I think we can all agree on something here. ESPN is the biggest force in sports. There’s just no denying it. SportsCenter is the biggest sports TV show in history. They broadcast college basketball, college football, the NFL, the NBA, Major League Baseball, bowling, poker and endless amounts of other crap.
Their Web site is the most read sports site in the world on a daily basis. They have made some very talented people very rich and very famous like Dan Patrick and Keith Olbermann and, uh…I’m sure there are others. Chris Berman used to be good and now he’s just loud. They also made some no-talent hacks very famous like Stu Scott, Rob Neyer and the “I can barely read out loud” Chris McKendry.
They have tried to pawn off some real crap on us over the years. Cold Pizza might be the worst show in the history of television. Junction Boys is one of the most horrific movies ever made, and don’t even get me started on that Bobby Knight thing. We are now subjected to stupid little game shows during SportsCenter and something called the Budweiser hot seat.
But, by far, the most abhorrent thing about ESPN is the existence of that bright yellow pile of crap on their Web site called Page 2. Page 2 is basically an assemblage of mildly to completely untalented writers who wouldn’t know actual sports humor if it hit them over the head with sledge.
Page 2 got a boost when they had the foresight to hire Bill Simmons a few summers back, but not long after his arrival we began to see the “corporatization” of his columns. They were still good, but not as good as what we’d been used to getting from him. Then, he went off to California to write for one of the worst TV shows in history, The Jimmy Kimmel Show, and his writing for Page 2 has been sporadic in quantity and quality. When you click on a Simmons column now, you pretty much know that if the tag line is:
This column appears in the _________________ issue of ESPN: The Magazine. that the column is going to be unreadable.
With Simmons pretty much a non-factor on Page 2 on a daily basis, there’s just no reason to visit it. What are you going to read? Some nonsensical rambling from Ralph Wiley? How about a hilarious Jim Caple piece on…well, hell, he’ll write about anything, but he’s just about the most non-funny person on the planet. Hey, let’s make people think they should care about the only non-Lesbian softball player in the world! Whee!
That wasn’t bad enough. Now they have Page 3, an even more unreadable mess of crap that appears to be nothing more than a huge ad for MSN.
Basically, you know the discussion about the need for Page 3 went like this:
ESPN big shot: “Hey, the kids seem to like this Page 2 thing, what do you think Lackey #1?”
Lackey #1: “Actually, sir, Page 2 is almost unreadable on a daily basis and the fact that Sports Guy is playing footsie with Jimmy Kimmel means he only writes five columns a month, only one of which is actually worth a damn.”
ESPN big shot: “Hmm…interesting. What do you think about this Lackey #2?”
Lackey #2: “Sir, Page 2 is huuuuge! The kids love it. In fact, they wish there were more of it. I think we should do Page 3! We don’t need good content, just content period. You think those ads just host themselves?”
Lackey #3: “More content, even if it sucks? Brilliant!”
ESPN big shot: “OK, I’m going to give you a budget of…hmm, hey Lackey #1 how much do you make?”
Lackey #1: “About $24,000 sir.”
ESPN big shot: “OK. You’re fired. Lackey #2, you have $24,000, start a crappy page, call it Page 3 and who cares what’s on it, as long as there are rappers and nearly naked women.”
Lackeys 2 and 3: “Brilliant!”
I mean for chrissakes what’s next? Are they going to resort to creating a columnist who bears an uncanny resemblance to a CNN prime time talk show host and wears a diaper and drinks Wild Turkey…wait…never mind.
The point is this. Why can’t ESPN stop screwing up our sports? They do something so very well, that when they branch out into “entertainment” and mutilate it, it just makes it that much more frustrating.
Remember when Page 2 used to have David Halberstam on it? Here’s one of the best writers of all time and his really good stuff about fishing with Ted Williams and the glory days of baseball would be crammed in between Caple writing about how baseball ought to make the Phillie Phanatic commissioner and a poll that read “Who would you most like to sodomize? Jennie Finch or Paul O’Neill?” And guess what they kept? They kept Jim Caple and the sodomy and launched Halberstam. Brilliant!
Look, we don’t need ESPN 2, or ESPN Deportes, or Page 2 or Page 3 or Joe Theismann’s wig or Berman squeezing his size 58 ass into a size 42 blazer. What we need is for ESPN to concentrate on what they used to be good at. Sports.
Is that such a novel idea?
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Greg Couch points out in today’s Sun Times that the Cubs don’t really need Greg Maddux. I couldn’t agree more. Look, if he comes, that’s great. But this crap about how he’ll guide the young pitchers with his Jedi wisdom is just that, it’s crap. The Cubs have a pitching coach, in fact they have two. They don’t need a third. If I’m Jim Hendry, the only reason I’m in on the Maddux sweepstakes is to make sure that the Cardinals don’t get him. He can go anywhere else. Would he help the Cubs? Sure he would. He can still pitch. But he’s not the Greg Maddux of 1992 or 1996 or 2000. He’s 38. His numbers are trending the wrong way. He’s certainly not going to hurt the Cubs, but his impact won’t be as grand as a lot of Cubs fans think it will be.
That said, Couch’s assertion that Maddux’s return will be a bad memory for Cubs fans because we’ll have to remember that he won his pennants and World Series in Atlanta, that’s crap. If anybody’s a bad memory it’s Derrek Lee standing over there at first base. He literally has OUR pennant. But I think both Derrek and Greggie will end up 2004 with new, favorite memories.
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Terry Shea brings a new offense to Chicago. More great radio on the Score yesterday when Murph and Fred freaked out that the Bears were “being cheap” in their offer to Shea. Then today they applauded Shea for asking for the moon so he could get a good deal. How about giving a little credit to the Bears who didn’t need to grossly overpay a guy who’s never been an NFL coordinator? Nah.
The Cubs picked up Ryan Dempster out of the dumpster (oh, that’s just too Mariotti isn’t it?). The one-time hot shot prospect had a nice career going for him until elbow problems began to plague him in 2002. He had Tommy John surgery in August and won’t be a Cub this year, most likely, but could be the Matt Clement replacement in 2005. Not bad. Oh, and he’s still only 26.
Can we cut Eddy Curry a little slack. It’s fun to make fun of him, but don’t give up on the big fella…he’s gonna be good. Let’s just hope he’s still in Chicago when he has his Jermaine O’Neal breakout.
Penn State isn’t very good, are they?
This is just so perfectly Mariotti. Mariotti puts down the doughnut to proclaim that mediocre running back Duce Staley is the Bears’ savior. Yeah, he did wonders for Philly.
Dempster just loves the Cubs!
The Sox signed “Mr. Zero!” I thought they already had Willie Harris?
Darius Miles is now moving on to his third team in three years. If he never learns to shoot, it might be his last.
Ray Ratto on Al Davis coming out of his spider hole yesterday.
Is it wrong that I enjoyed reading this?
Despite the fact that Meet the Parents was overrated, I’m still looking forward to Meet the Fockers.
Say goodnight Howie.
Maybe Wes Clark is the gay baseball player?
Now the lesbians are buying cyber-sperm. Ewwww.
Stephen Hawking’s wife sounds like….well she’s crazier than bat s@#$. Her defense will be that electronically generated voices in her head made her beat her husband. No, wait, that’s his voice.
Sarah Jessica Parker (who is not aging well) stepped in a little dog poop, and there are pictures to prove it.
America’s finest news source on the state of the Union.
Spot on about ESPN, can remember a time when ESPN was on the cutting edge, now they have become part of the landscape and have lost that edge. With crap like the Budweiser hot seat what a waste of time. The assorted 4th down scenes with Sean Saulsberry and the elf looking John Clayton, I’m sick of the mock anger and everyone yelling over each other. Its lazy and its a waste of time. Sportscenter used to be something I needed to check in with now I don’t care.
Personalities on ESPN thinking they are part of the sports scene, I don’t care who Stu Scott is mates with, he reads the sports news, thats it, the next time he wants to critisize a star player that will be the first wouldn’t it, but its more fun to call out some role player because who cares about them.
The ESPYs who doesn’t wish they’d go away
"Meet the Parents" wasn’t overrated, it just went about 20 minutes too long. Plus, if you have the DVD, you see some deleted scenes, one of which should definitely have been in the movie over some of the stuff they put in there. Oh well…
SO, how come when I settle in to Desipio for my daily Dolan fix, I start getting pinged with pop-ups to subscribe to ESPN The Magazine?
This happening to anyone else, or did the guy at CVS f**k up my perscriptions again?
By the way, on the ESPN thing, you had better have the word "not" in any sentence that also has the words "Stuart Scott" and "journalist" in there. Because Stuart Scott is not a journalist.
SportsCenter realizes they can get off cheaper with all of the stuff not highlights, plus they can get advertisement money, so that’s why they do it. It sucks however. I just hope they don’t start doing the same thing with Baseball Tonight in 2004. Unless it is the Budweiser Top Ten reasons the Cardinals are morons. ;-)
Am I the only one who thinks they should lock the Hollywood Jock guy in a dark closet with an angry wolverine?
I think a big part of ESPN’s downturn is a result of the purchase of the network by Disney (as part of the ABC deal) during the ’90s. It was a double edged sword, as Disney’s deep pockets allowed the network to pay out to get TV contracts with the NHL and NBA, but it also meant that Disney’s micromanaging hacks would be watching the bottom line closely. ESPN then became a brand that Disney could sell, which spawned crap like the ESPY’s and the X Games. The other problem is that ESPN has so easily crushed any competition (Sports Vision, Sports Channel, and Fox Sports Net’s attempt to create a national sports newscast) that why should they care what we think? I used to watch Sportscenter knowing that at some point during the hour I would get to see the highlights of all the Chicago teams games, but now they pick and choose what they want to show, and you’d better be able to keep track of that ticker at the bottom of the screen if your team is unpopular. I think Desipio needs to take NBC all sports all the time.
Things could be worse. ESPN had a plan in the mid 80s to set up regional ESPNs all over the country, but some genius didn’t think (get this) that fans would want to see every game on TV. Perhaps Bill Wirtz was a consultant.
So that allowed SportsChannels to pop up in every major market. Then Rupert Murdoch swooped in and bought them all and created Fox Sports Net. Fox isn’t the greatest thing in the world, but at least it’s not ALL ESPN as far as sports go.
That’s not to say that the moronic decisions stop there. Why would the new All-Chicago sports TV network let the Blackhawks in? All it does is clog up hunks of valuable time when we could be watching quality shows on it like "How to change your car’s oil with Joe Borowski" and "English for Dummies with Ozzie Guillen." Sigh.
Download me! I have a pop-up blocker built in so you will not have to get the ESPN Magazine pop up at Desipio any more. Or the 3 million pop-ups over at the suntimes.com.
That’s ironic since the Google Search button on the homepage is what generates the ESPN Magazine pop up on Desipio’s home page.
test
The Blackhawks are going to take part? That’s strange since they currently have to pay the Score to put their games on the radio. Well, we’ll only have to suffer through the away games, at least.
What? Nobody wants to talk puck anymore?
I know why they have sold their souls, that being to make more money, that just doesn’t justify it.
The endless sponserships, whats next the Kings highlights bought you by the Palms Casino, nice tie in. But is it needed?
There shouldn’t be any pop-ups on Desipio. I never get any.
Maybe they’re afraid of me?
By the way. Check this out. LaRussa unhurt in small plane crash
He was unhurt, but his pants were not unsoiled.
Tony said "I’m pleased to report to my wife that I was thinking of her instead of my dog," La Russa said, alluding to the couple’s 11-year-old lab-terrier mix, one of their three dogs.
I can tell you that I was thinking of the dog. Hello!
One guy said, ‘You’re really handling this all right," La Russa said Thursday of the accident a day earlier at Pueblo Memorial Airport. "More tongue in cheek, I said, ‘After you have one-run leads in the ninth for 20 years’ a minor landing issue gets easier to brush off."
Screw you, Mulletman!
test
I hope that pilot gets hit in the head and we never hear from him again.
CT, that "test" thing never gets old.
I thought the ‘test’ thing was a glitch, there’s someone actually doing that?
Frickairn’ stop it, eh?
I do it some of the time, because its the only way i can get the damn page to reload. I’ll stop.
Try me. I work.
Oops, much like Pete Rose, I forgot to say "sorry". I won’t do it anymore.
F5: You don’t always work. Your post didn’t display until I put up my last one.
Desipio doesn’t offer a fancy rehab for posting annoying messages
Your pop ups are supplied by resident spyware. A program that was installed on your computer (No doubt looking at internet porn). The google toolbar will stop new pop ups but not ones that are installed. go to http://www.lavasoftusa.com and download the free AD-Aware program it will identify them and remove the spyware
Hah! See it’s your fault, not ours!
Now if you don’t mind I’m going to download some more porn. And yes, all of the computers at Desipio have Ad-aware installed on them and we swear by it.
Especially Karry.
You could try me, also.
The thing is, Mr Test, every time you do that to get any new messages, there always always is one;
Intrepid reader# ?: test
‘test’
So no wonder you keep doing it…
Please don’t take my last post the wrong way. Easy access to Porn was the reason GOD invented the internet. (not Gore)
I have seen so much of Catherine Bosley I am afraid that she will be popping up every time that I turn on the computer. I feel uncomfortable about using the phrase "logging on" in this context. For that matter I probably shouldn’t have used the phrase "poppoing up".
See. I get so nervous I can’t even spell "popping up".
Also good to stop spyware programs is spyboy – I use that along with Ad-Aware, and pop up stopper to stop pop ups. Who knew?
http://www.safer-networking.org/index.php?page=spybotsd
Oh, Stew!
![]("http://www.glumbert.com/special/bosley/full/4.jpeg"/)
I think I’d rather see the heave’rs on the guy with the mustache in the background.
Hey moran, you could just click me. (Damn Cardinal fans.)
Andy, you gamecasting the Thuperbowl, I’m guessing?
I’m online, if so.
Anyone see my less obnoxious brother on fox last night?
I will always support the idea of more GameCasts.
I thought about pissing Andy off with a Wizards/Bulls Gamecast on Dr. MLK Day, but good taste prevailed.
Instead, I watched three quarters, drank two brandies, and spent the rest of the afternoon chasing our mailman with a co-axial cable.
Of course, no mail was delivered on MLK Day, so what the hell did’I do dat night?
14 mil for 2 years?!? Are you serious?? I’m worth much more than that. And don’t give me that crap about being old and my numbers going the wrong direction. Make it 14 mil EACH year and I will bleed Cubbie blue. (Not stew)
test.
Good luck finding a better deal, Greggie.
No matter how good she looks, just remember, there’s always some other guy out there that’s tired of her crap.
Hey you lazy fkkrs! It’s almost noon and no new Dose? Aren’t there, like, 8 of you writing columns now? Put the circle jerk on hold and give me something to read. If I don’t have anything new by 1:00 CST, I will cancel my subscription. I swear.
In history, in social life, nothing is fixed, rigid or definitive. And nothing ever will be. by online poker