Pitching matchups:
Game one:
Cubs: Matt Clement 6-3, 2.69 ERA
Pitt: Kip Wells 3-4, 3.86
Game two:
Cubs: Glendon Rusch 2-0, 3.66 ERA
Pitt: Oliver Perez 3-2, 2.96 ERA
Game one lineup:
Cubs
Todd Walker, 2b
Rey Ordonez, ss (God help us)
Moises Alou, lf
E-ramis Ramirez, 3b
Todd Hollandsworth, rf
Derrrrek Lee, 1b
Corey Patterson, cf
Paul Bako, c
Matt Clement, p
Pissburgh
Jason Kendall, c
Jack Wilson, ss
Daryle Ward, rf
Craig Wilson, lf
Rob Mackowiak, 3b
Randall Simon, 1b (He’s alive!)
Bobby Hill, 2b
Tike Redman, cf
Kip Wells, p
Kill me, why am I playing?
What were they?
Rey Ordonez? What, were both Rafael Santana and Kevin Elster busy?
Guess who was activated today.
Barrett could have been batting second, but now we have Rey Ordonez to do that so I figured, why not bring in Bako?
Remember when I hit 2 homers in the #2 spot?
That was awesome!
I hit .292 (7-24) with two doubles, no homers and three RBI at Iowa.
Remember when I used to get on base? That was fun.
At least I’m back to hitting 7th.
Think they’ll pitch around me to get to Bako?
I already said "Battling Buccos!"
Whooo!
I was trying to remember who hit those two homers n the second slot. Are you sure it wasn’t REy.
It must have been Martinez. Damn it, I forgot to include Ramon in the line-up! He’ll be in to pinch-hit later, gotta pick up the slack for Iowa-bound Damian Jackson.
It’s been real fellas, sorry I was a huge piece of sheeeeeee ittttt.
Wonder if we’ll get to do anything today
What is my deal lately?
You’ll play the goddamn bench!
If I got called up, I mean.
What do you mean? I’m finally playing like one of the Cubs!
I didn’t lower my average.
Hey, Ordonez! What the hell? You don’t take the first pitch and ground out on the second. You ground out on the first! Sheesh!
What a moran! I’ll be back in the 2 hole before you know it, Ordonez!
Second grounder off my face.
Third grounder off my shoulder.
I hope the fourth one isn’t headed for my nuts.
baker must of made a mistake by starting ordonez. we definitely know he made a mistake starting bako.
We didn’t want to wear ourselves out.
an infield single? Alou..What is Santo playing?
I think baker stinks
humping and bumping and all of a suddeen——BAKO!
Matt Clement’s batting average is only .025 lower than mine.
Anytime you want to talk Hendry. About 24 mil over 3 should cover it.
personal best today-
1)nobody will cross the plate if i can help it
2)no hits for me today so clement can swing away and not bunt me over
3)after this game i will have the most hated by the fans fans that my own parents will hate me as well
Anytime you want to talk Hendry, bring a gun so you can shoot me. Don’t give the gun to me to shoot myself, I would probably miss.
I’m going to look at 3 strikes.
here goes nothing- another 0 for0-0-0-0-0-0 day.
Derrek loves me
At least I’m consistent
is richie hebner out there? we need someone to play first base.
Hows that guys?
Pitching and Defense wins championships.
could have go on that meeting with Bako to see Hendry? please shoot me too so the cubs fans out there will not be insane.
That’s okay, we’ll get ’em in the top of the 3rd, leading off with Bako!
Feel free to continue to eat the bats these guys don’t need em.
are we not surprised? we knew after hollandsworth grounded out that was all she wrote.
Better hurry Hendry it could be 30 mil over 3
guys this is our game plan- i shut these guys out and you as hitters please score me one run. that’s all i’m asking you sorry bastards.
on second thought, i might as well hit the homerun myself. i wouldn’t want you shameless sons of bitches to get any credit.
I wonder how bad I’ll suck today?
watch this guys. you will hate me after this one.
HORRIBLY, there is no alternative.
bako look at wendell kim.
i think i just erupted. bako just got a hit!
Wait a second, did Jeff make a movie about me?
When did this happen? Why hasn’t there been any publicity on it?
Holy Crap!
this is the first time i can remember getting that lead off batter on. it had to be bako to boot too.
This is how much I get every time I mention the valiant "This Old Cub."
Sincerely,
Pat
The Cubs are completely allergic to us…Achooooo!
Bench this!
Fear me! Move the meter to lousy!
I am the GREAT PAUL BAKO I hit the ball
Please tell me this is not on.
Here I come to kill the rally.
Did I just try a squeeze?
"Try"
OH MY GOD I SUCK SO MUCH
OH MY GOD I SUCK SO MUCH
Is it possible this will be my first and last game as a Cub?
guys i need a little guidance. i don’t know how to play baseball. you try and be this dumb and play the game.
Let me guess, I was out by 40 feet?
Such I say it a third time because there simply isn’t enough emphasis on how bad a player I truly am?
Man, I hate you guys.
Whew, we almost scored.
i swear we know how to make things hard on ourselves. we act like newborn children that don’t know any better.
Am I related to Zsa Zsa and Eva? I think Zsa Zsa would at least take contact with a runner trying to score.
i thought i would do my jim edmonds impersonation on that.
you guys ready for my early game jam here. no problem, here it comes.
was i even within five feet on that base hit?
i wish you could gamble on the cubs fuckups. they are so predictable. you could be a rich man.
Why did I walk the pitcher?
hey have you seen the batting average of facing the opponnet’s pitchers? i had to walk wells.
thats why
I think everyone should click them eight times whenever Mr. Bako gets a hit!
That will get Andy some more hits at least twice a month!
We don’t know how to score, either.
Who am I, Korey? Jeez.
LOOK AT ME
RBI
Holy shit, what am I doing on the Cubs scoreboard?
Wheeeee!
Everybody in the dugout looks confused.
"77 two out runs scored this year".
Only 640 1-2-3 innings to gl along with that!
I hope I get on for more base-running hijinks!
I think you all are forgetting – I was all city in high school!
i’m a slow starter, i can’t hit in cold weather, i already have "my" world series ring- excuses, excuses, excuses,- either put up or shut the hell up. i’m so sick of you striking out and being a rally killer. please, you are getting to be as hated as bako.
I like walking the pitcher, too.
i thought i would pay back matty c. back by walking him too.
Thanks for returning the favor
i should show bako how to run the bases.
show us why we signed you.
clement stopped on his own – I was waving him to third!
Baserunners!!! I can have me some fun with this.
I can wheel. Hell, with this offense, I have to.
I bet we can pull off not scoring somehow.
Ooh, like that, for instance.
Is this game on TV? I can’t find the station — Fox Sports Chicago is not showing it …
Just as easy as that.
Fox sports plus
= 3 outs
i’d be a rich man with all those cub fuckups. basesloaded and nobody out and we don’t score. typical cub bullshit.
too
channel 640 on direct tv
and they suck too
i will die if the cubs keep playing like this.
Did that just happen? Bases loaded with no outs the heart of the batting order and no runs scored?
Has Wendell Kim been fired yet?
Has Sarge been fired yet?
Has Paul Bako been fired yet?
Only the Cubs could refuse to fire these three people.
Yikes.
I bet we’ll score some runs with the bases loaded and nobody out.
B.C., look what happened after I decided not to always fire people when they fuck up in the early 90s…
bases loaded again no outs but this time for the Pirates
Patience people. Panic gets you nowhere.
Can I panic now?
I haven’t seen this place so negative since … well, maybe game 7, but at least we kept a sense of humor about it.
It’s a game! It’s fun! Yeah, the Cubs are playing like crap! But if Bako and Wavin’ Wendell are gone, whom do we make fun of?
No. There will be no panic.
I must kill the panickers!
If Bako were gone we could make fun of him while he was screwing things up for ANOTHER TEAM!!!
Just get this guy off the Cubs, please, somebody…
B.C.,
Did you know that I did NOT, repeat did not, invent the Baco Bit?
OK, Panic!
Ah, the Cubs are headed to the south side of me again. I haven’t had them there since last July.
Of course, they only needed Prior on the DL 2 weeks to get there back then.
Well done, Todd! Just like I showed you, buddy!
This. Team. Sucks.
Yeesh.
thank you
You heard it, BC, I just said this may be the Cubs’ worst inning of the year!
Matt, we’ve disowned you! Go Pirates!
we’re playing like your local tee-ball Cubs. we have know idea how to play this game.
No. 130, you should learn the difference between "no" and "know" before calling into question paid professionals’ ability to perform some of the hardest tasks in sports.
Matt, if you’re going to hit someone, at least injure them.
Three guys, and not one broke anything?
And not one brawl?
Kerry,
I got injured by a pitched ball and didn’t even get awarded first base. I simply meekly argued, stayed in to strike out against Casey Daigle and then left the game.
We challenge the Cubs. They Suck
you might as well put me on the dl after this game. i’m done for the season. at least you don’t have to sign me to a big contract.
Wasn’t I supposed to pitch Tuesday?
Later Clement you’re washed up
Whew! Tough crowd.
They should have demoted Kerry Wood in 1998 when he got rocked at Dodger Stadium.
Of course, one start later, he fanned 20 Astros.
Yeah, Clement sucks. He’s the reason the Cubs are horrible this year. He hasn’t come up with gritty performances when the club’s needed it.
I always give a gritty performance
Have I ever had a 1-2-3 inning?
Well I just struck out… I fit in well here.
Hey come one guys Im on base
If anything I can maybe get a web gem every now and then.
Good I can sit back down
4-8 this year with a homer vs LH.
Who am I?
clearly, i can’t be trusted with the bases laded and the game on the line.
Hell ya!!
Say hello to Granny
thank you jesus!
I’m good.
We don’t believe in it.
Don’t worry, they didn’t take me out.
I want to reverse that trade of Miller. Barrett sucks. Yeah right. I am a #@$%in’ genius.
Who wants to get on me?
I’m 5 homers shy of my career high..Anyone think I’ll break that record?
Oh yeah screw Pudge
You know what’s hilarious?
If the Cubs had Pudge, they’d still start Bako every 5th day.
I AM I THE CUB MVP
Yup gotta get my worthless start
They have #18 playing shortstop, no way Alou is playing short, Dusty is really desperate.
I’m back!!!
Think Hendry trades for me???
I struck out. But at least I saw about 7 pitches.
It’s in good hands people, let me handle it. Base Loaded….Warning track fly out to end it. No problem.
Coming to an end.
God bless… anybody who likes Borowski is out of their mind.
Thanks for playing!
Maybe lightning can hit the fork sticking out of JoBo…
F-you Joe go back to Mexico. You just f*** the whole season up.
Thank you very much.
Jesus Christ.
ERA = 8.20
But he’s still the closer, right Dusty?
Wait until you see me
It’s just like Toronto!
Boys, I think I’ll run the team here in the second game.
I’m batting #5 and playing right…a couple hits and I’m starting tomorrow, right?
I’m in the dugout with my hand down my pants.
Season. Is. Over. Cubs. Stink.
Time to start retooling the team for 2005.
There ya go boys
Usually, I’m a pragmatist. However, the top 40% of your rotation, along with your leading HR threat, are on the DL. The man who SHOULD be closing should be assuming that role any day.
Lee ain’t hitting for shit, and I’m still holding out hope.
With all this, we’re still in the race.
With retards managing Houston and STL.
Can’t give up yet.
Who’s yo’ daddy???
Am I wearing extra bright pants?
Did I just ask if I could drive Ron Santo’s Chevy?
Who is this imposter in Korey’s uniform???
What happened? Patterson homered, and everyone died of shock?
What happened? Patterson homered, and everyone died of shock?
Jesus H. Christ.
I’m done with this team.
FUCK!!!
FUCK!!! FUCK!!! FUCK!!!
Mackoviak is suddenly Babe Fucking Ruth? What the fuck gives???
This game was lost in the TOP of the 9th. Bases loaded and no one out with Ramirez and Lee due up.
Requirement: Minimum of 2 runs.
Result: line out, double play.
End analysis: Dead team.
did the daytona cubs show up instead today?
Need to Go Fuck Themselves!!!
Andy, you’re right. The Cubs are playing the AAA Pirates. Unfortunately, the Cub roster right now looks like the St. Paul Saints. Not pretty.
It wouldn’t hurt to have a major leaguer or two who can play a little on the roster. Just a thought.
You’ll have to pull this boat anchor all by yourself I’m afraid Dolan. I’m outta here on these deadbeats. See ‘ya next year!
PS–Why not just sit Prior and Wood the rest of the year to make sure they have no long-term arm damage? This year is toast, no sense in pushing things.
We’re in 5th place!! We’re in 5th place!! Yay??
Also, one-half game out of last place. Where we’ll likely finish the season.
Two ugly fucking games. Twice with the bases loaded an no outs we get no runs. Unfuckingbelievable. Twice we give up homers to Macovihack. Well, we stuck a fork in Borowski, and Hawkins just had the world’s shortest closer’s stint…who’s next?
3rd. 2.5 games behind Reds, 1.5 behind the Astros. Tied with the Cardinals. But yeah, by the time this series is over, 5th place seems very possible. Derrek Lee is a waste of space.
Kick Cub fans when they’re down? With pleasure.
My Sox are rockin’ while the Cubs prepare for their June swoon.
The Sox? I thought you guys moved to Tampa back in ’90…
Gotta let Sox fans have their fun. Other than beating up 1st base coaches and appearing in pictures with Iraqi prisoners, what else do they have?
Also enjoy sex with their sisters, fellating german shepherds, saving their $220/wk salaries by not buying hygiene products and not going to their dump of a ballpark.
Can any of you Cubs fans ever imagine going to a Sux website? Again, the inferiority complex and ignorance of Sux fans shows every day. Inbreeding usually rears its ugly head.
Maybe the Sox fan’s only show up at Desipio for half price night.
Every night is half-price night at Desipio.
Now please, click those Google ads!
Ay, the baseball gods are making the Scrubs pay for my murder….
So I turn on the Saturday game and Jimmy Anderson is pitching and sucking, so the Cubs have Michael Wuertz warming up in the pen.
Holy crap.
This pitching staff reads like spring training.
20 years later, and 9 miles north….