Seriously, there are omens and then there are Omens. Today, Shawn Estes is Damian. Yikes.

If you’re a Houston Astro, or a moronic simulation thereof, you might as well start packing for the offseason now. If you can’t pick up a game on a day when the Giants start their junior varsity against your best pitcher, and the Cubs start the highly flammable Shawn Estes…it’s just not your year.

Don’t worry though, Chip Caray is already planning to fly to Houston on Sunday night to help console Craig Biggio on the death of his season.

Shawn Estes not only won the game, he threw a four-hit shutout. But that’s not all. He got two hits and reached base three times in four at bats. At one point he called off both Randall Simon and E-ramis Ramirez and took charge of a pop-up all by himself. Pitchers don’t catch popups! They do when they’re superstar Shawn Estes.

It was a nice start for the Cubs. Despite an incredible diving catch on the warning track by some guy named Ryan Freel, you could tell the Cubs were going to pummell Josh Hall in his second start against them in about ten days. Estes got lots of groundballs early and Samuel Peralta Sosa told the weasely media to put their slump up their hiney with a homer in the third.

True story: I not only called Sammy’s homer in the third, I called the exact pitch. I was pretty proud of myself.

But what were the odds on Estes going the route? What were the odds that suddenly we’d all be pulling for him? Admit it, there was a time, somewhere around the seventh inning when you thought, “Wait, if he pitches well enough, he’s going to get a start in the playoffs! NO!” I now I had that thought. But no. Dusty’s lots of things, and dumb’s not one of them.

A lot has been made of the Cubs decision to move Matt Clement up from Saturday to Friday and have The Franchise pitch on Saturday. It makes sense for the following reasons:
1) Clement only went four innings in his last start, and apparently his groin feels better. Holding him until Saturday would give him six days off and Dusty has nightmares of a “too strong” Clement walking the Pirates like a merry-go-round in the first inning.
2) It sets up The Franchise and Woody to pitch the last two games of the season, and the Cubs might need them to win to get in the playoffs, or a one-game playoff to get into the playoffs.
3) On the off chance the Brewers pummel the Astros tonight and tomorrow, the Cubs could clinch on Friday night and either skip Prior altogether on Saturday or only have him throw four or five innings and ready to go as early as game two in the playoffs.
4) The Astros-Brewers game was moved up from a 7:00 p.m. start to a Fox noon start, meaning the Cubs will know early on in Saturday’s game (3 p.m. start) if they’ve won it, or still need to chip some magic numbers off. If they win it, Dusty can pack The Franchise in mothballs after a few innings and let Sergio Meat Tray come in for a pounding.
5) Every time the Cubs have gotten an extra day of rest for The Franchise, he’s pitched lights out. Of course, he normally pitches lights out regardless.
6) If the Cubs finish up on Saturday and clinch a playoff spot, the Cubs can bump Woody on Sunday and have a playoff rotation of
Division Series game 1) Kerry Wood, 2) Carlos Zambrano, 3) Mark Prior, 4) Matt Clement, 5) Kerry Wood
NLCS 1) Prior, 2) Zambrano 3) Wood, 4) Prior, 5) Clement, 6) Zambrano, 7) Prior.
World Series 1) Wood, 2) Clement, 3) Prior, 4) Zambrano, 5) Wood, 6) Clement, 7) Prior.

Hmm.

And if you want to rip Dusty for setting up a rotation for the NLCS, isn’t the pennant what we’re after?

Last time I checked, it was.

And as of the morning of September 25, things are going pretty well.

—

The long-awaited, much anticipated season opener for Ed was on last night. At times last year the show stalled and sputtered, but last night was pretty good. The dialogue was funnier than it had been last year, and any show that can make a woman holding a live dog in front of her face and treating it like a puppet funny, deserves some mention. Oh and Ed finally got to screw Carol. (I’m a romantic, ain’t I?) And of course, it was bad. Are you kidding me? He’d been pining for this woman for 20 years, she could have stabbed him in the neck with a stiletto and it would have been good.

The West Wing is also off to a much better start than it was at any time last year, and a lot of it has to do with some of the staffers finally getting a little comeuppance. You get tired of their holier than thou sermonizing and posturing. It’s nice to see them get slapped around once and a while. And I’d vote for John Goodman for president over Martin Sheen any day. King Ralph as president? Seems logical to me.

I then tuned in for the last hour of The Bachelor with our good buddy fat Bob from The Bachelorette. Bob is back to his fighting weight and they picked 25 hotties for him to choose from. Granted, I only watched an hour, but I picked the winner out already.

She’s Kristi, she’s from Chicago, she’s hot and she wants to win.

Then, there’s Kelly, from Michigan. She’s most likely to have sex with Bob on camera.

And in the most troubling development, one of the girls was MoJo from Joe Millionaire!

OK, not really. This is Mojo.

The one from last night is Antoinette. But their voices are identical. Creepy, and very disturbing.

—

Shawn Estes’ last start (God, let’s hope it was) was a great one. Thanks, Shawn. We’ll see you at the ring ceremony.

Dusty assures us there’s a method to his rotation madness. Hey, didn’t I just explain it?

Sammy doesn’t think the Reds were throwing at him. I just liked the looks of his homer and his walk. I think Sammy’s going to slam the door shut on the Astros the next four days. Muahahahahahaha!

Mike Downey feels good about the Cubs feel good story.

Phil Rogers must be stopped. Check out this beauty. “Houston, which ended its own four-game losing streak on the strength of a pinch-hit single by Jose Vizcaino, should take three out of four from Milwaukee. If it does that, it would take only one misstep by the Cubs against Cincinnati or Pittsburgh to leave Baker’s men in a one-game playoff against the Astros Monday at Wrigley.”

What? The Cubs have a one-game lead. If the Astros win three of four against the Brewers and the Cubs lose one game in their last four, guess what happens? The Cubs take a champagne bath on Sunday. Nice math skills, there Phil. Let’s hope you balance your checkbook more accurately than this.

Brian Urlacher says he “gets to meet some cool people.” Paris Hilton’s not a cool person. She’s a hot, incredibly rich, walking veneral disease. Run away, Brian. Run away.

Greg Couch says the Estes win means it’s all good from here on out for the Cubs.

Mike Imrem says the Cubs are like those Brazilian kids who played in the cow diarrhea only to find it was chocolate. OK, he didn’t really say that.

The Wizard of Roz wonders if Bucky F. Dent will manage the Sox next f. year?

Sports Guy answers his mail. Check out the one about Jay Williams and Grant Hill. Very nice.

David Boston may be completely insane.

Ah-nuld vas in da debate last nite, und he own-we vants vhat’s best for Cal-ee-four-ne-yah.

Rudy’s going to run for something after 2004. President? Baseball commissioner? Hair Club for Men president?

You know how on King of Queens, Kevin James plays a fat guy with a hot wife? Well, in real life he’s going to be a fat guy with a hot wife. Only, in reality he’s a multi-millionaire, which is how a fat guy gets a hot wife.

Calvin Schiraldi’s in Cuba!

Mother says I should accept her pension checks. Oh, she’s up in the chateau. See her in the window?

Wait, setting ten year old boys on fire with paint cans is illegal? Really? Oops. Since when?

Wait, is this tonight’s CSI?

America’s finest news source says the US Government is going to stop investing in our nation’s youth because the yields just aren’t good enough.