Houston: Roy Oswalt 14-9, 3.42 ERA
Cubs: Kerry Wood 7-5, 2.97 ERA
292 Comments
Lovie Smith
on August 27, 2004 at 8:38 am
Just wondering, Andy, if you could do a Bears gamecast tonight. That way I can turn on the computer and turn down Hub Arkush while roaming the sidelines.
That said, I really like the PA guy who is legendary for his "There is a time out … …. on the field."
Breaking News
on August 27, 2004 at 11:07 am
Did I miss the breaking news that the Cubs traded Prior for Jose Mesa? It seems yesterday’s pants-filling by posters watching Prior disintegrate into a 2004 version of Calvin Schiraldi would call for a deal.
Luckily, Prior was able to barely overcome a horrible start by many accounts on this board and actually get a win, even though he gave up a ton of runs (2) and baserunners (10) in six innings.
Thank goodness I can count on the segment of Desipio posters who have one hand on the chicken switch and the other waving the white flag (not the one with the ‘W’ on it).
Sloth
on August 27, 2004 at 11:12 am
Thank God I missed all of the Prior haters. I love him as much as Andy loves Sam-Me. Some muthafuckas would have died.
CT
on August 27, 2004 at 11:25 am
This ain’t no Daily Dose!
Not A Prior Hater
on August 27, 2004 at 11:31 am
Just spoiled from his sterling year and half in the bigs. I miss the old Mark Prior.
Enraged Reader
on August 27, 2004 at 11:35 am
DAILY DOSE!!! WE WANT OUR DAILY DOSE!!!
C’mon, one more Andy and we’ll call it a week.
Enraged Reader #2
on August 27, 2004 at 11:37 am
I second that, Dolan get off the couch and write the dose!!
Chester Kodzoroski
on August 27, 2004 at 11:39 am
Hey, look, Dolan:
I’ll sue you for concrete falling off the Desipio Tower in Boone County Court if you don’t post a Dose byt the end of the day.
I’m already preparing my Wrigley Field posting.
Jim "Lassie" Edmonds
on August 27, 2004 at 11:40 am
Come on Dolan I dare you to write about my k-9 love
Gabor Bako
on August 27, 2004 at 11:42 am
Andy, don’t you feel like making fun of me today?
The Genius
on August 27, 2004 at 11:56 am
Andy, can’t you say anything about my team’s coming collapse.
Chip Caray
on August 27, 2004 at 11:58 am
Hmm,
Did Dolan run the bases last half inning, rendering him too exhausted to pen a Daily Dose?
The Beege
on August 27, 2004 at 12:01 pm
I heard he looked as bad as me in the outfield. Rumors are he made a fool of himself in the desipio company softball game.
Mark Giangreco
on August 27, 2004 at 12:29 pm
I can’t believe Dolan’s actually taking a DAY OFF!
Jeff Joniak
on August 27, 2004 at 12:33 pm
He probably needs the day to prepare for my award-winning play-by-play tonight.
The Daily Doze
on August 27, 2004 at 12:39 pm
Geez, Andy decides to take a nap and you all jump on
him to get on the stick, or else each of you would
have to actually, you know, WORK.
So, we’ll have a Daily Doze today instead, designed to
keep you all awake and away from working on the
Vandalay files that are two weeks overdue now.
Yesterday’s Cubs game was a work in progress for Mark
Prior. It’s unclear if he is 100%, getting stronger,
or getting worse, since the Cubs aren’t offering much
in the way of news or information. How we truly miss
the Tribune’s hand-wringing "Prior Watch" meter that
ran for nearly three months this spring. Luckily, we
have George Offman to rely on to tell us the Cubs are
LYING! and Prior’s liver is due to fall out any day
now.
What really alarmed me was the amount of posters
yesterday who were CONVINCED Prior was on his way to a
2.2 IP, 7 ER line. After a few strikeouts and the
masterful way he pitched himself out of the jam in the
sixth, I think we can all agree that a
still-recovering Prior is better than many 3rd, 4th,
and 5th starters on other teams.
Sammy was happy to help stake Prior to a 3-run lead
after belting (Chip’s word) an opposite field homer
that just stayed fair. While Sammy was mum on his
performance after the game, Desipio.com was able to
pick up some of Sosa’s chatter off the Cubs’ dugout
microphone:
Sammy: No problem, buddy. I keeled that ball to the
right field. Even Ned Yost had to speak it was fair,
buddy.
The 4-2 lead the Cubs enjoyed at the time would have
been enough, but they tacked on another 4 runs as they
ran away with it.
Karry Ling checks in with some Olympic news:
"Hello again everybody, Karry Ling here in Greece.
Pepe and I are looking forward to the men’s basketball
game today. We would like to have something to bolster
our spirits after the shameful controversy surrounding
the gymnastics gold medal won by Nomar Garciaparra’s
wife. The latest from Athens is that the committee
wants Hamm to give up the gold in a show of
sportsmanship. I have a show for the committee, but
I’d rather not spend another night in the Grecian
pokey.
Pepe is disappointed about the games winding down. He
has really enjoyed his time here in Athens and would
like to do the Summer Olympics with me again, but is
leery about the prospect of traveling to Beijing in
2008 since he could feed a village.
I am hoping to get an exclusive interview with Spain’s
basketball coach to discuss why he wants to pick a
fight with Larry Brown. I will have to tell him that
my good friend, Spain’s Generalisimo Francisco Franco
would disapprove. I think he’ll see things differently
when he gets back to Spain and talks with Frank.
That’s all from Athens!"
Uh, thanks, Karry.
The Cardinals got 3-hit by the Reds yesterday. The
hitters for St. Louis were upset that there was a pine
tar shortage, forcing them to lose the grip on their
bats. Security scoured the stands for Julian Tavarez’s
hat, so they could use that, but it was nowhere to be
found. They did find some Italian beef meat from the
concessions under one seat, but it was later revealed
to be Jim Edmonds’ dog food for his date later that
night. Or something.
Find your own damn links. I’m going to have a
sandwich. When Dolan wakes up, he can thank me for
forcing his audience over to Ivy Chat.
cubbiebluestew
on August 27, 2004 at 12:46 pm
Kerry Wood vs. Roy Oswalt today. Have any warnings been issued yet? The only Asstroll who is safe is Jeff Bagwell. Fortunately, Gabor Paul Bako, the Cubs’ slugger, is not in the lineup today, otherwise there would be a bounty on his head.
Jay Mariotti
on August 27, 2004 at 12:51 pm
Even I can put down my doughnut long enough to rehash something I did a few months ago, although I often take the opposite side. Make with the Dose, bitch!
Ivy Chat
on August 27, 2004 at 12:54 pm
My last post is dated Wednesday, Aug, 25th.
It's not the VANDALY File, it's the....
on August 27, 2004 at 12:55 pm
PENSKE File, you fool!
Fanball
on August 27, 2004 at 1:05 pm
"The Pittsburgh Tribune Review is reporting that the team placed Mesa on waivers with the intention of working out a trade with the Cubs, however the Giants blocked the move this week by putting in a claim on him."
Then again, we probably don’t know what we’re talking about because we also said this:
"One has to assume he would be used as a closer, but LaTroy Hawkins and Dustin Hermanson are doing solid jobs."
Andy
on August 27, 2004 at 1:13 pm
Just checking in, and you know, your heartfelt expressions of longing for the Dose make me feel good. I am sorry that I wasn’t able to pen one today. I am not ill, (at least not physically) and I wasn’t sure I’d even get to the computer today before 2:20 so I set the Cubs Live thread up this morning.
Anyway, I see Chuck tried to fill the void (might want to work on the line spacing). I’ll be around for at least part of the CubsLive this afternoon.
See you then. Go Cubs!
Love,
andy
morpheus
on August 27, 2004 at 1:20 pm
Starting lineups:
Astros
The Beege, LF
Carlos Beltran, CF
Jeff Bagwell, 1B
Lance Berkman, RF
Jeff Pornstache, 2B
Morgan Ensberg, 3B
Jose Vizcaino, SS
Raul Chavez, C
Roy Oswalt, P
Cubs
Corey Patterson, CF
Derrek Lee, 1B
Nomar Garciaparra, SS
Moises Alou, LF
Sammy Sosa, RF
Aramis Ramirez, 3B
Mark Grudzielanek, 2B
Michael Barrett, C
Kerry Wood, P
CT
on August 27, 2004 at 1:43 pm
Question, under the current waiver wire system, can you only attempt to put a player through waivers once? For example, if the Cubs lose today, and San Francisco wins, SF would have a half game lead. This would mean that if Pittsburgh could run Mesa through waivers again, the Cubs would have the chance to claim him before the Giants. Is this allowed?
Actually....
on August 27, 2004 at 1:51 pm
The Cubs would still be ahead by percentage points. as to the substance of your question, I have no idea.
TW
on August 27, 2004 at 1:52 pm
Pretty sure you can only run him through once and still have the option of pulling him back. If you put him through a second time and someone claims him, you lose him for nothing.
CT
on August 27, 2004 at 1:57 pm
Thanks TW, by the way, I see that the Astros have put Dan Miceli on the DL and called up Russ Springer(!) and his career 5.01 ERA to take his place. I didn’t think it was possible to downgrade from Dan Miceli, guess I was wrong again.
Roy Harvey Oswalt
on August 27, 2004 at 2:03 pm
Right now, I’m Texas’ second-most famous assasin.
By the end of the day, I’ll be No. 1.
I’ve already passed up this guy:
and this guy:
(I’ve only surpassed them as far as assasins go. They’re both a little more effective than I’ve been lately.)
Anyway, I’ve got my sights set on the No. 1 assasin. If I hit Patterson, D-Lee and Nomar, I’ll be right there. If only I could pitch from a book depository…
I’m coming after you, Lee Harvey Oswald!
Chuck
on August 27, 2004 at 2:07 pm
That wasn’t me, Andy. You can tell because I’m not that verbose. If I get more than 100 words out at a time it’s a miracle.
That and I’m Mr. Mom this week as the daycare is closed until Monday for a teacher’s summer vacation. Spent this AM at the Kohl’s Children’s museum in Wilmette with the boys. A good time was had by all and the president of the museum invited me to be on their board (e-mail me if you want to go the the Sept. 14th gold outing).
I’m just a little verclempt that people are concerned that IvyChat hasn’t been updated in a few days. You like me! You really, really like me! Perhaps if I can get both kidos to take a snooze, I can write a post.
The almost 5 year old just turned on the Chipster, so perhaps a nap for him is looming.
Chuck
on August 27, 2004 at 2:09 pm
By the way, that would be a golf outing, not gold.
Kerry Wood
on August 27, 2004 at 2:15 pm
Hi, Desipio readers!
Just wanted to tell you that I’m not the assasin Roy Harvey Oswalt, the Genius, or the Genius’ evil sidekick Dave Duncan think I am. They’re all off my Christmas card list. As is Bob Watson, the jagoff who suspends me all the time for no reason.
It’s too bad, because I think my wife and I were going to make it out of this old wedding picture:
Dear Kerry,
on August 27, 2004 at 2:20 pm
Is the "9" by your groin significant? If so, the Beege is history.
Sincerely,
Chip
CT
on August 27, 2004 at 2:21 pm
Nice job Kerry. Wait to f#ck up the Gamecast before the game even starts.
CB Bucknor
on August 27, 2004 at 2:24 pm
Good luck today Cubs!
Ty Willingham
on August 27, 2004 at 2:25 pm
Now that Mark Prior has degenerated into Dick Tidrow, he dropped by South Bend today. He had a set a drums strapped to him.
Chuck
on August 27, 2004 at 2:25 pm
USC guy on the ND bench? The Trojans will disown him!
Chuck
on August 27, 2004 at 2:26 pm
Chip: "How would he look in a Cub uniform?"
Great in left or center.
morpheus
on August 27, 2004 at 2:27 pm
Is the wind blowing out again?
Carlos Beltran
on August 27, 2004 at 2:27 pm
It’s a law, I have to homer in every game I play in Chicago.
Cubs Pitching
on August 27, 2004 at 2:27 pm
We really need to quit throwing him low pitches
Kerry Wood
on August 27, 2004 at 2:29 pm
Line-out, homer, 4-pitch walk, hit batsman…
Pornstache
on August 27, 2004 at 2:30 pm
…DP?
Chip Caray
on August 27, 2004 at 2:30 pm
Honesty compels me to say that I have no idea why some people question my sexual preference…
CT
on August 27, 2004 at 2:30 pm
If only Biggio had reached base. Then Garner would have ordered Beltran to sacrifice.
Kerry Wood
on August 27, 2004 at 2:30 pm
I am a top 5 pitcher in the league! How are they doing this to me!
Kerry Wood
on August 27, 2004 at 2:30 pm
Man, I’m pitching like shit.
Bobby Knight
on August 27, 2004 at 2:31 pm
Wow! My eyes hurt, chip.
Not even I’d wear that @#!$$!@#! fucking sweater
John Kerry Wood
on August 27, 2004 at 2:31 pm
Do you know who I am?
Glendon Rusch
on August 27, 2004 at 2:32 pm
Get me up!
Kerry Wood
on August 27, 2004 at 2:32 pm
Might as well start hitting guys now.
#45
on August 27, 2004 at 2:32 pm
Kerry Wood IS a top 5 pitcher in the league, although it’s clear that the bastard didn’t show up today. Thanks Kerry.
Kerry
on August 27, 2004 at 2:32 pm
Don’t worry guys. It’s only 4-0, and both the walk and the HBP scored. This had to happen sometime.
Morgan Ensberg
on August 27, 2004 at 2:33 pm
Uh, I’m good?
Kerry Wood
on August 27, 2004 at 2:34 pm
2/3 of the way there…
Mark Prior
on August 27, 2004 at 2:34 pm
Yeah, I’m the problem.
Well
on August 27, 2004 at 2:35 pm
If they win this one, maybe it really is their year. Down 4 to Oswalt before you even get to bat. Nice clutch performance, Kerry.
Sammy Sosa
on August 27, 2004 at 2:35 pm
Don’t worry, buddy. I’m a gladiator, buddy. I hit the big home run yesterday, buddy. I made the fans happy like always, buddy. This is still my house, buddy. Mark McGwire is still the man, but he’s the man on golf course now, buddy. I’m the man on the diamond, buddy.
Raul Chavez
on August 27, 2004 at 2:35 pm
I have more K’s than hits.
#51
on August 27, 2004 at 2:35 pm
Don’t you have to do something in order to be considered a top 5 pitcher, like, I don’t know win more than 14 games in a season or have a top 5 era? Just wondering.
Greg Maddux
on August 27, 2004 at 2:36 pm
That looked like me in some of my 1st inning starts
CT
on August 27, 2004 at 2:38 pm
#52, uh, the walk and the HBP both scored, is that supposed to make us feel better?
Kerry Wood
on August 27, 2004 at 2:38 pm
I’m a huge clutch guy. Remember last October? I did great in deciding games. 50% is good, right?
Kerry Wood
on August 27, 2004 at 2:38 pm
"Don’t you have to do something in order to be considered a top 5 pitcher, like, I don’t know win more than 14 games in a season or have a top 5 era? Just wondering."
I dunno, I remember almost single-handedly beating a 100-win Braves team in the playoffs last year, dickless.
Mark Prior
on August 27, 2004 at 2:38 pm
Hey, all you Prior-haters…
Maybe I can play for the team I pitched for in little league:
Chuck
on August 27, 2004 at 2:40 pm
Man, Corey sucked. He only walked on 5 pitches. It would have been better if the at bat lasted at least 7 so everyone could see Oswalt’s stuff. That’s what you need from your leadoff guy.
Cubs Scrapbook
on August 27, 2004 at 2:42 pm
Has someone been breaking into the starting staff’s houses while they’re pitching?
Mia
on August 27, 2004 at 2:43 pm
Seeing you bring that wood, honey, makes me remind you I’m ovulating next week.
Roy Oswalt
on August 27, 2004 at 2:43 pm
Hey look at my great fundamental baseball. Instead of being backing up the play at the plate I was the cut guy for the relay throw.
I’m a big pussy.
Dave B
on August 27, 2004 at 2:44 pm
Pat Hughes thinks some of the Wrigley applause for Nomar today is for Mia Hamm and the gold medal soccer team.
I got news for you Pat, 99.982% of the fans at Wrigley today don’t give a shit about womens’ soccer (unless Fred Huebner is in the press box).
CT
on August 27, 2004 at 2:44 pm
So far, this is not a pitching clinic. Hopefully the offense can give Kerry a mulligan on his first inning.
Chip Caray
on August 27, 2004 at 2:44 pm
I love calling outs as homeruns.
Dusty
on August 27, 2004 at 2:46 pm
Wind blowing out, down two, and we’re running? Who’s the dumbass here?
Nomar Garciaparra
on August 27, 2004 at 2:46 pm
I’m running there, why? Even if Sammy strikes out, Aramis Ramirez is going to bat with me on base. Good decision-making!
morpheus
on August 27, 2004 at 2:46 pm
What happened to Garciaparra?
B.C.
on August 27, 2004 at 2:46 pm
Did anyone just see Paul Bako in the dugout congratulating Nomar for getting thrown out at second???
What was that about?
Big Head Todd
on August 27, 2004 at 2:47 pm
Feel better, Sammy. I take that pitch too.
Question
on August 27, 2004 at 2:47 pm
Why wasn’t Nomar on 2nd anyway. The ball went to wall, AND the relay throw went to the play, well I should say Oswalt cut it off a few feet in front of the plate. Nomar could have gone in easily to 2nd.
Chuck
on August 27, 2004 at 2:48 pm
B.C.:
Bako is an NBA fan. You know, like high fives after missed free throws.
Bronze or bust.
B.C.
on August 27, 2004 at 2:48 pm
Four runs won’t decide this game.
Then again, the way this one is going, fourTEEN might not either.
Um...
on August 27, 2004 at 2:49 pm
Confused. It says he doubled. But then says caught stealing second. What’s up?
B.C.
on August 27, 2004 at 2:50 pm
Barrett/Oswalt: World War III!!!
CT
on August 27, 2004 at 2:50 pm
BC, probably because Bako wants to take advantage of the fact that his teammates are actually speaking to him for the next couple days. After Maddux’s next start, they’ll be ignoring him again.
Nomar
on August 27, 2004 at 2:50 pm
Singled off the wall.
Thrown out trying to steal.
Barrett
on August 27, 2004 at 2:50 pm
I am a supreme dumbass. I want to be suspended and get ejected!!!!! Here comes Bako!!!!!!!
Bako
on August 27, 2004 at 2:51 pm
B.C., maybe I was giving him kudos for his RBI…?
Yogi Barrett
on August 27, 2004 at 2:51 pm
Who says you have to throw at anyone to start a brawl?
Some help
on August 27, 2004 at 2:51 pm
Someone who is watching the game… what happened to Garciaparra?
Roy Oswalt
on August 27, 2004 at 2:51 pm
I’m such a bitch.
Yeah, and what brawl?
on August 27, 2004 at 2:52 pm
info.
Jack Ruby
on August 27, 2004 at 2:52 pm
Don’t worry Yogi Barrett. I’ll take care of Roy Harvey Oswalt.
Too bad I’m dead.
Nomar
on August 27, 2004 at 2:52 pm
Singled off the wall in CF. Then caught stealing at second on 1-1 pitch to Samuel.
Sprotsline
on August 27, 2004 at 2:52 pm
I say Garciaparra doubled and then got caught stealing, catcher to shortstop?
CT
on August 27, 2004 at 2:52 pm
A fight?!? What’s going on? Did Bagwell sucker punch Oswalt?
Info
on August 27, 2004 at 2:53 pm
When Oswalt came up and was in the batters box Barrett got up into his face. The ump quickly separated the two, and both benches emptied. Nothing too big.
Michael Barrett
on August 27, 2004 at 2:53 pm
I am flaunting my masculinity, but not enough to be thrown out. I rule.
Sportsline
on August 27, 2004 at 2:53 pm
I can’t even spell my own name
Mike Peluso
on August 27, 2004 at 2:54 pm
Will be batting for Barrett next inning…he and Everett Sanipass give the Cubs a decided advantage…
Probert getting loose down the left-field line…
Chip
on August 27, 2004 at 2:55 pm
Hey, I love making Bartman jokes. I am the king of being a fag. I am so funny. I loathe myself.
B.C.
on August 27, 2004 at 2:56 pm
Barrett’s taking names now!
The winds of God reward him with two consecutive pop-up catches.
I doubt Oswalt will throw at Barrett, but I would love to see what would happen if he does.
Michael Barrett
on August 27, 2004 at 2:56 pm
I talked smack to Oswalt, the benches cleared, I followed him down to first when he grounded out, getting the whole Astros bench to cuss me out, then I made two great catches on pop outs.
Twas my inning.
Cub Fans
on August 27, 2004 at 2:56 pm
Not as much as we loathe you, Chippy…
CT
on August 27, 2004 at 2:56 pm
#97, a hockey reference on Desipio?!? That can’t be right.
What would be cool...
on August 27, 2004 at 2:57 pm
Cubs score the next 10 runs…Garner decides to get lippy later on, has one of his guys hit one of our guys, then Farnsworth serves up the equalizer right into Biggio’s hip, thus having himself kicked out for 10 games and allowing Ice Man to take over bullpen role.
Too much to ask?
Chuck
on August 27, 2004 at 2:58 pm
Chip scores! The almost 5 year old just passed out! Where’s a beer?
B.C.
on August 27, 2004 at 2:58 pm
Awww… Shucks… Little Chippy doesn’t want to see a fight…
Kyle Farnsworth
on August 27, 2004 at 2:58 pm
You know, if Kerry Wood gets kay-oed, this could be a good time to put me in.
Need I present to you exhibit A?
Scout
on August 27, 2004 at 3:01 pm
No one wants a fight…we can’t afford the suspensions that would result. Unless you want Bako catching for 5 straight days.
Kerry
on August 27, 2004 at 3:02 pm
I got my good stuff today.
Kerry Wood
on August 27, 2004 at 3:03 pm
I guess I’m a top 5 hom run launching pad.
Sloth
on August 27, 2004 at 3:03 pm
I’m here. Was quite bizzy unsuccesfully trying to find clothing-optional pictures of that Greek hurdler chick.
What happened so far?
Where’s my dose?
Glendon
on August 27, 2004 at 3:04 pm
Hey! I’m available.
B.C.
on August 27, 2004 at 3:04 pm
Yikes. This has potential to be really ugly.
6-2 Astros.
Sloth
on August 27, 2004 at 3:04 pm
I love Mike Barrett.
That don’t make me gay, do it?
Naah, of course not.
Chuck
on August 27, 2004 at 3:05 pm
Sloth, Andy thinks I did the Dose in his place. So he’s taking the day off.
Kyle Farnsworth
on August 27, 2004 at 3:05 pm
Put me in Dusty! I’ve been sparring with the Lawnmower! I’m ready!
C’mon I’ll decapitate Jeff Pornstache and call it a night!
Besides, I want to get suspended because I don’t want to go to Montreal./
#109
on August 27, 2004 at 3:05 pm
I guess you’re a goddam moron. Every pitcher has a bad game.
You can do your "the sky is falling" act and rip into Cubs icons with impunity there. Enjoy!
B.C.
on August 27, 2004 at 3:05 pm
Ice Man warming up.
Come on Kerry, we need you to settle down.
Two and Two-Thirds
on August 27, 2004 at 3:07 pm
B.C.,
This is bowling shoe ugly so far, but this will be a marathon, not a sprint. It should be a fun 13-10 game or something like that. Hopefully, the Cubs will have the 13.
B.C.
on August 27, 2004 at 3:08 pm
Middle 3rd
Astros 6
Cubs 2
The unusual thing is that Kerry has gotten Vizcaino, who always seems to kill us, to strike out twice.
It’s just he can’t seem to get anybody else out.
If we can get even one run on the board here to answer we should be all right.
Kerry Wood
on August 27, 2004 at 3:10 pm
I got wheels! Take that Fat Lance!
Take that Roy Harvey!
Lance Berkman
on August 27, 2004 at 3:10 pm
I’ve got a noodle arm.
Kerry Wood
on August 27, 2004 at 3:10 pm
I injured my arm sliding into second.
Uh, oops?
Also, Oswalt stuffs his crotch. Pass it on.
B.C.
on August 27, 2004 at 3:10 pm
Wood gets a double… Come on Corey…
Corey
on August 27, 2004 at 3:11 pm
How come I start flailing away like the Corey of old whenever somebody’s on base ahead of me?
Corey
on August 27, 2004 at 3:13 pm
Shut up, chuck
Corey
on August 27, 2004 at 3:13 pm
Yup, there I am. Even when I’m hot, if there’s somebody on ahead of me, I’m swinging at everything.
CT
on August 27, 2004 at 3:13 pm
Man, a double for Wood, the visibility at Wrigley must be spectacular today. The Astros can’t feel safe. The Cubs hit way too many homers to not hit one today.
Derrek Lee
on August 27, 2004 at 3:14 pm
2-0 count, man on second….time to take a pitch right down the middle.
D-Lee
on August 27, 2004 at 3:15 pm
There, Kerry, I got the two runs back. Now stop giving them up.
B.C.
on August 27, 2004 at 3:15 pm
Derrek Lee: "I love the shrubs."
6-4 Astros.
Morgan Ensberg
on August 27, 2004 at 3:16 pm
I’m like a vacuum. I suck.
B.C.
on August 27, 2004 at 3:16 pm
Ensberg, the wind’s blowing out at Wrigley.
Screwing up a routine groundball is not the thing to do.
Morgan Ensberg
on August 27, 2004 at 3:17 pm
I threw out my back making that error. God, I’m retarded.
Derrek Lee
on August 27, 2004 at 3:17 pm
Whoo!
Bernie Mac
on August 27, 2004 at 3:18 pm
Whoo!
CT
on August 27, 2004 at 3:18 pm
Time for Garciaparra to steal second.
Ric Flair
on August 27, 2004 at 3:18 pm
Whoo!
Nomar
on August 27, 2004 at 3:20 pm
Boy, I’m having a great day on the bases. I run when I shouldn’t, don’t run when I should.
Vince Coleman
on August 27, 2004 at 3:21 pm
Run when you should, but don’t when you shouldn’t, Nomar…
#138
on August 27, 2004 at 3:22 pm
I guess you’re a goddam moron. Every shortstop has a bad game.
You can do your "the sky is falling" act and rip into Cubs icons with impunity there. Enjoy!
Kerry Wood
on August 27, 2004 at 3:22 pm
I can give up 2 runs just as easily as we can get them, ya know. This is fun!
#140
on August 27, 2004 at 3:24 pm
The difference is that I’m not claiming that Nomar is a bad shortstop because of a few baserunning gaffes. Even if he had a really bad two weeks of games, that wouldn’t make him a bad shortstop.
Moron.
Nomar
on August 27, 2004 at 3:24 pm
Awesome, I’ve been a Cub for 27 days, and I’m already an Icon. I’ll be a Cubs Legend by next Tuesday.
B.C.
on August 27, 2004 at 3:25 pm
Possible problem for Kerry: I haven’t seen the WGN gun put him above 90 MPH on any pitch since the start of the third.
No one’s suggesting that Wood sucks. The suggestion is that his rep as a top 5 pitcher in the league isn’t deserved.
Chip
on August 27, 2004 at 3:26 pm
Maybe if I give Beege and Bags a few more hummers, they’ll get in the HoF.
Hmm
on August 27, 2004 at 3:27 pm
"No one’s suggesting that Wood sucks. The suggestion is that his rep as a top 5 pitcher in the league isn’t deserved."
The suggestion is that he’s not a top 5 pitcher in the league because of this game. That’s why I suggested that you’re a goddam moron.
Moises + Nomar
on August 27, 2004 at 3:28 pm
That double we just let drop won’t come back to hurt us, will it?
B.C.
on August 27, 2004 at 3:29 pm
Well, at least Beltran didn’t hit a homer that at-bat.
Hmmer
on August 27, 2004 at 3:31 pm
The suggestion is that he’s not a top 5 pitcher in the league because of his career. And today is another one of the bad games Kerry puts up too often to be talked about as a top 5 guy.
But then, you knew that.
Moises + Nomar
on August 27, 2004 at 3:31 pm
Yea, maybe one of us should have caught that pop up.
Big Daddy
on August 27, 2004 at 3:32 pm
Another chest high fastball and it’s 10-4.
Carlos Beltran
on August 27, 2004 at 3:33 pm
Why do Chip & Steve keep talking about getting me? Where am I gonna play?
Go Hmm Yourself
on August 27, 2004 at 3:33 pm
"The suggestion is that he’s not a top 5 pitcher in the league because of his career. And today is another one of the bad games Kerry puts up too often to be talked about as a top 5 guy.
But then, you knew that."
Yea, he gives up 7 runs through 3 2/3 all the time.
You’re pretty dumb.
B.C.
on August 27, 2004 at 3:33 pm
This may be the last batter (Berkman) Kerry faces, either way.
CT
on August 27, 2004 at 3:33 pm
That would have been nice…
Chuck
on August 27, 2004 at 3:34 pm
"Why do Chip & Steve keep talking about getting me?"
Perhaps they have something against the Cubs’ current left fielder?
Could that be?
Naw….
Moises Alou
on August 27, 2004 at 3:34 pm
You can play left, Carlos. I’ll be pissing on my hands somewhere else next year.
Moises + Nomar
on August 27, 2004 at 3:34 pm
Well, we only cost us a run. Not too shabby.
B.C.
on August 27, 2004 at 3:36 pm
Why, with the wind blowing out, would Sammy be swinging at a breaking ball six inches off the ground on the first pitch?
Grud
on August 27, 2004 at 3:38 pm
Hmm, can I have another 2 homer game against the Astros?
Ryan Dempster
on August 27, 2004 at 3:38 pm
Hey Chip, anyone ever tell you what my sinker looks like when it’s NOT working?
I want to go back to Iowa…
Michael Barrett
on August 27, 2004 at 3:41 pm
Maybe I should have saved my testosterone for my swing.
Kerry
on August 27, 2004 at 3:42 pm
Help Mr. Wizard!
Yikes
on August 27, 2004 at 3:42 pm
Fine it’s one game. That doesn’t mean he’s not sucking today.
Dusty
on August 27, 2004 at 3:42 pm
Can somebody get me a map? I don’t how to find the mound to take Kerry out.
CT
on August 27, 2004 at 3:42 pm
Is Dempster pitching now? Yahoo claims it’s still Wood…
Mike D.
on August 27, 2004 at 3:43 pm
#115, Kyle Farnsworth wrote,
"Besides, I want to get suspended because I don’t want to go to Montreal."
Oh, don’t worry Kyle. I gotta feeling you’ll be knocking up French-Canadian waitresses on St. Catherine Street by Mid-April next year, jackass.
Bud Selig
on August 27, 2004 at 3:44 pm
No. He’d be chasing Congressional interns in DC, or tree-huggers in Portland, if flannel boy gets his way.
Chuck
on August 27, 2004 at 3:45 pm
Is there scheduled to be a AAA team in Montreal next year? ‘Cause the Spos are gonna be in DC in 05.
Dusty
on August 27, 2004 at 3:47 pm
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Dusty
on August 27, 2004 at 3:47 pm
Bring in Dempster. I really don’t want to win this game.
Dusty
on August 27, 2004 at 3:47 pm
…wh? Oh, there’s a game going on…
Dempster
on August 27, 2004 at 3:48 pm
In fairness, I’ve only given up 1 earned run this year. Granted, I walk everything in sight, but still…
Kerry Wood
on August 27, 2004 at 3:49 pm
Hmm, I guess I’m left to sing the blues in the club house.
At least this doesn’t look as ridiculous as Caray (Chip) or the other Kerry (John) with a guitar.
Right?
Ryan Dempster
on August 27, 2004 at 3:49 pm
I don’t know what Kerry’s problem is. That high fastball worked out pretty well…
Jose Vizcaino
on August 27, 2004 at 3:50 pm
Moises, I’m giving you your "Baserunning for Dummies" book back.
CT
on August 27, 2004 at 3:51 pm
Nice work, Dumpster. Luckily, you’re out after this inning.
.260
on August 27, 2004 at 3:52 pm
Will that gigantic assbag Sosa ever see me again this year?
Tom Goodwin
on August 27, 2004 at 3:52 pm
Help!! I don’t know what this piece of wood is for. Am I supposed to swing it?
Chuck
on August 27, 2004 at 3:54 pm
Time to start ragging on Korey again
Scout
on August 27, 2004 at 3:58 pm
The Cubs aren’t dumb enough to throw at someone down by 4 with the wind blowing out. Garner should sit down.
The Cubs
on August 27, 2004 at 4:00 pm
"The Cubs aren’t dumb enough…" – That’s only time anybody’s said that about us this year.
Kent Mercker
on August 27, 2004 at 4:03 pm
I’ll send everyone home here in a bit. Early dismissal today.
CT
on August 27, 2004 at 4:06 pm
It’s time to go from bad to Weurtz…what do you mean he’s not here?
Cubs
on August 27, 2004 at 4:06 pm
We wish Bucknor would have thrown Mercker out.
Kent Mercker
on August 27, 2004 at 4:07 pm
Well, at least that ground into a double play now.
Phil Garner
on August 27, 2004 at 4:08 pm
Good news, Cubs fans!
I might go home the winner today, but I’ll have to bring the Assholes back here tomorrow, and Sunday. And I’ll be damned if we won’t leave Chicago after losing 3 of 4.
Besides you have just 9 more games against winning teams left.
Michael Barrett
on August 27, 2004 at 4:09 pm
Maybe next time, I’ll just let sleeping Astros lay.
Peter Gammons
on August 27, 2004 at 4:09 pm
Like every other Boston "fan" I am now bashing Nomar. From my latest column.
In the first 15 games after the Boston/Cubs/Twins/Expos trade, the batting average on balls put in play against the Cubs rose from .330 to .357, while the same average against the Red Sox declined from .336 to .308.
John Leicester
on August 27, 2004 at 4:10 pm
The Ice Man cometh.
Brawl
on August 27, 2004 at 4:10 pm
Will I show up in the bottom of the 6th or 7th inning?
Andy
on August 27, 2004 at 4:11 pm
I leave you nitwits alone for half a day and I come back to this?
The Cubs down 9-4 (nice slide by the Pornstache there) and three pictures posted here that you could cover the Wrigley infield with?
Fine, I’ll go fix the pictures now.
John Leicester
on August 27, 2004 at 4:11 pm
And the Astros goeth.
Andy
on August 27, 2004 at 4:13 pm
Did I just see Chip with a pair of Mickey Mouse ears on?
From the looks of the replay, Goofy had better stuff today than Kerry did.
Sammy
on August 27, 2004 at 4:14 pm
I think I’ll hit a solo home run now.
Sammy
on August 27, 2004 at 4:16 pm
Uh, did I just say that?
CT
on August 27, 2004 at 4:16 pm
Fine with me Sammy, the Cubs are capable of coming back and winning this one. Especially with the Astros "vaunted" bullpen.
Mike D.
on August 27, 2004 at 4:18 pm
I wonder what Sam Me’s numbers have been in each group Of 16 at-bats after he homers. Not that he’s swinging for the fences, but it seems every time he goes yard, he goes into a 2-for-16 stretch. Or something like that.
By the way, that fat phuck’s batting .255 now. He makes 17 million. Shoot me dead.
Doug Dascenzo
on August 27, 2004 at 4:19 pm
Maybe I can pitch a few innings of mop up work.
Mike D.
on August 27, 2004 at 4:20 pm
Now we can’t type phuck?
Larry Rothschild
on August 27, 2004 at 4:21 pm
The first thing I teach all the bullpen pitchers is to walk the first batter you face. It keeps the catcher on his toes. Those never come back to haunt you anyway.
Mike D.
on August 27, 2004 at 4:21 pm
P
H
U
C
K
There. Ha, ha. Take that, Colin Powell Jr.
Phil Garner
on August 27, 2004 at 4:21 pm
79 pitches through 6 innings? Screw the bullpen. I’m riding Roy through 9th. I hope he remembered his vaseline.
Gary Gaetti
on August 27, 2004 at 4:21 pm
I can pitch a couple innings if you need me. Riggs used to go to me in the clutch situations. I’m in the ‘Stros dugout if you need me.
Hey, anybody else see me on the replay of the "Simple Life 2" last night.
Andy
on August 27, 2004 at 4:22 pm
You can type ass.
Ron Jeremy
on August 27, 2004 at 4:23 pm
And it was ME who hit the home run into the basket in the one-game playoff in ’98.
Andy
on August 27, 2004 at 4:24 pm
That would have been one of the nicest DP’s…ever.
Mike D.
on August 27, 2004 at 4:24 pm
I like the alliterative quality of "fat p-huck" compared to fat ass, but thanks, Andy.
Andy
on August 27, 2004 at 4:25 pm
Why did Mickey leave Minnie?
Because she was fucking Goofy.
Chip Stain
on August 27, 2004 at 4:25 pm
Oswalt ought to be doggone tired from running the 90 feet toward first base there.
Andy
on August 27, 2004 at 4:25 pm
Gayest…seventh inning stretch…ever.
Chip
on August 27, 2004 at 4:27 pm
What do you mean gayest ever?? I loved it.
Chip
on August 27, 2004 at 4:30 pm
"What’s not to like about The Beege other than the fact he plays for Houston."
The Cubs
on August 27, 2004 at 4:30 pm
Screw this, we’re mailing the rest of this game in. We’ll just crush these guys tomorrow.
Roy Oswalt
on August 27, 2004 at 4:32 pm
I have now thrown the same number of pitches as Kerry did today.
Chuck
on August 27, 2004 at 4:40 pm
Wind blowing out, guy on the mound doing poorly lately, team looking for revenge.
And Oswalt is on the verge of a complete game.
Your 2004 Cubs!
Nomar
on August 27, 2004 at 4:43 pm
Ain’t over yet…
SEE
on August 27, 2004 at 4:49 pm
SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DONT WRITE A DAILY DOSE?
It’s bad luck Andy
Andy
on August 27, 2004 at 4:49 pm
Hey, they win on the weekends…sometimes.
The Farns
on August 27, 2004 at 4:53 pm
Uh…no.
Offense
on August 27, 2004 at 4:54 pm
Hey whenever we score our pitchers give it right back. We’ll get fat Roger tomorrow though.
Kyle Farnsworth
on August 27, 2004 at 4:54 pm
I absolutely suck.
Kyle Farnsworth
on August 27, 2004 at 4:55 pm
I’m disappearing myself again.
CT
on August 27, 2004 at 4:55 pm
I guess the hair wasn’t the problem.
The Comeback Killer
on August 27, 2004 at 4:55 pm
Wearing #44 in blue…
Chuck
on August 27, 2004 at 4:56 pm
CT:
Maybe he should shave his pits.
CT
on August 27, 2004 at 4:58 pm
Chuck, I just assumed that he already had. The good news for Lovie Smith is, he does not have a tough act to follow tonight.
Dusty
on August 27, 2004 at 5:00 pm
You watching, Hendry? I’m letting this bum sit three down even if he lets 6 cross.
Chuck
on August 27, 2004 at 5:01 pm
Rumor has it that Kyle now has 24 fingers and toes.
Farns
on August 27, 2004 at 5:01 pm
Wheeeeeee! There will still be "Marry Me Kyle" signs in the stands, so who cares.
Optimistic Cub fan
on August 27, 2004 at 5:02 pm
He won’t clear waivers.
Therefore, he won’t be traded.
Maybe Farnsworth will just do us all a favor and kill himself.
fcabanski
on August 27, 2004 at 5:03 pm
Pine tar on my pee pee
Chuck
on August 27, 2004 at 5:03 pm
If Farns doesn’t clear, that means someone claimed him. That means he goes if the Cubs want him to.
That also means a trade is possible.
The Farns
on August 27, 2004 at 5:04 pm
This is going pretty well, isn’t it?
Chuck
on August 27, 2004 at 5:04 pm
Bako meter down, Farnsworthless meter up.
5.00 ERA
on August 27, 2004 at 5:04 pm
Farnsworth has run by me as if I was standing still.
fcabanski
on August 27, 2004 at 5:06 pm
Farnsworth has a nice butt
.240's
on August 27, 2004 at 5:10 pm
Hey Sammy,
I’m getting nostalgic for the early 1990’s. When will you be dropping by my neighborhood? It appears real soon.
Mike Barrett
on August 27, 2004 at 5:13 pm
What were the odds of me leading the team in triples this year?
Chip Caray
on August 27, 2004 at 5:14 pm
Roy Oswalt did what he had to do. He silenced the hottest hitting team in the NL. Because, you know, 6 runs is silent. I’m an idiot.
Chip Caray
on August 27, 2004 at 5:17 pm
Did I mention that Roy Oswalt dazzled? He did, you know. He gave up six runs and was dazzling.
Baker Basher
on August 27, 2004 at 5:54 pm
First of all, this isn’t really a Dusty bash. But this is a bash that has finally caught up with Dusty. Sorry guys, I’ve said it all along this year signing in as one of many Farnsworthless. I’ve said this guy has not been good for the Cubs for the past so many years since we acquired him from the Braves. He’s finally hit the Alonseca blow up scale where there is no chance Dusty will pitch him in a critical situation.
I’m not trying to be pompous here, but I’m over joyous with Kyle’s blow up today. These guys that you talk of with potential most likely don’t turn out. Farnsworthless is a great example. It only took the Cubs organization this long to figure it out. To Dusty’s credit, it took him one year.
Folks, this is a great day for Cubs baseball. We might not have won the game today. But we’ve seen one worthless piece of relieving pitching gone by the way side. Baker will no longer use the once talked about "Potential Golden Boy."
Even Dusty has learned a lesson today. Myself, I could have taught Baker this lesson in early May.
Once again, I’ve proven my point about Dusty. This guy doesn’t have the highest IQ in the book.
As far as, TJ Brown and his Powderpuff Posse, you can just suck it once again.
GO CUBS!
re: "Basher"
on August 27, 2004 at 6:09 pm
Are you patting yourself on the back for observing that Farnsworth is an unfocused drooling mess? Because anyone with eyes can see that.
Hell, even Dusty the player’s best friend made him stay out there and piss himself the entire 9th.
Yea
on August 27, 2004 at 6:24 pm
I agree. Baker Basher is a douchebag. Go root for a team you like.
13.50
on August 27, 2004 at 7:05 pm
Hello, I’m Kyle Farnsworth’s August ERA.
3.00
on August 27, 2004 at 7:06 pm
And I’m Kyle’s close friend, his WHIP in August.
We’ll leave ".419 batting average against" at home.
CP FBomb
on August 27, 2004 at 9:47 pm
BakerBasher had about 14 beers before the game started today… Don’t be too hard on him.
Besides, I think he’s still pissed-off about a run-in with Moises Alou a few weeks ago. Following a recent Cubs loss, Basher asked Alou for an autograph. Moises hit him in the eye with 2 lb. wad of Kodiak…
Hey, Basher… Rumor has it that you’re really a Roy Oswalt fan. …and you think Mike Piazza looks good in tight pants…
Barrett for MVP!
BrianMurphy
on August 27, 2004 at 9:56 pm
If the Cubs get rid of Farnsworth, I’ll shave my scrotum and glue the hair to my chin – – – Matt Clement style…
…here’s to hoping it will be stickin’ to my legs during the dog days…
M'Nuts
on August 27, 2004 at 10:01 pm
Who do think would win in a tag-team match between Farnsworth and Cal Shiraldi vs. Mel Rojas and Antonio Alfonsuckass?
B.C.
on August 28, 2004 at 11:06 am
I know this won’t be much encouragement to you after Farnsworth’s 47th implosion of August (It’s not 47 actually, it just seems like it)…
But the Cardinals look like they finally have their first serious injury issue of the season.
Steve Kline slipped as he came off the mound trying to field a bunt in the bottom of the 8th in Pittsburgh. Kline could barely walk out of the locker room after the game was over, and Cardinal trainer Barry Weinberg said that he was not "encouraged".
According to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, here is what Kline said about the injury:
"Oh, yeah. I turned and I slipped and I heard something. Right now, it doesn’t feel too good."
(Insert Jim Edmonds joke here.)
Julian Tavarez
on August 28, 2004 at 1:02 pm
It’s all that pine tar Steve puts around the mound. He’s a no good cheater!
B.C.
on August 28, 2004 at 1:51 pm
Did I just hear WSCR report Kyle Farnsworth is going to go on the DL?
See, George was right. The Cubs are LYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
B.C.
on August 28, 2004 at 1:52 pm
The joke in the last post (#255) is making fun of Offman, not the Cubs. Just to clarify.
Kyle Farnsworth
on August 28, 2004 at 1:56 pm
Bruce Levine says that I kicked a wall or a fan (not the kind that buys a ticket) and am headed to the DL.
Carlos Zambrano
on August 28, 2004 at 3:35 pm
Astro fans – you can send that Christmas card at Wrigley please
Scout
on August 28, 2004 at 6:04 pm
What a poor at bat by Patterson. Lidge threw all balls. Unfortunely, Corey swung at 3 of them.
The Farns
on August 28, 2004 at 6:08 pm
Ha ha, oh, I’m "injured". Because I kicked a metal fan and hurt my knee. You’re welcome.
Kyle Farnsworth
on August 28, 2004 at 6:09 pm
At least you guys won’t have me to kick around for the next 15 days!
Chip Caray
on August 28, 2004 at 6:24 pm
Dumbest thing I have ever said.
"Hit on a lion, caught by a lamb."
Steve Stone
on August 28, 2004 at 6:37 pm
That’s a pretty long list there, Chip. Not quite.
Fake Dose Watch
on August 28, 2004 at 8:06 pm
Who dunnit?
I reckon BC.
B.C.
on August 28, 2004 at 8:30 pm
The statement the other day about Chip wishing Ramirez’s injury would continue to linger… Now that was pretty dumb.
B.C.
on August 28, 2004 at 8:34 pm
#264, Andy probably pretty much told us who it was in post #22.
I can tell you, honest truth, that it was not me. Andy could check the IP addresses for you (I could do this if this CubsLive was started by me, but it wasn’t, so I don’t have access) if you really want to know, I guess.
Baker Basher
on August 28, 2004 at 9:06 pm
That was a tough loss today, but I liked the fight in us. We’ll win tomorrow’s game and get back on track.
The best news of the day was Farnsworthless being on the DL because of a new injury. What kind of dumbass is Kyle? Kicking an electric fan after a shelling. Awesome baby! Like I said, I’ve been waiting for an explosion like this for years with this bastard. Instead of us getting rid of him or not just pitching the guy, he got rid of himself. Through his own stupidity, this might actually help us with our current playoff contention. He’s supposedly out 3-4 weeks, which would be the last week of Sept. Hopefully the wild card would be locked up by then.
Kyle’s implosion of himself might actually knock him out of a roster spot for the playoffs too. Joe Bo comes back and if Wellemeyer performs well, we might have seen the last of this worthless sac of human waste. Keep your fingers crossed folks.
GO CUBS!
CPFBomb
on August 28, 2004 at 9:46 pm
Kicked fan? My ass… I heard Baker left a big mushroom-shaped bruise on the side of Farnsworth’s shaved head. Baker dick-slapped Farnsworth so hard that it strained his neck.
CP FBomb
on August 28, 2004 at 10:07 pm
10 Reasons BakerBasher won’t live past his 30th B-Day:
1. Atkins diet – bologna for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
2. He subscribes to the Harry Carray beer drinking philosophy – one beer for every run the other team scores, and two beers for every run the Cubs score. …and he drinks Old Style.
3. He’s destined for a heart attack – yep, farnsworth is gone, for now… But for every farnsworth, there is a Francis Beltran, Andy Pratt, or Ben Krapf waiting in the wings.
4. He lacks the blood supply to support an erection… According to Mike Piazza.
5. His personal relationship with Mike Piazza will lead to an undisclosed and fatal illness.
6. Trying to be more like his hero, Alou, he’ll catch a fatal illness when he forgets to wash his hands prior to eating a PBJ (piss everywhere)…
7. Fed-up Desipio readers will shove a 36 inch, 200 oz. Andre Dawson bat up his ass…
8. He’ll choke on his own vomit when Farnsworth returns and blows a lead in the NLCS.
9. He’ll kill himself after listening to an old Blue Oyster Cult record (don’t fear the reaper).
10. All the guys in the Southern IN Cubs fan club will beat him to death for bitching about Baker.
B.C.
on August 29, 2004 at 2:52 pm
Matt Clement just took himself out of today’s game.
Good grief.
B.C.
on August 29, 2004 at 4:12 pm
Houston fans, when you send that Christmas Card to Carlos you might also want to give one to Clement and the bullpen for their beautiful performances today.
The Wheels
on August 29, 2004 at 4:57 pm
Help! We’ve fallen off!
Cubs' bullpen
on August 29, 2004 at 4:58 pm
Oh, my, how do we suck…..
Greggie
on August 29, 2004 at 4:59 pm
I pitch tomorrow, and I don’t rattle easily.
Mike Remlinger
on August 29, 2004 at 5:04 pm
Hey, I may not be able to get anybody out, but at least I can yell and point fingers better than anyone on this team.
I just hope people don’t see that Paul Bako had to hold me back.
Question
on August 29, 2004 at 5:09 pm
I shut it off in the 8th. What happened when Remlinger came out?
Ryan Dempster
on August 29, 2004 at 5:12 pm
Dusty, please stop using me so much! I’m not that good.
B.C.
on August 29, 2004 at 5:13 pm
276,
Derrek Lee came up with nobody on and 2 out and got hit in the back in return for the "hit by pitch" of Berkman. Lee did nothing, but Remlinger came out, almost to the third base line, pointing and yelling. After about 5-10 seconds by himself, some of the Cubs, including Bako, came out to get Remlinger back in the dugout.
B.C.
on August 29, 2004 at 5:14 pm
Sorry, that happened in the 9th…
I thought the Giants were supposed to be the team with no pitching, no bullpen, no coaching, and little hitting. Not the Cubs.
fcabanski
on August 29, 2004 at 5:15 pm
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
CUBS LOSE!!!!!
1-5 road trip...
on August 29, 2004 at 5:22 pm
Hey, it’s time for me to make an appearance, isn’t it?
With the way this team is looking, I might bet on it.
Baker(Bullpen)Basher
on August 29, 2004 at 6:50 pm
First of all, I’ll give CP FBomb credit in his post #269. With the way these Cubs are playing, I’m not sure I’ll make it through this week.
What the hell happened today? It might actually be another blessing in disguise with Clement’s departure. We never play well when that pussy takes the mound. It’s the way Matt holds himself. This guy is the mechanical Al Gore of baseball. Matt, it’s a great day to be alive and play some baseball. This guy acts like he’s at a funeral every time he goes out there to pitch. I hope he is hurt. I’d like to see Glendon Rusch start in Clement’s place. Everybody seems to play just fine when Glendon plays.
Secondly, that bullpen is a joke. Always has and always will be. Unless we get our starters to throw 7-8 innings, we’re done. This is a sorry group of assclowns that don’t have an ounce of pride. All these dumbfucks do is come in and start throwing balls. I’ve pitched baseball and softball- guys it’s not that fucking hard to throw stikes.
I’ll reiterate it again, if the starters don’t start lowing their pitch counts and stop walking guys also, we’re done.
Lastly, I’m sick to death of guys sitting out must win games. Ramirez and Nomar, that’s pathetic. I hope to God that is Baker’s dumbass managing there. I would hope that Ramirez and Nomar have more balls then to sit on the bench and play with them.
I’ve had enough. I’m signing off.
Please beat the Expos. They’re only another last place doormat team.
Curse of the Dose
on August 29, 2004 at 7:23 pm
Since Andy displeased the baseball Gods by not writing his usual Daily Dose on Friday, the Cubs have gone 0-3. Andy, what are you doing to correct this???
Displeased Cub fan
on August 29, 2004 at 7:49 pm
Baker Basher: I agree, the bullpen sucks, Dusty sucks and Chip sucks.
T.J. Brown
on August 29, 2004 at 9:39 pm
Basher’s signing off… for good?
I hope so. Matt Clement is the Al Gore of baseball and is a pussy, why? Because he pitched like shit today? Whatever. Glendon Rusch is the answer? He’s been decent this year, but he’s not even 12 months removed from being one of the worst pitchers in baseball.
Is it unreasonable to pull a Hub Arkush and ask Basher for whom he pitched? And would he prefer that Kent Mercker come in and groove a pitch down the middle with runners on base?
Would he rather Ramirez and Garciaparra go out and hurt themselves worse now so they are useless by Sept. 15?
Stop injesting paint thinner, get a couple other hobbies, get laid, do something with yourself. You are Assclown No. 1 here.
And for one who talks so tough, you seem hesitant to leave your name. Afraid of anything blowhard?
Basher's Mama
on August 30, 2004 at 7:56 am
Leave him alone, you bully!
The Cubs
on August 30, 2004 at 10:14 am
We refuse to a win a game until we get a new Dose.
Edvard Munch
on August 30, 2004 at 11:42 am
No Dose???!? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Jesus Christ
on August 30, 2004 at 11:58 am
This place has gone nuts, Andy. The screen is all f’ed up thanks to Edvard Munch, we’ve been relegated to reading the spastic cubstalk.com message board since Desipio is all dead and shit, and today’s Tribune contains an article defending assclown Chip from that big bad bully Kent Mercker. Come on now. Oh, nevermind. You just updated.
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Hence, it will be found that the fundamental fault of the female character is that it has no sense of justice. This is mainly due to the fact, already mentioned, that women are defective in the power of reasoning and deliberation; but it is also traceable to the position which Nature has assigned to them as the weaker sex. They are dependent not upon strength, but upon craft, and hence their instinctive capacity for cunning, and their incredible tendency to say what is not true. by levitra
Just wondering, Andy, if you could do a Bears gamecast tonight. That way I can turn on the computer and turn down Hub Arkush while roaming the sidelines.
That said, I really like the PA guy who is legendary for his "There is a time out … …. on the field."
Did I miss the breaking news that the Cubs traded Prior for Jose Mesa? It seems yesterday’s pants-filling by posters watching Prior disintegrate into a 2004 version of Calvin Schiraldi would call for a deal.
Luckily, Prior was able to barely overcome a horrible start by many accounts on this board and actually get a win, even though he gave up a ton of runs (2) and baserunners (10) in six innings.
Thank goodness I can count on the segment of Desipio posters who have one hand on the chicken switch and the other waving the white flag (not the one with the ‘W’ on it).
Thank God I missed all of the Prior haters. I love him as much as Andy loves Sam-Me. Some muthafuckas would have died.
This ain’t no Daily Dose!
Just spoiled from his sterling year and half in the bigs. I miss the old Mark Prior.
DAILY DOSE!!! WE WANT OUR DAILY DOSE!!!
C’mon, one more Andy and we’ll call it a week.
I second that, Dolan get off the couch and write the dose!!
Hey, look, Dolan:
I’ll sue you for concrete falling off the Desipio Tower in Boone County Court if you don’t post a Dose byt the end of the day.
I’m already preparing my Wrigley Field posting.
Come on Dolan I dare you to write about my k-9 love
Andy, don’t you feel like making fun of me today?
Andy, can’t you say anything about my team’s coming collapse.
Hmm,
Did Dolan run the bases last half inning, rendering him too exhausted to pen a Daily Dose?
I heard he looked as bad as me in the outfield. Rumors are he made a fool of himself in the desipio company softball game.
I can’t believe Dolan’s actually taking a DAY OFF!
He probably needs the day to prepare for my award-winning play-by-play tonight.
Geez, Andy decides to take a nap and you all jump on
him to get on the stick, or else each of you would
have to actually, you know, WORK.
So, we’ll have a Daily Doze today instead, designed to
keep you all awake and away from working on the
Vandalay files that are two weeks overdue now.
Yesterday’s Cubs game was a work in progress for Mark
Prior. It’s unclear if he is 100%, getting stronger,
or getting worse, since the Cubs aren’t offering much
in the way of news or information. How we truly miss
the Tribune’s hand-wringing "Prior Watch" meter that
ran for nearly three months this spring. Luckily, we
have George Offman to rely on to tell us the Cubs are
LYING! and Prior’s liver is due to fall out any day
now.
What really alarmed me was the amount of posters
yesterday who were CONVINCED Prior was on his way to a
2.2 IP, 7 ER line. After a few strikeouts and the
masterful way he pitched himself out of the jam in the
sixth, I think we can all agree that a
still-recovering Prior is better than many 3rd, 4th,
and 5th starters on other teams.
Sammy was happy to help stake Prior to a 3-run lead
after belting (Chip’s word) an opposite field homer
that just stayed fair. While Sammy was mum on his
performance after the game, Desipio.com was able to
pick up some of Sosa’s chatter off the Cubs’ dugout
microphone:
Sammy: No problem, buddy. I keeled that ball to the
right field. Even Ned Yost had to speak it was fair,
buddy.
The 4-2 lead the Cubs enjoyed at the time would have
been enough, but they tacked on another 4 runs as they
ran away with it.
Karry Ling checks in with some Olympic news:
"Hello again everybody, Karry Ling here in Greece.
Pepe and I are looking forward to the men’s basketball
game today. We would like to have something to bolster
our spirits after the shameful controversy surrounding
the gymnastics gold medal won by Nomar Garciaparra’s
wife. The latest from Athens is that the committee
wants Hamm to give up the gold in a show of
sportsmanship. I have a show for the committee, but
I’d rather not spend another night in the Grecian
pokey.
Pepe is disappointed about the games winding down. He
has really enjoyed his time here in Athens and would
like to do the Summer Olympics with me again, but is
leery about the prospect of traveling to Beijing in
2008 since he could feed a village.
I am hoping to get an exclusive interview with Spain’s
basketball coach to discuss why he wants to pick a
fight with Larry Brown. I will have to tell him that
my good friend, Spain’s Generalisimo Francisco Franco
would disapprove. I think he’ll see things differently
when he gets back to Spain and talks with Frank.
That’s all from Athens!"
Uh, thanks, Karry.
The Cardinals got 3-hit by the Reds yesterday. The
hitters for St. Louis were upset that there was a pine
tar shortage, forcing them to lose the grip on their
bats. Security scoured the stands for Julian Tavarez’s
hat, so they could use that, but it was nowhere to be
found. They did find some Italian beef meat from the
concessions under one seat, but it was later revealed
to be Jim Edmonds’ dog food for his date later that
night. Or something.
Find your own damn links. I’m going to have a
sandwich. When Dolan wakes up, he can thank me for
forcing his audience over to Ivy Chat.
Kerry Wood vs. Roy Oswalt today. Have any warnings been issued yet? The only Asstroll who is safe is Jeff Bagwell. Fortunately, Gabor Paul Bako, the Cubs’ slugger, is not in the lineup today, otherwise there would be a bounty on his head.
Even I can put down my doughnut long enough to rehash something I did a few months ago, although I often take the opposite side. Make with the Dose, bitch!
My last post is dated Wednesday, Aug, 25th.
PENSKE File, you fool!
"The Pittsburgh Tribune Review is reporting that the team placed Mesa on waivers with the intention of working out a trade with the Cubs, however the Giants blocked the move this week by putting in a claim on him."
Then again, we probably don’t know what we’re talking about because we also said this:
"One has to assume he would be used as a closer, but LaTroy Hawkins and Dustin Hermanson are doing solid jobs."
Just checking in, and you know, your heartfelt expressions of longing for the Dose make me feel good. I am sorry that I wasn’t able to pen one today. I am not ill, (at least not physically) and I wasn’t sure I’d even get to the computer today before 2:20 so I set the Cubs Live thread up this morning.
Anyway, I see Chuck tried to fill the void (might want to work on the line spacing). I’ll be around for at least part of the CubsLive this afternoon.
See you then. Go Cubs!
Love,
andy
Starting lineups:
Astros
The Beege, LF
Carlos Beltran, CF
Jeff Bagwell, 1B
Lance Berkman, RF
Jeff Pornstache, 2B
Morgan Ensberg, 3B
Jose Vizcaino, SS
Raul Chavez, C
Roy Oswalt, P
Cubs
Corey Patterson, CF
Derrek Lee, 1B
Nomar Garciaparra, SS
Moises Alou, LF
Sammy Sosa, RF
Aramis Ramirez, 3B
Mark Grudzielanek, 2B
Michael Barrett, C
Kerry Wood, P
Question, under the current waiver wire system, can you only attempt to put a player through waivers once? For example, if the Cubs lose today, and San Francisco wins, SF would have a half game lead. This would mean that if Pittsburgh could run Mesa through waivers again, the Cubs would have the chance to claim him before the Giants. Is this allowed?
The Cubs would still be ahead by percentage points. as to the substance of your question, I have no idea.
Pretty sure you can only run him through once and still have the option of pulling him back. If you put him through a second time and someone claims him, you lose him for nothing.
Thanks TW, by the way, I see that the Astros have put Dan Miceli on the DL and called up Russ Springer(!) and his career 5.01 ERA to take his place. I didn’t think it was possible to downgrade from Dan Miceli, guess I was wrong again.
Right now, I’m Texas’ second-most famous assasin.
By the end of the day, I’ll be No. 1.
I’ve already passed up this guy:
and this guy:
(I’ve only surpassed them as far as assasins go. They’re both a little more effective than I’ve been lately.)
Anyway, I’ve got my sights set on the No. 1 assasin. If I hit Patterson, D-Lee and Nomar, I’ll be right there. If only I could pitch from a book depository…
I’m coming after you, Lee Harvey Oswald!
That wasn’t me, Andy. You can tell because I’m not that verbose. If I get more than 100 words out at a time it’s a miracle.
That and I’m Mr. Mom this week as the daycare is closed until Monday for a teacher’s summer vacation. Spent this AM at the Kohl’s Children’s museum in Wilmette with the boys. A good time was had by all and the president of the museum invited me to be on their board (e-mail me if you want to go the the Sept. 14th gold outing).
I’m just a little verclempt that people are concerned that IvyChat hasn’t been updated in a few days. You like me! You really, really like me! Perhaps if I can get both kidos to take a snooze, I can write a post.
The almost 5 year old just turned on the Chipster, so perhaps a nap for him is looming.
By the way, that would be a golf outing, not gold.
Hi, Desipio readers!
Just wanted to tell you that I’m not the assasin Roy Harvey Oswalt, the Genius, or the Genius’ evil sidekick Dave Duncan think I am. They’re all off my Christmas card list. As is Bob Watson, the jagoff who suspends me all the time for no reason.
It’s too bad, because I think my wife and I were going to make it out of this old wedding picture:
Is the "9" by your groin significant? If so, the Beege is history.
Sincerely,
Chip
Nice job Kerry. Wait to f#ck up the Gamecast before the game even starts.
Good luck today Cubs!
Now that Mark Prior has degenerated into Dick Tidrow, he dropped by South Bend today. He had a set a drums strapped to him.
USC guy on the ND bench? The Trojans will disown him!
Chip: "How would he look in a Cub uniform?"
Great in left or center.
Is the wind blowing out again?
It’s a law, I have to homer in every game I play in Chicago.
We really need to quit throwing him low pitches
Line-out, homer, 4-pitch walk, hit batsman…
…DP?
Honesty compels me to say that I have no idea why some people question my sexual preference…
If only Biggio had reached base. Then Garner would have ordered Beltran to sacrifice.
I am a top 5 pitcher in the league! How are they doing this to me!
Man, I’m pitching like shit.
Wow! My eyes hurt, chip.
Not even I’d wear that @#!$$!@#! fucking sweater
Do you know who I am?
Get me up!
Might as well start hitting guys now.
Kerry Wood IS a top 5 pitcher in the league, although it’s clear that the bastard didn’t show up today. Thanks Kerry.
Don’t worry guys. It’s only 4-0, and both the walk and the HBP scored. This had to happen sometime.
Uh, I’m good?
2/3 of the way there…
Yeah, I’m the problem.
If they win this one, maybe it really is their year. Down 4 to Oswalt before you even get to bat. Nice clutch performance, Kerry.
Don’t worry, buddy. I’m a gladiator, buddy. I hit the big home run yesterday, buddy. I made the fans happy like always, buddy. This is still my house, buddy. Mark McGwire is still the man, but he’s the man on golf course now, buddy. I’m the man on the diamond, buddy.
I have more K’s than hits.
Don’t you have to do something in order to be considered a top 5 pitcher, like, I don’t know win more than 14 games in a season or have a top 5 era? Just wondering.
That looked like me in some of my 1st inning starts
#52, uh, the walk and the HBP both scored, is that supposed to make us feel better?
I’m a huge clutch guy. Remember last October? I did great in deciding games. 50% is good, right?
"Don’t you have to do something in order to be considered a top 5 pitcher, like, I don’t know win more than 14 games in a season or have a top 5 era? Just wondering."
I dunno, I remember almost single-handedly beating a 100-win Braves team in the playoffs last year, dickless.
Hey, all you Prior-haters…
Maybe I can play for the team I pitched for in little league:
Man, Corey sucked. He only walked on 5 pitches. It would have been better if the at bat lasted at least 7 so everyone could see Oswalt’s stuff. That’s what you need from your leadoff guy.
Has someone been breaking into the starting staff’s houses while they’re pitching?
Seeing you bring that wood, honey, makes me remind you I’m ovulating next week.
Hey look at my great fundamental baseball. Instead of being backing up the play at the plate I was the cut guy for the relay throw.
I’m a big pussy.
Pat Hughes thinks some of the Wrigley applause for Nomar today is for Mia Hamm and the gold medal soccer team.
I got news for you Pat, 99.982% of the fans at Wrigley today don’t give a shit about womens’ soccer (unless Fred Huebner is in the press box).
So far, this is not a pitching clinic. Hopefully the offense can give Kerry a mulligan on his first inning.
I love calling outs as homeruns.
Wind blowing out, down two, and we’re running? Who’s the dumbass here?
I’m running there, why? Even if Sammy strikes out, Aramis Ramirez is going to bat with me on base. Good decision-making!
What happened to Garciaparra?
Did anyone just see Paul Bako in the dugout congratulating Nomar for getting thrown out at second???
What was that about?
Feel better, Sammy. I take that pitch too.
Why wasn’t Nomar on 2nd anyway. The ball went to wall, AND the relay throw went to the play, well I should say Oswalt cut it off a few feet in front of the plate. Nomar could have gone in easily to 2nd.
B.C.:
Bako is an NBA fan. You know, like high fives after missed free throws.
Bronze or bust.
Four runs won’t decide this game.
Then again, the way this one is going, fourTEEN might not either.
Confused. It says he doubled. But then says caught stealing second. What’s up?
Barrett/Oswalt: World War III!!!
BC, probably because Bako wants to take advantage of the fact that his teammates are actually speaking to him for the next couple days. After Maddux’s next start, they’ll be ignoring him again.
Singled off the wall.
Thrown out trying to steal.
I am a supreme dumbass. I want to be suspended and get ejected!!!!! Here comes Bako!!!!!!!
B.C., maybe I was giving him kudos for his RBI…?
Who says you have to throw at anyone to start a brawl?
Someone who is watching the game… what happened to Garciaparra?
I’m such a bitch.
info.
Don’t worry Yogi Barrett. I’ll take care of Roy Harvey Oswalt.
Too bad I’m dead.
Singled off the wall in CF. Then caught stealing at second on 1-1 pitch to Samuel.
I say Garciaparra doubled and then got caught stealing, catcher to shortstop?
A fight?!? What’s going on? Did Bagwell sucker punch Oswalt?
When Oswalt came up and was in the batters box Barrett got up into his face. The ump quickly separated the two, and both benches emptied. Nothing too big.
I am flaunting my masculinity, but not enough to be thrown out. I rule.
I can’t even spell my own name
Will be batting for Barrett next inning…he and Everett Sanipass give the Cubs a decided advantage…
Probert getting loose down the left-field line…
Hey, I love making Bartman jokes. I am the king of being a fag. I am so funny. I loathe myself.
Barrett’s taking names now!
The winds of God reward him with two consecutive pop-up catches.
I doubt Oswalt will throw at Barrett, but I would love to see what would happen if he does.
I talked smack to Oswalt, the benches cleared, I followed him down to first when he grounded out, getting the whole Astros bench to cuss me out, then I made two great catches on pop outs.
Twas my inning.
Not as much as we loathe you, Chippy…
#97, a hockey reference on Desipio?!? That can’t be right.
Cubs score the next 10 runs…Garner decides to get lippy later on, has one of his guys hit one of our guys, then Farnsworth serves up the equalizer right into Biggio’s hip, thus having himself kicked out for 10 games and allowing Ice Man to take over bullpen role.
Too much to ask?
Chip scores! The almost 5 year old just passed out! Where’s a beer?
Awww… Shucks… Little Chippy doesn’t want to see a fight…
You know, if Kerry Wood gets kay-oed, this could be a good time to put me in.
Need I present to you exhibit A?
No one wants a fight…we can’t afford the suspensions that would result. Unless you want Bako catching for 5 straight days.
I got my good stuff today.
I guess I’m a top 5 hom run launching pad.
I’m here. Was quite bizzy unsuccesfully trying to find clothing-optional pictures of that Greek hurdler chick.
What happened so far?
Where’s my dose?
Hey! I’m available.
Yikes. This has potential to be really ugly.
6-2 Astros.
I love Mike Barrett.
That don’t make me gay, do it?
Naah, of course not.
Sloth, Andy thinks I did the Dose in his place. So he’s taking the day off.
Put me in Dusty! I’ve been sparring with the Lawnmower! I’m ready!
C’mon I’ll decapitate Jeff Pornstache and call it a night!
Besides, I want to get suspended because I don’t want to go to Montreal./
I guess you’re a goddam moron. Every pitcher has a bad game.
Here, for you…
http://www.cubstalk.com
You can do your "the sky is falling" act and rip into Cubs icons with impunity there. Enjoy!
Ice Man warming up.
Come on Kerry, we need you to settle down.
B.C.,
This is bowling shoe ugly so far, but this will be a marathon, not a sprint. It should be a fun 13-10 game or something like that. Hopefully, the Cubs will have the 13.
Middle 3rd
Astros 6
Cubs 2
The unusual thing is that Kerry has gotten Vizcaino, who always seems to kill us, to strike out twice.
It’s just he can’t seem to get anybody else out.
If we can get even one run on the board here to answer we should be all right.
I got wheels! Take that Fat Lance!
Take that Roy Harvey!
I’ve got a noodle arm.
I injured my arm sliding into second.
Uh, oops?
Also, Oswalt stuffs his crotch. Pass it on.
Wood gets a double… Come on Corey…
How come I start flailing away like the Corey of old whenever somebody’s on base ahead of me?
Shut up, chuck
Yup, there I am. Even when I’m hot, if there’s somebody on ahead of me, I’m swinging at everything.
Man, a double for Wood, the visibility at Wrigley must be spectacular today. The Astros can’t feel safe. The Cubs hit way too many homers to not hit one today.
2-0 count, man on second….time to take a pitch right down the middle.
There, Kerry, I got the two runs back. Now stop giving them up.
Derrek Lee: "I love the shrubs."
6-4 Astros.
I’m like a vacuum. I suck.
Ensberg, the wind’s blowing out at Wrigley.
Screwing up a routine groundball is not the thing to do.
I threw out my back making that error. God, I’m retarded.
Whoo!
Whoo!
Time for Garciaparra to steal second.
Whoo!
Boy, I’m having a great day on the bases. I run when I shouldn’t, don’t run when I should.
Run when you should, but don’t when you shouldn’t, Nomar…
I guess you’re a goddam moron. Every shortstop has a bad game.
Here, for you…
http://www.cubstalk.com
You can do your "the sky is falling" act and rip into Cubs icons with impunity there. Enjoy!
I can give up 2 runs just as easily as we can get them, ya know. This is fun!
The difference is that I’m not claiming that Nomar is a bad shortstop because of a few baserunning gaffes. Even if he had a really bad two weeks of games, that wouldn’t make him a bad shortstop.
Moron.
Awesome, I’ve been a Cub for 27 days, and I’m already an Icon. I’ll be a Cubs Legend by next Tuesday.
Possible problem for Kerry: I haven’t seen the WGN gun put him above 90 MPH on any pitch since the start of the third.
If Kerry can hold the Astros here we’ll be fine.
Maybe I should light a firecracker under him?
I knew it! The Cubs are LYING about Kerry Wood!
No one’s suggesting that Wood sucks. The suggestion is that his rep as a top 5 pitcher in the league isn’t deserved.
Maybe if I give Beege and Bags a few more hummers, they’ll get in the HoF.
"No one’s suggesting that Wood sucks. The suggestion is that his rep as a top 5 pitcher in the league isn’t deserved."
The suggestion is that he’s not a top 5 pitcher in the league because of this game. That’s why I suggested that you’re a goddam moron.
That double we just let drop won’t come back to hurt us, will it?
Well, at least Beltran didn’t hit a homer that at-bat.
The suggestion is that he’s not a top 5 pitcher in the league because of his career. And today is another one of the bad games Kerry puts up too often to be talked about as a top 5 guy.
But then, you knew that.
Yea, maybe one of us should have caught that pop up.
Another chest high fastball and it’s 10-4.
Why do Chip & Steve keep talking about getting me? Where am I gonna play?
"The suggestion is that he’s not a top 5 pitcher in the league because of his career. And today is another one of the bad games Kerry puts up too often to be talked about as a top 5 guy.
But then, you knew that."
Yea, he gives up 7 runs through 3 2/3 all the time.
You’re pretty dumb.
This may be the last batter (Berkman) Kerry faces, either way.
That would have been nice…
"Why do Chip & Steve keep talking about getting me?"
Perhaps they have something against the Cubs’ current left fielder?
Could that be?
Naw….
You can play left, Carlos. I’ll be pissing on my hands somewhere else next year.
Well, we only cost us a run. Not too shabby.
Why, with the wind blowing out, would Sammy be swinging at a breaking ball six inches off the ground on the first pitch?
Hmm, can I have another 2 homer game against the Astros?
Hey Chip, anyone ever tell you what my sinker looks like when it’s NOT working?
I want to go back to Iowa…
Maybe I should have saved my testosterone for my swing.
Help Mr. Wizard!
Fine it’s one game. That doesn’t mean he’s not sucking today.
Can somebody get me a map? I don’t how to find the mound to take Kerry out.
Is Dempster pitching now? Yahoo claims it’s still Wood…
#115, Kyle Farnsworth wrote,
"Besides, I want to get suspended because I don’t want to go to Montreal."
Oh, don’t worry Kyle. I gotta feeling you’ll be knocking up French-Canadian waitresses on St. Catherine Street by Mid-April next year, jackass.
No. He’d be chasing Congressional interns in DC, or tree-huggers in Portland, if flannel boy gets his way.
Is there scheduled to be a AAA team in Montreal next year? ‘Cause the Spos are gonna be in DC in 05.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Bring in Dempster. I really don’t want to win this game.
…wh? Oh, there’s a game going on…
In fairness, I’ve only given up 1 earned run this year. Granted, I walk everything in sight, but still…
Hmm, I guess I’m left to sing the blues in the club house.
At least this doesn’t look as ridiculous as Caray (Chip) or the other Kerry (John) with a guitar.
Right?
I don’t know what Kerry’s problem is. That high fastball worked out pretty well…
Moises, I’m giving you your "Baserunning for Dummies" book back.
Nice work, Dumpster. Luckily, you’re out after this inning.
Will that gigantic assbag Sosa ever see me again this year?
Help!! I don’t know what this piece of wood is for. Am I supposed to swing it?
Time to start ragging on Korey again
The Cubs aren’t dumb enough to throw at someone down by 4 with the wind blowing out. Garner should sit down.
"The Cubs aren’t dumb enough…" – That’s only time anybody’s said that about us this year.
I’ll send everyone home here in a bit. Early dismissal today.
It’s time to go from bad to Weurtz…what do you mean he’s not here?
We wish Bucknor would have thrown Mercker out.
Well, at least that ground into a double play now.
Good news, Cubs fans!
I might go home the winner today, but I’ll have to bring the Assholes back here tomorrow, and Sunday. And I’ll be damned if we won’t leave Chicago after losing 3 of 4.
Besides you have just 9 more games against winning teams left.
Maybe next time, I’ll just let sleeping Astros lay.
Like every other Boston "fan" I am now bashing Nomar. From my latest column.
In the first 15 games after the Boston/Cubs/Twins/Expos trade, the batting average on balls put in play against the Cubs rose from .330 to .357, while the same average against the Red Sox declined from .336 to .308.
The Ice Man cometh.
Will I show up in the bottom of the 6th or 7th inning?
I leave you nitwits alone for half a day and I come back to this?
The Cubs down 9-4 (nice slide by the Pornstache there) and three pictures posted here that you could cover the Wrigley infield with?
Fine, I’ll go fix the pictures now.
And the Astros goeth.
Did I just see Chip with a pair of Mickey Mouse ears on?
From the looks of the replay, Goofy had better stuff today than Kerry did.
I think I’ll hit a solo home run now.
Uh, did I just say that?
Fine with me Sammy, the Cubs are capable of coming back and winning this one. Especially with the Astros "vaunted" bullpen.
I wonder what Sam Me’s numbers have been in each group Of 16 at-bats after he homers. Not that he’s swinging for the fences, but it seems every time he goes yard, he goes into a 2-for-16 stretch. Or something like that.
By the way, that fat phuck’s batting .255 now. He makes 17 million. Shoot me dead.
Maybe I can pitch a few innings of mop up work.
Now we can’t type phuck?
The first thing I teach all the bullpen pitchers is to walk the first batter you face. It keeps the catcher on his toes. Those never come back to haunt you anyway.
P
H
U
C
K
There. Ha, ha. Take that, Colin Powell Jr.
79 pitches through 6 innings? Screw the bullpen. I’m riding Roy through 9th. I hope he remembered his vaseline.
I can pitch a couple innings if you need me. Riggs used to go to me in the clutch situations. I’m in the ‘Stros dugout if you need me.
Hey, anybody else see me on the replay of the "Simple Life 2" last night.
You can type ass.
And it was ME who hit the home run into the basket in the one-game playoff in ’98.
That would have been one of the nicest DP’s…ever.
I like the alliterative quality of "fat p-huck" compared to fat ass, but thanks, Andy.
Why did Mickey leave Minnie?
Because she was fucking Goofy.
Oswalt ought to be doggone tired from running the 90 feet toward first base there.
Gayest…seventh inning stretch…ever.
What do you mean gayest ever?? I loved it.
"What’s not to like about The Beege other than the fact he plays for Houston."
Screw this, we’re mailing the rest of this game in. We’ll just crush these guys tomorrow.
I have now thrown the same number of pitches as Kerry did today.
Wind blowing out, guy on the mound doing poorly lately, team looking for revenge.
And Oswalt is on the verge of a complete game.
Your 2004 Cubs!
Ain’t over yet…
SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DONT WRITE A DAILY DOSE?
It’s bad luck Andy
Hey, they win on the weekends…sometimes.
Uh…no.
Hey whenever we score our pitchers give it right back. We’ll get fat Roger tomorrow though.
I absolutely suck.
I’m disappearing myself again.
I guess the hair wasn’t the problem.
Wearing #44 in blue…
CT:
Maybe he should shave his pits.
Chuck, I just assumed that he already had. The good news for Lovie Smith is, he does not have a tough act to follow tonight.
You watching, Hendry? I’m letting this bum sit three down even if he lets 6 cross.
Rumor has it that Kyle now has 24 fingers and toes.
Wheeeeeee! There will still be "Marry Me Kyle" signs in the stands, so who cares.
He won’t clear waivers.
Therefore, he won’t be traded.
Maybe Farnsworth will just do us all a favor and kill himself.
Pine tar on my pee pee
If Farns doesn’t clear, that means someone claimed him. That means he goes if the Cubs want him to.
That also means a trade is possible.
This is going pretty well, isn’t it?
Bako meter down, Farnsworthless meter up.
Farnsworth has run by me as if I was standing still.
Farnsworth has a nice butt
Hey Sammy,
I’m getting nostalgic for the early 1990’s. When will you be dropping by my neighborhood? It appears real soon.
What were the odds of me leading the team in triples this year?
Roy Oswalt did what he had to do. He silenced the hottest hitting team in the NL. Because, you know, 6 runs is silent. I’m an idiot.
Did I mention that Roy Oswalt dazzled? He did, you know. He gave up six runs and was dazzling.
First of all, this isn’t really a Dusty bash. But this is a bash that has finally caught up with Dusty. Sorry guys, I’ve said it all along this year signing in as one of many Farnsworthless. I’ve said this guy has not been good for the Cubs for the past so many years since we acquired him from the Braves. He’s finally hit the Alonseca blow up scale where there is no chance Dusty will pitch him in a critical situation.
I’m not trying to be pompous here, but I’m over joyous with Kyle’s blow up today. These guys that you talk of with potential most likely don’t turn out. Farnsworthless is a great example. It only took the Cubs organization this long to figure it out. To Dusty’s credit, it took him one year.
Folks, this is a great day for Cubs baseball. We might not have won the game today. But we’ve seen one worthless piece of relieving pitching gone by the way side. Baker will no longer use the once talked about "Potential Golden Boy."
Even Dusty has learned a lesson today. Myself, I could have taught Baker this lesson in early May.
Once again, I’ve proven my point about Dusty. This guy doesn’t have the highest IQ in the book.
As far as, TJ Brown and his Powderpuff Posse, you can just suck it once again.
GO CUBS!
Are you patting yourself on the back for observing that Farnsworth is an unfocused drooling mess? Because anyone with eyes can see that.
Hell, even Dusty the player’s best friend made him stay out there and piss himself the entire 9th.
I agree. Baker Basher is a douchebag. Go root for a team you like.
Hello, I’m Kyle Farnsworth’s August ERA.
And I’m Kyle’s close friend, his WHIP in August.
We’ll leave ".419 batting average against" at home.
BakerBasher had about 14 beers before the game started today… Don’t be too hard on him.
Besides, I think he’s still pissed-off about a run-in with Moises Alou a few weeks ago. Following a recent Cubs loss, Basher asked Alou for an autograph. Moises hit him in the eye with 2 lb. wad of Kodiak…
Hey, Basher… Rumor has it that you’re really a Roy Oswalt fan. …and you think Mike Piazza looks good in tight pants…
Barrett for MVP!
If the Cubs get rid of Farnsworth, I’ll shave my scrotum and glue the hair to my chin – – – Matt Clement style…
…here’s to hoping it will be stickin’ to my legs during the dog days…
Who do think would win in a tag-team match between Farnsworth and Cal Shiraldi vs. Mel Rojas and Antonio Alfonsuckass?
I know this won’t be much encouragement to you after Farnsworth’s 47th implosion of August (It’s not 47 actually, it just seems like it)…
But the Cardinals look like they finally have their first serious injury issue of the season.
Steve Kline slipped as he came off the mound trying to field a bunt in the bottom of the 8th in Pittsburgh. Kline could barely walk out of the locker room after the game was over, and Cardinal trainer Barry Weinberg said that he was not "encouraged".
According to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, here is what Kline said about the injury:
"Oh, yeah. I turned and I slipped and I heard something. Right now, it doesn’t feel too good."
(Insert Jim Edmonds joke here.)
It’s all that pine tar Steve puts around the mound. He’s a no good cheater!
Did I just hear WSCR report Kyle Farnsworth is going to go on the DL?
See, George was right. The Cubs are LYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The joke in the last post (#255) is making fun of Offman, not the Cubs. Just to clarify.
Bruce Levine says that I kicked a wall or a fan (not the kind that buys a ticket) and am headed to the DL.
Astro fans – you can send that Christmas card at Wrigley please
What a poor at bat by Patterson. Lidge threw all balls. Unfortunely, Corey swung at 3 of them.
Ha ha, oh, I’m "injured". Because I kicked a metal fan and hurt my knee. You’re welcome.
At least you guys won’t have me to kick around for the next 15 days!
Dumbest thing I have ever said.
"Hit on a lion, caught by a lamb."
That’s a pretty long list there, Chip. Not quite.
Who dunnit?
I reckon BC.
The statement the other day about Chip wishing Ramirez’s injury would continue to linger… Now that was pretty dumb.
#264, Andy probably pretty much told us who it was in post #22.
I can tell you, honest truth, that it was not me. Andy could check the IP addresses for you (I could do this if this CubsLive was started by me, but it wasn’t, so I don’t have access) if you really want to know, I guess.
That was a tough loss today, but I liked the fight in us. We’ll win tomorrow’s game and get back on track.
The best news of the day was Farnsworthless being on the DL because of a new injury. What kind of dumbass is Kyle? Kicking an electric fan after a shelling. Awesome baby! Like I said, I’ve been waiting for an explosion like this for years with this bastard. Instead of us getting rid of him or not just pitching the guy, he got rid of himself. Through his own stupidity, this might actually help us with our current playoff contention. He’s supposedly out 3-4 weeks, which would be the last week of Sept. Hopefully the wild card would be locked up by then.
Kyle’s implosion of himself might actually knock him out of a roster spot for the playoffs too. Joe Bo comes back and if Wellemeyer performs well, we might have seen the last of this worthless sac of human waste. Keep your fingers crossed folks.
GO CUBS!
Kicked fan? My ass… I heard Baker left a big mushroom-shaped bruise on the side of Farnsworth’s shaved head. Baker dick-slapped Farnsworth so hard that it strained his neck.
10 Reasons BakerBasher won’t live past his 30th B-Day:
1. Atkins diet – bologna for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
2. He subscribes to the Harry Carray beer drinking philosophy – one beer for every run the other team scores, and two beers for every run the Cubs score. …and he drinks Old Style.
3. He’s destined for a heart attack – yep, farnsworth is gone, for now… But for every farnsworth, there is a Francis Beltran, Andy Pratt, or Ben Krapf waiting in the wings.
4. He lacks the blood supply to support an erection… According to Mike Piazza.
5. His personal relationship with Mike Piazza will lead to an undisclosed and fatal illness.
6. Trying to be more like his hero, Alou, he’ll catch a fatal illness when he forgets to wash his hands prior to eating a PBJ (piss everywhere)…
7. Fed-up Desipio readers will shove a 36 inch, 200 oz. Andre Dawson bat up his ass…
8. He’ll choke on his own vomit when Farnsworth returns and blows a lead in the NLCS.
9. He’ll kill himself after listening to an old Blue Oyster Cult record (don’t fear the reaper).
10. All the guys in the Southern IN Cubs fan club will beat him to death for bitching about Baker.
Matt Clement just took himself out of today’s game.
Good grief.
Houston fans, when you send that Christmas Card to Carlos you might also want to give one to Clement and the bullpen for their beautiful performances today.
Help! We’ve fallen off!
Oh, my, how do we suck…..
I pitch tomorrow, and I don’t rattle easily.
Hey, I may not be able to get anybody out, but at least I can yell and point fingers better than anyone on this team.
I just hope people don’t see that Paul Bako had to hold me back.
I shut it off in the 8th. What happened when Remlinger came out?
Dusty, please stop using me so much! I’m not that good.
276,
Derrek Lee came up with nobody on and 2 out and got hit in the back in return for the "hit by pitch" of Berkman. Lee did nothing, but Remlinger came out, almost to the third base line, pointing and yelling. After about 5-10 seconds by himself, some of the Cubs, including Bako, came out to get Remlinger back in the dugout.
Sorry, that happened in the 9th…
I thought the Giants were supposed to be the team with no pitching, no bullpen, no coaching, and little hitting. Not the Cubs.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
CUBS LOSE!!!!!
Hey, it’s time for me to make an appearance, isn’t it?
With the way this team is looking, I might bet on it.
First of all, I’ll give CP FBomb credit in his post #269. With the way these Cubs are playing, I’m not sure I’ll make it through this week.
What the hell happened today? It might actually be another blessing in disguise with Clement’s departure. We never play well when that pussy takes the mound. It’s the way Matt holds himself. This guy is the mechanical Al Gore of baseball. Matt, it’s a great day to be alive and play some baseball. This guy acts like he’s at a funeral every time he goes out there to pitch. I hope he is hurt. I’d like to see Glendon Rusch start in Clement’s place. Everybody seems to play just fine when Glendon plays.
Secondly, that bullpen is a joke. Always has and always will be. Unless we get our starters to throw 7-8 innings, we’re done. This is a sorry group of assclowns that don’t have an ounce of pride. All these dumbfucks do is come in and start throwing balls. I’ve pitched baseball and softball- guys it’s not that fucking hard to throw stikes.
I’ll reiterate it again, if the starters don’t start lowing their pitch counts and stop walking guys also, we’re done.
Lastly, I’m sick to death of guys sitting out must win games. Ramirez and Nomar, that’s pathetic. I hope to God that is Baker’s dumbass managing there. I would hope that Ramirez and Nomar have more balls then to sit on the bench and play with them.
I’ve had enough. I’m signing off.
Please beat the Expos. They’re only another last place doormat team.
Since Andy displeased the baseball Gods by not writing his usual Daily Dose on Friday, the Cubs have gone 0-3. Andy, what are you doing to correct this???
Baker Basher: I agree, the bullpen sucks, Dusty sucks and Chip sucks.
Basher’s signing off… for good?
I hope so. Matt Clement is the Al Gore of baseball and is a pussy, why? Because he pitched like shit today? Whatever. Glendon Rusch is the answer? He’s been decent this year, but he’s not even 12 months removed from being one of the worst pitchers in baseball.
Is it unreasonable to pull a Hub Arkush and ask Basher for whom he pitched? And would he prefer that Kent Mercker come in and groove a pitch down the middle with runners on base?
Would he rather Ramirez and Garciaparra go out and hurt themselves worse now so they are useless by Sept. 15?
Stop injesting paint thinner, get a couple other hobbies, get laid, do something with yourself. You are Assclown No. 1 here.
And for one who talks so tough, you seem hesitant to leave your name. Afraid of anything blowhard?
Leave him alone, you bully!
We refuse to a win a game until we get a new Dose.
No Dose???!? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
This place has gone nuts, Andy. The screen is all f’ed up thanks to Edvard Munch, we’ve been relegated to reading the spastic cubstalk.com message board since Desipio is all dead and shit, and today’s Tribune contains an article defending assclown Chip from that big bad bully Kent Mercker. Come on now. Oh, nevermind. You just updated.
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