It’s been a while, and I’m all backed up with pithy observations. Wait, backed up? Yeah, that just sounds wrong.
On Saturday, I was standing in my bathroom, shaving and out of habit I reached over and turned on the radio. Much to your chagrin I didn’t take the radio and jump into the bathtub with it. But it was then, that I realized I still had the radio tuned to the Score. Apparently, it’s not much of a habit, because I can’t remember the last time I turned that radio on.
Much to my audible dismay the Score was broadcasting live from Sox Fest. I’m not sure if you’ve heard but Sox fest sold out in record time this year. All 14 tickets were gone within six weeks. Tremendous.
Bottom of the depth chart Chris Rongee, (maybe it’s Ron-ji, or Ronji, I’d look it up, but I just really don’t care) is apparently going to be the host of all things White Sock on the Score this year and he was interviewing the ambigously gay Sox radio duo of Ed Farmer and Chris Singleton (in Farmer’s case, it might not be all that ambiguous).
To be honest, the few times I listened (normally when I was in a holding cell) to Farmer the rotund John Rooney over the years, they’ve been pretty good. They’re solid. Farmer has an odd, halting style, and he’s…what’s the word? Boring, but I’ve heard worse. Like Hawk and anybody.
So anyway, I’m listening to these three talk about the Indians-Red Sox trade which was finally completed the night before. Farmer says he doesn’t see how the trade helps the Indians, at all. Singleton says nobody in the Central Division has tried to get better, and he’s pretty sure it’s because the Sox are such a juggernaut they’ve all packed it in for the next decade or so.
I stop shaving at this point because I’m pretty sure I’m going to slit my jugular.
There are two tremendous moments of radio in the next few moments. First, Rongee asks Singleton to break down how the Sox stack up against the Indians. Singleton says he can’t. He needs to do some research.
I picture him in the library with the American League red book turned to the Indians’ page writing down notes like “This Pat Tabler guy could be really good. Look out for Cory Snyder and Ron Hassey!”
Nice start for your new “analyst.” He comes to Sox Fest and says he can’t analyze. So what did they ask him in the interview?
Brooks Boyer: “What do you think of Scotty Fabulous? Isn’t he hunky? Don’t you just hate the Cubs and their fans? What is with that? How can anybody like them? All that blue. It’s awful.”
Then comes a moment I found humorous. It was ridiculous, and pathetic, but downright funny.
Farmer wants to help out his new man-friend, radio buddy. So he says, “Let’s break down the starting lineup for the Sox and Indians and see who you’d take if you had the choice!”
Any notion of how objective this is going to be flies out of the window when Farmer says, “OK, catcher. Victor Martinez or AJ Pierzynski?”
All three jump on the AJ Pierzynski bandwagon so hard it needs new shocks. They dismiss Martinez like he’s Tim Blackwell. Come on. Martinez is 27, a switch hitter with power. His career batting average is 15 points higher than AJ’s, his career on base average is almost 40 points higher than AJ’s and his career slugging percentage is nearly 60 points higher. He’s also better defensively. I know, I know, he never ran to first on a non-dropped third strike. That must be it.
They go through the infield. They all agree that Paul Konerko is better than Ben Broussard (no argument here.) They all go nutty over Todd Iguchi over Ron Belliard. Belliard’s better, but he’s Ron Belliard, so I have no problem with them picking Todd, even if he did hit .248 in road games last year.
At short they went with Juan Uribe over Jhonny Peralta. The only defensible reason is that Jhonny can’t spell his own first name. At third they went with Joe Crede over Aaron Boone. That’s fine, because Aaron Boone sucks.
In right it was Jermaine Dye over perenially miscast outfielder Casey Blake. But it was center field that just took all of their analysis and threw it out the window. In the Grady Sizemore-Brian Anderson debate, all three took Anderson hands down. Farmer says that Sizemore proved he’s not that great when he lost a flyball in the sun in Kansas City the second to last Sunday of the season and laughed about it. Well, you can’t argue with analysis like that.
They all were giddy over Scotty Fabulous and then decided to compare the aces of the staffs, Mark Buehrle and Jake Westbrook.
Uh…don’t the Indians still have CC Sabathia? Look, Buehrle’s going to be the choice over just about anybody else right now, why not at least try to remember who the Indians’ best pitcher is to prove your point?
What was apparent from the three minutes of Sox radio I listened to was that the same old insecurity still exists. They should be as happy right now as they’ll ever be. Maybe for them this is as good as it gets? It’s a little…weak, really.
Bears’ defensive backs coach Perry Fewell was named the defensive coordinator for Dick Jauron’s Buffalo Bills. I know nothing about Fewell. I didn’t even know who the Bears’ defensive backs coach was. But I wonder if Dick or Marv Levy watched the playoffs? If you had to pick one Bears’ position coach to hire after the loss to Carolina, I’m pretty sure I know the one I wouldn’t have picked.
Yesterday at this time, Mike Martz was all set to become the offensive coordinator of the Detroit Lions. Bears fans were concerned. What happens if the Lions get a real offense? Those fears seemed unfounded for two reasons.
1) Martz is now completely insane. He lost his mind sometime during the week before their Super Bowl loss to New England and it’s never come back.
2) Even if not completely loony, Matt Millen is.
Last night, Martz announced he was cutting off talks with the Lions over a major dispute in how much he’d be paid and that he wouldn’t be taking a job in Detroit.
Sure, it’s not quite like having a press conference announced for a new head coach before he’s signed a contract with you (cough, cough MikeMcCaskey cough, cough), but it’s up there.
The Cubs nearly went to arbitration with Will Ohman because the crafty lefty asked for a raise from his 2005 salary of $320,000 to $775,000. Huh? Will Ohman? The guy whose elbow has more scar tissue than Joan Rivers’ hairline?
Over at a Cubs’ blog that I only read when Chuck goes off on it from his, Pollyellon was hoping that the Cubs wouldn’t go to arbitration with Will because it might hurt his feelings.
You know what? If I was Jim Hendry or Andy MacFail, I would have absolutely taken Ohman to arbitration and I’ve have skewered him like a pig on a spit. I’d just point out that Friday night in the Bronx when Will took a steaming dump on the mound and gave up a walk, a 900 foot homer to Hideki Matt Suhey and the lead, in what turned out to be the most pathetic weekend of baseball in a truly pathetic season.
How hard would that case have been to win?
“Mr. Abritator sir. We’ve offered Mr. Ohman a $180,000 raise which we think is more than fair, considering that in the last four seasons he has pitched in 69 games. All of them last year. He’s had three arm surgeries. He has 86 career appearances and he’s 28 years old and last year Scott Eyre pitched in as many games as Will has ever pitched in.”
Would Will’s feelings have been hurt?
I certainly hope so.
On the other hand, how’d you like to sit in a conference room with the arbitrator and Carlos Zambrano and try to make a case about why Carlos doesn’t deserve the raise he’s asked for? Why do I picture the Cubs’ lawyer being dismembered and three of his four limbs flying through the conference room door and bouncing down the hall?
I enjoy riping on employees of the four letter network, but on Tuesday night I felt compelled to give ESPN.com Bracketologist Joe Lunardi some credit. I’m not sure what a Bracketologist is, exactly, though it sounds like somebody who would analyze pap smear results, but Joe claims to be one. Tuesday afternoon he wrote a piece for the Website that proclaimed Illinois deserved the fourth number one seed (behind Duke, UConn and Memphis). Then they had him on via the phone (those phone interviews during live game action never work) during the Illinois-Wisconsin telecast. Illinois was at that point getting smoked. While he was touting them they were falling behind by 11 points in the first half.
Here’s where Joe gets the credit. He didn’t back off them. He made a reference to, “I’d like to see them play better here tonight than they are” but he didn’t start backpedaling away from them.
A 19-0 run later and Joe was looking like a genius. Imagine that? Sticking to your guns pays off from time to time. Well what do you know?
Am I the only one who finds the Super Bowl coverage completely unwatchable? I’m not completely disinterested in the game. I think Pissburgh’s run has been impressive and while I think they’ll win, I think Seattle has a legit shot to knock them off. So it’s not that I don’t care about the Super Bowl. I just don’t care what anybody working for any of ESPN’s countless outlets has to say about any of it.
Here’s the worst possible thing about this particular Super Bowl Sunday. ESPN’s six-hour coverage is going to be hosted by Stu Scott. ABC’s four hour pregame, by Chris Berman.
I’m pretty sure that up there on the horizon, riding towards us are war famine, pestilence and death. Or it might just be war, famine, Stu and Boomer. Like there’s a friggin’ difference.
I was also stuck listening to the Suck Fest coverage by the Score this past weekend. I’m sure all of the hosts had thier 670 kneepads on as they spent the whole weekend fellating the Pale Hose. Laurence Holmes had a topic about how Kenny Williams embodied the persona of all Sox fans. He went on and on about what a genius he was. He failed mention that a year earlier, Sox fans nearly booed his ass out of the Howard Johnson’s where they were having their convention. He also left out the part about what a great father KW is and how Sox fans should really admire his parenting skills, too. Holmes also rambled on about how honorable it was that Paul Konerko didn’t want to wear the capatain’s “C” this year. I nearly drove off the road at all of this Sox-fellating, but my other choice was Koz and Memalo (aka Dumb and Dumber”).
You know who Perry Fewell is, the guy started Lollapalooza for godssake.
Sox fans will never be happy. Southsiders and Sox fans in general have an inferiority complex that can’t be wiped away by ten World Series championships in a row. Same feeling we used to have with the Mets before the divisions changed. It’s just a feeling that New York doesn’t quite take Chicago seriously. it’s also why I feel way more hate from Cardinal nation than I can muster for them. St. Louis is a hick town compared to Chicago. And the Southside is the poor stepsister of the Northside. All the theatres, restaurants etc. are up here. When people from the hinterlands want to come to Chicago, they don’t drive to Beverly or South Shore or Canaryville. They come to the Northside.
I went to game two of the WS (got a free ticket) and I knew more about White Sox history than all the Sox fans around me. In fact, they thought I was the biggest Sox fan of all because I actually knew Sox players pre-Frank Thomas. These clowns couldn’t tell you who Luis Aparicio or Luke Appling were if you printed the info on the inside of their eyeballs. One guy actually said to me, “Man, I’m a huge fan, but you are like a super fan.”
When I told him I was actually a Cub fan it almost short-circuited his walnut sized brain. He said, “You seem cool but most Cub fans don’t know anything about baseball.” I disagreed and when I later explained to him why the Sox offense in 2004 was vastly superior to the 2005 version he turned on me and said it was all bullshit. When I pointed out that the ’04 team scored 120 more runs than the ’05 team he said that was also bullshit. I said, opinions can be bullshit but this is a fact. At that point he sort of waved me off and gave up. I was beyond hope. I was no longer the super Sox fan but a Cub fan who just didn’t “get it”.
I’ve actually had a Sox fan tell me he’s fine with the Cubs winning. He said his dad and brothers felt the same way, like something lifted, they don’t care anymore, and what have you. In fact, he actually told me he’d wish we would win now. Because the feeling was so great. And this is a guy who laughed his ass off in ’03 and delighted in tormenting me.
I think we’re close to being considered irrelevant, more than anything.
Good work, Mr. MacPhail!
Wow. Actually listening to WSCR for more than 5 minutes WHILE THEY WERE TALKING SOX stuff.
And watch that pollyellon stuff. You could get banned for posting inappropriate comments.
“pollyellon” Classic!
Wait, did they take me over Thome?? Please say they did
That’s going to put the hen party over there on its ear.
Nothing beats my bleats about The Score. I seem incapable of turning the station, or putting an FM station on. I guess when you live in Bumfuck, Iowa, FM stations are far and few between with all the crop reports taking up the airwaves. Instead of listening to a CD, or the lovely Iowa wind, I speed along in my car and get worked up over a bunch of Sox jamoches, never bothering to consider the irony that despite HATING the White Sox (and Cardinals, don’t forget) I still sit through it all so I can come here and whine.
Next time the urge strikes, just shut off the radio and then follow through. Loved this bit:
[i]”Here’s where Joe gets the credit. He didn’t back off them. He made a reference to, “I’d like to see them play better here tonight than they are†but he didn’t start backpedaling away from them.
“A 19-0 run later and Joe was looking like a genius. [b]Imagine that? Sticking to your guns pays off from time to time[/b]. Well what do you know?”[/i]
Oh, gawd. I’d pull up the entirety of Desipio’s Kyle Orton canon in all its fullness and present it for the merriment of all, but I’ve reason to believe it’d kill the hamster who powers the Desipio server. Lacking the dough for a trip to the pet shop as they are, let us content ourselves with a comparison of these two gems, based on a search of the Desipio archives for the phrase “in stride”:
From Tuesday, November 8th, 2005 (and you really have to see the whole steaming pile to appreciate it fully; garbled syntax as it appears in the original [and there’s that NIU education shining through]):
[i]”That’s another impressive facet of Orton’s game, one we see in Rex Grossman, too, is his ability to hit receivers on the move, in stride.”[/i]
From Tuesday, January 3rd, 2006:
[i]”By far, the most impressive thing about the Bears opening drive for a touchdown against the Packers on Christmas was Rex Grossman’s ability to throw the football on time to his receivers and in stride. On three separate occasions the pass was only complete because it was thrown away from the defender in a perfect spot. After watching the parade of clowns who started at quarterback between Rex’s Christmas start in Green Bay and the one almost two full seasons earlier in Minnesota, it was educational to us dopey Bears fans to see how the other half lived.”[/i]
I couldn’t make this up. Do the search for yourself, and don’t break any blood vessels slapping your thighs…
Andy, some guy puts a lot of time and effort into hating you. I don’t know if you should be flattered, or applying for concealed carry. Annonymous stalkers are always worse.
Who’s the crazy bitch in #10?
Kaseberg 2-1
Chip Caray’s College Roommate: 4-1
Jim Tocco 5-1
Will Carroll 10-1
Tom Shaer 10-1
Rob Neyer’s Flannel Shirt 20-1
Dusty 50-1
I resent the inference that there’s no difference between me and famine.
I think it would have a been a cooler than the other side of the pillow if you had named the final two horsemen ‘Token’ and ‘Self-Parody’.
We are clearly the best team in the Big 10, bitches.
I’m pretty sure it’s this guy:
http://www.youtube.com/w/Piss-diver-at-Wrigley-Field?v=FP7yYW55NDs&search=Wrigley%20field
Watching this Iowa team is like watching the 1994 Bears. Each win takes that asswipe of a coach farther and farther from getting his ass deservedly fired.
This is one of the most pathetic posts yet. You are complaining that the Sox fans and announcers are exuberant….
I really like this line:
“Maybe for them this is as good as it gets?”
Really? they WON the world series, moron. THAT is as good as it gets for anyone. I used to think Sox fans were annoying, now I’m seeing that Cub fans are just jealous little babies, too drunk on Cubbie Kool-Aid to acknowledge the team on the South plays real baseball and too ignorant to realize the team on the North has very little interest in making a true commitment to winning when cash keeps falling out of their pockets with every step.
Well, um, uggh, Tim, I, uh, that what, um Andy is saying, is uhmmm, that exuberance is OK, but, um, a little research would be nice too. Uh, I, umm am woefully unprepared myself, but ummm, I can name a dozen Cardinals, a dozen Astros and a dozen Atlanta Braves. I also can name a dozen doughnuts Jim Hendry has consumed since 8 this morning.