Phil Rogers just reminds us of what makes him…Phil Rogers. He says Sammy should beg to play for the DR in the World Baseball Championships because it would increase his chances of landing a good gig with a big league team. Phil points out that with the Dominican’s loaded roster there’d be no place to play. So yeah, nothing helps your cause quite like sitting on the bench and getting one at bat a day against somebody’s closer. Brilliance.
Steve Stone takes the high road in his reaction to Milo Hamilton’s attempted ass raping of Harry Caray’s memory.
Dusty Baker is preaching that his team will have a “quiet confidence” this year. So quiet that even they won’t know they have it. Hey, whatever it takes to go 80-82.
Inexplicably, Michael Barrett has made the USA’s roster for the World Baseball Classic, meaning that both Hank White and Mike will be gone for two weeks right in the middle of spring training. One will be missed more than the other. You know which one I’m talking about.
Get ready for “anonymous” comments from Mesa while Barrett is chasing Team USA’s pitches to the backstop.
“It’s so nice to throw pitches to a guy and watch him use his glove to knock them down before they hit the umpire!”
Here’s the USA’s 30-man “active” roster. Check it out. That team’s white enough to be the Astros!
There are nights when Luol Deng looks like he’s going to be a star. Then there are nights when Ron Artest makes him look like Shavlik Randolph. You decide what kind of night last night was.
I like Luol and think he’ll be good for a long time. But if the Celtics wanted him as part of a Paul Pierce deal, let’s just say I’d be in the locker room stuffing all of number nine’s things into a travel bag.
The Cubs are encouraged by Kerry Wood’s rehab. Then again, Eddie Sutton’s wife once said much the same thing.
The Wizard of Roz says both Chicago teams should stay away from Miguel Tejada. Yeah, wouldn’t want the best shortstop in the game on either team. Nah.
The best thing about Bruce Miles’ daily Cubs’ articles are the little digs he gets in at Dusty. Like today’s for example.
Baker insists he has never had any young players to manage, but now he has them. Murton hit 7 homers in 51 games last season. He’s also a patient and selective hitter, but Baker never has shown tolerance for that kind of guy.
Darko is about to be freed from his Pistonian prison and sent down to play with Dwight Howard, and Mickey and Goofy and Pat Garrity.
Former Bulls’ offensive mediocrity Jamal Crawford could be on the move again. Isiah Thomas has found a potential deal with Orlando that could further cripple his team’s salary cap for years to come and provide the kind of non-functioning backcourt that he desires. The deal would send Jamal, Penny Hardaway (forgot he was in the league until now, didn’t you?) and another (likely useful) player to the Magi in exchange for Stevie Franchise (killer) and the Green Hornet himself, Kelvin Cato. Stephon Marbury and Steve Francis in the same backcourt? Muahahahahahahahaha. Yeah, they’re going to LOVE each other.
Sports Guy on the Winter Olympics and their unwatchability, way too much on the Bachelor and some other stuff. His mention of his three “take one for the team” shows he watches with the Sports Gal reminded me of a couple things.
a) “How I Met Your Mother” blows. It’s awful. It could be good, it should be good, but it’s not. How can you take a cast that already has a smokin’ hot brunette on it, and Allyson Hannigan and add first ballot Cute Girl Hall of Famer Ashley Williams (Kimberly Williams’ little sister) and ruin it?
This guy:
He’s the main character, he’s in almost every scene. He’s awful, unfunny, pathetic and unwatchable.
Guh.
When the grown up version of you is played by Bob Saget and the viewers wish he were playing the 25 year old version of you, too…that’s bad.
Love Monkey, CBS’ blatant Ed ripoff (right down to casting Ed in it) has already been axed. Mainly because it sucked. They overcast it. Too many characters other than the only three you actually needed. You needed Wayne, you needed Tom Cavanaugh’s character and you needed Judy Greer’s character. You didn’t need 90210, the gay sports caster, the token black friend, or Franco the angry fireman-indy music exec from Rescue Me. You throw in a random hot babe from show to show to sleep with Tom and/or Wayne and you’ve got a hit. Just give me a freakin’ network.
Kelly Dwyer now writes four articles an hour for SI.com. OK, not really. But it’s close.
On Monday he wrote two:
He was asked (along with other SI writers) to name 10 players to the original 50 NBA players honored at the NBA’s 50th anniversary shindig in Cleveland. He leaves off both Tom Boerwinkel and Rory Sparrow.
He runs through trade possibilities. None of which include trading Mike Sweetney’s shorts to the city of New Orleans use as temporary roofs for hundreds of hurricane damaged homes.
Yesterday? Two more.
A look at how deadline deals have worked out in the recent past. He skims over the impact that John Starks had on the Bulls in that 2000 Kukoc deal.
And he looks at life as Yao. He mentions in there how small Patrick Ewing’s hands were. Did you know Patrick wore a size 11 shoe? An eleven! I wear an eleven. Patrick’s wife must have been soooooo disappointed.
Apparently Jim Bowden e-mailed MLB.com (huh?) to tell them that Sammy has turned down the Nats offer. Have fun shagging balls and Nippon Hams with Jose Macias this year, Sammy!
America’s finest news source on the NBA season so far.
With Michael and Hank out Worldballin, who will I be?
Hope you have plenty of me for the upcoming season, Cub fans
#1, I’d guess Geovany Soto. Good times.
Don’t forget me, #s 1 & 3!!! Afterall, I’m also on the 40-man roster!
The thought of sitting in a recliner while getting a lap dance from Jessica Alba has temporarily made me incapable of working.
It took Alba to get you inactive? I’da guessed Iowa in first place in the Big 11 woulda done that.
When I was alive, Patrick Ewing often used me as a condom. Poor Mrs. Ewing couldn’t take the beating. But the jock groupies and the skanks at the tit club? They fuckin’ loved me…and Pat.
Bah, that roster would never be us! You think we’d let two spades get into our starting rotation? Never!
You know Chuck, I’m not a big fan of Alford’s but he has taken more than his share of a beating the past couple of years. I was a season ticket holder for Iowa hoops till the season after they won the Big Ten tourney and the athletic department demanded $500 per seat donation in order to keep them. I told them to shove it in their ass, as did hundreds of others each year since. You could’ve walked up to the window and bought a ticket for last night’s game against the Izzone as late as yesterday afternoon. That said, they have a pretty impressive list of wins this year (Kentucky, NC State, Illinois, Indiana twice, Ohio St. Michigan, and Michigan St.).
I would feel the most comfortable if Jim Hendry would jump my old bones. If Hitler was still alive, I would be working for his website.
GO CUBBIES
Speaking of me, I’m on the cover of the new Playboy.
Whops, mispelled my name there.
Great to read nerdy sexual fantasies concerning Jessica Alba. Here’s a hint – if you know who’s on the cover of Playboy and you’re over 14 years old, you need to find a woman who will have actual sex with you – and by that I mean she needs to be in the same room with you, not in your head battling your favorite scenes from Battle Star Galactica for your attention while you pleasure yourself.
If you’d ever come up out of your basement and/or get your head out of your ass, maybe you’d notice a Playboy magazine at newsstand or convenience store since they’re kinda hard to miss. Then again, you may be some misanthrope fag who walks around with his iPod on and not paying attention to anything in the real world. Douche.
I jerk off too. Sometimes when I’m at the liquor store buying beer and wine I see Playboy on the rack. If I recognize the woman on the rack I make a note of it and wonder if there’s pictures of her nekkid inside. I don’t think this makes me abnormal or immature.
I think the only valid reason not to care who’s on or in playboy is homosexuality. I think even women should look at it and get turned on and masturbate. Gotta go, bye.
“In the end of the day, both of these guys got what they were looking for. They both made the Hall of Fame. Harry is loved in Chicago and world-wide and Milo is loved in Houston.”
That’s the high road?
“I think the only valid reason not to care who’s on or in playboy is homosexuality”
“I think even women should look at it and get turned on and masturbate”
Uh, but if women are looking at it, aren’t they likely to be homosexuals, and thus they shouldn’t be paying attention?
I’m back guys! It’s the first day of Spring training and I’m already claiming the Cubs are LYING!!! I just told the Score listeners on the 4:00 update that the Cubs are hoping Wood will be ready by mid-April, but I interjected that it will be late May or early June.
If you’re having regular sex with a hot chick than one or both of you don’t know how to fuck. You should be having incredible sex with her. If you need some pointers on how to do this, don’t look at porn because that’s all fake. Ask Tarzan Wallis or Paul how to make the bitches howl! They’re the real experts. Take heed, 15! There’s hope for you and your hot minx yet!
Shut up, you! I’m trying to have a nerdy sexual fantasy. Don’t ruin it by interjecting with fact or logic. Now, where was I… Oh, yeah… She slides one hand down her panties and the other down mine as I lick my finger and turn the page… Her breathing intesifies… “Are you wearing my underwear?” she asks.
I forget. Do the comments veer off into sexual tangents during the regular season?
Only when Z is pitching and Hank is catching
I must admit, there are also interviews with us in the Alba Playboy.
I’m funny, bitch. Also, how can you bash anything involving NPH?? Blow me.
See you later, Iowa bitches.
I have been compared to a young Hank White.
Fear me, bitches.
That steaming pile that Rogers left on his editor’s desk is so unintentionally hilarious.
It’s as if the thought of Sosa playing in the WBC came to Phil as an epiphany. He was then so excited to print it that he started writing the piece before he could think it through. Then, while writing, he came to the realization that Sosa would be hard pressed to see the field but, instead of scrapping the entire idea, he FORGED AHEAD ANYWAY. He mentions that Sosa would be way down on the depth chart, but somehow still tries to convince his impressionable and marginally retarded faithful readers that it is still a good idea. Gotta love the determination inherent in his bullheaded attempt to cram his square peg of an opinion into the round hole of reality.
What a maroon.
Way to go, boys. Took exactly one comment to get to the homo stuff. Gee, I guess I was wrong. You really are mature. I’ll let you studs get back to your sausage polishing now. Be sure to lock the door though. You never know when mom might get back and bust in on you.
“Dusty Baker is preaching that his team will have a “quiet confidence†this year. So quiet that even they won’t know they have it. Hey, whatever it takes to go 80-82.”
You slander the proud Dusty Baker! He was truly stung last year when for the first time one of his teams didn’t have a winning season.
Your 80-28 prediction is waaay off. You watch. This guy will bust his ass to see this team go 82-80.
Oops. Obviously that should read “80-82” in the final paragraph, not “80-28.”
Guess I’ve been spoiled by edit features.
It’s sad to see this once-proud site continue to freefall toward rock bottom at a Sosa-esque pace.
Go away.
Take Mack with you
I’m the Bears’ answer to Mack Newton.
I love it when Paul explains his machismo, that never gets old. You 15 year old computer nerds are so cool!!
I only have 3 words to say….”more Matt Turvey”…..On Hoops is looking solid.
Things to make sure of before Spring Training begins:
Two-year contract: check.
Paunch and man-boobs: check.
Looking good.
I never sausage a weak attempt at trolling,nice try you blowhard.Guess I’ll put another banger in mah mouth before this turns into something sexual.
Gay jokes and puns. Nerdalicious, gents!
Can i come back bitches?
Who’s the one on here at 8:28 p.m., you troll.
“Who’s the one on here at 8:28 p.m., you troll.”
Past your bedtime? Or should I be watching a rerun of some nerdtastic show like Buffy or Dark Angel?
By the way, is Kerry Wood at real spring training or are they holding a simulated spring training for him?
You probably don’t have a TV in your parents’ basement.
And it’s not past my bedtime, but those of us who actually work for a living do have to get up fairly ealry. Of course, by the time you towel off after a long night of Internet-whacking, the sun may be coming up.
Apparently I am taking advice from Latroy Hawkins on how to deal with the Cubs’ media. This should be good, mes amies.
“We’re going to change our fitness program a little bit as far as working out after [practice] rather than before,” Baker said. “For many years, most of my teams have done most of their work before. So we’re just going to try something different and see if that works.
Wha? Fitness Program? I thought I was exempt from that.
“…those of us who actually work for a living do have to get up fairly ealry.”
I gotcha. Those Dunkin’ Doughnuts don’t make themselves, huh?
Dead?
I sure hope not.
Yeah, Hoops! You rule! I only use the pythagorean theoram, vorp, win shares and obp. Look how awesome I am. I know sports! I have a great system that tells me who is the best. Dunn and Soriano are gods! Win shares, vorp…how awesome! I love baseball. Go Cubbies! Wheee!!! I BLEED CUBBIE BLUE!, yet, I still don’t understand why normal people hate Cubs fans and saber weenies? YES!!!!!!!!!!
Once again, we’re a joke.
Whoever is doing the Hoopscubs jokes should be me.
I’m sorry #53, but that is not on my radar.
Pissing idiot desipiots off is me.
Omigod, Scott Eyre is a fat lazy jerk
http://chicago.cubs.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/news/article.jsp?ymd=20060218&content_id=1315220&vkey=spt2006news&fext=.jsp&c_id=chc
“Scott Eyre does not run with the other pitchers. He simply doesn’t run.”
Good points there NSBB – let’s sign a free agent to a team that has had injury problems, and then make him do an activity that will cause him to go on the DL. Oh yeah, he’s 6’1″ 200lbs, what are you, 7’3″ a buck fifty?
And Doltan, I don’t want to ruin your uncomfortable man-crush on Hank White, but Blanco had more passed balls per inning than Barrett last year. Oh yeah, in Blanco’s 2nd year as Maddux’s personal catcher in Atlanta, Greg’s ERA jumped 1.34 runs/game. Enjoy that 5.01 ERA this year, Mark Prior, and kiss goodbye that .750 winning percentage the Cubs had in games that Barrett caught you last year.
Woops.
Slovakia? You’ve got to be shitting me…
You tied us, too! And just lost to Sweden, even with two, long 5 on 3 power plays.
I’m the best you could do? I a slightly worse Steve Sullivan. My decision making is downright awful. Did you see me fuck up every power play opportunity I had? Nothing like having to change lines because mine can’t even set it up in their zone. How many bad passes did I make again today? How many led to breakaways? Two. I suck.
I have missed more chances than anyone. I have no points. I swing and miss more than Sammy.
Wheee! Being 1-2-1 going into a matchup with Russia is fun!
I didn’t even play today.
After all these years, I’m still funny.
Yes, I am 7’3″ and 150 lbs. I was also mocking the typical NSBB response to that item in the Cubs.com article. BTw, who is Doltan?
Mattingly, shave those sideburns!
Has Griffey been getting into the brain and nerve tonic again?
#56….man, when a guy is so fat that he can get shin splints running in grass that is pathetic. Ride that bike fat ass.
Chris Singleton told a story on the Score the other day about how when I was a White Sock, I’d practice standing in the outfield for a few weeks before spring training started to get my body used to doing it. I wish I was making this up.