The Lovie Smith Era sure started with a bang…or more like a pop, or whatever the sound that Brian Urlacher’s hamstring made when it yanked away from his leg yesterday.
Urlacher spent the summer training in Colorado to increase his lung capacity. It’d be nice if he’d taken the time to bend over and touch his toes once and a while.
It’s not like it’s a total loss or anything, though, I mean everybody who got roped into buying preseason game tickets as part of their season ticket plan is, I’m sure, just really excited that they’ll get to see four quarters of Hunter Hillenmeyer at middle linebacker.
If you’re wondering, Urlacher getting hurt on the first day of training camp is just about as exciting as it was when Mark Prior’s Achilles decided to sit up and bark in Spring Training.
If you need me I’ll be out in the garage with the door closed, the car running and a garden hose in my mouth.
Otherwise, how was the first day of practice, Lovie?
Don’t you think he took a moment to look around the lovely, boring, cloistered campus of Olivet Nazarene (motto: The place to send your virgin daughter…and keep her that way) and caught a glimpse of the Bears quarterback corps? He probably watched Rex Grossman throw a great looking pass to Marty Booker and then watched as Jonathan Quinn dropped back for a pass, only to fall over and spike himself, followed by Zak Kustok missing the cutoff man on a deep route and Craig Krenzel pausing the study the molecular structure of the football before throwing a 15 yard out…nine feet.
If Rex gets hurt this year, it won’t be tragic. No…it’ll be worse than that. Dante had a circle of hell devoted just for teams who go into seasons with this kind of depth.
—
That smell coming from up north last night was whatever the Cubs laid on the field at Miller Park. As Chris Capuano turned into Tom Glavine circa-1996 right before our eyes, a Cubs lineup made up entirely of right handed hitters could do nothing with him. When Kerry Wood allowed an RBI double to Babe Capuano and then a two run homer to Bill Hall, you just knew it wasn’t your day. I decided to do something more fun than watch the end of the game. I shoved nails through my nostrils. Good times.
On the other hand we did have a Todd Wellemeyer sighting! Todd pitched what should have been a perfect inning except for an inexplicably missed call at first base. Todd then left two runners for Kent Mercker who proceeded to throw five straight pitches in the dirt. Michael Barrett caught 80 percent of those.
Remember all the nice things I said about Daron Sutton and Bill Schroeder? You can scrap them. All of the good will they’d built up was torched during a five minute conversation they had about how great Bruce Hornsby is.
I can’t even go into detail. I’m still wincing from the thought.
—
OK, here’s the deal on what happened yesterday with the out of control Nomar for Clement rumors. One of our intrepid readers posted a rumor he (or maybe she…to be fair) heard that the Cubs were going to trade Clement, Sergio Meat Tray and Alex Gonzalez to the Red Sox for Nomar. Then another intrepid reader posted about a 3 p.m. press conference. Then another mocked Sharon Panozzo and Ray Fontenot (one of my favorite posts of the year). Anyway, as the day went on, that rumor and the Gordon Edes stuff in yesterday’s Boston Globe and then, finally, a Ken Rosenthal piece on FoxSports.com created a perfect storm.
Yet another intrepid reader (I’m not going to give his name, but let’s just say he hates Corey Patterson) called a friend of his who knows Dave Kaplan to tell the friend to tell Dave to check the rumor out.
About ten minutes later, Kaplan’s on WGN giving a sports update and reports the trade rumor. Then, all hell breaks loose.
Over at Cubstalk.com the simple minded dopes who congregate there (except for JJ Beutel, I don’t want him lumped in with the troglodytes…JJ’s good people) threw caution to the wind. It was like the Cheers where Frasier wanted to prove how “wild” he was so he started running around the bar holding scissors.
I even started to get fired up, since I had no idea that Kaplan’s source was…US. I got on line and customized my Nomar Cubs jersey. I figured he’d buy 5 from Barrett. Hell, Barrett’s so nice he’ll just give it to Nomar.
Then, an intrepid reader e-mailed to tell me where Kaplan got his info. I was proud of us, and disappointed because I was hoping this was new info Kaplan had.
Meanwhile, a sports radio jerkoff at XTRA radio in San Diego picked up the report. We were now coast-to-coast.
I went back to re-customize my Cubs jersey and if you see me at a game, I’ll be the one with the jersey that says
Barrettiaparra
5.
Oh, well.
—-
The truth of the matter is that despite protestations to the contrary by Cubs Sun-Times mouthpiece Mike Kiley and the always screaming George Ofman, nobody has told Clement that he won’t be traded. All of the reasons why the Cubs can…and should…trade for Nomar are still as valid as when we threw them out yesterday. So, like every other baseball fan…we wait and see.
Kiley says the Cubs want Nomar but not for Clement. There’s only one way that happens and it involves Randy Johnson giving in and agreeing to be traded to the Red Sox. That’s not as far fetched as the New York media would have you believe.
Dave van Dyck says that Gary Hughes told Clement that the Nomar thing was just a rumor. Not exactly the most reassuring thing ever for Matt. Alex Gonzalez says he doesn’t read trade rumors. The reason is because the paper is always two steps to his left and he can’t get to it anymore.
After Peter Gammons said that the Unit had turned down a trade to the Dodgers, Paul DePodesta said no offer was ever made. Oooh, somebody’s lying. Get Ofman on it, he’s a sneaky little s@#$.
The NY Post’s George King says the Unit-LA thing was true. King just figures anything he doesn’t make up is true.
Our new pal says that the Marlins might get in on a Unit to the D’backs deal. For Jose Contreras and Brett Mayne? THE Brett Mayne? Why bother?
The NY Times says Randy’s staying in Phoenix.
Joel Sherman says the D’backs will panic and trade Randy to the Yankees. Yeah, because everybody cowers at the sight of the Yankees.
For chrissakes just wake me when the Pirates finally trade Kris Benson.
Phil Rogers says that Hendry should trade for Nomar. Now I’m questioning my own stance on this. Rogers is always wrong. Check out his horrendous logic. He says that last year the Cubs would have won the NLCS with Nomar instead of Alex because Nomar’s anemic 7-29 in the ALCS was better than Alex’s horrid 3-24. And all Clement did was win game four. Go away.
Gordon Edes is backpeddling, but not all the way. He says the Cubs and Sawx are still talking.
Scott Gregor says the White Sox should get Jason Kendall. Yes, the light hitting catcher with the worst contract in baseball. Perfect. Sign him up.
The Cubs were not good last night.
Greggie’s not too fired up about 300.
The Sox were hilariously unfortunate yesterday. Most of it could have been solved by tying Jose Valentin to the bench, though.
The Brewers say the Cubs fire them up. Oh, shut up.
Urlacher’s gone for a while. Great.
The A-Train wants to stay. I’d want to, too, if my only competition was the wildly inconistent Thomas Jones.
Mariotti puts down the doughnut to give the impression he actually went to Bourbonnais yesterday.
In the sidebar here, Old Hickory reports that the Unit turned down the Dodgers.
Rick Ankiel is coming back. Hee hee. Better reinforce the backstop.
Anthony Anderson is in some deep doo doo.
The world’s greatest newspaper says Republicans love their ketchup…even if it is Heinz.
No wonder he pulled a hammy. Look at the pic above. Whe you stretch your hammys your legs are supposed to be straight.
Where is Santo when you need a good "Oh nooooooooo!" for the Bears?
Will they even play this year? I mean, their 2004 season is over, right? At least that’s what Murphy has me believing.
Thank goodness for Chicago sports radio. Without that, I’d have hope. God bless you, Score. Thanks for crapping on all fans and dragging us kicking and screaming to the 2005 season ticket window.
Just perused the click-and-crap fest that is the Cubstalk message board. That place needs to invest in a board script that allows you to read more than one message at a time.
Too funny what gets started and how.
That’s a good trick, JH. Mike Murphy has you believing that the Bears season is done? How’d he do that when Brian Hanley was on in his place?
Was it your Twilight Zone radio that let you hear tomorrow’s broadcast today? Miss a little, miss nothing?
A flame 3 feet high burning your butt?
The Score was on all of 3 seconds to hear the arm waving panic of the Score-head. I assumed Murphy was leading the charge.
Thanks so much for pointing out something you took the time to listen to while I had better things to do like eat pencil shavings or gouge paper clips under my fingernails.
I get two toddlers dressed for daycare each AM and coddle a wife in her 7th month. I keep WSCR on to remind me that there are things better things on which to focus anger than a 4 year old whinning over his shoes, a 1 year old crying about his blanket, and a wife who is so sick of being pregnant that a rabid raccoon is more fun to hang out with.
Murph and Fred keep me grounded in Reality.
Sounds like condoms could have done the trick, too.
The Bears season is over before it started; Wrigley could come crashing down any minute; the Cubs are just about done; the Sox just finished their season yesterday; the Bulls will have a good season once they trade for Bryant…
Yeah, the Score is well grounded in Reality. But that might just be my Twilight Zone radio.
The Score is full of whiney, overpaid Johnny LunchPails, sitting around and working themselves up into a lather over the latest calamity that has hit Chicago sports. It’s always the single worse day in sports history until tomorrow is ruined, too.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Boy, it’s a good thing that the Cubs didn’t do like that clown from a Florida newspaper had written and sent Felix Pie and Angel Guzman to the Marlins for the rock-steady and reliable Armando Benitez. Benitez may be seeing Dr. Yocum soon. That trade rumor might have been the dumbest thing I’ve heard so far this summer, and I’ve got to imagine that Jim Hendry started choking if the Marlins even proposed such a thing.
By the way, I umpired some games in the Iowa High School Baseball State Tournament yesterday and there was a kid in one of the earlier games who threw a measly 178 pitches in a 16-11 loss. He went to a 3-2 count on 12 batters and gave up 18 hits, but pitched ALL SEVEN INNINGS. If I would’ve been behind the plate in that one, I probably would’ve retired after beating his coach senseless.
Good idea, Andy, but the radio slides right out of the Trojans.
JH, I think you missed it.
The reality WSCR keeps me grounded in is my family.
I’m at home monitoring Desipio today for big trade news!
If the Cubs don’t trade for Nomar Garciaparra and Randy Johnson and Eric Gagne I’ll be so mad!
Look at Kenny Williams! He’s a great general manager. Look at his additions to that Sox team. Carl Everett’s a stud! He’s hitting better than .260 now! Freddy Garcia is 4-2 with the Sox and they’ve surged right past the Twins! When he traded for those guys the Sox were barely even in first place. Now they’re 3.5 games ahead! Or behind! I’ve just contradicted myself six times! Why am I yelling? Why do I sound like somebody is holding my nuts in a vice?
Andy: Did you give up your Miller Park season tickets this year?
Chuck: If you are a registered member you can read more than one message at a time on CubsTalk.com
I gave up the season tickets in 2003. I only had them for 2002 so I could get All-Star tickets…and see Cubs games.
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