am needed.
If the Internet had been around in 1989, you guys would have ripped them to shreds after these two down-the-stretch pants-crappings.
http://www.baseball-reference.com/boxes/HOU/HOU198908180.shtml
http://www.baseball-reference.com/boxes/CHN/CHN198909080.shtml
So get a grip, act like men, drink a beer, belch, scratch yer balls, act like it doesn’t bother you, stop acting liek such a dram queen, and get behind this fucking team.
hey mang can i come too i bring hookers and enchanted puppies
Test.
Really has anyone notice that DLee has been brutal since the all-star break. He has to pick it up otherwise we are going to be up shit creek. He needs to start to be the man. His average is down to 307. Plus he is down on walks. Maybe sit him a day and let Wardass play against a righty.
First Half OPS — .890
Second Half OPS — .845
Trying to hit more homers, making less contact as a result. I’ve been over this before.
Whaddaya think? Does Derrek still need to take a day off?
man, I really like frustrating you guys sometimes….
I sheet me pants. Again.
I think my arm is dead mang.
Wow, I am hated today! The only topic anyone speaks of today is how I made myself look like a total ass clown!
“If you have a brother and he is down do you boo him or show him support”?
You do neither Carlos, you just punch them in the face a few times and get someone else in the family to get rid of them.