Pitching matchup:
Padres: Adam Eaton, 0-0, 5.79 ERA
Cubs: Ryan Dumpster, 0-1, 17.18 ERA (wow)
Lineups:
Padres (3-3)
Sean Burroughs, 3b
Mark Lorretta, 2b
Brian Giles, rf
Ryan Klesko, lf
Phil Nevin, 1b
Ramon Hernandez, c
Xavier Nady, cf
Khalil Greene, ss
Adam Eaton, p
Cubs (3-3)
Corey Patterson, cf
Neifi, 2b (oh God why?)
Nomar, ss
E-ramis, 3b
Jeromy Burnitz, rf
Derrek Lee, 1b
Todd Hollandsworth, lf
Michael Barrett, c
Ryan Dumpster, p
It’s official. Today is the day where Dusty has forced me to give up on him. First of all, letting Neifi play second is a damn crime. Second of all, there’s a special circle in hell for baseball managers who insist on playing with 23 outs because they insert crappy players in the number two spot. Unreal. Harriston the Lesser and Dewboys had better realize they won’t get a fair shake until they fungo Baker to death.
Neifi
3-4, with 2 RBI. Book it.
How is Neifi worth four outs?
I loved the Cubs trainer’s explanation of Walker’s sprained knee.
“It’s like a sprained ankle, except it’s his knee.”
Deep stuff there.
In the #2 spot, I see Neifi coming up 4 times, assuming Eaton isn’t throwing a no-hitter today.
I’ll be getting on base 27 percent of the time for the next 4-6 weeks, bitches!
Hi Neifi.
Brave!
In case you guys haven’t figured it out yet, I’m TRYING to get fired.
I hate this town, it’s full of racist, asshole journalists who second guess every move I make. Lee Elia had it right!
I win the “First Baserunner on Dempster” pool. Ouch.
Oh, please people. Neifi doesn’t matter. Hell, you could even put me and my bum knee out there, because freaking Ryan Dempster is pitching so the Padres are gonna be scoring 3 or more an inning regardless.
I have my good control today.
Where the hell am I?
All over the place, Dempster…like it always is.
Has anyone noticed that I’m younger than Carlos and had better numbers than him last year?
Cy Peavy, baby!
I wonder if I’d get fired sooner by pitching Zambrano until his arm fell off?
Your control is like Nuke LaLoosh’s fucking.
In way less innings. You also didn’t have the stros’ and the cards’ powerhouse offenses in your division.
You calling me out Peavy? I’ll Fucking kill you!
I’m sure I can keep this up the whole game!
Hey Cy Peavy, don’t forget about me…that is until I give up, get blisters, pull something,or require arm surgery. According to Steve Stone I am the greatest!
Cy Dempster?
Lookie here, a horseshoe!
We traded Sammy Sosa for a backup second baseman, great!
Going on what I see out there today fielding second base, I’d say we got hosed, trashed, and absolutely fucked on that trade. I thought we did the minute it was triggered, but trading 600 homers for Neifi’s fucking ass cushion, yeah I’d say it was irrefutable who got fucked.
Too bad I’m the biggest cry-baby in the world. If that trainer puts me on the DL for blisters again, I will gouge out his eyeballs and skull-%$# him!
Hollandsworth’s fanclub is not as bueno as mine.
I started Neifi “because he knows Eaton better.” God help me.
I am not doing too well.
I’m batting .345… Who knew?
Wow, I sure am patient.
Yeah, you’re a Pussy, Josh. Not like you delivered when your team needed you and choked instead.
Not me
Andy even updated me!
https://www.desipio.com/hankwhite.htm
When will Hank White pass me?
Looks like we’ll be getting another 4 inning start from The Dumpster. Rusch pitched 3 yesterday, so who’s the first one out of the pen today?
Alright I always rag on BC, but after watching Nomar swing and miss an Adam Eaton fastball and subsequentually popping out to shallow right, I have to say his bat speed doesn’t look slow. The way he swung through the fastball told me what I’ve already said earlier, he’s probably just not seeing the ball at his best rate at this moment. It happens in baseball. It requires something called ‘adjustment’, something that big leaguers will tell you is Factor Number One over a long haul.
You can take what I said, or you can grieve over Nomar’s 2-for-15 slump in a season where he’ll approach 600 at-bats.
Hey, Dumpster got thru the first with no runs scored.
Dumpster For Closer!!
Hank’s 0-3 yesterday moved his career average from .216 to…well it’s still .216. It took a lot of at bats to establish his suckitude, and it’ll take a lot more to change it either way.
Plus, he has the disadvantage of not being able to bat against Ryan Dumpster.
See BC, just like I saw that fastball from Dempster.
I cut Nomar off and he’s been masturbating enough to officially go blind. No wonder he can’t see the ball.
Yesterday, Saturday, whenever. Don’t mind me.
If I throw a CG shutout today, my ERA will be down to a respectable 4.97.
Oh, and for those of you (at least 19) who care, the Dead Pool picks are up.
Actually Mia, it’s more likely that you’re giving it up. Just like in the Natural, when Roy Hobbs started hitting the easy broad, his numbers tanked.
Not that you’re easy, Mia.
Zambrano called me out?
*testicles shrivel*
is Nomar getting a WS ring at Fenway today?
Thats two throws I’ve almost guffed.
Hey, get off my ass, bitches. I’m saving bad throws all over the place today!
AHHHHHHHH!!!! ADAM EATON!!!!
Ryan Dempster just worked his way out of a 2 runners in scoring position jam.
Dempster for closer!
But if anyone other than LaTroy was closer, we might win more games. I want to get fired, guys. I’m not kidding.
Watching a game in person or on TV sure beats the hell out of staring at a box score hitting F5 every 10 seconds.
MLB.TV is worth it, RD. Hell, even MLB Radio would be better. The only annoying thing about MLB TV is that every other game features the commentary guys from the OTHER team. Most of whom suck donkey dick.
I would like to retract my previous comment that doubted Eaton’s ability to throw a no-hitter today. I should have learned last year that anything is possible.
I’ll just keep putting the leadoff man on. It’s worked so far.
I like pitching out of the stretch. So, get a runner on…then I can pitch that way.
Dempster…um…sucks.
I second Kurt whole-fuckin-heartedededly.
I was about to post the same thing had I not seen the reply. Kurt, which program do you use for it? I prefer WMP by a far stretch in anything else, but I find I get better feeds by using RealPlayer.
But yeah, I tried MLB.TV for a month last season, and with no real TV outlets at the time (I do have WGN now, did have then but not my own television). It proved to be whatever the season asking price was — I thought it was going to be at least $150-$200+. $79.95 and Spring Training for free was a great deal, obviously the ST kicker doesn’t matter now, but I still absolutely recommend it.
I still can’t believe Hairston is on the bench. Dusty is a dick.
It’s true, what Kurt says. Hee Haw.
Do I hear the crowd chanting “Guzman, Guzman, Guzman” ?
Hey, just remember that Spring Training games don’t count.
Oh wait, this is a regular season game? Ya, okay, I don’t think this Dempster thing is gonna’ work out…
Thats 5-for-8 on the year throwing out baserunners. Arm’s on fire!
Don’t run on me
Who needs MLB.TV when you have Gamecasts?
I use WMP. I’m not even sure if our laptop has RealPlayer.
I live in Canada, and there’s no WGN here. As a consequence, MLB TV is a godsend. 50 cents a Cubs game is a hell of a deal, and I get to watch other games if I were so inclined.
If you run on me, you had better hope I throw you out. Because if you come across home plate, I’ll push you really hard.
Are they chanting for me? It makes me happy to have support while I sit on the DL –again–in Iowa!
You can call me Kerry Wood. 3 IP, 2BB, 4K, 54 pitches.
Dempster is…not bad?
Actually, Angel, I’m not even sure you’re in Iowa. Last I saw, you were unassigned due to your injury. Just hanging out in Cubs purgatory with a gimpy arm…
I work in IT here, so I pipe the satellite signal (WGN, today) through the school’s network.
I _think_ I’m the only one who knows it’s being broadcasted across the net, but … well, I’d hate to have people slowing down my beautiful connection.
There was a time when we gave score updates on these things, all the time.
However, given the fact that ESPN, Sportsline, MLB.com and a million other places do it too, it’s more fun to just be a smartass fest.
Plus, it’s easier for me.
I’d have bought MLB.tv myself, but apparently, southern WI is on the blackout list and can’t get the Cubs games. Which makes perfect sense, obviously, I mean I frequently drive to Chicago for games……and it’s not like we have a local team, too……and it’s not like the Cubs NEED a blackout to raise attendance at games.
Aw, who am I kidding? I’m pissed I can’t get MLB.tv.
We’ll take it, Ryan. Hey, if Dempster winds up sucking ass, I motion that we call him Ryan-no.
mmm nah. Never mind.
Did someone say Canada?
Hey, Steve!
Are you reproducing or retransmitting a broadcast without our written consent? Hmm? Youd’ better be the only one watching your feed, or else we’re gonna get Gestapo on your ass!
With 54 pitches through 3 innings in my 2nd regular season start since my TJ disease, I hope they replaced my ligament with fricking piano wire if I plan to make it past the 5th inning.
Doug – one point, though. And I’m not trying to sell anyone MLB TV… I’m just worshiping it as the godsend that made this season possible for me to follow. Even if you’re blacked out, once the game is over it’s put in an archive, and you can watch it later that night, or the next day, or whatever.
Although, if you’re like me, you probably wouldn’t want that. Classic games are boring.
There goes the no hitter!
How dare you break up a no hitter with a bunt. You are lucky I’m not managing.
What’d Brenley think of that?
Here in the exact middle of WI, we just miss being on the zip code list for blackout Cubs games, but I am on the Brewers list, so I missed the middle game that was on Comcast, since I don’t have the channel and it was a Brewers broadcast.
If I was on the Cubs list, I’d maybe still buy the package just to see all these other games, and it is a really great service for that, but no Cubs would hurt the flair of it all.
Dempster just pretends he’s Canadian. at the Cubs Convention, he mentioned Jean Crechen, the Canadian Prime Minister…. who had been replaced more than a year earlier. Way to follow politics, Ryan-no.
That’s odd. MLB thinks I should get local broadcasts for the Cubs, Sox, Brewers and Cardinals. I get the home feed for any of those teams unless they’re playing each other, then I get both.
But this is for the DirecTV package, not MLB-TV, so maybe that’s different. But the only games I can’t see are the CLTV ones.
We all feel lucky that you’re not managing, Bob.
So with all this blackout BS going on, I’m thinking since I live in Chicago, my chances of being blacked out are pretty damn good.
Not that anyone cares, but this is how you actually spell my name. Yep, I’m French.
So Dempster has more bunt base hits than Corey who has been working on doing this for what, three years now?
I hit a bunch of homeruns before…remember?
So with all this blackout BS going on, I’m thinking since I live in Chicago, my chances of being blacked out are pretty damn good.
Hey Phil,
We just found a couple of your checks. Can we still cash them?
Cool dead pool picks:
Bob Rohrman
Joseph Barbera
William Shatner
Kitty Carlisle
Joe Paterno
Dumb/silly picks:
Paris Hilton
Shelly Long
Ellen DeGeneres
Stupid double post.
Random Q… if you didn’t know that Len reads Desipio, how would you feel about the new broadcast team?
I like Len so far, and Bob is only ok. I think the worst criticism you could levy about them is that they’re sorta boring, but I blame Bob for that. Either way, they’re ten times better than Chip and Steve, and a million times better than Chip and Joe
So with all this double posting, I’m thinking my chances of getting a black eye are pretty good.
Chuck, is the Shelly Long/Paris Hilton thing wishful thinking?
Heheheheheheheheheheh, Andy said clit.
What about Chip and me?
I woulda entered the Dead Pool, but there’s this thing about karma, you see…
Dolan put me on his Dead list? Hey, I’m not that fat, and I have a low stress job and…yeah, I’m a goner.
Kurt:
Dunno. Not my picks.
I dunno…I do like my vicodin and booze.
Kerry Wood can lick my scrotum.
Brenly said something really dumb/obvious yesterday. I forget what it was. Len said nothing. Missed a chance to needle his counterpart and build some chemistry. Not a big deal, but a lost opportunity IMO. Biggest beef so far is that it sounds like two independent guys. Not a team.
Yeah, I know that they can be watched once they’re archived but the day I want to watch an archived sports game is the day I’m admitted to the geriatric ward in the hospital.
Things were better when my work had satellite tv and a television behind me that I could watch Cubs games on FoxSports.net. But our new office doesn’t have that luxury.
At least I’ve got Gameday audio…
Hey, we’re not boring, we’re understated!
If you want the Chip Caray Circus of Queers to return, just let me know. I’ll drive down to Atlanta and pack his imaginary family in a car and bring them back.
But yes, at times I sound as though I need to be revived.
Woah woah woah, what the fuck.
Mike D., you picked Bob Roarman!? If that guy dies, I will not be a happy camper!
Bob Roarrrrrrman — Schaumberg!
Hey Lindsey Lohan, you made the list, pal!
Next time, I’ll open my glove.
You do NOT give me a second chance and get away with it.
Fear the Neifi!
Dusty should donate $1,000 for every plate appearance Neifi! has.
Or, perhaps you do.
I’m due.
Oooh, I hammered that! Nice play, Khalil! Go listen to some profane rap music you dumbass!
We might never see Greene make another error again.
Hi BC, I’m on first base! Of course my average and OBP went down in getting here, but here I am!
I’m still due.
Didn’t Khalil completely whiff on that? Couldn’t Nomar get a cheap hit? Dusty, call the press box!
Nomar should’ve taken that kid’s legs out!
Wow, we’re getting some great swings against Adam Eaton, aren’t we?
I’m in Boston for the Sox-Yankees opener and I’ve got big news! Rick Sutcliffe is drunk again!
Dudes! I said in the pregame on TV that I’m starting Neifi today because he knows Eaton better than Jerry. Of course, all he knows is that he can’t hit him. But I’ll let Jerry start in those interleague games. Unless Todd’s back.
The umps never miss a hit by pitch.
Remember the time I broke my arm and got called for a strike? That was fun.
I’m sure Dusty didn’t realize this, btw, but Neifi’s career numbers v. Eaton are 6 for 21 (.286 avg) with a homer, 2 RBIs, and a .348 OBP. Like I said, I would be shocked – SHOCKED, I say – if Dusty actually knew this.
Against Peavy, Neifi is a whopping 0 for 10 in his career. Maybe Dusty’s excuse will be “he’s due.”
Dusty, you start Hairston over me in the interleague games, and you can bet I’ll be bitching about it to the press 10 minutes later.
Don’t worry, dude. You’re a vet. Hairston’s a rookie. I got your back.
I said “I won’t make it past 40.”
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2034667
Dude.
No matter who plays, you’ll hear public bitching coming from this position for the entire year.
Watch — he’ll start NEIFI and we’ll BOTH be on the damn party line bitching about him to the Score.
Sammy, I’d say it’s a fair bet that you won’t make it past 34.
Don’t talk to me, I’m busy pouting.
But Sammy, you are already 42.
If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
*walks the leadoff man*
Hell, I’ve spent more time at second this year than Jerry has.
Speaking of which — I demand to start tomorrow too!
Sammy, control your moms, bro.
That Neifi is an offensive juggernaut today. I’m the smarmest man alife.
Six for nine, baby! Why do you run on me? Do you have a death wish?
Huh?
Duff Man says “Ooooh yeah!”
I can’t have a veteran like Neifi mad at me, he might ruin my reputation and I might not be able to get the finest washed-up vets in the league to come play for me anymore.
Dempster and Eaton locked in duel, huh didn’t see that coming.
Dempster and Eaton locked in a duel, huh didn’t see that coming.
Woops.
Am I batting .000? No? Then talk to the hand, li’l Jer!
Oh, shit. Wait. I am.
Pat & Ron just said I was pitching a great game today………
No. I’m pitching a “Wildly Effective” pitch and getting help from crappy baserunning by the Pads….
On the days when the Cubs pitching staff are effective, I think you’ll find that they’re almost ALWAYS locked in a duel with the other guy… regardless of it it’s Shawn Estes or Pedro Martinez.
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOW!!!!
Screw you, Kurt.
To Dave Otto:
Don’t worry, big boy. You’re being groomed to replace me when I’m done.
Hey, if the Yankees trade away Jose Contrearas and then regret it because they have to keep pitching you, then you know you suck.
Ron, you’ve been done since you started.
Brian Giles shaves his ENTIRE body!
Okay…the Cubs announcers need to stop talking about Brian Giles NOW.
Don’t worry. Sooner or later, Ron will realize that he’s just an animated corpse. I gaurantee you the man drops dead three days after the Cubs win the World Series, whether it happens in 2005 or 2025.
What, you don’t want to hear more grooming tips from me?
Hey Len, did I ever tell you about the time I was in a shower stall with Brian Giles, I bent over, and he f’d me in the a?
Khalil is my favorite Hanson brother.
In Two Thousand And …..
Five!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, that Brian Giles is such a cocktease!
What about that time he made me go down on him at gunpoint? Let me tell ya, he’s a finely groomed man!
I’ll be signing autographs after the game at MysticTan.
I could’ve made that catch!
Aw, who the hell am I kidding?
We’re singing the 7th inning stretch! Don’t let Sloth watch us…
Len, do you like Gladiator movies?
Quick, someone queue me up!
Andy, when does the game start?
Sorry, Ryan, but I didn’t want to break your cycle of putting the lead off man on base every inning.
Hey girls, are ya wearing yer clingy little shorts ya play in?
Nothin’s hotter in sports. Not even skater butt, which is awfully damn glorious
Thanks Jeromy. I didn’t want you to mess with my style.
Prick.
That’s why I’m in! Jerry could never catch a pop-up.
You’re welcome.
Remember when the Cubs used to get, you know, genuine celebrities to sing the 7th inning stretch? Who’s tomorrow’s guest, The Guy Who Sold You Beer?
Are we talkin’ Wheaton St. Francis or Mother McAuley?
Cause, after all, Catholic schools got NO advantages in the IHSA
Look at all those guys clogging the bases! Dude, the Padres have no idea of what it takes for a winning strategy!
Let’s see if we can see a baseball team score a runner from third and nobody out.
1-0. This feels like the 1974 bears trailing by a FG: An insurmountable lead.
Hey, how did they manage to score without hitting a homerun? That’s… that’s CHEATING! Dude.
We’ve actually done that several times ourselves this year, BC.
I’m pitching for the Angels. I’m giving Spooneybarger a run for his money in the most ridiculous name contest.
They created a run, Dusty. Like McGuyver.
It was only a matter of time until Dempster finally gave up a run. At least he didn’t do it until the 6th.
My god, they still put me on TV?
“1-0. This feels like the 1974 bears trailing by a FG: An insurmountable lead. ”
Hey, what about us?
Oh, my fave guy….
Ok guys. Go out there and swing for the fences.
Is it me, or is my bat bigger than I am?
Ok, our strategy is like this: get two strikes on the guy. Set up on the outside. Throw a breaking ball. Watch him walk back to the bench.
Works like a charm, every single time.
Dear 2004 Bears.
I have no idea. You weren’t worth the attention. The 1974 team merrited attention because I was 7, couldn’t leave the house, there was no cable, no internet.
Hell. There was no Atari 2600 yet.
P.S. Korey sucks
Suck it, Jerry!
I’m better than Korey!
I just checked out the websites of both schools. I’m putting the vaseline down for now. Woof…
Jerry, dude, I wouldn’t wanna sit a guy who’s on a hot streak.
If not for the 1974 Bears, I’d be playing for the Browns or someone like that.
Hey, it’s nice to see Nomar get a hit!
I got a hit!
My strategy has paid off! I’m a genius!
Get the images fixed! Too many jokes!
Hey, how about that Craig Biggio, huh? He’s a heckuvaplayer!
Walter:
If not for the 1974 Bears, you’d still be dead.
I would’ve struck out by now.
Not cool, man. Not cool at all.
Whores and booze, whores and booze! I’m da Babe!
If we go to the Hall of Fame, all faith in baseball should be lost.
To the shock of us all, the Cubs need to get their offense going. Who would’ve thought that they’d be this erratic and inconsistant?
Shit, I would’ve swung at that one.
My teams always start slow, bro. Games in April don’t matter no how, dude. It’s time to photosynthesize, like Miles Davis man. Get me an Australiasian chewing stick, dude.
My one chance for a win…shit.
Jesus, my ears.
Why is it that every seventh inning stretch, and almost every crowd shot for that matter, I feel a sense of embarrassment?
I could get used to this pitching against the White Trash thing. If only I didn’t have to rely on Big Fat Buffet Bob Wickman.
I see crowd shots and I feel a sense of tushies.
9 pitches? Wuertz, you’ve got a lot to learn about pitching in the big leagues.
Here I come!
I just drilled Aaron Rowand.
Shhhh…[the Cubs are taking a nap]
And there I go.
Go Away Jose!
Maybe we could have left Macias in there as a defensive replacement for Derek Lee. He’s had all the hits he’s gonna have today, right?
What the FARK did I do to piss Dusty off? Jesus, will I EVER pinch hit ahead of MACIAS? Will I EVER start ahead of Perez? I was pretty stoked to come here back in March… now I just want to get out. Dusty is a psycho.
I used to just be okay, now I’m the cat’s pajamas. I graduated from Northwestern, so naturally, I have an acerbic wit and an exstensive vocabulary.
No, 1 run is too much to ask.
Even spelled Cat right!
Jerry-you went bitching to the reporters today when you found out you weren’t starting.
I just don’t know him well, dude.
No shit I was bitching. I SHOULD be bitching. YOU’D be bitching if your moron of a manager benched YOU over Macias and Perez!
Okay, but seriously? If Neifi Perez was getting starts over you, wouldn’t you bitch, too?
I demand that you play my son, or we will ask for a trade to the world series bound white sox.
5 outs to go.
Here I come!
In my day, we didn’t call out the manager. Not cool bro.
Whatever, dude. .000 ain’t gonna cut it.
Bring it on….
I just pretend it’s Chuck’s head.
I’ll be damned
Join the chorus…shut up Chuck
Fuck you, Dusty. You have about as much clue as a Hilton sister at a job placement center.
We are down by 1 run. To tie the game, we must hit a solo homer. It worked well last year, didn’t it?
Time to establish myself as the starter for the next month and a half!
I’m a world class bunter! Jerry doesn’t even KNOW how to bunt.
Or, maybe we’ll try some Ozzieball.
Dusty is to a lineup card as an Olsen sister is to a restaurant menu
C’mon Everybody! Let’s STAND UP.
Because the game’s ALL ABOUT US and our little yuppie world.
Good idea to sac Corey over…he’s only the fastest guy on the team…
If only my bat wasn’t so slow, right BC?
That’s how you win ballgames.
Jerry-I’m not saying you’re wrong, but knowing what you know about Dusty and this team coming in you should have realized that 1. Dusty’s going to get playing time for his boys. 2. After last year, he’s not going to put up with guys who air their problems in the papers 3. it’s six games into the season. Even if you’re traded, it won’t be for a couple of months. Maybe now was not the best time to start railing against the injustices perpetrated against you.
I don’t like that you’re not playing Jerry, but you’ve pretty much buried yourself now, so you don’t be surprised if you don’t get up off the bench in the next 3 weeks.
Um, Sloth, you’ve got to check out The Simple Life: Interns!
It’s fung!
Dusty is to a 25 man roster as I am to a stalk of celery. Neither one of us knows WTF to do with it.
Seven game hitting streak.
I’m rich, beeahhch!
Lincoln Park Chad may have some anger issues…aren’t fans supposed to stand up?
1 4-pitch walk to Nomar–friggin’ NOMAR– and Aramis swings at the first pitch.
A walk’s not going to cut it on THIS team. See me in the clubhouse after the game, dude.
Paris, the only jobs you know how to do start with ‘blow’ and ‘rim’.
Same as Dusty
Dear Aramis,
I’m glad you’ve listened to my hitting tips, buddy. Good luck in the future!
Not so excellent there.
Has A-Ram driven in a run since Opening Day?
I’m carying the Cubs offense.
God help us all.
Maybe Jim should sign Aramis to multi-year deals EVERY day.
Yes, he has. Yesterday in the first inning.
I couldn’t have gotten a hit! The bases weren’t clear! Dusty says not to clog the bases
Way to carry the team Burnitz…
Clearly, I am what is wrong with this team. My three doubles yesterday were insufficient as I did not wait for someone to get on base before hand
Well, that was a fun game. Hey, if the Cubs can’t score against Eaton, then Jake Peavy is going to throw a no-hitter.
If Neifi starts again tomorrow, I’m going to start producing “fire Dusty” t-shirts.
Jeromy said on Friday when he homers and the Cubs win, it’s all good with the fans.
So what is it when you drop a flyball that leads to the only run and then whiff three times, twice with the tying run on third? Hmm?
The start at 2b tomorrow was already promised to me.
Andy, it’s what Sammy Sosa would’ve done, that’s all. As long as he only has a FEW days like that, I think most of us will accept it.
ICE…
Well, I didn’t leave early.
Where was that 7 pitch inning Friday?
We need some IceMan t-shirts…
Well, then they probably boo you.
Unless they remember my triple from yesterday.
Maybe I can cough up 2 quick runs.
Now that our heroes are off the juice, they can’t score any runs this year.
Vasquez must’ve really been throwing some meatballs on opening day.
three more chances…Any way to get Lenny Harris some at bats today?
Well, Jose Macias has had good luck against Peavy, bro. He’s already got a homer and three RBIs, so that’s all I need to know, dude. Hairston hasn’t seen Peavy, so obviously Macias should get the nod. Yes, I know I’m an idiot, dude-bro.
The Todd Hollandsworth Fan Club proved to be inadequate already. Pathetic.
Hey Cubs, where are your hitting shoes?
The nice thing about our road pants is that I can piss in them in the outfield and nobody notices.
whoosh
We’re lodged up your ass like usual, Chip. Along with three golf balls, a hamster, and Jim Edmonds’ herpes-infested dick.
I’ll save the day!
What a fucking pathetic showing.
Go fuck yourself Dusty.
You too, Lassie?
Ahem…I notice.
Games in April don’t matter, bro.
Did the Cubs hit the ball hard even once today?
Yikes.
Sit down, morans. Let’s cheer when they do something good…like SCORE A RUN. Stand up all you want then. You’re NOT going to will a run, no matter how self-important you think you are.
No
Did we win it?
Heh heh, too bad I took out your hottest hitter.
Oh, well!
Wake me up when it’s over…
Yeah, wake us when it’s over
You can’t blame Neifi, dude. He didn’t do nothing wrong. Jerry Hairston is a rookie, bro. I don’t know him, yet. Jose Macias is going to lead the league in pinch hit at bats, because he’s so good, dude. I like keeping Jason Dubois on the bench. Whenever I stand on the stoop leading to the field, he sits in my spot to keep my ass-groove warm, dude. I don’t want to lose that by making him play the field. And I really want to get fired from this racist town. I hate it here. Fire me, already.
Guess I better cancel my large order of believe bracelets. Unfuckingbelievable. I feel sick. Seriously, that was pathetic.
Dude, we got more hits than the Padres. But none of them were homeruns is the problem, you see.
We wouldn’t have won that game had it been me and not Neifi playing. Blame the big whiffers.
Yeah Dusty, get the fuck out. Inmates usually don’t succeed when running the assylum. Besides Cito Gaston, none of you Miles Davis types have ever won a damned thing.
Is there any move worse than a sac bunt? Yeah, it was Neifi, and you have Nomar and Aramis coming up, but God do I hate bunts. It’s just a free out.
Ha, we’re back.
Brian, that’s because you’re no fung.
Well after my routine chair-throwing and wall-bashing (I threw an extension duster too), lets look at this rationally. We can take at least one positive from today.
The Cubs didn’t show up to play, so you can’t really say they got beat, eh? (…fuck!)
I could have gone to the game today, since it was overcast. But Dusty insisted on playing Macias, so I had to stay home.
Hey, don’t worry guys, we’re just as bad as you.
We learned Dumpster can pitch when he’s medicated.
Neifi is Dusty’s new bubble-assed henchman now that Goodwin is gone.
Dusty still doesn’t know what to do with Hairston.
Hairston is grounded for whatever he said on The Score.
The pitching staff is going to have to hold the opposing team to -1 runs some days if they want to get a win.
Anyone take Tiger’s dad in the Pool?
I did!
I ain’t dead yet, bitches!
The one run losses start this year already. Dempster actually pitched a pretty good game too. We should have know the bats would disappear after the opener where we scored 16 runs. This thing with Neifi, Macias, and Hairston is a clusterfuck. These guys are Baker’s 3 Stoogies with Neifi being Moe, Macias being Curly, and Hairston being Larry instead Jerry. But really, all three pretty well suck so it doesn’t matter who is blowing Dusty’s dick at the time. All I have to say is two words: Rey Ordonez. Just thank God that Little Play Rey’s location is parts unknown at this time or else Dumby Dusty would be seeking him out to play second.
Let’s just hope Todd heals up in a couple weeks(which we all truly know won’t happen and we’ll be stuck with Dusty’s 3 Stoogies) and his bat will be hotter then ever. Somebody has to start hitting.
Props lately to the bullpen though. As long as you keep Latroy off the field, I think we’ll be fine. I hope I’m not jinxing the guy, but Dusty should seriously look at Wuertz at the closer spot. I know it’s early, but he keeps the ball down and has some movement to strike guys out. Strikeouts are far and few between when you’re talking about Hawkins. I’m not sure if Dusty knows this, but a closer needs to strikeout people. But I do hope Wellemeyer had a fun brief stay up in the show, because he’s heading back to Iowa after today. Thanks for the memories Todd and we’ll see you again when the roster expands at the end of the year. By the way, Mike Fontenot, is he any relation to Ray Fontenot. Maybe that’s Ray’s son, which doesn’t mean a damn thing. I just thought I’d bring that up.
Well hope tomorrow Prior can get back the tag of The Franchise. I have to admit, I’m not too opimistic. But who knows, maybe he’ll come out and think he’s the Lawnmower Man.
GO CUBS!
Baker Basher
If Dusty keeps me off the field in the 9th we’ll be fine, you mean. I sure as hell ought to be pitching in the 7th and/or 8th.
Too bad images can’t be posted anymore, cuz there’s a great photo of me with a batting glove growing out of my ass floating around the internet.
L’il Jerry making some noise.
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