Just when you think it’s safe to abandon all hope, let the bitterness crust up on you like Carol Marin’s pancake makeup and pack it in for the winter, the Cubs do this to us.
We know better. We’ve seen this movie. It ends pretty well. If you enjoy burning wreckage and the end credits.
On Monday morning the Cubs had dumped five games in seven tries, fallen out of first place and were about as inspiring as a Bob Davie pep talk.
We made peace with it. You know, after trashing our living room to the point that it looked like a Motley Crue hotel suite. We gave the Cubs Live a cute little Death Spiral nickname and braced ourselves for another cancelled postseason.
Then, the Cubs humiliate the Cardinals in epic fashion on Monday. They not only pounded out 17 hits and 12 runs, but they struck out the Ankiel Monitor four times, amid a glorious H-G-H! H-G-H! chant.
That win seemed to put a little pep back into the Cubs’ step. So they headed off to woeful Houston and immediately lost the first game in soul-crushing fashion. Thanks for nothing.
But then they bounced back and won the next two. Now the Cubs are alone in first place with 16 games to go. Son of a bitch. We’re back to giving a shit again.
Now it’s off to the land of boiling Sudafed and “bathrooms” with crescent moons on the door. Four games in three days against a Cardinals team that hasn’t won a game since the NY Daily News put their golden boy on the cover and touted him for the fraud he is. He’s 2-23 with two singles since then. In other words, he’s been so bad that even Ronny Cedeno is allowed to laugh at him.
It’s time to throw caution, and good sense to the wind.
Oh, what the hell. You gotta die of something. Might as well be Cubs-induced.
Holy me!
Dolan!
Alive!!!
I still haven’t decided whether I love Dolan’s writing more when he’s optimistic or when he’s pissed. Perhaps that’s the sign of a great writer. I’m pumped now, Andy. Let’s win this bitch.
Get another H-G-H chant ready for me.
I will be at maximum levels this weekend, prepare for fellation from the national media. They love me, they really love me!
#3 – Dollars to doughnuts Ankle Bracelet gets a Standing O from the Best Fans In Baseball.
We like Dolan’s writing best when he’s, well, you know….writing.
O to chant H-G-H in the BUC II! The reaction of the greatest fans in the world would be priceless.
I like that Cards board…”if albert took roids..I am done with baseball.” If Albert didn’t take roids, then that morning deuce I dropped didn’t stink.
This was a great dose. Seriously, let’s go kick the **** out of the ****birds in STL.
Andy. You are right on with this.
I’ve actually got a few friends who aren’t paying attention because they’re 100% convinced that the Cubs aren’t going to win this division. How can you not just love every second of this? It’s the chance to go to the playoffs and it’s the GOD DAMN CUBS! I’m going to let them kill me slowly.
How sad is it that, win or lose, I am still lightyears better than the typical Sept?
Sports Illustrated says that I was so successful with the Twins and later the Cubs that I had the latter “within 5 outs of the WS in 2004.” The error in the year wasn’t their only mistake. Should’ve said “within 5 outs of the WS despite having me for a President.”
In fact, every good thing the Cubs ever do from now on should include the phrase “despite…” because there’s always something…
So very very true. It was unreal to see the bleachers nearly empty last September during those games against the Pirates/
You know I’m coming, but you still can’t help yourselves…
Ah, heck, I don’t blame you. Worth the risk.
Nad Punch?
Is that what those “It’s Gonna Happen” signs were all about?
I hear you, MacFail. I came within 30 seconds of winning a national championship. Look at me now – no recruits, coaches jumping ship & a team full of talentless shitbums coached by a buffoon. Good times.
I’m Bruce Weber & I still can’t recruit.
Cue mouthbreathing shot.
How can you not love this? It’s DIVISION ONE CAWLEDGE FOOOTBAWL! IT’S THE BEEIG TWAYLVE!!!!
Oh, wait.
Just wanted to say great entry, Andy. My thoughts exactly! Only better.
Bruce Weber = Baker Basher?
Eckstein can kiss my balls. He’ll have to get a ladder first, though.
Does anyone else want to see Sota getting a little more PT?
Nice work, Andy. Only about seven more roundhouse nad kicks left until we finally take the division. Bring your undersized protective cups, Cubs fans!
How about my effort on Ward’s double? Maybe next time I’ll play a little deeper but then I wouldn’t be able to make any “diving” catches.
Do you know the last time before Friday night that Carlos threw this few pitches and got through 8 innings?
Raise your hand if you said, “never” because that’s correct.
He’s gotten through the 8th with as few as 103 pitches before, but went on to pitch the 9th as well.
Mindless trivia for we mindless fans.
uhhh, me throw baseball?