I can’t decide if I want to know what happens before I can watch it later on TiVo. Hmm…
Buford
on March 7, 2005 at 11:49 am
I am TiVoing it and being spoiled..
Ho Ho Kamper
on March 7, 2005 at 12:07 pm
Well, Damon, then that is what I will do…
Apex
on March 7, 2005 at 1:05 pm
It’s Spring Training. What happens doesn’t matter. God, we are losers.
Apex
on March 7, 2005 at 1:08 pm
Same old Korey.
Apex
on March 7, 2005 at 1:09 pm
We’ve
Got
Niefi
Base Rip. One on, one out.
Apex
on March 7, 2005 at 1:09 pm
Table is set for an Aramis GIDP
JG
on March 7, 2005 at 1:10 pm
according to thorne-karros-sutcliffe, dusty brought “basically his opening day lineup” to Surprise.
That should be news to Nomar, Walker, Burnitz, and Hollandsworth. David Kelton, however, was thrilled to hear the news.
Apex
on March 7, 2005 at 1:12 pm
Ramirez takes the base on balls.
2 on, 2 out for DeeLee
Apex
on March 7, 2005 at 1:12 pm
Excuse me , one out
JG
on March 7, 2005 at 1:14 pm
Lee walks, barrett up against Ernie Broglio (at least that’s what Santo would be calling him if he was doing this game)
Apex
on March 7, 2005 at 1:14 pm
Four-pitch walk, loads them for Barret
Niefi on third
Aramis on second
Lee on first.
One down…
The navy jerseys with the blue helmets look ridiculous.
JG
on March 7, 2005 at 1:15 pm
Barret 5-3, RBI.
Apex
on March 7, 2005 at 1:15 pm
Chopper to third scores Niefi. Blaylock gets Barrett by a step.
2 down. 1-0 Cubs.
Apex
on March 7, 2005 at 1:16 pm
DooBwah’s turn.
Apex
on March 7, 2005 at 1:16 pm
swingandafoulback
Apex
on March 7, 2005 at 1:18 pm
Pop up to Young ends it.
1 run, 1 hit, 0 errors, 2 left.
After a half, Cubs 1, Rangers 0.
Outshined_One
on March 7, 2005 at 1:22 pm
We clogged the bases with one hit?
These aren’t the Cubs!
Apex
on March 7, 2005 at 1:26 pm
Man, it’s a pleasure to watch Maddux work. You guys TiVo’ing the game are in for some eye candy.
Apex
on March 7, 2005 at 1:27 pm
End of 1st.
Maddux gives up a hit to Young on a 3-2 fastball but K’s Tiexiera on some filthin’ flarthin’ filth to end the frame.
Cubs 1, Rangers 0.
Ho Ho Kamper
on March 7, 2005 at 1:27 pm
So, what is today’s lineup?
Neifi Perez
on March 7, 2005 at 1:35 pm
I will make them feel my Neifury!
…by grounding out to 2B!
Ho Ho Kamper
on March 7, 2005 at 1:37 pm
Was that a long commercial break, or did we have technical difficulties?
BC
on March 7, 2005 at 1:39 pm
The Cubs had the bases loaded with one out and we STILL couldn’t hit the ball out of the infield… These are the fundamentals that third place teams are made of folks…
BC
on March 7, 2005 at 1:40 pm
I guess I should say what I am wanting when we get the bases loaded and less than 2 outs…
Hit a f***ing fly ball semi-deep in the outfield. If you hit it on the ground you aren’t going to get a slow chopper to third to score the run very often.
Brian
on March 7, 2005 at 1:40 pm
Yes. We can pencil them into thirdplace based on one situation in a pre-season game. Let’s not even play the season.
Ho Ho Kamper
on March 7, 2005 at 1:41 pm
Woo hoo! Cubs take third!
Wait a second…that’s not very good.
Andy
on March 7, 2005 at 1:44 pm
Is that Eric Karros that I hear? He’s fellating Sweaty Joe big time, and Joe’s not even warming up in the bullpen yet.
Jose Macias
on March 7, 2005 at 1:45 pm
Look at my arm! I threw that from center all the way to the mound! Who needs Corey?
Andy
on March 7, 2005 at 1:46 pm
Dave Kelton would like to thank the Cubs for waiving Tom Goodwin so he can have his number back.
Yow, so I turn on the game and Korey gets hit in the knee and Maddux coughs up two runs.
I’m a jinx, I tell ya. A jinx!
So, my question is, why can’t mlb.tv allow you to, you know, MAXIMISE the freaking screen, so I can watch the game at a size where the players don’t look like little stick figures I used to draw when I was a kid? (A kid…ok, I drew them yesterday…)
I’m glad to have MLB.tv, because I wouldn’t get to watch ANY games this year if I didn’t, but I wish the screen was a bit bigger.
The Troy
on March 7, 2005 at 1:47 pm
Shit! Maddux is going to hit his pitch limit in the second. I just hope it’s not a one run game when I come in in the third, you know how I hate those.
MLB-TV
on March 7, 2005 at 1:47 pm
Uh, isn’t there a “maximize” button on me? Look for it, I think I have one.
Gary Thorne
on March 7, 2005 at 1:48 pm
I’m pronouncing Neifi’s last name Pear-ezz, because I’m bilingual!
Indeed there IS a maximize button, but at least on my monitor, it doesn’t maximize shit. You’re a liar and a crook, mlb-tv!
Ho Ho Kamper
on March 7, 2005 at 1:50 pm
And is Korey ok after being hit in the knee?
MLB-TV
on March 7, 2005 at 1:52 pm
Crook this!
Texas Pitcher Somebody Rigilio
on March 7, 2005 at 1:52 pm
Who the f@#$ am I?
Mia Hamm
on March 7, 2005 at 1:53 pm
Hang on, Ho Ho. I’ll check him out and let you know.
Transcript of bench conversation
on March 7, 2005 at 1:54 pm
Larry Rothschild: Hey Greg, nice double play. How about throwing something other than a fastball next inning?
Greg Maddux: Hey Larry, I can’t hear you. I have 150 wins crammed in EACH ear.
Larry: (Laughs) Hey, if I take you out right now can you run down to In and Out Burger for me?
Greg: I’ll go down there, but if you think I’m driving back you can kiss my 2,914 strikeouts.
Larry: Oooh, somebody’s been reading the media guide.
Greg: It’s the only thing I could find in the shitter.
Gail Fischer
on March 7, 2005 at 1:56 pm
Mia, you pretentious soccer biatch! Are we going to have to have a cat fight?
I WILL CHECK ON COREY’S KNEE! God knows I spend enough time on mine with him.
Ho Ho Kamper
on March 7, 2005 at 1:56 pm
Beautiful…
Regular Joe Borowski
on March 7, 2005 at 1:57 pm
The new Rangers pitcher is Lou Pote. He’s spent 14 years in the minors! What a loser!
I played with him for nine years in the Mexican League.
Ho Ho Kamper
on March 7, 2005 at 1:59 pm
Oh, I forgot to mention, I was at the game yesterday, and just wanted to report that Fat Jimmy Anderson is still fat…and bad.
Dusty Baker
on March 7, 2005 at 2:01 pm
I just said that Sammy wasn’t a distraction last year, dude. I also almost caught myself lying again. Gary asked if we were talking, Dude and I said, “I haven’t talked to him…uh…since the time I called him, dude.”
Rick Sutcliffe
on March 7, 2005 at 2:01 pm
I just called Dusty “Bake.” You know, because one nickname’s not enough.
Oh, and I’m drunk. Like always.
Greggie
on March 7, 2005 at 2:02 pm
I am winded. Boy, what was that, my 40th pitch? I need a pint of Ben and Jerry’s so I can get back to my routine Spring Training. I’ll also think about doing a sit-up later this month. Then I’ll go win 15 again.
LaTroy
on March 7, 2005 at 2:02 pm
Hey, maybe I’ll become our third inning specialist!
Eamus Catuli
on March 7, 2005 at 2:02 pm
This is so much more fun than NSBB.
Dwight Smith
on March 7, 2005 at 2:03 pm
I just signed to play safety for the Saints!
Maybe I can win that rookie of the year that Jerome Walton screwed me out of?
Apex
on March 7, 2005 at 2:03 pm
LaTroy just blew it past Soriano for a K. Now a 4-3 put out. Nice start.
Jerry Hairston the Lesser
on March 7, 2005 at 2:04 pm
Todd Walker’s been teaching me how to take every grounder to the side. Because really, every bad hop ought to turn into a single!
Eamus Catuli
on March 7, 2005 at 2:04 pm
To bad he can’t finish games that way.
LaTroy
on March 7, 2005 at 2:04 pm
I gave up that hit on purpose. I wanted to work on throwing from the stretch.
Larry Rothschild
on March 7, 2005 at 2:05 pm
Uh, LaTroy, you always throw out of the stretch.
LaTroy
on March 7, 2005 at 2:05 pm
Shut up, fool! I can do your job!
Virtual Dick Pole
on March 7, 2005 at 2:06 pm
Am I at the game, or am I at the golf course “supervising” Nomar and Burnitz?
Joe Buck
on March 7, 2005 at 2:06 pm
With all due respect to my esteemed colleague Gary Thorne, the true test of a bilingual broadcaster is his ability to belt out a convincing “RodrigwEEZ” when the opportunity presents itself.
Joe Borowski
on March 7, 2005 at 2:06 pm
HEY look at me !!
I’m warming up !!
Get used to being the opening act, Latroy.
Andy
on March 7, 2005 at 2:07 pm
LaTroy’s ahead 0-2 to Texiera. Now it’s time to groove the fastball!
And Gary Thorne is blind. Tex hit a routine flyball to short right that Hairston caught and Gary thought it fell in for a hit.
Thorne
on March 7, 2005 at 2:07 pm
Is that Willie Mays playing second for the Cubs? How on earth did he snare that? Amazing.
Eamus Catuli
on March 7, 2005 at 2:07 pm
Stupid announcer
Chip Caray
on March 7, 2005 at 2:08 pm
Hey guys! Miss me?
Honesty compels me to say that the proper way to prounounce P-E-R-E-Z is Poi-ray-ez.
Time to go work on my puns.
Jerry Hairston Jr
on March 7, 2005 at 2:09 pm
See that? I caught that.
I should be starting.
Mike D.
on March 7, 2005 at 2:09 pm
I don’t get cable at work. I would be grateful if one were to provide details on Borowski’s outing when he comes in.
Thanks. Comments are hilarious today, BTW.
RD
on March 7, 2005 at 2:09 pm
I saw Sweaty Joe’s first rehab game in Iowa last year, and I can only hope his appearance today goes much, much better. There was a whole lot of sweating but not a whole lot of good pitching…
Ad-Rock
on March 7, 2005 at 2:10 pm
Mike D –
How’s MCA?
Gary Thorne
on March 7, 2005 at 2:10 pm
Hey, it’s a lot harder to follow a baseball as opposed to a hockey puck.
Jason Dewboy
on March 7, 2005 at 2:11 pm
Hey, I hit that a long way! Better keep trotting Hollandsworth’s sorry ass out there, Dusty.
Boo-yah! Eat my shit, Todd Hollandsworth, you bozo-wanna-be!
Peter Bergeron
on March 7, 2005 at 2:12 pm
Hey, remember when I was supposed to be good?
Todd Hollandsworth
on March 7, 2005 at 2:13 pm
You guys just want me on the bench.
Fine.
I’m gonna stop wearing my shin protector, if that’s the way you feel …
Mike D.
on March 7, 2005 at 2:13 pm
MCA?
Museum of Contemporary Art?
Mark Colombo’s Achilles?
No comprende.
Andy
on March 7, 2005 at 2:14 pm
Sutcliffe is very excited about the Regilio kid who started for Texas. Had to love him throwing 47 pitches in two and a third and walking the bases loaded. Good stuff.
Because you don’t LOOK like Tom Cruise, Eric. But hey, I bet you like the girls a lot more than he does…
Korey Patterson's Knee
on March 7, 2005 at 2:19 pm
I have a contusion
Craven Morehead
on March 7, 2005 at 2:20 pm
Here comes Sweaty Joe!
Andy
on March 7, 2005 at 2:20 pm
Is Gary Thorne talking about how Nomar doesn’t want his World Series ring?
Well, that’d be a great story, except it’s bullshit. A lady e-mailed the Boston Dirt Dogs Web site over the weekend floating a made up story about Nomar not wanting his ring to see if they’d publish it and they did.
Her idea was to show that though Boston.com owns the Dirt Dogs now, they don’t hold them to any sort of journalistic accountability.
Can I ask you a question? How is it that you do not get more gerbils?
MDZ
on March 7, 2005 at 2:21 pm
These announcers are awful. Maybe its not hard feelings that made Nomar not want a ring, maybe its the fact that he wasn’t on the team when they won and he doesn’t feel like he deserved a ring. Is Boston going to go crazy and offer Bucker a ring, because he was just as much a part of last year’s Red Sox as Nomar was.
Ditka
on March 7, 2005 at 2:21 pm
OK gang, if we can just get some more Borowskis around here, we’ll be all right, gang.
Craven Morehead
on March 7, 2005 at 2:22 pm
Jesus Christ I hope the Cubs can win it this year. If I have to listen to Joe Buck or Gary Thorne or ONE MORE TIME…..
Mike D.
on March 7, 2005 at 2:22 pm
I’m a whitey.
I’m not anti-rap, per se, but I fucking despise the Beastie Boys. So that would explain my ignorance. This doesn’t endear me to my “music snob” friends, but I give two shits about that. I like what I like, and it ain’t a bunch of loud, angry wiggers from Brooklyn.
Ho Ho Kamper
on March 7, 2005 at 2:22 pm
Patterson has a contusion? Left knee or right?
HST
on March 7, 2005 at 2:22 pm
My name is MCA/I got a license to kill/I think you know what time it is/It’s time to get ill.
Mike Murphy
on March 7, 2005 at 2:22 pm
Eric, whatever you do, don’t lose that Shemp Howard hairdo.
Andy
on March 7, 2005 at 2:23 pm
Here’s Sweaty!
His second pitch was a change up, right? It went 80!
Fastball inside 87. 3-0 count. He’s in midseason form!
86 MPH fastball outside corner, 3-1.
MDZ
on March 7, 2005 at 2:24 pm
sorry, didn’t see Andy’s last post
Andy
on March 7, 2005 at 2:24 pm
85 MPH fastball, Ball four.
And a Virtual Dick Pole sighting.
87 MPH fastball, rolled to first, 3-6-3 double play.
Does ESPN have to show LaTroy while they interview him? Is he going to be using American Sign Language? Where’ Garrett Morris to interpret for the hard of hearing?
While they show LaTroy we get no radar gun readings, but he’s 0-2 on the third hitter.
ESPN 1000
on March 7, 2005 at 2:25 pm
I told you JoBo wasn’t throwing 90
Andy
on March 7, 2005 at 2:25 pm
Curve ball. 80 MPH. Outsider corner. Struck out looking.
Split screen
on March 7, 2005 at 2:25 pm
They have the split screen going with LaTroy and SweatyJoe (TM)…they ought to have a Brady Bunch thing going with everyone who could be the closer this year…I’m sure there are at least 9 candidates…
Nice pitching, SweatyJoe…
Andy
on March 7, 2005 at 2:26 pm
Joe’s velocity is back.
Unfortunately, it’s Doug Jones’ velocity.
MDZ
on March 7, 2005 at 2:26 pm
A cubs reliever walked a guy with no outs and didn’t let him score. I think Sweaty Joe may have been the last guy to do that 2 years ago.
Hey, pitching is mosty mental, right? So if Joe THINKS he’s throwing better, maybe he’ll ACT like he is!
…or something.
Buck Showalter
on March 7, 2005 at 2:27 pm
I just called Gary Thorne “Peter”. I have no idea.
Mike D.
on March 7, 2005 at 2:27 pm
Thanks for the recap on regular Joe.
So is he done for the day?
Mike Murphy
on March 7, 2005 at 2:28 pm
See, he couldn’t crack 90! Borowski’s on steroids!
Joe Borowski
on March 7, 2005 at 2:28 pm
I want to pitch another Inning
Ho Ho Kamper
on March 7, 2005 at 2:31 pm
Joe barely got lubed up!
Bullpen towel
on March 7, 2005 at 2:31 pm
I’m sopping wet by the way!
Thanks for asking!
Buck Rogers
on March 7, 2005 at 2:31 pm
I’m managing the Rangers now.
Andy
on March 7, 2005 at 2:33 pm
Should anybody be at their top velocity yet? I mean, almost another full month of spring training games, I would think there’s still plenty of strength to gain in your arm normally, much less for a guy coming off a shoulder rehab.
Did anyone see my comments about steroids and homeruns? I’m a genius! Dig the last line: “if I had my way, nobody would ever get into the Hall of Fame again.”
I always was under the impression that most pitchers don’t have their fastball early on. Or, at least, when Wood was a rookie in Spring Traing, in his first game pitched he blew a fastball past some opposing hitter, who said “C’mon, it’s too early for that sh!t.” To which Scott Servais replied, “Better get used to it.”
Anyone pay attention to how fast Maddux was throwing?
I just figured out who Maddux reminds me of…. he’s the white version of Bubba, from Forest Gump
Greg Maddux
on March 7, 2005 at 2:36 pm
I was popping it up there in the mid 80s! I had my good stuff.
I told Gary Miller that Sammy is an “impact player.” In the Maddux-to-English dictionary, “impact player” means, “Insufferable assbag.”
Mike D.
on March 7, 2005 at 2:37 pm
And if I had my way, grown men who sob uncontrollably like a junior high school girl in announching his retirement would be deprived of standing in judgement of other ballpalyers’ worth.
JoBo's velocity
on March 7, 2005 at 2:38 pm
I’m just holding back
See you in April
Bubba Maddux
on March 7, 2005 at 2:38 pm
They is lots of uses for fastballs. You can cut em, flip em, throws ’em with two seams, four seams…you can move yous finger back and throw it slower, move it up in your hand and throw it faster.
That’s about it.
Mike D.
on March 7, 2005 at 2:39 pm
So is Jobo back for Inning #2?
Andy
on March 7, 2005 at 2:39 pm
Borowski’s still in! Only he’s throwing lefthanded!
And going by his stage name, “Eddie Oropesa.”
CT
on March 7, 2005 at 2:39 pm
I think maybe Maddux meant that sharing the clubhouse with Sammy was very much like having an impacted molar.
Peter Bergeron
on March 7, 2005 at 2:39 pm
So, how is Des Moines in April?
Oh, screw it, if I play any worse I’ll find out what it’s like in Peoria.
Eddie Orepesa
on March 7, 2005 at 2:40 pm
who the f#$% am I?
Andy
on March 7, 2005 at 2:41 pm
Did Joe just say he had a tear in his “supersmitus?” What the hell is that?
Andy
on March 7, 2005 at 2:42 pm
Seriously, has there ever been a more likeable Cub than Regular Joe?
Fred Miller
on March 7, 2005 at 2:42 pm
The Bears just signed me.
I’m an offesnive tackle.
Mark Columbo has begun sending out resumes to local area taverns in need of a bouncer. Fat Phuck took two years to rehab his broken knee, whaddya expect?
In other words, it’s a muscle that belongs to Kevin Millar.
Kurt
on March 7, 2005 at 2:44 pm
TL – man, if that picture wasn’t on ESPN, I would’ve thought it was a photoshop. You don’t see that every day.
Eddie
on March 7, 2005 at 2:44 pm
I am a journeyman pitcher who was in SD in 2003 and Philly before that.
My ERA in my 9 pitched innings last year was 11.00, and my 4 year carreer average (125 innings) 7.37
I am not good.
Craven Morehead
on March 7, 2005 at 2:48 pm
Eddie looks like Julian Tavarez
TL
on March 7, 2005 at 2:52 pm
Kurt- agreed.
Phil Mickelson or Phil McCracken??
Andy
on March 7, 2005 at 2:53 pm
Is that Jim Edmonds behind Phil?
Dave Hansen, Derrek Lee and Hank White (yesterday)
on March 7, 2005 at 2:54 pm
We love triples!
Craven Morehead
on March 7, 2005 at 2:55 pm
shit. Now Hansen will make the roster.
Kurt
on March 7, 2005 at 2:55 pm
More like Phil McPrison-bitch
Triples
on March 7, 2005 at 2:56 pm
How many of do the Cubs have now??
BTW Dave Hansen, Derrek Lee and Hank White (yesterday) you left out Hollandsworth.
TL
on March 7, 2005 at 2:56 pm
i think it’s Dick Fitzwell
Grandpa Moises
on March 7, 2005 at 2:58 pm
Hank White got his triple when I dove for–and missed–the ball.
I can’t wait until I move into that spacious right field in San Fran.
Craven Morehead
on March 7, 2005 at 3:01 pm
Thorne, Sut and Karros haven’t done any better than Pat and Ron about keeping us informed who is in the game. Who is the fat kid that just hit the double?
#96
on March 7, 2005 at 3:03 pm
Alex Brown!
Fred Miller?
on March 7, 2005 at 3:03 pm
What, Pork Chop Womack wasn’t available?
Andy
on March 7, 2005 at 3:10 pm
Desipio’s still smarter than ESPN.
Sut just credited The Panozzo for calling in to say that Gary Thorne’s World Series ring story about Nomar was BS. But if you read Desipio, you knew that an hour ago.
Worldwide leader…my arse.
Boston Dirt Dogs
on March 7, 2005 at 3:11 pm
Gary Thorne wants us fired!
Go blow it your blue line, hockey boy.
Brian
on March 7, 2005 at 3:11 pm
What’s the score?
Andy
on March 7, 2005 at 3:12 pm
What a shock! Manny Alexander just got thrown out at the plate on a wild pitch by Oropesa. I’m stunned because Manny was a baserunning whiz in his days with the Cubs.
Score
on March 7, 2005 at 3:12 pm
9-3 Cubs.
The Panozzo
on March 7, 2005 at 3:12 pm
I would have called Sut an hour earlier but I was knee-deep in the Old Country Buffet.
Dolan, you’re a wiseass. If you’re not careful, I’m going to eat YOU.
Get lost Panazzo, Desipio is only for real celebrities. I can’t wait until the regular season starts. I’m praying for the return of Alex Kaseberg and Rob Neyer’s high school English teacher.
GLAAD
on March 7, 2005 at 3:16 pm
You mean “eat him” literally, right Sharon? We wouldn’t want to lose you, baby.
Ho Ho Kamper
on March 7, 2005 at 3:17 pm
Hey Andy, are there really Hank White T-shirts to be had?
Mike D.
on March 7, 2005 at 3:19 pm
I love how the tipster is referred to as “Our AZ correspondent Jessica”
An hour earlier, she was an anonymous e-mailer who set up the Dirt Dogs with the fabrciated story. Trying to sound proefssional, they make her out to be some out-of-state correspondent.
Hilarious. Andy, I would hope if Desipo wereto be purchased by a larger media entity that you’d at least brush up on your NIU Journalism basics.
Andy
on March 7, 2005 at 3:25 pm
Hey, I’ve got a degree and everything. Class of ’95, BA Journalism. It’s where they taught me the proper use of journalistic necessities like “Or something” and “Guh.”
I just got my Hank White Fan Club baseball jersey (blue sleeves) yesterday and it’s a beauty.
Willard
on March 7, 2005 at 3:34 pm
Soooo, what’s going on with the game. Is it over?
David Kelton
on March 7, 2005 at 3:35 pm
I think I’ll be released today.
Craven Morehead
on March 7, 2005 at 3:37 pm
now SLut is fellating Mike Matheny. I wrongly predicted the media would someday wake up to The Genius’ propaganda machine.
Ho Ho Kamper
on March 7, 2005 at 3:38 pm
How could we release Kelton? Is that even possible?
I mean, if he has value to two or more teams, can’t we get something for him?
HELLO!?
Kelton's options are gone
on March 7, 2005 at 3:42 pm
Unfortunately we can’t just send kelton back to the minors – he’s used up all his options. He’d have to clear waivers before he could stay in the Cubs’ system.
And Atlanta (for one) would swoop him up in seconds. We’d have to trade him for something if we don’t put him on the 25-man roster.
Andy
on March 7, 2005 at 3:43 pm
9-4 bottom eight.
Todd Wellemeyer in for the Cubs.
Ho Ho Kamper
on March 7, 2005 at 3:44 pm
Right, so let’s trade his ass…he’s not making the team…
Andy
on March 7, 2005 at 3:44 pm
If it comes down to Kelton-Dubois for the last roster spot, how much you want to bet that the Cubs send Dubois to Iowa because they can?
Sloth
on March 7, 2005 at 3:48 pm
I’m waiting to see if Hank makes the 25 man b4 I order.
JUST KIDDING!!
Eamus Catuli
on March 7, 2005 at 3:49 pm
Andy
You’re spot on. Cubs are praying Kelton outshines Dubois this spring.
Not gonna happen. Dubois better get used to Des Moines
Craven Morehead
on March 7, 2005 at 3:49 pm
Kelton surprised me with that running catch back in the second inning. When he saw action in 2003, he played the outfield like a man falling out of a tree. Today he looked like… a graceful athlete falling out of a tree.
Sloth
on March 7, 2005 at 3:49 pm
Damn, the comments be coming fast and furious today.
And if Kelton makes the roster, I’ll leave a flaming bag of poo on Dusty’s doorstep
Ho Ho Kamper
on March 7, 2005 at 3:51 pm
Can’t we give Macias the boot instead of one of these guys? At least we KNOW for sure that Jose sucks!
Eamus Catuli
on March 7, 2005 at 3:53 pm
Anyone else notice that Macias also got plunked on the knee today? But when the damn ball hits Kory, it’s a contusion, and when Macias gets hit it’s not even a flesh wound?
Andy
on March 7, 2005 at 3:53 pm
I think The Gremlin is in danger of losing his job. He’s a backup at what, second, third and center? Well Hairston’s a backup at second and all three OF spots and if Dave Hansen makes it he backs up first and third. So long, Jose.
Baker’s already said in the papers that DuBois may not make the team simply because Kelton’s out of options. The Cubs won’t get rid of Macias, he’s like their own Nelson De LeRosa.
Brian
on March 7, 2005 at 4:03 pm
What the hell was the point of signing Macias? You’re guaranteed to get a guy as good who shows up at camp. What Derick May wasn’t available?
2005 Cactus League Champions
on March 7, 2005 at 4:04 pm
If there’s a Hank White T-shirt, then, well…you know…
Sammy's pimpled forhead
on March 7, 2005 at 4:07 pm
Amazing, don’t any of you people work?
Eamus Catuli
on March 7, 2005 at 4:09 pm
Personally, I get paid to surf the net.
But don’t tell my boss.
Willard
on March 7, 2005 at 4:14 pm
Professional student, buddy. And I personally find the Cubs more interesting than revokable trusts
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I can’t decide if I want to know what happens before I can watch it later on TiVo. Hmm…
I am TiVoing it and being spoiled..
Well, Damon, then that is what I will do…
It’s Spring Training. What happens doesn’t matter. God, we are losers.
Same old Korey.
We’ve
Got
Niefi
Base Rip. One on, one out.
Table is set for an Aramis GIDP
according to thorne-karros-sutcliffe, dusty brought “basically his opening day lineup” to Surprise.
That should be news to Nomar, Walker, Burnitz, and Hollandsworth. David Kelton, however, was thrilled to hear the news.
Ramirez takes the base on balls.
2 on, 2 out for DeeLee
Excuse me , one out
Lee walks, barrett up against Ernie Broglio (at least that’s what Santo would be calling him if he was doing this game)
Four-pitch walk, loads them for Barret
Niefi on third
Aramis on second
Lee on first.
One down…
The navy jerseys with the blue helmets look ridiculous.
Barret 5-3, RBI.
Chopper to third scores Niefi. Blaylock gets Barrett by a step.
2 down. 1-0 Cubs.
DooBwah’s turn.
swingandafoulback
Pop up to Young ends it.
1 run, 1 hit, 0 errors, 2 left.
After a half, Cubs 1, Rangers 0.
We clogged the bases with one hit?
These aren’t the Cubs!
Man, it’s a pleasure to watch Maddux work. You guys TiVo’ing the game are in for some eye candy.
End of 1st.
Maddux gives up a hit to Young on a 3-2 fastball but K’s Tiexiera on some filthin’ flarthin’ filth to end the frame.
Cubs 1, Rangers 0.
So, what is today’s lineup?
I will make them feel my Neifury!
…by grounding out to 2B!
Was that a long commercial break, or did we have technical difficulties?
The Cubs had the bases loaded with one out and we STILL couldn’t hit the ball out of the infield… These are the fundamentals that third place teams are made of folks…
I guess I should say what I am wanting when we get the bases loaded and less than 2 outs…
Hit a f***ing fly ball semi-deep in the outfield. If you hit it on the ground you aren’t going to get a slow chopper to third to score the run very often.
Yes. We can pencil them into thirdplace based on one situation in a pre-season game. Let’s not even play the season.
Woo hoo! Cubs take third!
Wait a second…that’s not very good.
Is that Eric Karros that I hear? He’s fellating Sweaty Joe big time, and Joe’s not even warming up in the bullpen yet.
Look at my arm! I threw that from center all the way to the mound! Who needs Corey?
Dave Kelton would like to thank the Cubs for waiving Tom Goodwin so he can have his number back.
Yow, so I turn on the game and Korey gets hit in the knee and Maddux coughs up two runs.
I’m a jinx, I tell ya. A jinx!
So, my question is, why can’t mlb.tv allow you to, you know, MAXIMISE the freaking screen, so I can watch the game at a size where the players don’t look like little stick figures I used to draw when I was a kid? (A kid…ok, I drew them yesterday…)
I’m glad to have MLB.tv, because I wouldn’t get to watch ANY games this year if I didn’t, but I wish the screen was a bit bigger.
Shit! Maddux is going to hit his pitch limit in the second. I just hope it’s not a one run game when I come in in the third, you know how I hate those.
Uh, isn’t there a “maximize” button on me? Look for it, I think I have one.
I’m pronouncing Neifi’s last name Pear-ezz, because I’m bilingual!
Actually, I’m just an assbag.
Indeed there IS a maximize button, but at least on my monitor, it doesn’t maximize shit. You’re a liar and a crook, mlb-tv!
And is Korey ok after being hit in the knee?
Crook this!
Who the f@#$ am I?
Hang on, Ho Ho. I’ll check him out and let you know.
Larry Rothschild: Hey Greg, nice double play. How about throwing something other than a fastball next inning?
Greg Maddux: Hey Larry, I can’t hear you. I have 150 wins crammed in EACH ear.
Larry: (Laughs) Hey, if I take you out right now can you run down to In and Out Burger for me?
Greg: I’ll go down there, but if you think I’m driving back you can kiss my 2,914 strikeouts.
Larry: Oooh, somebody’s been reading the media guide.
Greg: It’s the only thing I could find in the shitter.
Mia, you pretentious soccer biatch! Are we going to have to have a cat fight?
I WILL CHECK ON COREY’S KNEE! God knows I spend enough time on mine with him.
Beautiful…
The new Rangers pitcher is Lou Pote. He’s spent 14 years in the minors! What a loser!
I played with him for nine years in the Mexican League.
Oh, I forgot to mention, I was at the game yesterday, and just wanted to report that Fat Jimmy Anderson is still fat…and bad.
I just said that Sammy wasn’t a distraction last year, dude. I also almost caught myself lying again. Gary asked if we were talking, Dude and I said, “I haven’t talked to him…uh…since the time I called him, dude.”
I just called Dusty “Bake.” You know, because one nickname’s not enough.
Oh, and I’m drunk. Like always.
I am winded. Boy, what was that, my 40th pitch? I need a pint of Ben and Jerry’s so I can get back to my routine Spring Training. I’ll also think about doing a sit-up later this month. Then I’ll go win 15 again.
Hey, maybe I’ll become our third inning specialist!
This is so much more fun than NSBB.
I just signed to play safety for the Saints!
Maybe I can win that rookie of the year that Jerome Walton screwed me out of?
LaTroy just blew it past Soriano for a K. Now a 4-3 put out. Nice start.
Todd Walker’s been teaching me how to take every grounder to the side. Because really, every bad hop ought to turn into a single!
To bad he can’t finish games that way.
I gave up that hit on purpose. I wanted to work on throwing from the stretch.
Uh, LaTroy, you always throw out of the stretch.
Shut up, fool! I can do your job!
Am I at the game, or am I at the golf course “supervising” Nomar and Burnitz?
With all due respect to my esteemed colleague Gary Thorne, the true test of a bilingual broadcaster is his ability to belt out a convincing “RodrigwEEZ” when the opportunity presents itself.
HEY look at me !!
I’m warming up !!
Get used to being the opening act, Latroy.
LaTroy’s ahead 0-2 to Texiera. Now it’s time to groove the fastball!
And Gary Thorne is blind. Tex hit a routine flyball to short right that Hairston caught and Gary thought it fell in for a hit.
Is that Willie Mays playing second for the Cubs? How on earth did he snare that? Amazing.
Stupid announcer
Hey guys! Miss me?
Honesty compels me to say that the proper way to prounounce P-E-R-E-Z is Poi-ray-ez.
Time to go work on my puns.
See that? I caught that.
I should be starting.
I don’t get cable at work. I would be grateful if one were to provide details on Borowski’s outing when he comes in.
Thanks. Comments are hilarious today, BTW.
I saw Sweaty Joe’s first rehab game in Iowa last year, and I can only hope his appearance today goes much, much better. There was a whole lot of sweating but not a whole lot of good pitching…
Mike D –
How’s MCA?
Hey, it’s a lot harder to follow a baseball as opposed to a hockey puck.
Hey, I hit that a long way! Better keep trotting Hollandsworth’s sorry ass out there, Dusty.
Kelton just ripped a single, now.
We own Lou Pote!
What power outage?
I see Pote is working on his meatball.
Boo-yah! Eat my shit, Todd Hollandsworth, you bozo-wanna-be!
Hey, remember when I was supposed to be good?
You guys just want me on the bench.
Fine.
I’m gonna stop wearing my shin protector, if that’s the way you feel …
MCA?
Museum of Contemporary Art?
Mark Colombo’s Achilles?
No comprende.
Sutcliffe is very excited about the Regilio kid who started for Texas. Had to love him throwing 47 pitches in two and a third and walking the bases loaded. Good stuff.
And Bergeron is wearing #61. Never a good sign.
that’s a Beastie Boys joke
I can go deep, too! 4-2 Cubs.
It’s too bad Rick doesn’t call games for the Cubs… in his drunken stupor, he could be everything Harry Caray wanted to be.
He thinks you’re a member of the Beastie Boys, Mike.
Mike D –
That was clearly a Beastie Boys reference …
Jose Macias looks like me!
Too bad he doesn’t play like JIMMY Foxx.
So does Hariston the Lesser have as many jacks and more RBIs than Sosa now? And they said that trade sucked!
Oh no, dude. All the rooks and young players are hitting the ball good. How am I going to justify staring Hollandsworth now, dude?
That’s OK, my dad’s name is Mike D, and he doesn’t know who the Beastie Boys are either.
Of course, he’s 65 years old, and think the Beastie Boys were Mel Torme, Andy Williams and Perry Como.
Dude, it’s hot out here, so I’ll put this towel under my hat…Dude.
Points at Gary Matthews and laughs.
Haw haw!
Jamie Foxx looks like he’s on crack?
…yeah, I can see it.
Is it just me or do i sound exactly like Tom Cruise? how do i not get more chicks?
Hot enough for ya, Dusty?
Because you don’t LOOK like Tom Cruise, Eric. But hey, I bet you like the girls a lot more than he does…
I have a contusion
Here comes Sweaty Joe!
Is Gary Thorne talking about how Nomar doesn’t want his World Series ring?
Well, that’d be a great story, except it’s bullshit. A lady e-mailed the Boston Dirt Dogs Web site over the weekend floating a made up story about Nomar not wanting his ring to see if they’d publish it and they did.
Her idea was to show that though Boston.com owns the Dirt Dogs now, they don’t hold them to any sort of journalistic accountability.
Nice research, Thorne. You prick.
http://www.bostonsportsmedia.com/archives/002715.php
Eric. You get more chicks than I do.
Can I ask you a question? How is it that you do not get more gerbils?
These announcers are awful. Maybe its not hard feelings that made Nomar not want a ring, maybe its the fact that he wasn’t on the team when they won and he doesn’t feel like he deserved a ring. Is Boston going to go crazy and offer Bucker a ring, because he was just as much a part of last year’s Red Sox as Nomar was.
OK gang, if we can just get some more Borowskis around here, we’ll be all right, gang.
Jesus Christ I hope the Cubs can win it this year. If I have to listen to Joe Buck or Gary Thorne or ONE MORE TIME…..
I’m a whitey.
I’m not anti-rap, per se, but I fucking despise the Beastie Boys. So that would explain my ignorance. This doesn’t endear me to my “music snob” friends, but I give two shits about that. I like what I like, and it ain’t a bunch of loud, angry wiggers from Brooklyn.
Patterson has a contusion? Left knee or right?
My name is MCA/I got a license to kill/I think you know what time it is/It’s time to get ill.
Eric, whatever you do, don’t lose that Shemp Howard hairdo.
Here’s Sweaty!
His second pitch was a change up, right? It went 80!
Fastball inside 87. 3-0 count. He’s in midseason form!
86 MPH fastball outside corner, 3-1.
sorry, didn’t see Andy’s last post
85 MPH fastball, Ball four.
And a Virtual Dick Pole sighting.
87 MPH fastball, rolled to first, 3-6-3 double play.
The told me my velocity was back??
Ho Ho Kamper –
Right Knee.
The ACL was the left one, I think.
87? Is that MPH or seconds?
Phew…it was the left…he’ll be fine…
Does ESPN have to show LaTroy while they interview him? Is he going to be using American Sign Language? Where’ Garrett Morris to interpret for the hard of hearing?
While they show LaTroy we get no radar gun readings, but he’s 0-2 on the third hitter.
I told you JoBo wasn’t throwing 90
Curve ball. 80 MPH. Outsider corner. Struck out looking.
They have the split screen going with LaTroy and SweatyJoe (TM)…they ought to have a Brady Bunch thing going with everyone who could be the closer this year…I’m sure there are at least 9 candidates…
Nice pitching, SweatyJoe…
Joe’s velocity is back.
Unfortunately, it’s Doug Jones’ velocity.
A cubs reliever walked a guy with no outs and didn’t let him score. I think Sweaty Joe may have been the last guy to do that 2 years ago.
Hey, pitching is mosty mental, right? So if Joe THINKS he’s throwing better, maybe he’ll ACT like he is!
…or something.
I just called Gary Thorne “Peter”. I have no idea.
Thanks for the recap on regular Joe.
So is he done for the day?
See, he couldn’t crack 90! Borowski’s on steroids!
I want to pitch another Inning
Joe barely got lubed up!
I’m sopping wet by the way!
Thanks for asking!
I’m managing the Rangers now.
Should anybody be at their top velocity yet? I mean, almost another full month of spring training games, I would think there’s still plenty of strength to gain in your arm normally, much less for a guy coming off a shoulder rehab.
But then, I really don’t know.
Mmmm, the most exciting play in baseball…
Ba-Dee-Ba-Dee-Ba-Dee Buck
DLee would have had an inside-the-parker…if only I were still there…
Hey, Buck! I didn’t see you! I’ll be sure to drive this thing into a ditch, just like old times!
Seriously, I’ve got to talk to Gary Miller? Look at what I have on! I’ve got a tee time in about 5 minutes…Go piss off a roof…
Did anyone see my comments about steroids and homeruns? I’m a genius! Dig the last line: “if I had my way, nobody would ever get into the Hall of Fame again.”
I always was under the impression that most pitchers don’t have their fastball early on. Or, at least, when Wood was a rookie in Spring Traing, in his first game pitched he blew a fastball past some opposing hitter, who said “C’mon, it’s too early for that sh!t.” To which Scott Servais replied, “Better get used to it.”
Anyone pay attention to how fast Maddux was throwing?
I just figured out who Maddux reminds me of…. he’s the white version of Bubba, from Forest Gump
I was popping it up there in the mid 80s! I had my good stuff.
I told Gary Miller that Sammy is an “impact player.” In the Maddux-to-English dictionary, “impact player” means, “Insufferable assbag.”
And if I had my way, grown men who sob uncontrollably like a junior high school girl in announching his retirement would be deprived of standing in judgement of other ballpalyers’ worth.
I’m just holding back
See you in April
They is lots of uses for fastballs. You can cut em, flip em, throws ’em with two seams, four seams…you can move yous finger back and throw it slower, move it up in your hand and throw it faster.
That’s about it.
So is Jobo back for Inning #2?
Borowski’s still in! Only he’s throwing lefthanded!
And going by his stage name, “Eddie Oropesa.”
I think maybe Maddux meant that sharing the clubhouse with Sammy was very much like having an impacted molar.
So, how is Des Moines in April?
Oh, screw it, if I play any worse I’ll find out what it’s like in Peoria.
who the f#$% am I?
Did Joe just say he had a tear in his “supersmitus?” What the hell is that?
Seriously, has there ever been a more likeable Cub than Regular Joe?
The Bears just signed me.
I’m an offesnive tackle.
Mark Columbo has begun sending out resumes to local area taverns in need of a bouncer. Fat Phuck took two years to rehab his broken knee, whaddya expect?
I think that’s code word for “I got off the juice.”
Either that, or it’s a muscle in the ass.
Joe looks like he’s dropped 15-20 pounds.
Come on Andy, you know what supersmitus is!
Off topic, but……….great photo of Hefty
http://sports.espn.go.com/golf/news/story?id=2006691
In other words, it’s a muscle that belongs to Kevin Millar.
TL – man, if that picture wasn’t on ESPN, I would’ve thought it was a photoshop. You don’t see that every day.
I am a journeyman pitcher who was in SD in 2003 and Philly before that.
My ERA in my 9 pitched innings last year was 11.00, and my 4 year carreer average (125 innings) 7.37
I am not good.
Eddie looks like Julian Tavarez
Kurt- agreed.
Phil Mickelson or Phil McCracken??
Is that Jim Edmonds behind Phil?
We love triples!
shit. Now Hansen will make the roster.
More like Phil McPrison-bitch
How many of do the Cubs have now??
BTW Dave Hansen, Derrek Lee and Hank White (yesterday) you left out Hollandsworth.
i think it’s Dick Fitzwell
Hank White got his triple when I dove for–and missed–the ball.
I can’t wait until I move into that spacious right field in San Fran.
Thorne, Sut and Karros haven’t done any better than Pat and Ron about keeping us informed who is in the game. Who is the fat kid that just hit the double?
Alex Brown!
What, Pork Chop Womack wasn’t available?
Desipio’s still smarter than ESPN.
Sut just credited The Panozzo for calling in to say that Gary Thorne’s World Series ring story about Nomar was BS. But if you read Desipio, you knew that an hour ago.
Worldwide leader…my arse.
Gary Thorne wants us fired!
Go blow it your blue line, hockey boy.
What’s the score?
What a shock! Manny Alexander just got thrown out at the plate on a wild pitch by Oropesa. I’m stunned because Manny was a baserunning whiz in his days with the Cubs.
9-3 Cubs.
I would have called Sut an hour earlier but I was knee-deep in the Old Country Buffet.
Dolan, you’re a wiseass. If you’re not careful, I’m going to eat YOU.
Here’s the phony Nomar story.
http://bostondirtdogs.boston.com/Headline_Archives/2005/02/nomar_doesnt_wa_1.html
Get lost Panazzo, Desipio is only for real celebrities. I can’t wait until the regular season starts. I’m praying for the return of Alex Kaseberg and Rob Neyer’s high school English teacher.
You mean “eat him” literally, right Sharon? We wouldn’t want to lose you, baby.
Hey Andy, are there really Hank White T-shirts to be had?
I love how the tipster is referred to as “Our AZ correspondent Jessica”
An hour earlier, she was an anonymous e-mailer who set up the Dirt Dogs with the fabrciated story. Trying to sound proefssional, they make her out to be some out-of-state correspondent.
Hilarious. Andy, I would hope if Desipo wereto be purchased by a larger media entity that you’d at least brush up on your NIU Journalism basics.
Hey, I’ve got a degree and everything. Class of ’95, BA Journalism. It’s where they taught me the proper use of journalistic necessities like “Or something” and “Guh.”
We’re still number one, bitches!
http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/news/story?id=2007263
…and “did I just say that out loud?”
ANDY! Hank White t-shirts…for real, yes or no?
http://www.cafepress.com/hankwhite
I just got my Hank White Fan Club baseball jersey (blue sleeves) yesterday and it’s a beauty.
Soooo, what’s going on with the game. Is it over?
I think I’ll be released today.
now SLut is fellating Mike Matheny. I wrongly predicted the media would someday wake up to The Genius’ propaganda machine.
How could we release Kelton? Is that even possible?
I mean, if he has value to two or more teams, can’t we get something for him?
HELLO!?
Unfortunately we can’t just send kelton back to the minors – he’s used up all his options. He’d have to clear waivers before he could stay in the Cubs’ system.
And Atlanta (for one) would swoop him up in seconds. We’d have to trade him for something if we don’t put him on the 25-man roster.
9-4 bottom eight.
Todd Wellemeyer in for the Cubs.
Right, so let’s trade his ass…he’s not making the team…
If it comes down to Kelton-Dubois for the last roster spot, how much you want to bet that the Cubs send Dubois to Iowa because they can?
I’m waiting to see if Hank makes the 25 man b4 I order.
JUST KIDDING!!
Andy
You’re spot on. Cubs are praying Kelton outshines Dubois this spring.
Not gonna happen. Dubois better get used to Des Moines
Kelton surprised me with that running catch back in the second inning. When he saw action in 2003, he played the outfield like a man falling out of a tree. Today he looked like… a graceful athlete falling out of a tree.
Damn, the comments be coming fast and furious today.
And if Kelton makes the roster, I’ll leave a flaming bag of poo on Dusty’s doorstep
Can’t we give Macias the boot instead of one of these guys? At least we KNOW for sure that Jose sucks!
Anyone else notice that Macias also got plunked on the knee today? But when the damn ball hits Kory, it’s a contusion, and when Macias gets hit it’s not even a flesh wound?
I think The Gremlin is in danger of losing his job. He’s a backup at what, second, third and center? Well Hairston’s a backup at second and all three OF spots and if Dave Hansen makes it he backs up first and third. So long, Jose.
Macias is a latter day Black Knight.
Baker’s already said in the papers that DuBois may not make the team simply because Kelton’s out of options. The Cubs won’t get rid of Macias, he’s like their own Nelson De LeRosa.
What the hell was the point of signing Macias? You’re guaranteed to get a guy as good who shows up at camp. What Derick May wasn’t available?
If there’s a Hank White T-shirt, then, well…you know…
Amazing, don’t any of you people work?
Personally, I get paid to surf the net.
But don’t tell my boss.
Professional student, buddy. And I personally find the Cubs more interesting than revokable trusts
is it just me or has Dusty gained a few pounds?
Dusty’s on the cream, the clear, and the deepdish.
> Amazing, don’t any of you people work?
Now, now… chicks find me more amusing than you might surmise.
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