Pitching matchup:
Ana: Kelvim Escobar 11-12, 3.93 ERA
Bos: Bronson Arroyo 10-9, 4.03 ERA
Lineups
Anaheim
Chone Figgins, E-4
Darin Erstad, punter
Vlad Guerrero, rf
Garrett Anderson, cf
Troy Glaus, dh
Jeff DaVanon, lf
One of the chubby Molinas, c
Dallas McPherson, 3b
David Eckstein, smurf
Boston
Jesus, cf
MarK BBellhorn, 2b
Manny Ramirez, lf
David Ortiz, dh
Trot Nixon, rf
Kevin Millar, 1b
Jason Varitek, c
The OC, ss
Bill Mueller, 3b
Go ‘head…swing me around in here!!! Ain’t gonna hit nuthin’!
Sutcliffe was just on the pregame saying that Anaheim has a chance to turn this series around because, "They’ve just been pressing, that’s all." Yeah, I’m sure being down 2-0 will really relax them.
I’m so happy that ESPN felt the need to fly Berman, Sutcliffe and Dan Jiggetts—oops, Tony Gwynn across the country to torment us this afternoon.
Sloth, you posted that about nine seconds after I started the thread. Apparently the dead cat hit something.
I’m doing a story on how Derek Jeter and the Yankees radar gun guy communicate during games. This is in my new book on the Yankees which I’m sure I’ll be promoting endlessly during this piece.
Harold Reynolds is telling us now about there’s a big difference between a 95 MPH fastball and a 97 MPH fastball. He couldn’t hit either one, what’s the difference?
I’m criticizing Phil Garner for using Brad Lidge in the seventh instead of Dan Miceli.
I will now ignore the fact that the guy who gave up the game-losing homer was Dan Miceli.
Karl Ravech promises to take us "inside Jose Guillen’s head."
Here’s a preview.
CRAZYCRAZYCRAZYCRAZYCRAZYCRAZYCRAZYCRAZYCRAZY
CRAZYCRAZYCRAZYCRAZYSANECRAZYCRAZYCRAZYCRAZY
CRAZYCRAZYSANECRAZYCRAZYCRAZYCRAZYCRAZYCRAZY
CRAZYCRAZYCRAZYCRAZYCRAZYCRAZYCRAZYCRAZYCRAZY
It’s nice to see that Doughnut Boy Mariotti isn’t completely obsessed with Sammy Sosa or the Cubs. See, he actually wrote one column this month that wasn’t about them.
October 8: Sosa’s early exit should be last straw
October 7: Leadership wasn’t Baker’s strong suit
October 6: Pippen’s golden moments trump his transgressions
October 5: Cubs intent on calling it quits with Sosa
October 4: Another disappearing act for Sosa
October 3: Time for Cubs, fans to kiss Sosa goodbye
October 2: Memo to Trib: Stone’s not issue, Cubs are
October 1: Going, going … Cubs deserve to be gone
Except for the fact that this was in his October 6 column on Pippen.
"The point is, Pippen eventually grew up and answered doubts about his heart, his priorities and his Hall of Fame worthiness. Unlike Sammy Sosa, who is quitting on the Cubs at 35, Scottie learned how to be the consummate winner."
If Sammy were a dead horse, I’m afraid Jay would be doing more to him than just beating him.
Andy,
You’ll be watching us, right? How about a GameCast!
Harold just said that the Red Sox have a huge advantage because they have so many defensive studs on their bench. "Late in games you can see guys like Gabe Kapler, Pokey Reese and Ricky Gutierrez getting ready."
Ricky Gutierrez? For what? He’s not even on the playoff roster, Harold.
Ron Turner’s on me right now and if he’s going to sit in that chair, he’s going to have to start crossing his legs. Yikes.
Have I made it clear lately that I’m a Red Sox fan?
Did you see El Pulpo pick up the twelve fingered win yesterday? Looks like El Pulpo is doing about 100 sit-ups a day. I guess those extra fingers help slide more food down his gullet. That sure is the fattest 12 fingered man I have ever seen. But hey the list is short. Does he have twelve toes?
Jose Guillen promises to take us "on top of Karl Ravech’s head."
Here’s a preview:
RUGRUGRUGRUGRUGRUG
RUGRUGRUGRUGRUGRUG
RUGRUGRUGRUGRUGRUG
RUGRUGRUGRUGRUGRUG
RUGRUGRUGRUGRUGRUG
Speaking of beating a dead horse, Bernie Dickless, I mean Miklasz, took another potshot at the Cubs in his St. Louis Post-Dispatch column about the Dodgers-Cardinals series yesterday. He referred to them as "quitters". Bernie should know one when he sees one, because I clearly recall the Satanic Fowl folding like a house of cards after the Cubs beat the piss out of them last September. It’s funny how The Genius is back to being in their favor. But the Cardinals never have any problems with their media because they are a bunch of cheerleading, front-running goofs.
Has there been a worse playoff team recently than the 2004 Dodgers?
Well, I struck out again. At least I won’t get picked off to the end the inning again.
Before this one is over I am going to perform oral sex on every member of the Red Sox.
Dave, the 1998 San Diego Padres with their infield of Caminiti, Chris Gomez, Quilio Veras and Wally Joyner were pretty bad. How in god’s name did that team make it to the World Series?
I think I had something to do with the ’98 Padres. So did Kevin Brown striking everybody out.
I’ll fit right in in that Angels outfield. What range those guys have!
Andy:
Don’t you see? Jay M. is just copying Ivy Chat again like he did earlier this year. If I can pound on Korey Patterson until everyone is senseless, he can do it to Sammy and the "Tribsters."
Well, if imitation is the sincerest form of flatery, I guess Jay has man love for my writing.
That’s just sick. On so many levels.
Bronson Arroyo has cornrows. He is in serious need of an ass kicking.
I’m weak. Very weak. Salma Hayek has stronger facial hair than me.
Stay home, Moises. Even Doc Brown couldn’t save your check swinging.
ESPN had to charter a military cargo plane to get us here.
I just said "cause celebre" and pronounced it "cause suh-leb-ruh".
And, I just said that the sky is the same in April and October. Apparently, I’m not an astronomer.
Berman, Gwynn and Sutcliffe means ESPN has to buy six seats. At least.
Ah yes, I remember my days on the ’98 Padres fondly. Hanging with my good buddies Matt Clement, Dan Miceli and Will Cunnane. And let’s not forget that was the year of the great Randy Meyers waiver deal.
Pedro Martinez’s head weighs more than he did in 1996.
I remember it too, Kev. It was the last time I actually got anybody out.
WTF was Pedro wearing on his head??
It’s baseball, wear a hat.
We’re crazy! We have so much fun! Look at us! Whooo! We’ll never beat the Yankees when it means anything! Ever!
Berman’s just insufferable he rambled on for nine minutes about how some of the Angels have hardly every played at Fenway and near the end he said, "So, what I’m saying is…" If you could sum it up, asshole, why didn’t you do it eight minutes ago?
Are you saying that Jesus Christ can’t get a two out hit?
After two, no score.
ESPN is a little "pixelly" right now.
According to ESPN.com, I was named after Charles Bronson.
Howch! See, I can’t even spell Ouch. Oh, I’m hilarious. I’ll have to e-mail that one to Berman.
I think we know who Arroyo was named after.
Balki?
Supposedly I was named after Dollywood.
Or something.
I just said, "I’m glad you’re enjoying October baseball on ESPN!" I think the enjoying part is quite an assumption from Mr. Fat Guy In A Little Coat.
We end up with them in NO UNIVERSE WHATSOVER!
Kinda like Schwimmer and Ansiton.
Yeah, huh.
Come on, you know it’s me!
I have no idea where the strike zone is.
A)![]("http://www.ocforum.org/portraits/scioscia.jpg"/)
B)![]("<a)
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C)![]("http://www.luds.net/gueststars/3/scioscia2.gif"/)
Hmm, 3 runs a game? Still think suspending me was a good idea?
I just yelled "mahn-stuh". I need to be tasered.
A) Mike Scioscia
B) Garth Brooks (nice rubber cleats there Grand Old Oprian)
C) Mike Scioscia again!
This Red Sox team is different guys! We’re different this year! Listen to me!
Where did all my readers go? Don’t you want to hear something funny that my dad said last night?
Don’t worry Bill, as long as you drop Bish’s name and my name in your columns, you’ll be golden.
Hey, tell us again how you have a friend who is also Peter Berg’s friend. Then pretend it’s not Jimmy Kimmel!
We need to borrow Jeff Bagwell’s fork, because we’re done. By the way, is anyone else suspicious of Bagwell’s power coming back after he started taking "cortisone" shots?
Scioscia’s a hack, I would have used four pitchers by now.
I gave Bagwell some of my "cream."
You gave that to us too Gary.
Tony Gwynn said during Ortiz’s at bat that he’d try and foul a few pitches off to let the shadows creep across the plate. That reminded me that Tony had a tremendous advantage back in the day. First, he could foul pitches off at will. Second, he cast a big enough shadow to eclipse the entire space between home and the mound.
The healing power of cortisone is miraculous!
Now excuse me while I attempt to superglue my arm back on.
Sutcliffe just said that if Orlando can get a hit here he would be the MVP of this round.
They don’t give an MVP for this round, so sure…
Your wrong Gary. Bagwell has been taking my cream as of late. He saw what Chip’s cream did for The Beege.
Stew-puhd Angels! They’s wahlkin’ ‘Tek to get to Cabrerer. Don’t they know he’s da reason we’s so wicked good?
Hey, don’t feel too bad Scioscia, I used to be a genius coach too. Now the QB I just benched is questioning me on SI.com.
They’re going to interview Terry Francona during the next inning. Just how much of a media whore do you have to be to agree to that? Even The Genius had the brains enough to make them tape his interview in 30 seconds between innings last night.
Just why do Fox and ESPN think we, the home viewer, are the least bit interested in what the manager has to say to the play-by-play guy during the game?
Jim Simpson would never stand for this.
I look like I’ve been drying my face with sandpaper. It hurts just to look at me.
I’m going to do interviews while I’m on the mound in my next start.
I never shut the fuck up anyway, I might as well have a headset on.
Fenway still has a "hand scoreboard."
What does some guy hold up fingers to show us the score? Don’t you mean "manual" scoreboard, there chubby?
Garrett Anderson looks familiar.
I hear a huge cash register ringing in the background.
Hmm, my first appearance in the playoffs is not exactly going according to plan.
Berman just will not shut up.
Shut up, Dolan. My call last inning was great. I was trying to think of something clever to say after Glaus’ homer and this is what came out.
"That was a…it was uh, um…that was really something!"
This is why ESPN can never fire me and my bosses all fear my wrath!
God I hate you, Berman.
They showed video of Scioscia yelling at the home plate ump, and I said, "Out of respect for Brian Runge, Scioscia came out to talk to him."
See guys, it was respect. So was the fact that you could see Scioscia say, "You’ve missed five fucking pitches now!"
Now that’s respect!
Sut just said that Jesus had to go to the chiropractor yesterday for his headaches.
Which prompted this…
Brad Maynard, Jesus Damon and I all have the same chiropractor!
Just what am I saving my bullpen for?
I can’t even score on a wild pitch that sticks under the rotating sign behind home plate. Somebody just put a bullet in me.
The only way I can get on base is to hit it at Chone.
Are there any biscuits left. Tony? Where are the biscuits? You ate them all!!!! What?
Are there any biscuits left? Tony? Where are the biscuits? You ate them all!!!! What?
Tony Gwynn’s voice is funny.
Now I’m not saying Bill Mueller is slow, but Manny flew out to the wall in left and Mueller had to slide in to home.
And if Mueller had scored on the wild pitch there’d have been runners at second and third and it’d be 4-1 right now.
He should still sue The Big Urinal Cake for not padding that wall.
What are biscuits?
Choice hotels are the finest place to take your next dirt nap.
"I’ve been every where man…"
Didn’t I look just like Terry Francona?
What are biscuits?
I just marveled at the fact that Scot Shields has won eight games and then said, "He’s in position to theoretically do just that!"
Theoretically, every pitcher is in position to do that.
I bought my last garage door from third base umpire Kerwin Danley.
Evidentally, I can neither field nor spell.
#87, I think those are Cherors.
Scioscia just wandered halfway on to the field to tell Molina and Shields to walk Trot, and I said that it’s the old "unintentional intentional walk." But really, it’s the old "intentional, intentional walk" isn’t it?
…when will Boomer say, "And the Angels will not defend their 2002 title!"?
Even though he should have said it in September of 2003.
Nah, the Angels don’t need a shortstop. No way.
Angels…
Who just saw the kid at Fenway in the Cubs’ Nomar jersey?
No, #91, what the Angels really need is an aging right fielder/DH with power. At least that’s what I want them to think.
How the hell did we lose the division to these guys?
Just a thought, a naive thought that just sprang to mind:
Would the Cubs market a bunch of Nomar jerseys if they were pretty sure he was gone after 2 months?
You guys think I can blow this one?
TJ, yes, yes they would.
Just like how the Bears kept selling Kordell Stewart jerseys after last season, right TJ?
The Cubs would sell poison in the concession stands if they could make money off it.
Whaddya mean you’ve never taken your thoroughbred out for a walk in the park?! I thought everyone owned a racehorse!
I’m a thoroughbread, buddy.
Mmmm…thoroughbread.
What are all these people doing at this stadium? And who is that jolly fat man talking into a microphone? Is that Santa? I didn’t know Santa was stupid.
Worst jingle ever.
Had ’em all the way…
Whoa, the Cardinals lost.
Congratulations to the Red Sox on their series win.
I’m headin’ back to Atlanta, Chippy!
Why thanks, B.C. Those words of congratulations have really buoyed our team.
Being of sound mind and body, I, Ken Caminiti bequeath my crack pipe to Karry Ling.
And I leave my motorized cart to Ray Lankford.
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