Yesterday, somebody said that watching Team USA was like watching the Cubs. They share uniform colors, they play defense like it’s optional, and when they fall behind they mount a big rally with enough time to come all the way back but stop scoring anyway.

The 2005 Cubs could play with the Astros and Cardinals, but not the Reds or Brewers. Looks like Team USA thought the Canadian border is just north of Kenosha.

It wasn’t just that Team USA lost 8-6 to Canada. It’s how they did it. With Chase Utley and Derek Jeter continuing their great March tradition of shorthopping every throw to first, and Mark Teixieria not giving them much help on his end. They gave up an inside the park home run to Red Sox farmhand Adam Stern. They got shut out by a Baltimore Orioles’ prospect who barely touched AA last year.

The cruelest cut involved Utley, who in the eighth inning had a chance to bail Team USA out of the gi-normous hole they had dug for themselves. Down 8-6 he was up with two on and two out. He launched one to center that he was sure he got all of. He dropped his bat and stood at home plate, he held his arms up, he started to jog to first base with him arms out at each side like he was some odd looking bird. The ball, meanwhile was sailing majestically towards the center field wall. If it hit the wall, Johnny Damon would have scored easily from first to tie the game. If it went over the wall, the US would be up 9-8 with three outs to go.

So what did the ball do? It landed in Adam Stern’s glove. Oops.

Now the Americans are faced with the absurd, and very real at this point, possibility that they might not advance out of their pool into the semi-finals.

The Canadians are 2-0. The Americans are 1-1 and tied with Mexico. South Africa is 0-2. If the Canadians beat Mexico, all the US has to do is beat South Africa to advance. But if Mexico beats Canada, then the best that can happen to the Americans is a three-way tie with Canada and Mexico. Since none of those teams, in that event, would have beaten both of the other ones, it goes to some strange lowest ERA against common opponents tiebreaker. If Mexico beats Canada today 1-0, 2-1, or 2-0, the Americans are eliminated. If Mexico wins say, 4-2, the Americans are in with a win. Got it? Good. Huh?

Over in Cubs camp, the Mark Prior watch continues, as does Kerry Wood’s endless rehab. Kerry threw 90 “balls” yesterday without using his legs. You know, kind of like every 120 Heathcliff Slocumb pitches.

Larry Rothschild tried to clear up Prior’s status. Only Larry could make it this clear.

He was asked if Prior is still on pace to start the season on time.

“I want to see him after he faces hitters first. I’ll know exactly where I can measure where he is. But I think it’s a possibility.

It’s a definite possibility. I think it’s a distinct possibility. As long as we can keep pushing forward and having no setbacks as far as arm speed or anything, then we’re right on schedule to do that.

Did you catch that? It went from “possibility” to “definite possibility” to “distinct possibility” all in about ten seconds. Now if anybody knows the difference between possibility, definite possibility and distinct possibility…well, I think you’re lying.

I’m also disappointed that none of the beat writers set him up for the Ty Webb joke with, “How do you measure Mark Prior against other pitchers?”

My whole impression of Larry would have been enhanced forever with just one, “By height.”

The White Sox made a trade yesterday to get Diamondbacks shortstop Alex Cintron. Cintron’s a switch hitter (keep him away from Scotty Fabulous) who is best (and most lovingly) remembered in these parts for running into Scott Rolen in the 2002 playoffs and ending his year by somehow hitting Rolen’s 240 pound body with his 165 pounds and tearing Rolen’s shoulder off. So how can we ever find a reason to dislike Alex?

I’m sure we’ll come up with something.

Bruce Miles has a piece in today’s Daily Herald (and really, if it was in any of the other papers, then we’d have a story) about the lack of African-Americans in Major League Baseball. It’s a good read, but this part struck me as funny:

Interestingly, the Cubs today are a notable exception. In addition to Lee, they have a relatively high number of black players on their major-league and spring-training rosters: Jerry Hairston Jr., Jerome Williams, Jacque Jones, Juan Pierre, Marquis Grissom and Les Walrond.

OK, Bruce. You had me until Les Walrond. What, exactly is a Les Walrond? Did Les Lancaster get married (and black?)

The NFL owners got together, confused Ralph Wilson and Mike Brown (not the Bears’ safety, the cheap Bengals owner) and hammered out a new revenue sharing deal to allow an extension for six more years of the collective bargaining agreement. What does this mean for the Bears?

It means that if they want Antwan Randle-El, he’ll cost more because the salary cap went up and more teams have money to offer him. It also means that a number two receiver will probably get number one receiver money. Given that the Bears don’t really have a number one, they could do more foolish things than pay Antwan, and that’s probably just what they’ll do.

More foolish things than sign Antwan.

It took two Tribune reporters to write this. But they think the Bears will make a run at Randle-El.

Dusty’s good at a few things, and acting ignorant is likely his favorite. He contends he still didn’t know that Barry Bonds was on the juice.

Interim commissioner for life Bud Selig is contemplating suspending Barry. For what? We’re not sure. Over on Fox Sports Radio, Steve Czaban refers to Bud as “Bud Lundegaard”, which is so perfect on so many fronts.

Teddy G. says that Rick Majerus doesn’t think Illinois can make it to the Final Four. Well, Rick, that makes three of us. Wait, no I guess that’s just two. Man, you are big.

Mike Downey with a lucid effort here on Keith Michael Kirby Costas.
Todd Walker says he expects to be the starting second baseman. Wait, we’re going to start playing the best guys now?

Derrek Lee’s agent and Jim Hendry are chatting about a new deal for the guy who ought to be playing every inning at first base for Team USA.
The San Francisco Chronicle’s Bruce Jenkins looks on with bemusement at the Giants’ reaction to the news about Barry.

Kelly Dwyer on the race for the final playoff spots in the NBA. He’s not so optimistic about our Bulls. What, the Luke Schenscher pickup didn’t do it for you Kelly?

The Bulls will be wearing green uniforms on the day after St. Patrick’s Day. I love that they put out a news release but not a photo. Nice work.
Brady Quinn’s going to be hearing about that Fiesta Bowl debacle for a long time. His sister is now engaged to AJ Hawk.

Some Schmuck (Peter, actually) says that lumping Sammy or even Mark McGwire in with Barry just isn’t that easy.  If none of them made it to the Hall of Fame, would the Hall be a lesser place?  I don’t think so.

Frank Robinson and Jim Bowden are embarrassed by the current state of the Nationals.  I’d say Frank’s got more reason to be mad than Jim does.  The mess, is pretty much all Jimbo’s.

Dodger Blues with a look at Hee Seop Choi’s exploits in the World Baseball Classic, but really, you HAVE to scroll down to the next story about upcoming Dodger giveaways.  Tremendous.

America’s finest news source on Todd Helton’s disappointment to learn he’s still on a New Jersey man’s fantasy baseball team.