Pitching matchups:
Fla: AJ Burnett, 3-4, 3.09 ERA
Cubs: Greg Maddux, 5-3, 4.11 ERA
Lineups
Marlins
Juan Pierre, cf (beware of the ivory covered walls)
Luis Castillo, 2b
Miguel Cabrera, lf
Carlos Delgado, 1b
Mike Lowell, 3b
Paul LoDuca, c
Juan Encarnacion, rf
Alex Gonzalez, ss
AJ Burnett, p
Cubs
Neifi!, ss
Corey Patterson, cf
Derrek Lee, 1b
Jeromy Burnitz, rf
E-ramis, 3b
Todd Walker, 2b
Todd Hollandsworth, lf
Michael Barrett, c
Greg Maddux, p
There it is…now my shakes can stop…
I almost ran into that ivory twice last night. Somebody ought to put up a warning sign out there.
You 2005 Cubs are lucky, we had to face the vaunted David Weathers, you got the cupcakes Willis, Beckett, and Burnett. Lucky f@#%s!!!
Hey Juan, don’t you hate it when people assume we’re Dominican? I get that shit every day. I speak English! Well, sort of, I’m from Georgia.
Come on Maddux. Just pitch like I’ve been telling you!
Hey Juan, I think that’s what I’m there for…
I thought the track was for the guys who can’t read.
Hey, this looks like one of my innings!
I’ve got my good stuff today.
Well, shit. This Maddux guy is horrible!
Well, that didn’t take long…
At least I’ve only thrown 5 pitches…
I hope Bob can explain to us again how the Cubs shift against Delgado is a defense against him hitting home runs. He’s tried to prove that point twice in the two days. Unless you have guys hanging off the right field basket, are you really defending the homer?
It just is, dammit!
My balls hurt.
Regardless of the HR, have I worked even once during this series?
What, you mean apart from when he hit it right at me, just then?
I hate America…gimme more money !!!
Want me to hang off the basket and guard Banks Blvd?
Greg, just pretend you’ve got a blister.
Yeah, I’m not watching. Just reading. I thought Delgado hit a HR from the original comment.
Just trying to get the first time through the order over with. Then I’ll have these guys set up for the rest of the game.
We shouldn’t be surprise, the Baker Basher predicted a Maddux gem. Anyone think the basher is a goat? I’m beginning to wonder…..
Offensive explosion coming up!
Hey, that’s okay – there’s fourteen runs of support coming my way, right?
If I am catching today, I slap Greggie.
I may throw hard for the first few innings, but my 4 seamer is straight as an arrow.
I’m 56 today. That’s about 54 years of talking absolute shite.
This web site should be called “Dipshitio.com”
Any time one of you f#$%nuts wants to get on base is okay with me.
Nice try there A.J.
“Dipshitio”?
Isn’t he a reliever for the White Sox?
Why would this site be named after you, Baseball Fan?
Whoa…that’s funny stuff…clever. Dipshitio…HA! Wait, is this a baseball blog, too?
Maybe A.J. Burnett has pine tar in his glove…
Naw, that’s just blood from my skoal stained gums.
Dipshitio y Medildo son mis hermanos.
That’s an error on the throw, but not on the fielder. He wasn’t there.
See Korey there is a way to get on base
What’s a commercial? I’m just gonna keep on talking.
That Pierre has some larceny in his veins.
I’m a dumbshit.
Except that they’re spelled different here in America, right, Horkis?
Right on both counts, Dusty
I’m glad Dusty doesn’t bat Derrek and E-ramis back to back. You wouldn’t want to have E-ramis with more chances to drive Derrek in or anything.
Dude,
I read one of those letters LaTroy got and they told me to put a white guy in between the two brothers.
sarcasm
But you have to keep the balance in the lineup Andy…
YOU MUST KEEP THE BALANCE!!!
/sarcasm
We finally made a funny commericial this year.
Am I 18 or eight?
That little punk has my number!
Mine, too!
He’s a smart little mormon. He already called us the “best fans in baseball.”
I’m sure he means it.
If I was a Cardinal’s fan, I’d swoon…Mark Pawelek likes us!
I kinda look like Funky Winkerbean.
How was that pop up guys?
34 pitches through 3 innings bitches. Shut out time.
What a month.
I’m 1 for my last 16 with 5 strikeouts.
But it’s OK. That .063 average is below my June average of .163.
Don’t trade me. I’m a future All Star. I’m Young.
And my June OBP is .196
Come on Len.
What am I doing today?
Yeah, that Patterson kid, we want him. We’ll give you Enrique Wilson for him…what?…you already have Enrique?, um okay…forget about it.
AJ, you’ll get injured before you go 9 innings.
Damn I look good today.
Hey, dudes, how long do you think I’ll go with Patterson batting second? Another series? Week? Month?
I seem to want another surgery.
How’s the visibility today?
Just watch out for those blisters and hangnails, AJ. They’re killer.
I’m only batting second because I told Dusty that it was okay if Lee hits 3rd. See, I’m a team player.
I’m over.
I look good today, no?
Yeah. Don’t want the Pierre guy. His OBP is as bad as Korey’s.
Well, through 2 months of this year.
Don’t look at any other years.
Pat: And the Cubs are going with undecided on Sunday. The Yanks will counter with Mike Mussina.
Ron: And who are we going with?
Pat: [silence]
Ron: Who’s pitching for the Cubs?
(Only slightly paraphrased).
Yikes.
Today is one of those days I look really old and overmatched, you guys should be used to this now. At my age, with my velocity, this kind of stuff happens sometimes.
As I posted on Monday, avoid getting swept with these pitching match-ups should be considered a success. And to count on Maddux as a part of the 2006 rotation is probably not a good idea. Lefties are killing this guy. As good as he’s been the last couple of outings, this game is a disaster.
If I can’t win this, I’ll make sure nobody else has the chance either.
That’s one thing we’ve learned about Greg. There will be days like this one when he’s got nothing. Thankfully they don’t happen often. On the other hand, maybe we’ll get to see Rich Hill’s MLB debut! Or something.
Go Yankees!
Hey, I’m pitching!
I’d like to have Pierre on the Cubs, but I’ve got to admit that Juan watching Burnitz’s fly ball plunk into the ground last night was one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a while. Corey or Little Jerry at least would have run over and let it hit off their gloves.
Hey son, I play for the Astros now. The Pride of Texas…yee haw…and so on…
It’s true, I would have let it clank off my iron glove. I’m crappy, but scrappy!
Now I’m over.
Well I was about to put that this is when you start rooting for your fantasy guys on the other team. In which Delgado is on my fantasy team. Thanks Todd/Maddux.
Whoops!
9-1, 0-14, 8-0.
If that’s what my series is gonna look like, I’ll take the ass kicking.
This is freakin’ embarrassing.
They actually need us today.
You can close the book on Maddux……Thank God!!!!!!!
“Did you hit a home run today?”
“Did you hit a home run today?”
“Did you hit a home run today?”
Six runs. All that inning lacked was two more runs and a Bartman sighting.
We are awesome!!! Are you gonna continue to write about how great we are?
I might not be enough today.
Bring me in Jack! I can make a game of this.
Hey, if you can get AJ out of the game, you never know…
We like what we have, we’re gonna stand pat here this season.
The Cubs? They no good team. Good teams don’t get hammered by expansion teams at home.
Like us. Monday and Tuesday nights was fung.
This is where we struggle to show the rest of the game or the Fresh Prince of Belair.
Any chance of a hurricane going through and raining this game out?
Hey Ozzie, I was once the manager of the team that cranked you guys the last 2 nights. Did you know that?
What the hell is Burnitz doing?
Honesty compels me to say that the cubs were done in by the Marlins’ two-out magic in the fateful fourth inning.
Now all we need is a THREE RUN JACK!
My ERA currently sits at 4.68, I am hoping to have it up around 5.00 or so by my next start.
Not to worry. We’ll get the Cubs well in a hurry. If we don’t, be afraid. Be very afraid.
Not giving up 8 runs in 4 innings, and not batting the hitters struggling the most right now 1 and 2 might make us well in a hurry, too.
Would you like me to dial … aw, never mind.
Andy:
When is the next Front Office installment? I’m jonesing for a fix Big Shoe fix.
I haven’t seen a game this ugly since yesterday.
You want ugly?
I’m getting tired of saying “the Cubs go quietly”
Aren’t I a starting pitcher?
I think it’s time for D-Lee, Burnitz, and Aramis to grab some bench for the rest of this day and enjoy their day off tomorrow. And getting Hill some mound time is a great way to get his feet wet for his start next Tuesday in Milwaukee.
What kind of radar guns do they use in the minors? Because they must be special ones. I don’t see any mid 90’s out there.
How’s Hill look? What’s the gun reading? He’s supposed to have a wicked curve.
The Rally Carp tired me out last night…
The Cubs were credited with 2 wins yesterday. And we’re credited with 2 wins for today. Right? Right?
Did I ever tell you how I feel we were slighted by the whole Bartman thing? Did you know I’m still bitter that the 1984 Cubs are more beloved than my 1984 Padres, the team that I built that BEAT the Cubs? Same thing about the 2003 Marlins. Aw, shit. I should stop taking jobs in places that might enjoy nice weather, good looking babes, beaches and apathetic fans.
Gotta go and eat some pudding.
Time for the Fresh Prince
How do you like my Rich Hill mask?
I’m fucking Zito and Koufax!
Someone tell me every pitch doesn’t have to be a strike… please…
I can’t speak for Zito but I like women.
What? Rich Hill’s Jewish?
It’s not worth avoiding work to listen anymore…I’d rather work.
Wait, did Santo just call me “E.B.?” Why, that no good son of a… That’s it, I’m never voting for him in the Veteran’s Committee.
Curve was pretty nasty coming inat 71 mph. Fastball underwhelming at 88 mph, and I seem to miss up in the zone with it…a good deal.Curve is nice though.
I also said in so many words that Corey Patterson sucks. I am a devotee to Ivy Chat. Let’s Read Two!
How much do you think Corey is paying me to say all of this?
Time for a 2-out, 12-run rally!
What did Ernie say about Korey? I missed it. Had actual work to do.
What did Ernie say about Korey? I missed it. Had actual work to do.
And A.J. Burnett is hit by the pitch. It’s about time, it’s 12-0.
I said he’s not playing with any confidence, that he’s too anxious and that he’s not the same hitter he was in ’03. Santo agreed with me, of course.
So why am I out of the game?
Gee, can I find my way off the bench, maybe get an at-bat today? It took until the 8th inning in last night’s blowout…
I am so done.
To keep my ERA under 20
home stand after today 4-5. Ship them out west.
The good news in all of this might be that those of us who don’t have Maddux on our fantasy teams can probably swing a trade for him at an all-time low rate. I’m currently offering Omar Vizquel for Greggie’s dead ass. Can’t lose there.
I love you all, I…um…zzzzzzzzz…I totally agree with everything EB says…
Colon Blow and you-u-u-u in the morning.
Warning: may cause abdominal distention. Consult a physician.
What? Castillo hit a home run? What hell? Was Bartman sitting in the basket with Harry’s fishing net or what?
The Cubs cut it to 14! And Ernie’s completely insane.
SAY WHAT AGAIN!
I was in a meeting…how we doin’?
Well, if we can get a quick score here, I think the defense can give us a chance to get the ball back and tie this motherfucker,
The Cubs have given up 2 homers to Luis Castillo in this series. Unfuckingbelievable.
We’re back in this one!
Was pinch-hitting for Lee just to take any joy possible out of this game?
Here’s your field goal, Lovie
The lead is down to ten.
And Ernie’s not just nuts, he’s annoying.
I think he and Ronnie Woo Woo are the same person.
I can hit the trey! 4 possession game!
If the Cubs keep me up the final three innings, we’re going extra frames… Well, the bullpen would have to shut the Marlins down.
Hey, this will make four and a half innings all season that I haven’t played in. Brother needs a nap.
No, really, Jack. Leave me in. I’m not tired or anything. You pudding eating, pitcher-killing motherfucker.
Hey, I may be nuts, annoying and an embarrassing mascot, but haven’t I earned the right to do that? I played in the FUCKING NEGRO LEAGUE for Christ’s sake. Phil Wrigley almost didn’t sign me because he thought Gene Baker was all the soul he needed on the 1953 Cubs. Good thing John Holland suggested I’d be a good roommate for Baker (God forbid the races mix back then), and I have been loyal to a fault to the Wrigleys and the Cubs.
The big possum walks late!
Ernie,
I respect everything you did as a player. But you’re a cook now. Go get another hat with your name on it.
Love,
Andy
Hey Burnt-tits….I am the master of the useless Home run, not you.
Who wants to buy an NL MVP trophy?
I already sold the other one.
Are you sure about that Leon?
Nice to see me go first to third, huh? Don’t get used to it.
Did someone say master of useless homeruns.
here come the cubs, tra la tra la
Sosa, you are simply Lord of All Uselessness.
Go swing a rumbottle at Sonia, or something.
You might want to get her to stop sucking Raffy’s cock first, though. Wouldn’t want to hurt him
Where’s Chad Fox? Let’s use him.
I get to hoof a few at SS today. Nice!
5 runs in the colon blow inning. How’d we do last year under Jesus?
Remember me bitches?
I was Jose Macias before Jose Macias.
Uh oh, better bring in a lefty pitcher now… it’s THE Lenny Harris…
Besides Burnitz, everybody involved in this game wishes baseball had me.
We sure follow the leader well..If one of us can’t pitch the whole lot of us catch the fever too.
Oh shit, we forget how to get people out.
Dude, we need our closer in now…
I’m sure. It was a contest between me and Ron Cey. I won, so I got to be in a movie.
Make me proud, Korey.
3 walks! That’s incredible!
Oh, that’s 3 for June.
I don’t know what happened. I was all ready to swing and then they just made me stop batting and go to first! What’s that all about?
Now, THAT’s the Korey we know. Pulling defeat from the jaws of victory.
What a fuckstick.
Chuck, I couldn’t disappoint you. Had to get picked off.
Gotta be at least 4 times in the last 2 years he’s been out on an overslide.
He wasn’t. What you want him to do in that situation?
I’d rather overslide the bag 4 times than underslide it. I’ve been playing the game for a long time, I should know what I prefer.
We tend to play like shit alot of times.
The Cubs have never won a game in me. Will Carlos Zambrano break that streak?
My team is in first place, your team sucks, and you losers are still paying two thirds of my gargantuan salary. Hee hee hee hee. Baseball been bedy bedy bad to you cub fans. Hee hee hee heee.
I am the worst shortstop ever.
Jim Hendry is spineless. He didn’t have the guts to tell Dusty Baker to shut up and manage last year when Dusty was whining about Steve Stone and he won’t have the guts to fire the idiot. He’ll just keep spewing the same crap about Dusty being a three time manager of the year, as if that means something.
I sure did give up a lot of runs yesterday.
So did I Dusty…it happens. Do you like my dreadlocks?