As you know, this site has had its moments with ChicagoSports.com over the years. They don’t like us, and we think they’re wasting some pretty cool resources.
Honestly, if you had access to the Chicago Tribune’s sports columnists and sports stories, plus unlimited bandwidth and an actual staff of talented people, how could you make a bad Web site?
You shouldn’t be able to. But they do.
Today, things just got even cheesier.
ChicagoSports.com just added a section to their site called Bears Today where you can pay for in-depth coverage of the Chicago Bears. Huh? Why would anybody do this? Why would you pay actual cash money to read the in-depth analysis of chronic bed wetter Adam Caldarelli and the perpetually confused David Huh? Here’s my favorite part. The site is called Bears Today and it’s located here.
But if you go to BearsToday.com you get this. Which Matt Suhey are they covering?
If you want, you can send me a check for $29.95 and I’ll give you a Bears update.
“They suck and they might not get any better.”
How’s that for analysis?
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The Giants are in town for a big series with the Cubs. It’s tempting to call it a must-win series and that the Cubs have to win two of three, but really, that’s going to be true of every series from here on out. What the Cubs need to do is what Houston did a couple weeks ago and what the Sox just finished. They need to run off a real winning streak. Win seven or eight in a row. Get comfortably back over .500 and get back into first place. It seems easy, doesn’t it?
If only it were.
The Sox are in Kansas City and while everyone keeps waiting for the Royals to implode, they’re playing like they did in the glory days of Steve Balboni and Dane Iorg. The Sox are hoping they can avoid playing like they did in the glory days of Steve Kemp.
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Every Bears player is in camp, even though camp has only been going on for four days. Shouldn’t the Bears have called Steve McMichael and asked him to hold out, just for old times sake?
You have to love Bears fans. I know that other teams think they have great fans, but they’re wrong, because really, only Bears fans are great. The rest are just stupidly following the wrong team. My favorite part of training camp is listening to the radio and hearing callers debate things like:
Who should be the fourth and fifth wide receivers? Bobby Wade, Justin Gage or Ahmad Merritt?
The Bears only throw to Marty Booker, so what does it matter?
Who’s going to replace sack master Rosey Colvin? Brian Knight? A third down set that puts Brian Urlacher at rush end?Colvin recorded two sacks in the last eight games of 2002. You and I could get that many.
Can Kordell Stewart learn the offense in time for the opener?
How hard is it to learn this?
First down: Hand off to the A-Train for two yards.
Second down: Wide receiver screen — incomplete.
Third down: Throw slant route to Booker for six yards.
Fourth down: Punt.
If Kordell can’t learn that, even Sylvan won’t help him.
Will Dick Jauron survive the season and be around for training camp in 2004?
Considering that Jerry Angelo has already had a sign maker get the “Head Coach: Nick Saban” plackard ready…I don’t think so.
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Kenny Lofton is the straw that stirs the drink. Unfortunately, that drink may be flat.
The Giants don’t appear to be missing Dusty Baker or Jeff Kent. But consider this. Only a complete moron would think that losing a great manager and a stud second baseman would not only make a team better, but that it would force a churlish left fielder to become a good guy and lead the team to greatness.
Oh, wait. We have just that moron! Intrepid reader David Bohnenkamp passes along this link to an incredibly simple, vapid and all-too-predictible Skip Bayless hatchet job on Dusty and Jeff.
What is Skippy’s contention? That Dusty didn’t know how to handle Barry Bonds? Didn’t he let Barry have three lockers and a leather recliner in the clubhouse? Didn’t he coax two of the greatest offensive seasons of all time out of Barry the last two years? How nice it must be to live in the demented little dream land that Skip lives in. You watch. Once the Giants lose in the first round of the playoffs, he’ll spend the winter bemoaning the fact that Felipe Alou is no Dusty Baker.
The Sox trip to KC is just so predictible. This is a team that only plays well when they don’t need to. They’ll go to KC lose two or maybe all three and come home to die like they always do.
Rosey is full of pith.
The Sackman is taking his defensive line coaching job seriously.
Mike Singletary is taking his linebackers coach job seriously, too. Too bad it’s in Baltimore.
The Bulls hopes for a turnaround 2003-04 season were crushed when Fred Hoiberg signed with the T’wolves yesterday. Noooooo! Say it ain’t so, Freddy!
The T’wolves signed Mark Madsen yesterday, too. So now they’re very deep at white, useless, bench fodder. That Kevin McHale…he’s a genius.
Mariotti puts down the doughnut and notices that the Sox and Cubs are actually in playoff chases at the same time.
Mike Kiley gives five reasons why the Cubs can win it.
I have five also:
1) Houston Astros team plane crashes.
2) St. Louis Cardinals team plane crashes.
3) Pittsburgh Pirates team plane crashes.
4) Cincinnati Reds team plane crashes.
5) Milwaukee Brewers team plane crashes.
Willis McGahee’s agent says his client is ready to go. Yeah, what did we think he was going to say?
Peter Gammons says it was right of the Pirates to start over. Yeah, but Pete, this is the fifth time in eight years they’ve started over.
Bob Boone is out in Cincinnati (bad news for the Cubs) and so is Jim Bowden (good news for the Reds.) Check out the red ass diatribe that Coogi sweater wearing nitwit Rob Dibble goes in in the sidebar. He’s just so dumb, it’s painful.
Peter King is back to work.
Stewey gets e-mail. Who knew?
Pink says she and Christina Aguilera have not had lesbian sex. Yet.
Besides, if you’re going to be lesbian, you really ought to be a teen Russina lesbian like our friends in Tatu.
Don’t pet the tiger. He’ll chew your arm off. Ooops. Too late. You never listen to me, do you missy?
The Clintons are going to California to campaign to stop the recall election. Yeah, that’ll help.
America’s finest news source on the “new” New York Times.
Well, Skippy got one thing right….Bonds is a tool.
Ha! I’m glad I ran Bayless out of town for good. Now if only I could convince Dan McNeil to quit putting that hack on his radio show…
I think Skip ought to work for the Weekly World News with that crap he writes. And Felipe Alou says he doesn’t wear wristbands. Probably because he’s too old to remember where he put them.
You wouldn’t believe how hard it is to type an entire column with my lips stuck to Barry’s butt. Not to mention doing said column with one hand because my other is firmly grasping his man-meat. I LOVE YOU, BARRY!!!
Hey, I’m a nice guy, and I’ve crashed the Reds’ plane already, sort of, so the Cubs owe me a job. Gimme Wendell’s.
Sorry Bob, we’re out of uniforms.
Speaking of Cubs coaches, does anybody know just exactly who this "Martinez" character is who hangs around the Cubs dugout, generally near Sosa? I have heard he’s a member of Sammy’s entourage, but MLB won’t let Dusty’s pal Sonny Jackson suit up as a coach during the game, so what does this guy do? He used to have "BC" where his uniform number normally would be, now I think he wears #80.
You no understand Dave B. Martinez is muy importante to me. He is my compadre and he makes sure that I don’t use the wrong bat. So far he’s only led me astray once.
Bud Selig tell me I can let Martinez sit on the bench. So I’ve got a note. I can show you if you want me to.
I love myself,
Sammy
Hey Skippy B, I heard your interview on the Mike North show from yesterday (it was replayed on the Boers & Berstein show today)where you basically read your article on air. Were you too busy even to paraphrase the damn thing? What a hack.
Hey Skippy B, I heard your interview on the Mike North show from yesterday (it was replayed on the Boers & Berstein show today)where you basically read your article on air. Couldn’t you have at least paraphrased the damn thing? What a hack.
Thanks for the love in your e-mail addy, but even I and my toupee only post once.
Sorry Bernie, I goofed up.
The hiring of Skip Bayless when I left to follow golf full time made sense to most Chicago fans. This is a breed of people used to replacing superstars with no-talent hacks.
When Greg Maddux left for warmer climes and greatness, the Cubs brought in sore-armed Jose Guzman. When Jeremy Roenick left the Blackhawks for warmer climes in Phoenix and a team going nowhere, Dollar Bill Wirtz brought in Alex Zhamnov. When Wilbur Marshall left the Bears for Joe Gibbs, Mike Ditka brought in no one.
When the Bulls lost Michael Jordan to golf a few years ago, they brought in Larry Krystkowiak. Unsatisfied with the guy they brought in to ruin the team, Jordan came back again. Jerry Krause got it right the second time when an exiting Jordan gave us Kornel David and one of the Barry boys.
So when I left, the hiring of Skip Bayless surprised no one. He was overpaid. He was overhyped. He was even susceptible to injury as he showed during an afternoon drive to Platteville. Most of all, he couldn’t perform. When the Trib replaced Bernie with Michael Holley, no one batted an eye. The city was already preparing to replace Sammy Sosa with Angel Echavarria and Mark Prior with Sergio Mitre. Come to think of that, Bruce Kimm did just that with Sosa late in a close game last year. And didn’t Mitre start in Prior’s place.
But something amazing happened. The Tribune cut their losses and let Bayless go. It took a couple years of eye-bleeding pain for it to happen, but the Trib learned its lesson, needing only a few weeks to send Michael Holley packing.
It’s a trend worth starting in this city. Imagine what life would be like if the Bulls did that with Brad Sellers, the Bears did that with Rick Mirer and Cade McNown, and the Cubs did that with Bobby Hill.
We might not have lost those years off our life watching this crap.
Bernie, it’s "toupee and I."
Didn’t you learn anything in college?
Michael,
Get a haircut, pal. Boston’s an appropriate place for you. I went out there once to taste a pie a short quarterback force-fed me.
You made a mark in your 12 hours in Chicago. It was as pleasant as a layover in Dubuque or five minutes with a North Avenue streetworker.
Let’s review your earth-shaking column written while in Chicago.
"The Bears have never been known for brainy safeties," you wrote, forgetting about a domer known as Dave Duerson, a Yalie named Gary Fencik, a smart kid for going to Ohio State Doug Plank, not to mention Richard Pettibon, whose defensive expertise later made him a great coordinator and bad head coach.
Have some more chowder. I need to write about Jake Plummer or something.
Hey, what the hell are you guys complaining about?!? I got shoved out of the regular sports section and shifted over to the Red Eye, which is so popular that they give them away at the train stations downtown. Jeez, I wonder if they need a sports columnist over at Streetwise.
In the new Collective Bargaining Agreemnet, there will be a salary cap exemption specifically for the "white, useless bench fodder" role.
Why else would Houston sign Eric Piatkowski, and Indiana trade for Bruno Sundov. Or the Clippers hire Mike Dunleavy?
Rosenbloom, you need to kiss the right people’s asses and get a great retirement gig. Right now, I work for Chub Feeney’s office as National League Historian. Right now, I am comparing the season Omar Moreno is having to Honus Wagner.
Do you think Dave Concepcion will lead the league in fielding percentage this year?
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