From now on, every time Derrek homers, so do I.
When people talk about the Cubs and the All-Star Game they talk about Derrek Lee of course, because he’s been the best player in the league…no…the big leagues so far this year, and they talk about Neifi!, mostly because shortstops in the National League all blow. While Neifi’s swoon has doomed what little hope he had of making the team, that doesn’t mean Derrek should make the trip to Detroit by himself.

After a very slow start in April, E-ramis Ramirez turned it up in May and is tearing it up in June. Just about the time he started to hit, he also remembered how to field. Funny how that works.

E-ramis has hit a pair of monstrous homers in the first two games of this series with the Brewers. The game-winner he hit last night would have made it to the parking lot had a Cubs fan not reached over the railing and hauled it in. That prompted Bob Brenly to note, “The Cubs’ fans are playing better defense tonight than the Brewers’ players.”

E-ramis has gone .371/.413/.700 with 6 homers and 16 RBI in June to raise his season numbers to .296, 16 homers and 42 RBI.

His stiffest competition at third base will come from Troy Glaus of the Diamondbacks (who is currently in the tank) and Joe Randa of the Reds, because the Reds will need an All-Star. Scott Rolen is going to win the voting (though E-ramis is closing the gap), so unless The Genius decides to take three third basemen, E-ramis either needs the Reds to hurry up and trade Randa or for us to vote for him in that thing where they pick five players for the final spot.

You’ve got to hand it to the self-proclaimed “Best Fans in Baseball”, they sure know how to punch ballots for a guy hitting .242.

Over on the message board, we had a discussion about why E-ramis doesn’t bat right behind Derrek Lee, especially since they seem to like to homer in the same inning these days.

It’s true that E-ramis’ numbers are better when hitting cleanup:
.300/.372/.615 batting fourth
.297/.349/.485 batting fifth

But look at what batting in between the two big guys does for Burnitz
.305/.381/.476 batting fourth
.286/.321/.480 batting fifth
.255/.263/.527 batting sixth

I find it interesting that the higher Jeromy’s on base average goes the lower his slugging percentage goes. Those numbers when he hits sixth just scream, “Watch me swing from my ass!”

And just so you know Burnitz’s numbers aren’t a complete fluke, he has more at bats now (105) batting cleanup than he does hitting fifth (98) or sixth (55).

If you look at the Cubs’ starting lineup (and really, it’s a tough look), you see that they’ve got four guys right now with a clue. Lee, Ramirez, Burnitz and Todd Walker. Michael Barrett for the most part has a clue. So that gives them five. Can you win a pennant with three clueless spots in your order every day, plus the pitcher’s spot?

Absolutely. All you need is a time machine to go back to the ’20s or ’30s.

Why does Dusty insist on batting Barrett eighth so much? Last night he hit Enrique Wilson there. Dusty’s reasoning for batting Enrique eighth was that the league wouldn’t let him bat Enrique tenth.

But usually, Barrett, bats eighth. And you know why Dusty does that. Because, “Michael hits good there, dude. Hard to find a guy who hits good eighth, dude.”

But Michael hits better…much better…higher in the order. Check out his stats batting sixth, as compared to eighth.

.364/.382/.636 — batting sixth
.258/.299/.468 — batting eighth

Granted, he only has 33 at bats hitting sixth, compared to 124 batting eighth, but doesn’t that kind of production just beg for a chance to hit higher?

I’m done advocating the Cubs use Todd Walker in the leadoff spot because it makes too much sense. Why would you want to have anybody on base for Derrek Lee? You can even argue that Walker’s inability to steal bases might come in handy if teams take the Barry Bonds, “walk Lee if there’s an open base” strategy, because if Walker singles or walks, he’s stuck on first until somebody bangs one over or off the wall. But since nobody will listen to me, I’ll just be quiet.

I won’t beg them to hit Barrett second, either. I’m not going to openly wonder what might happen if a manager did that for…oh, say…a week or two just for shits and giggles?

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Jerome Williams made his Cubs’ debut last night and it was a good one. Granted, the Brewers aren’t the ’61 Yankees, especially with Lyle Overbay getting a night off in favor of Prince Fielder. I think Ned Yost started Prince to help Jerome with his body issues. If you’re in a room with Prince, it’s tough to be the fattest guy in that room.

You knew it was going to be a tough night for Michael Barrett behind the plate when the WGN scouting report listed five pitches for Williams. How’d you like to catch a guy for the first time and try to figure out when to use five different pitches?

But other than some shaky control early in the game, and an inability to keep the great Bill Hall from hitting line drives into the TGI Friday’s in left field, Williams and Barrett did very well.

There’s never been any question about Jerome’s talent. He’s only 23 and this is already his third big league season. You wonder how long he’s going to be a Cub, though. He might just be their most attractive current trading piece, given his age and experience. Then again, he makes it that much easier to deal one of the prospects.

Funny thing is, Jerome’s not the most talented guy in the trade. That falls to David Aardsma who has a 1.27 ERA at West Tennessee. Aardsma was one of those college closers who teams have recently tried to rush to the majors with mixed (good – Chad Cordero) results (bad – Ryan Wagner).

Looks like LaTroy might just work out for the Cubs after all.

Jerome’s puka shell necklace gets lots of attention. He wears it because his dead mother gave it to him and it was nice of Len Kasper to point out that some asshat former Diamondbacks manager made a big stink about Jerome’s necklace in 2003 when Jerome was a Giant. It’s the same asshat former Diamondbacks manager who made a stink about Ben Davis bunting in a Curt Schilling no hitter bid (even though Davis scored the tying run after bunting for that hit).

Give Brenly credit, he apparently went to Jerome before last night’s game to explain to him that he did it to try and get into Jerome’s head because Williams went 2-1 against the Diamondbacks in 2003 with a nifty 2.70 ERA.

Jerome apparently accepted Brenly’s explanation, because he’s a big man, and Brenly did not appear to have a clubhouse stool sticking out of his forehead during last night’s broadcast.

Looking over Jerome’s career numbers, he’s never pitched against the Cubs, but he’s 2-1 with a 2.35 ERA against St. Louis. That’ll work.

About the only thing Jerome did wrong in his Cubs’ debut was pick those hideous blue pajama top jerseys. That was going to be the best part of him going into the rotation and Glendon Rusch having to leave it was that it would leave Carlos as the only guy who always picks the ugly blue tops. I thought that losing six of seven in the pajamas last week would have put them in mothballs for a while. I guess not.

I once heard from a Cardinals fan how “cool it is that we don’t have throwback uniforms because we have had the same classy home whites and road grays forever.”

I’m not sure who we is, because I remember these:
Look like a porn star, hit like a ... porn star.