Last night new Washington Redskins coach Joe Gibbs was in Florida trying to woo Jaguars’ backup quarterback Mark Brunell to come to DC to play for the Redskins. If Brunell had any questions about the health and vitality of the 63 year old Gibbs, it may have been summed up when Gibbs said these inspirational words.
“Uh, Mark? I think I’m going to need you to drive me to the hospital.”
This is like having Dave Wannstedt stop by for lunch and then asking you to drop him off at the plastic surgeon to have his hairlip fixed.
OK, it’s not quite like that.
Gibbs is a diabetic and he suffered an insulin imbalance and needed Brunell to take him to the hospital, where he was given an insulin injection and released.
You never get a second chance to make a first impression. Or something.
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Some influential Notre Dame Alumni (are there any other kind?) have put pen to paper and sent a letter to the Board of Trustees calling for some major changes in the Notre Dame football program. Among the changes they are demanding are:
– More power for AD Kevin White
– For White to focus more on football than the other sports
– For Notre Dame to stop investigating conference membership
– Prettier cheerleaders
– A pass rush
– A bar in South Bend that doesn’t suck.
OK, the last three are on my list, not necessarily on theirs.
An interesting thing about this letter is that it specifically says that it is not a call for the removal of head coach Ty Willingham. Well, that seems benevolent of them. You know, he hasn’t won a national coach of the year award in like 13 months, now.
I’m a Notre Dame fan and we’re not a very rational bunch. But even I know that the program needed a major overhaul after Bob Davie got done driving his little clown car over it. This letter smacks of a reaction to what was termed by “recruiting experts” as a poor incoming freshman class for this fall.
Here’s what we know about “recruiting experts.” Their job is to call immature, spoiled, entitled high school kids on the phone every night and ask them what college they think they’re going to go to. The reason guys like Tom Lemming get to be famous is because if you’re a beat writer for a Division-I football program you’ve got enough on your plate trying to keep track of the 100 football players and coaching staff of the team you’re covering, much less trying to stay abreast of the high school kids, too. So if Willie Williams signs with Miami and you’re covering the Hurricanes, you pick up the phone, call Lemming and get a few quotes about Williams’ talent. After enough of those, Lemming has credibility, whether he deserves it or not. Just because a shut-in with a $800 per month phone bill and a cable modem says that your team recruited poorly (or well) doesn’t make it so.
By the way, remember Williams, the guy immortalized in the Miami Herald series where they got his reactions after he visited Florida State, Miami, and Florida? He was the guy who called the Auburn coeds “farm girls” and complained that he didn’t get to eat enough lobster? Yeah, he’s in jail.
Again.
Here are Willie’s “recruiting journals.”
Florida — He leaves out the good stuff, apparently.
Florida State
Auburn
Miami
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Notre Dame’s basketball team got a much needed big win. They upset fifth ranked Connecticut last night, and this time Jim Calhoun didn’t get to complain about how mean the Notre Dame fans were to his widdle players.
I don’t mean to take credit, but did you notice that just about the time Dee Brown started to take a more supporting role in the Illinois offense, they started to play well? Hmm?
Jamal Crawford is growing up. Sure he is.
Wade Wilson is the new QB coach of the Bears. They tried to hire Eric Hipple but they don’t have a golf shirt big enough for him. Was Joe Kapp not available? Hey, they could have brought Greg Landry back. Nah.
Mike Downey’s off his meds again. Just painful.
Jim Hendry and Scott Boras had a phone conversation yesterday and will meet later this week to finally put the Maddux deal to rest.
Desipio’s spies indicate the call went like this:
Hendry: Hello?
Boras: Hi Jim, it’s Scott.
Hendry: How’s it going?
Boras: Great, just got off the phone with 14 teams interested in signing Greg.
Hendry: Is Greg in the room with you?
Boras:silence
Hendry: Cough if he’s in the room with you.
Boras: cough
Hendry: If we’re still the only team interested in Greg, cough twice.
Boras: cough, cough
Hendry: Tell you what, I’ll leak it that we talked today and that we’re going to meet this weekend. Then you can cut the bulls@#$ and we’ll sign the deal and make you look like a genius again. Okay?
Boras: That’s great news. We’ll run some numbers and see where your offer stands. OK, why don’t I call you back in a few days?
Hendry: click
Boras: You bet. We know how desperate you are to get Greg. Absolutely. No, really, don’t beg, it’s embarrassing. I’ve gotta run. Really, Jim, don’t grovel. OK. I’ll call you in a couple days.
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I have said before that I’ve never read an entire Carol Slezak column and this one keeps that streak alive. I quit about two thirds of the way down because I was losing IQ points just reading it. Honestly, it’s like Mariotti put down the doughnut and wrote this for her. In it she claims that Wrigley is losing its charm because of four more night games and new seats behind home plate. Well, God forbid that the Cubs try and add some seats to a ballpark that sold tickets at 99 percent of capacity last year, or that they try and schedule a few more at a time when people who work for a living could watch them on TV. Go away.
The Orioles can’t find Javy Lopez. Seriously.
Dan Dickau got traded to Portland so his girlfriend can get her job as a Trail Blazer dancer back, and he took Shareef Abdur-Rahim and Theo Ratliff with him. Oh, and the Hawks get Rasheed Wallace and Wes Person and don’t intend to keep either one. Yeah, Atlanta should be great next year!
Dr. Robert Atkins (perhaps you heard of him) was 258 pounds when he died. He was only 6’0. Muahahahahaha. More bacon, anyone?
You can’t beat fun at the old ballgame.
Gil Grissom nailed a guy for peeing on the roof of a restaurant he robbed.
A Scottish Lesbian posed as a boy to lure a 12 year old girl into her clutches. Yikes.
America’s finest news source examines some of the problems with the Patriot Act.
I wish the football program at the University of Illinois was able to attract outstanding talent and upstanding character that resides in players like Willie Williams.
Maybe if C-U can get a second Red Lobster, then the program can meet the requirements of Mr. Williams.
The holding cell had all the chicken I could eat. But I was like, "Damn, get some take out Red Lobster!" Stupid damn farmboy prison guards…
Shit!
Somebody tapped my phone!
I’ll bet it was that Karry Ling…
Over the weekend, the National Sportswriters Association (or whatever) named Mike Downey the Sportswriter of the Year for Illinois! Also, I learned 3 things this morning from Murph and Fred:
1. Some dumbass out there believes that Fred is a "football expert".
2. According to Murph, a 5 year, 70 million dollar contract pays you $17 million a year.
3. Murph believes that the Cubs will erode their fan base by playing more night games, because it somehow prevents young kids from going. Does this guy wake up every day in the year 1963? You can’t just ride your bike to Wrigley Field and pay $2 to sit in the bleachers. Kids don’t go to games without their parents. Their parents work, mostly during the day. The only fan base this could possibly erode is the part made up of middle aged ladies in Iowa who like to watch the games on TV during the day.
Millwood gets 11mil from the Phils. This only hurts Maddux. No way is he getting 10mil/yr. Looks like 8mil/yr should be enough to sign him….
Weee don lack President George Bush…if it is na Scottish, and female…it’s CRAP!!
Most of the guys Illinois recruits for football do seem like quality people. Illinois seemed to a get a recruiting class that was better relative to their record last season. The only bad thing about it is that the most highly-regarded recruit Illinois got in this class is….
(Drumroll please…)
A kicker.
That will be important for Ron Turner to lose games 38 to 9 instead of 38 to 3.
Yo, they need someone to replace me. I’m kicking on Sundays next year, baybee…of course, that might be in the Horizon for the Rush.
The Illini were never able to get past the loss of me and my wonderful extra-point and short distance field goal kicking.
Little Known Fact – I was the inspiration for the Adam Sandler song "The Lonesome Kicker"
Ahem. It’s the Allstate Arena! Stop calling it the Rosemont Horizon.
If you need me I’ll be out at Comiskey Park.
Ah, TW, you forget that in addition to pitching, Greg will also be tutoring the young pitchers on the staff, doing the team laundry, driving the team bus, and write 3 articles a week for the Tribune sports section. You don’t get a mulit-versatile guy like that for less than 15 million.
I’m a big fan of multi-versatility!
Maybe, but he has small hands. So does his mother.
Small hands, smells like cabbage….
We’re dopes.
I’ve got the whole world in my hands…I’ve got the whole world in my hands!
Also, I’m planning on getting an article into Desipio on Thursday. So, then you can print it out and use it as toilet paper or something.
I’m planning on getting an article into Desipio on Thursday. So, then you can print it out and use it as toilet paper or something.
Geez, I hate those double posts.
Murph and Fred, you are bad, but you are better than Mike North.
BC, hey little buddy, what about me?
So Mrs. Atkins wants Mayor Bloomberg to apologize for referring to her deceased husband as "fat". When he was alive Dr. Atkins called his obesity "bloating attributable to a heart infection" and not to his diet. Gee, I wonder if Dr. and Mrs Atkins had any financial reason for not wanting to cast doubt on the Atkins Diet?
I hate to be the one who brings up the Maddux situation, but according to the Sun Times Hendry is about to start bidding against himself when there are no confirmed competing bids from anyone. This guy Boras is not to be underestimated.
Actually, I take the Daily Dose with me each day for my mid-morning crap.
It works well. In fact… ahhh… oops.
Hey, B.C., the Illinois basketball team recruits good guys, too.
On an unrelated note, anyone need any CDs?
Hey Luther, you may be an idiot, but you had a damn good game last night.
Thanks, CT. Can I get a ride home?
Yeah, just keep the hands where I can see them.
Good joke from the WDWS-AM post-game last night (Not my stuff, but it is funny)…
"Why has Luther Head been shooting so good from three lately?"
"Because everybody knows he can’t drive…"
Socrates said, ‘Bad men live that they may eat and drink, whereas good men eat and drink that they may live’. by online poker