Pitching matchup:
St. Louis: Danny Haren, 0-0, 0.00 ERA
Cubs: Carlos Zambrano, 6-2, 2.27 ERA
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Pitching matchup:
St. Louis: Danny Haren, 0-0, 0.00 ERA
Cubs: Carlos Zambrano, 6-2, 2.27 ERA
Who am I?
Uh, Biggio, we should check in on Desipio more often. We can get free condoms!
Chip and Beege you need me too?
Womak
Renteria
Anderson
Rolen
Lassie
Sanders
Mabry
Molina
Haren
Walker
Barrett
Alou
E-Ramis
Hollandsworth
Lee
Patterson
Martinez
Zambrano
I’m a minor league pitcher that the Cardinals are calling up from Memphis to take the place of Jason Marquis, who has a sore back. So Taguchi has been sent to Memphis in my place.
Wouldn’t I be a better spokesman for Stub Hub than that idiot Mike North?
Jim Edmonds is respondsible for me.
Memphis (PCL) AAA
6-2
3.93 ERA
1.31 WHIP
87 K
21 BB
I’m pretty good.
I meant he’s respondsible for my sore back
So are we going to make crazed over-under predictions about today’s game?
Go Cubs!, but try and reign it in a little today when things don’t go right. Being a Freddy Freakout over a grounder to short is a bit much.
Yeah, I like their chances today, but you have to keep the Satanic Red Fowl to less than 5 runs or you aren’t going to win.
Click on my name to see my stats from last year’s cup of coffee with the Cards. I’m not that good.
Lassie is back in Center.
What’s with the gay jokes all day, all night? I hate the Cardinals as much as the next Cubs fan, but why is it that so many posters feel the ultimate insult is to sling the homo label? Real original… in fourth grade.
Whatever…fag.
I agree with 4th grade
Children, stop playing games and concenrate on whooping some Satanic Red Fowl ass. Just look at Carlos he is so quiet. Carlos why is your face red? You can breathe.
I wonder if I’ll ever face the Farns?
Because you always take it in the ass.
Yeah! He’s gay! Gay, I tells ya! Tee-hee, that is so funny. Man, there is no way you’re going to peel yourself off the floor after getting pasted with a gay joke. There is NOTHING worse than being gay. NOTHING!
Get some new material, David Brenner.
DIE Cards, the lawnmower owns you.
Tony L. wouldn’t let me pitch again today, sorry Cub fans. And they call him the genius.
I am the dominator…
I’m trying to figure out the new way the Cubs will come up with today to blow the gmae…
Shut up and go back to Memphis Haren.
Anyone watching the game think Z’s getting squeezed? The image on sportsline seems to suggest it.
Hey look, somebody can get Scott Rolen out!
So you imply they blew the game yesterday? Yeah, 12-4 is a squeaker that turned on one blown play. Office Worker #25, I agree, he’s looking like he got goosed.
Too afraid to pitch to me.
Blow it out your asses, Cub fans.
See I can take some pitches.
How long before you all ponder how the Cubs will blow this? Get your heads out of the oven…
We scored a run w/bases juiced and fewer than 1 out.
Don’t look at me, Lee. I didn’t know what to do, either.
I wasn’t implying they blew the game yesterday, because they didn’t.
I WAS implying they have done it most of the year at the times they least needed to do it. But yesterday’s game was just downright awful in about every respect.
Yes, I am one of the ways you can score with the bases loaded. Happy to oblige, Cubs.
Lood at the Cubs’ bench
Bench AVG R HR RBI
P. Bako C .229 0 0 2
D. Kelton LF .111 1 0 0
J. Macias LF .291 8 1 8
J. Dubois RF .182 0 0 1
R. Ordonez SS .111 1 0 2
Okay, it looks like Lee was thrown out at home, was this Kim’s fault again?
Everthing had to be perfect for Lee to be out. How come that has been the case the whole year. Just once I want to hear Ron say that JACKASS!!
So it’s a toss-up between me and Glendon to pinch-hit later on
If you are implying, you have to assume the implication could be misread. Most good writers don’t imply. But you’re not a good writer. Based on your "It should be 4-2 Cubs" rant yesterday, I was expecting more "It’s the umps, stoopid!" chanting.
I’d choose Rusch, he’s got more homeruns as a Cub than you do, Gabor. Actually Santo, doesn’t usually hold back on hammering Wendell Kim. It’s usually in the heat of the moment, Kim will send a guy and Santo will scream "what is what’s his name doing?"
Was that a page out of the Cubs stupidbook by walking Korey? Man, Tony, you and Dusty could make the third Dumb and Dumber moive.
Too bad I’m gone, I have more home runs as a Cub than Bako, too.
Here we go again, running ourselves out of an inning. We get a break by Edgar Diahreaa’s throwing error, and Wavin gets the Cards out of a jam. The Cubs got to be on pace this year for having the most guys thrown out.
Blame Lee on that dead-at-the-plate play. He gets to wear that stink this time, not Wendell.
i thought the 1,000th hit was tough.
Most good writers can say whatever they want if they can connect to the audience and get them to think. Obviously, I’ve done that in your case reader #39. I’ve said something that tweaked your interest and made you feel a little less significant.
On yesterday’s GameCast, I made that one point based on the fact that Prior did get screwed on the strike zone during the Womack at-bat. In the end, however, it didn’t matter as the Cubs bullpen stunk it up in the last couple innings.
And, look up some news editorial or sports columnist articles sometime… They imply things just as much as I or anyone else does.
Are we actually the ones scoring runs now?
Andy:
Cut the shit out of calling me the Lawnmower. Everytime I read that I think of this:
![]("http://www.co-opliving.com/coopliving/issues/2002/June/images/ch_grasscutters.jpg"/)
I will be filling in for Ron Santo in Anaheim.
why Bako bashing today? the guy actually hasn’t done too bad lately. i’d say there are others that need more bashing. maybe try our bullpen for starters.
This is what you should think of. A smooth pitcher with ice in my veins.
Going to the opposite field really isn’t working out for me today
Another brief point: At least we scored one there. Usually it’s nothing.
Oh, shut up. I like the attention.
I hit a grand slam last night
So did I!
Just to clarify, there were no gay jokes about me until last year’s story about the time I had to carry a naked Edgar Renteria out of the shower when he had a "back spasm". Usually, the Desipio readers mock me for molesting dogs.
Which, of course, is true.
Damian:
What were the ladies names, how much do they charge per hour, and where can they be reached?
Lassie,
Call me.
Rin
Hey, B.C., please stop the roller coaster of "We suck/We rule!" that is your fandom. It smacks of "me too" writing. You sound like depression is always just around the corner with the sentiment of ‘We scored one, but usually don’t.’
Try this on for size: "Cool! We have a lead with Zambrano on the mound!" instead of "Hey, a run… Wait until they blow this…"
Dr. Kevorian could do wonders for you.
Zamboni’s pitches and innings. We’re looking at 3 innings from the pen unless he gets a short inning soon.
The whore’s name was John Riedling, you can find her in Cincinatti.
That would be on pace for 111 through 7. But a nice 6 pitches would be nice for a frame.
Hey Lassie, any money in Collie Molesting?
#60, optimism is fine… However, what have the Cubs done in the last couple years to make me think optimistically? What have the Bears done? What have Illinois football or basketball done?
Those are my teams. And they have done nothing to allow me to think optimistically. That’s why I am like I am when it comes to these teams.
Am I the only person on this team with any baserunning skills? How many extra bases have I taken on questionable throws from the opponent?
Ah, s#it. I’m next!
Actually, I’ve driven in 9 runs in 2 games against the Reds.
Atlanta 4
Detroit 3
Bot 7th
Colorado 4
Yankees 6
Bot 6th
Montreal 0
Royals 0
Rain Delay/Top 1st
All the other action is later.
Thank god you won’t see me this inning.
No intentional walk for me this time?? The Genius is slipping!
It’s fantastic!
Actually, I’ve handed the lead over to Detroit. I’m about to run out of fingers to count their updated run total.
Am I figuring it out? And is a Double Steal worth considering?
Just having one of those days, Alf?
Looks like the Cards will be in their pen momentarily.
Did corey just go ten straight pitches without swinging?
Good time for a squeeze play.
I guess I am still a phuck up.
So, it woulda been 1st and third, one out and the second best hiting pitcher in the league (Rusch) due up?
God, am I a moran.
If I don’t replace Macias as the Desipio Cub Scrub, I’ma be pissed.
I’m a five-tool player.
I can hurt the team five ways
1. strike out
2. ground into a double play
3. misplay a fly ball into a triple
4. miss the cut off man
5. Try to steal at the wrong time.
I’m money!
4 to 1 with the top of the order and still only one out.
Oh, wait…
Oops, I would have scored, and there’d be 1 out. BUT I took a WALK, people!
I’m picking up Alf in Detroit. Alf only walked one guy in and wild pitched another in. 4 runs in 2/3. Bravo.
Still Here.
Still Hate.
Haren’s doing fine. Stick with him.
Yeah, dude, hate me, I’m terrible.
Slaughter Rule is 9-0! We win!
Oh, wait….
The Cubs manufactured an inning! Hey, you don’t see this every month…
Back-to-back jacks? That’s what Beege and I do for a change of pace and touch our butt cheeks.
Haren’s ERA and Pujols’s DOB
Are we going to have to send a St. Bernard out to Center Field to rescue Mssr. Edmonds?
You guys gave me the lead. Not let me go!
Vroom!
You guys gave me the lead. Now let me go!
Vroom!
Take it easy on me guys, I intentionally got caught stealing, so that the team could perform some of that TWO OUT MAGIC!
Now I keep the no-no going by beaning people and setting up DPs. It’s a win-win.
Haren’s about to find his stuff. Am I a sadistic bastard or what?
NOT THE BULLPEN!
Lemme bean B.C. first for being a little asshole who can be negative about an 8-run inning.
Let’s hope this is a sign of things to come. And not the usual "Ten run game a month" that gets our hopes up that the offense could actually be coming around.
How about Dusty’s comment on how Edmonds "hits the ground once a day just to get the uniform dirty"? It’s not just Desipiots who think Edmonds is a preener and a glamour queen.
I think Haren wants to get the hell back to AAA right now.
I love these 8+ run innings
No one wants to end this inning.
I can get a jump on this Eldred. I’m going.
Hey, now that it doesn’t matter I will hit a homer for you guys.
Are we going to bat around twice in one inning?
I got these on today.
I hope this doesn’t affect my bid for Cub Scrub. The inning had to end sometime.
Uh, I did drive in the first run of the inning, and after the way our bullpen performed yesterday, can any home run be considered "meaningless"?
#111 has a point, if our bullpen looks the way it did yesterday giving up 11 runs would be no real problem for them.
This one isn’t over yet buddy!
Well, if 11 would have been no real problem, what would 9 be?
I’m not saying, I’m just saying.
For those who have been giving me shit for my pitch selection, how do you explain the fact that I’ve already surpassed my career high for walks in a season?
Who’s next? Reagan, Ray Charles and …?
I’ll bet on me
Hey, BC, I don’t care if you’re on the edge of your goddamn seat! I can do your job, you can’t do mine!
I vote me. Hell, watching Michael shtup that Welsh shikza is enough to make me keel over!
Lanky in, Lassie out.
I’m such a useless piece of shit. I can’t believe you idiots let Womack slip away!
We don’t like LaTroy anymore…
Gosh, I hope they like me!
Hey, a home run! Do you all hate me now?
Rolen out, McKay in.
That’s JIM McKay.
10 run lead? 15 more pitches, max.
I want an 11-run lead
Do we trusty Dusty to only let Zambrano go one more, then hand things over to the kerosene krew for the final six outs?
From the AP:
Borowski, the team’s closer, has damage in his right shoulder.
He’ll be further examined this weekend.
Damage? WTF? That doesn’t sound good.
That is the damage in Borowski’s shoulder.
Yeah, ‘cuz we were all counting on Borowski re-establishing himself this year….
I bet when Sammy (buddee) gets back and Dusty stubbornly stays with KK(HR!)Korey, I’ll be the constant scrub-of-the-moment
Joe, I feel your pain. Major league careers are such fickle things, especially for we pitchers.
Desipte my rough year, I’ve got an awesome windup.
Honesty compels to me admit that I’m trying to find a way to put Andy Mazer on for an inning on the tube broadcast each game. That way, I’d sound like Vin Scully when I come back!
The acting gene and the singing gene must be located on totally different strands of the DNA. (That explains singers’ lack of acting ability … and that guy’s inability to sing.)
I used to be able to do both pretty well.
I just said "Postassium," I think.
Gene Kelly’s a mutant! Get him, before he becomes an X-man!
When I said "postassium," somehow it related to diabetes.
Did you guys know I’m a diabetic?
And that I’m not in the HOF?
I guess I’m out of my slump?
Any chance I can replace Alou in he lineup for a farewell inning or two before I rejoin Wuertz in Iowa?
Everyone is out of their slump today, Walker. Let’s see what you do in Anaheim, big boy.
Hey, but I’m no Lassie in the outfield!
Hey, Dusty! My arm hurts!
I’m a one-man slump buster, baby!
Me too!
Wouldn’t now have been a good chance to try me in center for when Sammy gets back? Dubois in right. I used to play some center you know.
113
I suck as well!
Todd Hollandsworth, I am the center field!
-er.
We have a bullpen?
Dusty’s allowance for Z.
With a 10-phucken-run lead.
I needed that extra inning to keep my ERA below 2.30. Jackass. I’ll kill you like I killed the Cardinals today.
I’m getting the complete game. And naysayers, I kill you!
Oops, strikeout! Fine, my scrub honor can go to Ramon today.
I’m not coming in to protect this lead. Even if I would, I wouldn’t tell you anyway.
I’m not 10 run flammable? Am I?
This is how dumb Chippie is. He said that Patterson, Kelton, and Dubois is the Cubs future in the outfield. If that’s the case, I guess the Cubs management wants to go back to those days in last place. Chippie, you should be fired for comments like that.
Ahem. I believe Chip forgot about me.
…even though Chip & Stone were raving about me again last week.
What’s up with Julian constantly rubbing on that crusty thing? I believe the umps should look at what’s rotting away in there. Could be illegal.
What about me?
Kelton, Patterson and DuBois IS the Cubs future…the I-Cubs, that is. AND…the future is NOW!
Don’t forget the 2B of the future!!!
can we go a game without our bullpen giving up a run, especially a homerun?
That would be me, Erik!
I taught him that.
They can there’s a huge lead, and the pitcher’s Beltran. He’s not deserving of bashing.
IT’S OVER!!!!!!!
Hey Grudz — Are you flying first class to Oklahoma City?
Can you sneak me some cookies?
I’ll definitely second that one. Kelton, Patterson, and Dubois should be down in Iowa trying to the AAA ALL-Star team. Not up in the major to make the ALL-ASSCLOWN team.
I nominate Korey Patterson as Scrub of the Moment. He plays like a scrub and he took two walks today and only got thrown out once. Those are pretty impressive stats.
Stop looking for bandwagons to leap aboard.
Patterson is showing more patience, which is what everyone is clamoring for.
Your little tirade might have been half-amusing two weeks ago. But today, you look like a fooking idiot.
Why doesnt anyone give credit to Aramis Ramirez??? He has helped tie and win games for the Cubs…(as well as help them draw near to the other teams lead) and all he gets is a pat on the ass. How about interviewing him at the end of a game and acknowledging his accomplishments!!!!
Me no speak the English so good.
Why am I such a negative, cunt-faced weasel?