Cleveland Indians minor league prospect Kazuhito Tadano held a press conference yesterday to admit that he once appeared in a Japanese gay porn video in which he “engaged in a homosexual sex act.” Karry Ling was watching the press conference live in the news room and said, “Oh, so that’s where I’ve seen that guy before.”
I went to the Cleveland Plain Dealer’s Web site to read the “hometown” version of the story and get this headline:
As Tadano explains his past, pitcher’s future excites Indians
This is either one clever copy editor, or one who will get fired today.
ESPN.com changed their headline from Indian Minor Leaguer: Gay porn role was a ‘mistake’ to Minor leaguer: It was a one time incident. I liked the first one, because I thought the article would have Kaz explaining, “The role was too one dimensional. I want to do some real acting. Getting greased up and enjoying some hot man on man action is one thing, but I want to act. I was hoping the role would be more developed. I had a great idea about how my character was a former gang banger who had turned his life around and was now a supercop who infiltrated the seedy world of baby oil wearing man slaves.”
The only thing that stinks about this is that the Cubs won’t play the Indians any time soon. Can you imagine the palpable and hilarious horror that would overtake Chip Caray if he said, “Tadano nails Sosa with a wicked backdoor slider.”
Anyway, Tadano proved that he’s a little naive. He’s in America now, and he has to learn the golden rule of homosexuality in our culture. If a woman has sex with another woman, and she’s hot, it will take her about half of one second to convince a man that she’s not gay. If a man even accidentally bumps into a gay man, he’s gay. Hey, I don’t make the rules.
You know it’s a bad day when you have to answer a question in your press conference, “I’m not gay. I’d like to clear that fact up right now.” Just ask Mike Piazza.
He is getting support from his teammates though. CC Sabathia said if you’re going to be a gay porn star, the Indians are the team for you. “This is the right team and the right organization for him,” Sabathia said. “We have good guys here. Everybody has done something that they regret in their lives. He’s a person just like everyone else.”
Sabathia was asked what the thing he’s done in his life that he regrets is, and he revealed that he was ashamed for years to admit that he once paid full price to see Mariah Carey’s movie, “Glitter.” And, that he liked it.
(shudder)
Tadano went on to say in his press conference, “I know that this brings a lot of unneeded controversy to the organization, and I want to say that I offered to be traded to the Chicago White Sox, because they don’t have any fans, and they have another Japanese guy on the team now, and chances are that if the other team’s fans throw garbage at me, they’ll hit him instead.”
—
John Kerry won the New Hampshire primary last night and today all anybody talks about is if he used Botox to uncrag his extremely craggy face.
Lets’ see. This is a picture of John Kerry from last week.
Here’s one from last night.
I don’t see any signs of plastic surgery, do you?
—
Last night on The Real World, not one, but two Real Worlders got arrested. Not only did they get arrested, but as Robin was sitting in her squad car Brad walked right by it and within five minutes he was under arrest, too, and neither of them knew the other one had been arrested.
Robin got sent to the hoosegow for punching a guy. But just how much of a wuss does a guy have to be to call the cops on somebody for what she did to him? He and some of his cool buddies were making fun of Robin and Cameran because Cameran was trying to use a fake ID to get into a bar and the bouncer wouldn’t let her in. So they called them, “The Fake World.” Robin turned around gave the guy a fairly hard punch to the back. Then she walked away and put Cameran in a cab and then Robin went into the bar. The bar manager found Robin later and told her “somebody wanted to see” her outside. It was the cops. I guarantee the only reason the guy called the cops is because he wants to sue her and MTV and get some cash. Nice society we live in.
Brad’s arrest was even more of a joke. He and the tall guy who won’t comb his hair got thrown out of the bar for being too drunk. They were walking home and some other San Diegoans started making fun of them. Brad started talking tough and the same cop who put Robin in her squad car tells Brad to shut up and get a ride home. Some yahoo yells at Brad and Brad tells the guy to “f@#$ off” and the cops arrest him for being drunk in public.
It reminded me of the classic Ron White story about getting arrested for public intoxication in New York. “They said I was under arrest for being drunk in pub-lick. I was drunk in a bar! They threw me into pub-lick!”
I also found it ironic that when Robin’s bail was set at $8,000 none of the Real Worlders knew that they could bond her out for 10 percent of that. Since they just got $200 a piece for passing their little boat test, they could probably have scraped together the cash to get her out. Hee hee.
Apparently up until now the worst Real World as far as people in the town giving crap to the crew and cast was in Chicago. I’m kind of proud of that, actually. But it looks like San Diego will win the crown as “city meanest to the cast of Real World”. We haven’t even gotten to the rape yet. That comes up later on in the season.
—
In more Asian news, and more legal trouble news (see how these things all fit together?–stunning, I know), Cubs hurler Jae-kuk Ryu will have to come back to the states early and do his 100 hours of community service in Florida by the end of February. You’ll remember that last spring Ryu threw a baseball at an osprey and kept hitting the bird until it was dead. A spokesman for the family of the dead osprey had this to say:
“What kind of a sick jackass throws a baseball at a bird until it dies? Our only regret is that Shawn Estes wasn’t the one trying to committ the attack. He wouldn’t have been able to hit a bird enough times to kill it.”
—
Speaking of Estes, the Rockies have signed both him and The Troll, Jeff Fassero, this offseason. They’ve also announced that in an effort to protect fans in right field they’ll issue these:
to give them a fighting chance against the barrage of home run balls that will be flying into that part of the ballpark all year long.
—
Scottie Pippen came back and the Bulls wore their cool old 1985 road jerseys but they lost to the Clippers. How sad is is that both teams wore retro jerseys that are cooler than the ones they normally wear?
Bob Vandenberg won’t be sending Jerry Reinsdorf a Hanukah card this year, will he?
Skip Myslinski with a great one a guy we could never not like, Lou Henson.
Groucho points out that until the end of the title run in 1998, the Bulls had only had three seasons without an All-Star representative. This year will make six straight. Ouch.
What, Kornell David was never an all-star?
Speaking of Kornell, if I could speak French, I’d know what he and Khalid El-Amin were up to. For Khalid, I’d imagine the daily itinerary doesn’t include dieting.
The Cubs can officially add the 200 seats behind home plate, which means Paul Bako won’t have as far to run when he lets another one go through the wickets.
Mariotti puts down the doughnut for the shocking story that Rosey Colvin wishes he were playing in the Super Bowl. Wow.
Robb Nen might be out for 2004.
Fox loves midgets, they’ve got a reality TV series set to start about some of them and one of them made the first cut on American Idol last night.
I didn’t know that Toni Kukoc was in Berlin?
Halle Berry got conked on the noggin while filming “Catwoman.”
America’s finest news source with the all-too-familiar story of a concert ruined by a guy enjoying himself too much.
Andy, Im disappointed at you. Why wouldn’t you want a self-important jackass from The Real World to get arrested for being exactly that? I guarantee you that if I had been punched by that top-heavy idiot, I would have done the same thing. And I do agree with you. I take a sick pride in the fact that Chicago was so mean to Anorexic Cara and Crew while they were here. Fuck ’em
From Mariotti to Midgets (this fall on Desipio NBC) all link to the Jay non-story.
Looks like this is going to come in handy: http://www.freedict.com/onldict/jap.html
Lets see there’s:
Ittou oppai inkei.
Ittou okama.
Ittou kamawohoru.
Geibo-i.
Leave it to stupid, dirty trust-fund Bucktown hippies to turn Real World cast members into sympathetic creatures.
Leave it to stupid, dirty, trust-fund Bucktown hippies to turn Real World cast members into sympathetic creatures.
Whoops.
Too much patchouli on the keyboard.
What I really want to do is direct.
I guess I don’t have a future in Gay porn
http://www.kiwinews.co.nz/cgi-bin/editor/print.pl?article=3536
Hey, kid. It’s not a career ender. Really!
The minor league hockey team for whom I am an off-ice official has a Japanese goalie who came over this season to play in the U.S. after a stint on their national team. We have a game this evening and I will ask him if there are additional details.
Which hockey team? The Hawks?
Hey, I’m not gay either.
I just did it for the money, too. Yeah, that’s the ticket.
Hey, what the hell???
Baseball Prospectus throws a wrench into my "Rockies All The Way" theory.
I think with a rotation of:
Jason Jennings
Denny Stark
Joe Kennedy
and then 2 of:
Aaron Cook, Chin Hui Tsao, and our old friends Fassero and Estes, this surely is still the team to beat!
For those of you without the $$$ to pay for membership, I leave with you this quote from the article:
"From this vista, the ’04 Colorado Rockies look like the worst team in the NL’s weakest division".
Go Rockies!
man! I hope that goalie plays for the RoughRiders.
Of course he’s not gay.
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2004/baseball/mlb/01/27/indians.gay.porno.ap/index.html?cnn=yes
I mean, just look at that hair!
He’s just hoping that Americans don’t think it’s any big deal.
After all, last year the Cubs traded for a guy who was caught on tape beating his weiner, right?
I’m sorry sir, you’ll have to ask that question another way, I’m not sure how to say "fully engorged penis" in Japanese.
No wait, I just thought of it.
(Turns to Tadano) Singtau, ho shon Madonna mouthful, hi!
I want to know what his "homosexual sex act" was.
Did he take it in the jaw? Did he give it to another guy in the jaw?
He’s a pitcher, so he likes that. Me, I’m a catcher, so it could be any of the four.
What number is he? That might be a clue. Hmmmm?
#69.
New Material!
What am I going to nickname this guy? Porky? Roger? Fudge?
(To his interpreter)
"I want everone to know I am not happy about this".
(Interpreter)
"I am not gay."
I think it was a hand puppet
KRON-TV fined $27,500 for indecent exposure
‘Puppetry’ show performer flashed genitals on camera
Peter Hartlaub, Chronicle Staff Writer Wednesday, January 28, 2004
——————————————————————————–
The Federal Communications Commission fined the owners of Bay Area television station KRON $27,500 Tuesday for broadcasting a live news segment in which a performer from a stage show flashed his genitals.
The penalty is the maximum allowed for a single infraction and was only the second fine in the FCC’s history for a television broadcast, according to one commissioner.
The agency has come under increased pressure to crack down on profanity on the airwaves. A congressional hearing on obscenity is scheduled for today, prompted in part by the FCC’s decision not to fine NBC after Bono, the lead singer of rock group U2, uttered the word f — during the broadcast of the Golden Globes Awards show last year.
In addition to the KRON fine, the agency proposed its largest fine in history — $755,000 against radio giant Clear Channel Communication.
The KRON incident occurred on the morning of Oct. 4, 2002, when the two members of a traveling theater act titled "Puppetry of the Penis" were invited to the station’s San Francisco headquarters. After a brief discussion about the show — which features performers twisting their privates into shapes resembling people, places and things including a hamburger and the Loch Ness Monster — a camera panned over "Puppetry" member David Friend’s uncovered genitals, which flashed on screen for less than a second.
KRON maintained from the beginning that the station hadn’t intended for viewers to see the penis,
it was a hand puppet
I have my new nickname!
The puppet insists that he is not gay
That’s a tough sell with a hand up your ass.
Of course, Kaz…
I’m not gay either!
None of us are!! We just simply look SMASHING in our clothes!
Not that there’s anything wrong with that…
Anyone who has had a glimpse of the range and subtlety of the thought of Plato or of a Hegel will long ago have despaired of becoming a philosopher. by online poker