On Sunday, after yet another Bears’ loss that fell just short of a kick in our collective nuts, the Associated Press ran this photo and this caption.
“Chicago Bears coach Lovie Smith walks off the field after the Bears’ 20-10 loss to the Cleveland Browns on Sunday, Oct. 9, 2005, in Cleveland. The Bears led late in the game, but two touchdown passes by Browns quarterback Trent Dilfer to Antonio Bryant in the closing minutes gave Cleveland its first home win of the season. (AP Photo/Mark Duncan)”
Losing can change a man. But not that much. I’m sure there are times that Lovie wishes he were running backs coach Tim Spencer, but that doesn’t make it so.
I missed the Bears’ game on Sunday, well, part of it anyway. I was on the road to Indianapolis listening to Jeff Joniak and Tom Thayer which means, I have no idea what happened, I just know it was bad. Something about the Bears not only blowing their 10-6 fourth quarter lead but blowing it so hard that they lost by 10 points. All I heard was Joniak screeching in that voice that must drive dogs to suicide and Thayer pretending we give a damn about offensive line play over and over and over again. The only time we care is when they do something stupid like give up a sack or get a holding penalty that brings back a touchdown. So unless you’re going to blame one of them for something, nobody gives a rat’s ass.
About the same time, in Houston, former Cubs’ underachieving flamethrower/manwhore, Kyle Farnsworth was coming in to game four of the NLDS to stop an eighth inning Astros rally. No big deal, the Farns had a five run lead to work with. Unless he gave up a grand slam, there was no way the Astros were coming back.
Oops.
Even after Fat Lance hit his grand slam, the Farns still had a lead and was still pitching to a pop-gun Astros offense. Who’s gonna get him at the bottom of the order in the ninth? Brad Ausmus? Hah! Never gonna happen. It’s not like he’s going to homer to one of the deepest parts of the park, or anything.
Oops.
On Sunday, before I left I was talking to my dad and he was lamenting the fact that the Cubs got “nothing” for the Farns and that he was now closing in Atlanta and how he just knew that it was another Cubs’ dud who was going to blossom someplace else. I just assured dad that Kyle was too dumb to haunt the Cubs that way. The only way the trade was going to hurt the Cubs was if Kyle was pitching against a team that the Cubs needed to lose.
Three hours later, Kyle was proving me right on both counts.
Yesterday, on the way back I was stuck listening to Mike Murphy give a “true Sox fans” quiz. Murph thought that unless you could answer the questions, you should not be allowed into US Cellular for game one of the ALCS. There’s a problem with this. The true Sox fans are the ones who show up all the time. It’s why two thirds of the park is empty most of the time. Sometimes more, like on half-price night or if the guys bring their parole officers.
I knew most of the questions:
Who scored the winning run when the Sox clinched the division in 1983?
Easy, it was Julio Cruz.
Who drove him in?
Harold Baines
What former Sox reliever was discovered while playing softball?
Kevin Hickey
How long was the longest game, who ended it and who was it against?
Twenty-five innings, Harold Baines, the Brewers.
A Cubs’ fan snuck in to bring up Tito Landrum, and there was stuff about Jim Landis and Jungle Jim Rivera and it went on and on.
It made me realize how dumb it is to root against the White Sox in the playoffs. How insecure and immature it is to root for a team from our beloved Chicago. Do we really want some team from LA to go to another World Series?
Well, yes, we do. I don’t care if it’s dumb, or insecure or immature. It is what it is. We root against them, they root against us, it’s what makes the world go around.
The mere fact that Chicago baseball fans know a lot about both teams doesn’t mean they root for both of them.
The Sox can win a pennant and a World Series and I won’t care. But that won’t happen until after the Cubs get to do it first.
Until then, we’ll have nights like last night when the Sox Cubs-like inability to get down a bunt or hit a salad-tosser like Paul Byrd isn’t tragic, it’s hilarious.
Besides, it’s not like Sox players are diving into Boston Harbor to save drowning ladies, are they?
Nomar would have gotten there sooner but he had to back away from the ledge to adjust his batting gloves before he could jump in.
So let me get this straight, Yankees general manager Brian Cashman’s contract expires on Halloween and he was asked after the Angels booted the Yankees from the playoffs (again) if he was coming back and Brian started crying. People are interpreting that to mean he’s leaving. But I would think him crying would indicate he’s signed up for five more years of being Big Stein’s whipping boy.
The Boy Wonder is also a free agent on Halloween in Boston. I’m sure Theo’s not going anywhere, but it is curious that they haven’t exactly swooped in and given a contract extension to the guy who led the Red Sox to their first world title in 86 years. Could it be because an objective look at what Theo has done sort of makes it look like he lucked into that championship? This is a guy who tried to trade the guy who pitched and won the ALCS and World Series clinchers, just two months before they happened. He waived the World Series MVP the offseason before where he could have been had to anyone willing to take his salary.
Nah. It was all a grand plan.
Larry Rothschild is coming back for one more season with the Cubs. He was offered a multi-year deal to be on Jim Leyland’s staff in Detroit. Honestly, is this a tough decision? If you were offered a weekend vacation in Chicago or a three week one in Detroit, you’re taking the weekend in Chicago, right? I was all for Larry leaving until it was pointed out to me that the Cubs would be promoting minor league pitching coach Rick Kranitz to the top spot. Since the only pitchers who get injured more often than Cubs’ major leaguers are Cubs’ minor leaguers, I’d just as soon stick with Larry.
The Cubs are also bringing back all of their other coaches, so we know that the baserunning and hitting will continue to suck. Ahhh, 2006 is going to be great!
OK, by now you are wondering what the hell the new Desipio Media Venture is. Nothing can kill one site faster than branching off and trying to do two at the same time, right? Well, yes and…yes. Over the years, intentionally or not Desipio.com has become first and foremost a Cubs’ site. Whenever Matt would post something on the NBA there’d be about three comments on it before somebody hijacked the topic to something really important like “You think the Hornets are bad, man, the Cubs just re-signed Jose Macias!” Jake, of course, learned the secret is to write your basketball columns and break them up with pictures of half-naked women. And he got no argument from me.
Anyway, later on today we’ll go live with another site. It’ll be like our version of espn2, except without Keith Olbermann wearing a leather jacket and making Suzy Kolber hide in the women’s bathroom crying.
I root against the White Sox because of their fans. Barry Rozner wrote in his column today that Sox fans were yelling “We hate Ryno, too” to Joe Morgan as he paraded around the concourse at The Cell last night. That’s just typical of the mentality they have over/down there. Screw them. Go Halos.
“It’ll be like our version of espn2, except without Keith Olbermann wearing a leather jacket and making Suzy Kolber hide in the women’s bathroom crying.”
But that was my favorite part of ESPN2!
People still watch and care about me? Why?
Nothing would be sweeter than to see the sux beaten by the angels.
That would make this season a success.
There’s no way that second class team is going to win one before
the Cubs.
I’m guessing the new site will be called, “The Ocho!”
We hate Ryno because we haven’t had anything even close to him in a century.
Have Matt and Jake been being stored cryogenically until now?
Haw-haw! Your new media venture is being compared to ESPN 2! What will it have, Women’s Nine Ball competitions, and Xxxxx-treem!â„¢ Sportz?
Can you also launch a Page 2, like ESPN.com?
It could include the following journalists:
> B.C.’s rambling “articles” about Playstation, college life, journalism 101, and casual, yet consistent shoutouts to Illini sports.
> Chuck’s very own controversial Scoops-Jackson-esque “Oy, Gevelt!” column where Chuck waxes about the world of sports, all filtered through the eyes of a whiny Jew.
> Mike D.’s Cubs Comedy Corner where he whips himself into a frenzy over the terrible, awful, UNFORGIVEABLE travesties of being a Cubs fan and why he is personally wronged by the Tribune Company, Andy McFail (tee-hee!), Dusty Baker, and Larry Fraudschild®.
> Dave B.’s Weekly column “Love Note to Iowa, Written from the Heart of Dave B., in the Heart of Iowa.”
> Kelly Dwyer’s Fashion Tips and all the attendant how-to’s on proper hair gel application to get that “just rolled out of bed at 2 p.m.” look that is all the rage with the hipster set.
> Uncouth Sloth’s Fiercy, Fiesty Takes, consisting of Sloth’s unwavering pursuit of being a purveyor of all things jail-bait.
I assume there are many more columns in the works… Keep up the great work, Andy.
“filtered through the eyes of a whiny Jew.”
Is there another way?
Hey Fraudschild’s mine dammit. No registering the trademark.
Thanks for the shout-out, Nelson. I’m not sure that I convey a “love” of Iowa, but to each his own.
No, we hate Ryno because he’s overrated and let Palmerio and Davy Martinez have a slap and tickle with his first wife and did nothing about it.
And before you jump on the overrated comment, yes we haven’t had anyone at second base in a very long time.
Hey now, I am upset at the terrible way I have been stereotyped here.
First off, I do NOT own a PlayStation and never have.
Second, the U of I does NOT offer Journalism 101.
Third, I have probably been just as critical about Illini sports as I have been supportive here on Desipio.
So there…
Good thing I didn’t have a groin left to tear when I was in the water.
Ahem.
Did somebody just say overrated?
I’m on a team full of losers. I am a golden god!
I hear you can charter a boat on Lake Michigan. Why am I mentioning this? No reason.
“Nomar would have gotten there sooner but he had to back away from the ledge to adjust his batting gloves before he could jump in.”
Now that’s some classic Desipio media right there.
Who knew that there was a White Sox curse. Thanks Fox, without you I wouldn’t know what to believe.
Hey….I had more hits and all-star appearances that Ryno.
I also scored 39 more runs in 1100 fewer plate appearances than the beloved Nellie Fox. And while Fox played in a league with only 8 teams (allowing for more open all-star spots), I played in a league with 12 and later 14 teams.
So suck it Nellie, you corpse.
I’ve got both you suckholes beat. I’ve got a better glove than Ryno and I’ve been dead longer than Fox.
I agree Kenny. But I never took aviation up as a hobby nor did I get into chewing tobacco. So I had that going for me, which was nice.
And luckily Cindy never passed anything on to me either.
You think you’d have been that upset when Raffy was yelling that to your first wife.
And please don’t compare me to your current wife by calling me a corpse. I look better dead than you do alive.
Shit! Unemployed again! Maybe I can get a job writing for the new Internet site spinoff!
If it ever starts up.
Not trying to pull a BC here, but dammit, I don’t use hair gel.
(just going to type it out to save someone else the time)
I use whatever Matt Morris leaves in there to style my coif.
Who’s got me in the Dead Pool?!!
It’s another sad but good day. The Cubs resigned a bunch of goofs again for their coaching staff. It might be worth seeing these fucks get their asscanned along with Jim Hendry and Andy MacFail midway through next season.
It was a good day yesterday evening watching the Sux lose to the Angels. How can you not hit off anything Paul Byrd throws to you? That is such a Cub move. But it would be so sweet if the Angels sweep the Sux and the Assholes swep the Red Satanic Fowl. That might be the only justice to this season.
P.S. How can Nomar save two women from drowning but yet when it comes to staying healthy in baseball, he can’t save his life?
Baker Basher
I wish Nomar would have taught me how to swim.
Hey Olin,
You didn’t drown dumbass! You and me were decapitated because we crashed into a pier boating at like 40 mph while it was dark out and we were drunk as skunks.
Ojeda was right. We should have had Fred Smoot plan our boat ride.
I could have used a lifeguard like Nomar.
Sure, it takes some courage if you know how to swim to save drowning people. But real heroes like me, we don’t even bother to learn how to swim. Or even float.
Hey guys, remember me?? I used to play for the Cubbies. Anyway, consider yourselves all invited:
http://www.anaffairtoremember.com/shannonandjason/
I know Jason plays for the Indians, but he has this Portland Beaver No. 1 in his heart
Hey, how can I get hooked up with a Fred Smoot?
I set the wedding for November so as not to conflict with the Cubs’ World Series plans.
I got to be present for the death of two seasons this year. That was terrific.
Who the hell is Fred Smoot?
Dubois’ fiance ain’t exactly a looker. She’s no Sarah Wood, you know? But still, I’d bang her. Davey says he’s in too.
Nice to see I made an appearance in the photo.
If only Nomar was around when I… uh, nevermind.
I think it is interesting to see the crowd shots at US Cellular during the broadcast…..Lots of mouth breathers in the stands…even the expensive seats are chock full of badly dressed, supposedly successful corporate types. My theory is the big wigs don’t like taking their fancey cars south of 32nd and give their seats away to the slack yaws that work for them. Hence the drool shots of the crowd….not a good lookin chick to be found but I bet I could score some H or Crack or Meth or any number of illigal drug combo’s on the streets just outside the frigin “cell”. These guys will never approach the poularity of the Cubs….Why should we Cub fans be afraid of admitting we make more money, have better looking chicks, better bars, and a much better park than the Sox ever will dream about having. Screw the sox…Angels in 4.
Wait, am I dead?
Nomar, why didn’t you…oh fudge, Ted Kennedy joke already made. Laters!
That’s the black version of me!
Gotta admire the DuBois’. They registered for a $42.95 shower curtain!
http://www.crateandbarrel.com/gr/guest/viewRegistry.aspx?grid=8602271
I need a tureen for my urine.
http://www.crateandbarrel.com/family.aspx?c=385&f=6492&grid=8602271&fromGrList=1
Hey! The wedding invite and the wedding list have different women and different dates mentioned! I’m Al Martin, bitches!
After I get married, my surname will be far more appropriate. Poor Sean, I wonder if he’s really thought this through?
http://www.anaffairtoremember.com/cherylandsean/index.html