Hah!  Finally somebody bad enough to beat on the road!It’s bad enough when you become on the third team to lose a home game to the Astros, but nobody does the whole salt rubbing into the wounds thing better than the Cubs, do they?

Not only did they waste seven good innings from Greg Maddux (it was sheer lunacy to send him out for the eighth with a rested bullpen and the fact that he’s 74 years old and his gas gauge goes from half full to empty in like four seconds), but an already anemic offense isn’t going to get better if nobody’s willing to lead off.

What’s dumber? Dusty Baker’s assertion that he can’t lead Todd Walker off because Todd can’t run with his bum knee, or Dusty’s decision to not lead Corey Patterson off because Corey doesn’t want to?

First, Todd can’t run with a good knee, so you’re not really losing his blazing speed. What Todd can do (although didn’t come close to doing last night) is get on base, which should really be the goal of any leadoff man. You’d rather have a slow guy on first than a fast guy walking back to the dugout, right?

Second, Corey shouldn’t be leading off because he sucks at it, not because he won’t do it. Didn’t we go through this crap last year when Dusty wouldn’t drop Sammy Sosa in the batting order because he was afraid he’d hurt Sammy’s feelings if he dropped him? Look, if a guy won’t bat where his manager tells him to bat he ought to be enjoying a bus ride back to Iowa.

Even if you have some half-witted notion that a player can earn the right to decide where he best fits in a lineup (and that’s absurd), Corey wouldn’t have earned that right anyway. One half of a good season in 2003 and one good month in 2004 (where, ironically he was batting leadoff) wouldn’t qualify for that prima dona status, anyway.

I’m not even going to totally blame Corey here. His quotes about this don’t imply that he would refuse to lead off, just that he’d rather not do it. But I am going to blame Dusty. If you really think Corey should lead off then all you have to do is write his name down first on your lineup card. If he doesn’t want to do it, then fine him and send him home. Don’t whine to the media that you think he’d be good at it, but he doesn’t want to do it, so you won’t make him do it. You’re not running a democracy. You’re not supposed to have guys vote on what they want to do.

What’s going to end up happening though, is the Cubs are going to use Neifi Perez as their leadoff hitter. That’s going to send shivers down the spines of opposing teams.

I can’t fault Neifi for his effort, or even his approach at the plate, since he came to the Cubs last August. He takes pitches, he bunts, he seems to actually have a plan of attack at the plate, and yet he’s still only posting a .325 on base average for the season. And if he could somehow hold that sub-mediocre .325 for the season, it would be the first season in his career in which he’s reached base that frequently.

Plus, batting Neifi first means he’s going to get more at bats than anybody else. Does that seem like a good idea?

What I think is actually going on is that Dusty wants to bat Neifi leadoff but wants to hedge his bet. If Neifi fails miserably (which is completely possible), Dusty can say, “Hey dude, I didn’t want to have to bat him there.” Now there’s a fine way to make decisions.

This just throws an even brighter spotlight on the fact that the Cubs need to trade for better players. Heck, maybe they don’t necessarily even need “better” players, just different ones of equal ability. Because what you’ve got right now doesn’t work.

Walker’s back, and that means the only position player you’re waiting for now is Nomar. I’d love to see him come back in late July and start hitting. But not only is that unlikely, it’s going to be too late.

Charlie Weis keeps repeating a Bill Parcells’ saying, “You are what your record is.” Charlie told it to the Notre Dame football team when he walked in the door. He said, “You beat Tennessee on the road and Michigan at home and you think you were a better team than 6-5. But you’re not. You’re 6-5. That’s what you earned. That’s your record. It’s reality.”

The Cubs, I’m sure, think they’re better than 21-23, but they’re not. That’s what they are. They are a sub-.500 baseball team because they’ve played like one. In fact, with a recent run of come from behind wins, they can’t even cling to that myth that they’d just been losing the close games, and not getting any breaks. Well, now they’re winning some close games and getting some breaks and they’re still under .500.

This is a 77 to 81 win team on the field right now, and they’re playing like it. If you’re Jim Hendry and you don’t want a 77 win team, well, you can do something about it.

I’m tired of hearing this crap about how “it’s early” and “nobody wants to make any trades yet.” That’s crap. What nobody wants to do is make the kinds of trades the Cubs have gone after during Andy MacPhail’s tenure. The kind where you trade nothing for an expensive something that the other team wants to get rid of.

There’s no problem with those trades. In fact, it’s nice that the Cubs will, on occassion, recall that they’re a big market team with a vault full of spendable cash and use it to get guys like E-ramis (he will hit again, right?) and Derrek Lee. But there are other kinds of trades, too. The kind where you trade an actually useful player to another team for one of their useful players. It happens all the time. Just not around here.

The Cubs have some players on their current big league roster (they’re always loathe to trade anybody on the 25-man roster) who could be useful to other teams. Jason Dubois’ going to be a nice player, but never a star, you can trade him without fear that you’ll wake up some day and see that he’s turned into a righthanded Jim Thome. Corey’s all potential, still. Maybe it’s time for somebody else to let him tease them. You’re not trading the next Lou Brock anymore, the next Greg Brock? Maybe. There are more. Here’s the thing. You can trade anybody. ANYBODY. As long as you get value back for them. Sure, if you trade Corey and you get somebody who sucks and then Corey puts up some nice years for another team, you’re going to regret that. But if you trade for somebody who can play and he plays well for you, then whatever Corey does for the other team is of no consequence.

The Chicago media is full of dopes, and there are plenty of Cubs fans who are dopes (they tend to call into the weekend Sports Central pretty regularly). But you don’t make trades based on their popularity. You make them because you think you’re going to make your team better. Wow, what a novel concept!

Truly good front offices don’t have any untouchables on their teams. They have guys who you’d have to offer a ludicrous amount of talent to get, but they’ll listen to anything. You’re not going to trade Mark Prior or Carlos Zambrano unless somebody gives you half their team, but you have to be willing to consider anything.

Right now, you wonder if the Cubs consider anything at all. It’s not early anymore. If you go into the west coast road trip and the rest of the interleague schedule with this team, you’re going to be on the outside looking in at a very mediocre National League. Don’t wait to see what happens. Make something happen.