The biggest shame of the 2005 Cubs season was that their removal from the pennant race in July (probably more like April) meant that Cubs fans were robbed of a chance to see the great Henry Blanco in action when the games meant the most.
Last night, down South America way (as Gob Bluth is apt to say), the world was treated to Hank White at his most clutch.
Down 4-3 in the ninth inning of the decisive game of the Carribbean World Series, who should stroll to plate for the Venezuelan nine?
Our hero, Hank White. With his eyes full of sleep from a good three hour power nap in the home dugout at Jose Perez Colmenares in his home nation, he strolled to the plate with a chance to etch his name in the record book for eternity.
Hank didn’t hold in his hands one of those weird heated screwdriver things that my brother used to use to carve his name into…well, anything. No, Hank had 34 inches of fresh lumber. (By the way, I’m still kicking myself for not plunking down the $100 the Cubs wanted for a game-used Henry Blanco bat. Sure, the price is absurd, but you had to see it. He doesn’t just have his name etched in the bat, he has his headshot. It’s beyond hilarious. Anyway, where was I?)
Oh, yeah…Hank the hero.
You can see it right here. Look halfway down the page on the far left under Video. First you’ll see Venezuela wins, which shows Hank’s heroics, then click on Venezuela celebrates and you’ll be struck by how much cooler their celebration music is than anything Ford Field played for the Steelers.
Here’s MLB.com’s Jesse Sanchez’s account of the big game.
And here’s the high point.
Down, 4-3, in the ninth, Baltimore catcher Ramon Hernandez, named the Caribbean Series MVP, led off the bottom of the frame with a single and was immediately replaced by pinch-runner William Bergolla. The moved proved to be a wise one because Bergolla advanced to second on a sacrifice bunt and tied the game at 3 when he rambled home on Gonzalez’s single to right field.
He would not stay at first long.
Cubs catcher Henry Blanco followed with a high popup to shallow left field between Dominican shortstop Erick Aybar and left fielder Napoleon Calzado. Backpedaling and seemingly confused, the ball hit Aybar’s head and rolled away. Gonzalez sped around the bases to send Venezuela’s Caracas Baseball Club into the record books.
The cheers were thunderous.
Of course the cheers were thunderous. Hank White was on the case. The game was over the minute he, his mighty piece of ash and his tastefully appointed mullet dug into the box. There are three hitters you don’t want to face with a big game on the line.
1. Derek Jeter
2. Big Papi
3. Hank White
The great ones rise to the occasion. The even greater ones, like our man Hank, drag the occasion down to their level. That’s how you win your country a championship by banking a double off the shortstop’s head.
Jeter’s a great clutch player, but how many World Series has he ended with a ball off the button of the shortstop’s cap?
Papi’s a legend for his postseason heroics, but any hump can blast one oppo over the Green Monster if he tries hard enough.
What Hank White did last night in the 40 watt lighting at a stadium named, apparently, after Neifi Perez’s other brother (not Rubby, but Jose, the one who moved to Venezuela and opened a successful chain of Pontiac dealerships), wasn’t just difficult, it was legendary.
Viva Hank White!
Indeed.
Viva Hank White.
“The great ones rise to the occasion. The even greater ones, like our man Hank, drag the occasion down to their level.”
best…line…ever
(or at least in 2006)
Tirico has always been pretty decent on the Thursday night college games on ESPN and Theisman is a buffoon. The wildcard is the bald orange guy. I hope he’s just halfway decent and gets into it with Theisman like Paul McGuire always did. I loved the hatred between those two (either real or imagined).
I am the best broadcaster in Chicago, and since Rooney is gone, the next best is Len Kasper and then Pat Foley
Hank White will return to your “United States” and bring and end to democracy!!!
I actually had a stronger take on Neil Funk, but in it I made an unfortunate (even for this place) Derrick Dickey joke, that I immediately deleted. For the record, I think Neil is Funkin’ Tremendous.
And I do think that Funkin’ Dickey would be the great name for a Humble Pie cover band.
I enjoyed the photo captions in this one. Well worth the hover.
Where’s the fucken love for Andy Pafko, you little pukes!
“Spring training opens officially next week, which should give us all a heavy dose of optimism.”
I’d settle for a daily dose of Doses.
Screw you, Funk. Wait till I get someone coherent with whom to do the radio call.
This is crazy stuff. Would you do this to ensure the Cubs win the world series?
What KD neglected to mention is, most Knick fans just kind of look at each other and sigh. We’ve been doing this ever since Ernie Grunfeld got shown the door, and John Starks was trying to beat the Rockets with shots from the snack bar.
…doesn’t make any sense. Normally, when you trade a veteran with minimal skills (Davis) for a versatile scorer still in the prime of his career (Rose), you have to give up other considerations such as cash and draft picks to get the deal done.
But in this case, Toronto gave up Rose, and the $3m, and the #1. And yes, they only received Antonio Davis in return.
Hadn’t Pete Babcock already been fired?
Maybe 3 years ago this deal would have made sense – the cRaptors have no veteran bigs (poor old Aaron Williams cannot walk) and Messers Sow and Aruajo are so woeful its embarrasing. So adding a Charles Oakley type to help Bosh in the trenches is logical. But AD is 37 years old, over-paid, and doesn’t want to be there… Even if you’d received the first rounder instead of giving it up it wouldn’t be a wise move.
At least his contract expires this summer.
“At least his contract expires this summer.”
That’s why the cRaptors did it. The only reason.
Nobody is going to disrespect Andy Pafko while I am around, and hopefully that will be a few more years.
Don’t worry, Geezer. Andy had his eyes open looking for Andy Pafko, Phil Cavaretta and Kiki Cuyler at the Cubs Convention. Even though we’re sure Cuyler died years ago, I I thought I saw him having an Old Style with Beckert and Tim Stoddard.
There’s an ESPN announcer nicknamed The Anti-Christ and it’s not me?
Screw you, stupid kids!
Wooppee I just my Hank White fan club tee shirt llast week.
I too wonder who’s the Anti-Christ… is Jim Rome doing games now?