Am I the only one who thinks the Dallas Mavericks are going to win the NBA title? I think it’s just me, Mark Cuban and Blackie Sherrod. Now, there’s a threesome for you. I’ll bet Annika Sorenstam wouldn’t want to spend four hours on a golf course with us. Anyway, the pessimist in me says that Dallas needed to make 49 of 50 free throws to beat San Antonio. But it’s not like there was huge free throw discrepancy. The Spurs shot 48 free throws. A memo, to the NBA though. If Dallas isn’t going to play any defense—and they aren’t—stop calling so many fouls. I can’t take three hour basketball games.

Before we get further into this part of the Dose, you have to see why I made the ‘fro reference.

Check out Michael Jackson’s new ‘do. That is definitely a don’t.

Speaking of bad hair (segue alert!), how about Steve Nash? It’s hard not to like this guy. Sure, he could use a comb, and little shampoo wouldn’t hurt, but you put Captain Caveman with Dirk Nowtizki and not only do you get the Lenny and Squiggy of the NBA, but you get a pretty potent 1-2 punch. Now that Michael Finley is back and playing like he did before he got hurt, I really think the Mavs can take the Spurs. But then, I’m a dope.

Eduardo Najera missed the Mavs first free throw and then they made 49 in a row. Forty-nine! The Cavs couldn’t run a layup line that would net them 49 in a row. That’s impressive.

Tonight, we get game two of the Pistons-Nets, or as we refer to this series at the Desipio Tower–Tylenol PM. Don’t get me wrong. I like defense. I just don’t want it on my TV when I don’t have a rooting interest in the game. I want end-to-end, chuck it up without conscience basketball like when Sacto and Dallas hook up. But we’re done with Brent Musberger, right? So that’s one redeeming factor.

Have I stalled enough? Do I have to write about the Cubs throwing another game into the outfield from the pitchers mound, yesterday? How does this happen? I’m not even going to get into it again today. But let’s just say that if you take away the three E1’s in the Cardinals series, the Cubs have a very good chance of sweeping. Three-of-four at the very least. And oh, by the way. It sure looked to me like the Cubs missed Sammy over the weekend.

On a related note, I have seen prized Cubs’ outfield prospect Felix Pie (prounounced Pee-ay, but really it should be pronounced, “Mmm…pie.”) the last three nights. He’s barely 18 (that’s sick–he was born in 1985! and he’s at single-A Lansing. He’s a stud. He reminds me of a very young Vlad Guerrero. Last night, Felix scored from second base on a wild pitch. From SECOND BASE! He ran into the catcher and went boom, and left the game (Lansing was up 7-1 in the eighth), but he’s apparently OK. I rarely get giddy about prospects at that low of a level, but even Ray Charles can see how good this kid is going to be. That and the fact that every pitcher that Lansing has trotted out in three games has thrown gas, and most of them are lefthanded. Mark my words, some day we’ll nominate Jim Hendry for sainthood. The Cubs future is so sickeningly bright, I have to remind myself they’re the Cubs. This, of course, is a very good thing.

If you’re a Cardinal, White Sock, Brewer or Astro fan, buckle up for a ten year period in which the world as you know it is about to flip 180 degrees. After 95 years of taking it in the backside like Andy Dufresne did from the Sisters, the Cubs are poised to drop the hammer on Chicago and the National League for a long time. It’s not going to be pretty. Unless you’re riding shotgun on the Cubs Bandwagon. Yee haw.

Later today, you’ll get a full-sized edition of our Cubs Report. It’s been a while. Too long, actually. So you’ve got that to look forward to. Which is nice.

Longtime friend of Desipio Kelly Dwyer submitted this link for all of you Steely Dan fan(s) out there. Kelly, is of course, a Cardinals fan, but we won’t hold that against him. He’s in for a rough decade. Anyway, “Are you reeling in the years? Are you stowing away the time?”

Phil Rogers decided to irritate us again with another simplistic “baseball expert” column. Does any national baseball expert at a large daily newspaper know less about baseball than Phil? He picks now, NOW, of all times to opine that the Cubs didn’t let Don Baylor have enough of a chance. He also lauds the merits of Sox double-A (and world class redass) manager Wally Backman, pointing out how many bases Wally’s teams steal. Uh, Phil? Jeff Torborg’s Marlins stole bases left and right, and now Jack McKeon has Jeff’s job. You might want to rethink that point you seem to be trying to make. Sigh.

Take it from someone who did this for a prominent national Web site for two years, these power ranking lists are pointless, boring to write and even worse to read. Imagine how bad Phil Rogers’ is going to be.

Carlos Zambrano says that maybe the Cubs pitcher’s need some more fielding practice. Gee, Carlos, ya think?

Personally, I’d like to see Pulpo go an inning without giving up a run or two or three before he demands his old job back.

The Sox fired their hitting coach and lost 12-2. That worked out pretty well. How long before Sox pitching coach Don Cooper hits the road? Admit it, if I hadn’t put “Sox pitching coach” Don Cooper, you’d have had no idea who Don Cooper was. Everything I hear his name I think it should immediately follow with Ford-Lincoln-Mercury. “Here at Don Cooper Ford-Lincoln-Mercury we’ve got a half dozen of those new Thunderbirds!”

Greg Walker is the new hitting coach. How long before he seizes on the field again? If you thought that joke was inappropriate, how about Teddy Greenstein using the word tongue in his lead paragraph?

KC Johnson is back from making barbecue sauce and he has some info about the Bulls lottery chances.

Mariotti puts down the doughnut for a horribly tepid Annika Sorenstam piece. This whole thing is boring enough, you’d think Jay could at least advocate she fire her caddy or something. I mean, come on, Jay, you haven’t called for anybody’s head in almost 24 hours. You’re losing your touch.

Sammy’s about to get a status report on his Hulka. Sir, yes, sir!

John Paxson is going to be cautious. Maybe he could trade a lottery pick and five good players to Minnesota for Kevin Garnett?!?

Jeff Van Gundy wants to coach the Cavs. Man, he’s been sniffing Marv Albert’s toupee paste, hasn’t he?

Is it just me, or is the Wizard of Roz trying to take credit for the Cubs pitching staff?

Peter Gammons muses about the glut of Cubbie pitching.

Peter takes a stroll around baseball with his Diamond Notes. I have no idea what he’s talking about in six of these.

Jeff Garcia just a got a new best friend. Now he gets to torch Jason Sehorn twice a season, at least. Angie’s not going to like St. Louis. Time to stock up on the Old Spice fellas, she’ll be on the market soon.

The Big East commish is a little worried. Well, duh.

Peter King spins around the NFL.

More ridiculous power ranking stuff, but they say nice stuff about the Cubs.

Ted Casablanca’s gay (as in happy) gossip fest.

A Phoenix girl was killed by ants. Not aunts, mind you, ants. “Hey, Claudeen, where’s the baby?” “Oh, I left her sleepin on the ant pile!”

Nicole Kidman wants to retire. But not before she makes “Days of Thunder, Too!” OK, I made that last part up.

I think the NY Post made this up, just to try and keep up with the NY Times.

The world’s greatest newspaper found a meat tree in England. Well, of course they did.