It’s funny when you see a game on TV and one of the announcers mentions that some of the fans are going at it in the stands. You just wonder what kind of rednecks would actually get into a fight at a baseball game.

Apparently, most of these fights occur when one, reasoned, intelligent, thoughtful fan points out that another fan is an Albino.

I know. It happened to me on Saturday.

Two things about “the fight.” It wasn’t really a fight, because the Albino didn’t really want to fight, he just wanted to act tough in front of his friends. It also didn’t happen in the stands, but on the concourse in the upper deck at old-new Comiskey. Oh, and the Albino…he’s a Cubs fan.

We had good seats in a very bad part of Comiskey for Saturday’s game. Upper deck, just over third base. I’d never been in the upper deck before, and in fact, I’d never been to a Sox game where more than a handful of fans had been up there at all. I’d heard the stories about how high and steep it is.

We were in row 14, so we weren’t even that high up…but wow…you felt like you were watching the game from a blimp. It’s ridiculous. I’ve been in the third deck at Miller Park and it wasn’t that high. But that was our perch as the Cubs jumped to a 3-0 lead against Bart Colon.

Even from our orbit we could tell that Bart is one fat dude. With Big Z, Carlos Zambrano on the mound, the 3-0 lead looked huge…as huge as Bart. Until Zambrano coughed it up and it was 3-3 after one.

Ironically, we were surrounded mainly by Cubs fans. Cubs fans were everywhere. So it wasn’t unpleasant, other than having to watch Lenny Harris play third base.

We went down on the concourse after a while, because after a few beers, being tilted like that makes you feel like you’re hanging over the field. So we watched a couple innings on the monitors and were surrounded by a fun bunch of fans. None, more fun than us, but still…

Then the rain delay came and went. The concourse thinned out. Except for three really loud Cubs fans. But I don’t even think they were really Cubs fans. Just three losers who picked a side and wanted to be loud about it. One of them, looked a lot like a lab rat. He had a shaved head with a Cubs bandana on it, a Wal-Mart knockoff blue Cubs jersey and legs that hadn’t seen the light of day since 1987. He was the in-your-face kind of fan that we all just love. His friends were pretty non-descript, except one of them was about 160 pounds, had a Cubs floppy hat on his head that you could have used to cover the pitcher’s mound during the rain delay and was at that point of drunkeness just before you pass out when you suddenly get so excited you can’t stand still.

The Cubs had taken a 6-4 lead and the Sox were rallying with two on, Troy O’Leary made a freakish catch for the first out. Then Sammy did something Sammy never does, he leapt at the wall and hauled in what would have been a three-run homer for Jose Valentin. I turned to my friend Wheels and said, “Ha! You’re screwed, he never does that.” Then, pinky Superfan went nuts. He’d been down the concourse watching on a different monitor when Sammy made the catch. He came running at us yelling “Sox suck! Whoo! And looking for somebody to high five.” I just said, “Hey, Albino. Settle down, there are only two out.” He stopped in his tracks and his little nose flared like somebody had dropped some cheese.

Though he was clearly an Albino, he didn’t like having it pointed out. He got pretty fired up and Floppy Skinny Guy did too. I’ve been around enough angry drunks to know that they’re pretty fun to toss around. But it was clear after a few seconds that Albino guy sized up the situation and realized he didn’t want to pursue it. However, Floppy Skinny Guy was too drunk to notice. He was yelling and doing the Fred Sanford “hold me back, hold me back!” Wheels and I laughed and went back to watching the game.

Floppy Skinny Guy disappeared and Albino guy told me I “owed him” for “saving” me. I laughed and told him to be careful, the sun was coming back out.

A couple of other guys walked by to ask Albino what his friend’s problem was. They reminded Albino that it was only a game. Then one said, “What was the big deal?” Albino pointed at me and said, “This Sox fan made it personal. He called me an Albino.” The guy looked at him and laughed in his face. I was actually kind of pissed off that he’d called me a Sox fan.

Then, suddenly, Floppy Skinny Guy was back. He literally made a run at me from about 20 feet away. I said to Wheels, “Watch this.” I took one step to my left and he skidded on by. On his way past he did manage to poke me in the neck. HE POKED ME! Sigh. He skidded to a halt and crashed into the brick wall, and suddenly six Sox security guards grabbed him and tossed him and the Albino and their other friends from the game.

Wheels had noticed that the Floppy Skinny Guy waited for the security guys to show up before he started anything.

What’s the lesson in all of this? Other than “don’t bring El Pulpo into meaningful games” there really isn’t one. I guess “if your friend’s an Albino don’t be so sensitive?”

I’ve been to games at Miller Park where I saw guys get punched out and nearly fall onto the field. I’ve been to Wrigley and seen one guy hit another guy over the head with a bottle of Bud. Now, I’ve been to old-new Comiskey and been the near victim of a “run by” Wet Willie attack.

The saddest part. The guy had to be a Cubs fan. Sigh.

If last weekend was painful, what with the Cubs falling way behind on Friday and Saturday, this weekend was excruciating. A blown lead and tie on Friday. A two-run lead in the eighth on Saturday and a loss? The indignity of watching Corey Patterson intentionally walked to get to Sammy, and watching Sammy strike out?

But one thing remains. The Cubs own Sunday! Or something. Blah.

The Cubs stretch run before the All-Star Game has some important games in it. Philadelphia, the Braves, the Marlins, and the Cardinals. Getting Hee Seop Choi back tonight in Philly will help, certainly, but you have to think that Jim Hendry by now has a sense of whether or not the Marlins will trade Mike Lowell. If they will, then he waits. If they’re not going to, he has to try and make a deal now.

Mike Murphy had a couple of horrendous suggestions this morning. First, he wants Sammy moved to the seventh spot. Well, sure, that’d be great. It’s not like he’d hit four homers in four games before the Sox series or anything. It’s not like he’s still the Cubs best hitter or anything. Sure, let’s get him less at bats! That’ll help.

His other one, is for the Cubs to forget about fixing third base and instead working out a trade for a relief pitcher.

Look, the bullpen has struggled, but every team goes this from time to time. The bullpen is still stocked with good arms and good relievers. It’s the least of the problems right now.

Kerry wouldn’t let the Cubs lose yesterday.

Dusty’s like Tiger, he doesn’t use the word slump.

The Paul Konerko injury on Saturday was hilarious.

Apparently, the Albino was back on Sunday.

Kerry had a stinger in his Achilles? Huh?

With Choi coming back and the Cubs not getting to use the DH again this year, there’s a problem. Why don’t they just play Karros at third? Could he be any worse than Lenny? Could anybody be worse than Lenny?

Rick Morrissey amuses himself.

Phil Rogers urges Cubs fans to stop the panic. But he says the Cubs won’t make the playoffs.

Groucho wants to bring back Scottie Pippen (yeah, he’d be happy) and Horace Grant (did he even play this year?) He also poses the Mike Dunleavy-Jason Richardson for Jamal Crawford possibility. I think Paxson might just do that.

MJ’s not going to own the Bucks after all.

Mariotti puts down the doughnut to say Stevie Loiaza should start the All-Star Game. Here’s my prediction for Loiaza. He’s 11-3 now. At the end of the season, he’s 14-12.

Mitch Lawrence says there’s not enough money to go around for the NBA free agent class of 2003. Oh, boo hoo.

Newsfilter’s picture of the day. Because really, everybody loves lesbians.

Ears. Bleeding. Make it. Stop.

Katherine Hepburn is dead. Wow, who knew she was alive?

A British bandmember says that X-tina really is a dirty, dirty whore.

Another good reason to not have sex with David Carradine.

Dennis Miller is campaigning for Gee Dub. Seriously.

Ronald Reagan’s not dead.

Neither is Abe Vigoda.

The world’s greatest newspaper says that OJ has finally found the “real killers.” Whew. Nice work, Nordberg.