Oy vey!
What’s the old saying, “You can’t fire 25 players, so it’s just easier to fire the manager?” Sometimes, you’d like to do both. In the Cubs’ case, they seem loathe to deal with Dusty Baker and his comedic inability to fill out a lineup card, but that didn’t stop them from getting everybody’s attention.

Is it a coincidence that immediately after “firing” centerfielder Corey Patterson, the Cubs’ team looked anew this weekend in Florida?

No more three pitch innings, no more swinging from the ass at anything near home plate. The bullpen still looked like it emerged from a vat of toxic waste, but you couldn’t help but notice the change in the offense.

Part of the improvement was that Corey’s replacement, Jerry Hairston was actually getting on base, which not only helps out the offense, but is a nice change of pace.

But that didn’t explain the Cubs’ wearing Dontrelle Willis to a frazzled knot by taking pitch after pitch after pitch. It didn’t explain the way they actually let Al Leiter pitch his way into his own trouble on Sunday. It didn’t explain the way they jumped Guillermo Mota like a rich guy in an alley.

What Jim Hendry did had to resonate with the players. He called up two of the young Cubs and said, “If we’re going to lose, and you’re going to half-ass your way through the rest of the season, you get to do it someplace else.”

There are some important things to remember. Number one, the Marlins aren’t very good. They’re 18-26 in their last 44 games and going nowhere, fast. Number two, it’s just three games, all played in front of about 17 fans (12 of which were Cubs fans) and with the Marlins just hoping the Hurricane would graze the east coast of Florida so they could get an extra couple days jump on their All-Star Break.

The Cubs are still faced with more problems than solutions.

Dusty Baker’s still making out the lineup as though Neifi Perez can actually play. Wait, that’s an exaggeration, it’s not like he batted Neifi sixth on Friday or anything…no, wait, he did.

It’s not like Dusty said that he had to play Todd Hollandsworth instead of Matt Murton on Sunday because he didn’t want Todd to have almost a week off since he’s “been so hot.” First of all, he said this about an hour after Todd had gotten just as many at bats as Murton (two) in Saturday’s win. Secondly…Todd’s been hot? Why didn’t anybody tell us? By all means, you ought to lead him off then! Let him get a few more ABs!

The bullpen’s horrific-ness was hidden for most of the eight game losing streak. For the first seven games, the Cubs never had a lead, meaning that when the bullpen came in the cause was already lost and we didn’t notice that they can’t throw strikes. Then, Roberto Novoa had the misfortune of pooping himself while the Cubs’ had a lead, and then Mike Wuertz did it on Friday and that reminded us all just how lousy they are.

The Cubs are 43-44, which is a joke. This team has too much talent, regardless of their flaws to be under .500 at the All-Star Break.

Even when the Cubs were incredibly lousy like in 1998 and 2001 they had the good sense to ride great seasons by Sammy Sosa into contention. Here are the current Cubs, better equipped than either of those crapfests and Derrek Lee is having the half-season of a lifetime and they’re 43-44.

They ought to be embarrassed. Three wins at the Fish Farm can’t cover that stench.

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There is apparently some debate, still, over whether Albert Pujols or Derrek Lee is having the better year. That’s absurd.

Geniuses like Joe Morgan and Phil Rogers say that because the Cardinals are in first place and the Cubs are in third, that Albert’s better than Derrek.

But according to my math, Derrek has a better batting average, more homers, more RBI, more doubles, a higher on base average, a higher slugging percentage, is a faster, better baserunner and a much better defensive player than Albie.

So other than offense and defense, Albert’s got it all on Derrek. Oh, and Albie has a huge lead on Derrek in runs scored. Albie has 70. Derrek has 69.

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What are we, as Cubs’ fans to make of the new additions? We’d heard that Matt Murton was a good hitter with a knack for getting on base, and he’s done nothing in seven plate appearances to dispel that notion. As for the Hebrew Hammer, Adam Greenberg, he’s had one pitch thrown at him and he only saw about half of it before it slammed into the back of his noggin.

If there’s a knock on Murton it’s that he’ll never hit for power, but power is usually the last skill a player develops, and he hasn’t exactly been Tony Gwynn, Jr. in the minors. Murton’s hit plenty of doubles which is a good sign and his share of homers.

Watching him on the bases, it’s clear he’s now the only Cub with a clue, as he actually take the the time to locate each outfielder before each pitch so he’ll know if he can score from second on a single or go first to third. What a novel concept.

As for Greenberg, all we know is that he must be really annoying on the bench. Before he got brained by a Valerio de los Santos fastball late Saturday night, we were treated to shots of him on the bench holding a bat and talking incessantly to everybody and anybody sitting near him.

We also noticed that Murton puts his arm around anybody he sits next to. It didn’t seem that odd when he was sitting next to Greenberg, but the sight of a 23 year old in his first game sitting with his arm around Greg Maddux was a little…strange.

And, he’s going to have to stop talking like this, if he and Greenberg want to avoid being referred to as the Cubs’ Ambiguously Gay Duo.

We couldn’t get to sleep last night, knowing we were going to get an opportunity to come here and play with this great team.

I know you are friends, and I’m sure you weren’t in the same bed, but…just lay off the “we’s” for a while, kid.

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The White Sox are 1-5 against the A’s this year and 11-34 against them since 2001. But that’s OK because the A’s are sure to be better than anybody the Sox play in the playoffs this year…right?

By the way, the most telling comment about the Corey Patterson “firing” was this from Gene Clines. He was asked if Corey had been receptive to suggestions made by Gene about changing his swing and approach at the plate. Cline’s answer? “He has to be now, doesn’t he?”