Just what do we think the original caption was? I shudder to think.
The rumors continue to fly concerning the two biggest names left on the trade block, and like always, the Cubs are prominently mentioned, though also like always, probably not prominently involved.
In the newest scenario, the Cubs could benefit from the Red Sox’s dearth of top prospects and land (hold your breath) both Nomar Garciaparra and Randy Johnson.
But first, check out reason number 122,456 why the WNBA is big with female softball players.
The Red Sox want to trade for a starting pitcher and they desperately want it to be Randy Johnson. Randy, if you’re new here, is the pituitary freak of a lefty pitcher who wins Cy Young Awards by the bucketfull and even at 40 years old can still bring the heat. The Diamondbacks want a collection of soon-to-be-Major-League-ready prospects for Randy, and the Red Sox don’t have that.
Plan B for Boston is to try and convince the Cubs to part with free-agent-to-be Matt Clement for the most popular Red Sock of the last 20 years, Nomar Garciaparra. The Cubs, who have a hole at short that’s been gaping even longer than the one at third base (which they filled last July about this time), seem like the perfect destination for Nomar. However, GM Jim Hendry, who loves to trade and hasn’t done so for two weeks now (remember the exciting Jimmy Anderson deal?), doesn’t want to break up the Cubs fivesome of Wood, Prior, Zambrano, Clement and Maddux just two days after it finally came together for the first time all year.
There’s a way that Hendry can improve his offense and his pitching at the same time. See, the Cubs have an assortment of prospects that make other GM’s drool. Pitching wise most systems have three or four guys who if everything goes just right might be Major League contributors and one or two guys with a chance to be really good. The Cubs have nearly a dozen pitching prospects who figure to pitch regularly in the bigs (unless their arms fall off, always a danger with any pitcher) and a half dozen who could be really good.
Now the rumor is that the Cubs are in a position where they could trade Clement to Boston for Garciaparra and then trade prospects to the D’backs for Johnson. Boston gets their pitcher (and more importantly to the Red Sox, the Yankees don’t get Johnson), the Cubs get their shortstop and actually upgrade the rotation. Can you imagine a playoff rotation of Johnson, Prior, Wood and Zambrano? I get a little dizzy just imagining it. Much the way I do when I have that Hilary Duff-Lindsay Lohan sponge bath dream.
How much of that was out loud?
Where was I?
This Nomar-Randy thing reminds me of another year in which the Cubs were rumored to be after the two biggest names on the market:
1998 — Mike Piazza and Randy Johnson
Piazza had been traded from the Dodgers to the Marlins and everybody knew the Marlins wanted to move him immediately. For some reason the Ed Lynch package of Kevin Orie, Jeremi Gonzalez, Pat Cline, Terry Adams and Todd Noel wasn’t enough. Though Orie and Noel would eventually end up in Florida anyway for the great Felix Heredia. Whoopee!
Everybody thought that the Yankees were going to trade for Johnson, and Lynch stopped calling the Marlins (always a great idea). At the last minute on July 31, the Yankees, knowing that none of their AL competitors were in position to trade for Johnson pulled out and the Astros ended up with Johnson. Randy went 10-1 down the stretch and the Astros went to the playoffs, where they probably could have won the pennant (the Padres did, for chrissakes) except The Beege and Jeff Bagwell forgot to get a hit.
The Cubs staggered into the playoffs and spent four days (three games) and went home.
The situation is different, of course. The Cubs were in the playoffs last year and should have finally won that damn pennant. This year, they’re better, but there are no guarantees. If they don’t catch the Cardinals (which they will) they should easily take the Wild Card, but who knows?
You can certainly make one bold move (two would be nice) without sacrificing your long term future. If Hendry takes the more conservative route he will trade much less to get Orlando Cabrera to fill the shortstop void. We detailed this yesterday, and Cabrera is a good player, and a definite upgrade. But if you want to put the fear of God into the National League, Nomar and Randy would be a good start.
It’s not going to happen. But it makes for a nice daydream.
—
This is an impressive photo. But when did Bud Selig hit his 500th homer?
I’ll tell you what ruined the Home Run Contest for me. It wasn’t Sammy swinging and missing at the first pitch:
It wasn’t him only hitting five homers in the first round.
It was me going to the Home Run Contest in Milwaukee two years ago. Once you’ve seen that thing live, you will never be satisfied seeing it in person again. There is no way that you can get a sense of how ridiculously far they can hit a baseball until you are there. Plus, when you’re at the event you don’t have to listen to Chris Berman and the Anti-Christ.
The best line of the night though during last night’s telecast was this exchange:
Berman: Hey Joe, can you get the name of your tailor?
Anti-Christ: I’m sorry, they don’t outfit whales.
OK, Morgan didn’t really say that. But he should have. Nothing beats a sweating Chris Berman in a suit that might have fit him in 1986, does it?
—
I’d like to say that because I’m a media mogul that was the reason I got my PS2 copy of NCAA College Football 2005 yesterday. Actually, I got the game because there’s an EBGames store on my way home, and they got the game a day early. For my money the 2004 game was the best video game ever made. Well, 2005 promises to be even better. I only played a couple of games last night, but the immediately addictive element to this one is “home field advantage.” Depending on the intimidation factor of the stadium (for example, The Swamp is intimidating, Ryan Field is not) you are playing in, you might just get a little psyched out. I played a game last night in Lincoln, Nebraska and on big plays the screen would shake, the controller would vibrate and my more inexperienced players would be prone to mistakes (for example, I had a wide receiver run the wrong route, and my quarterback lined up behind the guard for a moment before he realized he needed to move behind the center. I had no idea Henry Burris still had eligibility left.)
Oh, but I still beat Nebraska. You should see them try and pass the ball. Even in a video game it’s hilarious. And just as ridiculous.
One of the coolest additions to the game is that you can finally customize (rename) the All-Time Teams rosters. Instead of having WR25, you can actually go in and name him Rocket Ismail. I’m not going to do this because I’ve got better things to do (like sit on my ass and watch the Cubs) but somebody out there will do it and I can just download the roster. There’s nothing better than having somebody else do all of that tedious, thankless work. But then again, our bosses say that every day when we drag our poor hineys to work, don’t they?
—
Niedermeyer! Dead! Marmalard! Dead! Wormer! Dead! Weezie Jefferson…
Phil Rogers thinks the Sox could get Carlos Beltran and Randy Johnson. Phil Rogers also thinks that cat droppings are unwrapped Tootsie Rolls.
The Tribune Company did a survey of baseball players and found the following things:
Wrigley Field is the best ballpark in baseball.
Barry Bonds is the best player.
Jim Edmonds molests collies.
Jim Thome’s the best teammate.
Does anybody really think that if Ditka runs for senate that he won’t win? I don’t even think it’ll be close. The only way he’d lose is if the Democrats could get Bill Walsh or Joe Gibbs to run.
Jim Hendry wants to keep Matt Clement. For another day or two.
Paul Sullivan says the Cubs are struggling. Well, if that little fella says it, it must be true.
Moochie Norris’ contract is killing the Bulls-Knicks trade. Who the hell gave Moochie Norris $12 million in the first place?
Mariotti puts down the doughnut to try and be funny (never a good idea for Jay) about Ditka’s senate candidacy and for some reason he goes on and on about Coach K again. Seriously, how does Mariotti have one job, much less three?
The Sleestak is not a Pat Tillman fan. She’s a sad little woman, isn’t she?
Lawrence Rocca says a GM handicaps the Johnson race this way, 1) Angels, 2) Cubs, 3) Red Sox and Yankees.
Bob Klapisch says Johnson is now “totally fixated” on pitching for the Yankees.
The Mariners are apparently about to pull off a “significant trade” and we have learned that the trade is Willie Bloomquist for Chris Stynes! Actually, we have no idea what it is. How about Eddie Guardado for Mike Wuertz?
Yosemite Sam might be returning to manage the Astros. Good news for the Cubs.
Lance Berkman said the Astros could use a new manager. That NL All-Star team photo today with Jimy Williams and Lance in it ought to be a lot of laughs.
Tim McCarver doesn’t like Roger Clemens, either.
NBA TV is OK, the NFL Network is pretty good, but the MLB Channel will be the best of them all.
Roger Moore’s kid is up to replace Pierce Brosnan in the Bond movies. But he looks like Ron Reagan, Jr. No thanks.
America’s finest news source with your horoscope. Lucky you, Libra.
Andy, I can’t believe you haven’t commented on the starting NL outfield, from left to right, Bonds, Berkman, Sosa. Has ANY team (let alone an All-Star team) outside of a wheel chair league ever fielded an outfield with less range?
I just can’t wait to see Fat Lance run up that hill.
My only downside to this is taking on RJ’s $14 million salary for 2005. I can’t see the Cubs keeping both RJ and Nomar in 2005. Now, they can AFFORD to do that, I just don’t think they will.
But there is one other problem.
Jim Hendry.
This page has called on Hendry to make a big deal, not just a safe deal. Safe is Kenny Lofton and Aramis Ramirez, but not Mike Lowell. Safe is Orlando Cabrerra and not Nomar. Safe is Jose Mesa and not Randy Johnson.
Come on, Jim. Do this. I dare you. I double dare you. I triple DOG dare you!
(Yes, this was a breach of dare escalation protocol)
I don’t think Ditka has a chance. His appeal is mostly Chicago–which is Machine Democrat.
Shoot, Ernie Banks couldn’t win a a friggin’ Alderman’s seat when he ran as a Republican. In fact, he got trounced worse than Ditka’s Bears did whenever they played in Candlestick on Monday nights in December.
It’s not like Disco Demoliton– where all people had to do was just show up. You have to register to vote and I hardly think most of the deluded Superfan wannabe’s know how to do that.
Speaking of Disco Demolition, did any body catch the WWTW show last night? Seabiscuit’s jockey Sullivan was interviewed. Evidently, he took part in storming the field.
I’m surprised the little guy didn’t get trampled.
"Safe is Kenny Lofton and Aramis Ramirez, but not Mike Lowell."
????
Chuck, I think you forgot your medication this morning. You must be the only guy in America to reghret the Cubs not getting Lowell. Instead, Hendry got a younger, less-broken-down third baseman AND a leadoff hitter. How was that safe?
It’s nice to see Chuck make an entire post without a hilarious Korey reference, however, criticizing Hendry for not trading for Mike Lowell is dumb for two reasons.
1) Like Mike said, the Cubs got a younger third baseman who will likely be better than Lowell before it’s all over.
2) Lowell was never on the market. Short of kidnapping him, he wasn’t coming to play for the Cubs.
Based on interviews I’ve seen him do on TV and his "’70s look", I’ve got a feeling that Sully was stoned out of his gourd when he stormed the field that night.
As for the WNBA picture, I’ve always thought Sue Bird was a hottie, and I think the tall girl behind her posed nude for a European art magazine.
Whinny. Neigh.
My jockey was also on an ESPN Classic documentary on the Red Sox and Cubs, which was basically a rundown of various curses and an excruciatingly thorough re-telling of last year’s LCSes.
Despite the subject matter, it is a good one to check out. (If it has been on before, I don’t recall seeing it.) Just make sure you have the straightjacket on when you tune in.
Oh, and the sight of Derrek Lee with Champagne will make you cough up your oats.
Neigh.
I’ve retracted my dislike for the Ramirez trade.
But I still like Lowell more. And Lowell could have been had.
How was that deal safe? They gave up nothing and got an old leadoff hitter who is a known clubhouse cancer and a free swinging third baseman who started 2003 rather poorly and was due for a big raise after the season.
They took a chance on a few guys and didn’t have to pay a lot. That’s low risk. That’s safe.
Dolan was right. This deal ain’t happening becase Hendry ain’t got the cohones to pull off a huge deal.
Andy, I don’t need to make a hilarious Korey reference. I’m just going to get an endless loop AVI of his Sunday ninth inning play and run it on the blog.
I know Andy was just being funny about Lowell, but I think that kidnapping is a great idea and I am happy to say I am looking into it.
The plan is to drive up to Fenway dressed in ninja gear and jam Nomar into the back of a conversion van and haul ass back to Chicago to unveil him at a press conference.
Why not?
Hey Chuck,
Go ahead and post the replay of my first error of the year. It’s not like anybody will actually see it on your blog. Hell, if your blog was a hotel, everybody in the FBI witness protection plan would live there.
Also, are ESPN’s producers all on crack? The homerun derby was unwatchable. Why the hell is the primary camera behind the mound? In the homerun derby, I want to see the flight of the ball, not a player swing, and then the camera switch to show the ball landing in the stands.
Chuck’s right, I should have traded some real prospects to the Marlins for a guy they weren’t going to trade instead of Bobby Hill to the Pirates for Aramis.
I’d say whatever glue Chuck uses to affix his toupee is getting him high.
I AM SO CLEVER! IT’S SO FUNNY WHEN A PLAYER HITS THE BALL A LONG WAYS AND I YELL "THAT ONE’S HEADED FOR GALVESTON!" AND THEN TWO MINUTES LATER I YELL "THAT ONE’S GOING TO LAND AT SAN PADRE ISLAND!" THEN TWO MINUTES AFTER THAT I TROT OUT THE SAME, TIRED JOKE!
ESPN SEEMS TO THINK I FOUNDED THE NETWORK AND I AM UNFIREABLE! I COULD MOLEST KARL RAVECH’S HAIRPIECE ON THE SPORTSCENTER SET DURING A BROADCAST AND NOT GET FIRED!
I MEAN KARL "RAVECH-ING RICK RUDE"! I’VE STILL GOT IT! I’M HILARIOUS!
I’ve got more testicles than Mike Lowell.
That’s a medical fact.
I’m tied with him.
By the way, I want to thank Bob Rosenberg for that being my first error of the season and not my eighth.
Whatever. Whether or not it was an error, the real point was that that was one of the many SHOTS that I offered up.
No wonder I boycotted the media the day I became closer. I’m miserable. Me want to be setup man.
Chuck, I’m here to back you up.
Lowell COULD have been had, if the price was right.
It has been nice that Ramirez has worked out. So far.
But in 2002 we could have gotten Scott Rolen. Instead we got Delino DeShields.
In 1999 we could have gotten Mike Piazza. Instead we got his boyfriend.
In 1998 we could have gotten Randy Johnson. Instead we got Felix Horridia.
For once, JUST FOR ONCE, let’s go after the Alpha Male..and get him.
Is it a rule in Chicago that you have to be an absolute moron to be a sports columnist in Chicago? Carol Slezak makes John Kruk seem smart….
Sloth,
We got Delino in 2001. Remember our stretch run, when the dispirited play of Delino, Michael Tucker and Assclown McGriff drove us right out of the race?
We could have had Rolen, but it wouldn’t have been for a postseason push–we were done by July in 2002.
Ohmigod!
I just found, like, a totally awesome way to fill my column space!
Two words
on
every
line!
Now,
where’s my Lance Armstrong tank top?
It’s cute!
Like, totally Pulitzer!
Nomar to White Sox for prospects, prospects+ to AZ for RJ.
#24, uh-huh, and who’s giving the White Sox the money to pay for all that?
The only reason the Sux would do that would be to keep Nomar from coming to the Cubs, and if that is their reason then Kenny Williams is incredibly stupid to keep a player from going to a player in the other league that the Sox won’t play again this year. Wait, damn Nomar is just changing colors.
The rumor is on the infamous Sons of Sam Horn message board, and it’s Nomar to the White Sox for prospects, the Red Sox send those prospects (and presumably one of their own) to the D’backs for Johnson.
Link to SoSH thread
You’d imagine the Sox would just trade for Johnson and forget Nomar, but the same rumor claims Johnson wouldn’t waive his no trade for the White Sox.
Yes #26, I stay awake nights scheming to steal players the Cubs might possibly trade for. Dope.
Dad, you know you stay awake nights worrying about what we’re scheming to steal!
Sloth:
Now I’ve got you and the TRUTH to back me! Phew!
And don’t forget the Cubs traded away the overrated, but serviceable, John Garland for two pieces of my mother’s old douchebag.
Big Moves Ain’t Us is Da’ Cubs.
Actually, I worry about what Frank Thomas or Jon Rauch will do to piss me off next. And believe me, it’s easy to piss me off.
What Kenny said!
Where am I these days, anyway? Didn’t the Cubs have me in camp a few years back?
It’s J-O-N, Chuckh.
Chuck will insist that it’s John, Jon, just like he’ll insist that I suck and it’s better to have Mike Lowell than Aramis Ramirez, despite evidence to the contrary.
I guess Hendry will take the conservative path once again when it comes to a trade. Do we just want to get into the playoffs or do we actually want to make a run at the World Series title?
That’s what it comes down to when you think about trades. Do we need Nomar? Yes we do. If we get Cabrera, it will be as we got nothing. He’s stats are comparible to A-Gon. We might as well keep Gonzo. Also, I wouldn’t mind picking up Steve Finley and have him play in center until at least he gets hurt. Korey continues to display why he is indifferent to this team. We need somebody in center that makes a difference on this team. I say if we don’t go and do something now, we might get lucky and get into the playoffs. It will probably be an early exit due to not being able to hit the ball.
Chuck? Is that you?
THINK BIG, JIM!!!!!!!
I would love to know how I’ve been displaying my "indifference to the team". If that’s a backhanded way of saying my recent play has been fairly terrible, then it must be said that ALL of the position players are "displaying their indifference". Almost everyone was pretty bad in 5 out of the last 6 games. These fixations on me are a bit weird.
I’m coming to town, bitches! All is well! Screw you, Ricky Gutierrez!
I look just like former Bears QB Jim Miller, and lately, I’ve been hitting like him, too.
How cool is it to see Fat Roger get bombed in the ASG? Of course, the guy is such a fat deadbeat he’s probably throwing the game for the benefit of the AL and his beloved Yanks and Sox. What a fat phuck.
Who thinks it likely Fat Boy goes 3-10 in the second half to go with his 10-3 first half? The pig will bitch all the way about the Stros collapse and hide in his dumb kid’s Pony League ballpark during offdays. Screw you Fat Boy.
Hey, buddy, RBI for me!
I’m conceding my MVP award to R. Clettitte. Thanks for the BP, dude!
Did anyone notice I pitched only one guy for two innings and he just happened to be my pitcher? He also happened to give up more runs than any other pitcher besides Clemens. I’m an assclown.
Yes, Anyone noticed. Anyone also noticed that you were running the show because you led a failing team to a World Series title.
So don’t be so hard on yourself. The Assclowns are the ones who would get geeked up about 2 innings in an All-Star game.