There, somebody had to say it. College basketball sucks. It blows. It stinks and it sucks and it sucks and it stinks.
That’s why I watched about sixteen hours of it. I had to make sure it kept sucking. You know, you turn your head, shift your eyes, anything, and suddenly it might not be sucking.
OK, fine, it doesn’t suck. The NBA does, but that’s for another time.
It’s just that it’s March 29 and nobody I give a whit about is still playing. I suppose that’s what sucks.
On Friday night the Illini roared into Atlanta and couldn’t have started the game against Duke any better. They had great energy, they weren’t intimidated in the least. And then a couple of touch fouls and Deron Williams and James Augustine are on the bench and things started to look glum.
Duke played poorly for a half, and Illinois didn’t take advantage of it. At halftime, it was over. For all intents and purposes.
My dad has, for years, been of the opinion that Duke gets every call, and I won’t go that far, but they get a lot of them. Certainly more than anybody else. And Jake and the rest of Cracker Junction can debate that until the cows come home, but it won’t make it any less true. It was far more obvious in the Xavier game yesterday. How many bogus charges did Duke draw? What, a guy doesn’t have to be set anymore if his team has a “rep” as a defensive juggernaut?
And what is with Bill Raftery openly rooting for the Devils? What was more annoying, him playing the role of Dookie V yesterday, or Chris Duhon suddenly remembering to wince every time a camera was pointed at him? I think the whole “oooh my ribs are hurting—I’m such a martyr” thing was just an elaborate ruse to make him seem tough (when he’s not) and give him an excuse to stop shooting, since he stopped making shots sometime last year, anyway. I’ll tell you when you’re tough. It’s when your school doesn’t need to hold a press conference to tell people how tough you are.
I was very glad to see our toupee’d friend Bill Self and the Jayhawks get sent home without supper last night. At no time during the season did Kansas beat a team with an RPI higher than 25. Talk about the luck of the draw. As for Self, who really is a good guy, and really is a good coach, he might be getting a little tired of the Elite Eight. He’s taken three different teams that far in the past four years and gone home every time. Maybe they can name it after him?
The best game (though Kansas-Ga Tech was a good one) was Oky State and St. Joe’s. John Lucas played like crap for 39 minutes then made a huge two and an enormous three and won the game. I find it hard to believe though that we’re supposed to feel so good for Eddie Sutton. Sure, he’s a successful coach, but he ran the dirtiest program of all time when he was at Kentucky. We’re just supposed to forget that? Wait, I think Chris Mills just got another Fed Ex box full of twenties…
St. Joe’s was fun. They were a fun team. Phil Martelli’s a fun guy, and they were fun to watch play. I absolutely loved watching Delonte West. But have we ever seen a coach uglier than Martelli? Ever? Somebody said he looks like the dad on “Everybody Loves Raymond”. If I was Peter Boyle, I’d sue whoever said it. Phil’s just homely.
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The Cubs were on TV not once, but twice this weekend and I think we all know what the highlight of th weekend was. Yes, sir. On Saturday night, Buck Coates came in to play some shortstop. I hope you all set your TiVos on record, because you’re going to want to show his first appearance to your kids on his Hall of Fame induction day in 25 years. And, if that wasn’t enough, Felix Pie played some centerfield on Sunday.
It was almost enough to make you forget that Regular Joe can’t break a pane of glass with his fastball this spring and that people are staring at Mark Prior’s legs like he’s Amanda Schull.
Almost.
The Cubs open a week from today in Cincinnati. Of course, we’ll have all the action live, starting at 1 p.m., so set your work schedules accordingly. We’ll also be doing a GameCast for the home opener a week later, Monday, April 12 against Pittsburgh, also starting at 1 p.m. Who says we’re not full service?
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When Phil Rogers is the voice of reason…there is no reason left to voice. I guess it’s time to officially panic now. Go ahead…
The Bears are getting a fullback! Whoo! Wait, this guy’s not Casey Urlacher is he?
Marty Booker thinks the non-contact practices have too much contact. Quick, somebody help Marty, I think his skirt is bunching up!
This just in, hitters are afraid of Kerry Lee Wood. I think they should be very afraid. After all, he’s going to win the Cy Young this year. You can take that to the bank.
Sammy has a line-drive retardent head. Sweet.
Scott Shoeneweis is bad.
Huh? Jannero Pargo has a big package? Huh? How nice?
Scottie Pippen is a thespian! Just like Rosie O’Donnell and Ellen DeGeneres. Hey, they’re actors, too! Right?
Dream Job is the biggest abomination in journalism history. How would ESPN like it if we had a contest where 12 untrained dumbasses got to try out to be a dentist or a brain surgeon? I hope the earth opens up and swallows Stu Scott, Al Jaffe and whoever puts the clown makeup on Kit Hoover.
Mariotti puts down the doughnut to try and be funny. The results are typically horrific.
Regular Joe’s tossing salad. Oops.
If Ricky Gutierrez is the answer, what was the question? Yikes. I’m going to say it again, because I love this, Ricky suffered the most hilarious baseball injury ever when he was a Cub. He hit a grounder in Coors Field and pulled his hamstring running to first, he fell down and seperated his shoulder. It was awesome.
Further proof that Kiki Vandeweghe is sniffing glue.
Peter Gammons might be hanging with Kiki.
Peter King’s Monday Morning Quarterback predicts the demise of Steve McNair. I’ve seen Peter’s stress test results and if he’s giving Steve McNair three years, I’m giving Peter’s ticker about two weeks, or six Big Macs, whichever comes first.
It’d be the Big Macs by the way.
Easy.
At this point, Britney is just realizing that she can’t sing, her body won’t hold up forever and if she needs to dry hump gay dancers to squeeze out a few million bucks, she’s up to it.
Get this. Some guy is complaining that Britney had sex with him. Somebody call St. Louis and see if they’re done with the world’s smallest banjo so we can play it for this guy.
By the way, Karry Ling has learned that this guy’s right hand is named “Britney Spears.” Go figure.
Husband: “If you don’t have sex with me, I’ll light you on fire!”
Wife: “Go get the matches.”
Craig Hodges: “I’m outta here.”
The World’s Greatest Newspaper reports that Queen Elizabeth is finally going to make an honest man out of Bat Boy.
Finally, some insightful and sensible thoughts. Thank you, Andy. Maybe I’m not looking hard enough, but questioning of the calls that were made against Xavier are pretty tough to come by this morning.
I had no problem with the refs Friday night. They could have called any number of over-the-backs on the crying Shavlik, but sometimes he and the other inside guys were simply taller and faster than the Illini.
My Illini crying towel stayed dry except for the times they’d get a loose ball and take it weak to the rack, where it would be blocked by any of 3 waiting Dukies.
Now the Xavier game was a different story. They still had a great shot after Myles fouled out, until the ridiculous basket-wiping charge calls started swinging the game 5 points at a time.
Maybe Duke’s just smarter in realizing that the refs have it in their heads that they MUST whistle some percentage of flops as charges, regardless of what really happened.
Even though it may be irritating that Duke got the calls in Friday’s game, the thing that really bothered me was the way the Illini just gave up with 2 minutes to go. They were only down 10, and they didn’t foul or press the offense to get some points. Redick even gave us the ball with a minute and a half left. It would have taken a miracle, but that kind of thing happens all the time in the tourney. Maryland was down 12 with 2 to go in the ACC final and came back to win the game in OT, so its not like that kind of thing has never happened to the dookies. The Illini just quit.
Brilliant.
I willed the Illini to quit.
It’s what I do. It’s why I’m omnipotent.
Xavier had 21 fouls, Duke had 23. Shelden Williams, Luol Deng got their fourth fouls with over 9 minutes left in the game. Shavlik Randolph fouled out with 7 minutes left after being called for 2 blocking fouls, and 2 fouls where he obviously got clean blocks. Xavier was only called for 2 charges the whole game, both by Chalmers. Duke was charged with 5 total blocking fouls. So yeah, you’re completely accurate in saying that the refs were in Duke’s pocket.
Hey Stat Boy (Jake) shouldn’t you be working?
Hey Coach K! If you’re omnipotent, I’ve got a pill for you to try!
Impostor Stat Boy (Jake), it’s good to pull your head out of the stat sheet every now and then and watch a game.
FIVE blocking fouls for the game when you play a ball-denying pressure defense impresses me as much as the shocked look on Shavlik’s face each and every time he’s called for a foul he committed.
Deng and Williams should have gotten their fourth fouls with 9 minutes left in the FIRST half.
But shit, if I were them, I’d do the exact same thing, if I knew that nobody was gonna stop me.
From Gammons column:
From Julio Franco, now 45 and still a terrific hitter: My plan is to play five more years, retire, then go the low minors and work my way back to the majors as a manager, When I retire, I want to manage in the majors, but I want to do it the right way, starting at the bottom and earning my way to the big leagues." Don’t bet against the amazing Mr. Franco. In Arizona, one scout compared 19-year-old White Sox phenom Ryan Sweeney to Von Hayes, and another scout couldn’t remember Hayes. And he was traded for Franco.
What exactly is the point of the Ryan Sweeney story? To illustrate that Franco is amazing? Or old? Or that Von Hayes sucked?
Hey, Pete! I, Julio, Jay Baller and a couple other mopes were traded for Von Hayes, this supposedly phenomenonal talent that never quite made it.
But I suggest you quit dropping acid before writing a column.
I don’t mind the Duke-hating, but I will simply not stand for any Von Hayes-bashing….
CT, consider yourself on double-secret-probation with posting privileges under review…
Yes, I won’t stand for it either. That six-for-one trade was a stroke of genius.
Of course, I had pulled off a 2-for-1 trade a year earlier to pry the immortal Ivan DeJesus from the Cubs.
We won a division in 1983. It was a team I helped build. The same could be said of the 1984 division winner.
I umpired three high school games last summer in which Ryan Sweeney played. The most memorable is the one where he came in to pitch the seventh inning with a one-run lead. Next thing you know, it’s the eleventh inning and I had a 3 1/2 hour game behind the plate. I won’t hold that against him, though. He seems to be a good guy, though he’s still two years away from Comiskey at best.
Boers and Bernstein can barely control their giddiness over mark Prior’s injury. Then again, neither can all of their Sox fan callers. Worry about your own team, guys, because Cubs fans don’t give a crap about the Sox.
…it’s been over a week since I last watched the last round of the IHSA finals, and I still can’t get her out of my head…
http://www.countryfinancial.com/ccindex.jsp?url=candace.crabtree
Andy
Who sprinkled the extra idiot powder on your Cocoa Puufs this morning?
Explain how can a team that shoots 3 free throws (Duke) to the other team’s (X-Zavier) 17 free throws over a critical 17 1/2 minute stretch of the second half (from more than 18 minutes to go to less than 2 minutes to go) have gotten preferential treatment from the refs?
Please explain to me what game you were watching. Was it the game in which the refs put Xavier in the bonus with more than 13 minutes to play in the second half? Was it the game in which Xavier somehow didn’t commit a foul (other than two non-shooting offensive charges) from the time Duke got into the bonus (with over nine minutes left) until Xavier started fouling in desperation with less than a minute and a half to play?
Ugh.
P.S. The Ill-Whini quit on Friday night. Could the Big Ten suck any more?
Did anyone happen to catch the cameo on the Sopranos last night by Diamond David Lee Roth? Just classic.
WeegiPup: That would have been your sister.
Sloth: Can we please file the teeth down on Candace, please?
Those are D-cups, Andy. And she’s honored to be invited out for dinner. Orland Park ain’t that far away. I’ve driven further for candy.
No way we let in an insurance agent from Orland Park into our exclusive club.
Last night’s "Sopranos" is a classic. Diamond Dave, Lawrence Taylor, Frankie Valli’s Emmy-worthy acting, and Patty D’Arbanville’s naked sprint?
This may live on my Tivo forever…
Andy – I heard you had your ESPN fantasy draft yesterday. How does your team look in 2004? Will you finally snag your first title?
Mark Prior will have Tommy John surgery and miss the 2004 season. You heard it here first.
The extension of women’s rights is the basic principle of all social progress. by texas hold’em