Reds-Cubs
Pitching matchup:
Reds: Jimmy Haynes, 0-1, 8.31 ERA
Cubs: Matt Clement, 1-1, 3.60
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Reds-Cubs
Pitching matchup:
Reds: Jimmy Haynes, 0-1, 8.31 ERA
Cubs: Matt Clement, 1-1, 3.60
I cannot tell a lie…I will likely struggle mightily thorough 6 1/3 today, but should be enough to put us in a position to win…I’m guessing 4 runs, 3 earned, 4 walks, 3 strikeouts, 8 hits…
And I might have a sacrifice or two…I’ve got us winning 7-5…
I have never given up a hit to D’Angelo Jimenez. I don’t want that to change. So I’ll walk him to start the game!
Ooh, I’m sharp today.
Where am I going?
Oops.
Where is the ball? Whoopsie. My bad.
OK, who put a golden sombrerro in my locker and why is it there?
anyone having it?
I don’t need no stinking cut-off man.
Look at my speed! Call me "Yugo!"
Cubs will win the World Series
Clement has none
Look at all those guys clogging up the bases!
I really suck.
I heard there was a clog?
Yeah, I see how Hendry should be Executive of the Year, getting Alfonseca and Clement for us even though the Crazy Julian half of us sucks!
Ron Santo loves me.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit my job and watch the Cubs.
Beege loves me :))
Hey Chuck. Try sniffing glue.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking.
No thanks.
Anyone remember Macho Grande?
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.
Oh, it’s a big pretty white plane with curtains in the windows and wheels…It looks like a big Tylenol.
No sweat! How could we not trust a guy with this face?
![]("http://www.mlb.com/images/players/mugshot/ph_136725.jpg"/)
I will not be in the lineup today to chase outs into triples.
By the way, when did Sammy’s arm finally heal up? It only took two years. Jack McDowell says it’s because guys on steroids don’t heal.
Even though doctors prescribe steroids to help people heal.
…concentrate…concentrate…concentrate…
Pinch-hitting for Pedro Borbon, Manny Mota…Mota…Mota…
Oh, wait. I AM sniffing glue!
I got the sweetest parking spot today. And it was free! Hah! All you suckers who paid $25 to park are morons!
I’m glad he doesn’t know how much I hate his guts.
Starts today…I don’t think Pirates will put up much of a fight at home…
Howard Zipp would have struck out this morning.
Does this make Sammy the new Mr. Cub?
I want to credit Chip Caray with helping me find this new stance. It’s all about the hip and pelvic action, you can really generate a lot of torque if you thrust at just the right time.
By the way, I’m the one who started the HIV epidemic in the porn industry. Oops.
i haven’t seen anything bad since that Ronald Regan film.
First Jive Dude: Shit man, that honky mus’ be messin’ my old lady… got to be runnin’ cold upside down his head. You know?
Second Jive Dude: Hey home, I can dig it. You know he ain’t gonna lay no mo’ big rap up on you man.
First Jive Dude: I say hey sky, s’other s’ay I wan say?
Second Jive Dude: UH…
First Jive Dude: Pray to J I get the same ol’ same ol’.
Second Jive Dude: Eh. Yo knock yourself a pro slick, gray matter live performas down now take TCB’in man.
First Jive Dude: Hey, you know what they say… See a broad, to get that booty yak ’em.
First Jive Dude, Second Jive Dude: Leg ‘er down ‘n smack ’em yak ’em
First Jive Dude: Cold got to be. You know? Shiiiiit.
Ooh, there was a big bang and then the dinosaurs came and they died and turned into oil and then some Arabs started buying Mercedeses.
OK boys, let’s take some pictures.
Steve McCroskey: This fog is getting thicker.
Johnny: And Barry Bonds is getting laaaaarrrrrger.
I’m alive, but unconcious. Just like Gerald Ford.
Dusty,
Are you happy now?
Love,
CB
Joey: Wait a minute. I know you. You’re Kareem Abdul-Jabar. You play basketball for the Los Angeles Lakers.
Roger Murdock: I’m sorry son, but you must have me confused with someone else. My name is Roger Murdock. I’m the co-pilot.
Joey: You are Kareem. I’ve seen you play. My dad’s got season tickets.
Roger Murdock: I think you should go back to your seat now Joey. Right Clarence?
Captain Oveur: Nahhhhhh, he’s not bothering anyone, let him stay here.
Roger Murdock: But just remember, my name is ROGER MURDOCK. I’m an airline pilot.
Joey: I think you’re the greatest, but my dad says you don’t work hard enough on defense. And he says that lots of times, you don’t even run down court. And that you don’t really try… except during the playoffs.
Roger Murdock: The hell I don’t. LISTEN KID. I’ve been hearing that crap ever since I was at UCLA. I’m out there busting my buns every night. Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes.
How about this leaflet, "Famous Jewish Sports Legends?"
I’m the co-pilot
Do you know what it’s like to fall in the mud and get kicked… in the head… with an iron boot? Of course you don’t, no one does. It never happens. It’s a dumb question… skip it.
It was a rough place – the seediest dive on the wharf. Populated with every reject and cutthroat from Bombay to Calcutta. It’s worse than Detroit.
He’s a menace to himself and everything else in the air… yes, birds too.
Well, I’ll give him another twenty minutes, but that’s it.
anyone wanna visit me?
I don’t think I’ll ever get over Macho Grande…
I didn’t know I was a great sunker ball pitcher?
Ever seen a grown man naked?
I predicted yesterday that Alex S. Gonzalez would get hot. Let it begin!!
i never won a spelling bee either
Should I make an appearance?
How many pitches will Corey see?
O/U 2.5
PLEASE, can someone explain to me exactly what the hell THIS is?!
http://dolan.fanclub.ms/
I wish Steve would say me some more.
Hi Corey1
Hi Corey!
I’m through taking pitches.
Screw a bases loaded walk.
If Corey can’t get a hit during me, he’ll never get one.
Base hit.
Two runs.
I don’t suck.
I think the good news of that whole thing, other than scoring of course, is that Patterson actually was able to coax a 3-2 count.
Those guys with the signs…"Steve Stone rocks my face off," and "Chip Caray is so money." Brilliant.
http://dolan.fanclub.ms/
Will someone answer my DAMN question?!
Well you may run like Mays, but you hit like sh*t!
There’s nothing I like better than getting up 0-2 and then throwing 3 balls…
Did you know if you put a goldfish in a large pond it will grow to the size of the pond.
tell me why Chip Caray keeps talking about someone hitting the Wrigley Field scoreboard? He kept mentioning it yesterady and he just mentioned it now.
SHUT THE FUCK UP CHIP! I HOPE YOU GET HIT BY A BUS! EVERYONE HATES YOU!!!!!!
I don’t know about the fan club there…
The occasional mention of that scoreboard fact is all right. But mentions on consecutive days is a little much.
Evidentally, I’m a slob.
Moises Alou, king of the infield hit..
Chip Caray just advocated the Cardinals sweeping the Astros. Now, I hate the Astros too, but that’s just freaking ridiculous.
You’re the CUBS’ ANNOUNCER Chip, you are supposed to hate the Cardinals. Yikes.
Man, the Reds can’t throw anybody out at 1st.
Look, I’m taking pitches!
Look a single I’m 2 for 2
OK, the Andy Dolan Appreication Society was apparently set up for some guy with an incredibly cool name who had an incredibly uncool, fatal disease.
As Hawk would say, "He gone."
Two outs, two on and Matt Clement, the worst hitter in the world is on deck and they’re pitching to me?
Haynes is in the mid-70’s in pitches, that is why they are pitching to you Mr. Barrett.
If I was in right field, it’d be 4-1 Cubs right now.
Damnit.
I like to think that I’m a worse everyday hitter than Clement.
Ambassador to Iraq? I thought we owned Iraq. Why are we naming ambassadors there like it’s a real country?
Hi, my name is Derrek Lee.
BC, your grasp of baseball strategy is amazing!
Haynes has thrown 75 pitches so we had him pitch to a .300 hitting eighth place hitter and throw 9 more pitches rather than walk him, have him get Clement out on three and finish the inning.
Now, don’t you have a column to go write and then post here that it’s coming about nineteen times?
Sergio Mitre vs. Josh Fogg? That’ll be a good chance for Meat to get his first win.
Hey Dave, maybe you should be watching the game…
Did we just appoint a Negro(ponte) ambassador?
I didn’t know Bush had it in him.
With that Kearns’ groundout, my WHIP is under 2 for the first time since I threw my first pitch today.
While Clement indeed is one of the worst hitting pitchers in the National League, you have to remember that Haynes has struggled with his location today and he threw a couple balls to Clement the last at-bat, and all Matt was trying to do was bunt.
I still think it was the right move, especially because you get Clement leading off this coming inning.
Everyone’s is going to see how good of a hostage negotiator I am really soon. I negotiated the freeing of Juan Cruz.
Hey Jesse, can you free me from Iowa? I’m afraid I’ll never get out of here…
Why would we want to retransmit a Cubs’ game? We already hear Chip Caray once, and that’s one time too many.
Dear Andy Pratt,
No whiteboy!!
I like to get together with 10-20 of my closest friends and rebroadcast Cubs games on a projector screen I’ve set up.
Shouldn’t I be used to beat BC senseless about now?
BC,
Here’s a thought, when you have something witty to say, post it. When you don’t. Don’t.
…I’m an assclown…
Corey, I’m not planning on throwing you any strikes.
Mark Prior threw another bullpen session today and he took BP off of a tee. But I don’t think he did. I think the Cubs are LYING!
They LIE! LIARS!
Damnit, my pants are on fire again.
Hmm, does anyone want me to feed on BC as well?
BC stands for Barely Comprehendable.
I guess it is time for my weekly consternation-fest from a couple other posters.
Sammy strikes out on a borderline pitch. Hey, that was a ball on Saturday!
SHUT THE HELL UP!!!
I give up 2 runs in 4 innings, and that knocks 2 points off my ERA.
Thanks, guys.
George,
Your pants are on fire? That’s a real drag.
I’m the Pryor with the washed-up arm who always wore the Cubs jersey because they were the only team to give me a chance. In Brewster’s Millions, remember? John Candy was my catcher and Jerry Orbach was my manager on the Hacksensack Bulls. I couldn’t get anyone out, but I then inherited $300 million.
I also used to be funny, freebased a lot, set myself on fire, and then contracted an uncool, eventually fatal disease.
You know, once I get into my groove, I’m not that bad.
We’re all dying of something. Some of are doin’ it a little faster.
Matt, I’ve got mine back!
How many times have I said "disappearing baseball" today?
I love it when Craig and I play hide the baseball.
Chip, ain’t I what you been hiding with Craig?
Yes, Mike and Doug, I have breaking news at Wrigley Field. A "Sage" has informed me that all 25 active Cubs, plus their entire farm system, front office, fan base, bat boys, and clubhouse attendants have been all diagnosed with an ultimately fatal condition.
Sage has predicted that every member of the current Cubs will be dead no later than April 19, 2084.
So as you can tell, the Cubs have been lying all along and not just Mark Prior is in grave shape, so is the rest of the franchise.
Hey, I’m pretty good at this game.
This just in: I’m good.
It will be real interesting to see if I’m brought into a one run game today.
You’re both good. And if you keep playing decent defense, you can remove the "E".
Why can’t I hit?
Raise your hand if I’m killing your fantasy team….
Fun fact for the day, who’s younger Aramis Ramirez or Joe Crede?
Yup, Aramis.
Is a strike out part of the cycle?
Don’t worry Joe, Wuertz will come in sometime this game to make sure it isn’t a one-run game in the late innings.
Either that or the ghost of Andy Pratt will come back to Wrigley.
and who’s better Andy?
Yup Aramis
Of course, if you carbon-date me you may find that I’m older than 25, just like mi amigo Carlos Zambrano….
Hey, Alex, try and hit for the "Bako Cycle".
It’s harder than it looks. There are four requirements.
Strike out with runners on base.
Pop out foul to the catcher with runners on base.
Ground into a double play.
Double to right but get called out for missing first base.
Go get ’em and good luck.
Only by 3 months Dolan. That’s about as relevant as a watermelon.
I’m from Missouri just like Albert Pujols and we’re actually both 47.
Paul striking out sounds alot wasier. The faster I strike out the faster I can get back to the bench and relax.
Yep, at two months older than E-ramis, I’m headed to the glue factory. Especially since I’ve played 400 fewer games at the ML level…
Watermelons are tasty.
And younger’s still younger.
Besides, the thing that makes it interesting is that even though he’s younger he’s had 2300 at bats and Crede has had 842.
Now, feel free to go back to being cranky.
Awright, I’m approaching 100 pitches here in the seventh inning. But Dusty says if I go the distance, he’ll buy me ice cream. Let’s do it!
Boys, if I can hold down the fort through the 7th, do you think you can get the final 6 outs?
Or should I just throw 130 pitches today til my arm falls off?
Who’s smarter?
Crede or A-Ram?
April 26th to June 25th = 3 months.
Jury’s still out…..
To make up for our third baseman’s youth, I’m actually 43.
Eh, I’m just picking nits.
I think we all know who the better 3rd basman is.
Gary Scott.
OK, I haven’t one a football game in my two years as Wauconda HS head coach, I was Rob Goldman’s "friend" he said he was visited when busted trolling for 15-year-old internet sex fiends in Waukegan, and the only reason I played in the NFL was that I kept McMahon from getting expelled from BYU.
But Ron Santo loves my show with Jim Memolo.
God, am I good.
Or has Ronnie been drinking paint thinner?
Uh TW, April 26-June 25 = 2 months.
…lists a Desipio column as the first link.
Good job Andy!
Hi, it’s me, Austin Kearns.
So, can somebody tell me why the Cubs’ announcers felt the need to talk about the Reds’ minor league system for about three minutes?
Good afternoon, fellows. How are we all this fine day?
How long before Clement implodes?
Okay, 100 pitches to go six innings. Looks like I’m gonna throw me 150 today so we don’t have to go to the ‘pen.
I’m sorry, the pen blows goats, but 100 pitches, you gotta pull him.
Hey, speaking of the ‘pen, looks like Sloth is out on parole after his latest little Chmura-esque incident….
Check me out!
Much of the WGN Team at the Chalet Hills Golf Outing. Back Row (L-R): Steve Cochran, Dan Hampton, Ted Albrecht, Tom Waddle. Front Row (L-R): Andy Masur, Andrea Darlas, David Kaplan, Rob Goldman, Larry Schreiner, Dave Eanet.
Especially if the Great Michael Barrett gets on base
Memolo is the absolute worst sportscaster in Chicago. I can’t believe WGN would hire a no-talent hack like him. Koz sounds good compared to me.
We’re going all the way today baby!
Andrea Darlas…I’d do ‘er
compared to Memolo, that is.
Is it significant that Goldie is the only one wearing black?
Somehow I counted the 26 I started on as 1. That screwed up my math.
I guess that’s why I’m an outfielder and not sitting at the hot corner….
Matt Clement got on base. That’s better than that Bako guy on most days.
They let him hit…AND HE ACTUALLY HIT?
Sloth, I’m in my 30s, so I’d have no chance with you.
Rip. There goes the groin.
2-3 yesterday, with my first RBI thank you very much!
Hey, can we get a real #2 hitter that makes contact most of the time?
Me and this Corey Patterson fellow do NOT know each other.
The important thing is, I hit it to DEEP right. Oh for yesterday’s tail winds!
How many pitches for this inning, boys?
There’s one!
Anybody else just chuckle when Pat used the term "two-bagger?"
Son you got a pantie on your head
What an interesting group there. Larry Schreiner is an ex-cop, so it’s fitting he’s smiling right over Goldman’s shoulder…
But you’ve got a rap sheet in this group:
Hampton, 76-time DUI loser
Ted Albrecht, wife beater
Rob Goldman pedophile
And then you have Tom Waddle, the master of the concussion; the generally creepy Dave Kaplan; Pat Hughes sub Andy Masur; so openly pro-Northwestern he probably shaves points Dave Eanet; and little-known talk-show host Steve Cochran.
But, I will say Andrea Darlas is cute. What’s she doing with that group?
7 pitches, 1 out, 1 hit, 1 hit batter!
I’m tired.
Can I go home now?
Will this be the 2002 Capt. Tightpants or the 2003 Capt. Tightpants?
Oh. Crap. This isn’t looking good.
I am eternally yours, Captain Tightpants!
I might want to get these two guys out because if I face Griffey it’s going to be a bad thing.
Hey, it could always be worse…
Settle down there, B.C.
That’s "Mr. ‘Cat" Dave Eanet to you, TJ. Do you complain about Pat and Ron being pro-Cub? Maybe you didn’t notice but WGN carries NU games. He’s supposed to be a homer.
If I can catch up with the Farns’ cheese, then the Cubs deserve to lose.
Just look for me, Barry!
Actually, I’m 0 for 5 with a walk against Mr. Tightpants.
2003 version!
Did I just lose my place as the worst 7th inning stretch singer ever?
How "deep" was "deep right"?
[EOM]
I believe I took your title away yesterday, Coach.
Memo to Steve Trout:
How dare you steal my hair style!
How bout some?
Oh, it’s not your birthday?
Don’t worry Reds fans, I’ve still got to bat!
The Farns survives for a little bit.
Ramirez may be taking this one out of reach here in a moment.
Ever notice that my name rhymes with "Can’t hit a lick"?
Seriously though,
If I don’t come through here…Hollandsworth needs to start tomorrow.
OK, there you go fantasy leaguers!
Are you not entertained?
Oh yeah baby!!!
Derrek Lee with a grand slam!!!
Oh well. I love pinch-hitting anyway.
Derrek, I take it all back.
Ok, I’ll start tomorrow.
Hey, aren’t I the GOOD Reds reliever?
Yikes.
The floodgates have opened!
and
The Cubs have their hitting shoes on today!
Hi,
I’m going to pitch for some reason with a 6 run lead.
Let me at him! Do I even have a batting helmet?
Santo: "They don’t want to break this kid’s confidence"
I’d say Wagner broke his own confidence. God bless the dreaded Reds bullpen.
I have arrived!
Now, there’s a good idea. Send me up there.
Dear Mr. Wagner,
If I get a hit off you, you need to rethink your career plans.
Love,
Jose
I thought this was Chip Caray’s "vaunted" Reds’ bullpen.
Yeesh.
How about I pitch the eighth and ninth. I’ll save the pen and I’m the utility guy, aren’t I supposed to be able to do everything?
"The Cubs offense is even more explosive than my daily sixth inning bowel movement!"
I’m very happy to have gotten a hit.
Hey I got my annual RBI!
Stop the bleeding!
We can actually hit this year
Have they taken me out yet?
I’m the MLB career pinch hits leader!
Am I still warming up?
Am I still in the league?
This would be a fine opportunity to see if we can get someone out.
We feel we shall be over shadowed this year by one Todd Hollandsworth.
Will I still be in the league after this outing?
Not today.
Will I swing 2-0?
Yes, I will.
Uh, Francis and Mike, I’ll take it from here.
How about 2 slams in an inning?
I’m cheating the Marlins out of a check nowadays. $400k a year. Oh, and I’m 0-4 so far.
Makes you wonder why Fred McGriff can’t get a job as a PH.
I can’t find a clubhouse couch comfy enough to sleep on.
We have sectional sofa that is sooo big for Fred-san.
This is easy.
Wow 2 Strike Outs
I need home run now!
Walker by name, Walker by reputation, baby.
I just remembered, I don’t like Des Moines.
Todd,
I’ve walked 15 times already!
Um Dusty am I still gonna have a job?
One of my strong points is tackling the hottest issues in baseball today. Did you hear my insightful commentary on whether Babe Ruth should have punched an umpire after walking the first batter in a game in 1916?
Sure, the Yankees need a second baseman.
How the hell did I do this?
"Alou grounded out to left."
This just in: I’m still good.
I lost the ball in the vines…even though I could see it!
If not for Junior, E-ramis would have had an inside the park homer.
My batting eye is starting to clear
Mark,
Wow, 15 walks in 10 games and you’re batting only .233. Maybe it’s because you have as many hits as strikeouts………
Me likey Andrea Darlis.
I think watching Adam Dunn raise his hands to signal "I can’t find the ball" when it was stuck in plain view was one of the funniest things I’ve seen this year.
Come over here, Andrea, and snuggle up with me. If you do, I’ll tell my goat to take curse off the Cubs…
(Wow, that line almost never works!)
you left me at home today
We are still here.
New England Patriots cornerback Ty Law was arrested after he allegedly led police on a brief foot chase.
Law was driving his 2004 Rolls-Royce early Saturday morning in the South Beach section of the city when an officer flagged him down for a lane violation, Miami Beach police said.
The 30-year-old Pro Bowl player initially pulled over, but police said he sped off, prompting them to chase him about half a block until he stopped again. He then ran away from officers again but they caught up to him after a short chase. According to police, Law told the two officers "not to touch him because he is a professional athlete."
What the hell is with Ron’s obsession with goldfish today? Hey, NFL news! Corey Dillon traded to Patriots for draft picks.
Don’t assume that because he lost a foot race to a couple of cops that he’s lost any speed.
See, I ain’t so bad.
One more for the road!
Remember how El pulpo hit the skids in 2002? Maybe it’s because he took pitching lessons from me:
Hey, I’m cute. Why am I on the radio?
Andrea,
Why don’t you replace Chip and watch games from up here?
from http://www.djheadlines.com...
Look, I’m single!
When/where were you born?
Born in Oak Lawn, Illinois…early 1970’s.
Are you married/single?
Single.
Do you have any pets?
A cat…Annie.
Do you have any favorite hobbies?
Favorite hobbies: golfing, biking, traveling and of course, shopping.
What was your first radio gig?
First gig: as a college DJ for WPGU-FM in Champaign. First PAYING gig: as a News Anchor/Reporter, then News Director for WJOL-AM/WLLI-FM in Joliet.
What CDs do you have in your car/home CD player right now?
CD’s in my car right now: Annie Lennox "Bare", Lucinda Williams’ "World Without Tears", and an 80’s mix CD.
What’s something that most people might not know about you?
I’ve been to the Olympic Games in Atlanta (’96), Sydney (’00) and plan to go to the games in Athens next year!
Who’s the one famous person you’d like to meet?
Jodie Foster or Diane Sawyer
When/where can people hear you?
WGN-AM, Radio 720 — I anchor the evening news from 7-10pm each weeknight. I also work as a reporter for CLTV (Chicagoland Television) on weekends and provide occasional reports for WGN-TV.
What’s your dream job in radio?
My dream job would probably be hosting my own show.
If you weren’t in radio, what would you be doing?
When I was younger, I wanted to be a radiologist. My Dad teases me now and says, "Well, at least you got the radio part right". If I’d gone that route, I probably still wouldn’t be living on Ramen and Macaroni & Cheese!
If you life depended on it, would you rather have to DISassemble and then REassemble a car engine OR a computer?
I think I’d probably be dead because I’m terrible at repairing ANYTHING.
test
The man who gets angry at the right things and with the right people, and in the right way and at the right time and for the right length of time, is commended. by online poker