The Cubs refuse to do anything the easy way. We’ve seen evidence of this for about 96 years now, but especially this season. They staked the artist formerly known as The Franchise to a four run lead at the end of the first and he gave it right back. Last year, it looked like Prior could move mountains. This year, he’s only getting to the summit if a sherpa drags his overdeveloped ass all the way up.
It was not a fun day to pitch at Wrigley. The wind was howling out to left and the Cubs took advantage of it early with back-to-back-to-back homers from Lee, Sosa and Barrett. After Prior’s folly in the second (which included him walking the pitcher to the load the bases and hitting Jason Kendall to drive in a run) the Cubs would allow only one more run the rest of the way.
Once again, the biggest hit of the game would come off the bat of everybody’s favorite import shortstop…
…Neifi Perez? Seriously? He’s hitting 12 for 25 with three homers for the Cubs. There is no ration explanation for this. You just ride it out. Perez is the man now with Nomar and Ramon both part of the E-ramis Balky Groin Club. That club sounds a lot more fun than it really is. Nomar could be back for an appearance in Monday’s scheduled monsoon doubleheader in Florida. But that word is coming from the Cubs training staff. They are also pretty sure that Ken Hubbs will be available for that game, too. So take it for what it’s worth.
The Cubs had some fun making a punching bag out of perpetually stoned Pirates reliever Mark Corey. Pirates pitching coach Spin Williams visited Corey on the mound during the six run eighth and Corey requested “some of those really crunchy Cheetos, not the regular kind.” That’s never a good sign.
Dude, where’s my curveball?
The postgame was almost as interesting as the game. Dusty talked about E-ramis is “really sore” so he had to give him a day off, and because of that he couldn’t afford to rest Michael Barrett because “we needed some offense.” You could then hear Gabor Bako in the background as he angrily put down the accordian he was entertaining George Ofman with and said, haughtily, “Hey!”
Dusty said that “Sammy’s a great streak hitter. Especially when he’s hot.” This is, of course, to distinguish between the hot streak (great) and the not-so-hot streak (not so great). Thanks.
Mark Prior said this of Sammy, ”It’s nice to see Sammy stepping up and hopefully finding his swing. Obviously, we’re in this race, and he hasn’t produced a whole lot. When he’s going well, he’s going to protect everybody else in the lineup.”
Hey there Mr. Franchise. Who’s had a more disappointing season, the guy with 32 homers and 73 RBI in 109 games or the guy who’s 5-4 with a 4.87 ERA? How about you chirp up when you pass Glendon Rusch in wins this year?
Corey Patterson was asked about his game tying homer on Tuesday night and he had this to say. “I was shocked,” Patterson said. “It was pretty well hit, but I didn’t know it was going out. I didn’t think it was. I just stood there and I thought, ‘Just missed.’ When I saw Jason Bay running back, I thought, ‘Man, I better get on my horse because it might be off the wall, or it might be gone.'”
Gail Fisher spoke to Karry Ling and verified this report.
Sammy refused to speak with reporters after the game, to which Paul Sullivan took him to task. Seabiscuit’s Jockey would, however, have been the first to criticize Sammy if he had talked to the media and said, “Gladiators only talk when they’re playing well.” Well, let’s hope gladiators also stuff uppity, dwarf-like reporters into the hatchback of their 1987 Civic when they’re playing well.
—
The NHL lockout is upon us and I think I speak for America when I say, “Thank you!” Now we can watch SportsCenter and not have to nap through 12 minutes of hockey highlights. And it saves us from listening to blinky Stu Scott try and pronounce Zelepukin.
I’m not watching the second edition of Dream Job because every time I see season one “winner” Mike Hall on ESPNews I get the urge to kill myself. Why couldn’t Frank Francisco hit Mike Hall with a chair? Would that be so wrong?
—
Speaking of that “case” out in Oakland. Things are getting ugly for the “victim” Jennie Bueno.
Let’s just say that wasn’t a very long trip.
First, her attorney compared the Rangers lack of disclipline over their players to Abu Ghraib (that seems very rational, doesn’t it?), and then Jennie’s husband declared himself to be the A’s tenth man.
“I wouldn’t say I was a born heckler … (but) we got those seats for a specific reason,” Bueno said. “If you can be the 10th man, you want to do that. You call the guy a bum … you make fun of their ability.”
Then they make fun of your wife outweighing you by 140 pounds and somebody takes a chair to the face, is that how it works?
Jennie, between handfuls of bon bons said, “”It’s just part of going to the game. I don’t have any problem with him heckling. If I did, I wouldn’t go with him. Most of the time, I tune him out and pay attention to the game.” She also said that her wound would have been much worse except she was able to deflect part of the chair with her mustard and cheese covered SuperPretzel.
Someday we can only hope that Wrigley has a similar scene and it might sound like this:
“Cubs woo! Chair woo! Ouch woo! Nose woo! Broken woo! Dentures woo! Cracked woo! Brain trauma woo! Death woo!”
——–
The biscuit says that Sammy’s bat is going to do the talking.
Mark Prior says it’s going to be “fun” to play 12 games in 11 days, adding “How many chances do you get to lose three starts in the same week?”
Didn’t the media criticize Dusty for not yelling at his players? They finally see him do it and now they think it’s bad?
Jim Hendry can’t flip a coin to save his ass.
Rex wants to be just like Brett Far-vuh-ruh. Hide the painkillers and lock up the alcoholic sister!
Lovie’s not to fond of the way the Packers have been whuppin’ up on our Bears. He’s aiming to do something about it. This year would be nice.
How many Heismans does Beano Cook think that Darius Walker will win? Six? If only David Huh were still on the Notre Dame beat, he could have made about 19 witty Hootie the Blowfish references. For shame.
Mike Downey’s coma lifted long enough for him to twitch out a fresh column. He thinks Neifi Perez and Mike Wuertz are just the kind of heroes the Cubs need. I’m inspired, I can tell you that. Whoo!
Mariotti puts down the doughnut to state that he believes (like anybody give’s a rat ass what he believes) that Sammy needs a hot finish to save his legacy. Mariotti’s legacy, meanwhile would be enhanced by his admission that while in his mid-40s he’s never seen a woman in the nude without putting a $50 on the nightstand.
Mark Prior says he’s just not himself. Well, if he’s not going to be himself, could he at least stop being Bob Scanlan?
The Wizard of Roz says that Chris Chelios just might play for the Wolves this year. I put that in my “things I care about pile” right between “when’s George Hamilton going to get a new TV show” and “what’s mutton taste like?”
Hey, look who wrote the Atlanta Hawks preview on SI.com! Long live Boris Diaw!
Scott Rolen hurt his calf. That’s why they invented veterinary strength Astro-Glide, Scott. I hope the poor thing is going to be OK.
Khalil Greene is out for the season with a broken digit. The Chip and Steve love fest has been put on hold until March.
It’s official. Jessica Simpson is going to be Daisy Duke. Stilfer will be Bo Duke and Johnny Knoxville will try and fill Tom Wopat’s shoes as Luke. Sucker. Nobody can replace Wopat.
America’s finest news source says that female athetes are finally becoming attractive.
We are?
Hey we reported it. It has to be true.
The word on the street is that I’m the leading candidate to play Boss Hogg. Wouldn’t Dom DeLuise be a better candidate to play Boss Hogg and I could be Roscoe P. Coltrane?
Mean.
Funny, but mean.
Where’d I put those oats?
For some strange reason, the thought of paul Bako entertaining George Ofman with an accordion cracks me up.
If you get a chance, watch the HBO special "Nine Innings From Ground Zero". It’s damn good.
I’ve looked and looked, but I can’t seem to find any smart-ass Cub references from Senile Trader Jack McKeon after the Marlins getting swept by the Expos yesterday.
And that’s a shame about AJ Burnett’s elbow and Khalil Greene’s finger. Now, if Bonds can pull a hamstring and Roger Clemens can get a hernia, the Cubs should be set.
I just dont understand the Chicago media. They wrote an article based on the fact that Corey "was pissed" so after he hit the home run he goes in the wrong entrance to the dugout just to spite Dusty. Give me a break
Hey, now that I’m fired anyway, I think I’ll let Don Baylor manage the team for me next weekend when the Cubs come into town. I bet Corey will be pleased to see him.
Hey sports fans!
Watch me Hurricane-out the Cubs-Marlins doubleheader! Maybe Florida could "host" the doubleheader at PNC Park or Great American Ballpark, but US Cellular Field will be in use that day.
Terry Boers just told a Packers caller that all Packer fans are "camouflaged toothless penises". Classic.
Hey, he stole my idea!
I’m back. Sorry about my layoff, which I’m sure you were all quite upset about. But I’ve been out of town here lately.
Glad to see we finally got a sweept. What’s even more amazing is Sammy actually hitting the ball. I’m not surprised by Neifi Perez though for some reason. That’s how odd our season has become. A guy like that jumpstarting this team. Unbelievable!
Well let’s just see how we do with the Reds. I’ll be there for the game on Saturday. I’ll probably be rooting and bitching at the same time.
Go Cubs!
I know that most of you hate me…OK, all of you…but in a way to curry favor, I draw your attention to the following that I approved before the season started:
Chicago at Cincinnati (4)
Chicago at Florida (2)
Chicago at Pittsburgh (3)
Chicago at New York (3)
Seriously, if the damn hurricane hadn’t have shown up, your team would have had 13 in a row against the worst teams the NL can offer, so I’m hoping you’ll settle for 13 of 15.
Yeah, I know they are road games, but you will probably see about 60 percent Cub fans in attendance.
Next year, I’ll see if I can stick the Diamondbacks in there.
There’s not much more I can do…I’ve to got go call Wendy and Ned and tell them to start walking Barry again.
Dave B,
Was that the same Packer fan who went on and on about how the Packers organization and fans were so classy, but then ended the call by telling Boers and Hanley that they could "lick him"?
Screw you and your NHL bashing, Dolan. Other than MJ and Sweetness, this town’s never had bigger heroes than Mikita, Hull and Espo. The flipping tragedy is mean old Mr. Potter, aka Dickhead Wirtz, throwing our glorious history in the trash just to make a few extra bucks. What an ass.
Even if they’re finished, I’d like to see Chelios and JR come back to town to finish their careers.
It could be the same guy. I do know that one of the callers was trying to claim that the Bears-Packers game doesn’t mean anything to the fans because they know they’ll win. Yeah, that’s a good one. They’d take 2-14 (which they might be after Favre retires) if the two wins were against the Bears. He also chirped about how much the players love the fans and Green Bay and Brian Hanley chimed in "Yeah, I’m sure all the black guys love it there". Then Boers made a comment about Chmura and it set the guy off.
Dave B, that sounds more entertaining than anything on Mike North’s morning show this week.
Good to see the last Hawk fan in here.
I’m no expert but this seems a bit tame considering Brocail’s reaction:
Craig Bueno acknowledged that, before the fracas, he was part of some "bantering" with the Rangers that included such taunts as "Who is going to take the loss?" and "When are you going to lose?" but "no swear words."
He wouldn’t lie to help his case and get more money would he?
Thanks Lonely Hawks Fan for implicating Mr. Potter in this whole mess. I always knew Jake had more up his sleeves than college b-ball previews
Oh dear god, North has been brutal this week. It’s really bad since he is trying to do this terrible Stern impression where he tries to insult everyone in each story they run.
If it’s not Zigfried and Roy or black people, or gays, or Oprah, it’s Democrats, old people, and women.
#19—- good lookin’ out, bro….
George Bailey: People were human beings to my father. But, to you–a warped, frustrated old man–they’re cattle. Well, in my book, my father died a much richer man than you’ll ever be.
Mr. Potter: I’m not interested in YOUR book, I’m interested in the Bailey Building and Lo–
GB: I know what you’re interested in, Mr. Potter, and it’s something you can’t get your hands on, and it’s GNAWING at you.
Only 99 shopping days until Xmas. Uncle Sloth wants an away Greg Maddux gamer, size triple-X.
Sloth, I could fit two of me in one of my road jerseys if it came in triple-X. Hit the treadmill, man.
Blackhawk games in the old Chicago Stadium were a close second to being at Wrigley as far as sports experiences go. The roar in that building during the National Anthem was something I’ll never forget. The fans were passionate and they did everything they could to be a factor in the game. I continued to go to a couple of games a year at the UC, but it wasn’t the same. A lot of that had to do with the deterioration of the franchise.
Those who don’t like hockey have their various reasons. But it’s easily my second-favorite sport and it’s because I admire the skill of the players and the loyalty they have to their teammates. You mess with one guy, you’d better be ready to take on 15 more. Sure, there are incidents like McSorley and the Bertuzzi attack in Vancouver last spring, but that’s pretty rare.
If it takes a lock-out to get salaries and ticket prices down to a reasonable level, I’ll support ’em when it returns.
Ugh . . . Giants appear to be on way to a sweep. Up 4-0 after three at Miller.
Baker Basher you are a lying sack of poop if you are not surprised by Neifi’s performance. Look back at your posts the last month. Everthing that is a screw up is no surprise to you. A cub performing well should be a surprise to you. You always predict screw ups.
Thanks for laying down for the Giants in late September, you putz monkeys. No respect earned, no respect given. Toothless hacks.
Didn’t we love the Brewers last year because of what they did to the Astros?
How fickle we are.
Stupid Yost.
I am the reason the Brewers are sucking today. I have a deal with the devil just like Cy Tomko.
Gentlemen,
You need not worry about the Giants, because one of two things will happen to them:
1) We’ll kick the shit out of them this weekend.
2) We’ll collapse, and the Giants will win the division and we’ll finish behind the Cubs in the wild card.
Remember when we beat the tar out of the Marlin’s straight-from-Single-A-abll pitcher on 9/10/04? That was great how the Marlins laid down for us.
Good times.
I will give up #700 to Bonds.
Damnit, Dolan, I’m on a hot streak…up my f*ckin’ status, bitch!
Yeah, we’re laying down alright. Maybe if you guys hadn’t laid down for us around the All-Star break, you’d have the Wild Card lead.
And you thought we’d lay down for the Astros? C’mon, this line of whining by Cub fans is baseless and pathetic.
I was the heart and soul of that Brewers team!
Q: Is this Heaven?
A: No, just Desipio without B.C.
Not to worry. We’re the last cream puff team the Giants will face. The rest of our schedule is against San Diego, Houston, and LA.
If you can’t take over the lead while all those other teams beat up on each other, you don’t deserve it anyway.
The rest of the Giant’s schedule, that is.
We’ve lost 5 of our last 8 against contending teams, but we’re still trying.
The Brew Crew still has six games against the Astros (3H, 3A). That will tell whether or not they lay down (Sheets-Oswalt tomorrow night).
Sorry, Cubbies. No favors this year- no Richie Sexson!!
#38, he’s still working on the clever title for his next much-awaited article…. remember?
I’m expecting nothing less than an equal mix of Saturday Night Live hilarity and Masterpiece Theatre intellectualism…
…is really more of a mix of Saturday Night Live intellectualism and Masterpiece Theatre hilarity.
Actually, I scrapped that article. There will be another, better time, for that one.
But there will be a hard-hitting commentary on the recruiting (or lack of it) for the Illini basketball team. I also have been working on it, and I should have it ready sometime this afternoon.
Why don’t I exist? B.C. could put his painfully forced witticisms on this site and leave the poor, innocent Desipio readers alone.
Hey, we may be poor, but we aren’t innocent.
"Better time"? "Hard-hitting"?
Oh, B.C., why do you paint yourself into such indefensible corners…?
Jake, I haven’t made fun of anyone from the ACC or Duke in months and you hit me with that?
I’ve never been that mean to you, have I?
(Sniffle, sniffle in background.)
Dear Devil,
Can we extend our deal for another month and a half? We would love to make the playoffs and make all Cub fans proud. Thank you very much.
Nef and the Propane Posse
"Propane posse"???
How in the world do people come up with these things?
Don’t get me wrong #51, I liked the saying, I’m just wondering how folks come up with that.
I would NEVER have thought of it.
I did think of calling the bullpen the "Blowup Bunch" earlier this season, but in this time of war I didn’t feel it appropriate for more than a single-mention consumption.
Propane Posse or Blowup Bunch, either or they need that extended deal with the devil. Let’s hope they get it.
Drats. Knew it was too good to last.
He’s irrepressible. Like Ned Flanders.
Hens love roosters, geese love ganders, everyone else loves Ned Flanders!
Not me!
Everyone WHO MATTERS loves Ned Flanders.
Chip has said a couple times tonight that the Marlins won this afternoon…but according to the ESPN they are playing right now?
I am back to grounding into double plays with the bases loaded, buddy, even ahead in the count, even against a crummy pitcher. You knew my return to form was too good to last.
When did I get abducted by Mark Prior?
I am falling apart AND the umpire is squeezing me! This is going to end well, I swear.
I just walked the bases loaded. I walked the pitcher to walk the bases loaded, and there are no outs.
Now I threw my second wild pitch of the inning, to score a run.
Remember my "I choked" interview?
Yea, cue that one up.
Wow, I’m Rick f’n Ankiel, all of a sudden. Great timing, too.
We want the Reds to win tonight, buddy.
*sob*
I choked.
This is a joke. The fucking wonder twins can go fuck themselves, for all I care. They sure as hell can’t pitch a team into the playoffs. I trust Clement right now more than either of these cowards. And Zambrano and Maddux? In a completely different league, as far as consistency is concerned.
What a joke of a performance. Again.
If you give one of us 4 runs against the Pirates, we will cough up 5 runs.
If you give one of us 3 runs against the Reds, we will cough up 4 runs.
We are terrible.
Clementitis (Give up one or two more than the Cubs get) from earlier this season now seems to have infiltrated all the pitchers except Maddux and Zambrano.
****CORRECTION:
All the STARTING pitchers.
Isn’t it great how I mow them down the inning after I couldn’t get anybody out? I stay bad just long enough to lose the lead and give one to the other team, same as Mark.
don’t you pinch hit for Kerry in the 7th, so you have a better chance of scoring a run?
Top of the seventh inning, Cubs down a run, unable to muster much offense all night. They have 9 outs with which to work. Kerry Wood, through 6 innings, has thrown 102 pitches. So what do you do? You let him lead off the seventh inning.
You know what’s worst about this? If the Cubs score this inning, or win this game, nobody’ll take Baker to task for a horrible decision.
Sparky Anderson tol’ me that one time in 1934, in a game in the park, they let a kid named Cary hit for himself and he hit a homerun. Sparky’s point was not lost on me.
I was really on during that Neifi at-bat. I got really excited over a ball that was foul by some 200 feet, then got excited again by a pop up to left that Adam Dunn barely had to move to catch.
They built me in a laboratory.
Yea, but I’m still in the game. I will wild pitch that lead away.
Does E-Ramis have to keep saving this team’s ass tonight?
All you Cub whiners…WE are pitchers that suck royally. Or royally suck. Hell, leave "royal" out of it, we just suck.
Gave up a single, man trying to bunt, I’m going to walk him! Again!
Thanks for leaving me in, Dusty. Good move.
Hehe…
We’re tanking these games, you know. We owe the ‘stros from last year.
Apparently having your mitt, with the ball in it, wedged between the man’s foot and the bag, does not an out make.
Kent Mercker just showed me.
Let’s get E-Ramis another chance at a homer here offense…
I would like to point out how ludicrous are any claims that we are tanking against the Astros intentionally. We make 4 errors through 4 innings ALL THE TIME.
I get to bat again!
A hit of any kind, and Aramis breaks the franchise record for total bases in a game. Does a walk count as a total base? Shame, if not.
Just missed another hit. Damn shame.
Why the hell is my Truth+Rumors section continually citing Jay Mariotti’s columns?
Does this bother anyone else?
Cubs win!!!
I can now go back to breathing…
Yeah, Rolen’s "injury" also comes at a suspicious times.
Cardinals are playing a lot of their bench guys tonight… Which can of course be taken any number of ways.
Yeah, Rolen’s "injury" also comes at a suspicious time.
Cardinals are playing a lot of their bench guys tonight… Which can of course be taken any number of ways.
Thank you devil! About forty more days or so. Thanks alot and we’ll see soon.
What about us?
Fuel-oriented sub-team nicknames Are Belong to Us.
Modern art touches a sore spot, or several sore spots, in the ordinary citizen of which he is totally unaware. The more irritated he becomes at modern art the more he betrays the fact that he himself, and his civilization, are implicated in what the artist shows him. by phentermine
Increasingly, academic jobs are awarded on the strength of the publications of the candidates…. And it is a sad fact that young women publish less than young men because they’re busy having children. by slots machine
We are mad, not only individually, but nationally. We check manslaughter and isolated murders; but what of war and the much vaunted crime of slaughtering whole peoples? by poker card game