I get e-mails once and a while (not the Jim Tocco kind, the good kind) from some of you who can’t figure out why so much of the Dose revolves around the Cubs.

Let’s see, the longest suffering franchise in professional sports is making actual, tangible progress towards winning something they haven’t since the world was awash in Model T’s and it’s not a big story?

Face it, the rise and, if history is our guide, eventual fall of the Cubs is a big story. And, for those of us who are Cubs fans, it’s fun as hell. Besides, the Bears play Saturday night, and college football is just around the corner, so hang in there.

Anyway….about those Cubs. The brooms came out yesterday and the division lead is under two games for the Astros. Things are getting interested for the Cubs, who are 5-1 in August and who have won five consecutive three-game series. Now sweeping the 2003 Padres isn’t exactly revenge for that disastrous weekend in October of 1984 in that hideous place, but we’ll take it.

Carlos threw up a ton of zeroes again, Sammy kept up his charge at the now inevitable 40 homer season and Moises and Karros got in on the action, too. We even had an Augie Ojeda sighting in the late innings. Who knew?

What does it say about Rafael Palmeiro that he won’t accept a trade away from Arlington because he’d have to leave his family? You could say it makes him a good dad, a devoted husband and you could laud him for it. But he’s a professional baseball player. The idea is to play on a team that wins the World Series. Granted, I’m a Cubs fan. But I have a hard time believing there’s a player out there who wouldn’t jump at the chance to go to a place like Chicago, or Boston, or even New York for a couple of months and make a run at the pennant. I think what it tells you, is that you don’t want Rafael Palmeiro, anyway. And, I think it would make me wonder, if I were the Rangers, if he’s worth bringing back next year. If a guy can’t get fired up about the prospect of playing for the only pennant of his career…

It’s easy to compare this to Fred McGriff, but it’s wrong. McGriff had played in the World Series before. In fact, he went to a nice little string of playoffs there for a few years. He was basically in semi-retirement in Tampa, and part of his reluctance to come to Chicago was that he was pissed off at how Devil Rays’ GM Chuck LaMar had tried to force him to accept the trade by leaking it to the press before he even told Fred. Plus, McGriff didn’t bomb until 2002, he was pretty good in the stretch run in 2001..hitting 12 homers and driving in 41 runs in 49 games. It wasn’t his fault that the Cubs were crumbling around him.

But I don’t get it. What I do get is that Jim Hendry has successfully fought off Andy MacPhail’s cautious nature and is going to do something bold in the next few days to bolster this team. Hendry sees what we see. He sees the best pitching staff in the National League, an offense that’s riding pretty good performances from Kenny Lofton, Sammy, Moises, the death rattle of Eric Karros (which nobody saw coming), and he sees that shortstop has become an abyss. Alex Gonzalez, for all of his defensive prowess is hitting .053 in August.

I don’t know who’s cleared waivers, but I wouldn’t be shocked to see a new shortstop stroll through the door. As long as it’s not Tony Womack, fine by me.

Is now the time when I apologize for my July 9, “What part of Kenny Lofton sucks, do the Cubs not understand?” I was wrong. I’m sorry. He doesn’t just have something left, he’s good. He can’t throw, and I knew that, but he can still track them down in center, and his aggressiveness on the bases is something the Cubs sorely needed. It’s to the point now when you have to wonder if the Cubs couldn’t use him next year. You can carry him as the fourth outfielder and when a body part falls off of Moises Alou, Kenny would get plenty of at bats. Plus, his arm wouldn’t be a liability in left, and the sight of him and Corey Patterson tracking down doubles and turning them into outs would be pretty nice.

As for my buddy E-ramis. He’s only hitting .214 since the trade, and his glove looks as though he might be wearing it inside out, but I have full confidence that he’s going to work out nicely. I mean that.

But then, I’m a dope.

Sometime tomorrow, Dick Jauron is going to set the quarterback “rotation” for Saturday night’s game against the Colts. How hard will this be?

Kordell — First quarter
Chris Chandler — Three plays, or until first concussion, whichever comes first
Sexy Rexy — The rest.

I’m excited about seeing Rex. Given the disaster that the Cade McNown era was, you’d think I’d be cautious about Grossman, but I’m not. What do we know about Florida quarterbacks? They’re smart. They know how to attack a defense. They last a ridiculously long amount of time in the NFL. They have weenie arms and can’t take advantage of their other assets enough to be truly good NFL players. The difference, as I see it, is that Rex has the arm.

Say what you will about Kordell and Rex, but the Bears QB situation is likely the best it’s been since McMahon and Fuller. SEVENTEEN years ago. Woof.

Rosey Colvin had a nice debut for the Patriots last night, and given that Bill Belichick knows defense, Rosey’s going to have a good year. But I don’t think he’s the awesome defensive force that a lot of Bears fans do. I’m still giddy about Greg Blache’s scheme to line Brian Urlacher up as a standup defensive end on third downs and bring soon-to-be Bears fan favorite Lance Briggs in to play the middle spot in the nickel. In my mind I see that game in Lambeau two years ago when Urlacher blitzed Favre, and Favre thought he had time to try that stupid jump pass fake and Urlacher caught him in mid air cheese wedged him into the turf. Favre sat on the turf with a, “Woah, that sumbitch is fast!” look on his face.

Let’s face it, there are a lot of great defensive football players in the NFL right now, but good old number 54 is the ultimate in high tech football weaponry. Every play when you don’t devise a way for him to completely destroy the offense is a favor to the offense. Having tackle machine Warrick Holdman back for a full season only allows the Bears to send Brian on more chaos missions.

Damn, I’ve missed the Bears.

In other pressing matters, college football practice begins in earnest today and tomorrow around this fair land. Over in South Bend the revived Notre Dame football program starts its second camp under Ty Willingham, and expectations are back up where they’re supposed to be at Notre Dame. They’ve gone past cautiously optimistic and right past hopeful and are set on ludicrous. Just the way we like it.

Lou Holtz summed it up best when he was asked one year what his team’s record would be.

“We’re going to go 12-0 this year.”
A reporter stared at him and wondered aloud how Holtz could predict an undefeated season. Holtz smiled and said, “I have no idea how many games we’re going to win. But if I were you and a coach told me, ‘I think we’ll go 8-4’, I’d hand him the schedule and ask him which four games he’s planning on losing.”

The Irish are bolstered by the return of prodigal running back Julius Jones. Jones, maybe the best return man in college football, had to sit out last year after flunking out of Notre Dame. Wait, that’s not fair. He didn’t flunk out. In fact, his grades were good enough to make him immediately eligible at any other D-I institution according to NCAA rules. But Notre Dame (and to be fair, a handful of other schools like Stanford, Duke, etc.) have higher eligibility standards than the NCAA. So Jones had a choice. He could stay at Notre Dame and not play and try and get his grades up. He could take classes at another school and get his grades up and return. Or, he could transfer to any other D-I school, sit out a year and play his senior year.

Julius moved to Phoenix to live with his brother (then-Cardinals, now Bucs running back Thomas Jones) and took classes at that reknowned academic institution, Arizona State. He got the grades and Notre Dame readmitted him for the fall.

Not only did Julius spend the year saving his football career, he may have saved his brother’s. Coming off yet another disappointing season in Arizona, Thomas adopted his little brother’s workouts, changed his running style and with Tampa Bay he’s wearing Julius’ familar number 22. And, he doesn’t look like the tentative runner the Cardinals had.

The Jones boys are dreaming of a Super Bowl title and a National Championship in the same season. In fact, if you ask them, they’ll probably tell you they intend to go 28-0.

After all, show them a schedule and tell them which games they’re supposed to lose.

—
Intrepid reader David Bohnenkamp pointed out that our favorite soccer player, Heather Mitts, is in this months FHM. So I found the photo shoot online, and it’s OK. They took her and made her look like she was hanging in the air, which is dumb.

Here’s probably the best photo:

The big news is that she scolded FHM for reporting last year that she was dating Phillies one-time slugger Pat Burrell. She said that was just a “fling.” And that’s she’s dating Jerry O’Connell lookalike, and Phillies third string QB AJ Feeley.

I hate AJ Feeley.

Hey, Tara Reid’s in the issue, too.

—

Rosey tones the anger down a notch. For once.

Blow up the Murph. It’s a house of horrors that we don’t even want to think about. At least the Cubs brought the brooms to help with the cleanup.

Raffy can’t get up for going to Chicago. Those little blue pills must not be working.

Mike Remlinger is cranking it up, just in time.

This just in: Billy Koch sucks.

Mike Gandy, from third best lineman at Notre Dame to Bears left tackle. Yikes.

If the Bears had traded David Terrell, they’d have had to dealt with me. When your number two receiver is Dez White, it means you’re one deep. You can’t trade the only guy on the team with a prayer of helping Marty Booker out.

Rex is ready to lead. What, we have no idea.

I read this headline wrong and got excited that Johnny Red had given it up. No such luck.

John Jackson on The Score playing hardball with WMVP.

Mariotti puts down the doughnut and takes time off from yelling in the newsroom TV set and writes this pap about the Sox bullpen.

The Cubs may pressure Dusty to can Waivin’ Wendell after the season. Why don’t they just make him second base coach?

Fifteen years ago today, the Cubs sort of played the first Wrigley night game.

Jayson Stark says Darin Erstad and Adam Kennedy have cleared waivers. Oh, Mr. Hendry!

It’s hard not to like Bill Self.

What was least impressive, it taking Steve Trachsel ten years to win 100 games, or it taking Lenny Harris 15 years to get 1,000 hits?

Apparently, James Cameron is a Sports Illustrated subscriber.

A Kentucky dog took himself to the vet. Probably to get away from the owners.

Rush Limbaugh says that Arnold Schwarzenegger is no Ronald Reagan. Actually, the Alzheimer’s riddled ex-prez and Ah-nuld are probably pretty comparable right now.

A Florida woman made the most basic mistake of performing videotaped oral sex on a five-year old boy. She didn’t burn the tapes. Or something.

Bill Zwecker on the stripper who apparently broke up Ben and J Lo.

A Carrollton, Illinois man is in jail for having sex with a horse. He’s going to miss the Sox pennant push!

Moron Ben and J Lo.

America’s finest news source with shocking details of Jimmy Carter’s arrest on “peace crimes.”