Just so you know, you’re missing out on a week’s worth of hilarity. So I guess those of us who interviewed with John McDonough last week can now retain our anonymity. Though, I will admit that he was very impressed by my home run call. When Matt Morris served one up to E-ramis Ramirez I instructed Matt to “Grab your ankles and take it like a man!” I really think that home run call will catch on.
Instead, we’ll do a regular Daily Dose. Well, I suppose by definition, the Daily Dose is irregular, but you know what I mean. One quick note. We have yet another new ad company affiliation and you’ll notice over the next few weeks that This Old Cub is a sponsor. Without going all Pat and Ron on you and grinding the Dose to a halt, I’ll just urge you to order the DVD (because you know every Cubs’ fan in America is getting it for Christmas) by clicking on the link here at Desipio. Everybody wins. We win, the Santos win, little diabetics all over America win. The only people who lose are the terrorists.
Before we get into some hard core Genius bashing, I have to point out two links that have appeared in the discussion area of the last couple of articles. First is the link to Baseball’s Best Fans, which had me going until the very last part. Just great stuff. Now, they’ve added a World Series preview to it. So go check those out.
As Cubs’ fans we are quite happy with the way the World Series has started. Not so much because we feel a kinship with the Red Sox and their long suffering fans. Honestly, do any of us care if a bunch of racists (who ironically can’t pronounce their r’s) finally get to celebrate a World Series? The media think Cubs’ fans are rooting for the Red Sox because we can identify with their plight. We’re rooting for them because they’re playing the Cardinals. If Kim Jong Il fielded a team we’d root for them over the Cardinals.
What’s even better is that so far, every move The Genius has tried has failed. It could be that he just can’t see real well from behind those sunglasses. The Genius is apparently the last man in America to figure out that the glasses that tint to become sunglasses don’t work and just make you look like you’re very likely blind. But there he is, standing in the dugout, hands on his hips like some hipster hardass, with his mullet poking out from under his ill-fitting hat and his collar turned up like he’s Ted Danson in 1987, the strangely tinted glasses would go perfectly well with a white cane and a suitably spayed or neutered guide dog.
Cardinals’ fans will long bemoan the “freak” injury to Chris Carpenter as to the reason they didn’t win the World Series. As Cubs’ fans, we know this is crap. The Cardinals’ starters to a man are average at best. Woody Williams is complete toast and has been all year. Matt Morris is an overpaid shell of the pitcher he once was. Jeff Suppan is on his fourth team in three years for a reason. Jason Marquis’ main assets seem to be that he can trip over every base and groove fastballs. As for Carpenter, it must really hurt to lose such a fine pitcher. Over his career Major League hitters are batting .280 against Chris with a .342 on base average. He missed half of 2002 and all of 2003 with an injury. So gee, it had to come as just an awful shock when he crapped out late this year.
Besides, his 15 wins would have made him the third winningest pitcher on the Cubs.
The Cardinals are, if you listened to Chip Caray and Steve Stone this year, the perfect team. They play great defense. They have strong starting pitching, a stout bullpen and an offense that can beat you with the home run and with “small ball.”
OK, I can’t not admit that they have had a very good year. You can’t go 105-57 and just stagger your way through the season. But in the playoffs their pitching has been mediocre at best. In two games in the World Series the Red Sox have swung at, and missed FOURTEEN pitches! FOURTEEN! Talk about not exactly being fooled.
And where was the vaunted Cardinals’ running game in game two? You had a fat, one legged pitcher on the mound and nobody tries to beat out a bunt? Honestly, I expected the Genius to have everybody try and bunt in the first inning. Even if it meant going down 1-2-3 you would have made Schilling run off the mound and field the ball three times. You know his foot hurt, and the potential for him to slip and tear those stitches and be done for the night had to be there. And let’s not pretend that the Cardinals’ play by some “code” where they wouldn’t do that. LaRussa would have a pitcher throw at his mother if he thought it gave him a four percent better chance of winning anything.
Look at who he’s managing against? Terry Francona! Former Cub, Terry Francona. Then, again, LaRussa played for the Cubs, too, so maybe that evens out. Although, Francona actually got an at bat in a Cubs’ uniform. LaRussa can’t say that.
How many times did we hear Stone warn us that any Cubs’ error against the vaunted Cardinals would spell doom? “You can’t give them extra outs.” The Red Sox have committed eight errors in two games, those led directly to six extra outs (two errors occurred on balls that had already been hit safely into play) and one run. One run! Apparently, you can’t give them one extra out, but three is no big deal.
The Cardinals’ baserunning has been keen, too. Reggie Sanders did a fabulous Lonnie Smith impersonation in game two when he went from first to second on a DOUBLE. Actually it ended up being a single, because Reggie thought he missed second.
The night before, LaRussa tried to prove how genius he was by using Jason Marquis to pinch run for Mike Matheny. That worked out great when Marquis fell down twice trying to run to second base. My two year old niece can run in a straighter line than Marquis. Then again, she doesn’t hold her glove straight up on a fastball and to the side on a slider. But that’s just her.
Also painful is listening to Joe Buck and Tim McCarver announce the Series. Buck gets a weekly paycheck from the Cardinals and McCarver played on two World Series teams in St. Louis. I’m sure we’ll hear all about the “World’s Greatest Fans” the next two nights. I’ll be sure to keep a bucket by the couch in case I begin to projectile vomit.
For the love of me I cannot understand why America holds Cardinals’ fans in such high regard. Is it their ability to all dress in the same color? Perhaps it’s the guy who brings that stack of laminated, professionally painted signs that say witty things like, “Web-Jim” or “Pujols for Presidente” on them? He’s got one he’s been saving for tonight that’s hilarious. It says, “Things are getting World Serious!” on it. I can’t wait. Now that’s witty.
Honestly, what supposedly makes them such great fans? I know three of them personally. One is my brother-in-law who once gave his Ken Oberkfell bobblehead doll an actual hickey. One is Kelly Dwyer who has not been heard from since his attendance of games one and two of the NLCS at the Big Urinal Cake and one was a guy I lived with in college who feverishly argued one night that George Hendrick was the most underrated player in baseball history.
By the way, look up Hendrick’s most similar player, dude.
From what I see of most Cardinals fans, it’s like a social club for the insecure. Honestly, they’re still more concerned about the Cubs than their own team. Look, we know and accept that the Cubs have been one of the most inept franchises of the last 100 years. If it wasn’t for the White Sox, we’d be the clear choice. So why are the Cardinals so obsessed with us?
Last year, when the tables were turned, did you see any “How’s the reception, Cardinals fans” t-shirts? No, and for good reason. Our thoughts were pretty much directed at the teams the Cubs were…you know..actually playing.
Down in St. Louis, they are very proud of their team, and they ought to be. Tonight, go through their postseason ritual.
They’ll open a 20 ounce can of Busch Light. They’ll take the tin foil off of their Hungry Man dinner and wrap it around the antenna on their 13 inch TV and watch game three in style. Those TV’s get both colors. Black and white. Classy.
And, when they lose, they’ll immediately start yelling, “Hey, at least we’re in the World Series! The Cubs aren’t!” And, they’ll be right. And they’ll still be creepily insane.
———
I was slumming over at CubsTalk.com (it’s changing names again, not that anybody really gives a whit, but they’ve got a news release and everything) and entertaining myself. Today, they’re talking about how great Jay Mariotti is. I’m not making that up. Yesterday they ran wild with a Kerry Wood and Sammy Sosa to the Yankees for A-Rod and Kevin Brown trade rumor. Tomorrow they’re expected to kick around the idea of trading Strawberry Shortcake and Skeletor for Rainbow Brite and one of the Thundercats.
But they do have some interesting discussions from time to time. They kicked around Steve Stone’s assertion that Carlos Beltran has to be option one, 1A, two, three and four, this offseason. I’m delusional to think that Beltran is the Cubs’ free agent to lose. They have the cash, (even with Sammy around), he hits nearly .500 at Wrigley, they’re going to be good for years to come and you don’t have to live in New York.
Yesterday they held a two page discussion on how a Mark Grace-Steve Stone announcing booth wouldn’t work because “neither one of them can do play-by-play). First off, it wouldn’t work because Grace is horrendous. But it’s TV. There are pictures involved. You don’t need a whole lot of play-by-play. Hawk and DJ hardly ever speak and it’s not like you can’t tell what’s going on. They’re annoying, but honestly, you don’t even need announcers. If Comcast Sports Net is smart, they’ll set it up so you can watch games this year with no announcers on the SAP. Just click that button and all you hear is the field microphone. The PA announcer, the drunk fans and the stadium music. Hell, I’d pay extra to listen to that.
——
The Cubs have four big issues they have to address this offseason. They need to decide what to do with Nomar, they have to try and trade Sammy, they have to chase after Beltran with a suitcase full of cash and they have to find a closer.
How’s all of that going to shake out? Nobody knows. But I’ll tell you anyway.
I’ve said it a million freaking times since July 31, and I’ll say it again. Jim Hendry didn’t trade four players for two months of Nomar. The Cubs will offer Nomar a three year deal and he’ll shop it around and find out it’s his best offer. Get ready for lots of shots of Mia Hamm and Sarah Wood yelling, “Wheeeeeee!” from the stands while Heather Prior tries to eat an entire side of beef.
I’ve already said I think they’ll sign Beltran. Nobody thought they’d trade for Nomar. Nobody thinks they’ll sign Beltran.
I also think they’ll trade Sammy. We’re myopic to it, but there is an actual market for Sammy. Over at baseballprimer (or whatever it’s called now) his projected 2005 season is .255, 37 homers, 97 RBI. If the Cubs are willing to play half his salary, there are more than a handful of teams who could use that from one of their outfield spots.
A closer? I have this nagging feeling that the Cubs think Ryan Dempster is going to be the next Jason Isringhausen. A decent starter who got hurt and returned as a closer. Dempster’s going to need bigger ears of course, but the Extreme Makeover guys can fix that.
What’s the opening day lineup going to be, April 4 at the Bob against the Diamondbacks?
It depends on what the Cubs have to take back for Sammy. But since that’s unkown, let’s go with what we can plausibly surmise.
Corey Patterson, lf
Todd Walker, 2b
Carlos Beltran, cf
E-ramis Ramirez, 3b
Nomar Garciaparra, ss
Derrek Lee, 1b
Todd Hollandsworth, rf
Michael Barrett, c
Mark Prior, p
That’s assuming of course a right field platoon of Hollandsworth and Jason Dubois or some retread veteran. In fact, there’s probably a good chance that Moises would be in left and Corey in right. But what are the odds of getting another good season out of Captain Checkswing at his age?
Here’s what you need to prepare yourself for this offseason, Cubs fans. Just like they’ve been doing ever since they promoted Jim Hendry to GM before the 2003 season, the Cubs will continue to operate like a real Major League Baseball team. The ’04 Cubs didn’t fail for a lack of talent or resources, and they’ll shuffle the deck and try it again in ’05. Give a couple more years of expensive failures and then we can panic about them slashing payroll, but for now, let’s enjoy them actually adding real, live players.
Think about it, last November, did you think the Cubs would add Greg Maddux, Derrek Lee, Nomar, LaTroy, etc.?
Also, (assuming Dempster or a rejuvenated Joe Borowski can close in ’05) the Cubs enter the offseason in a very unusual spot for a contender. They already have their pitching staff in place. Offense is fun to shop for.
—-
Antonio Davis chasing Brendan Haywood around the court last night was awesome. Antonio’s my new hero.
Ron Turner’s out the door in Champaign, apparently. His potential replacements include Urban Meyer, the former ND wide receivers coach, who is very good. They ought to include Louisville’s Bobby Petrino.
Holy crap, how bad is Tim Couch?
Jay Williams is going to do some college basketball analysis this season. His partner is the previously mentioned Cubs’ play-by-play candidate of whom we have an e-mail address.
Chris DeLuca says the White Sox gave up on Keith Foulke. Well, they did.
Mariotti puts down the doughnut to continue to beat the Bears’ QB thing into the ground.
Doug Padilla is excited that the Sox are going to go after some big name free agent pitchers. He uses previous Sox pitching pickups like Freddy Garcia, Bartolo Colon, Flash Gordon and Jose Contreras. Hey Doug, how many of them were free agents? One, right?
The Wizard of Roz on Jim Miller’s gimpy arm.
America’s finest news source on the Bill O’Reilly “Loofa-gate.”
I did play-by-play in ’85–Dewayne Staats’ first year–during the middle three innings when Harry would stagger over to WGN radio and confuse car-driving fans almost as much as Ron Santo does today.
I wasn’t bad. Besides, like Andy says, it’s TV. Too much talk on TV and you’re Chip Caray.
If Corey’s leading off instead of me, then I’m finding a new God.
I’m thinking Vishnu.
Andy, you’re not the ONLY one who thinks that the Cubs are going hard after Beltran.
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/gammons/story?id=1909591
And while I may be a pathetic hipster doofus, I was also the first baseball writer to publicly state that the Cubs would get the Nomar trade done.
What, I get no props for sucker punching Heywood in the groin?
Anyone else think Schilling is overselling his injury to get more spotlight and more microphones?
How about a trade of Corey Patterson and a minor-league arm (one of the studs maybe) to rebuilding Seattle for Ichiro?
We got E-Ramis and Derrek Lee for Bobby Hill and Hee Sop, why can’t we use another one-time savior to get someone who has proven they can play?
I might be the only one (besides Andy, I guess) but I actually thought the announcer interview thing was really funny.
Mark Phillipoosis dropped her:
for Paris Freaking Hilton! Guess a round mouth really CAN get you everywhere.
Which leaves Delta Goodrem, Australian singer/babe, wide open for the taking.
Oh yeah, I forgot, I’m old fat and ugly. And a Sloth.
I guess Mr. Phillipoosis would rather catch me than some clean ponnannie.
Boers and Bernstein spent a lot of time yesterday talking about how Red Sox parapheranlia was flying off the shelves in Chicago this past week, and how the Cub fans should really be rooting for the Cardinals because it would "validate" the Cubs season. Their reasoning is that it would somehow make the Cubs season look worse (as if that could happen) if the Cardinals fell short. They couldn’t understand why or how a Cub fan would root against the Cardinals. I sent them an e-mail detailing my hatred of all things Cardinal (in particular their Cubs-obsessed fans and media, The Genius, Lassie, etc.), but of course they only read the part where I said I’d root for al Qaeda against the Cardinals and just kind of scoffed at it.
The other thing that’s great about this Series is how Fox devotes about 90% of its broadcast to fellating the Red Sox, the Curse, Fenway, and their fans. The Cardinals are largely ignored in their chance on the national stage, and you know that will do wonders for their massive inferiority complex. And you also know it’s killing Joe Buck.
I forgot to mention that the movie "Wrong Turn" is currently playing on HBO. I stumbled across it last night and noticed a sweaty Eliza Dushku running through the woods in a tight tank-top, trying to escape three "in-bred cannibals" (as described in the movie summary). The movie was allegedly set in West Virginia, but I swear one of the in-bred cannibals was wearing a Mark McGwire jersey. The clincher was when they captured her and tied her to the bed, but left her unharmed and un-eaten. That film had to have been shot in the Ozarks.
What the lineup will more likely look like:
Todd Walker, 2b
Derrek Lee, 1b
Carlos Beltran, cf
E-ramis Ramirez, 3b
Todd Hollandsworth, rf
Michael Barrett, c
Corey Patterson, lf
Craig Counsel, ss
Mark Prior, p
What I’m hoping for:
Todd Walker, 2b
Derrek Lee, 1b
Carlos Beltran, cf
E-ramis Ramirez, 3b
Nomar Garciaparra, ss
Todd Hollandsworth, rf
Michael Barrett, c
Magglio Ordonez, lf (if healthy)
Mark Prior, p
Patterson traded to Philly for Wagner.
"but of course they only read the part where I said I’d root for al Qaeda against the Cardinals and just kind of scoffed at it"
And the point is … write something only a moron would write and you’ll be scoffed at. That all checks out.
Hey Chuck I thought it was Korey, not Corey?
In Andy’s defense, I thought the announcing piece had to be read twice. The first time, there was just too much stuff in there for me to read. The second time through though I enjoyed it and thought it was good. Not Andy’s best stuff, but I’ve read (Or, as I’m sure the unoriginal guy claiming to be a fan club president would say, written) worse.
Moving on, I think a Red Sox World Series win would be one of the best things to happen for the Cubs.
The Red Sox spent around $125 million on payroll this season. The Sox decided to fill in the holes that the 2003 team had. Therefore, they went out and got Schilling and Foulke.
Also, Boston has spent a lot of resources improving their facilities. They added seats for this season, and next season they are updating their drainage system at Fenway and adding even more seats.
Now, the Cubs have improved in spending their available resources in recent years, however, they are still behind where they could be. The Cubs spent $91 million on payroll this season. But, if Anaheim can spend just short of $102 million, how come the Cubs can’t do the same? Granted, the Angels have a bigger stadium and a free-spending owner, but how can the second team in a market which is pretty comparable to Chicago spend $10 million more on payroll?
What the Tribune needs to do is find a way to renovate Wrigley to add on at least 1,000 seats AND increase payroll to $100 million. Now, the Cubs will never be the Yankees, but they don’t have to be. None of the other markets in the NL Central markets can keep up with Chicago if the Cubs decide to flex their financial muscle.
To conclude, what better way is there to convince the high-ups at the Tribune to pony up the money than to just show them what Boston has done? Boston, with their "curse", is two wins away from the World Series title. If the Red Sox get it done, there is no reason to believe the Cubs can’t. They just need to get aggressive, think smarter, and try harder.
Hey "Boers and Bersnstein" (aka. "Scared to Use My Real Name"): IT’S A JOKE!!! That was the point, you obtuse goof. You’re on the wrong site if you think it’s all serious, all the time.
Straw:
Doh!!!!
Lack of sleep from 3AM feedings and I go soft on Korey. Thanks for jolting me back to reality.
You’re welcome Khuck, I mean Chuck.
Sorry, Andy, I’m taken, but I do like Republicans!
"NBC News star Campbell Brown is taking undercover reporting to a new level. The sultry correspondent is dating former Bush White House adviser Dan Senor, we hear. Word is he and Brown have been dating since at least the Democratic National Convention. Brown has done several interviews with Senor. While declining to comment on Brown’s personal life, an NBC rep said it sees no conflict of interest in her covering the race for the White House."
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/gossip/story/244097p-209178c.html
Sweaty Eliza Dushku running through the woods? Getting tied to the bedposts? Brilliant!
Dave B, now you know what "sound bite" means. You lobbed them a softball and they took advantage of it. Those guys aren’t there to validate your opinions.
Your lives are all MINE now!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Shocking news: Lindsay Lohan hospitalized with "mysterious illness" (possibly meningitis).
http://www.tvguide.com/news/entertainment/
Re: #19 (Campbell Brown)
Someone posted a picture a few days ago of that Dan Senor guy that CB is dating, and my first thought was–without knowing who in the hell he was– was, "smarmy, repressed-looking skinny young bald guy? GOTTA be a Republican."
Whaddya know?
Lindsay’s ill? And the Sloth has been posting to a minimum….
Hmmmm……..
Why do you keep making fun of Izzy’s ears?
I like to think of them as love handles.
Nothin’ wrong with lil’ Lindsey that a few sutures can’t hold together…
go visit Tom Verducci’s latest column at SI. com. The Cardinal lover ripped off Andy’s "Lofton Curse" column.
I will get my Cubby Fan Club Membership revoked for saying it, but a part of me really wants to see the Red Sox fall flat. Against any other team, I’d cheer against the Sahx, but since it’s the Cardinals and the world’s greatest fans, I am doing a lukewarm cheer for Boston.
Why the hedging? Well, quite simply, Boston fans are insufferable and idiotic. Think of them as Yankee Fans East.
To wit: Boston already has the Super Bowl in their pocket and are looking to bag a third one in four years this January. Also, the Red Sox are as miserable as the Cubs when it comes to not bringing home the title and, as a Cubs fan, misery loves company. No way do I want Boston to sit and gloat about breaking their World Series drought before the Cubs can do it. It’s like getting picked last for the kickball team in 4th grade. Lo, the humiliation.
After it’s all over, I can take some solace in the knowledge that one set of fans is going to taste the bitter pill of crushing defeat. I still can’t throw my full weight (considerable as it is) behind Red Sox Nation.
I’m hoping Walker leads off with Barrett batting second so I can sell "God Squad" t-shirts in front of Wrigley.
1) Rip Torn–wouldn’t the YANKESS be the Yankees of the East?
2) From what I hear from various friends in the local bar/restaurant/hospitality industry, Barret and Walker referring to themsleves as Christians is hilariously ironic.
Make sure you give God his share. I do. I take each of my paychecks and convert it into a stack of $10 bills. I then tithe a portion of my salary by throwing all the bills into the air.
Whatever God wants, he keeps.
And Rip,
As a Cub fan I am way, way, WAY more worried about the WHITE Sox, not the Red Sox, winning a WS before the Cubs. I don’t know of any Red Sox fans in the area, so they’re sort of an abstract concept to me.
Hey Mike D. are you tryin’ to say that Jesus Christ can’t hang with the big dogs in the bar? Hell, us Christians invented gettin’ drunk on Saturday night and goin’ to church with a hangover.
Eddie,
Good ole’ J.C. strikes me as someone who would be hanging in the coffee shops in Amsterdam, if you know what I mean.
You wouldn’t believe this crappy hotel they’ve put us up in.
All they put out for us to eat is catfish nuggets.
The kid serving them has a worse complexion than Julian Tavarez, and a dirtier hat.
And, all the chicks around here look like Jason Isringhausen.
Leave me out of this, Harris.
Chuck,
I did something similar, except I converted my paycheck into quarters, put them in a sock and then hit my neighbor over the head with them because he kept parking in front of my house. Wait, what was I talking about?
That’s bad, CT.
That your paycheck in quarters can fit in your sock.
I also like the interview thing.
Maybe CT has really big feet. Or, they’re tube sox from the 70s.
Oh my God. I just heard a song on a Cedar Rapids country station that is entitled "Redbird Fever". It’s sung by white-trash country queen Gretchen Wilson and is sung to her recent "hit" "Redneck Woman" Apparently, Ms. Wilson grew up in a silo or something on the Illinois side near St. Louis. She’s also singing the National Anthem before Game 4, provided she doesn’t get acid reflux. However, she will give everyone else an upset stomach after you hear this song.
On a brighter note, Martina McBride will sing the Anthem tonight. Now that’s a singer.
You can take the skank out of the bar, but you can’t take the barskank out of the girl.
Nice trailer.
BC (#15) is wrong.
– Not everyone has to read Andy’s material twice to ‘get it.’ (Andy, don’t let BC’s unfair critique get to ya —– I actually think people just really, really enjoy the Dose.)
– Unless there are multiple BC fan clubs that I am unaware of, the president of the one and only officially recognized BC fan club is by definition, highly original.
Sloth, you rule! Though there is a lot to be said for Paris’ checking account and future inheritance, that even a cute little Aussie accent might have trouble competing with…
Sloth, they’re the huge tube socks with the 3 horizontal stripes.
Andy,
I laughed when I read your "they should go with no announcers on the sap" I also would pay money for that!!
Hey JD Drew, how can you serve Us while you have Satan as your agent?
Did anyone see the fag on the cellphone and wearing a visor waving his beer on the Fox pregame show? Go Pedro!
They had me stand right next to Rick Ankiel in the introductions.
Gretchen. Blue Jeans. Long Hair. Cheap trailer. My God, every downstate hick’s dream come true. Hell, I live in Evanston and **I** have the wood for Gretchen. Yummy.
Just how many chromosomes are missing from this crowd in The Urinal?? Geezus Keyrist, it’s the Special Olympics in Prime Time.
Schedule is out–
June 10-12: Boston visits Wrigley for three, Nomar crushes his ex-mates.
July 17-19: Cubs in the Bronx for three. Newest Cub Alex Rodriguez goes postal on his ex-mates. Ex-Cub Sammy Sosa, predictably, hits one home run and strikes out 11 times in the series.
Sept 29-Oct 2: Cubs close the season with four in the Juice Box. Michael Barrett pummels Roy Oswalt’s groin. Fat Roger slinks off to retirement with a 10-runs allowed performance. Ex-Troll Carlos Beltran wraps up his MVP season with his 50th and 51st home runs to go with his 54 steals, making him the first 50-50 guy. In the distance, Barry Bonds and Jose Canseco weep. Cubs storm into the playoffs with a ML-best 112-50 record.
Later in October: Cubs complete the Season of Destinyâ„¢ with a 4-game sweep of Anaheim in the World Series.
Discuss.
Of course, CalendarBoy means the Cubs will shift Nomar to 2B, giving them an infield of Ramirez, Rodriguez, Nomar and Lee. Brilliant!
OK, I knew Barrett was born again, but when did Walker make his piety known?
I run the bases better than these clowns!
Okay, so we’re home now and presumably eating the fancy schmany food we wanted and shit…so why are we still tanking it, Mr. Genius?
Jake,
Can we not have another p***-fest until we write competing college basketball previews?
You know, the previews where I pick two ACC teams to make the Final Four while you pick four ACC teams.
Also, you will predict that for the first time in history, Coach K will not only win the national coach of the year award but also be an All-American player at three positions for Duke.
All right, that was too long to be funny, wasn’t it?
Or maybe the material wasn’t that good?
Or maybe I should stop asking hypotheticals because someone will eventually answer them?
I’ll go back to watching World Series and seeing the Cardinals go down in flames now.
It would almost be like I didn’t say anything.
I’m back and I’m sure you are all very glad to her from me. I’m just sitting hear laughing until my lungs are raw about this Satanic Red Fowl game. I love watching these guys whiff against Pedro, especially Lassie boy. Can you say SWEEP!
But anyway, getting back to the offseason moves, are you kidding me? The Cubs getting Beltran? That’s a joke. We’re stuck with Sosa too. I’d like the idea of trading Korey and another minor leaguer to Seattle for Suzuki though. I think Chuck would agree on this, I’d give anything for Korey to go away. Get ready for Dempster to give a try at closer too if Sweaty Joe isn’t healthy by next year. We will sign Walker and Nomar though, which I like. I’d say we might as well be ready for a Dubois/Hollandsworth platoon in left. That is if Hollandsworth doesn’t have his leg amputated in the offseason. Is that guy ever going to get healthy. Maybe our new trainers can motivate these guys not to be such pussbags next year too. It’s more mental then physical with these guys. You just can’t feed and pamper their ego along with giving them frequent handjobs.
Whatever happens in this offseason, we will be stuck with the majority of the team that sucked down the stretch. I’m not sure what that will entail in the coming year. I’d say, don’t get to excited and worked up. Maybe these guys will be taking pointers from one hell of a determined Red Sox team. A team that beat the odds no matter what the situiation.
Finally, no matter what, we’re stuck with Dummy Dusty. That means, no matter what moves are made, that ignorant bastard will do whatever it takes in his power, to mismanage a very capable team. You wait and see, Dusty will be gone after next year. This guy won’t be able to handle himself and he definitely showed, he can’t handle this team.
"Uno, dos, tres, catorce!".
Who knew that Bono was singing how many games (14) that it would take before the Satanic Fowl to win a game.
Gretchen Wilson’s fake boobs wiil explode during the national Anthem tomorrow night. Skank.
Oh, god. Andy, if you’re still going with the Chip replacement interviews, please do one with a parody of Baker Basher.
Fox was just playing Avril Lavigne’s "So Much For My Happy Ending" going to commercial. A perfect song to describe the 2004 Cubs.
What the hell is wrong with fake boobs, Dave B? You stinking PINKO! Get the hell out of our country, wuss.
the best thing about Fox’ broadcast is seeing the looks on the faces of the world’s greatest fans. Morans. What will the excuses be NOW?
SWEEP! SWEEP! SWEEP! SWEEP!
if the Trib actually hires a competent PBP announcer for 2005, this would be a great opportunity to quietly retire the concept of guests singing the 7th inning stretch.
I can barely contain my glee at the collapse of the St.Louis Cardinals.
I’ve been browsing the St.Louis Post-Dispatch and the Cardinal media has certainly thrown in the towel. This quote from Jeff Gordon’s column "There is no disgrace in losing to the Red Sox. These guys aren’t the ’85 Royals or the ’87 Twins.".
I’ve got a quote for you, Gordo. "Show me a good loser, and I’ll show you a loser" — Leo Durocher.
We’re not giving up on the season.
http://www.thebrushback.com/astrosstillplaying_full.htm
I thought this for most of the season and not to say that these past three games prove anything, but they certainly lend more credence to a theory.
I believe the NL was down this year and the Cards were not necessarily a great team, but benefitted from a weaker league overall. Let’s face it, the Astros were left for dead in August and if not for some freakish turn of fate at home, would have never made it to the playoffs. The Braves won their division simply because the Phillies and Marlins imploded. The Dodgers got pantsed in the NLDS and the Giants and Padres didn’t have much to offer either.
Of course, we’ve talked the Cubs to death in this space. Damn them anyway.
In the AL, one could plausibly argue — with or without the use of Sabermetrics (TM) — that the Sawx and Yanks were both very good teams and that the Angels, A’s and Twins were also very strong teams, some of which could have done as well or better than the Cards did in the NL.
The essence of all of this is to say that what we’re seeing now is not a surprise — it was just a matter of time that a superior team would lay waste to St. Louis. There were no superior teams in the NL, so we had to rely on the AL to get it done.
Since both teams can’t lose, I have to agree with Andy and say that this outcome is acceptable for all Cub fans.
Walt and Reality make some great points. I, too, was chuckling at the faces of the Cardinal Nation last night. That’s what they get for a year of talking crap to Cub fans. My co-worker is gone today to go to Game 4. He put on the board "Gone 10/26- World Series". I crossed it out and put "Funeral".
Gordon is right that it’s no disgrace to lose to these Red Sox. It was a disgrace to lose to the ’85 Royals and ’87 Twins, teams I’ve often called the worst World Series champs in modern history.
Reality is right in his assessment of the NL. That’s what makes the Cubs’ collapse so much harder to take.
Fire up the Hot Stove!!!
Hey, D.B., Darryl Motley was on that ’85 team… Respect!!!
At least no one will get killed at our celebration.
Yeah. That’s it.
I’ve been hired by the satanic red fowl to perform a procedure tonight.
Hey, the 1987 Twins weren’t that bad!
We did boo our team and throw stuff on the field yesterday though.
The 1987 Twins were one of the greatest TEAMS in WS history – yes, Dave B, they were not the greatest individually. But they played the game like this years Boston team did – you could tell they just loved the game and each other.
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