I really thought Carlos Zambrano had it on Monday night. When he managed to contain himself from trying to strangle the second home plate umpire of the night (the third if you heard Bob Brenly say that the ghost of Eric Gregg was calling the sixth inning) after getting hosed on too close to be ball calls on 1-2 and 2-2 pitches to Fat Lance Berkman. To Lance’s credit he didn’t fall down and pretend to get hit by a pitch. Instead, he struck out.

But at that moment I thought, “Holy shit! Carlos is really going to throw a no-hitter.”

When Carlos walked Bob Stoops, I mean, Morgan Ensberg in the eighth, I thought it was going to work out perfectly. He’d face one man above the minimum and strike out The Beege to finish off a no-hitter in which he’d have not only out hit the Astros by himself, but posted the best at bat either team has seen since April.

But, alas, it wasn’t to be. Preston Wilson swing late on a fastball that got just a little too much plate and Todd Walker nearly tunneled through the infield in vain trying to come near it. The no-hitter was over, and in very non-Carlosian fashion he shrugged it off, finished out the inning and hugged Dusty, as if to say, “I’m all you got, dude. You better be nice to me.”

By far the most annoying part of the no-hitter attempt was Len Kasper trying to figure out ways to let the viewers know Carlos was throwing one without coming right out and saying it. I know Len has talked in the past about how announcers get crap from players if they mention a no-hitter while it’s happening. But here’s a tip. It’s your job to tell us, the home viewers, the ones at the game what’s going on. If somebody’s close to making history, you damn well had better tell us about it. How would you like to have come home, flipped on the game in the sixth, seen the Cubs were way up and turned it off, because the guy who gets paid to tell us what’s going on was going all Marcel Marceau on us?

This ought to be the criteria. What does Vin Scully do? Vin tells you when somebody is throwing a no-hitter. If it’s good enough for the greatest baseball announcer of all-time, it damn well ought to be good enough for everybody else. The announcer can’t jinx a no-hitter, so how about telling us what’s going on?

First, Bob Brenly started trumpeting the company line about how the Cubs can’t bring Mark Prior back until he’s “overly ready” because with Kerry Wood not at full-health yet (yet? Will he ever be? Has he ever been?) the Cubs can’t have two short-stint pitchers in their rotation. First of all, that supposes that Glendon Rusch isn’t already one, and secondly, why not do this?

Why not pair Prior and Wood together? Have one start the game, then well in advance of him coming out send the other one down to the bullpen to warm up like he would before a start? Say Prior goes five innings, Wood gives you three, then you only need the bullpen for one. As Prior starts to go longer and longer you can either unpair them and have Kerry start games on his own, or you just leave Kerry in the bullpen. Hey, it’s just crazy enough to work.

What have you got to lose? The pennant race ended before Cinco de Mayo.

The Cubs only had two picks in the first five rounds of the draft yesterday, thanks to the free agent signings of Bob Howry, Scott Eyre (no problem with either one of those) and Jock (guh). So they picked a guy projected to go in the third round in the first round, then drafted a guy who will never play for them (at least not past this summer) in the fifth. You’ve got to hand it to the Cubs, they are nothing if not innovative when it comes to botching things.

Jeff Samardzjia is a great story. He’s an All-American football player and a top notch college pitching prospect. If he wasn’t destined to be a first round NFL draft pick he likely would have been a first-round baseball draft pick, so the potential is there for this to be a steal. However, there’s a reason no other team called his name for four and a half rounds. You’re supposed to draft guys who will play for your big league club someday, not somebody who’s going to be catching passes in San Diego or Miami a year from now.

I know, I know, he’s a white wide reciever and NFL teams aren’t exactly lining up four Steve Largents these days, but Mel Kiper’s hairdo is pretty sure that Jeff is not just a first rounder next year, but a high first rounder. Some NFL team is going to pay him a lot of money NOT to play baseball. While the Cubs are paying him a LOT to try to get him to play baseball.

Normally, a fifth round pick on a guy who gives you at least an outside chance at being a steal is a solid move. But when your fifth round pick was your second pick, it goes from daring to foolish. Which, pretty much has been Hendry’s MO the past few years.

Brenly noted that in addition to being a baseball player and a football player that Samardzjia is also a boxer. He, of course, had him confused with his Notre Dame teammate Tom Zbikowski.

Eric Gregg umpiring on Monday?
Jeff Samardzjia the boxer on Tuesday?

Bob, just because Santo didn’t make the roadtrip doesn’t mean you have to “fill in” for him.