Why should we let a little thing like this year’s Bears’ team not being very good stand in the way of our enjoyment? Just because this Bears’ team has some work to do to even get to mediocre on the ability scale, a three-game winning streak is nothing to sneeze at.
A great man, Nuke LaLoosh once said, “I love winning! It’s like better than losin’!” Truer words were never uttered. The Bears offense is completely offensive. But that defense, well, it’s a sight to see. Just think how good the defense would be if the offense could stay on the field once and a while, or if the defense didn’t have to simulatenously have to stop the other team and score all the points?
I tried not to. I really did. I was going to just kick back and watch the Bears’ this year and try not to get too emotionally involved. Then I found myself swearing at the refs for blowing a call on a Brian Urlacher interception, and then later I found myself calling Hunter Hillenmeyer “Helen Huntermeyer” after he failed to tackle Billy Volek in the end zone to end the overtime.
But Alex Brown and Walleye Ogunleye did what they’re supposed to do. They dumped Billy in the end zone for the win.
The evolution of the media’s treatment of Brian Urlacher continues to amaze me. In my mind he’s the best player the Bears have had since Walter Payton. But over the past couple of years it’s become “in” to bash Urlacher. To call him overrated. Let me clue you in on something. He’s anything but overrated. Ask Chris Brown after the fourth and one in the first half if big Brian is overrated. The hole Brown had to run through was twice as wide as the one Urlacher had to get through to get to him. Brian split the hole and ate Brown alive for a one yard loss. While everyone was watching the replay of Urlacher’s “interception” that the on-field officials inexplicably ruled an incomplete pass, to see if he’d caught the ball, I felt my jaw literally drop at how far he ran to pick the pass off. This was a little seven yard pass that Volek had thrown. You don’t get to take four steps to get in the way of that pass, there’s no time. Unless you’re Brian Urlacher. Is Ray Lewis better? Yeah, he is. But he’s the only one.
The Bears are not a playoff team, even in the pathetic NFC. The offense isn’t just bad it’s ludicrously terrible. It might be the worst offense I’ve ever seen, and I saw the Fighting Illini last season. They can’t do anything. Teams are so content to let Craig Krenzel pass, that they play nine defenders within five yards of the line of scrimmage. If I’m another NFL team in need of a running back, I just put Anthony Thomas on top of my wish list for the offseason because if he could gain 72 yards yesterday, he’d have gotten 172 in a real offense.
Krenzel’s horrible, but compared to Jonathan Quinn he’s the unquestioned best on the team. Just how horrific must Chad Hutchinson truly be? I shudder to think.
The thing Krenzel has that you have to admire is the ability to forget just how terribly he’s played and to just keep plugging away. If he didn’t have that quality, he’d have nothing.
I will admit that I’m already addicted to the Bears postgame coverage on Comcast Sports Net. I can’t help it. First of all, I’ll watch Marv Levy on anything. I keep waiting for him to yell, “Where would rather be than right here, right now?” so I can go running from my living room out into the street and tackle somebody. Secondly, Dan Jiggets is beyond hilarious on that show. Could there be a better host for that show than Dan? I think not.
Chris Zorich is just awful. Maybe he just misses his towel? How great would it be if while Dave Duerson was talking, to see Zorich waving a towel over his head?
But the real star of the show is William Jackson, the guy Jiggets affectionately calls Billy Jack, and the guy they send to hang out in front of the Bears Locker Room and grab the players as they try and leave. The ridiculous thing is that while he’s interviewing Helen Huntermeyer or Nathan Vasher, you see Walleye and Alex Brown and the A-Train walk by. Hey William! Interview them! Stop asking Vasher about getting torched on a long pass to Eddie “Take My Breath Away” Berlin and talk to Walleye! Oh, well.
Speaking of Comcast SportsNet, I watched SportsRise the other day and Luke Stuckmeyer was on. Now, first of all, any Comcast show without Kerry Sayers on it is just a waste of my time, but Luke was trying to be funny. You knew this would be a disaster.
Here was his joke…
“The Bulls are headed to the west coast while the circus comes to town, and in recent years they’ve been like a trapeze artist with butter on his fingers.”
What? Huh? Oh, Luke. That’s just so “Kaseberg.”
How about this?
“With the circus coming to the United Center, the Bulls are once again forced to take their freak show on the road?”
Or, “The United Center is about to trade one set of clowns for another as the circus is in, and the Bulls are out.”
I know Chairman Reinsdorf is a part owner of the network, but come on, even he’d have to laugh at that. Right? OK, maybe not.
Until then, Luke, just trade all of your shifts with Kerry. Thanks.
—–
Won’t it be nice when we can get through an entire Dose without an exhaustive section about Sammy Sosa? That day might be closer than we think, thanks to a little common sense being shown (at least preliminarily) by the players’ association.
We told you last week that Sammy’s agent, Adam Katz, had a talk with a players’ association official about allowing Sammy to renegotiate the automatic triggering of his 2006 option if he’s traded. What the players’ association has advised Katz so far is that they’d be willing to let Sammy do that.
But they wouldn’t let Alex Rodriguez do it last year when Boston tried to get him to give up some cash, so why would they let Sammy?
The reason is that A-Rod was trying to give back guaranteed money. Money he was going to get as long as he continued to have a pulse. What Sammy’s trying to do is remove the single biggest obstacle to him being traded, the $18 million he’s owed in 2006 if he’s traded.
Here’s why the PA is expected to let Sammy do it. Because if Sammy’s not traded he’ll never see that $18 million. The Cubs aren’t going to pick up his option, so all that money is doing is stopping Sammy from being able to leave the Cubs, which is what he now wants to do more than anything.
Here’s what Katz is expected to ask for. He’s expected to ask the union to allow him to remove the trade kicker, but not the option. In other words, Sammy’s contract will still be worth $16 million in 2005 and $18 million in 2006, even though everybody on the planet knows that without the trade kicker there’s now way Sammy will ever see that second year.
If you’re the Mets and you trade for Sammy you’ll get him for $16 million next year and you’ll have a $4.5 million buyout in 2006, or you could pick up the option yourself and pay him the $18 million. But even the Mets aren’t that dumb.
What it does is it makes Sammy very tradeable. Whoever trades for him is taking a one-year risk, not a two-year risk. If you get the Cubs to take a bad contract off your hands, you might be getting a shot at a Sammy Sosa reniassance for almost nothing.
For the Cubs it drives his trade value up. Where before there was little chance of getting anything but another team’s garbage in return, now you might get a little garbage and a real player.
The Mets are the team that is making this happen. They want Sammy, Sammy wants to play in New York and without their interest he’d never have allowed his agent to explore getting him out of contract jail. However, there’s another team who wants him so badly they can hardly stand it, and they might just be able to interest Sammy, too.
The Florida Marlins are trying to build a new stadium some four miles from where Sammy currently has a mansion. They thought that winning a World Series last year and being good again in 2004 would be enough to get them the funding they need to build it. It hasn’t happened. They now think that if they could trade for the most popular Hispanic athlete of all time, that they might be able to drum up enough excitement to make it happen.
The problem is that the Marlins like to pretend to be completely cash poor. They can’t just add $16 million to next year’s payroll, and they don’t have enough high salaried players who they can actually part with to make a trade happen. They’d love to move Miguel Cabrera to third base, Mike Lowell to first and play Sammy in right field. They’d do it in a heartbeat. But they won’t trade Juan Pierre (who the Cubs could use) or Luis Castillo. What they have is one horrible contract on their books.
Check this out. The Marlins are paying Mike Hampton another $10 million this year. That’s right, the Mike Hampton who never played for them. They absorbed his contract to get rid of Preston Wilson a couple years ago in a three-way between Colorado, Atlanta and Florida.
So what if the Marlins could finally be persuaded to deal Pierre or Castillo? What if the Cubs took Hampton’s contract and either guy to fill that long empty leadoff spot in exchange for Sammy?
Hmm?
It looks like the most obvious destination for Sammy is still the Mets. They want him. They’re not shy about it and they’ve got three players with big contracts that they’d like to dump. Early indications are that Baltimore and now Anaheim are interested in Mike Piazza, which would allow the Mets to trade Cliff Floyd and his two-year $6.5 million per contract to the Cubs for Sammy. What might happen is that the Mets trade both Floyd and Piazza to the Cubs and the Cubs end up having to find a taker for Piazza. Because really, you can’t break up that great platoon of Michael Barrett and Gabor Bako.
Would it really be that terrible to have Barrett and Piazza sharing the catching duties? At his age, Piazza can’t catch every day, and you’d think that if he got three days off a week that his defense would be better off because he wouldn’t be getting so beaten up. Granted, he can’t throw at all.
But then you look at it and think, “Do the Cubs really need a $16 million part-time catcher?” No. So for now they’ll just let Omar Minaya try and find a taker for Piazza.
Troy Percival is going to go visit Detroit. I hope the Cubs let him go there. Troy’s 35, has a history of arm problems and is losing MPH on the old fastball. No thanks.
The Giants gave Omar Vizquel three years? Three? Uh-oh, Nomar and Edgar’s price tags just went up. Morans.
The Mets have sold themselves on the idea of Sammy in Flushing.
Even Mike Lupica wants to see Sammy as a Met.
The Bears pulled one out of their…hats. Nice to see Marc Columbo do…anything.
David Terrell needs to be on the next bus…or under it.
Groucho still wants Eddy out. I liked this quote from Bobcats coach Bernie Bickerstaff, “We’re pretty damn good.” No. No, you’re not.
Is Brian Sabean trying to build an “over 40” team? WTF?
Mariotti puts down the doughnut to think that unlike the 2001 team, these Bears make “real” big plays. Yeah, like the Michael Haynes TD interception, that’s not at all the same play as the one Keith Traylor made in 2001. The 2001 team had better offensive players. They didn’t have a better offensive scheme, but they had better players. This team’s going nowhere, fast.
Sean McAdam says that Carlos Beltran’s the best free agent. Really? You don’t say? I wish Peter Gammons would stop telling everybody that the Cubs were going to get him.
Speaking of Gammons, he’s fired up about Jim Bowden being the temp GM in Washington.
Peter King’s Monday Morning Quarterback.
A-Rod’s having a hard time getting over the pennant collapse. Muahahahahahahahahahaha!
Something tells me this isn’t isn’t the first time R. Kelly’s been pepper sprayed.
Nicole Kidman wants to get pregnant. OK. Fine. I’ll help.
America’s finest news source with some new prehistoric discoveries.
Is there anywhere in Chicago where a guy can go to sing live show tunes? I’ve spent my entire career in NY, LA and South Florida for a reason you know.
You’re always welcome here Mike
While watching the Bears yesterday, I felt in the early fourth quarter that they didn’t deserve to win that game and felt almost relieved when the Titans got the lead back. However, when Krenzel came out and led them right back down the field to tie the game, my feelings changed. That drive made up for all of Krenzel’s "suckiness" earlier in the game. The defense and RW’s punt return deserved to win. It was another nice win, and the remaining schedule almost gives a guy hope.
I haven’t even read today’s Dose, but I really want to say today that I’m completely fed up with people bashing BC. He don’t need my help, but his worst dose is far more entertaining than the Intrepids who bash him. Cut it out, kay?
The more I think about it, the easier it seems, to me, for the Cubs’ brass to get Sosa to waive the conditional-extra-year-if-traded clause.
It would go down something like this:
Dusty and Hendry: "Waive the clause"
Adam and Sam Me say, "no."
Then Dusty and Hendry come back with: "Fine. You come to Mesa. You batting sixth. You play left field. There is also a new ban on clubhosue tunes, so don’t bother buying a new boombox.
"AND," Dusty and Hendry continue, "if you act up at all and stand in the way of what we’re trying to accomplish as a team, we will have no problem unleashing our unlimited media resources to tar and feather your lard ass from here to San Pedro De Marcoris. Needles, ‘roids, the whole shebang. All the while, you’ll be sitting and rotting on the bench. And after we’ve put you through this hell, not only will your contract essentially expire anyway, but nobody will want you then. Waive the clause now and save some face. Either way, you’re not going to get the ’06 dinero. Buddy."
Adam and Sam Me: "You have an excellent point. See you later."
OK, not much to add to that, Good job Andy for getting your head around the Sosa trade kicker logic.
All I have to say today is that Desmond Clark and David Terrel managed to make Krenzel look worse than he really is, which is difficult. Both those jakers need to be cut, today.
Go play on your blog, Sloth. The lunatic ravings of a borderline mental, left-wing moran are not needed here. We won’t even get started with your fetish for underage women. Get lost.
I heartily disagree with Sloth. I think the bathroom wall here after BC’s articles are some seriously funny–albeit juvenile–stuff. However, Angry Reader’s an assclown. There’s no need to bash Sloth and tell him to get lost. His politics have nothing do with this anyway–typcial neocon ravings, breaking s**t down into black and white, as if life is truly that tidy.
–putting flamesuit on–
I love the Marlins angle. My Beltran chubby’s almost as big as my Juan-Jaun chubby.
Would you rather have Betran in center and Patterson in left-leadoff, or Pierre in center-leadoff, Patterson in left batting eighth?
And then who plays right?
Discuss.
Or not.
Well, I’m prepared to make that assclown feel pretty sore!
![]("http://bluelemur.com/images/stories/cheneybulge.jpg"/)
I think the comments on BC’s article were probably the best thing this site has seen since the end of the Cubs season. 77 comments. I don’t think they should be personal just a part of a running joke. It’s all instructive to the young guy–i.e. BC needs to read his article and edit it before he posts it.
Fascinating. Anyone know that Dick Cheney is in the Emil Verban Club? Maybe his cubby for Beltran is pretty big, too.
Fascinating. Anyone know that Dick Cheney is in the Emil Verban Club? Maybe his chubby for Beltran is pretty big, too.
I no want to play in front of the ivory!
We are nothing compared to the man-love Sloth is showing B.C. What gives? Did they recently post a B.C. pic from grade school and Sloth was so confused by his usual jail-baiting that he felt compelled to defend him?
It’s true: B.C. gets a lot of heat, but it’s lively and mostly constructive. If he learns to take some of the critical pointers and shrug off the juvenile b.s., more’s the better.
Andy! You should take some pointers from me and B.C. if you want to go fishing for groaners. Oy gavelt!
Wait, I don’t want proofreading to become a prereq.
I think the Cubs outfield would be
lf Pierre
cf Beltran
rf Patterson
The best deployment would be
lf Pierre
cf Patterson
rf Beltran
Basically weakest arm (Juan) to strongest (Carlos).
But the amazing thing would be to see if you could hit a ball to that outfield and if it didn’t end up in the stands what the odds would be that it would touch the grass?
The Cubs pitching staff (except Carlos) is a strikeout-flyball staff. So there’d be a better likelihood of reaching on a dropped third strike than of getting on with a bloop hit.
By editing, I meant more than proof-reading (though, that’s always good). Specifically, if BC writes a column which includes a particularly incomprehensible joke (which wouldn’t be funny even if explained), maybe he gets out the red pen.
I don’t think people are piling on poor BC because of the article, but because it’s actually hilarious to read the reader reaction.
It is not unlike Gene, Gene, the Dancing Machine from The Gong Show. The funny part wasn’t Gene’s dancing, it was the reaction of everyone throwing stuff at him and the frentic cutaways to Chuckie-Baby and Jaye P. Morgan.
There’s your oddball connection of the day. Have fun.
Word.
Just because I said ivory instead of ivy doesn’t mean I’m spanish. Hell man I’m from Louisiana! I Guarantee!!
Sorry, I don’t think the reader reaction is always hilarious when it comes to BC. Sometimes, but not usually.
BC don’t have any pictures of me that I havent already seen. I just remember being a young wannabe, who got criticized all the way to changing my major. Probably he’s tougher than me.
And, left-wing? Just because I don’t want to see any more people die for no reason? If that’s what it takes, then I guess all my votes for Reagan, Bush Sr, Dole, and Bush Jr in 2000 don’t matter…
B-sides, if we’re gonna bash people, let’s bash YOU, Angry Reader #7. If we’re talking war of wits, I could whip yer ass with one brain tied behind my back, you mouthbreathing jackload!
Gotta say that the fake-Dennis Miller rant was better than anything BC could dream of writing.
The sloth’s taking his ball and going home. http://www.uncouthsloth.blogspot.com
Hey, you can watch a Cubs-Cards game from this year, right now, and you get to hear me!
http://mlb.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/mlb/video/ibn.jsp
I just went to Sloth’s blog for the first time and I read his bio. I have to hail his admiration for Urge Overkill’s "Sister Havana". Just this past Friday, a friend and I proclaimed it the Most Underrated Song of the ’90s.
Bush voters are either immoral or stupid.
Everybody likes wings, but the far-lefty variety at http://www.sorryeverybody.com/gallery/1/ really get stuck in my craw. Boo effing hoo.
Thankfully the pierced goth college students of the world are taking time off from hitting the bong long enough to use the computer and digi-cam mommy and daddy provided and are out there apologizing for the will of 52% of the nation.
All one has to do is take a look at those clowns on the Sorry Everbody site and consider the source.
I still plan on coming here, though, Angry. At least until Andy takes HIS ball and goes home, which he threatened last month. If THAT was my fault, I apologize, but I somehow don’t think so.
Don’t see what’s so great about one less blog in the world, even if it was mine.
I believe I cursed Urlacher today.
http://chicagosports.chicagotribune.com/sports/football/bears/cs-041115bears,1,4865980.story?coll=cs-home-headlines
I can just smell 4-9 now. Booo!
And by the way Sloth, I never threatened to leave. I just let everybody know that I almost did. I wasn’t looking for a Save Ferris campaign. Once I decide to pack it in, I’ll be gone.
But it’s going to be a while. I was going to take it easy this offseason and I’ve posted almost every damn weekday. Oh, well.
No, I don’t see what’s great about one fewer blog, especially yours, Sloth. I hope this hiatus was something you want to do because you need a break, not because some thin-skinned people got pissed off and you were offended that they were pissed. (That means you just might be reaching people.)
Sloth (and many others) should be encouraged that Lindsay Lohan has spilt from her faggy Mexican boyfriend.
God I miss Jennifer Love Hewitt.
Ferris Bueller, distinguished alumnus of Glenbrook North. Home of Scott Sandberg, Dave Rader, John Hughes, Chris Collins, 2004 7A Football Quarterfinallists, and Powder Puff Football.
I think the 10 wins this year were more than in my four years there combined. And I didn’t even play, so it wasn’t my fault.
Here’s hoping the Sloth will still do the occasional run to Bob Chin’s or some other Wheeling establishment.
And e-mail me your babe pics. I’ll post ’em.
I thought I was the most popular Hispanic athlete of all time!
Bill "I’m in way over my head" Callahan called Oklahoma fans "f@#$ing rednecks" after the Huskers 30 (could have been 300)-3 loss to OU on Saturday.
Also, a Nebraska player apparently assaulted an OU fan on the field during warmups, the second time in two years a Huskers player has hit an opposing fan.
You’d think with all the practice they’re getting at losing that they could handle it better.
http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=1923405
You know, someday, the Bulls are actually going to trade Curry, and then I’m going to have to start putting some actual thought into my column. Or start my "trade Tyson Chandler" campaign.
Hey, #38, it was a "collision" not an assault. Although since the student lost several teeth, it’s likely that his mouth somehow collided with my fist.
Screw you, Groucho. You know once Eddy gets traded you’ll start a fire me campaign.
We all got MVP votes!
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?page=nlmvpvoting
Sorry, Buddy, you didn’t.
1. Barry Bonds
2. Neifi Perez
3. Carlos Zambrano
4. John Mabry
5. Tork Walzielanek
6. Corey Patterson’s August
7. Kent Mercker
8. Mark Loretta
9. Mr. and Mrs. Carlos and Francis Beltran
10. Endy Chavez’s enormous glove
WashingTONs of FUN Mascot: Star Jones
Washington Bullets – Mascots: Wes Unseld and Lee Boyd Malvo.
Washington Orgasms – Mascot: The redheaded chick from the Overstock.com commercials.
BTW, who is the chick in the Overstock.com commercials?
That’s funny. My wife said she was over 18. So what’s she doing on tape with R Kelly?
The Overstock.com girl’s name is Sabine Ehrenfeld.
Gary,
not sure how old your wife is now, but according to the news, the tape is 10 years old.
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