Pitching matchup
Cubs: Carlos Zambrano 14-9, 3.86 ERA
Giants: Matt Cain 5-13, 3.78 ERA
Lineups
Cubs
Dance Fever, ss
Jock, cf
MV Lee, 1b
E-ramis, 3b
Fat Kangaroo, rf
PonDeRosa, lf
Captain Caveman, c
Little Lord Fontenot, 2b
Z, p
Giants
Dave “Don’t call me Bip” Roberts, lf
Rajjjji (or whatever) Davis, cf
Randy “I once got traded for Lou Piniella” Winn, rf
Ryan Klesko, 1b
Ray Durham, 2b
Rich Aurilia, 3b
Omar Vizquel, ss
Willie Rodriguez, c
Matt Cain (is not Able), p
I’m a lock.
I saw the Giants lineup and assumed I was on an injury rehab assignment. Wow.
BRAAAVE!!
I finally got done fishing all of the right field turf out of my grill from last night. Did I miss any news?
Colon Blow and New Super Colon Blow!
Jingle: Colon Blow and you-u-u-u in the morning!
Warning: may cause abdominal distention. Consult a physician.
Nice earrings in the photo WGN just showed. Maybe I thought I got traded to the Pirates?
Hoop earrings, pirates, Pirates, get it? Uh…yeah, I’ll just meet you guys in Phoenix.
Kendall’s catching again? I woulda thought for sure we’d see a Whitey and Big Z battery.
What happened to the pic? Showed up in the preview!
[img src= http://snltranscripts.jt.org/89/pics/89ecolonblow3.jpg%5D
You guys are gonna love the reruns of my show on WGN. It’s just like Comedy Central except all the punchlines are bleeped out because you can’t say any of the words on WGN.
I can’t even focus on this game, because I’m too focused on the Cardinals game that starts in 4 hours.
I’ve been trying to post a colon blow picture for two years now. Perhaps I should give up now.
We’re in San Francisco already since we flew in from AZ last night. We’re gonna stop by the park and see what a first place team is supposed to look like.
Well, not Prince, he’ll be up to his armpits in garlic fries by the third inning.
Figured I’d try one last time.
A picture of a blown colon? Trying to post pics of yourself again, Chuck?
I’ve been hitting lots of flyballs lately. It has yet to actually work out, but I’m not giving up!
Ehh. Jock hit another slow roller towards the second baseman, but this one got through, which will only encourage him to keep trying to pull everything.
Day game after a night game and I’m playing? Just trying to show Barry up, I guess.
#14 if that’s what you are looking for, may I point you here:
http://www.toyvault.com/montypython/Mr%20Creosote%20-%20Large.jpg
That’s not Python, it’s Prince in 2009.
We need some power with Soriano out, Rammy.
We’ll be your power!
Oh, the humanity! A blimp has crashed into the stadium! What a tragedy! Oh, no! Oh, wait. Sorry, it’s just Daryle Ward in right field.
And we’ll be your lube!
I’m trying to work, guys.
What is this thing on my hand? I’ll pick the ball up with my other hand that doesn’t have anything on it.
No, WE’LL be your lube!
Gonna be tough for me to focus. I’m worried about my next contract. In 2013.
Day game after a night game. How come I don’t get to catch today?
NOOO! I want to be your lube.
Hey Dave Roberts! Get comfortable on second. You’re gonna be there all inning.
And we’ll report on that crooked league that no one cares about.
I hear ya, Z. I had thoughts of my Labor Day BBQ when I was playing against the Colts.
Don’t need me today? I’ll be in the corner.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Not to get all BC on youse guys, but this is one of those in-the-bag games, that can go terribly wrong.
How’s the visibility today?
I was sorta thinking the same thing #33.
Too bad mlb.com’s Gameday doesn’t have a “Boss Button” – although my boss usually comes over to check the score
I’m up!
Can we wait until we get past the second inning before pissing all over everyone’s positive?
I can rake but I can’t run the bases. One down.
How does a guy that fat fall down that slow?
kendall should do me right here. set up an IBB to Big Z with the bags loaded.
Way to pay attention.
Fat Daryle is a real threat on the bases isn’t he?
i’m an idiot. didn’t see the marsupial get caught off 2nd base. damn gameday.
Talking about the Craig Monroe trade.
“Some guys are better off the bench than playing all the time…”
Daryle gets picked off second.
California rubbing off on Daryle?
Hendry just said, of Soriano, “He’s a tremendous healer.”
Is that the sixth tool?
Or is Jim just a tool?
Hey, Daryle! Easy there big fella.
the latter
More like Michael Barrett rubbing off on Daryle. Wait, that didn’t sound right…
I agree with Fork.
Saying a sweep is a “lock” before a pitch is even throw gives me the creeps.
Two on, two out. This is what they pay me the big bucks for, bitches!
Bring Daryle and Doug Dacenzo to the Leaning Tower and I’ll show you how he falls so slowly.
ZOOOOOOOM!
Hi Mike!
I would have scored there.
My positive started circling the bowl when the Kangaroo got picked off.
Fonty with a hit!
Quality AB there. I especially liked how on strike three he threw the bat intot he dugout. He knows this isn’t the hammer throw, right?
Yeah because it’s our fault Carlos is channeling Soriano at the plate.
never blames his tools.
Gah!
We’re starting to fall off today.
I’m always around the corner.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Wha chu say now putos?
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Carlos didn’t throw his bat into the dugout on purpose. It flew out of his hands when he wildly swung at a pitch over his head. I think it’s how he hurt his left index finger.
That you’ll be at 100 pitches in the 5th
Derrek woke up, and bad Jacqueshit is back. 1-18.
Thanks for the explanation Andy. We’re safe from Carlos’ wrath…for now.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
So is it just hard to hit a homer in this place or is it actually IMPOSSIBLE?
It feels like it’s impossible. No wonder Bonds was on the juice.
We’re going to take it easy until about the 9th or 10th inning today. That’s been working out lately, right?
I’m back.
You gotta admire the fact that we are selling tickets twice to the same game. Once for Sunday’s game that got rained out and another for the September 10th game against the Cardinals.
We interrupt the game so I can tell you that it’s raining. Again.
And I’m gonna take about five minutes to do it.
I’m pounding the greater Chicago-land area right now ogdens.
If I needed to know it was shitty out I’d just notice my apartment is shaking.
I blame skilling on distracting Z
How much was I going to charge the Cubs to actually throw strikes?
Walking the pitcher is fung.
I don’t have any advice for you
Fucking umpire
Carlos you can stop walking guys now.
I didn’t get within ten feet of that.
Good thing they moved me up a day for this shit.
TAKE COVER NOW! IF NO BASEMENT IS AVAILABLE…MOVE TO AN INTERIOR
ROOM ON THE LOWEST FLOOR. MOBILE HOMES AND VEHICLES SHOULD BE
ABANDONED FOR MORE SUBSTANTIAL SHELTER. AVOID WINDOWS!
I may be 5-13, but my ERA is lower than Carlos’. So good luck now.
Dave effing Roberts? Are you kidding me?
Throw strikes you fucking asshole
Two runs won’t win me.
The Charging Cubs have more hits than the Galloping Giants and since that’s the tiebreaker in tie games they just need to score two runs to win!
Am I right?
Huh? Am I?
That deserved to cost two runs. Minimum.
75 through 4. I don’t get this guy. 2 years ago, he was on his way to being the beset pitcher in the game. Today, he’s Forest Gump’s box of chocolates. I like watching Carlos pitch, but I just don’t trust him.
That’s how many of other Cubs’ pitchers would have been safe on that play.
I suck at throwing too.
That’s how many of other Cubs’ players would have been safe on that play.
I’m due.
I spot the Giants a couple of runs and then we come back and win it in the end. That is the game plan for this whole series, right?
Oh, shut up. I’m still one of the best pitchers in the big leagues. You just have to find something new to fucking bitch about every day, don’t you?
Or not.
Nice reference Chuck. You gonna make some timely Chariots of Fire references, next?
Ha. Everyone’s making fun of us all this time for being basement-dwellers. Well, guess what ogdens? Tornado’s coming and everyone’s supposed to head to their basements. Who’s laughing now!?!?
I like that WGN waits until their promos for Scrubs are over before they break into programming to talk about the weather.
Bitchng about Carlos being inconsistent is new? Fine. Jacqueshit is now 1 for his last 19. Serve up some Pie.
Damn close, putos.
Hope everyone in Chicagoland is OK. I miss a good thunderstorm now and then…but not tornado warnings and sirens and all that shit.
I’m about to be made up.
Get ready, bitches
We only sound the sirens when the Sox win. That’s why you haven’t heard them all summer.
Not my best day so far.
Dusty told us that this is a good place to take a nap during a game. So we’re following his advice,
The Cubs will storm back in the 8th inning.
Did I not predict the comeback in game 1 of this series?
Carlos doesn’t have me today.
Wow. I guess we can see why Carlos walked him a couple innings ago.
You can hit me here.
Yeah. Trusting Carlos is real hard.
I’ll be enough today.
Unbelievable.
#117. Agreed. We were jinxed by the sweep overconfidence in #1.
1)I guess it’s not impossible to hit a homer here since a FRAKING pitcher did it.
2) Forget my prediction. I was assuming the game would be 2-0, NOT 4-0. Thanks a lot, Carlos.
I jinxed the team? Reallly?
Fuck you guys.
So it’s 4-0 and the first two runs scored because Carlos walked the pitcher with two outs and the other two scored on a homer to the pitcher.
Guh.
**Head explodes**
I can’t believe we’re losing to this slapdick.
Jinxes are bullshit. When did this board start believing in me and other nonsense.
Jason Kendall is giving off that Gary Gaetti in ’98 vibe isn’t he?
And I have a hunch that Jim Hendry is getting all Ed Lynch over him, too.
I for one do not believe that post #1 jinxed the Cubs. I like the confidence and the cut of it’s jib. I do not like that Matt Murton just grounded into a rally killing double play on the first goddamned pitch. Enjoy Iowa, Ginger.
Murton with a first pitch dp. yech.
Well, I can always chase tail the The Lumberyard when I get back to Des Moines.
I’m the one who said “jinx” – fuck it. Direct your animosity at me; leave everyone else alone. I didn’t mean to upset anyone.
I like fat Iowa strippers.
Double, single, double play, double.
I just cost us a run.
Keep me around for one more year, you know until Geo Soto is ready. How about it?
Watch me kill this rally right here dog
I wonder if Big Earl’s is still open?
Where the 300 lb right fielder got picked off second base to set the tone and the $18 million pitcher threw a million pitches in five innings, let’s blame a post.
Why not just put a hat on the post and call it Craig Monroe?
I am also the suck.
Leave me out of this. I’m not even there yet.
Andy:
You mean the Vibe where he blows off his family because he’s Born Again? No, Kendall doesn’t give off that kind of vibe.
If this post was read aloud, it should be read by the movie preview voice-over guy.
The National Leage ain’t shit. I’m going to be great.
I have a hunch that this park isn’t one of Theriot’s favorites. He almost caught that pop up with his face.
Every flyball is an adventure.
God I want to kill Murton. This guy came up last night with a runner on second and took a meatball down the middle on a 2-0 count.
Today, with a runner on first, he flails away at the first pitch.
When you’ve got runners in scoring position, you need to be looking for a pitch to hit, no matter the count.
When you have a runner on first, you simply need to work the count and get on base.
He may be a patient hitter, but he also doesn’t have a clue. White Jock, indeed.
See if you can spot the dumbell in the picture at the top of the thread.
No, not #11.
I always had a preference for the Outer Limits, the club where old strippers go to die.
Of course, Z was perfect through three innings the other night and then the game gets washed out. But the weather’s frigging perfect for Z’s crap outing today…
I thought the Outer Limits was the club where old strippers went to accidentally pee on the stage.
Hey mayn, peetchers can bee tuff heeters, ya know. And don’t fock wit mee, mayn, I am Z thee magneefeecent!!
Not anymore Andy. We have health code laws now.
They have to wear Depends on stage.
I did saggy-breasted old Iowa stripipers who pee on stage.
Matt’s posts are bringing back memories. And not all of them are good.
You do not want to be getting a lap dance, feel a bulge ask what’s in there and hear, “Depends.”
Depends on what?
No Brian Wilson jokes?
Feel my shallow outfield power.
I guess the plate now has corners?
What’s a Stripiper?
These guys just can’t stand success, can they?
Way to follow up an important win last night, guys.
I must be a lost cause if the conversation turns to skanky Iowa strippers. By the way isn’t skanky, nasty Iowa strippers redundant?
We can’t handle success
We haven’t quite shaken the habits Dusty instilled in us yet.
I just got punked by a no-name slapdick pitching for a last place team.
I happen from time to time. Deal with it you whiny bitches.
Typical Cub luck. If Sunday’s game isn’t on ESPN it’s never played and Z pitches on Monday. Given the way he looked Sunday night they probably win that game and St. Louis is 5 back.
Instead the push Z up a day after short start and he sucks ass.
No fucking excuse for this shit.
At the end of the day, we will still be in first and will have started the road trip by taking 2 out of 3.
But it should have been a sweep. Good teams don’t blow games against last place teams with their ace on the mound. What a fucking waste.
What good am I without the whiney bitches?
#161-163…probably the same guy.
Crappy loss, but you move on. The Cubs scored runs in 4 of the 28 innings they played in and yet they won 2 of teh 3 games. If they took 2 of 3 in the desert, that’ll be a nice road trip. Next week, Z should be on normal rest for the Brewers.
Anyone want some of me? There’s plenty of whine in this room.
I’ll be in Arizona all weekend!
I’ll be in AZ as well!
I’ll also be in Arizona………..but in St. Louis as well.
Geez, who saw this coming?
I agree. Took a road series, that’s all the matters. And we avoid Brandon Webb in AZ.