So, now you can all say that I’m fawning over the upper thighs of males, but am disinterested in Eliza Dushku.
Hank White-o-Meter
on May 26, 2005 at 12:12 pm
Hank’s a sleepy fella, but what are the other settings? hungry? confused? soothing?
Line Em Up
on May 26, 2005 at 12:22 pm
1 Clint Barmes, SS
2 Desi Relaford, 2B
3 Todd Helton, 1B
4 Preston Wilson, CF
5 Brad Hawpe, RF
6 Matt Holliday, LF
7 Todd Greene, C
8 Garrett Atkins, 3B
9 Jason Jennings, P
1 Neifi Perez, SS
2 Todd Walker, 2B
3 Derrek Lee, 1B
4 Jeromy Burnitz, RF
5 Aramis Ramirez, 3B
6 Corey Patterson, CF
7 Todd Hollandsworth, LF
8 Michael Barrett, C
9 Carlos Zambrano, P
Hank White's Dentist
on May 26, 2005 at 12:23 pm
How about a making setting on the Hank White-O-Meter when it’s time to come see me?
Jerry the Lesser and Dubois
on May 26, 2005 at 12:30 pm
Why aren’t either of us playing left field today?
Todd Hollandsworth
on May 26, 2005 at 12:31 pm
Because Guys I’ve gotten 2 hits in just over a week.
Dave Kaplan
on May 26, 2005 at 12:43 pm
Somebody start a trade rumor I can run with.
.302 career OBP
on May 26, 2005 at 12:43 pm
If I’m a stat that your leadoff hitter has, you’re in for a long day.
Mike D.
on May 26, 2005 at 12:45 pm
Seriously, what is Baker trying to prove with Hollandsworthless starting today?
It's Time...
on May 26, 2005 at 12:48 pm
To make a Trade. When did Houston get the Mole? Around this time, no?
morpheus
on May 26, 2005 at 1:07 pm
Well, Hollandsworthless is 3-for-3 with 2 doubles lifetime against Jennings. That’s probably what Dustbag’s looking at. I mean, of course that’s enough at-bats to make a statistical inference from…
Fearless Prediction
on May 26, 2005 at 1:09 pm
By the end of the day today, Milt Pappas will not be the last pitcher to throw a no-hitter for the Cubs.
Larry Rothschild
on May 26, 2005 at 1:11 pm
Carlos! Is that you posting as “Fearless Prediction” on Desipio? Get off the computer… Doctor’s orders, remember?
Larry! Keep your head down. The only way you stay employed is if you keep quiet!
Jose Zambrano
on May 26, 2005 at 1:13 pm
Has anyone heard from my brother??
Todd Hollandsworth
on May 26, 2005 at 1:14 pm
I do excel at coming off the bench, but even Dusty knows that i need one start a week to stay sharp. This is that start. Just relax, i’ll be back on the pine tomorrow.
For once Dusty is doing the right thing. He looked at the series and picked the pitcher i had the most success with. It’s called putting your player in a position to succeed…
Todd Walker
on May 26, 2005 at 1:15 pm
I’m not running well enough to lead off, but I can bat second?
Huh?
Jason Jennings
on May 26, 2005 at 1:15 pm
They don’t make pants baggy enough to hide my fat ass.
LaTroy
on May 26, 2005 at 1:16 pm
Yeah, putting your players in a position they can success in. Like he did with me for most of last season and the beginning of this one, right?
.500
on May 26, 2005 at 1:16 pm
CUBS HAVE TO BE AT ME (3-1 VS ROCKIES) OR ABOVE ME (4-0 VS ROCKIES) BY SUNDAY OR FORGET ABOUT THE SEASON
CAPS LOCK
on May 26, 2005 at 1:20 pm
You don’t need to use me here. Everyone can read. Step away from the keyboard, nice and slow.
non-displaced distal phalanx fracture
on May 26, 2005 at 1:20 pm
I believe this means, ‘I can’t get anyone out.. and Walk needs a place on the roster”
Messmer
on May 26, 2005 at 1:21 pm
…Brave!!!
Jason Jennings
on May 26, 2005 at 1:24 pm
I’m glad Dubois isn’t starting.
Todd Helton
on May 26, 2005 at 1:24 pm
The Rockies will get as many hits today as I do.
Dusty
on May 26, 2005 at 1:25 pm
Sorry LaTroy, there’s not a position you can “success” in. Dude
Carlos
on May 26, 2005 at 1:26 pm
You no hit me Todd, I hit you!
Preston Wilson
on May 26, 2005 at 1:27 pm
I had flu-like symptoms yesterday. I looked at my numbers on the year and crapped my pants.
Neifi!
on May 26, 2005 at 1:29 pm
My reign at leadoff is about to begin! I’m going 5-5 today with 11 stolen bases!
Neifi!
on May 26, 2005 at 1:30 pm
Like I said, 4-5 with 9 stolen bases!
Todd Walker
on May 26, 2005 at 1:30 pm
Maybe I was a little too anxious to leave Iowa?
Dusty
on May 26, 2005 at 1:31 pm
Way to work the count, dudes
morpheus
on May 26, 2005 at 1:32 pm
Wow, Cubs hitters are patient today. An 8-pitch first inning for Jennings.
Jason Jennings
on May 26, 2005 at 1:33 pm
Donuts!!!
Danny Graves
on May 26, 2005 at 1:33 pm
Where?!?
Todd Helton
on May 26, 2005 at 1:34 pm
Without Coors Field, I’m pretty average.
Seven batters...
on May 26, 2005 at 1:34 pm
…three 3-1 putouts.
MLB Gameday
on May 26, 2005 at 1:36 pm
I luv when Big Z pitches. i’m flashing faster than ever.
Big Z
on May 26, 2005 at 1:39 pm
MLB Gameday, that means internet is near. I hear voices in my head telling me not to accept cookies from you while I pitch. I keel you Todd Helton.
morpheus
on May 26, 2005 at 1:39 pm
Those are 1-3 putouts, right?
Jason Jennings
on May 26, 2005 at 1:40 pm
Isn’t every inning I pitch a BIG one.
Rosenberg
on May 26, 2005 at 1:40 pm
Correct
3-1
on May 26, 2005 at 1:41 pm
No, three first base (3) to the pitcher (1). We’ve also had a 1-3.
E-Ram
on May 26, 2005 at 1:41 pm
I’m pitiful….
Jason Jennings
on May 26, 2005 at 1:41 pm
I’m going to accept cookies while I pitch!
Jim Hendry
on May 26, 2005 at 1:42 pm
Unless I’m on my cell at own mom’s funeral, I think those trade rumors can quiet down for a while.
Corey
on May 26, 2005 at 1:42 pm
I can bunt…ok, not really, but this time…
CP
on May 26, 2005 at 1:42 pm
That “bunt-for-a-hit” thing?
Works much better when we’re downa run in the 8th. But the 8th inning is when I’m REALLY swingin’ from my ass.
That’s gotta be at least 5 plays I can think of in the last 2 seasons that Kor E-8 has had an error on that the official scorer gave him a pass.
Anyone see where The Rally Fisch is?
Ron Fuckwad Santo
on May 26, 2005 at 1:54 pm
Instead of actually, you know, calling Patterson out for regressing defensively, I’ll just rest my legless ass back on the ole’ “This is what happens witha 2-out walk” bullshit.
Milt Pappas
on May 26, 2005 at 1:54 pm
Is the threat over? Can I have my pudding and a nap?
cowboy
on May 26, 2005 at 1:54 pm
i don’t want to slow down
Z's control
on May 26, 2005 at 1:55 pm
I’m not good today
morpheus
on May 26, 2005 at 1:55 pm
Gameday still hasn’t told us… what happened?
Fearless Prediction
on May 26, 2005 at 1:55 pm
OK, I’m a moran
Andy
on May 26, 2005 at 1:56 pm
That’s a single and an error. No way the runner scores if Corey doesn’t kick it.
But for $125 a game, who has time to actually pay attention?
Larry Rothschild
on May 26, 2005 at 1:56 pm
Don’t look at me.
They always get worse under me. Lawnmower’s no exception.
Wait until I get my hands on the Valdez kid.
The "double"
on May 26, 2005 at 1:56 pm
What happened?
Cy Jennings
on May 26, 2005 at 1:56 pm
I’ve got all I need…this one’s in the bag.
Rally Fisch
on May 26, 2005 at 1:57 pm
Who called for me?
Dave B
on May 26, 2005 at 1:57 pm
CT, if I’m scoring at work, put a bullet in my head.
Mike D.
on May 26, 2005 at 1:58 pm
two-out single to right center by Desi Arnaz.
Patterson somehow managed to “overrun” the ball and let it sloppily bounce off his body. Barmes was able to scoot home because of it but, because Bob Rosenberg has a thing for 5′ 10″ nonchalant centerfielders who strut around and “look” cool, Patterson was not charged with the rightful error.
You know, when you don’t have an offense, the games go by really quickly.
Confucious say...
on May 26, 2005 at 2:21 pm
Man who fart in church, sit in own pew….
Jim Hendry's Mom
on May 26, 2005 at 2:21 pm
Well Jim, obviously I did.
Chicago Bears
on May 26, 2005 at 2:22 pm
Our offense hasn’t perfected the 3-and-out like the Cubs have.
Rickey
on May 26, 2005 at 2:22 pm
You think you seen bad defense in the outfield? Wait until you Rickey! Rickey can still run, but Rickey can’t catch or throw. Rickey can still steal bases and get walks, but Rickey can’t hit no more. Rickey is available for a price, though.
Corey Patterson
on May 26, 2005 at 2:22 pm
See, I got that one.
Alamis Lamilez
on May 26, 2005 at 2:23 pm
you like to eat good, go to chinese buffet, take it from me, chinese buffet owner,
eeh…no..from me, Alamis Lamilez
This Homestand
on May 26, 2005 at 2:24 pm
Is just proof that this team is worth shit, from the braintrust all the way down to the Gremlin.
Pitch Counts
on May 26, 2005 at 2:24 pm
Zambrano– 78–and counting–in 3 1/3
Fat Jason (who leads the league in walks)– 41 through 3.
Dusty Baker should be raped and killed. And then raped again, for good measure.
Chuck Lemar
on May 26, 2005 at 2:24 pm
Hey Jim,
Chuck Lemar here, GM of the Devil Rays. I hear you lost your mother. Condolences on that. I’m sure she was a lovely woman. Hey, did she have 10-5 rights? Because if she didn’t, I still have the rights to Fred McGriff and I’ll trade you straight up, your hard as a carp mother for a stiff who stands around near first.
Call me back.
Oh, and if you want Aubrey Huff I want Prior, Lee, the Panozzo and part ownership in Sluggers.
Sorry, that should be “I think they’ve played 4 innings”.
The Rockies
on May 26, 2005 at 2:27 pm
We are an awesome road team? I mean, we are an awesome road team!
morpheus
on May 26, 2005 at 2:29 pm
A visit to the Friendly Confines is enough to cure what ails any poor road team.
Albom
on May 26, 2005 at 2:29 pm
hey guys, don’t you worry, the cubs sweep this series, I just put it in my paper here in detroit… sunday’s game is unbelievable, wait to you see it, i already did.
Ron Santo
on May 26, 2005 at 2:30 pm
I was groaning–you know, because I don’t know what the fuck’s going on and I have no respect for the broadcast–during that double-steal, even though it was in our favor.
2 OUT RUNS
on May 26, 2005 at 2:30 pm
we are killers
Sentimental Pap
on May 26, 2005 at 2:31 pm
Mitch Albom made his living by churning out me.
Unemployment Line
on May 26, 2005 at 2:31 pm
You’re next, Albom.
After...
on May 26, 2005 at 2:31 pm
these tools lose the next couple, you unload and bring up the kids to let em’ get some experience. Chuck LeMar will probably want Zambrano, and two top tier prospects, fo Huff alone. We’ll get more for next season if Hendry unloads some guys. This team was as dead as his mom, from the start of the season.
Nomar
on May 26, 2005 at 2:33 pm
I thought I was supposed to win the MVP this year. Gammons, you jinxed me you fag.
Imaginary Sentimental Pap
on May 26, 2005 at 2:33 pm
No, this is what Albom churns out. Even Tuesdays with Morrie is mostly fiction.
Game Reporters
on May 26, 2005 at 2:33 pm
If we all weren’t all co-opted by the Cubs (not to mention that we don’t really watch the game anyway–ESPECIALLY when they throw pot stickers in the buffet), today’s first question to Dusty would be:
“Was your team aware that Jason Jennings had led the league in walks this season?”
Zero
on May 26, 2005 at 2:35 pm
I am the number of walks that the Cubs have allowed Jason Jennings to force-feed them.
My Brother
on May 26, 2005 at 2:35 pm
Is at the game and he overheard some know it all say that”Jennings has wicked stuff, he can be unhittable at times” Wow, sounds like a Steve Stone fan.
Chicago Cubs
on May 26, 2005 at 2:36 pm
While our schedule says we are supposed to be headed to Los Angeles Monday, a better destination would be here:
Dusty Baker
on May 26, 2005 at 2:36 pm
Dudes, I don’t want the bases clogged up for my base stealer, who wants to hit in the 6 hole.
Steve Stone
on May 26, 2005 at 2:36 pm
this is all because of kerry wood’s failure with his mechanics, and by the way, How’s the visibility?
Jason Jennings
on May 26, 2005 at 2:36 pm
My ERA just slipped under seven! You guys are the greatest!
Pete Gammons
on May 26, 2005 at 2:37 pm
What’s wrong, Nomar? I picked Kerry Wood to win the Cy in 2004!
Andy
on May 26, 2005 at 2:37 pm
How sad is it that we’re too the point where if the Milwaukee Brewers offered to trade their entire team for our entire team…it’d make us better?
What’s the point. The fact that we don’t have 10 runs in already tells me how bad we suck. They gone.
Kathy and Judy
on May 26, 2005 at 2:43 pm
Are still not as annoying as Santo when the Cubs are sucky.
Mike D.
on May 26, 2005 at 2:45 pm
Actually, for all of us radio listeners, even though we’re losing and our heart of the order’s up, the quick inning would be appreciated, thanks to the presence of Kathy & Judy.
The Order
on May 26, 2005 at 2:46 pm
We have a heart?
One Millionth Pitch
on May 26, 2005 at 2:46 pm
Is Carlos going to reach me this inning?
JoBo
on May 26, 2005 at 2:47 pm
You think that fucktard Baker can get me in the friggin game today?
And why wasn’t I pitching in the 8th last night?
Tinman
on May 26, 2005 at 2:47 pm
Yeah, it’s a brain that you lack.
Major Donkey Dick
on May 26, 2005 at 2:49 pm
I’ve posted 3 times here at Desipio this season, the 3 to tell you that the Cubs suck me, big time.
Noise ordinances
on May 26, 2005 at 2:52 pm
Haven’t we been violated today during the 7th inning stretch?
Your Indentured Servants
on May 26, 2005 at 2:52 pm
Wow.
morpheus
on May 26, 2005 at 2:52 pm
Z has thrown 110 pitches, 64 for strikes.
Todd Walker
on May 26, 2005 at 2:53 pm
Hey Borowski–
For the same reason I’m not leading off. Because Baker’s a moran of the first order.
Big Z's inner voice
on May 26, 2005 at 2:54 pm
why don’t you hit someone with a pitch, so everybody can get rid of their frustations with a big time brawl?
morpheus
on May 26, 2005 at 2:54 pm
Oh, and Jennings’s ERA is currently at 6.48, down from 7.05 at the beginning of the game. Nice job Cubbies!
Carlos Zambrano
on May 26, 2005 at 2:54 pm
If you @#$%heads don’t get 3 runs in this inning, don’t bother coming back to the dugout. I’ll keell the entire bunch of you.
Cubs staff
on May 26, 2005 at 2:55 pm
How about a 3 pitch inn?
Cubs Lineup
on May 26, 2005 at 2:55 pm
We only hit closers.
A walk
on May 26, 2005 at 2:56 pm
Hurray!
Todd Hollandsworth
on May 26, 2005 at 2:56 pm
See? A walk.
Peter Gammons
on May 26, 2005 at 2:57 pm
The Cubs can still make a run at it, er…um…who am I kidding? I am just trying to save face for my idiot predictions.
Walgreens
on May 26, 2005 at 2:57 pm
We figured we were a lock to donate 10 large today. You schmucks have saved us a bundle.
And cost a bunch of kids money out-of-pocket for insulin.
morpheus
on May 26, 2005 at 2:57 pm
At least Hollandsworth found some way to get on base. God knows he’s not going to get a hit.
1 run support
on May 26, 2005 at 2:58 pm
i am what pitchers from other teams need against the cubs
Todd Hollandsworth
on May 26, 2005 at 2:58 pm
I got a hit two days ago!
Wendell Kim
on May 26, 2005 at 2:59 pm
Hollandsworth should have gone first to third there. He would only have been out by 45 feet.
Ron Santo
on May 26, 2005 at 2:59 pm
I constantly bring up my one lucid point during games–that the deeper you go in the count, the better your odds of getting YOUR pitch, as a hitter, to hit, but then I just act like a cute, fluffy when I’m actually interviewing Dusty before games, and never bother to grill him as to why his teams jumps at everything the opposing pitcher throws up there.
I am a complete waste of space.
Jerry Hairston
on May 26, 2005 at 2:59 pm
Is it time for me to pinch hit and bunt with two on and two out?
Jason Dubois
on May 26, 2005 at 3:00 pm
Get ready out there on Waveland. I’m about to hit you.
I’m not wasting my time on this bunch. I’m a busy girl. The Iowa Cubs have as good a chance of winning the NL Central as their parent club.
Andy
on May 26, 2005 at 3:03 pm
Do me a favor. While the Cubs are busy pulling off the impossible–back to back home losses to Houston and Colorado–take some time to send your questions for Len Kasper to askandy@desipio.com. He’s going to do an interview with us next week and I’ll use some Intrepid Reader questions.
That is all.
Ballhawks on Waveland
on May 26, 2005 at 3:03 pm
Well….we’re wating.
Carlos Zambrano
on May 26, 2005 at 3:03 pm
I said: DON’T COME BACK INTO THIS DUGOUT!
Andy
on May 26, 2005 at 3:04 pm
MLB Gameday says Cliff Bartosh is pitching to Jason Dubois. I like Jason’s chances.
Albom
on May 26, 2005 at 3:04 pm
see? I told you! I have this gift of predicting sport events!! duboy actually striked..er grounded…aaah whatever
Jason Dubois
on May 26, 2005 at 3:04 pm
I’ll be out in a minute. To hit you.
I never said with what.
Preston Wilson
on May 26, 2005 at 3:07 pm
I get healthy now.
Aramis? Not so much.
BTW, aren’t I Jewish, too?
Dear Len,
on May 26, 2005 at 3:07 pm
I know you were talking about ear candles a couple of days ago. Do you think they could help clear out Dusty’s thougts about a badly arranged line-up, hopeless use of the bullpen, and the extreme overagressiveness which makes a pitcher with control problems like Jason Jennings look like Cy Young. If so, which orifice should Dusty insert the candle?
Joe Borowski
on May 26, 2005 at 3:08 pm
Who’s cereal did I piss in?
Sweaty Joe
on May 26, 2005 at 3:14 pm
All hail me!!
Mike D.
on May 26, 2005 at 3:16 pm
Seriously,
Why wouldn’t that brain-dead asshole Baker just throw JoBo out for the whole inning? He hasn’t pitched in 6 days. Time’s a slippin’ away, and you’d think that dumbass would recognize the urgency and try to figure out f Borowski’s back and can handle 8th inning duties for Dump Truck.
But no. I guess we’ll have to watch Wuertz blow a few more 8th inning leads before we reach that point, I guess.
Todd Walker
on May 26, 2005 at 3:18 pm
Did they teach me how to take pitches in Iowa?
Dusty Baker
on May 26, 2005 at 3:18 pm
Joe who?
Rally Time
on May 26, 2005 at 3:18 pm
Here i come
Harry Caray
on May 26, 2005 at 3:18 pm
Oh, for the long ball.
Jessica Carper
on May 26, 2005 at 3:18 pm
It’s me, the Rally Carp! I couldn’t stay away!
Go DLee!
Mr Walker
on May 26, 2005 at 3:19 pm
There’s a Walk in my name
morpheus
on May 26, 2005 at 3:19 pm
Wuertz is very effective… as long as you don’t pitch him on consecutive days. The only times he’s blown n 8th inning (oir 7th inning) lead is when he’s pitched 2 days in a row.
Dusty Baker
on May 26, 2005 at 3:20 pm
Don’t tell me how to manage, dude. God wants me here thru 06′, because I’m a winner, bro. Can’t be rushin’ JoBo out there anyway. Last thing dude needs is pressure, he just brought a baby into this world, man.
Jessica Carper
on May 26, 2005 at 3:21 pm
OK, c’mon Jeromy! Rally time with the Rally Carp!
Dusty Baker
on May 26, 2005 at 3:21 pm
Way to set an example D. Lee. Can’t have them bases clogged.
D Lee
on May 26, 2005 at 3:21 pm
Nice patience
Incredible how...
on May 26, 2005 at 3:21 pm
every NL pitcher and NL hitter have their best outing against the cubs
Jay Witasek
on May 26, 2005 at 3:21 pm
Wasn’t I the pitcher for the Angels in The Naked Gun?
Todd Hollandsworth
on May 26, 2005 at 3:21 pm
Lee needs a day off. I’ll play first!
morpheus
on May 26, 2005 at 3:21 pm
That’s right, you have to swing on the first pitch.
Earth
on May 26, 2005 at 3:22 pm
Welcome back, Derrek
Uncle Fester
on May 26, 2005 at 3:22 pm
Look, no double plays for me!
Jessica Carper
on May 26, 2005 at 3:23 pm
OK, if A-Ram is worth anything he’ll produce with the assistance of the Rally Carp!
Chip
on May 26, 2005 at 3:23 pm
Time for some two out magic
Derrek Lee
on May 26, 2005 at 3:23 pm
You know, my slump this week wouldn’t be so bad if ANYBODY else on this damn team could hit.
Eamus Catuli
on May 26, 2005 at 3:23 pm
Rockies Bullpen has a ERA of 5.84
But we’ll lower that for them
E-Ramis
on May 26, 2005 at 3:24 pm
Thanks for the $$$. I go to Ponderosa now.
Andy
on May 26, 2005 at 3:24 pm
First and second, nobody out. Three batters in a row cannot get the ball out of the infield.
Did I mention those guys bat third, fourth and fifth?
Corey Patterson
on May 26, 2005 at 3:25 pm
I don’t want to lead off the next inning, I want to come up 6th.
Joe
on May 26, 2005 at 3:26 pm
Mike D. I’m in baby!
My first pitch just landed in the left field stands.
CT
on May 26, 2005 at 3:26 pm
Is this stat right? Bartosh threw 11 pitches, 2 for strikes?
WGN Radio
on May 26, 2005 at 3:27 pm
Back just in time to hear the ball get smashed.
Nice production work, guys. Almost as bad as Cubs’ hitting this year.
Andrea Yates
on May 26, 2005 at 3:27 pm
I like to think of the Cubs as family.
JoBo
on May 26, 2005 at 3:27 pm
Is this BP? No. Oh shit.
WGN TV
on May 26, 2005 at 3:27 pm
Don’t worry, we missed it, too.
Neifi
on May 26, 2005 at 3:29 pm
Glad to contribute to his debacle. E-6.
The Cubs
on May 26, 2005 at 3:29 pm
Don’t we make you guys sick?
The Fans
on May 26, 2005 at 3:30 pm
Yes.
Michael Barrett
on May 26, 2005 at 3:31 pm
Look at my cannon!
Dave Spiwak
on May 26, 2005 at 3:31 pm
I was the pitcher in Naked Gun.
Jason Jennings
on May 26, 2005 at 3:31 pm
My ERA is now 6.37. Thanks guys. Can I pitch again on Sunday? I’d like to get it under 6 before we leave town.
TW
on May 26, 2005 at 3:32 pm
I was only kidding. Ugh…..
Andy
on May 26, 2005 at 3:33 pm
Joe’s gotten six outs this year, two of which have been picked out of the ivy.
Batting Practice
on May 26, 2005 at 3:34 pm
Hey sweaty Joe, I’m not scheduled again until tomorrow. Of course the Cubs coaching staff should be encouraging more of me, but they probably aren’t.
Your capitulation column lat year was somehting like: “It doesn’t even hurt anymore.”
What’s this years?
“No June Swoon”?
Likely Excuses For Today...
on May 26, 2005 at 3:36 pm
1. We are pressing…you know, trying too hard.
2. We are all scuffling, we’ll get hot at the same time.
3. Can’t catch a break.
4. Yet another shitty pitcher happend to have great stuff against us…again.
Patterson
on May 26, 2005 at 3:37 pm
Thanks, Bob Rosenberg, for your gift to me!
7
on May 26, 2005 at 3:37 pm
I am the number of outs that Borowski has this year.
I am also the highest number of pitches in an at-bat that a Cub batter saw today, and it only happened twice.
Carlos Zambrano
on May 26, 2005 at 3:38 pm
Did Don King leave town? I want to arrange a boxing match: Z vs.. um, EVERYBODY
I will keel them all!
Jerry Hairston Jr.
on May 26, 2005 at 3:38 pm
Is that a bunt sign I saw? No, can I bunt anyway?
CT
on May 26, 2005 at 3:38 pm
Excuses: you forgot to say “sometimes you’ve just got to tip your cap…”
Jose Macias
on May 26, 2005 at 3:39 pm
Not to fear, folks. I am here to save the day!
Jerry the Lesser
on May 26, 2005 at 3:39 pm
Damn, why didn’t they just hit me with a pitch, too? That’s my favorite way to get on base.
Carlos
on May 26, 2005 at 3:40 pm
I will kill you with my cement arm, Milt Rosenberg!
Gizmo
on May 26, 2005 at 3:40 pm
Oh shit.
mrpheus
on May 26, 2005 at 3:40 pm
So DustBag pinch-hit for Todd Hollandsworth? Why? He needs his reps, right?
Dewboy
on May 26, 2005 at 3:40 pm
Fucking Dusty.
Rally Carp
on May 26, 2005 at 3:40 pm
I am ineffective, but here goes nothing
The Swoon
on May 26, 2005 at 3:40 pm
When WAS the last time I happened in June?
Sorry I’ve been late the past few years guys – I’ll make it up to all of you and come early this year.
Last year was June. When LaTroy blew the game in St. Louis was the start of the Swoon. They’d have been in first. Instead, by the end of june they were what? 10 games out?
Your next game of any consequence
on May 26, 2005 at 3:43 pm
will be when these two teams play:
Jose Macias
on May 26, 2005 at 3:43 pm
That’s right morpheus, I’m killing you softly.
mrpheus
on May 26, 2005 at 3:43 pm
Chuck, what smart play?
CT
on May 26, 2005 at 3:43 pm
What was a smart play?
Luaren Hill
on May 26, 2005 at 3:44 pm
Me too.
Redskins
on May 26, 2005 at 3:45 pm
And we’ll win. Sorry.
Goddamn
on May 26, 2005 at 3:45 pm
Just start trading people. At least give us something kind of fun and interesting to talk about. This is tedious.
The 2005 Cubs
on May 26, 2005 at 3:47 pm
Need to be euthanized.
The Swoon
on May 26, 2005 at 3:48 pm
Oh, you’re right.
This WildCard shit confuses me … I’m only applicable to the Division Crown and not just the playoffs in general?
View From a Cubs Fan
on May 26, 2005 at 3:48 pm
Go to chicagosports and read me. I am even funnier this week.
Dusty Baker
on May 26, 2005 at 3:50 pm
hey dudes, bow down to your manager, bros
you can’t do anything ’bout it, dudes
game’s over? i’m going to the bank
see you dudes.. Lee Elia says Hi to everyone, dudes
Chip Caray
on May 26, 2005 at 3:52 pm
Honesty compels me to say that there wasn’t 2 out magic out there today, folks
morpheus
on May 26, 2005 at 3:53 pm
I bought my Fire Dusty T-Shirt from the GROTA guys… I will wear it with pride. Unbelievable performance today.
Ca-put
on May 26, 2005 at 3:53 pm
the season is me
Dusty Baker
on May 26, 2005 at 3:57 pm
I am a horrible manager, and just a downright worthless and annoying person. Fuck me.
Jason Jennings
on May 26, 2005 at 3:57 pm
I agree with Tuesday’s Dose. The Cubs are just one hitter away from being a contender in the division.
The Gladiator
on May 26, 2005 at 4:00 pm
Miss me yet, buddies?
The Farns
on May 26, 2005 at 4:01 pm
live from detroit, wishing you the worst season possible.
Cubs
on May 26, 2005 at 4:02 pm
No. But I bet Dusty misses having you around to blame for shit.
Intrepid Question
on May 26, 2005 at 4:02 pm
where was Enrique today when we needed him the most??
Hungry Hungry Hippo
on May 26, 2005 at 4:02 pm
Jason Jennings is me!
Jessica Carper
on May 26, 2005 at 4:03 pm
Enrique was at the chapel with me.
Enrique Wilson
on May 26, 2005 at 4:04 pm
I was helping to set up the buffet for Aramis.
Moises
on May 26, 2005 at 4:06 pm
I launched 2 yesterday.
Steve Stone
on May 26, 2005 at 4:10 pm
this is all due to Kerry’s poor mechanics, I’m so mad rigth now taht I’ll spare you this time of the now classic: “how’s the visibility?”
Question for Len kasper
on May 26, 2005 at 4:14 pm
can a manager be sent to 60-day DL?
Dusty
on May 26, 2005 at 4:17 pm
There are snitches in this clubhouse keeping us down. I can feel it, but I can only play the hand I was dealt.
BC
on May 26, 2005 at 4:17 pm
Only Dusty Baker could have a team with an offensive approach so brutally impatient that it makes the 7+ ERA, MLB leader in walks Jason Jennings look like Cy Young.
If I were the Cubs’ manager whomever swung at the first pitch today would be on the bench tomorrow. I would only be playing with three or four players, but the point would be made.
Barbara Hershey
on May 26, 2005 at 4:19 pm
Kiss me on the lip, BC.
Jim Hendry
on May 26, 2005 at 4:19 pm
I am happy with our team, as well as Dusty…so is Mr. McPhail. Especially as long as al you turds keep coming out to the park everday.
Mike D.
on May 26, 2005 at 4:19 pm
Good philosophy, BC. You realize that with the Cubs, you’d only have, like, 6 guys to play the field if you did that.
Someone...
on May 26, 2005 at 4:22 pm
has got to be made an example of. I don’t fucking care who either. No excuse to play this way at home, against these teams. Do something. Don’t sit there and act like you are ok with this.
Chico Carrasquel
on May 26, 2005 at 4:24 pm
I’m dead bitches! Just like the Cubs!
morpheus
on May 26, 2005 at 4:26 pm
Exactly, Someone. This team’s fundamental approach to the game is fatally flawed. It comes from the coaching staff. Fire Dusty, Gene Clines, and Larry Rothschild for a start.
Mickey Morandini
on May 26, 2005 at 4:28 pm
Hey guys, I’m very available!
opinion
on May 26, 2005 at 4:31 pm
you can debate one way or the other a lot of the things Dusty does. But today the game plan was PATHETIC, you can’t go swinging at the first pitch when the opposing pitcher leads the league in bases on balls. You can’t give them a 4 pitch inning. Dusty is responsible for this.
Mike D.
on May 26, 2005 at 4:36 pm
Contract aside, it’s not insane to can Baker less than two years after his team was one win from the World Series.
Jim Frey was fired June 13th, 1986, 1.5 years after he did the same thing–gag a 2-game series lead with 1 to clinch.
I think Dusty just has to go. Today. Send a message. In the next three weeks, look to deal anybody else that makes you better now and try to make a run for it. Keeping Dusty is waving the white flag. I don’t know how he did it for so long in SF, but he has been completely ineffectual.
Lee Elia
on May 26, 2005 at 4:44 pm
go back to work..be like the rest 85% of us.
Dusty
on May 26, 2005 at 4:50 pm
Some of these bad bounces and breaks will start going our way and we’ll heat up. All we can do is keep playing the way we’ve been playing, you can’t put a finger on why the wins aren’t coming. Holly will get hot and it’ll be kihn-tagious.
2 lineups that make sense
on May 26, 2005 at 4:54 pm
Will Dusty ever use either one of me???
Hairston
Walker
Lee
Burnitz
Ramirez
Patterson
Barrett
Perez
Walker
Barrett or Perez
Lee
Burnitz
Ramirez
Patterson
Dubois
Barrett or Perez
Dusty Baker
on May 26, 2005 at 6:51 pm
No way, dude. That lineup would clog up the bases way too badly.
Greg Kihn
on May 26, 2005 at 7:46 pm
Thanks for the shout-out, Dusty.
Let John McDonough know I’m available to do the 7th inning stretch. I’ve got loads of free time.
Joe Namath
on May 26, 2005 at 8:06 pm
I wanna kish you Barbara…
The Cubs
on May 26, 2005 at 8:09 pm
At least tonight, most of us admitted we are bad.
Neifi Perez and Todd Walker
on May 26, 2005 at 10:15 pm
According to Muskat’s game wrap-up, Dusty asked us try and take walks in the 8th. So what in god’s name was Neifi doing swinging at a 2-0 pitch in that inning? And how stupid are some of these guys that the manager has to specifically TELL them to take pitches before an at-bat (and one of them still doesn’t listen)? And how bad is the entire team that Dusty, of all people, is actually asking them to clog the bases? Gaah.
someone has a bad case of me right now. I am all over the side of the bowl and everything. Real runny stuff too, almost brown water, yikes…what did I eat earlier? A real gut wrenching evening is in store for my ass.
Carlos Lee
on May 27, 2005 at 2:58 am
My taco farts will make your case of the runs smell like roses. I am filthy, dirty, and I smell like poo.
What are the odds the dude with the 7-plus ERA holds the Cubs to 4 or less runs? Of course, with Z pitching, it probably won’t matter.
Considering that last year he won a 4-3 game against the Cubs and lowered his ERA below 10 in the process, I’d say pretty good.
http://chicago.cubs.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/news/wrapup.jsp?ymd=20040508&content_id=738995&vkey=wrapup2004&fext=.jsp&c_id=chc#box
I led off in that game and reached base three times. Too bad I’m too slow to be a good leadoff guy, though. Right Dustbag?
I see why I’d have Derrek Lee, Carlos and Prior… Why would I want to have Aramis Ramirez on me? Couldn’t Andy find a picture of Macias?
That’s me, not Aramis.
it’s me not Eramis, you insensitive clod. i’m so insulted… i’d better go sleep it off.
Whoever it is, he’s got some serious drumsticks.
So, now you can all say that I’m fawning over the upper thighs of males, but am disinterested in Eliza Dushku.
Hank’s a sleepy fella, but what are the other settings? hungry? confused? soothing?
1 Clint Barmes, SS
2 Desi Relaford, 2B
3 Todd Helton, 1B
4 Preston Wilson, CF
5 Brad Hawpe, RF
6 Matt Holliday, LF
7 Todd Greene, C
8 Garrett Atkins, 3B
9 Jason Jennings, P
1 Neifi Perez, SS
2 Todd Walker, 2B
3 Derrek Lee, 1B
4 Jeromy Burnitz, RF
5 Aramis Ramirez, 3B
6 Corey Patterson, CF
7 Todd Hollandsworth, LF
8 Michael Barrett, C
9 Carlos Zambrano, P
How about a making setting on the Hank White-O-Meter when it’s time to come see me?
Why aren’t either of us playing left field today?
Because Guys I’ve gotten 2 hits in just over a week.
Somebody start a trade rumor I can run with.
If I’m a stat that your leadoff hitter has, you’re in for a long day.
Seriously, what is Baker trying to prove with Hollandsworthless starting today?
To make a Trade. When did Houston get the Mole? Around this time, no?
Well, Hollandsworthless is 3-for-3 with 2 doubles lifetime against Jennings. That’s probably what Dustbag’s looking at. I mean, of course that’s enough at-bats to make a statistical inference from…
By the end of the day today, Milt Pappas will not be the last pitcher to throw a no-hitter for the Cubs.
Carlos! Is that you posting as “Fearless Prediction” on Desipio? Get off the computer… Doctor’s orders, remember?
Sadly, neither are we.
Larry! Keep your head down. The only way you stay employed is if you keep quiet!
Has anyone heard from my brother??
I do excel at coming off the bench, but even Dusty knows that i need one start a week to stay sharp. This is that start. Just relax, i’ll be back on the pine tomorrow.
For once Dusty is doing the right thing. He looked at the series and picked the pitcher i had the most success with. It’s called putting your player in a position to succeed…
I’m not running well enough to lead off, but I can bat second?
Huh?
They don’t make pants baggy enough to hide my fat ass.
Yeah, putting your players in a position they can success in. Like he did with me for most of last season and the beginning of this one, right?
CUBS HAVE TO BE AT ME (3-1 VS ROCKIES) OR ABOVE ME (4-0 VS ROCKIES) BY SUNDAY OR FORGET ABOUT THE SEASON
You don’t need to use me here. Everyone can read. Step away from the keyboard, nice and slow.
I believe this means, ‘I can’t get anyone out.. and Walk needs a place on the roster”
…Brave!!!
I’m glad Dubois isn’t starting.
The Rockies will get as many hits today as I do.
Sorry LaTroy, there’s not a position you can “success” in. Dude
You no hit me Todd, I hit you!
I had flu-like symptoms yesterday. I looked at my numbers on the year and crapped my pants.
My reign at leadoff is about to begin! I’m going 5-5 today with 11 stolen bases!
Like I said, 4-5 with 9 stolen bases!
Maybe I was a little too anxious to leave Iowa?
Way to work the count, dudes
Wow, Cubs hitters are patient today. An 8-pitch first inning for Jennings.
Donuts!!!
Where?!?
Without Coors Field, I’m pretty average.
…three 3-1 putouts.
I luv when Big Z pitches. i’m flashing faster than ever.
MLB Gameday, that means internet is near. I hear voices in my head telling me not to accept cookies from you while I pitch. I keel you Todd Helton.
Those are 1-3 putouts, right?
Isn’t every inning I pitch a BIG one.
Correct
No, three first base (3) to the pitcher (1). We’ve also had a 1-3.
I’m pitiful….
I’m going to accept cookies while I pitch!
Unless I’m on my cell at own mom’s funeral, I think those trade rumors can quiet down for a while.
I can bunt…ok, not really, but this time…
That “bunt-for-a-hit” thing?
Works much better when we’re downa run in the 8th. But the 8th inning is when I’m REALLY swingin’ from my ass.
Thanks for the $$$, I go to IHOP now.
I went:
3-1
1-3
3-u
Why do I act like a leadoff hitter when I hit 6th, and a 6th hitter when I hit leadoff?
i must be broken again. . .it says korey got a BUNT SINGLE?
How many times have I popped out weakly to the left side? I am horrible when I start.
Wow, a pop-up from Hollandsworth… haven’t seen that before.
Is Brenley pissed off that Corey broke up Jennings no-hitter with a bunt single?
I am half British, half minotaur.
No, but I am.
Bottom 1st
3-1
3-1
8
Top second
3-1
I think that was the point.
Is my brother pitching today?
I just kicked the bucket. Did Ozzie Guillen have me in the death pool, that Venezueland f$#@!
If you’re scoring at home. Congratulations.
OK. Thanks for all the 1-3 and 3-1 updates. I get it now.
Who is Chico Carrasquel? I feel like I should know that name…
Got it.
Chico Carrasquel is a Venezuelan f#$%.
I’m dirt surfing.
I’m still alive, bitches!
Breathing been very, very good to me.
Looks like I may need 145 pitches to close this one out today
There is only one Chico. I will always be fighting the man. Siempre.
Looks like I got the first hit of the game for both teams.
Yeah, he’s a good fielder.
Fucker.
I’m also a dead Chico
Remember when I at least had my defense to fall back on?
Good times.
And if you’re scoring at work…even more impressive.
In my book of Chico’s Freddie Prinze, Sr. is number one with a bullet.
Oh, that’s a poor choice of words.
That’s gotta be at least 5 plays I can think of in the last 2 seasons that Kor E-8 has had an error on that the official scorer gave him a pass.
Anyone see where The Rally Fisch is?
Instead of actually, you know, calling Patterson out for regressing defensively, I’ll just rest my legless ass back on the ole’ “This is what happens witha 2-out walk” bullshit.
Is the threat over? Can I have my pudding and a nap?
i don’t want to slow down
I’m not good today
Gameday still hasn’t told us… what happened?
OK, I’m a moran
That’s a single and an error. No way the runner scores if Corey doesn’t kick it.
But for $125 a game, who has time to actually pay attention?
Don’t look at me.
They always get worse under me. Lawnmower’s no exception.
Wait until I get my hands on the Valdez kid.
What happened?
I’ve got all I need…this one’s in the bag.
Who called for me?
CT, if I’m scoring at work, put a bullet in my head.
two-out single to right center by Desi Arnaz.
Patterson somehow managed to “overrun” the ball and let it sloppily bounce off his body. Barmes was able to scoot home because of it but, because Bob Rosenberg has a thing for 5′ 10″ nonchalant centerfielders who strut around and “look” cool, Patterson was not charged with the rightful error.
Ugly secretaries, Dave?
Thanks Mike… much appreciated!
I love scoring at work!
All married, only a couple decent ones. Even so, it’s still not good policy to have sex in a prison.
I shoulda been taking more BP
Aramis just ate 11 of me in the clubhouse.
Maybe Rosey’s getting a “Lassard” from inside his podium via the Rally Fisch as arranged by Kor E-8.
I wouldn’t have caught that ball by Zambrano because, you know, it was an important situation.
Only fugitive sex beats conjugal visit sex.
Thanks Mike
I guess Jennings leads the league in walks. That’s why the Cubs are so ‘patient’ today…
Kor E-8, I’m sure you catch that ball 11 out of 10 times.
Why do the Cubs even bother getting me, I never come around to score.
Newest gravesite:
Okay, I rarely come around to score.
Chuck, most center fielders wouldn’t even get to that ball.
Most guys would have jogged up and let it come to a stop. I busted my butt to get to that.
Phew! I did that without the Rally Carp!
The buffet here is even better than the one at Coors. That’s why I enjoy pitching here so much.
Gas!!!
George Costnaza wouldn’t say that if he saw the women we had incarcerated here.
Thru 4 innings.
We crose doors when we see Jason Jennings and Alamis Lemilez warking up.
Nobody’s on base? Okay, I get a single.
Please trade me.
E-Ramis got a hit! My fantasy team is saved!
itchy ass, smelly finger
It’s very important to work the count when you have the pitcher who leads the league in walks pitching against you. Right Corey?
Bring me back, bitches!
4 pitch inning for me…wow the Cubs are fucking terrible.
Man who go to bed with itchy butt, wake up with smelly fingers.
A loss today and the bagpipes warm up for Dusty.
Rickey can be on the first plane to O’Hare to liven up your offense like only Rickey can.
Rickey’s only a 4 hour plane trip away. Rickey won’t cost you Felix Pie
I see nothing wrong with this offense.
Keel…Keel…Fastball…Keel…Internet…Internet…Internet…Keel
He who fart in church sit in own pew.
You know, when you don’t have an offense, the games go by really quickly.
Man who fart in church, sit in own pew….
Well Jim, obviously I did.
Our offense hasn’t perfected the 3-and-out like the Cubs have.
You think you seen bad defense in the outfield? Wait until you Rickey! Rickey can still run, but Rickey can’t catch or throw. Rickey can still steal bases and get walks, but Rickey can’t hit no more. Rickey is available for a price, though.
See, I got that one.
you like to eat good, go to chinese buffet, take it from me, chinese buffet owner,
eeh…no..from me, Alamis Lamilez
Is just proof that this team is worth shit, from the braintrust all the way down to the Gremlin.
Zambrano– 78–and counting–in 3 1/3
Fat Jason (who leads the league in walks)– 41 through 3.
Dusty Baker should be raped and killed. And then raped again, for good measure.
Hey Jim,
Chuck Lemar here, GM of the Devil Rays. I hear you lost your mother. Condolences on that. I’m sure she was a lovely woman. Hey, did she have 10-5 rights? Because if she didn’t, I still have the rights to Fred McGriff and I’ll trade you straight up, your hard as a carp mother for a stiff who stands around near first.
Call me back.
Oh, and if you want Aubrey Huff I want Prior, Lee, the Panozzo and part ownership in Sluggers.
Thanks.
Desipio is written by idiots, for idiots
The Cubs were built by idiots for idiots
I have half a burrito in my pocket at all times.
Uh, I think it’s the 4th inning.
Sorry, that should be “I think they’ve played 4 innings”.
We are an awesome road team? I mean, we are an awesome road team!
A visit to the Friendly Confines is enough to cure what ails any poor road team.
hey guys, don’t you worry, the cubs sweep this series, I just put it in my paper here in detroit… sunday’s game is unbelievable, wait to you see it, i already did.
I was groaning–you know, because I don’t know what the fuck’s going on and I have no respect for the broadcast–during that double-steal, even though it was in our favor.
we are killers
Mitch Albom made his living by churning out me.
You’re next, Albom.
these tools lose the next couple, you unload and bring up the kids to let em’ get some experience. Chuck LeMar will probably want Zambrano, and two top tier prospects, fo Huff alone. We’ll get more for next season if Hendry unloads some guys. This team was as dead as his mom, from the start of the season.
I thought I was supposed to win the MVP this year. Gammons, you jinxed me you fag.
No, this is what Albom churns out. Even Tuesdays with Morrie is mostly fiction.
If we all weren’t all co-opted by the Cubs (not to mention that we don’t really watch the game anyway–ESPECIALLY when they throw pot stickers in the buffet), today’s first question to Dusty would be:
“Was your team aware that Jason Jennings had led the league in walks this season?”
I am the number of walks that the Cubs have allowed Jason Jennings to force-feed them.
Is at the game and he overheard some know it all say that”Jennings has wicked stuff, he can be unhittable at times” Wow, sounds like a Steve Stone fan.
While our schedule says we are supposed to be headed to Los Angeles Monday, a better destination would be here:
Dudes, I don’t want the bases clogged up for my base stealer, who wants to hit in the 6 hole.
this is all because of kerry wood’s failure with his mechanics, and by the way, How’s the visibility?
My ERA just slipped under seven! You guys are the greatest!
What’s wrong, Nomar? I picked Kerry Wood to win the Cy in 2004!
How sad is it that we’re too the point where if the Milwaukee Brewers offered to trade their entire team for our entire team…it’d make us better?
And I love adding ‘o’s to too.
We are adding 0’s to ours
Good News, Andy! The Brewers didn’t offer me their entire team, but they thought our team was worth this guy:
We just can’t catch a break Pat. Maybe it’s because I’m a botard.
This upcoming bottom of the sixth could be one of the most important innings of the year.
And I picked the Cubs to lose to the Twins in the Series. I am so gay.
Why are we in the fucking radio booth?
Does the Tribune Co. hate Cubs fans?
What’s the point. The fact that we don’t have 10 runs in already tells me how bad we suck. They gone.
Are still not as annoying as Santo when the Cubs are sucky.
Actually, for all of us radio listeners, even though we’re losing and our heart of the order’s up, the quick inning would be appreciated, thanks to the presence of Kathy & Judy.
We have a heart?
Is Carlos going to reach me this inning?
You think that fucktard Baker can get me in the friggin game today?
And why wasn’t I pitching in the 8th last night?
Yeah, it’s a brain that you lack.
I’ve posted 3 times here at Desipio this season, the 3 to tell you that the Cubs suck me, big time.
Haven’t we been violated today during the 7th inning stretch?
Wow.
Z has thrown 110 pitches, 64 for strikes.
Hey Borowski–
For the same reason I’m not leading off. Because Baker’s a moran of the first order.
why don’t you hit someone with a pitch, so everybody can get rid of their frustations with a big time brawl?
Oh, and Jennings’s ERA is currently at 6.48, down from 7.05 at the beginning of the game. Nice job Cubbies!
If you @#$%heads don’t get 3 runs in this inning, don’t bother coming back to the dugout. I’ll keell the entire bunch of you.
How about a 3 pitch inn?
We only hit closers.
Hurray!
See? A walk.
The Cubs can still make a run at it, er…um…who am I kidding? I am just trying to save face for my idiot predictions.
We figured we were a lock to donate 10 large today. You schmucks have saved us a bundle.
And cost a bunch of kids money out-of-pocket for insulin.
At least Hollandsworth found some way to get on base. God knows he’s not going to get a hit.
i am what pitchers from other teams need against the cubs
I got a hit two days ago!
Hollandsworth should have gone first to third there. He would only have been out by 45 feet.
I constantly bring up my one lucid point during games–that the deeper you go in the count, the better your odds of getting YOUR pitch, as a hitter, to hit, but then I just act like a cute, fluffy when I’m actually interviewing Dusty before games, and never bother to grill him as to why his teams jumps at everything the opposing pitcher throws up there.
I am a complete waste of space.
Is it time for me to pinch hit and bunt with two on and two out?
Get ready out there on Waveland. I’m about to hit you.
Cue the rally carp?
I am what Zambrano shouldn’t see today
duboy is going to strike out. I saw it already.
Or, perhaps not.
At least jason didn’t strike out.
I’m not wasting my time on this bunch. I’m a busy girl. The Iowa Cubs have as good a chance of winning the NL Central as their parent club.
Do me a favor. While the Cubs are busy pulling off the impossible–back to back home losses to Houston and Colorado–take some time to send your questions for Len Kasper to askandy@desipio.com. He’s going to do an interview with us next week and I’ll use some Intrepid Reader questions.
That is all.
Well….we’re wating.
I said: DON’T COME BACK INTO THIS DUGOUT!
MLB Gameday says Cliff Bartosh is pitching to Jason Dubois. I like Jason’s chances.
see? I told you! I have this gift of predicting sport events!! duboy actually striked..er grounded…aaah whatever
I’ll be out in a minute. To hit you.
I never said with what.
I get healthy now.
Aramis? Not so much.
BTW, aren’t I Jewish, too?
I know you were talking about ear candles a couple of days ago. Do you think they could help clear out Dusty’s thougts about a badly arranged line-up, hopeless use of the bullpen, and the extreme overagressiveness which makes a pitcher with control problems like Jason Jennings look like Cy Young. If so, which orifice should Dusty insert the candle?
Who’s cereal did I piss in?
All hail me!!
Seriously,
Why wouldn’t that brain-dead asshole Baker just throw JoBo out for the whole inning? He hasn’t pitched in 6 days. Time’s a slippin’ away, and you’d think that dumbass would recognize the urgency and try to figure out f Borowski’s back and can handle 8th inning duties for Dump Truck.
But no. I guess we’ll have to watch Wuertz blow a few more 8th inning leads before we reach that point, I guess.
Did they teach me how to take pitches in Iowa?
Joe who?
Here i come
Oh, for the long ball.
It’s me, the Rally Carp! I couldn’t stay away!
Go DLee!
There’s a Walk in my name
Wuertz is very effective… as long as you don’t pitch him on consecutive days. The only times he’s blown n 8th inning (oir 7th inning) lead is when he’s pitched 2 days in a row.
Don’t tell me how to manage, dude. God wants me here thru 06′, because I’m a winner, bro. Can’t be rushin’ JoBo out there anyway. Last thing dude needs is pressure, he just brought a baby into this world, man.
OK, c’mon Jeromy! Rally time with the Rally Carp!
Way to set an example D. Lee. Can’t have them bases clogged.
Nice patience
every NL pitcher and NL hitter have their best outing against the cubs
Wasn’t I the pitcher for the Angels in The Naked Gun?
Lee needs a day off. I’ll play first!
That’s right, you have to swing on the first pitch.
Welcome back, Derrek
Look, no double plays for me!
OK, if A-Ram is worth anything he’ll produce with the assistance of the Rally Carp!
Time for some two out magic
You know, my slump this week wouldn’t be so bad if ANYBODY else on this damn team could hit.
Rockies Bullpen has a ERA of 5.84
But we’ll lower that for them
Thanks for the $$$. I go to Ponderosa now.
First and second, nobody out. Three batters in a row cannot get the ball out of the infield.
Did I mention those guys bat third, fourth and fifth?
I don’t want to lead off the next inning, I want to come up 6th.
Mike D. I’m in baby!
My first pitch just landed in the left field stands.
Is this stat right? Bartosh threw 11 pitches, 2 for strikes?
Back just in time to hear the ball get smashed.
Nice production work, guys. Almost as bad as Cubs’ hitting this year.
I like to think of the Cubs as family.
Is this BP? No. Oh shit.
Don’t worry, we missed it, too.
Glad to contribute to his debacle. E-6.
Don’t we make you guys sick?
Yes.
Look at my cannon!
I was the pitcher in Naked Gun.
My ERA is now 6.37. Thanks guys. Can I pitch again on Sunday? I’d like to get it under 6 before we leave town.
I was only kidding. Ugh…..
Joe’s gotten six outs this year, two of which have been picked out of the ivy.
Hey sweaty Joe, I’m not scheduled again until tomorrow. Of course the Cubs coaching staff should be encouraging more of me, but they probably aren’t.
7 outs.
Andy:
Your capitulation column lat year was somehting like: “It doesn’t even hurt anymore.”
What’s this years?
“No June Swoon”?
1. We are pressing…you know, trying too hard.
2. We are all scuffling, we’ll get hot at the same time.
3. Can’t catch a break.
4. Yet another shitty pitcher happend to have great stuff against us…again.
Thanks, Bob Rosenberg, for your gift to me!
I am the number of outs that Borowski has this year.
I am also the highest number of pitches in an at-bat that a Cub batter saw today, and it only happened twice.
Did Don King leave town? I want to arrange a boxing match: Z vs.. um, EVERYBODY
I will keel them all!
Is that a bunt sign I saw? No, can I bunt anyway?
Excuses: you forgot to say “sometimes you’ve just got to tip your cap…”
Not to fear, folks. I am here to save the day!
Damn, why didn’t they just hit me with a pitch, too? That’s my favorite way to get on base.
I will kill you with my cement arm, Milt Rosenberg!
Oh shit.
So DustBag pinch-hit for Todd Hollandsworth? Why? He needs his reps, right?
Fucking Dusty.
I am ineffective, but here goes nothing
When WAS the last time I happened in June?
Sorry I’ve been late the past few years guys – I’ll make it up to all of you and come early this year.
And the recap of today’s game is brought to you…by….
….
…CHRIST! I can’t find it…..the HELL with it!!
This is where it’s good to have me lead off and get the extra AB.
Last year was June. When LaTroy blew the game in St. Louis was the start of the Swoon. They’d have been in first. Instead, by the end of june they were what? 10 games out?
I don’t know how many times I’ve read the words,
“Jose Macias grounds out softly to…”
on MLB Gamedays this year.
Actually a smart play.
will be when these two teams play:
That’s right morpheus, I’m killing you softly.
Chuck, what smart play?
What was a smart play?
Me too.
And we’ll win. Sorry.
Just start trading people. At least give us something kind of fun and interesting to talk about. This is tedious.
Need to be euthanized.
Oh, you’re right.
This WildCard shit confuses me … I’m only applicable to the Division Crown and not just the playoffs in general?
Go to chicagosports and read me. I am even funnier this week.
hey dudes, bow down to your manager, bros
you can’t do anything ’bout it, dudes
game’s over? i’m going to the bank
see you dudes.. Lee Elia says Hi to everyone, dudes
Honesty compels me to say that there wasn’t 2 out magic out there today, folks
I bought my Fire Dusty T-Shirt from the GROTA guys… I will wear it with pride. Unbelievable performance today.
the season is me
I am a horrible manager, and just a downright worthless and annoying person. Fuck me.
I agree with Tuesday’s Dose. The Cubs are just one hitter away from being a contender in the division.
Miss me yet, buddies?
live from detroit, wishing you the worst season possible.
No. But I bet Dusty misses having you around to blame for shit.
where was Enrique today when we needed him the most??
Jason Jennings is me!
Enrique was at the chapel with me.
I was helping to set up the buffet for Aramis.
I launched 2 yesterday.
this is all due to Kerry’s poor mechanics, I’m so mad rigth now taht I’ll spare you this time of the now classic: “how’s the visibility?”
can a manager be sent to 60-day DL?
There are snitches in this clubhouse keeping us down. I can feel it, but I can only play the hand I was dealt.
Only Dusty Baker could have a team with an offensive approach so brutally impatient that it makes the 7+ ERA, MLB leader in walks Jason Jennings look like Cy Young.
If I were the Cubs’ manager whomever swung at the first pitch today would be on the bench tomorrow. I would only be playing with three or four players, but the point would be made.
Kiss me on the lip, BC.
I am happy with our team, as well as Dusty…so is Mr. McPhail. Especially as long as al you turds keep coming out to the park everday.
Good philosophy, BC. You realize that with the Cubs, you’d only have, like, 6 guys to play the field if you did that.
has got to be made an example of. I don’t fucking care who either. No excuse to play this way at home, against these teams. Do something. Don’t sit there and act like you are ok with this.
I’m dead bitches! Just like the Cubs!
Exactly, Someone. This team’s fundamental approach to the game is fatally flawed. It comes from the coaching staff. Fire Dusty, Gene Clines, and Larry Rothschild for a start.
Hey guys, I’m very available!
you can debate one way or the other a lot of the things Dusty does. But today the game plan was PATHETIC, you can’t go swinging at the first pitch when the opposing pitcher leads the league in bases on balls. You can’t give them a 4 pitch inning. Dusty is responsible for this.
Contract aside, it’s not insane to can Baker less than two years after his team was one win from the World Series.
Jim Frey was fired June 13th, 1986, 1.5 years after he did the same thing–gag a 2-game series lead with 1 to clinch.
I think Dusty just has to go. Today. Send a message. In the next three weeks, look to deal anybody else that makes you better now and try to make a run for it. Keeping Dusty is waving the white flag. I don’t know how he did it for so long in SF, but he has been completely ineffectual.
go back to work..be like the rest 85% of us.
Some of these bad bounces and breaks will start going our way and we’ll heat up. All we can do is keep playing the way we’ve been playing, you can’t put a finger on why the wins aren’t coming. Holly will get hot and it’ll be kihn-tagious.
Will Dusty ever use either one of me???
Hairston
Walker
Lee
Burnitz
Ramirez
Patterson
Barrett
Perez
Walker
Barrett or Perez
Lee
Burnitz
Ramirez
Patterson
Dubois
Barrett or Perez
No way, dude. That lineup would clog up the bases way too badly.
Thanks for the shout-out, Dusty.
Let John McDonough know I’m available to do the 7th inning stretch. I’ve got loads of free time.
I wanna kish you Barbara…
At least tonight, most of us admitted we are bad.
According to Muskat’s game wrap-up, Dusty asked us try and take walks in the 8th. So what in god’s name was Neifi doing swinging at a 2-0 pitch in that inning? And how stupid are some of these guys that the manager has to specifically TELL them to take pitches before an at-bat (and one of them still doesn’t listen)? And how bad is the entire team that Dusty, of all people, is actually asking them to clog the bases? Gaah.
Looks like another 9-inning outing for me tomorrow because we must get the win at all costs.
I’m getting swollen with anger!
someone has a bad case of me right now. I am all over the side of the bowl and everything. Real runny stuff too, almost brown water, yikes…what did I eat earlier? A real gut wrenching evening is in store for my ass.
My taco farts will make your case of the runs smell like roses. I am filthy, dirty, and I smell like poo.