Bos: Bronson Arroyo, 4-2, 3.89 ERA
Cubs: Greg Maddux, 4-3, 4.12 ERA
227 Comments
David Fat Ass Wells
on June 10, 2005 at 11:53 am
I just ate Matt Clement.
Peter Gammons
on June 10, 2005 at 12:39 pm
I love men with tight butts !!!
Peter Gammons' ass
on June 10, 2005 at 12:46 pm
but nobody loves me…
WGN Radio
on June 10, 2005 at 12:46 pm
We have the worst pregame show intro in the history of the world.
Wilfred Brimley
on June 10, 2005 at 12:49 pm
In case you didn’t know yet, I have diabetes.
Matt Clement
on June 10, 2005 at 12:56 pm
I am much more familiar with Wrigley than I am with Fenway. I know exactly which way to crane my neck towards the bullpen when I want to come out. I am the king of slumped shoulders accompianied with a woe is me look.
Ron Santo
on June 10, 2005 at 12:57 pm
You do, Wilfred? Yeah, I remember … back when I was playing… uhhhmmm… being told … by my doctor … that uhmmmm… that I uhmmmm had…. diabetes … too.
Matt Clement
on June 10, 2005 at 12:58 pm
Wah…Boo Hoo…Waaahhhh !!!!!! I’m a big pansy ass crybaby.
Gary Disarcina
on June 10, 2005 at 1:01 pm
Hey, I’m a studio co-host for the Red Sox!
Nomar
on June 10, 2005 at 1:03 pm
Shouldn’t the question be, “Where’s Nomar’s groin?”
Nomar
on June 10, 2005 at 1:06 pm
It reattached itself to my shoulder.
Ho Ho Kamper
on June 10, 2005 at 1:07 pm
Shouldn’t the answer be, “In a jar next to Mia’s gold medal?”
This just in
on June 10, 2005 at 1:09 pm
Nomar on NESN:
“My groin hurts.”
I’d imagine so.
Straw
on June 10, 2005 at 1:15 pm
LaTroy had another fine effort last night. He most certainly has the stuff. Stuff that is not worth a shit.
SD
on June 10, 2005 at 1:21 pm
I was gonna sit down to churn out the Wayne Messmer bit, but the rain has blown in three different directions within 5 minutes out here in middlesville Wisconsin. Hopefully I won’t have to rely on Desipiocast if my cable gets nipped. I don’t need any window jumpin provoking with that storm out there.
Holly hits? What’s next? Korey walks, steals 2nd, moves up on an overthrow and scores on a grounder?
Cubs
on June 10, 2005 at 1:51 pm
Are we wearing the pajama tops today?
Pinstripes
on June 10, 2005 at 1:51 pm
no…you’re in us today.
Greg Maddux
on June 10, 2005 at 1:52 pm
When was the last time I hit a home run? That’d be kinda cool.
Glavine
on June 10, 2005 at 1:52 pm
Remember Greg,
Chicks dig the long ball
mlb.tv
on June 10, 2005 at 1:58 pm
At least I have the substitute feed for the game. Got it back just in time to see Maddux bunt, but I’m pretty distressed at missing the meat of the action.
Jason Dubois' Playing Time Meter
on June 10, 2005 at 1:58 pm
I am heading towards empty, a Holla homer==two weeks off for me. Please trade me somewhere that I get to play some. Thanks.
Billy Mueller
on June 10, 2005 at 1:59 pm
Take that Baker Basher–you dumbfucking mongoloid.
Steve Stone
on June 10, 2005 at 2:00 pm
The Horn is an example of how dusty is stupid
Sergio
on June 10, 2005 at 2:00 pm
Does Greggie need me to show him some pointers?
PCL
on June 10, 2005 at 2:01 pm
We have a spot for AAAA players like you, Jason.
dusty
on June 10, 2005 at 2:04 pm
Ha,
Look at those dumb Red Sox clog up the bases
Corey Patterson
on June 10, 2005 at 2:09 pm
Did you like my at bat?
K-orey
on June 10, 2005 at 2:11 pm
Do you want to trade me yet?
JG
on June 10, 2005 at 2:13 pm
Len really is one of us – “Lee should win the gold glove every year”
None of this Poop-hole nonsense.
Dusty Baker
on June 10, 2005 at 2:14 pm
No Corey, you are doing a great job of not clogging up the bases.
Irving Park Road
on June 10, 2005 at 2:19 pm
Did Jason Varitek’s throw end up on me?
Terry Francona
on June 10, 2005 at 2:20 pm
Dammit, Bronson. Do we have to limit your guitar playing time for you to pitch better?
Old Man Grudz
on June 10, 2005 at 2:22 pm
I still haven’t been injured yet!!!
Cubs Lefthanded Batter's Shins
on June 10, 2005 at 2:22 pm
We are all scared.
JG
on June 10, 2005 at 2:23 pm
“The Yankees represent a certain portion of society” – Bob Brenly
Yeah, Bob. New Yorkers. That’s why we hate them.
The Fab Five
on June 10, 2005 at 2:24 pm
We love the Sox. Bandwagon anyone?
Dennis
on June 10, 2005 at 2:25 pm
Hughes (Throwing a bone to Santo): Hey Ron did you see where that ball hit Walker.
Santo: Yup…
Johnny Damon
on June 10, 2005 at 2:28 pm
How’d you Cub fans like my Corey Patterson imitation?
Charles Bronson Arroyo
on June 10, 2005 at 2:31 pm
How the hell did I contribute to a World Series champ?
I gave up a homerun to Julio Zuleta in this ballpark, fer chrissakes.
Cornrows
on June 10, 2005 at 2:31 pm
Is Bronson sporting me today?
Bracelet Acronym
on June 10, 2005 at 2:32 pm
WWJD = Why Won’t Johnny Dive?
Babe Ruth
on June 10, 2005 at 2:33 pm
Dammit, Red Sox! If you want to get your ass kicked by the Cubs, I’m cursing you again!
Michael Barrett
on June 10, 2005 at 2:35 pm
You know, I’m actually a pretty decent catcher. Especially compared to some of the dreck you’ve had in the past–guys like Mitterwald, and Swisher, and Blackwell, and Servais. How about some love??
Harry Chiti & Tim Hosley
on June 10, 2005 at 2:37 pm
Don’t forget us, Barrett.
Greg Maddux
on June 10, 2005 at 2:37 pm
Speaking of not too bad….I’m no Cy Young winner anymore, but you were smart to bring me back to Chicago. I’m solid.
Len Kasper
on June 10, 2005 at 2:39 pm
I’m the World’s Largest Assbag if I do not make a “Peter Cetera vs. Brad Delp” reference soon.
It’s cool though that apparently band greatness is inversely proportional to baseball competence….. today.
Neifi!
on June 10, 2005 at 2:40 pm
3 outs on 8 pitches… I may be losing my punctuation if I keep doing that.
Strut
on June 10, 2005 at 2:41 pm
1 for 3 baby! Take that, you cro-magnon bitch!
math man
on June 10, 2005 at 2:42 pm
10 outs, 10 hits
Corey
on June 10, 2005 at 2:43 pm
If I score on a grounder now, is that good enough, Chuck?
Bronson Arroyo
on June 10, 2005 at 2:43 pm
Am I the bastard son of Van Earl Wright? Just wondering…
Charles Bronson
on June 10, 2005 at 2:49 pm
Mind your mouth kid.
Mark Bell End
on June 10, 2005 at 2:49 pm
Ring me Up!
greek god of walks
on June 10, 2005 at 2:50 pm
Actually, I just struck out.
Also, I am jewish.
The Game
on June 10, 2005 at 2:51 pm
I’m official!
Tim McCarver
on June 10, 2005 at 2:52 pm
Who’s this Bronson Arroyo? Is he related to Brandon?
Watching Maddux deal. The occasional bomb given up to Ortiz here. He’s nothing if not consistent.
Yes, I’m Greg’s mom.
David Ortiz
on June 10, 2005 at 3:02 pm
That was obviously a 6 run homer! I am a hall of famer!!!
yooooo
on June 10, 2005 at 3:02 pm
gameday has that thing landing on the northbound red line. was it as huge as they’re making it out to be?
Gotta go with Holly, dude...
on June 10, 2005 at 3:02 pm
Dubois is out for the season, bro. When Holly hits like he’s doing lately and carrying that average in the .235 range, you combine that with his gold glove defense and you gotta go with Holly, dude. Holly gets the first shot… then another shot later and probably even another after that. Holly’s the shit, bro.
Oritz's Homer
on June 10, 2005 at 3:05 pm
Pat Hughes said Ortiz’s homer landed in the last row of bleachers. They didn’t say where Hollandsworth’s went except to say it went a long, long ways. I’d imagine that Hollandsworth’s left the park then.
No...
on June 10, 2005 at 3:05 pm
it was a little farther than Mulletsworths’.
No...
on June 10, 2005 at 3:05 pm
Neither left the park.
David Ortiz
on June 10, 2005 at 3:06 pm
My ass is going to get plunked some time during this series, isn’t it?
Bronson Arroyo
on June 10, 2005 at 3:06 pm
I’m pitching like Bronson Pinchot………. I’m letting Burnt-tits have a career off of me
I will pitch this team to a World Series if it fucking kills me. Of course, so will Zambrano, and he’ll pitch us to a World Series if it means he’ll fucking kill a Red Sock.
Elias Sports Bureau
on June 10, 2005 at 3:11 pm
Greg Maddux’s last home run came on June 10, 2005 in the bottom of the sixth inning off of Boston’s John Halama.
We really had to dig for that one but we found it just in time. I hope this answers your question. Enjoy the game.
Nadir
on June 10, 2005 at 3:12 pm
I am your word of the day.
Derrek Lee
on June 10, 2005 at 3:12 pm
I’m a pretty gosh darn good hitter, no?
the "!" in Neifi!
on June 10, 2005 at 3:13 pm
I’m here to stay, bitches!
The Gremlin
on June 10, 2005 at 3:14 pm
Unfortunately, that’s probably true for me as well.
Jair-O-Mee
on June 10, 2005 at 3:15 pm
I’ve had a decent day already. Time to suck for another week! Hell, make it two!
66
on June 10, 2005 at 3:15 pm
That’s the route.
Neifi!
on June 10, 2005 at 3:16 pm
Macias is a poor man’s me!
Cliff Bartosh
on June 10, 2005 at 3:16 pm
will i get to pitch today then
Beer Nutz
on June 10, 2005 at 3:17 pm
When does this game star anyway? I’m getting bored with all this BP.
Ted Kennedy
on June 10, 2005 at 3:17 pm
Any Sox fans (Red or White) need a ride home?
The Cubs
on June 10, 2005 at 3:17 pm
When you see us flashin’ and shinin’ and buildin’ and addin’ on… y’all niggaz just watch!
joe borowski
on June 10, 2005 at 3:18 pm
If you thought I was sweaty on a normal day. Wait till you see me today
Aramis Ramirez
on June 10, 2005 at 3:18 pm
Do you like my speed?
Rally Carp
on June 10, 2005 at 3:18 pm
Wheeeeeee!
Mike D.
on June 10, 2005 at 3:19 pm
To the guy with the Teddy Kennedy pic–
Priceless. Funniest thing I’ve seen today. Good work, man.
Macias
on June 10, 2005 at 3:19 pm
Just a reminder, I did hit for the simulated cycle the other day in Wood’s simulated start.
That picture in the lounge is me tipping my helmet to a simulated standing ovation.
Apex
on June 10, 2005 at 3:20 pm
15 wins for Maddux? Yea or nay?
The Ivy
on June 10, 2005 at 3:20 pm
Take it easy on us, were getting pelted out here. Johhny you must have peeked under our skirt and seen the brick wall, chicken.
Width of a Short School Bus
on June 10, 2005 at 3:23 pm
Is about the same…for those of you who haven’t ridden one.
Aramis Ramirez
on June 10, 2005 at 3:23 pm
I was so heartbroken that some regular Joe in Chicago just missed winning the back-to-back jacks game and all that cash that I couldn’t concentrate on running.
Excuse me. I’m really broken up about this…
Greg Maddux
on June 10, 2005 at 3:23 pm
That was my fifth career home run.
Rey Ordonez has 12.
Sammmee
on June 10, 2005 at 3:23 pm
Look what your missing buddies, my .246 ave 6 hrs and 18 RBI
Whats that, Jeromy is at .269/ 10 /37
Never mind, buddies
Apex
on June 10, 2005 at 3:24 pm
Heh, heh, heh!
So is Wood, but…
RE: Nomar
on June 10, 2005 at 3:25 pm
.295. Or 15 points (and an ‘!’) lower than your replacement.
Mueller and Bellhorn
on June 10, 2005 at 3:25 pm
Here we come.
Deal
on June 10, 2005 at 3:25 pm
Washington Nationals acquired second baseman Junior Spivey from the Milwaukee Brewers in exchange for pitcher Tomo Ohka.
Bullpen
on June 10, 2005 at 3:25 pm
OK, so we warm up the same guys with a nine run lead that we would with a one run lead? Nice work.
Cliff Bartosh
on June 10, 2005 at 3:25 pm
Fuck you Dusty
Greg Maddux
on June 10, 2005 at 3:26 pm
I need to keep Damon fromdriving in the run so that my ERA is under 4.00 when I’m through today.
Greg Maddux
on June 10, 2005 at 3:27 pm
Shit.
Next week. The Phish are mine. MINE I tell you!
Todd Wellemeyer
on June 10, 2005 at 3:27 pm
Mr. Baker, here’s your dry cleaning and your car keys.
How much polish do you want on your shoes?
Maddux
on June 10, 2005 at 3:27 pm
Dusty,
The next time you need a pitch hitter, keep this in mind.
I have more home runs than:
Fontenot, Nomar, Grieve, Macias, Wilson.
I also have the same amount of homers as
Jerry the Lesser and Mulletsworth.
Thank You
Ryan Dempster
on June 10, 2005 at 3:28 pm
Maybe I’ll come in in the 9th with a 6 run lead?
Tomo Oprah
on June 10, 2005 at 3:28 pm
Guess I should’t have shown up old man Frank.
Hollandsworth
on June 10, 2005 at 3:29 pm
Shut up, Greg. I’ve got two.
Sweaty Joe
on June 10, 2005 at 3:30 pm
I should be pitching and then the couple of homers I’ll give up won’t hurt us.
Shin Guard
on June 10, 2005 at 3:31 pm
greg,
I took a slow ride around the bases for the SECOND time this year a couple hours ago, you thankless fuck.
Ass Cam
on June 10, 2005 at 3:33 pm
I should be busy today, as the ballpark is filled with my first name. Instead, we have seen 2 hairy backs.
Mike Wuertz
on June 10, 2005 at 3:33 pm
If Dusty just brought me in for one out to kill the rally, it was a good move. If he burns me up by leaving me in next inning for a mop-up, not so good.
Cliff and Sweaty Joe, it’s all yours now.
Cubs PR Team
on June 10, 2005 at 3:33 pm
Did we just invite a couple of toothless, brain dead, UNEMPLOYED hockey players to Wrigley to sing the 7th inning stretch about rooting for the opposing team?
God, I hope Desipio Media Ventures is listening to this. This would make for great network television.
Wanted:
on June 10, 2005 at 3:34 pm
Any tone deaf jackass willing to sing TMOTTBG. You must suck.
The Real Todd Hollandsworth
on June 10, 2005 at 3:34 pm
I wouldn’t say boo to a mouse. That’s an imposter.
Wellemeyer
on June 10, 2005 at 3:34 pm
I’ve been pitchin a lot lately. I don’t do dry-cleaning anymore.
Todd Walker
on June 10, 2005 at 3:35 pm
That’s how it’s done, E-Ram!
The Sock Em' Cubbies!!!
on June 10, 2005 at 3:35 pm
We sure do have our hitting shoes on today.
The Ivy
on June 10, 2005 at 3:35 pm
Ouch.
Dew-boy
on June 10, 2005 at 3:36 pm
$&it. When does the plane for Iowa leave?
Dusty
on June 10, 2005 at 3:37 pm
Get Dempster up!
The Ivy
on June 10, 2005 at 3:37 pm
We’ve had enough. Revenege is ours.
Sierra Club of Cook County
on June 10, 2005 at 3:38 pm
We’re boycotting the Cubs hitters. They are ravaging the vegetation in the Wrigley Field outfield.
Ronnie
on June 10, 2005 at 3:38 pm
Back-to-back 2 sacks! Er… Uh… What’s the attendance?
The Cubs
on June 10, 2005 at 3:38 pm
I guess we were kind of pumped for this game.
Indolent Reader
on June 10, 2005 at 3:38 pm
I think it’s safe to say that Santo has lost a little something on his fastball.
Yikes.
Harry Caray
on June 10, 2005 at 3:38 pm
Hey everybody… Wuertz spelled backwards is Budweiser.
Hits
on June 10, 2005 at 3:38 pm
Hey guys, save some for the weekend
math man
on June 10, 2005 at 3:38 pm
18 outs, 18 hits
Rob Neyer
on June 10, 2005 at 3:38 pm
According to my Pythagrian standings, today’s game is worth at least 2 or 3 wins for the cubs
FYC! There’s a hit! never mind that I almost killed our .300-hitting shortstop.
Small talk with dirty 2B-men
on June 10, 2005 at 3:43 pm
Walker: Your 5 o’clock shadow is no match for mine.
Bellhorn: I haven’t shampooed my hair since I was traded from the Cubs.
Walker: What’s shampoo?
Asshat K-Patt
on June 10, 2005 at 3:43 pm
If this scumbag got Neifi hurt, that’s the last straw. Dump K-Patt. And hire the Rally Carp as Wrigley’s new ball girl. We need some teenage ass in there to show up Marla Collins.
Holy Shit! I mean, I’d still do the Carp, I think she’s cute….but little Lacey there has Jennie Finch cuteness all over her. Too bad she’s a softball playing carpetmuncher.
enjoy it...
on June 10, 2005 at 3:49 pm
bc we’re using up our quota of runs for the next 6 games or so.
It was something like 20-3 at halftime of Super Bowl XX. Can the Cubs come up with 4 in the 8th??
The other 24 Cubs
on June 10, 2005 at 3:51 pm
“I guess it’s my fault I was on third with less than two out and no one could drive me in. ”
We owed you, big time.
Cubs Infield
on June 10, 2005 at 3:53 pm
Check us out! Macias at 3B, Perez at SS, Hairston the Lesser at 2B, and Wilson at 1B! It’s a good thing groin detachments aren’t contagious, huh?
Matt Clement
on June 10, 2005 at 3:53 pm
Sure, NOW you score a bunch of runs.
Matt Clement
on June 10, 2005 at 3:54 pm
You assholes have scored more today than you did in all of my starts last season combined.
Where the hell was this kind of support last season?!?!?
Janelle Videgar
on June 10, 2005 at 3:55 pm
You know, interns are fun and all, but what about me?
Kovac
on June 10, 2005 at 3:58 pm
Carp 1, Lace 0
Carp: wholesome, cute, healthy skin complexion
Lace: skin cancer waiting to happen, way too much makeup, never had a boyfriend because those Iowa State fratboys are more than happy to pass her off to their next frat buddy when they’re done. Doesn’t leave much time for a relationship.
Enrique Wilson
on June 10, 2005 at 3:58 pm
I told Ohman to walk Manny. We had a lot of catching up to do.
Straw
on June 10, 2005 at 3:58 pm
Bartosh must be unavailable today. I can see Dusty whining on Sunday that his bullpen is overworked. How about using all of the seven you have instead of just three.
Hey look! I was voted most likely to succeed in high school! Except in my high school they use the French word “gullible” in place of likely to succeed.
Atta way, Ortiz, don’t let anyone tell you that most of your HRs are meaningless. I mean, if we can get the ball back with 2 minutes left, maybe I can find Patten open.
Dusty Baker
on June 10, 2005 at 4:14 pm
Um, now you asshats know why I don’t use Bartosh for anything other than mop-up. Blecch.
Big Papi Seed
on June 10, 2005 at 4:15 pm
If my piece of shit foreign ass doesn’t get drilled tomorrow, this Cubs team needs a kick in the ass.
Carlos Zambrano
on June 10, 2005 at 4:16 pm
Yeah, David Ortiz can try that shit on me all he want. I will tear his head off and shit down his throat.
David Ortiz
on June 10, 2005 at 4:17 pm
I like this Wrigley place. Can we come here more often?
Very Horny Cub
on June 10, 2005 at 4:17 pm
Hey, is that blonde in the sweater and Cub hat really the Rally Carp? She looks really cute.
I agree with others, Lacey I’d want to bang, but Carp is our wholesome mascot. No contest. Carp all the way.
Rally Carp
on June 10, 2005 at 4:19 pm
Wheee!
Yeah, that’s me. You too could have ridden to Wrigley from DesMoines on a bus with me May 28.
Hey, I look like I am actually watching the game, no?
I will handle them both, please take pictures and we can then post on the internet.
unlarged penis
on June 10, 2005 at 4:35 pm
enlarged, my little head cannot spell.
Desipio.com
on June 10, 2005 at 5:02 pm
When will I be offering these shirts in the online store?
On deck: The Cubs and Red Sox face off in Game 2 of this three-game series Saturday. Carlos Zambrano will square off against Wade Miller. Zambrano bought T-shirts for his teammates with his nickname, “El Toro,” which means “the bull” in Spanish.
Rally Carp's Teeth
on June 10, 2005 at 5:26 pm
We’re no Danielle Serino’s Nipples
Yikes
on June 10, 2005 at 7:35 pm
I’m sorry, but Rally Lace looka like a man.
Guess whose flat, skinny ass this is?
on June 11, 2005 at 5:48 pm
Clue: She dated Sergio Mitre.
The loss of the boobies is sad, too.
Axl Rose
on June 12, 2005 at 9:22 am
Sergio dated me?
Lindsay Lohan
on June 12, 2005 at 5:53 pm
I am, like, SO much hotter than Axl.
Corey Patterson
on June 12, 2005 at 8:44 pm
I’m terrible.
The Cubs
on June 12, 2005 at 8:45 pm
It appears we are the only team who can’t hit Wakefield hard.
Wakefield
on June 12, 2005 at 9:45 pm
It also appears that I was throwing my knuckleball for strikes, which I haven’t been able to do most of this year, so I actually did pitch a good game.
And it helped that the ump gave me a strike zone the size of Texas.
Doug Mirrorball
on June 12, 2005 at 10:44 pm
You were able to tell those were strikes? Cuz I sure couldn’t. I think the ump was just guessing all night because it looked like he missed a ton of pitches…not that I’m complaining, we won and all.
Hank White
on June 13, 2005 at 1:11 am
Hell, we won when I caught. Back to sleep now.
Corey Patterson
on June 13, 2005 at 9:41 am
No, I am bad, look at my homer to rbi ratio. Look at my stolen base total compared to my speed. My k to bb ration is bad too. I have raw talent, but no brains.
I just ate Matt Clement.
I love men with tight butts !!!
but nobody loves me…
We have the worst pregame show intro in the history of the world.
In case you didn’t know yet, I have diabetes.
I am much more familiar with Wrigley than I am with Fenway. I know exactly which way to crane my neck towards the bullpen when I want to come out. I am the king of slumped shoulders accompianied with a woe is me look.
You do, Wilfred? Yeah, I remember … back when I was playing… uhhhmmm… being told … by my doctor … that uhmmmm… that I uhmmmm had…. diabetes … too.
Wah…Boo Hoo…Waaahhhh !!!!!! I’m a big pansy ass crybaby.
Hey, I’m a studio co-host for the Red Sox!
Shouldn’t the question be, “Where’s Nomar’s groin?”
It reattached itself to my shoulder.
Shouldn’t the answer be, “In a jar next to Mia’s gold medal?”
Nomar on NESN:
“My groin hurts.”
I’d imagine so.
LaTroy had another fine effort last night. He most certainly has the stuff. Stuff that is not worth a shit.
I was gonna sit down to churn out the Wayne Messmer bit, but the rain has blown in three different directions within 5 minutes out here in middlesville Wisconsin. Hopefully I won’t have to rely on Desipiocast if my cable gets nipped. I don’t need any window jumpin provoking with that storm out there.
I’m still ghetto. Me and Ron Ron, holdin’ it down.
Get a haircut, Damon, you dumb hippie.
Hey Greggie, don’t talk to our future leadoff hitter that way!
Think he wants to win this one badly?
He seems to be able to focus his pitches to laserbeams when he feels like it.
Let’s hope he stays really interested and makes fools of the Red Sox today.
Am I the worst ad campaign ever?
Is this a record number of pitch AB for Korey?
Smells a K.
I’m fouling some off to give Chuck a chance to bitch about me
For those who may not know…we won the World Series last year!!!
Yup, my act is stale. Whiffffffffffffffff……………………….
We’re he to strike out 200 times and do it on more than 603 pitches it would be an improvement.
Good at bat.
Seriously. That was a good at bat.
What the christ, Lee? Watch and learn how to work the count.
Did you like our at bats?
Sammy’s right, us AL aces are the tits !
Take that, Boston!
I love it when they call me Big Papi Seed.
Yahoo! says Burnitz homered to deep right…no shit. Listen, if he homered to shallow right, then THAT would be a story…
Welp, there goes the cable. And there’s about, 2 fire trucks and a few ambulances outside. What the eff is goin’ on (outside and gamewise)!
Not in the Bronx.
I’m gonna start hitting…not sure when, but it’ll happen.
I am the definition of a homer to shallow right
I’ll do the hitting thank you.
Holly hits? What’s next? Korey walks, steals 2nd, moves up on an overthrow and scores on a grounder?
Are we wearing the pajama tops today?
no…you’re in us today.
When was the last time I hit a home run? That’d be kinda cool.
Remember Greg,
Chicks dig the long ball
At least I have the substitute feed for the game. Got it back just in time to see Maddux bunt, but I’m pretty distressed at missing the meat of the action.
I am heading towards empty, a Holla homer==two weeks off for me. Please trade me somewhere that I get to play some. Thanks.
Take that Baker Basher–you dumbfucking mongoloid.
The Horn is an example of how dusty is stupid
Does Greggie need me to show him some pointers?
We have a spot for AAAA players like you, Jason.
Ha,
Look at those dumb Red Sox clog up the bases
Did you like my at bat?
Do you want to trade me yet?
Len really is one of us – “Lee should win the gold glove every year”
None of this Poop-hole nonsense.
No Corey, you are doing a great job of not clogging up the bases.
Did Jason Varitek’s throw end up on me?
Dammit, Bronson. Do we have to limit your guitar playing time for you to pitch better?
I still haven’t been injured yet!!!
We are all scared.
“The Yankees represent a certain portion of society” – Bob Brenly
Yeah, Bob. New Yorkers. That’s why we hate them.
We love the Sox. Bandwagon anyone?
Hughes (Throwing a bone to Santo): Hey Ron did you see where that ball hit Walker.
Santo: Yup…
How’d you Cub fans like my Corey Patterson imitation?
Why am I still in? I suck.
I’m far prettier than Damon.
How the hell did I contribute to a World Series champ?
I gave up a homerun to Julio Zuleta in this ballpark, fer chrissakes.
Is Bronson sporting me today?
WWJD = Why Won’t Johnny Dive?
Dammit, Red Sox! If you want to get your ass kicked by the Cubs, I’m cursing you again!
You know, I’m actually a pretty decent catcher. Especially compared to some of the dreck you’ve had in the past–guys like Mitterwald, and Swisher, and Blackwell, and Servais. How about some love??
Don’t forget us, Barrett.
Speaking of not too bad….I’m no Cy Young winner anymore, but you were smart to bring me back to Chicago. I’m solid.
I’m the World’s Largest Assbag if I do not make a “Peter Cetera vs. Brad Delp” reference soon.
It’s cool though that apparently band greatness is inversely proportional to baseball competence….. today.
3 outs on 8 pitches… I may be losing my punctuation if I keep doing that.
1 for 3 baby! Take that, you cro-magnon bitch!
10 outs, 10 hits
If I score on a grounder now, is that good enough, Chuck?
Am I the bastard son of Van Earl Wright? Just wondering…
Mind your mouth kid.
Ring me Up!
Actually, I just struck out.
Also, I am jewish.
I’m official!
Who’s this Bronson Arroyo? Is he related to Brandon?
Youkilis is kosher? I’m stunned. Uh… Verklempt.
I’m a fucking joke.
Shoobie-doobie-wah.
When does This Old Plug stop?
Watching Maddux deal. The occasional bomb given up to Ortiz here. He’s nothing if not consistent.
Yes, I’m Greg’s mom.
That was obviously a 6 run homer! I am a hall of famer!!!
gameday has that thing landing on the northbound red line. was it as huge as they’re making it out to be?
Dubois is out for the season, bro. When Holly hits like he’s doing lately and carrying that average in the .235 range, you combine that with his gold glove defense and you gotta go with Holly, dude. Holly gets the first shot… then another shot later and probably even another after that. Holly’s the shit, bro.
Pat Hughes said Ortiz’s homer landed in the last row of bleachers. They didn’t say where Hollandsworth’s went except to say it went a long, long ways. I’d imagine that Hollandsworth’s left the park then.
it was a little farther than Mulletsworths’.
Neither left the park.
My ass is going to get plunked some time during this series, isn’t it?
I’m pitching like Bronson Pinchot………. I’m letting Burnt-tits have a career off of me
Yeah, hitting a homer WOULD be cool, no?
There’s the Maddux homer.
Take that Ortiz, you fat, classless shithead.
:-)
Chick’s dig the long ball.
I will pitch this team to a World Series if it fucking kills me. Of course, so will Zambrano, and he’ll pitch us to a World Series if it means he’ll fucking kill a Red Sock.
Greg Maddux’s last home run came on June 10, 2005 in the bottom of the sixth inning off of Boston’s John Halama.
We really had to dig for that one but we found it just in time. I hope this answers your question. Enjoy the game.
I am your word of the day.
I’m a pretty gosh darn good hitter, no?
I’m here to stay, bitches!
Unfortunately, that’s probably true for me as well.
I’ve had a decent day already. Time to suck for another week! Hell, make it two!
That’s the route.
Macias is a poor man’s me!
will i get to pitch today then
When does this game star anyway? I’m getting bored with all this BP.
Any Sox fans (Red or White) need a ride home?
When you see us flashin’ and shinin’ and buildin’ and addin’ on… y’all niggaz just watch!
If you thought I was sweaty on a normal day. Wait till you see me today
Do you like my speed?
Wheeeeeee!
To the guy with the Teddy Kennedy pic–
Priceless. Funniest thing I’ve seen today. Good work, man.
Just a reminder, I did hit for the simulated cycle the other day in Wood’s simulated start.
That picture in the lounge is me tipping my helmet to a simulated standing ovation.
15 wins for Maddux? Yea or nay?
Take it easy on us, were getting pelted out here. Johhny you must have peeked under our skirt and seen the brick wall, chicken.
I’ll ride da Rally Carp. I’m still ghetto. I still have love fo da streets
That’s how far Ramirez was out at 2B there, wow. What sucks for him is that he missed the homer by about two feet.
Wow after watching the Cubs hit this bush league team, my groin feels a lot better all of a sudden!
Hey, if they activate me tomorrow and I go 10-for-10 off of Theo Epstein’s miserable idiots, what will my average be>
Apex, I wouldn’t bet against it.
15 wins? Of course. Maddux is white.
Is about the same…for those of you who haven’t ridden one.
I was so heartbroken that some regular Joe in Chicago just missed winning the back-to-back jacks game and all that cash that I couldn’t concentrate on running.
Excuse me. I’m really broken up about this…
That was my fifth career home run.
Rey Ordonez has 12.
Look what your missing buddies, my .246 ave 6 hrs and 18 RBI
Whats that, Jeromy is at .269/ 10 /37
Never mind, buddies
Heh, heh, heh!
So is Wood, but…
.295. Or 15 points (and an ‘!’) lower than your replacement.
Here we come.
Washington Nationals acquired second baseman Junior Spivey from the Milwaukee Brewers in exchange for pitcher Tomo Ohka.
OK, so we warm up the same guys with a nine run lead that we would with a one run lead? Nice work.
Fuck you Dusty
I need to keep Damon fromdriving in the run so that my ERA is under 4.00 when I’m through today.
Shit.
Next week. The Phish are mine. MINE I tell you!
Mr. Baker, here’s your dry cleaning and your car keys.
How much polish do you want on your shoes?
Dusty,
The next time you need a pitch hitter, keep this in mind.
I have more home runs than:
Fontenot, Nomar, Grieve, Macias, Wilson.
I also have the same amount of homers as
Jerry the Lesser and Mulletsworth.
Thank You
Maybe I’ll come in in the 9th with a 6 run lead?
Guess I should’t have shown up old man Frank.
Shut up, Greg. I’ve got two.
I should be pitching and then the couple of homers I’ll give up won’t hurt us.
greg,
I took a slow ride around the bases for the SECOND time this year a couple hours ago, you thankless fuck.
I should be busy today, as the ballpark is filled with my first name. Instead, we have seen 2 hairy backs.
If Dusty just brought me in for one out to kill the rally, it was a good move. If he burns me up by leaving me in next inning for a mop-up, not so good.
Cliff and Sweaty Joe, it’s all yours now.
Did we just invite a couple of toothless, brain dead, UNEMPLOYED hockey players to Wrigley to sing the 7th inning stretch about rooting for the opposing team?
God, I hope Desipio Media Ventures is listening to this. This would make for great network television.
Any tone deaf jackass willing to sing TMOTTBG. You must suck.
I wouldn’t say boo to a mouse. That’s an imposter.
I’ve been pitchin a lot lately. I don’t do dry-cleaning anymore.
That’s how it’s done, E-Ram!
We sure do have our hitting shoes on today.
Ouch.
$&it. When does the plane for Iowa leave?
Get Dempster up!
We’ve had enough. Revenege is ours.
We’re boycotting the Cubs hitters. They are ravaging the vegetation in the Wrigley Field outfield.
Back-to-back 2 sacks! Er… Uh… What’s the attendance?
I guess we were kind of pumped for this game.
I think it’s safe to say that Santo has lost a little something on his fastball.
Yikes.
Hey everybody… Wuertz spelled backwards is Budweiser.
Hey guys, save some for the weekend
18 outs, 18 hits
According to my Pythagrian standings, today’s game is worth at least 2 or 3 wins for the cubs
Iowa, here I come!!! Ready the Rally Carp!!!
oooh, Jason! Can’t wait to see you! Been so lonely since Sergio went to Chicago!
FYC! There’s a hit! never mind that I almost killed our .300-hitting shortstop.
Walker: Your 5 o’clock shadow is no match for mine.
Bellhorn: I haven’t shampooed my hair since I was traded from the Cubs.
Walker: What’s shampoo?
If this scumbag got Neifi hurt, that’s the last straw. Dump K-Patt. And hire the Rally Carp as Wrigley’s new ball girl. We need some teenage ass in there to show up Marla Collins.
Never mind the Rally Carp! Try on the Rally Lace!
Check out this item:
# Few people know I …
have never had a boyfriend.
Any suitors out there in Desipio-land??
Only Korey could do right and have it go wrong.
Everyone in the starting lineup has a hit!
Everyone in the starting lineup has driven in or scored at least one run… oh, except Corey.
Stay, back, Desipiots. She’s MINE!
The Carp is dead. Long Strip the Lace!
Holy Shit! I mean, I’d still do the Carp, I think she’s cute….but little Lacey there has Jennie Finch cuteness all over her. Too bad she’s a softball playing carpetmuncher.
bc we’re using up our quota of runs for the next 6 games or so.
Iowa State? No wonder they only show her from the neck up. The Daily Cyclone only uses wide angle lenses.
Hey, it’s not my fault I didn’t score a run! I stole 3rd base with one out and Derrek Lee batting!
Carp’s not the only intern around here you know.
Sorry, Kovac.
I guess it’s my fault I was on third with less than two out and no one could drive me in.
Don’t diss the Rally Carp for the latest piece of ass please. She’s doing a fine job.
Enrique Wilson sighting.
“Favorite junk food: … and anything gummy”
PAGING THE SLOTH!
It was something like 20-3 at halftime of Super Bowl XX. Can the Cubs come up with 4 in the 8th??
“I guess it’s my fault I was on third with less than two out and no one could drive me in. ”
We owed you, big time.
Check us out! Macias at 3B, Perez at SS, Hairston the Lesser at 2B, and Wilson at 1B! It’s a good thing groin detachments aren’t contagious, huh?
Sure, NOW you score a bunch of runs.
You assholes have scored more today than you did in all of my starts last season combined.
Where the hell was this kind of support last season?!?!?
You know, interns are fun and all, but what about me?
Carp 1, Lace 0
Carp: wholesome, cute, healthy skin complexion
Lace: skin cancer waiting to happen, way too much makeup, never had a boyfriend because those Iowa State fratboys are more than happy to pass her off to their next frat buddy when they’re done. Doesn’t leave much time for a relationship.
I told Ohman to walk Manny. We had a lot of catching up to do.
Bartosh must be unavailable today. I can see Dusty whining on Sunday that his bullpen is overworked. How about using all of the seven you have instead of just three.
I still suck. In case you forgot.
[img]http://www.iowacubs.com/images/upload/mugshots/Shari_Kramer.W.jpg [/img]
Hey Remlinger and Borowski
How about a arm wrestling tournament to see who goes in next?
Hey look! I was voted most likely to succeed in high school! Except in my high school they use the French word “gullible” in place of likely to succeed.
Who names their kids Lacey, anyway?
Dammit, I shouldn’t have gotten wasted at Mizzou, when I could have had the Rally Lace!
Here I am in the first game after Prior got drilled!
Me likey Lacey…
Lacey:
It was not succeed.
We voted you most likely to suck. And swallow.
I am a douche bag.
What’s wrong with the name Lacey?
Atta way, Ortiz, don’t let anyone tell you that most of your HRs are meaningless. I mean, if we can get the ball back with 2 minutes left, maybe I can find Patten open.
Um, now you asshats know why I don’t use Bartosh for anything other than mop-up. Blecch.
If my piece of shit foreign ass doesn’t get drilled tomorrow, this Cubs team needs a kick in the ass.
Yeah, David Ortiz can try that shit on me all he want. I will tear his head off and shit down his throat.
I like this Wrigley place. Can we come here more often?
Hey, is that blonde in the sweater and Cub hat really the Rally Carp? She looks really cute.
I agree with others, Lacey I’d want to bang, but Carp is our wholesome mascot. No contest. Carp all the way.
Wheee!
Yeah, that’s me. You too could have ridden to Wrigley from DesMoines on a bus with me May 28.
Hey, I look like I am actually watching the game, no?
Tommy likey. Tommy want Lacey.
I will handle them both, please take pictures and we can then post on the internet.
enlarged, my little head cannot spell.
When will I be offering these shirts in the online store?
On deck: The Cubs and Red Sox face off in Game 2 of this three-game series Saturday. Carlos Zambrano will square off against Wade Miller. Zambrano bought T-shirts for his teammates with his nickname, “El Toro,” which means “the bull” in Spanish.
We’re no Danielle Serino’s Nipples
I’m sorry, but Rally Lace looka like a man.
Clue: She dated Sergio Mitre.
The loss of the boobies is sad, too.
Sergio dated me?
I am, like, SO much hotter than Axl.
I’m terrible.
It appears we are the only team who can’t hit Wakefield hard.
It also appears that I was throwing my knuckleball for strikes, which I haven’t been able to do most of this year, so I actually did pitch a good game.
And it helped that the ump gave me a strike zone the size of Texas.
You were able to tell those were strikes? Cuz I sure couldn’t. I think the ump was just guessing all night because it looked like he missed a ton of pitches…not that I’m complaining, we won and all.
Hell, we won when I caught. Back to sleep now.
No, I am bad, look at my homer to rbi ratio. Look at my stolen base total compared to my speed. My k to bb ration is bad too. I have raw talent, but no brains.
You are the best, Corey.
Nobody’s as good as you, Corey.
Plus, you’re damn handsome, Corey. Nobody’s as good-looking as you.
Keep up the strut, babe–that’s what makes a REAL ballpalyer, you studmuffin.
They were strikes. I should know. Joe Morgan said so. And he’s the best. Ever.
For a computer program, I have an uncanny ability to form opinions, no?
I suck.