Somewhere, Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon have to be shaking their bald heads. This is their fault, you know.

OK, fault is probably too harsh of a word, but if not for them, this might not have happened. At least not as swiftly as it has. Last night on Fox Sports Net the new Max Kellerman show debuted and I’ve got some very scary news for you. “I, Max” is a ripoff of “Around the Horn.”

That’s right, Fox felt the need to rip off the worst show on TV. Wow.

Wilbon and Kornheiser didn’t mean to do this. All they did was bring the same arguments they used to have in the news room at the Washington Post to TV. A smart producer put a clock on the arguments and the show, “Pardon the Interruption” works because the arguments are nearly always good natured, Wilbon and Kornheiser are funny, and most importantly they don’t take themselves too seriously.

Because ESPN has never been able to give us too much of a good thing and make it a bad thing, they created a companion show called “Around the Horn.” The problem with “Around the Horn” is that the panelists are always yelling, they’re not funny and they’re not clever. It’s like putting on a play with four cast members who are literally chewing on the scenery.

The orginal host of “Around the Horn” was ESPN’s yelling, obnoxious boxing analyst, Max Kellerman. When not on the show he was a likeable enough guy. When on it, you wanted to reach through the TV and beat him to death with a wet newspaper. Even though “Around the Horn” is unwatchable crap, Kellerman wanted a raise to host the show. Incredibly, ESPN was going to give him one, but then he kept asking for more and they decided that since the show is already bad, it might as well be bad and cheap, so they let him go.

Somewhere in Hollywood, Shelley Long and David Caruso sat and laughed and couldn’t believe anybody’d be as dumb as Max.

However (you knew there’d be a however) in their never-ending quest to be a second rate entity, Fox Sports Net gave Max a call. Apparently, one of their executives looked at their programming and said, “We need something even worse than ‘The Best Damn Sports Show’, is that possible? I think it is!” He dared to dream, and Fox gave Max some real cash. Not as much as he turned down at ESPN, but still too damned much for a guy with no discernable talent other than knowledge of obscure boxers. (Fighters, not underwear…though, who really knows? Maybe both?)

Last night I caught the premiere of “I, Max.” Let’s just say there’s no reason to watch “I, Max II, Beyond Thunderdome.” Here’s the show. See if this sounds vaguely familiar.

Max sits at a space-aged desk with two flat screen monitors in front of him. On one is the creepy deep-voiced guy from “Around the Horn” (so now Max is committing career murder-suicide), and the other is for that night’s guest. Creepy deep-voiced guy “scores” Max’s arguments with the guest like a fight. Is there any way we can get a first round TKO every night and Fox can just re-run “You’ve Gotta See This” for the 1,002,654th time?

Last night’s guest was Michael Holley. Michael Holley!?! The show should have been cancelled right there. Holley’s best known for not having an original thought for 27 years (and counting), and he once quit the Boston Globe to come work at the Tribune for like…15 minutes…only to go back to Boston. Much to the chagrin of the Globe readers.

Unfortunately, unlike Holley, Jay Mariotti has not made the jump from “Around the Horn.” He really should, because it’s easier to avoid anything on Fox than it is on ESPN.

In today’s LA Times, Larry Stewart notes that Kellerman got his start in the business doing a cable access show on boxing. I’ve got news for Max. More people watched that cable access show than will watch his new crapfest.

LA Times columnist TJ Simers was “fired” from “Around the Horn” last year when he wrote in a column that he knew all about bad TV because he was “on the worst show on television.” How can you fire a guy for being right? That just seems wrong.

Sports on TV has never been better. Anybody, living almost anywhere can see virtually any game they want to. Coverage of sports on TV has never been worse. SportsCenter has become unwatchable crap. Every anchor thinks they’re the reason we watch the show, they break up the highlights to have little game shows and short films. It’s just sickeningly bad. Even the few remaining good shows are polluted with Chris Berman breaking out his schtick from 1987 or Harold Reynolds just saying dumb things or Rob Dibble actually acting like any of us care about anything he says…ever.

And don’t even get me started on Stephen A. Smith…

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Speaking of idiots, Mike Murphy went on and on today about how Paul Sullivan wrote a piece in today’s Tribune where he “broke down every trade Jim Hendry has made.” Now that would be interesting. It’s just not true. Sullivan half-assed this piece that compares who replaced who on this year’s roster. It’s not the same thing. It’s not even close.

Steve Nidetz says Corey should bunt more. Jeesh, even the hunting and fishing guy knows this. How can Corey not work on it?

TJ Simers spent some time on the phone with Ernie Banks. I don’t know which one I feel more sorry for.

Mariotti puts down the doughnut to pee on Moises’ hands for him.

Mark Prior felt so good in his simulated game yesterday that he said he “could get Major League hitters” out. Or at least the Mets.

This poll is stupid, but I especially bristled at the line about how the only playoff appearance made after Greg Maddux left was a three game sweep to the Braves in 1998. Did somebody forget LAST YEAR, maybe?

Operation Shutdown returns to Pittsburgh.

Wait a minute, Byron Scott thinks he can fill Tim Floyd’s shoes? Pretty cocky…

I’m already sick of Eli Manning.

The Pentagon has photos of guards sodomizing Iraqi prisoners with glow sticks (they can keep those photos) and some of two guards having sex with each other. Assuming those are a guy and a woman, or even two women, we demand those photos be released!

Britney may not pose for Playboy after all. Well, come on, we know she will eventually. Her singing career’s got two more years left on it, tops.

America’s finest news source gets some views on Social Security.