A wise man once said what happens on the road, stays on the road. That man obviously never worked for Desipio. Holding on to information like meeting a goth chick that used to be a stripper until her ass got too big, but now she?s a flobotimist with an unhealthy appreciation for blood, but she really wants to be a mortician—-and get her boobs done. Well, that?s just way too much information about a recently divorced girl who was out partying while her baby was at home putting the finishing touches on his 1st birthday, to sit on and keep to one?s self. But what can you do when a girl falls hard for C-Mac? If you?re C-Mac you spend the rest of the night watching war coverage while staying out of sight in an empty hotel room, and hoping like hell you never see this freak again. And all this happened in Tulsa, before we even got to Oklahoma City!

So, after assuring Chris that the scary goth mom had gone home and was no longer waiting in our lobby for his return, we were able to hit the road early Thursday morning and check-in to our luxurious hotel that we were paying over $180 a night to stay in. The immediate benefit to this pricy proposition suggested by Desipio reader Cary C., was that it meant no cab rides, parking fees, or designated driver debates. Unbeknownst to us, it also meant we had a Starbucks in our lobby, we were staying in the same hotel as the Oklahoma Sooners, and most importantly the CBS broadcasting team of Kevin Harlan and Jay Bilas were milling around in the lobby upon our arrival. There?s getting things off to a good start, and then there?s Karma that will follow you around forever, getting a picture taken and briefly speaking with Harlan and Bilas was well worth every penny of a hotel room that we would spend less than 18 hours in during the course of 3 nights and 4 days. Do the math and you?re talking less than 5 hours of sleep a night, which in combination with unhealthy doses of Red Bull, brought me back to K.C. some 5 pounds lighter.

I also came back to K.C. with knowledge you just can?t get from staying at home and watching the Madness on t.v. For instance, did you know there are no blondes on the California cheerleading squad—only brunettes? Or that a bigger injustice than Coach Calipari failing to win his opening round game, was that the cute brunette Memphis cheerleader with the J-Lo booty would have to go home early, which meant two less nights of Cary and C-Mac jaw-droppingly appreciating her every dance move in the club? I was too busy watching the blonde from Arizona State to give her a second look. Most of this action took place in the Boogie Nights section of City Walk—-a multi-bar complex with a 7 dollar cover, that equaled the number of different establishments it housed. Both Cary and C-Mac have me to thank for our collective interactions with various cheerleaders, as they were both content to sit in the dueling piano bar, with the rest of the Liberace-loving crowd. If it weren?t for me, they?d probably still both be in that bar, and ordering drinks generously garnished with cherries. No, you guys are right—–great bar!

Although we had other recommendations and opportunities (Rane, Lit, BAR-OKC, etc.) we opted to close City Walk on each of the three nights we were in town. A must stop if you?re ever rolling through Oklahoma City. As is Whataburger, unfortunately for us we were at the mercy of a whiskey tango cab driver for this excursion which left us with a $25 cab fare. But we did get our Whataburgers, and we also rolled by the Federal Building monument.

I?m sure I?m leaving some other random, entertaining moments out, like sharing an elevator with Oklahoma?s Kevin Bookout, bracketing and seeding not only a 64-babe Big Dance, but also a 64-team babe NIT (the NIT?s Final Four was Elizabeth Hurley/Courtney Cox/Elle McPherson/Denise Richards), running in to the Vilanova women?s team, and much, much more?

Then there were the games. The opening round 8/9 overtime match-up between Cal and N.C. State may go down as the best game I?ve ever attended in person. Had Utah State pulled off the upset of Kansas, I?m guessing that might have eclipsed it. On the off day we spent 12 straight hours in the Varsity Sports Bar, even taking turns going back to the hotel and showering for the evening, so we didn?t lose our strategically located table. Aside from lots more amounts than usual of profanity, middle fingers, and Red Bull, we were able to escape OKC without getting in any real trouble. A high priority for any road trip. The guy vigorously rooting for Colorado State over Duke in the Varsity, and the guy who was randomly grabbing girls asses in Boogie Nights, should both feel very lucky to have gone home without any bumps, bruises, scrapes, or had it been C-Mac that called them out, hair pulling or scratches. It is nice to be back home, if for no other reason than it?s been a full week since I?ve heard Boomer Sooner or Rock Chalk Jayhawk chants. Ugh.

Since I rambled on so long about our roadie, I should probably just pick one Sweet 16 match-up to preview and discuss at length. Hmmmm, which should it be. I could talk about Butler?s Darnell Archey?s ability to put his whole fist in his mouth being equally impressive as his ability to drain pressure free throws and 3?s, and how I?ve yet to see Mr. Archey and SNL?s Mr. Peepers in the same place at the same time.

Or how about Texas-Connecticut, two fairly young, equally matched teams that could utilize a tough-fought win to springboard themselves in to the Championship game, and the uncanny resemblance of the Longhorns? Brian Boddicker to a young Val Kilmer.

Of course The Game, capital T, capital G, of this round and maybe the whole tournament, is Duke-Kansas. And who better to break it down than me. I?ve watched every single game this year?s Blue Devils have played in the States, and seen over half of K.U.?s games, the last two in person. People like my new best friend Jay Bilas, will tell you that the Jayhawks? A-Game will be too much for the Devils? A-Game this year. I disagree. At least based on what I?ve seen thus far.

Off the court let?s get this out of the way real quick, K.U.?s Crimson Girls and Cheerleaders, blow any Duke skirt away as soon as they hit the floor. Moving on?

It?s important to remember that the squad Coach K has been putting on the floor for the last two weeks is significantly different than the ones he?s used during the rest of the season. A 3-guard lineup featuring J.J. Redick, Daniel Ewing, Chris Duhon, and joined with Dahntay Jones and Shelden Williams, gives him four legitimate 3-point threats. It also gives the opposition at least two significant match-up problems. And with Nick Horvath, Casey Sanders, and Michael Thompson he?s been able to play physically and give up a total of 20 fouls without blinking. There?s a good possibility he?ll pick up another 5 fouls with the imminent return of Shavlik Randolph, coming off ankle injuries that have kept him on the bench for a large portion of the last two months.

Much of this week I?ve heard analysts and fans expect Duke to look for ways to slow the fast-break friendly Jayhawks down. I don?t think that?s what we?ll see. While Colorado State and Central Michigan don?t have the talent and experience of Kansas, they each boast talented 7-foot centers in Matt Nelson and Chris Kaman who played a critical role in their team?s offensive production. In order to frustrate these guys and limit their production, K rotated his army of front-line guys with the directive to beat their man up the floor on every position. Even if Duke guards weren?t in run-out mode, this forced the opposing big men to constantly worry about getting back on defense, and constantly had them grabbing their shorts.

I look for more of the same to wear down Kansas? interior of Nick Collison and Jeff Graves. Both guys are foul-prone and while Collison is more likely to adapt and make good decisions to keep himself on the floor, Graves is not. With Graves out of the game, the advantage swings directly to the Dukies. Kansas has no player on the bench that won?t be a defensive liability. Which means if Graves, Collison or both, pick up 3 first half fouls, you?ll see plenty of point-zone. Nevermind that Redick and Ewing dream about zones the way the rest of us dream about sugar-plums and winning an Oscar immediately leading to a make-out session with Halle Berry in front of a nationally televised audience. Ironically a zone defense will be more effective if used to counteract the Jayhawks half-court sets and absolute inability to shoot the three.

Only Kirk Hinrich can knock it down from long-range consistently. But he doesn?t have the shooter mentality to fully take advantage of his abilities. Kansas stays in this game if both Hinrich and Keith Langford take and make some early 3?s, extending Duke?s defense so both Collison and Graves can get jiggy in the paint. This quickly leaves Duke playing catch up, and if the shots aren?t falling, it could get ugly for the Devils early. Defensively, I look for Duhon to man-up with Hinrich, and do a decent job. Hopefully this assignment will put him in a mindset that the best way for him to take his team to victory is to shut down the opponent?s primary threat, and not by jacking 28-footers. Daniel Ewing will pick up Aaron Miles, knowing that he can give him open looks at jumpers all day, and there?s absolutely nothing that Miles can do about it. This leaves Redick covering Langford, a match-up that pretty easily favors Kansas. Dahntay and Shelden may draw straws to see who guards Collison and who guards Graves. But, they?ll likely start with Dahntay on Graves, allowing him to help Redick out with Langford. Regardless, with this line-up on the floor, Dahntay?s going to pose a larger threat for Kansas defensively. He?ll either take Collison out to the perimeter, or he?ll blow by Graves at will. Roy will have to pick his poison, making Dahntay this games? biggest X-factor. The second biggest being Langford.

I?m saying it right now, the way the officials call this game will have a huge impact on the outcome. Kansas? Collison, Graves, and Hinrich have all had foul troubles at different times of the year, as has Duke?s Jones, Sanders and Williams. While Duke is better prepared to deal with putting a starter on the bench, I?m sure they?re hoping Dahntay has no use for his warm ups once the ball is tipped.

All that said, I do feel pretty good about Duke?s chances despite the fact that they?re getting points in Vegas and they?ll be the team in the dark jerseys (hopefully blue, and not black). Kansas fans are collectively overconfident, meaning that Coach K has one more motivational tool at his disposal than normal at this time of year. Had you told me that a season after losing Carlos Boozer, Jay Williams, and that skinny punk white kid, I?d have been content with a Sweet 16 appearance. But now there?s nothing I?d like more than to see Roy go to 0-4 against Coach K, and videotape his blubbering press conference where he talks about how lucky he is to have coached two players like Collison and Hinrich, sniff, sniff. I?ve got a gut feeling that we?re less than 12 hours away from an instant classic, prepare yourselves accordingly.