Cubs: Glendon Rusch, 5-3, 2.89 ERA
Mil: Ben Sheets, 3-6, 3.19
278 Comments
Mike D.
on June 23, 2005 at 9:57 am
What’s the Over/Under on the worst 1-2 lineup in the history of human beings?
1-9? 2-10? 0-10?
Dusty Baker is a tool. He almost seems to go out of his way to defy convention.
RD
on June 23, 2005 at 10:02 am
What really gets me is the Cubs utter inability over the past couple of years to ever capitilize on Cardinals losses. It’s like every single time the Cards lose, the Cubs lose.
Dusty Baker
on June 23, 2005 at 10:13 am
Can’t play by no book, dudes. Gotta shake things up, man.
Larry Rothchild
on June 23, 2005 at 10:20 am
Now that I’ve screwed up Wood, Prior, and hopefully Zambrano, I can set my sights on Rusch and this young guy Hill.
Maybe I’ll go wake Dusty up and see if we can pitch Hill again to day aand then start him on Sunday too.
Tony
on June 23, 2005 at 10:21 am
Going to Wrigley North to battle with all those crazed Brewers fans, it should be an all out wa- ahh who am I kidding, they pretty much concede the play to Cubs fans when they are in town
Don Cooper
on June 23, 2005 at 10:28 am
Hey Larry, let em’ pitch every day, the games are only 5 innings long.
Pitching Coach
on June 23, 2005 at 10:47 am
The name is Rothschild, Rothschild I say. Don’t short me my S, you Ass Bag!
Ray Killen
on June 23, 2005 at 10:48 am
I gots me 60 years fo killin dem dogooders.
Larry Rothschild
on June 23, 2005 at 10:52 am
That’s Mr Ass Bag to you jerk off!!!!!
red-billed cubs hat
on June 23, 2005 at 10:58 am
my balls itch
Dick Pole
on June 23, 2005 at 10:58 am
I thought I was Mr. Ass. I do have the biggest one.
Dusty Tool
on June 23, 2005 at 11:19 am
Isn’t this an oxymoran? If one is a tool, one is just doing the usual, rote function. However, you say Dusty goes out of his way to defy convention. He’s not a tool; he’s a fool.
OK, since Dusty doesn’t find the need to piece together a real lineup, and since he’s apparently allowed Corey Patterson to write out the lineup card, I’m going to have to go into overdrive.
Ben Grieve has turned his eyes to the Rally Yak, and good for him. He’s going to have a nice career in Des Moines. Me, I have bigger fish to fry (pardon the pun), so I am focusing all my powers on the visiting team dugout in Miller Park this afternoon.
Derrek Lee will be up around .410 by the All-Star Break, and the Cubs will have a 10-game winning streak by the Fourth of July. Gooooo Rally Carp!
Pay no attention to us, we have no business at the top of the order. We just hit a shitload of line drives, and bat .300, that’s all.
Dusty Baker
on June 23, 2005 at 12:45 pm
Yo, they are Australian chewing sticks, man. Get it right. I get these things at Whole Foods, dude. They got tea tree in them, eases the mind, and calms the nerves…cool like Miles Davis, bro.
At what point do we officially start to worry about Big Z? Because a couple of wins in the past month by him would have done a whole lot for our mental outlook.
This lead off thing really isn’t that different from anything else I’ve tried. And I’m really able to help the team at the top of the order. Maybe now people will get off my back!
Korey
on June 23, 2005 at 1:11 pm
Dusty, I want to bat lead- off so I can get my strikeouts over with. You always say, don’t clog the bases.
DLEE
on June 23, 2005 at 1:11 pm
MVP, Bitches!
Re: A WIN TODAY
on June 23, 2005 at 1:11 pm
You couldn’t tell most of these folk here at Desipio that, with our incessant clamoring that the season’s over and the Cubs are already dead.
Glendon Lendin' (a hand) Capital G Lend-on!
on June 23, 2005 at 1:29 pm
I can’t decide if I’m really this good of if I’m just fucking with you.
Glendon Lendin' (a hand) Capital G Lend-on!
on June 23, 2005 at 1:29 pm
OR if…
Derrek Lee
on June 23, 2005 at 1:30 pm
Let’s see here, for some reaon, the two guys batting in front of me have the lowest OPB in our lineup. Maybe Dusty should bat Rich Hill in the leadoff spot.
Man, Magruder, Moeller, and the pitcher’s spot. If this 7-8-9 beats us today, we’re in trouble.
Does anybody else wonder why Blanco didn’t catch Z last night? Barrett catching four days in a row in June doesn’t make much sense, unless he’s gonna DH a game or two in the Sox series.
Dave, I’m pretty sure that Blanco caught Maddux on Monday.
CT
on June 23, 2005 at 1:35 pm
Dave, I’m pretty sure that Blanco caught Maddux’s start on Monday.
CT
on June 23, 2005 at 1:36 pm
…which would make tomorrow the 4th day in a row for Barrett. Never mind.
Korey
on June 23, 2005 at 1:42 pm
2 for 2!
Korey
on June 23, 2005 at 1:42 pm
Actually, I said, “I want to be your strikeout leader”…not “I want to be your leadoff hitter” I was in a bad reception area. Did you like my swing there…I don’t have a fucking clue.
I hope Geoff Jenkins brought that golden sombrero to the ball park today. I’m well on my way to stealing it back.
Korey
on June 23, 2005 at 1:44 pm
I’m trying to get my BB/K ratio up to 1:6.
Korey
on June 23, 2005 at 1:45 pm
It’s a historic day for me.. I’ve gotten my 500th and 501st stike outs for my career..Thats an automatic trip to Cooperstown isn’t it?
8 pitches
on June 23, 2005 at 1:45 pm
… brought to you by Korey and Neifi… the 8 pitch inning…
K-Pat
on June 23, 2005 at 1:45 pm
I DONT HAVE A CLUE
IM SICK OF MYSELF
TRADE ME FOR 2 BUD LIGHTS AND A BAG OF TOSTITOS
Dave B
on June 23, 2005 at 1:46 pm
Sorry CT, I missed Monday’s game. I had nearly six hours of awful high school baseball to umpire. I’m still recovering.
Jim Hendry
on June 23, 2005 at 1:47 pm
Dammit Korey, Just go on a hot streak.
Do it long enough to raise your trade value, that’s all we ask.
We don’t want you to lead off, we just were hoping you could fool some other teams into thinking you are a good leadoff hitter.
Dusty
on June 23, 2005 at 1:48 pm
I don’t have a brain
Glendon
on June 23, 2005 at 1:49 pm
I am a complete chicken shit. No way I’m going to even come close to throwing Carlos Lee a strike….
But wouldn’t he look nice in LF for us?
CT
on June 23, 2005 at 1:52 pm
Glendon, after what he did last night, I don’t care if any of our pitchers ever throws the guy a strike.
Mike Maddux's Mustashe
on June 23, 2005 at 1:52 pm
I can absorb up to 3 gallons of pine tar.
Rickie Weeks
on June 23, 2005 at 1:54 pm
I have seen more pitches than all 3 of the Cubs batters this inning.
BC
on June 23, 2005 at 1:56 pm
All right, we need to make a Korey-O-Meter, keeping track of his on-base percentage… Maybe if Dusty sees it in the stands he’ll actually see how bad Korey’s OBP is and move him down in the order.
(Huge grasping for straws…)
Rex Grossman
on June 23, 2005 at 1:56 pm
Well, I guess I’d better start playing a lot of Madden then.
Translation
on June 23, 2005 at 1:57 pm
Moeller is Blanco in English
Todd Wellemeyer
on June 23, 2005 at 1:58 pm
Guess I’d better start warming up. At this rate, I might be needed for 2 or 3 innings of work.
Derrek Lee
on June 23, 2005 at 1:58 pm
So I’ve got lead off another inning? *sigh*
D Lee
on June 23, 2005 at 1:58 pm
I am the Black Jesus.
DLEE
on June 23, 2005 at 1:58 pm
MVP again, suckers. I will carry this team to the playoffs if it kills me.
Uh, in what context did Bob give Mike Krukow a shoutout? I remember him from old baseball cards (I started collecting them in 1979 so you can see why) but I haven’t heard of him in years.
Carlos Lee
on June 23, 2005 at 2:20 pm
Your move Derek.
Carlos Lee
on June 23, 2005 at 2:20 pm
Someone needs to drill me with a pitch. Now.
Corey Patterson
on June 23, 2005 at 2:21 pm
I’m a stud. You see, because I lead off, the Cubs scored 3 runs so far.
CT
on June 23, 2005 at 2:21 pm
I told you not to throw that guy a strike…
C Lee
on June 23, 2005 at 2:21 pm
The cubs are such pussies, they don’t even bother trying to ever come inside on me. I own them.
JoeBo
on June 23, 2005 at 2:22 pm
Hey, maybe I could throw at him? I’m going to be DFA’ed soon anyway…
Bob Brenley
on June 23, 2005 at 2:23 pm
I used to be Mike Krukow’s “valet Catcher.”
By the way, did you guys notice that Derrek Lee and Carlos Lee have the same last name. I bet we could make some clever fodder about that.
Midas
on June 23, 2005 at 2:23 pm
hey glendon, buddy, if your leaking oil, time to come to me
CT
on June 23, 2005 at 2:23 pm
Anybody watching the game? According to Yahoo, Rusch is giving up a lot of deep fly balls. Are these guys just missing gopher balls or what?
red-billed cubs hat
on June 23, 2005 at 2:24 pm
I look like a clown.
Neifi!
on June 23, 2005 at 2:25 pm
Look out K-orey, here I come…
Chip Carey
on June 23, 2005 at 2:25 pm
hey kids. Who has the LEE-d?
Derrek Lee
on June 23, 2005 at 2:25 pm
Maybe I should lead off. 3-for-3, .396
Derrek
on June 23, 2005 at 2:26 pm
This baseball shit is easy.
Glendon
on June 23, 2005 at 2:26 pm
See what happens when they tell me to throw a strike to Carlos?
Crap
Ted Williams
on June 23, 2005 at 2:28 pm
I know I have other problems, like freezing my head off in fucking Arizona, but should I start to worry yet?
.398
on June 23, 2005 at 2:30 pm
I will be D Lee’s average if he gets a hit his next at bat.
CT
on June 23, 2005 at 2:30 pm
Ted, considering Lee’s numbers are actually getting better instead of tapering off, yes, you should worry.
Don King
on June 23, 2005 at 2:32 pm
forget about that tyson guy and that klitshco dude.
I want a pay per view: Lee vs Lee
only in America, only in america, dudes
Aramis
on June 23, 2005 at 2:35 pm
lately I’ve been Aramis, before I was Ara-miss
Carlos Zambrano
on June 23, 2005 at 2:35 pm
Don,
If you’re scheduling a fight, I want in on the undercard. The pitching thing’s not working so good, so I must keel someone. How about CB Bucknor vs. Carlos Zambrano? How about Jim Edmonds? Lassie vs. the Z? I must keel someone. Give me someone to keel today please.
Flannel Boy
on June 23, 2005 at 2:35 pm
I don’t have the slightest idea what I’m talking about…
I can be allocated far better than subscribing to ESPN to read Neyer’s columns.
Dave B
on June 23, 2005 at 2:37 pm
As I feared earlier, Chad Moeller hits his 2nd HR of the year against the Cubs to tie it.
Maybe Glendon’s pact with the devil is expiring at the same time as Neifi’s.
BC
on June 23, 2005 at 2:37 pm
If the Cubs win today, they’ll be doing it despite the best efforts of Dusty Baker… You walk Carlos Lee the first two at-bats, but with a runner in scoring position you let Rusch face him the third time? Yikes…
And then there is the Korey in the leadoff spot experiment… (Sigh.)
Is Latroy Hawkins part of the Aurora Fire Department?
Chad Moeller
on June 23, 2005 at 2:38 pm
With my .184 average and 3 HRs, I am a stud. Apparently.
Don King
on June 23, 2005 at 2:39 pm
Hey Carlos that “Lassie vs The Z” is mucho bueno amigo, great creativety, ONLY IN AMERICA. But I got big plans for you dude. How about you vs Barry Bonds?
Pay per View dude.
CT
on June 23, 2005 at 2:39 pm
Chad f#cking Moeller?!?
Flannel Boy
on June 23, 2005 at 2:40 pm
“Aside from all the aforementioned reasons, here’s one more thing that makes me fairly sure that Derrek Lee won’t “win” the Triple Crown: He’s not good enough. Since 1920, nine players have accomplished the feat. Eight of them were legitimately great players, and all nine are in the Hall of Fame (the non-great Hall of Famer is Chuck Klein, who benefited greatly from his home ballpark). Does anybody believe that Lee’s going to the Hall of Fame someday? Does anybody believe that Lee will be on the ballot more than once?
If they play enough seasons, somebody will do it. If you put Pujols or Cabrera in Coors Field, one of them could do it. Or if National League managers were not so utterly intimidated by Bonds, he could have done it. But it’ll have to be the right hitter, in the right lineup, in the right ballpark. And while Lee might be batting .389 at the moment, when facing those tests he’s zero for three. ”
Over at the Cub Reporter, they think that Dusty is a great manager. “2nd among active managers in W-L percentage” and all that. It kills me. Do they ever watch the Cubs play, cringe as the lineup card is read?
Cubs fans
on June 23, 2005 at 2:44 pm
Why do we act like bunch of pussies, and want to trade all our players after couple of bad starts? We want to trade Carlos, and now we think Rusch is done because he hasn’t pitched well in last couple of starts.
BC
on June 23, 2005 at 2:44 pm
How much do you want to bet Jose Macias is the third batter in the top of the 7th???
As much as DLee rules, that’s how bad Corey sucks. They are the inverse of one another.
Today, 21 years ago
on June 23, 2005 at 3:00 pm
Just a reminder. A kid born in the middle of the Sandberg Game that occurred on me can legally enjoy a cold beer in the United States today
from bad
on June 23, 2005 at 3:05 pm
to WUERTZ
to OHHHH MAN
Wuretz
on June 23, 2005 at 3:12 pm
I didn’t know you meant throw it over the plate on a fly.
Larry Rothschild
on June 23, 2005 at 3:13 pm
I am the Butterscotch Stallion.
will ohman
on June 23, 2005 at 3:22 pm
how’d you like that 3-2 pitch bitches? game tied
Todd Hollandsworth
on June 23, 2005 at 3:23 pm
I’m a much better outfielder than Dubois. Really.
Chicago Cubs
on June 23, 2005 at 3:23 pm
We are unable to hold any kind of lead.
Right?
on June 23, 2005 at 3:27 pm
K-orey shouldn’t get another at bat today.
CT
on June 23, 2005 at 3:33 pm
Hollandsworth caught stealing? Tell me that was a botched hit and run.
Dusty Baker
on June 23, 2005 at 3:33 pm
Gotta let Korey stay in there, dude. Can’t have them bases getting clogged this late in the game. Here’s hoping he gets another at bat.
Dusty Baker
on June 23, 2005 at 3:33 pm
Gotta let Korey stay in there, dude. Can’t have them bases getting clogged this late in the game. Here’s hoping he gets another at bat.
Becker
on June 23, 2005 at 3:37 pm
I’m going to be better than this game.
Costanza
on June 23, 2005 at 3:39 pm
I can’t go on living, knowing how much more than me Ted Danson makes.
Mike Ditka
on June 23, 2005 at 3:40 pm
This is really amusing. I had a great team in the mid-80s, and managed only ONE Super Bowl. Of course, that was an era of great teams elsewhere: the 49ers, the Redskins and the Giants had clubs people would wax poetically about for years as well. Anyway, people say I’m a mediocre coach because of that.
Dusty gets a nucleus that would make me jealous. All that starting pitching? A GM willing to bring in big names? Some young talent? A big season out of Ramirez and Lee?
And what’s Baker done with it? Nada.
Paul White
on June 23, 2005 at 3:40 pm
9
Dusty
on June 23, 2005 at 3:41 pm
I am the most overrated manager in this, or any, sport.
Mike Remlinger
on June 23, 2005 at 3:42 pm
Anyone have a recliner i can sit in?
Paul White
on June 23, 2005 at 3:42 pm
1
Enrique Wilson
on June 23, 2005 at 3:42 pm
Any bets on whether I get an at-bat in the 9th?
Bill Hall
on June 23, 2005 at 3:42 pm
Am I on your fantasy team yet?
Corey Patterson
on June 23, 2005 at 3:43 pm
I’m due up, right? Woo hoo!
Rally Carp
on June 23, 2005 at 3:43 pm
Sigh. OK, let’s get it going boys!
Mike D.
on June 23, 2005 at 3:44 pm
Seriously, when the Fuck is Larry Rothschild getting run out of town?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Good arms get worse under him, young arms don’t get better. For chrissakes, the guy’s been livin’ off one year in FLA in ’97, in spite of the fact that Kevin Brown, Al Leiter, Alex Fernandez and Livian Hernandez had massive success either before or after he was there. Or both. Fuck his media darling ass.
Rally Carp
on June 23, 2005 at 3:44 pm
OK, 3 runs here, let’;s go Michael Barrett!
Paul White
on June 23, 2005 at 3:45 pm
2
Derrick Turnbow
on June 23, 2005 at 3:45 pm
I’m not a good looking guy.
Dwyer
on June 23, 2005 at 3:46 pm
He’s not bad looking
Rally Carp
on June 23, 2005 at 3:46 pm
OK, Jerry the Lesser. I’m all yours if you get on base.
Enrique Wilson
on June 23, 2005 at 3:46 pm
At least it’s not me pinch hitting.
Rally Carp
on June 23, 2005 at 3:47 pm
Yay, Jerry the Lesser! Now, Corey, just strike out and let Neifi bat. Don’t need ya.
Boooooo
on June 23, 2005 at 3:48 pm
Get ready to hear plenty of me after you guys choke and tank this weekend!
Korey
on June 23, 2005 at 3:48 pm
5?
5 for 5?
on June 23, 2005 at 3:48 pm
Can Korey achieve me?
Boooooo
on June 23, 2005 at 3:49 pm
Specially you Korey
Korey
on June 23, 2005 at 3:49 pm
Hey, I didn’t strike out.
Korey
on June 23, 2005 at 3:50 pm
I’m batting because I’m the least likely to hit into a double play. I’m the lest likely to hit anything.
Rally Carp
on June 23, 2005 at 3:50 pm
C’mon Neifi won Kenobi. You’re our only hope!
Jerry the lesser
on June 23, 2005 at 3:50 pm
Only I could make Patterson’s non-strikeout worse.
Derek Turnbow
on June 23, 2005 at 3:50 pm
Roids, I need my roids!!! I look like something you’d find on Tatooine.
Derrek Lee
on June 23, 2005 at 3:51 pm
Good baserunning could have ensured me getting an at bat
Rally Carp
on June 23, 2005 at 3:51 pm
Woo hoo! OK, DLee, my boy! Let’s get to .398!
Jerry The Lesser
on June 23, 2005 at 3:51 pm
You’ll get your at-bat, Lee, I just managed to make sure Korey went 0-5.
Without my rectal-cranial impaction, KKKKKKKKorey scores the tying run after tagging up from third on DLee’s flyout.
Dusty
on June 23, 2005 at 3:57 pm
Had to get Corey in the lead off spot bro, that’s where he wants to go…
Working
on June 23, 2005 at 3:57 pm
Explanation on Hairston, please…
Rob Neyer
on June 23, 2005 at 3:58 pm
See, I told you that Lee stinks. If he got a hit there, it would have been worth 2 wins. Instead, his out costs the Cubs 3.65 wins…that is of course, if you take away the pythagorean % of total victories not mathmatically earned…or some some made up stupid shit like that. I need to die.
CT
on June 23, 2005 at 3:58 pm
Two steps forward, two steps back.
Dusty Baker
on June 23, 2005 at 4:00 pm
No team managed by me will ever win…ever.
CPS
on June 23, 2005 at 4:00 pm
Working–Corey hit a bloop single to right, but Hairston thought it would be caught, so he froze, which meant a force out at second.
Why is its Dusty's fault
on June 23, 2005 at 4:01 pm
The bullpen sucks
Ron Santo
on June 23, 2005 at 4:01 pm
Boy oh Boy….Boy, oh Boy, Oh Boy, Boy Oh Boy oh Boy…..Oh Boy…..
Derrek Lee
on June 23, 2005 at 4:02 pm
So, I made a deal with the Devil for this? I will flirt with .400 while everyone else fucks the season. Thanks a lot, guys.
When does the Dusty Watch restart? It’s been quiet on him getting fiored for a while.
Dusty Baker
on June 23, 2005 at 4:04 pm
You are right, I am the best manager ever. Look at how well I have done all of these years in SF, and now here. I have no talent at all, and I always win.
Eamus Catuli
on June 23, 2005 at 4:04 pm
The bullpen’s suckage is unrelated to Dusty’s suckage in this game.
Just because Patterson wants to lead off all of a fvcking sudden doesn’t mean an intelligent manager puts him in the leadoff spot. The 2nd worst thing a leadoff guy can do is consistently whiff. And that’s what Korey does consistently.
TO UNDISCLOSED PERSON: Yes, I’d like a LARGE box of munchkins, sorted. A dozen donuts, sorted–but be sure to include 4 double-chocolate. And I’ll take a sourdough bagel, toasted, with plain cream cheese.
Anyway, I was just wondering what you ignornat fucksticks think about my team designation. Not only do we have a Neifi and Jose Macias, but I didn’t think things would be complete until I shoved it up your fans’ asses another notch with Joe Camel–Mr. Wilson. Fuck Ben grieve. He can actually hit sometimes.
Also, how do you like that chimp I got managing the team? Hahahahahahaha. I mean seriously, even though my contempt for the common Cubs fan is almost COMPLETELY obvious, even I had no idea how fucking stupid this jackass Baker is. It’s working out better than I ever anticipated. I mean, I would LOVE to get away with batting Patterson and Perez too bat 1-2,
Hold on a sec–
TO UNDISCLOSED PERSON: Hey, honey. Can you throw in another half-dozen boston cremes? Appreciate it.
Anyway, like I was saying, if I didn’t think that batting Patterson and Perez would be way-too-obvious sign that we are deliberately tortuing our fans, we would have done it sooner. But evidently Dusty gets away with it, since our good friends in the maisntream media choose instead to waste their time talking about Dusty’s opinions on the City Series.
I’m a misanthrope–but only toward Cub fans. You fucksticks deserve what you get, and we’re giving it to you, no lube.
Dusty
on June 23, 2005 at 4:07 pm
I’m sorry Corey struck out 4 times today, I’m sorry Zambrano gave up 8 runs in an inning yesterday. I’m sorry that I have nobody in the bullpen could get the job done today…I told them to do that, and so did Larry Rothchild..
Larry Rothschild
on June 23, 2005 at 4:09 pm
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Shut the fuck up, you dumb asshole. I’ve been flying under the radar ever since I got here. Don’t tell Kiley.
Dusty and Larry
on June 23, 2005 at 4:12 pm
Players win or lose games. We have nothing to do with it.
Dusty
on June 23, 2005 at 4:13 pm
I’m not a great in game strategist. But I bring a winning attitude, something which you shouldn’t take for granted, and all the players respect me and play their best for me. You could do a lot worse. Remember who you had before me? Give me some more talent in the bullpen, and a healthy pitching staff and I’ll be fine.
Trib executive
on June 23, 2005 at 4:19 pm
(relaxing in hawaii)
what’s all the fuss? wrigley stadium is sold out all season!!
Mike D.
on June 23, 2005 at 4:19 pm
Ummm, Dusty? Cubs have the #1 payroll in the NL. I think it’s time you stop getting the benefit of the doubt because none of your predecessors enjoyed the same level of success that you have, and realize that if Tom Friggin’ Trebelhorn had the type of talent you have today, he would also have had much, much, much, much better results than he did, in fact, have.
The Tribune Company is spending money like they never have before. A fucknozzle like you, Dusty, hardly deserves the credit for the Cubs’ no longer residing in the Land of Suck.
Spike O'Dell
on June 23, 2005 at 4:21 pm
Just keep Michael Wuertz, Will Ohman and Mike Remlinger away from my house.
Amen, Mike D. Dusty gets waaaay too much credit for his management skills, when in fact he has been the beneficiary of some pretty high talent levels, as opposed to a Treblehorn or Kimm, to name a couple of non-beneficiaries.
Wuertz, Ohman and Remlinger
on June 23, 2005 at 4:23 pm
Too late, Spike. BURN!!!!
We also brought down Bob Collin’s airplane.
Brian
on June 23, 2005 at 4:26 pm
Hey Dusty,
You’re points about Zambrano, Corey, and the Bullpen are well taken. You can’t control how the players perform. You can control, however, the situations in which they perform. There’s no reason to have your two worst OBP guys hitting 1-2 in front of Lee. I don’t care if Corey “can steal more” than anyone else. He can’t do shit unless he gets on. Stolen bases, while nice, don’t win ballgames. Having someone who can get on in front of Derrek will.
So yeah. You deserve some shit.
Mike D.
on June 23, 2005 at 4:27 pm
I mean really. When a drooling Ron Santo wakes up in time for the game and can STILL be able to tell you that Patterson has no business leading off–although he doesn’t have the balls to grill Dusty about it on his pregame show–there’s something wrong with this picture. Is it possible that the ONE human being in Chicago unable to grasp the concept of your top-of-the-order guys needing to getting on base also happens to be the ONE human being responsible for filling out the lineup card? Is that possible? If so, that would just be so Cub.
Dick Durbin
on June 23, 2005 at 4:31 pm
If I read to you these puzzling decisions by the manager, you would conclude that I was talking about Billy Martin pulling a lineup out of a hat as he did with Oakland in the 1980s, or some guy’s 16-inch softball team after a long day of drinking where the manager of the team is passed out and choking on his own vomit or some really mad regime, like that of Stump Merrill in New York or Terry Bevington.
CT
on June 23, 2005 at 4:31 pm
Dick, what the hell do you have to do with any of this?
Juan Pierre
on June 23, 2005 at 4:32 pm
Actually, my speed won a ballgame this year against the Cubs. Of course, I got on base too. Point is, speed, stolen bases, etc. are very useful–provided you can get on base.
CT
on June 23, 2005 at 4:32 pm
My comment was addressed to Dick Pole, but it applies to Durbin also.
Guy from the movie Parenthood
on June 23, 2005 at 4:34 pm
Corey Patterson has no business leading off!! NO BUSINESS!!
Otis
on June 23, 2005 at 4:38 pm
Hi, I’m Spike O’Dell’s presumably deceased dog. What kind of a prick leaves me at home by myself while the family is off on an Alaskan cruise?
Chuck LeMar
on June 23, 2005 at 4:41 pm
Hey Jim, it’s me Chuck, how come you never got back to me yesterday? Oh well, since you waited, you are gonna have to sweeten the deal a bit. Here’s my new offer. Baez and Huff, for…Prior, Zambrano, Ramirez, Hill, and Pie. Seems fair, no? Remember Jim…talent for talent.
Otis
on June 23, 2005 at 4:50 pm
Fire is hot.
Bark.
Sox Fan
on June 23, 2005 at 4:51 pm
Nice game today guys. Losers.
Jim Frey
on June 23, 2005 at 4:52 pm
THEN…
I won a division in 1984. My team then blew three chances to get to the World Series.
The next year, my team tanked.
The year after that, I was fired on June 13th
NOW…
Dusty Baker won a division in 2003. His team then blew three chances to get to the World Series.
The next year, his team tanked.
It’s June 23rd. There IS precedent, Jim Hendry. WTF are you waiting for? Krispy Kreme to come out with a new flavor?
Jim Hendry
on June 23, 2005 at 4:53 pm
Um…new flavor…really ?
Sox Fan
on June 23, 2005 at 4:58 pm
I’m back here to tell you how much I suck
Sox Fan
on June 23, 2005 at 5:01 pm
Hey guys, don’t get too down. Your team is average at best, actually they are downright bad. You are just not able to compete with the boys across town. The Sox have 4 legitimate aces, perennial Cy Young contenders that is, and one (McCarthy) in the making. The nastiest pen since the Nasty Boys, and a team that throws leather around like a Wilsons outlet. TImely hitting is important as well. You have guys having career years ie, Lee, Ramirez, Prior, etc…while future hall of famers like Konerko, Thomas, Dye, and Podsednik haven’t really played to their potential. And yet, we dominate the toughest division in the game. Sox Come Alive in 05′! Have fun in the cellar. Losers.
Brian
on June 23, 2005 at 5:07 pm
You tell them Sox Fan.
Nastiest Pen Since The Nasty Boys?
on June 23, 2005 at 5:11 pm
I see where crystal meth use is alive and strong south of Roosevelt Road.
Realists
on June 23, 2005 at 5:18 pm
That may be, but we’re there too. Proof is in the pudding, Sox will win it all, if you can’t see that, than you are drinking the blue Kool Aid. Hermanson, Politte, Cotts, Marte, Takatsu…the numbers, and results don’t lie. The Win or Die Trying Sox might break the 116 win mark, actually, they most likely will break it. Cubs fans need to wake up.
Roosevelt Rd.
on June 23, 2005 at 5:19 pm
Does anything north of me matter ?
Brian
on June 23, 2005 at 5:20 pm
I’m proud of you Sox fan, you’re awesome!!!!! Wheeeeee
Sell Outs
on June 23, 2005 at 5:26 pm
The Sox, thanks to the Cubs, will discover what it’s like to have 3 of us.
Mike D.
on June 23, 2005 at 5:28 pm
It’s June 23rd.
And they say Cub fans drink the Kool Aid.
T.J. Brown
on June 23, 2005 at 5:35 pm
What the White Sox have to do with today’s loss, I have no idea.
Dave B
on June 23, 2005 at 5:44 pm
Career years? Ask Jon “Judy” Garland where this season stacks up against the other piles of crap he’s put up in the past. White trash bitches.
Mark Prior and Eramis Ramirez
on June 23, 2005 at 5:47 pm
We had better years in 2003 and 2004 respectively.
T.J. Brown
on June 23, 2005 at 5:58 pm
The following post had to have been satire:
Intrepid Reader: Sox Fan
June 23rd, 2005 at 5:01 pm
Hey guys, don’t get too down. Your team is average at best, actually they are downright bad. You are just not able to compete with the boys across town. The Sox have 4 legitimate aces, perennial Cy Young contenders that is, and one (McCarthy) in the making. The nastiest pen since the Nasty Boys, and a team that throws leather around like a Wilsons outlet. TImely hitting is important as well. You have guys having career years ie, Lee, Ramirez, Prior, etc…while future hall of famers like Konerko, Thomas, Dye, and Podsednik haven’t really played to their potential. And yet, we dominate the toughest division in the game. Sox Come Alive in 05′! Have fun in the cellar. Losers.
OK, the Cubs are average at best right now, no argument here…. Perennial Cy Young contenders? I’ll say two are “perennial:” (Buehrle and Garcia)… Nasty Boys? The career years comment? The use of Podsednik, Dye, Konerko and “hall of fame” in the same sentence? Toughest division in the game?
Who wrote this?
Ozzie Guillen's Larynx
on June 23, 2005 at 6:11 pm
Hey, it will be fung mang, beating the shit out of those cheater Cubs and their Venezuelan fuck fangs with the cellphone and Old Style, I tell ming pitchers to bean Lee first game. Up yours fuck sticks zing weturyayzjjh akkji dkieks$%!!!
Gee..sure would be nice if Sox fans could spend teir time rooting for the Sox, rather than bitch at Cub fans….4 Aces?? Have you seen McCarthy get pummeled?
Come on….Buerhle is an ace, but Garland is having a career year…El Dukey is hurt….again…Garcia is a solid #3, and this is the first year Contreras hasn’t consistently carpped himself every time he pitched. Calm down….
Freddy Garcia
on June 23, 2005 at 7:31 pm
Tomorrow, I will hit Derrek Lee in the arm or head and end his overacheiving season. Then, the Umps will warn the benches and you poor babies can’t hit us back. You know, because we play the game right, we are grinders…or something…if I don’t do it, Ozzie will tell me I’m no fung and I’m just another Venezuelan fuck! I look like Bald Bull, and Iguchi looks like Piston Honda. Bob Brenly could almost pass for Von Kaiser.
Sox fans
on June 23, 2005 at 8:39 pm
Any chance we can play a night game Friday? We have to attend the World Series parade at noon, assuming our parole officers are willing to look the other way for a day.
2001 Seattle Mariners
on June 23, 2005 at 10:11 pm
Hey, 2005 White Sox. You remind me a lot of me when I was younger. Hopefully you’ll get somewhere in the playoffs, unlike us.
George Steinbrenner
on June 23, 2005 at 10:13 pm
Cashman! Set the time machine for 1998 and get me Chili Davis!
Wade Boggs
on June 24, 2005 at 1:18 am
Hey boss, as soon as I am done killing this rare white rhino, I can lace em up again.
Steinbrenner
on June 24, 2005 at 8:13 am
Costanza! Where are my calzones??!!
Matt Karchner
on June 24, 2005 at 10:22 am
Dave “Douche” B calling someone else white trash? Obviously not a career year for self-awareness.
Matt, come visit me in Iowa City. I’d be glad to show you white trash.
Dave B. A Tool
on June 24, 2005 at 11:24 am
Dave B. has a way of slapping on the blinders to all things Cub and focusing his white-hot death rays on the Cards and White Sox. It’s just a little odd to be so fixated with the opposition. Read his postsâ€â€they all deal with shouting down Sox fans, Cards fans, and the idiocy of the Score (which he listens to all day).
Sox fans / Cards Fans / Score
on June 24, 2005 at 11:32 am
WE’RE ALL IDIOTS
Daily Dose For June 24th, 2005
on June 24, 2005 at 11:48 am
What’s the Over/Under on the worst 1-2 lineup in the history of human beings?
1-9? 2-10? 0-10?
Dusty Baker is a tool. He almost seems to go out of his way to defy convention.
What really gets me is the Cubs utter inability over the past couple of years to ever capitilize on Cardinals losses. It’s like every single time the Cards lose, the Cubs lose.
Can’t play by no book, dudes. Gotta shake things up, man.
Now that I’ve screwed up Wood, Prior, and hopefully Zambrano, I can set my sights on Rusch and this young guy Hill.
Maybe I’ll go wake Dusty up and see if we can pitch Hill again to day aand then start him on Sunday too.
Going to Wrigley North to battle with all those crazed Brewers fans, it should be an all out wa- ahh who am I kidding, they pretty much concede the play to Cubs fans when they are in town
Hey Larry, let em’ pitch every day, the games are only 5 innings long.
The name is Rothschild, Rothschild I say. Don’t short me my S, you Ass Bag!
I gots me 60 years fo killin dem dogooders.
That’s Mr Ass Bag to you jerk off!!!!!
my balls itch
I thought I was Mr. Ass. I do have the biggest one.
Isn’t this an oxymoran? If one is a tool, one is just doing the usual, rote function. However, you say Dusty goes out of his way to defy convention. He’s not a tool; he’s a fool.
cf-patterson
ss-neifi
1b-lee
rf-burnitz
2b-walker
lf-hollandsworth
3b-macias
c-hank
p-rusch
Some people will refer to me , colloquially, as a tool. And there’s no bigger dickhead right now than The One Who Gnaws Toothpicks.
Did anyone notice that Ray Killen:
looks like this guy:
OK, since Dusty doesn’t find the need to piece together a real lineup, and since he’s apparently allowed Corey Patterson to write out the lineup card, I’m going to have to go into overdrive.
Ben Grieve has turned his eyes to the Rally Yak, and good for him. He’s going to have a nice career in Des Moines. Me, I have bigger fish to fry (pardon the pun), so I am focusing all my powers on the visiting team dugout in Miller Park this afternoon.
Derrek Lee will be up around .410 by the All-Star Break, and the Cubs will have a 10-game winning streak by the Fourth of July. Gooooo Rally Carp!
Oh, apparently the I-Cubs have beheld the power of the Rally Carp! (http://www.iowacubs.com/aspx/news.aspx?id=2047)
Comments with pictures are awaiting moderation now? Damn…
Oh well. Gooo Cubs!
CF- Jerry Hairston
SS- Neifi
2B- Todd Walker
RF- Jeromy Burnitz
LF- Jason Dubois
1b- Todd Hollandsworth
3B- Jose Macias
C- Hank White
P- Glendon Rusch
I sure hope that’s not the real lineup, because otherwise I’m going back to Des Moines.
Corey Patterson, CF .250 10 22 10
Neifi Perez, SS .285 7 27 4
Derrek Lee, 1B .389 20 61 10
Jeromy Burnitz, RF .288 12 42 3
Aramis Ramirez, 3B .299 16 44 0
Todd Walker, 2B .313 2 11 1
Todd Hollandsworth, LF .256 2 21 3
Michael Barrett, C .281 8 33 0
Glendon Rusch, P .158 0 0 0
Are Corey and Neifi going to bat 1 and 2 for-fucking-EVER?
Pay no attention to us, we have no business at the top of the order. We just hit a shitload of line drives, and bat .300, that’s all.
Yo, they are Australian chewing sticks, man. Get it right. I get these things at Whole Foods, dude. They got tea tree in them, eases the mind, and calms the nerves…cool like Miles Davis, bro.
At what point do we officially start to worry about Big Z? Because a couple of wins in the past month by him would have done a whole lot for our mental outlook.
When my arm explodes, then you can worry.
would be huge! that would be 6 out of 7 this week and 6 over .500 sunday.
I have 14 strikeouts against Ben Sheets in 34 at-bats. Whoo, lead off man!!!
Make that 15 out of 35…
This lead off thing really isn’t that different from anything else I’ve tried. And I’m really able to help the team at the top of the order. Maybe now people will get off my back!
Dusty, I want to bat lead- off so I can get my strikeouts over with. You always say, don’t clog the bases.
MVP, Bitches!
You couldn’t tell most of these folk here at Desipio that, with our incessant clamoring that the season’s over and the Cubs are already dead.
I am the Black Jesus.
Brian’s here…great.
This won’t hurt a big, Mr. Zambrano.
This won’t hurt a bit, Mr. Zambrano.
Biatch!
I smell RBI’s, or is that bad taco gas?
Actually, it’s a walk I smell.
I hate Bill Hall. He just kills the Cubs…
I’m obviously not nearly enough… to win the first inning.
At least Overbay is sitting today.
Glendon: “Why in the hell did they stop making Strawberry Twinkees?”
Michael: “I don’t know. It pisses me off too. Those things were the tits!…oh yeah, fastball in.”
Piece of cake.
Woo hoo! Let’s get 2 more!
I can’t decide if I’m really this good of if I’m just fucking with you.
OR if…
Let’s see here, for some reaon, the two guys batting in front of me have the lowest OPB in our lineup. Maybe Dusty should bat Rich Hill in the leadoff spot.
D Lee. Jeez…
D Lee. Jeez…
Man, Magruder, Moeller, and the pitcher’s spot. If this 7-8-9 beats us today, we’re in trouble.
Does anybody else wonder why Blanco didn’t catch Z last night? Barrett catching four days in a row in June doesn’t make much sense, unless he’s gonna DH a game or two in the Sox series.
He’s so nice I hadta say it twice
Dave, I’m pretty sure that Blanco caught Maddux on Monday.
Dave, I’m pretty sure that Blanco caught Maddux’s start on Monday.
…which would make tomorrow the 4th day in a row for Barrett. Never mind.
2 for 2!
Actually, I said, “I want to be your strikeout leader”…not “I want to be your leadoff hitter” I was in a bad reception area. Did you like my swing there…I don’t have a fucking clue.
Don’t you love what we bring via offense?
Wait, I think I want to be a number 8 hitter now…
Did he swing from his heels again? Surprise…
I hope Geoff Jenkins brought that golden sombrero to the ball park today. I’m well on my way to stealing it back.
I’m trying to get my BB/K ratio up to 1:6.
It’s a historic day for me.. I’ve gotten my 500th and 501st stike outs for my career..Thats an automatic trip to Cooperstown isn’t it?
… brought to you by Korey and Neifi… the 8 pitch inning…
I DONT HAVE A CLUE
IM SICK OF MYSELF
TRADE ME FOR 2 BUD LIGHTS AND A BAG OF TOSTITOS
Sorry CT, I missed Monday’s game. I had nearly six hours of awful high school baseball to umpire. I’m still recovering.
Dammit Korey, Just go on a hot streak.
Do it long enough to raise your trade value, that’s all we ask.
We don’t want you to lead off, we just were hoping you could fool some other teams into thinking you are a good leadoff hitter.
I don’t have a brain
I am a complete chicken shit. No way I’m going to even come close to throwing Carlos Lee a strike….
But wouldn’t he look nice in LF for us?
Glendon, after what he did last night, I don’t care if any of our pitchers ever throws the guy a strike.
I can absorb up to 3 gallons of pine tar.
I have seen more pitches than all 3 of the Cubs batters this inning.
All right, we need to make a Korey-O-Meter, keeping track of his on-base percentage… Maybe if Dusty sees it in the stands he’ll actually see how bad Korey’s OBP is and move him down in the order.
(Huge grasping for straws…)
Well, I guess I’d better start playing a lot of Madden then.
Moeller is Blanco in English
Guess I’d better start warming up. At this rate, I might be needed for 2 or 3 innings of work.
So I’ve got lead off another inning? *sigh*
I am the Black Jesus.
MVP again, suckers. I will carry this team to the playoffs if it kills me.
Woo hoo Derrek!
What did I say?
OOoooooh, it’s ON now…
Enough of this shit.
Let me just rip one again.
If you want something done around here….
65 for G Unit after 3
working on a 195 pitch, complete game
Sammy who?
I look like a clown out there :/
Ben sheets his pants when he faces me.
I get mad pussy.
somebody told me Lee’s HRs are better with men on base, but dudes, that would clogg the bases and that no good dudes
Todd, you have to work on your disgusted “I just made an out” bat flip. Yours is okay, but it needs work.
1b D Lee
2b-D Lee
3b-D Lee
SS-D Lee
LF-D Lee
CF-D Lee
RF-D Lee
C-D Lee
DH-D Lee
Three more hits, and I’m what D-Lee’s hitting. Un-fricking-believable.
Dumbass of the Day: the Brewers, for even pitching to DLee
The Cubs had better add a few, because those shadows are creeping, and when they get out to the mound, the visibility is going to be affected.
Time to put two runners on base again and hope I get out of it.
Sloth, let’s hope they don’t catch on, since he’s our only source of offense.
We didn’t plan this, it just worked out that we all ended up wearing the same thing. This is humiliating.
Aren’t we fun during a Gamecast?
Is it a bad sign that I see Brady Clark and think: “damn, I wish he was in the Cubs outfield”?
McGruder you asshole. I called that one.
Me gone.
3 for 3, bitches!
Thanks for the Shoutout Bob. I haven’t been mentioned in so long I almost forgot my own name.
I just might be overmatched up here.
How long can this go on? Am I really this bad? Why am I leading off? Why am I even in the fucking lineup?
I’m so good I get outs even when you’re not watching.
Watch Korey try to win the prize of the Golden Sombrero with his next at bat.
Uh, in what context did Bob give Mike Krukow a shoutout? I remember him from old baseball cards (I started collecting them in 1979 so you can see why) but I haven’t heard of him in years.
Your move Derek.
Someone needs to drill me with a pitch. Now.
I’m a stud. You see, because I lead off, the Cubs scored 3 runs so far.
I told you not to throw that guy a strike…
The cubs are such pussies, they don’t even bother trying to ever come inside on me. I own them.
Hey, maybe I could throw at him? I’m going to be DFA’ed soon anyway…
I used to be Mike Krukow’s “valet Catcher.”
By the way, did you guys notice that Derrek Lee and Carlos Lee have the same last name. I bet we could make some clever fodder about that.
hey glendon, buddy, if your leaking oil, time to come to me
Anybody watching the game? According to Yahoo, Rusch is giving up a lot of deep fly balls. Are these guys just missing gopher balls or what?
I look like a clown.
Look out K-orey, here I come…
hey kids. Who has the LEE-d?
Maybe I should lead off. 3-for-3, .396
This baseball shit is easy.
See what happens when they tell me to throw a strike to Carlos?
Crap
I know I have other problems, like freezing my head off in fucking Arizona, but should I start to worry yet?
I will be D Lee’s average if he gets a hit his next at bat.
Ted, considering Lee’s numbers are actually getting better instead of tapering off, yes, you should worry.
forget about that tyson guy and that klitshco dude.
I want a pay per view: Lee vs Lee
only in America, only in america, dudes
lately I’ve been Aramis, before I was Ara-miss
Don,
If you’re scheduling a fight, I want in on the undercard. The pitching thing’s not working so good, so I must keel someone. How about CB Bucknor vs. Carlos Zambrano? How about Jim Edmonds? Lassie vs. the Z? I must keel someone. Give me someone to keel today please.
I don’t have the slightest idea what I’m talking about…
http://insider.espn.go.com/mlb/columns/story?columnist=neyer_rob&id=2092926
I can be allocated far better than subscribing to ESPN to read Neyer’s columns.
As I feared earlier, Chad Moeller hits his 2nd HR of the year against the Cubs to tie it.
Maybe Glendon’s pact with the devil is expiring at the same time as Neifi’s.
If the Cubs win today, they’ll be doing it despite the best efforts of Dusty Baker… You walk Carlos Lee the first two at-bats, but with a runner in scoring position you let Rusch face him the third time? Yikes…
And then there is the Korey in the leadoff spot experiment… (Sigh.)
Is Latroy Hawkins part of the Aurora Fire Department?
With my .184 average and 3 HRs, I am a stud. Apparently.
Hey Carlos that “Lassie vs The Z” is mucho bueno amigo, great creativety, ONLY IN AMERICA. But I got big plans for you dude. How about you vs Barry Bonds?
Pay per View dude.
Chad f#cking Moeller?!?
“Aside from all the aforementioned reasons, here’s one more thing that makes me fairly sure that Derrek Lee won’t “win” the Triple Crown: He’s not good enough. Since 1920, nine players have accomplished the feat. Eight of them were legitimately great players, and all nine are in the Hall of Fame (the non-great Hall of Famer is Chuck Klein, who benefited greatly from his home ballpark). Does anybody believe that Lee’s going to the Hall of Fame someday? Does anybody believe that Lee will be on the ballot more than once?
If they play enough seasons, somebody will do it. If you put Pujols or Cabrera in Coors Field, one of them could do it. Or if National League managers were not so utterly intimidated by Bonds, he could have done it. But it’ll have to be the right hitter, in the right lineup, in the right ballpark. And while Lee might be batting .389 at the moment, when facing those tests he’s zero for three. ”
Over at the Cub Reporter, they think that Dusty is a great manager. “2nd among active managers in W-L percentage” and all that. It kills me. Do they ever watch the Cubs play, cringe as the lineup card is read?
Why do we act like bunch of pussies, and want to trade all our players after couple of bad starts? We want to trade Carlos, and now we think Rusch is done because he hasn’t pitched well in last couple of starts.
How much do you want to bet Jose Macias is the third batter in the top of the 7th???
Good thing I’m batting eighth. FU, Dusty!
Hmmmm, sac fly or golden sombero? Tough choice.
Uh, Macias pinch-bunted? That makes sense. Doesn’t GlenDon handle the bat pretty well?
I must keel Barry Bonds. Deal. I need to talk to my brothers in Venezuela now.
I did not pitch that poorly today, I am still extremely valuable to this team.
sac fly? I need to make contact first
I’m glad I’m not at wrigley field right now…
I’m all yours Korey !!!!!!!!
Honestly, shouldn’t I have thought about pinch-hitting for KKKKorey in that situation? Dudes?
I’m holding up my end of the bargain bitches. Nomar who?
Hi guys.
I just want to tell you that I could have done a better job than Corey today.
Heck, I could have done better than Corey today, and I haven’t played baseball in nine years…
Can I make it .398?
I just saved D-Lee an out. Lets get this rally started.
Are any of us not fat?
Fear me, Teddy Ballgame.
And suck it, Neyer.
I’ll have to wait for tomorrow
Ahh, yes. It’ll be fun to go 4-for-4 in tomorrow’s win.
Ol-ayyy! All hail el hombre con el sombrero de oro.
As much as DLee rules, that’s how bad Corey sucks. They are the inverse of one another.
Just a reminder. A kid born in the middle of the Sandberg Game that occurred on me can legally enjoy a cold beer in the United States today
to WUERTZ
to OHHHH MAN
I didn’t know you meant throw it over the plate on a fly.
I am the Butterscotch Stallion.
how’d you like that 3-2 pitch bitches? game tied
I’m a much better outfielder than Dubois. Really.
We are unable to hold any kind of lead.
K-orey shouldn’t get another at bat today.
Hollandsworth caught stealing? Tell me that was a botched hit and run.
Gotta let Korey stay in there, dude. Can’t have them bases getting clogged this late in the game. Here’s hoping he gets another at bat.
Gotta let Korey stay in there, dude. Can’t have them bases getting clogged this late in the game. Here’s hoping he gets another at bat.
I’m going to be better than this game.
I can’t go on living, knowing how much more than me Ted Danson makes.
This is really amusing. I had a great team in the mid-80s, and managed only ONE Super Bowl. Of course, that was an era of great teams elsewhere: the 49ers, the Redskins and the Giants had clubs people would wax poetically about for years as well. Anyway, people say I’m a mediocre coach because of that.
Dusty gets a nucleus that would make me jealous. All that starting pitching? A GM willing to bring in big names? Some young talent? A big season out of Ramirez and Lee?
And what’s Baker done with it? Nada.
9
I am the most overrated manager in this, or any, sport.
Anyone have a recliner i can sit in?
1
Any bets on whether I get an at-bat in the 9th?
Am I on your fantasy team yet?
I’m due up, right? Woo hoo!
Sigh. OK, let’s get it going boys!
Seriously, when the Fuck is Larry Rothschild getting run out of town?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Good arms get worse under him, young arms don’t get better. For chrissakes, the guy’s been livin’ off one year in FLA in ’97, in spite of the fact that Kevin Brown, Al Leiter, Alex Fernandez and Livian Hernandez had massive success either before or after he was there. Or both. Fuck his media darling ass.
OK, 3 runs here, let’;s go Michael Barrett!
2
I’m not a good looking guy.
He’s not bad looking
OK, Jerry the Lesser. I’m all yours if you get on base.
At least it’s not me pinch hitting.
Yay, Jerry the Lesser! Now, Corey, just strike out and let Neifi bat. Don’t need ya.
Get ready to hear plenty of me after you guys choke and tank this weekend!
5?
Can Korey achieve me?
Specially you Korey
Hey, I didn’t strike out.
I’m batting because I’m the least likely to hit into a double play. I’m the lest likely to hit anything.
C’mon Neifi won Kenobi. You’re our only hope!
Only I could make Patterson’s non-strikeout worse.
Roids, I need my roids!!! I look like something you’d find on Tatooine.
Good baserunning could have ensured me getting an at bat
Woo hoo! OK, DLee, my boy! Let’s get to .398!
You’ll get your at-bat, Lee, I just managed to make sure Korey went 0-5.
Been out working all day. Miss anything good?
The Good: Derrek Lee
The Bad: Korey & the bullpen
Uh, Jerry, what are you talking about?
They wont give me anything to hit…I mean really, are they Morans?
Look at my amazing diving catch!!!
Ah, shit. This is a waste of time. I’ll go back to Des Moines and compete with the Rally Yak.
Fucking bullpen. Fucking Rothschild.
Damn, I almost had a really good game. I’ll try to do better tomorrow.
So, the parrot stays.
Without my rectal-cranial impaction, KKKKKKKKorey scores the tying run after tagging up from third on DLee’s flyout.
Had to get Corey in the lead off spot bro, that’s where he wants to go…
Explanation on Hairston, please…
See, I told you that Lee stinks. If he got a hit there, it would have been worth 2 wins. Instead, his out costs the Cubs 3.65 wins…that is of course, if you take away the pythagorean % of total victories not mathmatically earned…or some some made up stupid shit like that. I need to die.
Two steps forward, two steps back.
No team managed by me will ever win…ever.
Working–Corey hit a bloop single to right, but Hairston thought it would be caught, so he froze, which meant a force out at second.
The bullpen sucks
Boy oh Boy….Boy, oh Boy, Oh Boy, Boy Oh Boy oh Boy…..Oh Boy…..
So, I made a deal with the Devil for this? I will flirt with .400 while everyone else fucks the season. Thanks a lot, guys.
When does the Dusty Watch restart? It’s been quiet on him getting fiored for a while.
You are right, I am the best manager ever. Look at how well I have done all of these years in SF, and now here. I have no talent at all, and I always win.
The bullpen’s suckage is unrelated to Dusty’s suckage in this game.
Just because Patterson wants to lead off all of a fvcking sudden doesn’t mean an intelligent manager puts him in the leadoff spot. The 2nd worst thing a leadoff guy can do is consistently whiff. And that’s what Korey does consistently.
Dusty Baker makes poor personnel decisions that cost his teams, and this team in particular, runs and ultimately ballgames.
Chuck, I think a series sweep by the White Sox puts Dusty on life support.
Yeah, CT, because I’ll make one great interim manager
Hey Cub fans, what’s going on? Hold on a minute–
TO UNDISCLOSED PERSON: Yes, I’d like a LARGE box of munchkins, sorted. A dozen donuts, sorted–but be sure to include 4 double-chocolate. And I’ll take a sourdough bagel, toasted, with plain cream cheese.
Anyway, I was just wondering what you ignornat fucksticks think about my team designation. Not only do we have a Neifi and Jose Macias, but I didn’t think things would be complete until I shoved it up your fans’ asses another notch with Joe Camel–Mr. Wilson. Fuck Ben grieve. He can actually hit sometimes.
Also, how do you like that chimp I got managing the team? Hahahahahahaha. I mean seriously, even though my contempt for the common Cubs fan is almost COMPLETELY obvious, even I had no idea how fucking stupid this jackass Baker is. It’s working out better than I ever anticipated. I mean, I would LOVE to get away with batting Patterson and Perez too bat 1-2,
Hold on a sec–
TO UNDISCLOSED PERSON: Hey, honey. Can you throw in another half-dozen boston cremes? Appreciate it.
Anyway, like I was saying, if I didn’t think that batting Patterson and Perez would be way-too-obvious sign that we are deliberately tortuing our fans, we would have done it sooner. But evidently Dusty gets away with it, since our good friends in the maisntream media choose instead to waste their time talking about Dusty’s opinions on the City Series.
I’m a misanthrope–but only toward Cub fans. You fucksticks deserve what you get, and we’re giving it to you, no lube.
I’m sorry Corey struck out 4 times today, I’m sorry Zambrano gave up 8 runs in an inning yesterday. I’m sorry that I have nobody in the bullpen could get the job done today…I told them to do that, and so did Larry Rothchild..
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Shut the fuck up, you dumb asshole. I’ve been flying under the radar ever since I got here. Don’t tell Kiley.
Players win or lose games. We have nothing to do with it.
I’m not a great in game strategist. But I bring a winning attitude, something which you shouldn’t take for granted, and all the players respect me and play their best for me. You could do a lot worse. Remember who you had before me? Give me some more talent in the bullpen, and a healthy pitching staff and I’ll be fine.
(relaxing in hawaii)
what’s all the fuss? wrigley stadium is sold out all season!!
Ummm, Dusty? Cubs have the #1 payroll in the NL. I think it’s time you stop getting the benefit of the doubt because none of your predecessors enjoyed the same level of success that you have, and realize that if Tom Friggin’ Trebelhorn had the type of talent you have today, he would also have had much, much, much, much better results than he did, in fact, have.
The Tribune Company is spending money like they never have before. A fucknozzle like you, Dusty, hardly deserves the credit for the Cubs’ no longer residing in the Land of Suck.
Just keep Michael Wuertz, Will Ohman and Mike Remlinger away from my house.
Amen, Mike D. Dusty gets waaaay too much credit for his management skills, when in fact he has been the beneficiary of some pretty high talent levels, as opposed to a Treblehorn or Kimm, to name a couple of non-beneficiaries.
Too late, Spike. BURN!!!!
We also brought down Bob Collin’s airplane.
Hey Dusty,
You’re points about Zambrano, Corey, and the Bullpen are well taken. You can’t control how the players perform. You can control, however, the situations in which they perform. There’s no reason to have your two worst OBP guys hitting 1-2 in front of Lee. I don’t care if Corey “can steal more” than anyone else. He can’t do shit unless he gets on. Stolen bases, while nice, don’t win ballgames. Having someone who can get on in front of Derrek will.
So yeah. You deserve some shit.
I mean really. When a drooling Ron Santo wakes up in time for the game and can STILL be able to tell you that Patterson has no business leading off–although he doesn’t have the balls to grill Dusty about it on his pregame show–there’s something wrong with this picture. Is it possible that the ONE human being in Chicago unable to grasp the concept of your top-of-the-order guys needing to getting on base also happens to be the ONE human being responsible for filling out the lineup card? Is that possible? If so, that would just be so Cub.
If I read to you these puzzling decisions by the manager, you would conclude that I was talking about Billy Martin pulling a lineup out of a hat as he did with Oakland in the 1980s, or some guy’s 16-inch softball team after a long day of drinking where the manager of the team is passed out and choking on his own vomit or some really mad regime, like that of Stump Merrill in New York or Terry Bevington.
Dick, what the hell do you have to do with any of this?
Actually, my speed won a ballgame this year against the Cubs. Of course, I got on base too. Point is, speed, stolen bases, etc. are very useful–provided you can get on base.
My comment was addressed to Dick Pole, but it applies to Durbin also.
Corey Patterson has no business leading off!! NO BUSINESS!!
Hi, I’m Spike O’Dell’s presumably deceased dog. What kind of a prick leaves me at home by myself while the family is off on an Alaskan cruise?
Hey Jim, it’s me Chuck, how come you never got back to me yesterday? Oh well, since you waited, you are gonna have to sweeten the deal a bit. Here’s my new offer. Baez and Huff, for…Prior, Zambrano, Ramirez, Hill, and Pie. Seems fair, no? Remember Jim…talent for talent.
Fire is hot.
Bark.
Nice game today guys. Losers.
THEN…
I won a division in 1984. My team then blew three chances to get to the World Series.
The next year, my team tanked.
The year after that, I was fired on June 13th
NOW…
Dusty Baker won a division in 2003. His team then blew three chances to get to the World Series.
The next year, his team tanked.
It’s June 23rd. There IS precedent, Jim Hendry. WTF are you waiting for? Krispy Kreme to come out with a new flavor?
Um…new flavor…really ?
I’m back here to tell you how much I suck
Hey guys, don’t get too down. Your team is average at best, actually they are downright bad. You are just not able to compete with the boys across town. The Sox have 4 legitimate aces, perennial Cy Young contenders that is, and one (McCarthy) in the making. The nastiest pen since the Nasty Boys, and a team that throws leather around like a Wilsons outlet. TImely hitting is important as well. You have guys having career years ie, Lee, Ramirez, Prior, etc…while future hall of famers like Konerko, Thomas, Dye, and Podsednik haven’t really played to their potential. And yet, we dominate the toughest division in the game. Sox Come Alive in 05′! Have fun in the cellar. Losers.
You tell them Sox Fan.
I see where crystal meth use is alive and strong south of Roosevelt Road.
That may be, but we’re there too. Proof is in the pudding, Sox will win it all, if you can’t see that, than you are drinking the blue Kool Aid. Hermanson, Politte, Cotts, Marte, Takatsu…the numbers, and results don’t lie. The Win or Die Trying Sox might break the 116 win mark, actually, they most likely will break it. Cubs fans need to wake up.
Does anything north of me matter ?
I’m proud of you Sox fan, you’re awesome!!!!! Wheeeeee
The Sox, thanks to the Cubs, will discover what it’s like to have 3 of us.
It’s June 23rd.
And they say Cub fans drink the Kool Aid.
What the White Sox have to do with today’s loss, I have no idea.
Career years? Ask Jon “Judy” Garland where this season stacks up against the other piles of crap he’s put up in the past. White trash bitches.
We had better years in 2003 and 2004 respectively.
The following post had to have been satire:
Intrepid Reader: Sox Fan
June 23rd, 2005 at 5:01 pm
Hey guys, don’t get too down. Your team is average at best, actually they are downright bad. You are just not able to compete with the boys across town. The Sox have 4 legitimate aces, perennial Cy Young contenders that is, and one (McCarthy) in the making. The nastiest pen since the Nasty Boys, and a team that throws leather around like a Wilsons outlet. TImely hitting is important as well. You have guys having career years ie, Lee, Ramirez, Prior, etc…while future hall of famers like Konerko, Thomas, Dye, and Podsednik haven’t really played to their potential. And yet, we dominate the toughest division in the game. Sox Come Alive in 05′! Have fun in the cellar. Losers.
OK, the Cubs are average at best right now, no argument here…. Perennial Cy Young contenders? I’ll say two are “perennial:” (Buehrle and Garcia)… Nasty Boys? The career years comment? The use of Podsednik, Dye, Konerko and “hall of fame” in the same sentence? Toughest division in the game?
Who wrote this?
Hey, it will be fung mang, beating the shit out of those cheater Cubs and their Venezuelan fuck fangs with the cellphone and Old Style, I tell ming pitchers to bean Lee first game. Up yours fuck sticks zing weturyayzjjh akkji dkieks$%!!!
Gee..sure would be nice if Sox fans could spend teir time rooting for the Sox, rather than bitch at Cub fans….4 Aces?? Have you seen McCarthy get pummeled?
Come on….Buerhle is an ace, but Garland is having a career year…El Dukey is hurt….again…Garcia is a solid #3, and this is the first year Contreras hasn’t consistently carpped himself every time he pitched. Calm down….
Tomorrow, I will hit Derrek Lee in the arm or head and end his overacheiving season. Then, the Umps will warn the benches and you poor babies can’t hit us back. You know, because we play the game right, we are grinders…or something…if I don’t do it, Ozzie will tell me I’m no fung and I’m just another Venezuelan fuck! I look like Bald Bull, and Iguchi looks like Piston Honda. Bob Brenly could almost pass for Von Kaiser.
Any chance we can play a night game Friday? We have to attend the World Series parade at noon, assuming our parole officers are willing to look the other way for a day.
Hey, 2005 White Sox. You remind me a lot of me when I was younger. Hopefully you’ll get somewhere in the playoffs, unlike us.
Cashman! Set the time machine for 1998 and get me Chili Davis!
Hey boss, as soon as I am done killing this rare white rhino, I can lace em up again.
Costanza! Where are my calzones??!!
Dave “Douche” B calling someone else white trash? Obviously not a career year for self-awareness.
Why do I exist?
I’m ready to come back Northsiders.
Matt, come visit me in Iowa City. I’d be glad to show you white trash.
Dave B. has a way of slapping on the blinders to all things Cub and focusing his white-hot death rays on the Cards and White Sox. It’s just a little odd to be so fixated with the opposition. Read his postsâ€â€they all deal with shouting down Sox fans, Cards fans, and the idiocy of the Score (which he listens to all day).
WE’RE ALL IDIOTS
Where am I?
Was Andy sleeping over at Spike O’Dell’s house?
Go to the I-Cubs website and vote for some love for the Rally Carp!