Gabor Bako’s sterling effort yesterday forced us to change the Bak-o-meter for the first time in almost two months. Bako had two hits, drove in two runs and nearly looked like an actual big league ballplayer. Now, I urge him to do the only prudent thing and quite while he’s ahead. The retirement announcement should be planned for just after noon Pacific Daylight Time. But alas, it won’t be.
The best news to come out of yesterday’s 5-1 Cubs win over the Rockies wasn’t that the Cubs have won eight of ten, or that they’re still 4-0 in the Nomar Era, but rather that The Franchise, Mark Prior, looked like himself. The radar gun reading that WGN-TV had on its status bar were troubling, though. For the first couple innings, Prior wasn’t getting the ball out of the 88-89 MPH range. Then, Steve Stone announced they were taking the readings off, because they were “three to four MPH slow.”
George Ofman’s rabbit ears perked up, I’m sure and he began writing his ‘season ending arm surgery’ lede for the ninth time this year. Prior then blew a succession of fastballs past Jeromy Burnitz and made Todd Greene look even more foolish than normal, and faith was restored.
It took a couple of diving stops, one by Todd Walker and one by E-ramis, but Prior mostly cruised through his start. A couple of pitch around walks to Todd Helton and nine strikeouts put him over 100 pitches for the first time all year. Unlike his last start in which he left with a lovely, angry, gesture at the home plate umpire, this time he left the game with a grin on his face. Mr. Stoic couldn’t hide the fact that things felt pretty good out there. For a team that thrives on good pitching, that was certainly good news.
Writers are making a big deal out of the Cubs’ players asking that Chip Caray and Steve Stone be banned from the charter flights with the team. Mariotti put down the doughnut to decry it and Ed Sherman went out of his way to defend Chip and Steve.
I think both are (and have always been) world-class, simplistic, morons. I just have a feeling that the Cubs’ players don’t think Chip and Steve are too critical of them. I just think they find both of them annoying. Especially Chip.
You don’t think they get tired of having their friends and family tell them about Chip’s constant praising of The Beege or Albert Pujols’ supposedly golden glove? You don’t think they don’t have people constantly telling them that Chip can’t judge a flyball, or that they should bludgeon him with dinner rolls for all of his “hilarious” references to Steve never wanting to play for dinner? I’m sure some of it is whatever criticism Chip and Steve make about the team. Chip is clearly uncomfortable whenever any Cubs player shows any real emotion on the field. I’m not saying he needs to applaud The Lawnmower’s fist pump, but it just seems like anytime a player gets mad about anything, Chip sounds like he thinks his broadcast booth is going to get re-invaded by the bullies on the playground when he was a kid who used to pull his underwear up over his chubby kid breasts and empty his pudding cup into his pants.
Chip is not a popular broadcaster among the fans. And, unlike John Jackson I do not think that Chip is ever up to the task of calling a big moment. I cringe at the thought of him getting to call the end of Maddux’s 300th win (if Greg can just do it tomorrow, Chip won’t get to). Remember how horrifically he botched Sammy’s 500th homer call? It was nearly as bad as a senile, Parkinsons’ riddled Jack Buck’s weird “Planet 62′ call of McGwire’s historic home run call. But Buck had already etched his legacy with at least three well known calls during which he was absolutely on top of his game, “Go crazy folks, go crazy” for that horrendous little Ozzie Smith homer in the playoffs against Tom Niedenfeur, the immortal “I don’t believe…what I just saw” for Kirk Gibson’s 1988 World Series homer and my favorite, the “We’ll….see you, tomorrow” when Kirby Puckett and the Twins avoided elimination in game six of the 1991 World Series against the Braves on Kirby’s homer.
By the way, I think Inside Edition had a similar call for a highlight of Kirby’s at a Minneapolis bar in which he said, “Hey baby…I’ll see you…with my one good eye…in the bathroom!” Or something.
Anyway, where was I? That’s never a good sign. It’s a sure sign that you’ve turned into horrific comic Gary Gulman when your pointless story gets so completely pointless that you forget what your pointlessness was originally about.
Jackson rated each of the Chicago radio broadcasters, but he left out the wacky SAP team for FSN coverage of Sox games. They left them out because nobody has ever actually bothered to listen to them.
He gave high marks to Stone, who largely doesn’t deserve them anymore and Pat Hughes who does. He likes John Rooney, and that’s surprising because I’ll bet Rooney and Jackson have come to blows over the last of the chicken strips in the Comiskey media lounge on several occassions, and like everybody else he thinks Ed Farmer is a little weird. As for Ron Santo…he is what he is…a big, legless, toupee’d homer who is inherently lovable.
As for Mariotti’s “effort” today, what the hell was it about? Are we supposed to decode it with the Rosetta Stone? What the hell was it? He wants salad-tossing Greggie pitching game seven of what? I like Greg, but when the playoffs come he gets one, maybe two of his six-inning, three run starts and then gets out of the way for the big boys. Honestly, though, that column had nothing to do with Greg, and had everything to do with Jay trying to rehash the same tired old crap about how Dusty’s team is on the edge all the time.
As for Sherman, it’s hard to take anybody seriously who can’t breathe through his nose and gives off that whole slack-jawed yokel vibe all the time.
Hey ma! I’s gots me a column about golfin’ and such in the Terbune!
The Franchise looked good, and so did the Cubs. At least until Sammy Sosa channelled Pele for the play with two outs in the ninth.
The Lawnmower is suspended. He’ll start Wednesday instead of Tuesday. Oooh…that’ll teach him a lesson.
Like Jim Edmonds, Dusty likes to relax with some booze and a willing pooch.
Rick Morrissey on the pathetic antics of the Red Sox front office.
Jerry Azumah will be back in October! Maybe. Woof.
The Bears aren’t after Keenan McCardell. This new offense can’t feature a slow, washed up wideout like last year’s could.
Kenny Williams says the trade for Roberto Alomar will send a message to his team. It does. Loud and clear. That message is, “Hey, let’s get all the jerkoffs we had last year back and we can miss the playoffs again!”
Jamal Crawford has finally gone away. He’s gonna love playing with Steph Marbury. Just like the way you and I enjoy a novacaine-free root canal!
Ron Guenther says there’s no magic number to save Ron Turner’s job. I’m guessing there’s a tragic number though. Anything three or less.
The Wizard of Roz defends Chip.
Today’s rumor is that Nomar hurt his Achilles’ while playing soccer. Just what the hell does this have to do with anything? Now I know why Yankees fans enjoy piling on the Red Sox whenever they get the chance.
Peja wants out. Preferably to a team that won’t make the playoffs so he can’t constantly be exposed for choking when it counts. Hey, the Bulls would be perfect! How about Dikembe for Peja?
Who is John Kerry’s campaign manager and why does he let him do and wear things like this?
The world’s greatest newspaper found a guy who shaves his head to look like a baseball.
Oops, if you followed the link in today’s Insider, you just got the strategy for the old Track and Field game. This is the link to the PC version.
http://www.miniclip.com/minilympics.htm
And if you don’t get insider, you can sign up here http://groups.yahoo.com/group/desipio/join
–gratuitous plug–
I can’t believe nothing was said in the paper about the fact that the team charter left with Chip and Stoney, and WITHOUT Sammy!!
Ooops! Ow..ow..owwww! Hot potato…whoops..ow..ow…hey, buddy, sit still…oooops! Ow!!
Don’t worry, Sammy. I’ve got plenty of gas to fly from Denver to San Francisco. Better put this life jacket on, though.
If Sammy missed his flight, he can carpool with Del Griffith and me after I get my rental car from Edie McClurg.
"I want a f—ing car, right f—ing now."
Isn’t Mariotti’s article contain about 50% of an article he wrote a week or so ago? The whole "Maddux has no ego/dig-me room" thing seems awfully familiar.
Bako is on fire! He’s got those griddle marks on his a$$, like Del Griffith after he rode in the hot seat of the burned-up Plymouth.
That John Denver is a liar…..and dead.
My articles contain a minimum of 37% new material each time. The rest is filler gleaned from callers to my crappy, frantic radio show.
My last original thought was sometime around 1993, when I brainstormed "Bud (Light) Selig" as a witty derisive name for the commish.
Heh heh… Bud (Light). That’s good stuff. I gotta recycle that again soon.
Nice work on the Insider Track & Field link. If ya wanna play those old games, do a search on MAME.
It only took me 24 years, but I can now beat Missile Command.
Pac Man is still loathed, and Zaxxon don’t hold up. But Elevator Action was underrated.
Mame? Isn’t that just going to yield hits on my old lady?
Wow is Jay Mariotti an assclown. "Tropical Storm Dusty?" WTF?
Where’s Rosey Rosenbloom when you need a good unfunny, tired, overused, no-payoff nickname for a sports guy?
I am sure he’d be able to whip up something uninspired and non-clever like "Dust-Me" Baker or "Baker (Burns) Dust".
Or…! Ah, I give up.
Rosey calls Dusty, "Dusty Baylor."
Whatchu talkin’ ’bout, Willis? Zaxxon ROCKED!!
Correct, Sloth. RockED. Zaxxon doesn’t hold up over time.
But Tron does. Playing the Tank piece on a PC is a bitch.
If only MAME could be configured to run Spy Hunter…
I like Joe Morgan now. Someone axed him about his role in the ’76 "Griffy Sr." versus "Bill Matlock" Batting Title race.
He corrected the spelling on Griffey but Matlock, He Wrote, 5 or 6 more times.
> Rick (Pierre): During the last game of the ’76 season, Ken Griffy Sr. was 3 points ahead of Bill Matlock for the batting crown. Rumor is that you suggested that he sit during the game (which eventually lost him the batting title). Any truth to that?
> Joe Morgan: That is correct. Matlock sat on Saturday and didn’t play in hopes that Griffey would go 0-4 and he did. I suggested he not play on Saturday since Matlock wasn’t playing. I felt if Matlock wasn’t playing then he shouldn’t play. Griffey played a lot more games that season than Matlock. But then I felt he should have played the last day!
> Joe Morgan: That’s one of the things that bothers me still. Griffey deserved to be the batting champ that year. I wish I would have exerted more energy to get him to sit that Saturday that Matlock didn’t play.
Mariotti was the guy in April that said Maddux was washed up after he had 3 bad starts in a row wasnt he?? What a f’ing moron
Mariotti also said that the Cubs were 100% over with just after the terrible Cards series. Now the Sox are over with and the Cubs have a shot. This guy sucks.
Actually, Pete, you don’t need to go back to April to see Jay windsock. Check out this bowel movement from July 10th–less than a month ago–after the Friday night game in St. Louis when Maddux had a rough night:
http://www.suntimes.com/output/mariotti/cst-spt-jay10.html
Sorry, I don’t know how to hyperlink.
This is the first paragraph:
"What they needed on a steamy armpit of a night was the old Maddux, not Old Maddux. This was why the Cubs signed Greg Maddux last winter, so he could reach into his art kit and craft a masterpiece on cue. Every so often, the presence of his four-time Cy Young Award self would be required while he cashed those big paychecks, particularly in times when his team’s bats resemble silly putty."
Later, he had this gem:
"Actually, Maddux is a poor man’s Jason Marquis."
There’s more. It’s quite funny, especially when juxtaposed with today’s steaming pile. The guy is not only a no-talent assclown, but he is so utterly shameless, it ought to make his righteous indignations ring completely hollow.
I never saw no gladiator fly a plane, buddy!
If I can get above the Mendoza line, can I be upgraded from "Lousy" to "Sucks?" Wait… is that an improvement?
I got some Bud Light to recycle on Mariotti – maybe it’s Duff Light.
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/chronicle/archive/2004/08/06/SPGE183SJG1.DTL
love letter to greggie in SF Chron of all papers.
best line (talking about #300): There will be any number of ways (beer) the many Cubs fans (beer) in attendance Saturday will celebrate (beer) this achievement if it does occur.
Ray Ratto’s funny. He’s also pushing morbid on the obesity scale.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
But he does write a consistently funny column.
Actually Mariotti’s article today had to be the first one where he didnt reference Bartman
Hey. I’m the king of all Chicago media. You don’t understand how much pull I have here. My show’s great. Around the Horn is quality programming, and anyone who says otherwise is either a Tribster, Dan McNeill, or Hawk Harrelson. Now, get me a bear claw.
Can we trade columnists? We’ll take Mariotti and roast him nightly, and you can have Shaughnessy, so he can talk about every game being a constant reminder of The Billy Goat Curse.
The BoSox Curse thingy sells my book.
Which means, of course, that I have no integrity.
News on ESPN at in the 11:00 (MST) hour has Jason Schmidt moved up to start tonight and no news on who will start tomorrow.
Oh, great, Jason Schmidt almost had a no-hitter last time he faced the Cubs. Why me?
At least they’re gift-wrapping number 300 for me by changing Schmidt for some schmoe.
Whoa, I’m 0-9 with 6 K’s against Schmidt.
But we’ve got Nomar! Bring it!
At least Jack Buck had the imagination and the talent to come up with some of those good calls.
I know being a Cubs’ fan I am biased, but why do I get the feeling that Joe Buck’s most famous comment will be his "Corky" joke he made about Sammy Sosa?
To Chuck (#16) – Spy Hunter is available for play at Shockwave.com.
Crazy Climber was da bomb for me
Hey BC,
I’m sure you have some creative comments saved up for your first game story when you cover junior high girls basketball for the Decatur Herald and Review. I’ll send you a postcard from the World Series and the Super Bowl.
Hey…..Did you know that Jim Edmonds grew his hair out?
That’s Pooholes in the back without his uniform.
It’s a special day when Hillbilly Jim wrestling a dog while his granny looks on makes an appearance in The Daily Dose.
Hey, Geek.
I’ve got the ROM for SpyHunter for MAME, but I can’t configure a good way to play it on the keyboard.
Crazy Climber is tremendous. I love the bird that craps on you (gotta be a Cardinal joke in there somewhere). I also always got knocked off on the second building when the girders come crashing down.
Food Fight was also great, especially the Watermellon Levels.
I’m dead, bitch!
I’m dead bitch!
Click "Abuse Me".
Now thats the reason the internet was invented. THAT, porn and desipio.
The Cardinals’ television broadcast this evening is saying that the Rocky Mountain News is reporting Larry Walker has approved a trade from the Rockies to the Cardinals.
No word on what would be traded to the Rockies, nor is there any word if Walker has even cleared waivers.
Apparently the deal has been approved, except for the fact Walker must pass a physical done by the Cardinals’ training staff (Insert Jim Edmonds joke here…) for the trade to be official.
The St. Louis Post-Dispatch is reporting that the Cardinals traded three minor leaguers to the Rockies. The only one named so far is Chris Narveson. He also reports that the Rockies will be paying at least 9 million of Walker’s 15 million dollar salary next year.
Why the phuck are we at the top of the order?
Right thru Abe’s head.
Dusty wants me to be more like Lou Brock. I am looking at his early career strikeout totals and I feel like I am right on track! His OBP was pretty close to mine too!
http://www.baseball-reference.com/b/brocklo01.shtml
Whoo, 20 LOB! We gone done out-did ourselves. 7 for Sammy P Sosa himself…was anybody else yelling at him through the TV to bunt Nomar and Alou over in the 7th? He didn’t listen.
HA! I just traded for Larry Walker! Take THAT, bitches!
All this Clement bashing is fucking lame.
My pitching was pretty lame, too.
Well, let’s see…five innings thrown, five hits, and four walks. Two baserunners per inning, plus a pair of home runs served up…I don’t think it’s unfair to criticize the fellow.
HA, Walt! But can you beat trading for Robbie Alomar??
Walks aren’t hits, though, #59! Whenever do walks come back to haunt you?
Oh, well, just saying what up from Canada!
Shut up, Kenny. Go dig up Harold Baines from his coffin and put a uniform on him again.
Will they have enough money to re-sign me?
Nope, they need to re-sign meee!
The Cardinals got Larry Walker? How does that happen? It seems like someone’s always looking out for the Cardinals. I don’t get it.
Just kidding. We don’t care, we’re too busy trying boot Chippy’s ass from our charter plane!
Dear Edgar,
We have enough money.
Love,
Theo
"Maddux hopes to provide a San Francisco treat in tomorrow’s game!"
I piss on you, Chip.
Hey, don’t keep the crappy preformance spotlight on Clement! I had 4 strikeouts last night!
Baaaaaaad night for me. 11 strikeouts by Schmidt…and 7 of them to me and Corey.
The reason I have about 8 of my 11 losses:
I lose my sh1t over everything. Case in point: Barrett can’t catch a pitch so the runner gets on, and I promptly freak out and give up a big 3 run homer. Last game: 2 errors, and after each? 2 run homer.
Obviously, I’ve been screwed by the offense and defense, but me sacking up and not giving up gopher balls with runners on base might help, too.
Boston wanted the gutless Clement for some reason–he would’ve fit right in with the pussies in Beantown. We should have moved him and Sammy for Lowe (move him to the bullpen) and ManRam–THEN we’d have a team.
WTF does Dusty insist on hitting the black hole of Sosa ahead of his best hitter in Aramis? Not batting Nomar and Aramis back-to-back is a phrucking waste.
I’m better than Lou Brock! Dusty said so!!
My corpse made a little noise tonight. Gotta show up against pops, but I’ll be back to sleepwalking through games in time for the Padres.
Buddy did I hurt my stupid groin again? I limped to first in the 7th. If this means 2 weeks of Ramon Martinez at 3rd, that would be real lame.
CPat and DLee fought over me last night.
One more for either and it would have been a Golden Shower.
I’m the number of wins Greg Maddux has. Congratulations
How bout it for Greg Maddux!
Remember when?
Congratulations, Greg Maddux.
A double and another RBI!
It’s a celebration, bitches!!!
Injured achillies? HA I went 3-5 with a double and my second stolen base as a Cub.
What the hell is up with my batting average? it’s gone up to .202… who knew?
Meanwhile, I have hit .143 over my last 7 games. Should I be worried about my job??
I am sick of Boston media saying that I was faking my injury so I am sitting out tonight. I figure from Saturday night to Tuesday night gives me three days to rest.
Hey coach, can I play tonight? What, I’m not on the team anymore?
I’m 0 for my last 14 including 8 strikeouts, did I mention I’m hitting .167 against lefties
Why do I even bother to get in position?
We love Barry Bonds, we can’t stop talking about him!!!!!
Oh, what’s happening in the game again?
I’m due up second in this inning, Time to K!
Instead of striking out
I just grounded into a DP
No more K’s, how about a DP, buddy?
Sounds good man
#88, you are not my buddy, buddy!
Hey Noah, how about I give you all the calls, okay?
Sorry, loved the DP so much Sammy……Thank you so very much Sammy……… Now I can strike out Barrett while the ump gives me all the calls.
You’re a better hitter than me, buddy.
Now I fly into a Double Play, I can find every way to kill a possible rally!!!!!
Not only is Nomar sitting out, we seem to all have been replaced by retarded little kids from the worst fundmental team in the t-ball league.
Could we have possibly played worse baseball tonight?
I cannot never sit out again.
I really really suck. Buddy.
Go away, Sammy. Nomar can be our sports hero.
What a stupid play by Grudzielanek to throw to 1st when he had the runner at 2nd. A infield ground ball that moved the runner from 1st to 3rd…isn’t he in there for his "superior" defense? Whatever, man, how coordinated you are doesn’t really matter if you’re dumb as a bag of hair.
Sorry, I have been riding Kerry too hard lately. I will make sure he has more in the tank next time.
Sorry, no K tonight.
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