It’s not just a matter of time, isn’t it? You just know that this morning Bill Cartwright picked up his USA Today and spat breakfast cereal milk all over the DoubleTree lounge in Phoenix. The worst possible news for an embattled, in over his head coach is when a former NBA Coach of the Year and Chicago native gets the boot.
It might not happen this month, or next month, or until after the season. But I’d say right now that Glenn “Doc” Rivers has a better shot of coaching the Bulls next October than Bill Cartwright does.
Let’s examine why Doc really got fired in Orlando.
Back in the offseason of 2000 when the Bulls and Magic were fired up and ready to rebuild with all of their salary cap millions, Grant Hill hobbled his way into the Magic training center on crutches and signed a ludicrous $80 million contract. That was about six foot surgeries ago.
The Magic did outbid the Bulls on Tracy McGrady and he’s merely the best player in the Conference, but it’s hard to surround one high paid superstar with talent, when another is sucking half of your salary cap while sitting in the stands in a suit with his pop star singer wife.
First, about Grant Hill’s pop “star” singer wife Tamia, can you be a star if nobody’s ever heard one of your songs?
The Magic did Rivers little favor in pulling off a trade of Mike Miller for Drew Gooden and Gordon Giricek last year, only to spend what little salary cap money they had left on Gooden’s older, slower clone, Juwan Howard.
So Rivers was stuck with a slow team, with Tyronn Lue of all people at the point, built around surrounding McGrady with shooters like Giricek and Pat Garrity. But then both Giricek and Garrity started the season on the injured list.
I’m not saying Doc Rivers is the world’s greatest coach. By all accounts he pissed and moaned his way out of Orlando as well. But is he a better coach than Bill Cartwright? I’ve got a pile of dryer lint downstairs that I could fashion into a better coach than Bill Cartwright.
Take a look at his photo, and then see if you think my new nickname for the Daily Herald Bulls’ beat writer is funny. I know I enjoy it. So, without further adieu, here’s Tuft McGraw with a defense of Bill Cartwright.
—
Phil Rogers is at it again today. Now he’s got hilarious “trade rumors” about Alex Rodriguez. Let’s pick them apart, shall we?
ANAHEIM: SS David Eckstein, SP John Lackey, SP Jarrod Washburn and RP Felix “K-Rod” Rodriguez
How ludicrous is this? Why don’t the Angels just trade EVERY pitcher on their 40-man roster for A-Rod? You’re telling me you need to take in $180 million worth of salary AND give your three best young pitchers? Plus, you’re trading them within the division so A-Rod can just switch this year’s last place team for (without these pitchers) next year’s? You can do better than this, Phil.
BOSTON: LF Manny Ramirez
First off, John Hart isn’t this dumb. Manny’s a studly player, but everyone in the world would rather pay off the rest of A-Rod’s contract than the rest of Manny’s. Granted, Manny’s is shorter, but not much. Besides, how many left field/DH types do the Rangers need? But my favorite sentence was this doozy from Phil: “That would not save the Rangers much money unless Hicks agreed to pay some of Rodriguez’s salary, which will be $21 million in 2004 but climbs to $27 million in 2007-2010.”
Huh? What? How would Rangers’ owner Tom Hicks save money by paying part of A-Rod’s contract AFTER sending him to Boston? I’ll give Phil the benefit of the doubt and assume that the word Rangers should be replaced with Red Sox in that sentence. But who knows?
NY METS: C Mike Piazza and SS Jose Reyes or SP Scott Kazimir
Wait a second, why do the Angels have to throw in three good young pitchers and the Mets can give or take it with one of their traditionally overrated minor league pitchers? Besides, as great as Mike Piazza has been, if he ends up a full-time DH, doesn’t it just muck up the Rangers’ lineup again? Heck, they’d be farther along just re-signing Rafael Palmeiro for less than Piazza makes. Jose Reyes might be the real deal, but don’t you think the Mets would be trying to find a way to pair him and A-Rod in the middle infield? Well, they are the Mets after all…
CHICAGO CUBS: SP Kerry Wood or SP Carlos Zambrano, RP Kyle Farnsworth and SS Alex Gonzalez
The only way the Rangers would do a deal for Zambrano, Farns and Gonzalez would be the completely wipe A-Rod’s contract off the books. Carlos is a stud, but Farns is a mental case and Alex stinks. The best part is that combined they make about $6 million, so the Rangers get some talent and throw the whole contract overboard. Do we think the Cubs would pay Alex and Sammy? Uh…no. As much as I’d love it to happen. It just won’t. Besides, if you’re the Rangers don’t you HAVE to get Kerry Wood back in this deal? If I’m the Cubs, I wouldn’t let Kerry stand in the way of getting A-Rod. But like I said, that will never happen anyway.
By the way, check out Alex Gonzalez’s salary according to ESPN. He might actually have earned this much last year. I wonder, do they pay it all at once or in 10 installments of $450?
But this column actually gets worse. In it, Rogers admits (rather proudly, actually) that he voted for Shannon Stewart for AL MVP. Shannon Stewart? Huh?
What was it that so excited you about Shannon, Phil? Was it his 13 homers? Maybe it was his FOUR stolen bases? It could be that he’s the worst defensive outfielder in the AL! I like Shannon and think he’s a “nice” player. Is he the best player in the American League? No.
Is he the 50th best player in the AL? Perhaps.
Man, Phil is a dope, isn’t he?
Phil will tell you that the reason the Twins won the AL Central and passed the mighty White Sox is because they traded for Shannon and he started playing for them on July 17. What Phil would ignore is that about the same time, the Twins moved Johann Santana from his exile in the bullpen to the rotation and he went 11-2 with a 2.86 ERA over that span.
Stewart hit .322 with six homers and three stolen bases in 65 games for the Twins. It’s nice. It’s not MVP of anything.
If Phil wanted to vote for a Twin, he voted for the wrong one.
In fact, did Phil vote for Kenny Lofton for NL MVP? Because in 56 games with the Cubs, Kenny hit .327 with three homers and 12 stolen bases. I’m sure Kerry Wood and Mark Prior didn’t have anything to do with the Cubs run to the pennant. Just Kenny.
But then in Stewart’s stint with the Twins his OBP was .006 higher than Kenny’s with the Cubs, so that probably explains it.
I’m not saying, I’m just saying: progers@tribune.com
—
Dick Jauron is standing by Chris Chandler. Well, of course he is.
It doesn’t sound to me like Dee Brown is very fond of Bruce “Mr. Sandwich” Weber.
I like Avani Patel, but how does she write an entire Notre Dame basketball preview and forget Torin Francis? How do you miss a 6’10, 260 pounder who can actually play?
John Mullin on the Big Ten race…in basketball. His All-Big Ten team has five guards on it. Is this a 6’4 and under league now?
The Bulls have lost 27 straight games on their circus-forced Western swings the past few years. Is that bad? That seems like it’d be bad.
Jerry Angelo says he hasn’t made up his mind on the future of Dick Jauron. Sure. Tell me another. I’ll bet he’s already got a Bears polo with “Coach Saban” embroidered on it.
Mariotti puts down the doughnut to fellate Rex Grossman. Once Rex plays, Mariotti will begin the trashing process.
I like he headline on this one.
Meet the new coach, same as the old coach.
I’m normally a dope, but I think I got it right when I wanted the Bears to dump Dick last year and hire Marvin Lewis.
Gerry Fraley’s got a nice shirt. He’s just not wearing it here.
The Post says the Mets are after A-Rod.
The Daily News says the Mets won’t go after A-Rod. Well, one of them will be right.
Mike Piazza wants to stay in New York. Sure. Look, I know he’s gone. Here’s how, he’s the catcher on my keeper fantasy league, and I traded for him last year just to have him for this year. So he’s off to the AL. That’s just my luck.
Kaz Matsui is a free agent and might take a look at the Cubs. I liked the caller on the radio this morning, complaining that the Cubs never go after the “big Asian players.” How much bigger can they get than Hee Seop?
The Cardinals are going to have to pay the Tampa Bay Devil Rays to take Tino Martinez. Muahahahahahahahahahaha!
Alan Trammell says the Tigers are after Miguel Tejada. I can hear Miguel laughing from here.
Dan Plesac is still alive? Who knew?
Add Massachusetts to Vermont and Hawai’i on your list of states where Rob Neyer can get married.
An Indiana high school freshman died when he stuck his head out of a school bus window and hit a tree.
Is that a chopstick in your eye, or are you just happy to see me?
But mommy, I thought you said dad was gay?
Shannon Elizabeth was afraid she’d ruin the chemistry on That ’70s Show. The only chemistry on that show is in Ashton Kutcher’s bong.
Besides, it’s not like they hired her for her “acting.”
The world’s greatest newspaper reports the US is about to invade Luxembourg. It’s about damn time. Those…uh…Luxembourgians have been getting away with too much for too long.
Andy,
Did you hear me on Howard Stern this morning?
Tuft McGraw. That’s priceless.
And this just in… Julie Bowen sounds even hotter with a cold.
I know Andy must have posted my link on accident as I am the biggest idiot south of the Mason-Dixon Line. For your loyal Texas readers who visit your site as a break from the beating that is my column, please refrain from spreading my idiocy in the future…andy, do you have mariotti’s number? i need to find a good doughnut shop so i can get to work on my fourth chin
I’m huge in Asia.
Question…Does Barry have to share his MVP award with the Chemistry Lab?
What Tuft has got there is called the "island". A, um, friend of mine has that and there aren’t a lot of options for making it look good. Tuft obviously hasn’t found one, but it does beat going the Gene Keady/Lou Henson route. Best to just buzz the whole noggin down to a nub, Bruce Willis-style.
I’m not ready to give up on Cartwright yet, tho the Bulls surely do look in need of some better coaching at times. But I would really like to see him succeed. The guy is intelligent; he was a classic no frills, defensive-minded, team-oriented player; he isn’t afraid to sit or get into it with the whiny-ass babies and punks on that roster. I think one problem is that people’s expectations for this team were too high. Curry, Chandler and Crawford – who are all going to be seriously good someday – just aren’t there yet. And the Bulls have no one to go to for crunch-time scoring. No one. But if they don’t start playing with a little more consistency – and success – Cartwright’s days are probably numbered. I’m not convinced Doc Rivers would be any better though.
The Bulls have no one for crunch time scoring. That’s true.
But I’m available. Maybe. I’m sure Kevin O’Neill appreciates just how clutch I am.
Love,
milt
It’d be nice to have a better shortstop, but who’s going to play 2nd? Would Gonzalez be moved over, or would he be traded if we signed Matsui or Tejada?
Gerry Fraley was on Boers and Bernstein’s show on The Score this afternoon and said A-Rod is a jack-wad who is good at manipulating the media and fans into thinking he’s a great guy and teammate. Apparently, A-Rod is steamed over the Rangers firing a clubhouse guy (whom Fraley termed as "slow" in the mentally-challenged area) who was Alex’s personal servant. Fraley thinks A-Rod could succeed AND win if he’d have teammates who’d shut him up when he goes on his cocky binge.
Also, Fraley said that he is certain the Cubs would send A-Rod to the Cubs and pay a portion of his salary straight up for Kerry Wood and would make that deal today.
I like Gerry Fraley’s brother Ace better. Always have.
Besides, I think it’s cute that A-Rod wants to help the ‘tards. I’ll bet he and The Farns become pals if they ever play together.
Even before hearing A-Rod is a dick (and more shocked I could not be) I didn’t like the idea of trading Kerry for him. Not that I think there is a chance in Hell of this happening, but am I alone in thinking this? It seems like Andy and you intrepid readers like this idea. Why were the Cubs so successful last year (and, yes, they WERE successful, despite that gut-wrenching finish)? Starting pitching, pure and simple. I truly believe Wood has only scratched the surface of his ability. Do you really want to break up what could be the dominant 1-2 pitching combo in the majors for years to come? And then watch him become a no-hit throwing, 20-game winning, Cy Young awardee somewhere else?? Yeah, the Cubs need some more punch, but there are other ways to acquire it than trade away a stud pitcher – a STILL YOUNG stud pitcher – for a guy making a gazillion dollars, even if he is the best player in the game. We don’t have to have the best player in the game to improve the offense. Just upgrade a couple of the black holes. Houston and the Cards both had more offense than the Cubs last year… Nuff said.
A-Rod’s trade value plummets every day it gets closer to spring training. Showalter urgently wants him out. Hicks dreads paying him. It’ll be like the guy swimming in debt who sells his house for half of what it’s worth.
When A-Rod goes it will be for the price of paying his salary and a mid-range guy or two. Do the Cubs or Red Sox NEED Rodriguez? Not really. The Red Sox NEED to be rid of Manny Ramirez, that’s why they’re talking. The Cubs could sign the other Matt Suhey or Tejada and keep Wood and Prior. They could stand pat with Gonzalez, who isn’t great but didn’t hurt the team often (Game 6 excepted).
Who else is going to come in and offer an insane deal for A-Rod? The Yankees, who have Jeter locked up for years and years? The Red Sox?
If the Cubs walk away from the table, the Rangers could be asking for a lot less come Christmas
Excuse me. I’m A-Rod! I’m not just some run of the mill hitter. I’m 28! Next year I’ll hit my 400th homer and drive in my 1,000th run! I’m a gold glove caliber shortstop! I won a batting title at 21!
Kerry Wood’s a stud. But I’m the best player in the game.
Let me tell you, check out my record as M’s manager with A-Rod vs. my record WITHOUT A-Rod. Yeah, he was oh soooooooooo vital to us.
Happy Birthday to Paris Hilton!!
What? That’s not Paris Hilton? Owen who? Oh well, nevermind.
Is it just me or is that one leg (the one closer to us when we look at it) of Shannon Elizabeth’s way smaller than the other one? Not that I’d complain or anything if she was sitting in front of me like that right now… Just a note…
I will cream my pants if we get Tejada or even someone considered a good player (See: Pettite, Pudge, etc…).
it is a shadow one her leg.
Is it true Neyer is gay? i never new that or that he made it public. I would like to see it in publication to believe it.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Wednesday, October 19, 2003
Rob Neyer not gay, just a pansy
Seattle, Wash. — Saberweenie and Internet baseball columnist Rob Neyer has issued the following statement about his apparent "outing" on the Web site GayInfo (www.gayinfo.tripod.com).
I am not, nor have I ever been a homosexual. Sure, there was that one part of my job description at STATS, Inc. that required me to wash Bill James back and buttocks with a snow scraper and snow brush, but who hasn’t had to things like that to pay the bills?
I am a red blooded heterosexual man just like Mike Piazza, Jim Edmonds, Richard Simmons, Michael Jackson and Nathan Lane. What truly bothers me is that the entire homosexual community (of which I am not a member) is impuned by this acusation. There’s nothing wrong with being a homosexual. The human body is a beautiful thing. Who hasn’t stopped to gaze at the rippling musculature and taut buttocks of the professonal athlete? Who hasn’t dreamed of having them slather you with pine tar and then having them pour a large bucket of sunflower seats down your underwear? Is that so wrong?
Everybody knows that with a simple mathematical formula involving on base percentage, hormone content and…
OK, you get the idea. He’s not gay.
Rob Neyer will be available for comment this afternoon at 1 p.m. outside the "Homos for Hitchin’: Legalize Gay Marriage Headquarters" in Worcester, Massachusetts.
-30-
If you look at the shadow created by Shannon’s left arm (the back arm to us looking from this angle), then it is practically impossible for that shadow to be created in that way, and then for the front leg to the light (the leg closest to us in the picture) to be in a "shadow" as earlier claimed.
Although it looks as if a portion of the picture may be cropped, which would then maybe provide an explanation. As you can tell, I’ve been studying this picture very closely… ;)
What improves the circumstances of the greater part can never be regarded as an inconveniency to the whole. No society can surely be flourishing and happy, of which the far greater part of the members are poor and miserable. by texas holdem