This is how things have been going lately. I have the Score set on my clock radio in the morning, and every day lately it goes off, I hear Mike Murphy say something stupid, I throw the clock radio at the wall then I get up and get ready for work.
This morning was no different. Except maybe, for the fact, that the callers were even dumber than he is, for once.
No, scratch that, that’s impossible, they were almost as dumb as he is for once.
The consensus out there this morning was that the Cubs should bench Corey Patterson in favor of Tom Goodwin. When the first guy suggested it, I thought perhaps I had misheard and the words Carlos Beltran just sounded like Tom Goodwin.
When another guy did it, I tore a spindle off the headboard and jammed it into my right ear.
Some other dumbass suggested that Todd Hollandsworth should play right field every day. He was serious.
According to STATS, Inc. here are the 162 game averages for each player.
Todd Hollandsworth: .277 BA, 15 homers, 59 RBI, .334 OBP, .446 SLG
Sammy Sosa: .278 BA, 43 homers, 117 RBI, .349 OBP, .547
Which one’s better? Anyone? Anyone?
But let’s get back to Patterson and Goodwin. As much as Corey has struggled, and it’s been a lot. He’d be a better player than Goodwin even if they never fixed his ACL tear.
I don’t know how many people have noticed this, but Tom Goodwin is bad. He’s been bad pretty much his entire career. The only difference between him now and a few years ago is that now he’s old and bad, and not just bad.
The last time Goodwin was a regular player was 2001 in Los Angeles. He played in 105 games that year. Look at these eye popping numbers.
He hit .231, with an on base average of a whopping .286 and an slugging percentage of .336. He stole 22 bases in 30 tries.
Given their alternatives (which, really, are none) there’s no reason Corey shouldn’t be the every day centerfielder. There is, however, no reason he should bat anywhere but seventh until he gets a freakin’ clue.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go see if somebody can pull this spindle out of my ear.
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Carlos Zambrano isn’t among the best pitchers in baseball right now.
They are among him. He is the best pitcher in baseball right now. Sure you can tell me that Roger Clemens is 7-0. That’s nice. Fat Roger’s good, no doubt about it. But Carlos is off the charts right now.
If you take away one effort, a 9-0 loss to the Big Unit in Arizona, these are Carlos’ numbers on the season.
Buckle up.
4-0, 0.60 ERA, 45 innings pitched, three earned runs, 45 strikeouts, 11 walks.
Huh? Holy crap.
Throw the bad start in and he’s still 4-1 with a 1.82 ERA. It’s obscene.
Now let’s get in the time machine and let’s go back to 2001. Carlos Zambrano isn’t yet the Lawnmower, he’s more like the Weed Eater. He’s 19 years old and in the Major Leagues. The Cubs pitching coach is Oscar Acosta, and Oscar refuses to work with Carlos. Says he’s “uncoachable.”
Oscar got his ass fired.
I think we know why.
Sure Carlos got lit up, but he was NINETEEN! If you don’t want to coach a talented, competitive, bad ass like Carlos, you need a new line of work.
Which is just what Oscar got.
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Ed Sherman teases me twice in this article.
Let’s review:
The Cubs have a prominent free agent in their midst. Fans definitely will notice if he is not around next year.
Chip Caray is in the final year of his contract. The Cubs’ television play-by-play man, in his seventh season, speaks of decades when it comes to his tenure with the team .
Sure, we’ll notice if he’s not around next year. Our ears will stop bleeding. We’ll notice that.
Honestly, if Chip is around for decades, I’ll be blind and deaf by 2007.
“I’m hoping for another 30 years here,” Caray said. “I love my job. The city has been great to me. I hope to be here for as long as they’ll have me.”
The city hasn’t been great to you, dumbass. This is just so typically Chip. He knows we don’t like him. He knows he sucks at his job, and he won’t admit it. He’s delusional. At least grandpa was a drunk, so he had an excuse. Chip’s just a moran.
How long is the subject of much speculation these days. Gossip, being what it is, has Caray out at the end of the year.
John McDonough, the Cubs’ head of broadcasting and marketing, tried to shoot down the rumors Thursday.
“There’s nothing to them,” McDonough said. “Chip’s under contract for us. It’s not fair for him or us to talk about his next contract at this point.”
Sure, and remember when Joe Carter was “under contract” and there was nothing to rumors that he was out and Steve Stone was coming back?
Things have been quiet of late for Caray. Two years ago, he came under fire from critics and fans. Then he fueled the story even more when he responded to the criticism.
Back then, Caray struggled to find a rhythm working with two analysts, including Joe Carter, who wasn’t up to the job. That changed with the return of Steve Stone in 2003.
Caray has allowed Stone to do what he does best—analyze the game. They enjoy working with each other, and their rapport is evident on the broadcast.
Things have been quiet for Chip? Everywhere you turn people are talking about how much he sucks and how he should leave. He still hasn’t moved his pretend wife and family from their imaginary home in Orlando. Does that sound like a guy who thinks he’s going to be around for the long term?
Chip does not allow Steve to “do what he does best–analyze the game.” Chip never shuts the hell up. If they enjoy each other, then they should go enjoy each other off camera and away from our favorite team. Watching the Cubs should not take effort, but it does when you have to sift through the smarm that oozes out of that wretched booth.
Dan Bernstein’s contract with WSCR-AM 670 runs out at the end of next week. Obviously there’s some wrangling going on, but at the end of the day, expect a deal to get done.
Sure, why would the Score want to break up that dream team of Boers and Bernstein? It’s not like you could shake a tree and find two guys who would be entertaining.
No, wait, you could.
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I think we can all agree that the Iraqi POW story has been vastly underreported (snicker, snicker). But leave it to us to have to step in and put things in perspective.
The reason Americans are so upset at the treatment those POWs have received is simple. Americans have an unrealistic view of what a POW camp is like. And this is why.
Long before he was making his own porn, Bob Crane made a TV series that showed just how much fun Nazi POW camps could be.
I’ve got news for you, it’s kind of an exaggeration as to how great it really was. In real POW camps, you didn’t get to wear a leather jacket, bang the secretary, and hide a tunnel under the pot belly stove. You also didn’t have to put up with Richard Dawson, but that’s a whole other issue.
There’s another misunderstanding in this whole fiasco. I find this one particularly tragic. People see those photos of the Iraqis with the hoods on, some naked, some wearing tasteful smocks, and they don’t realize that this isn’t torture! It’s national pride! These are the new Iraqi Olympic Soccer uniforms!
See, it’s just a misunderstanding.
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This just in: The Lawnmower is very good. And I’m a big fan of “The Lemons” nickname. Nice job. The Bako meter is at “Sucks” for one day at least.
Sammy needed a day off. At least that’s what Dusty told him.
The Farns has been hurt three times in the last three years. Two of them were batting practice flyball shagging incidents. Wow, he’s a dumbass.
Kerry got more tests, and he passed them all. And Mark Prior’s the one with the college degree?
Could the RedEye be worse? Is that possible? Somebody gets paid to write this crap? If whoever wrote this was just a little less talented, he could write for ESPN’s Page 2.
Terry Armour is fed up with the cell phone guys. How original. I wish we’d thought of it.
John Jackson says Fox Sports Net’s Walter Payton “Beyond the Glory” is nicely done.
There’s loyalty, and then there’s folly. Dusty’s Regular Joe fetish is pure folly.
Worst…trade rumor…ever. Freddy Garcia to Kansas City, Johnny Damon and BH Kim to Seattle, Carlos Beltran to Boston? That’s just stupid, for KC at least.
Shannon Sharpe might replace Deion Sanders on the NFL Today. That’s like replacing diarrhea with the dry heaves.
Rupert won the $1 million from the fans. Was there ever any doubt? I’m not ashamed to say I voted for the hairy bastard, too.
Prostitution is legal in Greece. So the Olympics will be fun. You know, until the whole town of Athens burns down.
Oh my god. Who would want to see any of those?
America’s finest news source with some handy commuting tips.
Dammit Dolan! I knew you’d be against my brilliant plan of starting Hollandsworth and Goodwin every day! Of course, if this ever happened, then I’d just bitch about how Sammy is being shown disrespect and Corey is sitting because Dusty Baker hates young players. And what about Jose Macias?!? He went 3-5 yesterday! That means he’ll go 3-5 every game for the rest of his career! How can Baker leave a potential .600 hitter on the bench? He should be fired!
Zambrano’s numbers mean he’ll be good trade bait later on so they can get a good backup outfielder to spell Goodwin once in a while down the stretch. Once we get to the World Series don’t forget that Bako can DH.
Big Z is going to KILL EVERYONE this year, what a pitcher! Loved it when he nailed Cora.
"Shout" Caray is a goner in my view, didn’t he have to pay his own way in to watch the Cubs in the playoffs last year?
What up y’all?
One of these days, me & Da Sco’ Management am gonna gits my contract squabbles all worked out too, now, BIG POTNUH!!!
Have I ever mentioned that Stoney never wants to pick up a check?
Somebody is posting as me. Keen observers can usually tell, if you notice a lack of moranic obscenties, then it is a fake Sloth.
Like, for example: the article about that stinkbush skank Lynndie England notes that she can face up to 15 years in a federal pen. That’s not gonna be a problem for her, since I figure it will be EZ for her to rise through the ranks to Head Bull Dyke.
See, that’s REAL Sloth.
Did the game yesterday really happen? I mean, seriously, how can Paul Bako AND Jose Macias get hits in the same game?!?!?
Tom Goodwin is NOT washed-up, he just isn’t an everyday player. Carlos Beltran is.
Come on, Joe, it’s time to leave. Your time’s up. You got to close for a playoff team for a year and get a new contract, just like we agreed.
Now, can you tell me where to find Esteban Loaiza? Got some business to take care of with him too.
My contract has expired. And will not be renegotiated.
Christ, I hope Kathy Brock leans over my casket at the funeral.
Excuse me Satan? I’d like to talk to you about a deal when you get a chance.
The only way that Tom Goodwin is not "washed up" is if you assume that you once had to be good to become washed up. If the fact that he has maintained a general level of suckitude for a number years and is still sucking at that level, then you are correct that he is not washed up.
I’m not washed up.
Goodwin is not, by any means, a horrible player. We like to make fun of him because he’s old, goofy looking and does some dumb stuff at times. But he’s a servicable .269/.334/.341 lifetime hitter. Not a starter but definately a capable backup (he’s an average fielder).
We know he’s not a power guy so his slg is going to be low. But here are some of Tommy’s splits.
2003-.287/.328/.363 (87 games)
2002-.260/.321/.338 (78 games)
2000-.263/.346/.352 (147 games)
1998-.290/.378/.338 (109 games)
1996-.282/.334/.330 (143 games)
1995-.288/.346/.358 (133 games)
I’d be thrilled to death if Korey could manage to hit .280 with and OPB around .335.
Flame suit on…..
TW:
I may have been exaggerating a bit, but you mention the key difference between Corey and Goodwin: power. If Corey hits .280 and has an OBP of .335, he at least brings some extra base power to go along with the dreadful OBP.
Goodwin did hit a big HR to win that game in Pittsburgh last year, but he is not going to consistently hit the ball in the gaps or out of the park.
I was designated for assignment by the Mets today…you know you’d rather see me at Wrigley over Rey Ordonez!
I must go sign "Goo-tie"…then all I need to complete my collection of light-hitting Hispanic middle infielders is Rey Sanchez.
What am I?
Don’t forget me, Jim!
Not to go all Rob Neyer on you but…..I don’t think that a .335 is that bad nowadays. The days of the .400 OBP are slowly dwindling. Most of the active leaders in OBP are the power guys (Bonds, Giambi, Thome, Thomas). In fact, of the top 30 (at .378 OBP and above), all are straight power guys except Bernie Williams, Brian Giles, Abreu, Olerud, Salmon and Kendall. It seems that most hitters, if they aren’t feared to hit the ball out of the park, have OBP’s in the area of .350-.370 (which is a difference of about 13 extra times on base). The last time a non-power guy led the league was 94 (NL-Gwynn) and 93 (AL-Olerud).
Of course these are just my limits, you standards may be higher.
Chumps-<.300 (Gonzo, Patterson)
Servicable-.300-.320 (A-Ram, Barrett)
Decent-.320-.340
Good-.340-.360 (Sosa, Lee, Walker)
Great-.360-.380 (Alou)
Excellent=>.380
Let’s not forget me. We can bring together the great Cubs middle infielders of the 90’s.
You guys aren’t good enough to hold my jock.
I’m with TW’s scale.
Let’s get the Bakometer up to Decent (.324), up from my Serviceable career number of .314. My Bakometer graphic tops out at Sucks. I must need a browser upgrade.
Don’t knock Vizcaino. Anyone who can play shortstop with a cast on his hand deserves our respect, even if his manager doesn’t deserve it.
what is all this tom goodwin talk?
plain and simple, the guy sucks. so does bako and so does macias. people, get real, everybody gets lucky every once in awhile.
the guy who should be playing centerfield for patterson too, is hollandsworth. the guy makes positive things happen when he is in the lineup. baker should get a clue about this. it’s right in front of his face.
Throwing Hollandsworth out there in center almost every day would just kill our outfield defense. I like his bat too, but asking him to do that, especially between two below-average guys range-wise in Alou and Sosa, is not good for our defense at all. IMO of course.
Hey, at least nobody’s talking about bringing back McStiff…
Actually, you’re wrong about why people are so upset about the Iraqi prisoner abuse. Try that the Democrats and their friends in the media are obsessed with anything that can be used to trash Bush and get Captain Botox in the White House so he can just wish all the world’s evil away. If al-Qaeda’s horrific beheading on tape of Nicholas Berg won’t make these people WAKE UP and realize the nature of the evil we are fighting, NOTHING will.
Oh, and as for Chip Caray, you’ll have every right to trash him as much as you do when he starts going on all the time about shillelaghs and proclaims that "anybody who’s booing is a yard-ape." It’s just as well that the Diamondbacks’ game isn’t on TV down here in Tucson tonight, because tonight is "Disco Night" at the BOB and I can only imagine how insufferable Gracie will be getting tonight. Probably it will be even worse than it was that Saturday Night Live-themed "Saturday Night Baseball" telecast…
Why am I nominated for all-star status? I know last year I received one 8th place MVP vote. Bak-o-meter should stay at sucks due to the fact that Bako has a new helmet because his head swelled up from yesterday’s intentional walk. As-holes gettin’ beat by Mets. Screw you Al Leiter "Fluid"
Please Hawkins. I like Jo Bo, but your arm is shot. Drink Old Style and drive the Ford (Tarauwski) home shit faced.
Hey Cubs you’re welcome!
…while the President and his cronies wish democracy in Iraq and he rest of the Middle East. Which will happen first?
liberating the Iraqi people was MY idea!!! MINE! MINE! MINE!
dying in a war is something the little people do.
Hey TW–
Where does my .628 fall on the OBP scale?
Did someone mention weak-hitting MI’s from the 90’s? I know i’m late to the party, but I’d hate to miss it entirely.