I’ll defend Bill Cartwright’s right to bench Jamal Crawford and Jalen Rose to the bitter end. I have no problem with him sitting down his two prima donnas who don’t know a good shot from a bad one, and who only play defense when they feel like it.

But if you watched the Nuggets, the relatively talentless, hapless, Nuggets beat the Bulls last night, you saw what we’ve been saying for a long time now. Bill can’t coach.

When the great Jeff Bzdelik is outcoaching you, it’s time to see if you can find a job in Bulls’ front office. They must need somebody other than BJ Armstrong to go to supermarket openings.

The Bulls take the worst shots in the history of the world. If it’s not Jamal and Jalen tossing up 20 footers with :12 left on the shot clock, it’s Kendall Gill and Scottie Pippen passing up open ten footers to let Jalen and Jamal throw up those 20 footers.

If I see the Bulls come down the floor one more timewith some stiff like Francisco Elson trying to check Eddy Curry, only to watch Jalen fire up a bad jumper before Eddy can even get into the post, I’m going to start throwing things at the TV.

The Bulls can even screw up a simple defensive rotation. Last night, down by two with less than two minutes to go, they managed to rotate on defense so that Kirk Hinrich was guarding Nene in the low post. Nene is only 6’11. That seems like a wise switch.

I understand that Bill Cartwright’s hands are tied by a number of factors. He needs to win games to save his job, so completely benching Jalen and Jamal is not an option. He doesn’t have a healthy Tyson Chandler or Marcus Fizer and that’s put a burden on Eddy and Lonny Baxter that’s just not productive.

But Bill’s attempts at discipline, while well intentioned always come off hamhanded.

In fact, Jamal confirmed it. “Sometimes, when he disciplines me. It’s like he has hams for hands.”

Need I say more?

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Baseball fans in general need to be patient. The rumors are flying, which is always fun, but don’t expect much in the way of trades to happen until the first week in December, and don’t expect any free agent signings of any importance until after December 20.

The winter meetings start on December 2 and that’s when some trades will start to happen. But December 20 is the last day to offer salary arbitration to players. Once that date passes, teams will know what kind of compensation they need to give for signing which players.

The Cubs benefitted a couple years ago from the impatience of the Texas Rangers. Undecided about whether to offer Todd “Pockface” Van Poppel arbitration, the Cubs saw him sign with Texas before the deadline. So they decided, “Hey, let’s offer him arbitration now!” Since Todd already had signed a contract with Texas, he couldn’t accept, but the Rangers had to send a draft pick to the Cubs as compensation, anyway.

The rumors this time of year are always doozies.

There’s one of a three-way swap that would send Alex Rodriguez to Boston, Nomar Garciaparra to Anaheim and David Eckstein and some pitching prospects to Texas. Sure, whatever.

The Rangers are trying to talk Roger Clemens out of retirement, and he hasn’t even really started it yet.

The Diamondbacks are trying to cut payroll and trade for Richie Sexson. That won’t work. Besides, if the Brewers trade Richie to Phoenix for Lyle Overbay, Junior Spivey, John Patterson and Danny Bautista, all four Brewers fans will cancel their season tickets.

The Cubs are anxiously awaiting how things shake out in Minnesota. The Twins want to keep LaTroy Hawkins, Eddie Guardado and Shannon Stewart and may have to trade arbitration ready AJ Pierzynski to do it. So the Cubs may need to decide whether to bid big on Hawkins or Guardado, or hope those two go back to Minnesota, making a lefty hitting All-Star catcher available. Given that the Yankees are going after Hawkins, too, the Cubs might as well make an offer to LaTroy.

Bruce Miles suggests in the Daily Herald today that Juan Cruz and Paul Bako might be enough to get AJ. Terry Ryan’s not that dumb. Is he? Let’s find out!

Miles uses some faulty math in his assertion that the Cubs current $55 million payroll owed to only eight players for next year (Sosa, Gonzalez, Alou, Prior, E-ramis, Wood, Clement, Remlinger) means they only can sign one big free agent. He says that because they owe a combined six million to Miller, Regular Joe and The Farns, their hands are tied. That still leaves THIRTY million dollars. The rest of the roster, (guys like Patterson, Choi, Cruz, Kelton, Wellemeyer, etc.) are all non arbitration eligible guys who are locked in to $300K to $500K contracts).

I’m not sure which $30 million free agent that Miles thinks the Cubs are going to sign is. You could very likely sign Mark Grudzielanek and Kenny Lofton for a combined $7 million. Leaving $23 million for three more free agents. If you decide to keep arbitration eligible Randall Simon, he only made 600K last year, so even if he triples his salary in arbitration that’s “only” $1.8 million.

So don’t fret Cubs fans. Not yet anyway.

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How would I spend the money you ask? I’m glad you did.

I’d give $34 million to myself and then sign Jenna Von Oy for the other two million to be the new “ballgirl.”

But that would require Ramon Martinez letting her wear number six, of course.

I can practically see myself getting the executive of the year award, already.

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Bruce Miles’ forehead with his take on the Cubs’ offseason plans.

So last year the Bulls couldn’t win on the road, and now they can’t win at home? Woof.

Tyson thinks he’ll be back tomorrow.

KC Johnson says that Bill Cartwright never shrinks away from a problem. How about a coaching clinic?

I love them both, but the Illini and Irish are both overrated in the first men’s basketball poll.

Groucho thinks Carmelo might be good. Hey, that’s why they pay Groucho the big bucks.

Mariotti puts down the doughnut to tell the Bulls they are acting like babies. That’ll show ’em.

The baseball writers got one Rookie of the Year right (Angel Berroa) and one tragically, tragically wrong (Dontrelle? Really?).

The mighty fighting Huskies of NIU remember how close they were to the MAC title game last year. Forty-one seconds, to be exact.

A baseball world cup (which would be freakin’ great) could happen as soon as the spring of 2005.

If you didn’t enjoy watching the ball flutter helplessly out of Hillbilly Brett’s hand last night to lose the game for Green Bay…well, you don’t know good football. The only way it would have been better is if he’d fallen down and broken both legs.

ESPN’s “experts” with their postseason baseball awards.

OK, if the Rangers really are “shopping” A-Rod. I’ll send Kerry Wood to Texas for him. I love Kerry, but it’s freakin’ A-Rod. He’s only the best shortstop…ever.

Jim Reeves says that Rafael Palmeiro needs to stop worrying about money so damned much. By the way, did you know Jim Reeves has a fan club in The Netherlands?

Manny Ramirez doesn’t care that the Red Sox tried to release him. Uhh…that’s kind of the point.

The Red Sox are looking to try to trade for Curt Schilling, Jarrod Washburn or Freddy Garcia.

Larry Wayne Jones is worried he might get traded. Don’t worry, Larry, every Major League city has a Hooters.

Here’s where the Sox are screwed. The Mets want Billy Koch, but only if Kenny Williams will take useless, expensive Roger Cedeno. If the Sox balk, the Mets will just sign Keith Foulke. Hee hee.

Scott Boras wants five years, $50 million for I-Rod. How do you say, “Screw that” in Spanish?

The Orioles are after Vlad Guerrero, Richie Sexson, Jim Edmonds or Tino Martinez. I’ll bet they get none, or Tino, which is like getting less than nothing.

The Yankees are offering Andy Pettitte four years and $48-$52 million, but his agents want a fifth year. Sure, the Astros have a shot. Whatever.

The Brewers might have to operate with a $30 million payroll…the next three years. Muahahahahahaha!

The Bulls have talked to the Raptors about swapping Eddie Robinson for Jerome Williams. That’d be nice if Jerome didn’t suck.

Dan LeBatard says it’s not Wanny’s fault. Sorry Dan, it’s always Wanny’s fault.

Jim Fassel and Dick Jauron can carpool to the unemployment office together. Don’t forget to swing by and pick up Wanny.

Deion really thinks he can coach. It’s not that hard. He probably can.

Dude. Man.

X-tina has bronchitis. So many throat jokes, so little time.

Hustler’s got topless pictures of 90 pound war “hero” Jessica Lynch. Are we sure it’s her, or maybe it’s Haley Joel Osment?

CNN apparently “planted” the stupid Mac or PC question at the “Rock the Vote” Democratic debate. Who cares?

Apparently Howard Kurtz does.

If you watch K-Street like I do (and admittedly, the show sucks ass) you have some idea what this whole Matt Drudge versus the show thing is. But just “some” idea.

You know, HBO always has good shows. OK, normally. I mean some shows have been awful, “Sex and the City” is horribly overrated, “Mind of the Married Man” was a bomb and “Arliss” was the worst show, ever. But lately, shows like “Six Feet Under”, “The Wire” and “Curb Your Enthusiasm” have been “Sopranos” quality good. Not this fall. “Carnivale” is horrible and “K Street” is pretty mediocre. When you find yourself hoping for a new “Project Greenlight” you know things are sad.

Paris Hilton’s tape is all over the Internet.

Newsfilter.org claims to have it. But what they have could be any skinny blonde girl screwing a guy with a night vision camera. So yeah, it’s probably her.

A lovely couple fed some toddlers cat poop and human vomit. How nice.

Is this a condom in my chowder, or are you just happy to see me?

America’s finest news source with the tale of some Orland Park kids who are waiting for somebody to attack their cool tree fort.