Sure, Sammy Sosa shook off the boos yesterday by lining a 3-0 gift from Todd Van Poppell into the bleachers. Sure the Cubs moved back into that all-important second place spot in the NL Central race. Sure, the fans at Wrigley were hot and wet and smelled like a combination of a wet tweed sportscoat and a wet Shannon Tweed.
But am I the only one who finds not one, but two of Dusty Baker’s comments from yesterday just a little troubling?
I have a manly love for Dusty Baker that dare not speak its name, but even I have my limits. Yesterday, he learned that he hadn’t, in fact, been ejected from Monday night’s game against the Cardinals. And yesterday, we learned that he had forgotten that Kerry Wood still hasn’t served his five-game suspension…from APRIL.
Maybe Kerry can serve it next year? How’s 2006 for you Kerry? Would that work better?
For somebody who’s supposed to be a great communicator we’ve been through some strange things with Dusty this year. Let’s make a list.
– An umpire didn’t know that Dusty had put Ramon Martinez into a game as part of a double switch, nullifying the only extra base hit Ramon’s had since the Carter administration.
– Dusty leaves a game because he thinks an umpire has thrown him out, but he hasn’t.
– Dusty puts on an old Giants uniform and sits in the visitor’s dugout by mistake during a game…against the Pirates.
– Dusty instructs pitching coach Ron Perranoski to “get Brantley up in the bullpen.” Actual pitching coach Larry Rothschild fetches Dusty some pudding.
– Dusty uses Rey Ordonez as a pinch hitter in a game against the Cardinals and complains, “you were a hell of a lot bigger when you played for the White Sox.”
– Dusty is asked when Wood will serve his suspension and says, “Wood? Why are you asking me? Go ask Phil Mickelson.”
– Dusty parks his new Chevy Tahoe in front of the Cubs dugout before a Matt Clement start, explaining, “When his asthma acts up, I’ll have Darren drive out to the mound and pick him up.” Dusty forgets that Darren is five years old, and when Darren gets behind the wheel to pick up Clement during a three-run inning, little Darren accidentally guns it in reverse and runs over Wendell Kim. Unfortunately for Cubs’ fans, Kim is too short to actually be hit by the bumper and escapes unharmed.
OK, some of those may not have actually happened. Yet.
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Bears’ training camp is just around the corner and for those of you who’ve never been to Bourbonnais for training camp, we’ve got a few handy tips for you.
– You don’t want to stand out as a tourist in Bourbonnais, and the surest way to fit in is to black at least four of your teeth out.
– Under Dick Jauron, the Bears managed to hold every practice drill at least 800 yards from the closest spectator. New coach Lovie Smith has promised that camp will be much more accessible to the fans. They plan on occassionally coming within 400 yards of the ropes.
– If you must wear Bears garb to the practices take a little inventory. It’s time to buy new Bears’ stuff if anything you own has Zubaz written on it. It’s time to buy new Bears’ stuff if your idea of a “throwback” jersey has the names Salaam, Enis, McNown or Kramer on it. It’s time to buy new Bears’ stuff if the newest shirt you have proudly says 1991 NFC Central Champs on it.
– We’re not going to say that the “talent” in that part of Illinois is a little thin, but if you go to a strip bar, you’ll notice that the dancers will accept tips that encourage them to put more clothes on. Until you’ve had at least nine drinks, you’ll be tipping liberally.
– If you see Jay Mariotti, you’re obviously confused. He hasn’t covered anything in person since Rick Telander tried to punch him out in the Wrigley press box.
– Don’t try and talk to Tribune writer David Haugh. If you do, ChicagoSports.com will send you an invoice for $30.
– If you have ever actually spoken with David Huh, however, you’ll know that you deserve the $30 as compensation for the mind numbingly boring conversation you just had.
– And finally (mock applause fills the Internet), when you see the Bears complete a pass (OK, if you see the Bears complete a pass of more than nine yards, try not to pass out. They plan on running their offense like a real football team this year.
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Sammy didn’t like the boos so he homered to shut them up. Is that all it took? Boo him again today, then.
Jim Hendry’s hands are full of the straws he’s been grasping at. The most visible one has, Ryan Dempster: closer, written on it.
Mayor Daley accused the Tribune of hiding the news. Heck, they can’t even print the paper on time, how are they supposed to know what’s in it?
Jim Hendry says his favorite Van Halen song is “Eruption.”
The Bulls might move training camp to Colorado. What, did they promise Kobe this, too? If they moved the season there, would anybody notice?
Say goodbye to Ronald Dupree. Sniff.
Mariotti puts down the doughnut to say he doesn’t think the Cubs fans every boo anybody. He should come on out to Wrigley. We’ll be happy to boo him. And strip him down to his shorts and cover him with honey and let a syphillitic bear cub give him a “hug.”
Hendry’s looking for a shortstop, a reliever, an outfielder and a barber. He traded Ricky Gutierrez to the Red Sox. Is Iowa the AAA afilliate of the Cubs or the Red Sox? How many bums has he traded to Boston in the last month? Is this slow, tortured payback for Calvin Schiraldi? I hope.
Mike Kiley is giddy over Ryan Dempster. Man, it doesn’t take much to get Mike excited, does it?
Kiley says that Wendell Kim has done a better job this year than he did last year. Yes, he’s gone from abysmal to horrible. Quite the improvement. Next on the meter is incompetent!
Eddie Robinson has Alzheimers’? No wonder the Bulls can’t trade him.
Spanish-yes.com’s Tom Verducci says that the Rangers could use some more pitching. Yeah, and I could use a naked hug from Heidi Collins, but I’m not getting that, either.
The Marlins are looking at Larry Walker. Apparently their disabled list needs some depth.
The Yankees held some of their top minor leaguers out of action in anticipation of a trade that didn’t happen.
Paoloa Boivin is a moran.
The Phillies are looking for a centerfielder and a lefty reliever. I would think they’d have a lot of interest in Kent Mercker and Tom Goodwin!
If you’re going to stick papers in your pants, shouldn’t they at least have pictures of Lauren Graham on them?
America’s finest news source with some info on next month’s Democratic National Convention.
Check out this steaming pile:
"LaTroy Hawkins has gone 12-for-16 in save situations since replacing Borowski and Kent Mercker has been the only solid veteran in a support role."
Yep, that’s right. 15 walks in 27 2/3 innings pitched is "solid"
I’m a dope.
We’re not struggling.
I even pointed out that at 75 percent that Hawkins has "one of the lowest save percentages in the National League." Phil doesn’t even read his own newspaper.
I attended yesterday’s game against the Reds. I got some good field box seats through a friend of a friend. Had we not made plans Tuesday morning to do this, the collapse that afternoon would’ve been enough to keep me here at work. Nevertheless, we went to the game and I was in a rotten mood. It was nice to hear a lot of fans booing, especially at Grud. He is AWFUL. Those at-bats look even worse in person. I was really letting him have it, and surprisingly, people around me were pissed too. A couple of old codgers even chimed in that they think Dusty is an idiot.
Sammy actually wasn’t as whiny as others have been about the booing, but the frustration is building in the stands as much as it is on the field.
Phil Rogers is right about me, though. I have been very solid. In fact, that 3 run game tying homer I gave up to Carlos Beltran was just another example of how solidly guys make contact with my pitches.
I am fairly sure that you have to wait a minimum of 10 years before congress can pass on the "Great Communicator" moniker. Please feel free to write your representatives if you feel this is unfair. Thank you.
P.S. I’m dead
Get those boo birds ready, because I’m leading off again today.
I just want to know when Todd Walker pissed in Darren’s Cheerios? Because, other than that, I don’t understand WHY we keep having to see Grud on our TV boxes?
BTW: Sammy? Get over yourself, already.
Sloth, I’m starting Grud because he needs to get his stroke back. He’s not gonna get it back sitting on the bench. I know he’s 4 for the last 33, but I think he’ll come around any day now. Besides, with Bako in for Barrett, it’s not like we NEED the offense, right?
I’m on my way back to Iowa! The Red Sox just released me to make room for Ricky Gutierrez. Who else will sign me if not the Cubs? Hmm?
Are you the PTBNL?
With Grudz or Walker in the line up against Lidle you get a wash. A total of 2 hits between them.
Hey everyone..I’m on the front page of CBS sportsline today
Was yesterday a wash too?
Grud was 2-14 against Wilson, I was 2-4. Dusty’s got a boner for Grud, is all.
Well you can say it was a wash with all those showers..
I agree with Dusty’s handling of that particular position, second base.
We believe that, why, a starting player should not lose his position through injury or failure to perform.
Didn’t I get a hit last Saturday?
If Grud keeps sucking much longer, the 2b situation will be kind of like if Dusty trotted out Bako regularly and used me every fifth day. A few more 0-4’s and Grud’s on his way to Gaborian numbers.
That’s right Dusty….Two hits….Two for Walk and none for Grud.
And rumor has it Sosa watched tape of himself yesterday because someone told him he was standing farther off the plate than normal.
Hey Mike don’t you have more homers almost as many RBI’s as both Miller and myself last season?
If Dusty needs me explained to him one of these days, he ought to head down to Southern Illinois for a long drive with The Cruiser.
If getting just 3 hits (two by the great Woody Williams) and still beating the Brewers 1-0 isn’t the sign of a pact with the devil, than nothing is.
I think Andy should put a little clip together of me driving in to work in my parent’s den to the tune of the Soprano’s theme.
Woke up this morning
Got yourself a "column"
Andy always said you’d be the sucky one
But you’re one in a million and you’ve to to learn to write
You were born in Southern Illinois
You’re columns just ain’t bright
So you
Woke up this morning…
I thought we only made appearances for when the Cubs were batting.
The B.C. Cruiser is out of gas. If’n you rag too much on B.C., you risk your comments being deleted. Better hit the brake there, fella.
Time for another Phoenix-like second half rebirth for me? Yes. Yes, please.
The second half here will be crap, Greggie…
Oh you mean THAT Phoenix. My fault.
Slumps over.
23, that was the worst thing I’ve ever read.
That was gotdamn horrible.
I ate a big red candle.
What are we yelling about?!?
While you were panicking, did you forget the part where you were going to let us know when to panic?
See, you can’t win.
You rag on me too much (or too hard) in my columns, you get your comments edited or deleted.
You rag on me too much or too hard in Andy’s columns, you get your comments criticized as the worst thing KD has ever read.
See, there’s just no winning.
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I know a couple people that go to college in Bourbonnais Andy. No word on whether or not they have lost most of their sanity.