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Poll

How do you wipe?

Standing—Hollywood style
Sitting—the humble, old-fashioned American way
Squating/hovering/can't make up my mind
Bidet
Can't reach back there, use the towelrack like a bootscraper
I only shit in the shower
A team of orphans swabs my dainty hole with perfumed chamois leather while I sun on the terrace
I don't

Author Topic: How you crappin'?  ( 65,112 )

PenFoe

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #105 on: February 18, 2010, 03:55:38 PM »
Quote from: Slack-E on February 18, 2010, 03:53:41 PM
Remember: sometimes poo, always pee.

I should write that on the back of my hand.
Or maybe my shoes.
I can't believe I even know these people. I'm ashamed of my internet life.

BH

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #106 on: February 18, 2010, 03:57:33 PM »
Quote from: PenFoe on February 18, 2010, 03:55:38 PM
Quote from: Slack-E on February 18, 2010, 03:53:41 PM
Remember: sometimes poo, always pee.

I should write that on the back of my hand.
Or maybe my shoes.

When you crap you stare at the back of your shoes?
You must be really flexible.

Gilgamesh

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #107 on: February 18, 2010, 04:13:31 PM »
So I just experimented with the sitting method, as advocated by Thrill, et. al.  It has it's merits, assuredly.  However, after two swipes, I reverted to standing for the final pass.  I don't know what this says for the hybrid method, but it works well. 
This is so bad, I'd root for the Orioles over this fucking team, but I can't. Because they're a fucking drug and you can't kick it and they'll never win anything and they'll always suck, but it'll always be sunny at Wrigley and there will be tits and ivy and an old scoreboard and fucking Chads.

PenFoe

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #108 on: February 18, 2010, 04:15:14 PM »
Quote from: BH on February 18, 2010, 03:57:33 PM
Quote from: PenFoe on February 18, 2010, 03:55:38 PM
Quote from: Slack-E on February 18, 2010, 03:53:41 PM
Remember: sometimes poo, always pee.

I should write that on the back of my hand.
Or maybe my shoes.

When you crap you stare at the back of your shoes?
You must be really flexible.

I can't believe I even know these people. I'm ashamed of my internet life.

Jon

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #109 on: February 18, 2010, 04:17:44 PM »
Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 18, 2010, 04:13:31 PM
So I just experimented with the sitting method, as advocated by Thrill, et. al.  It has it's merits, assuredly.  However, after two swipes, I reverted to standing for the final pass.  I don't know what this says for the hybrid method, but it works well. 

When I sit (per earlier), I always have to stand for the final pass or I feel like I'm missing some.

Pen, are you still monitoring your coworkers bathroom habits? Maybe you should remind them to always pee.
Take that, Adolf Eyechart.

"I'm just saying, penis aside, that broad had a tight fuckable body in that movie. Sans penis of course.." - A peek into *IAN's psyche

BH

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #110 on: February 18, 2010, 04:22:14 PM »
Quote from: Jon on February 18, 2010, 04:17:44 PM
Pen, are you still monitoring your coworkers bathroom habits?

True story. I used to be a consultant, working for a client in St Louis.
Used to work long hours. Around 8 pm, my boss, also a consultant, came and grabbed me and said I had to see something.
We ended up standing outside the men's room on our floor.
Out came a client we worked with, probably 45ish in age.
Bucket in hand.
In the bucket, nudie magazines and lotion.
Guy took his craft to a whole new level.
Kept his bucket in his office, under his desk.

SKO

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #111 on: February 18, 2010, 04:24:12 PM »
I had to skip a class last week because I sharted. I was walking, got about halfway to the building, felt the need to let one rip and realized that it hadn't been a dry run. So I just drove him. First time that'd ever happened to me.
I will vow, for the sake of peace, not to complain about David Ross between now and his first start next year- 10/26/2015

PenFoe

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #112 on: February 18, 2010, 04:24:33 PM »
Quote from: Jon on February 18, 2010, 04:17:44 PM
Pen, are you still monitoring your coworkers bathroom habits? Maybe you should remind them to always pee.

The first rule of bathroom monitoring is that there is no bathroom monitoring.
I can't believe I even know these people. I'm ashamed of my internet life.

Wheezer

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #113 on: February 18, 2010, 04:28:28 PM »
Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 18, 2010, 03:19:23 PM
That shit came out like a fucking garden hose.  Burned like a mofo.  It felt like pure stomach acid.

The pancreas of course neutralizes gastric juice, leaving undigested capsaicin as the likely culprit here. However--and this is the interesting part--internal hemorrhoidal tissue isn't "supposed" to have sensory innervation. Did it "burn" prior to expulsion?



Fascinating stuff. It could make a good board game.

"The brain growth deficit controls reality hence [G-d] rules the world.... These mathematical results by the way, are all experimentally confirmed to 2-decimal point accuracy by modern Psychometry data."--George Hammond, Gμν!!

Gilgamesh

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #114 on: February 18, 2010, 04:31:16 PM »
Quote from: Wheezer on February 18, 2010, 04:28:28 PM
Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 18, 2010, 03:19:23 PM
That shit came out like a fucking garden hose.  Burned like a mofo.  It felt like pure stomach acid.

The pancreas of course neutralizes gastric juice, leaving undigested capsaicin as the likely culprit here. However--and this is the interesting part--internal hemorrhoidal tissue isn't "supposed" to have sensory innervation. Did it "burn" prior to expulsion?



Fascinating stuff. It could make a good board game.



I should amend my comments to note that it burned post-expulsion.  Fascinating stuff.
This is so bad, I'd root for the Orioles over this fucking team, but I can't. Because they're a fucking drug and you can't kick it and they'll never win anything and they'll always suck, but it'll always be sunny at Wrigley and there will be tits and ivy and an old scoreboard and fucking Chads.

Gilgamesh

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #115 on: February 18, 2010, 04:33:35 PM »
Quote from: SKO on February 18, 2010, 04:24:12 PM
I had to skip a class last week because I sharted. I was walking, got about halfway to the building, felt the need to let one rip and realized that it hadn't been a dry run. So I just drove him. First time that'd ever happened to me.

Rule 3 of Old Man-Hood, per Jack Nicholson: Never trust a fart.

Rule 1: Never pass a urinal.
Rule 2: Never waste a hard-on.
This is so bad, I'd root for the Orioles over this fucking team, but I can't. Because they're a fucking drug and you can't kick it and they'll never win anything and they'll always suck, but it'll always be sunny at Wrigley and there will be tits and ivy and an old scoreboard and fucking Chads.

PenFoe

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #116 on: February 18, 2010, 04:40:49 PM »
Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 18, 2010, 04:33:35 PM
Quote from: SKO on February 18, 2010, 04:24:12 PM
I had to skip a class last week because I sharted. I was walking, got about halfway to the building, felt the need to let one rip and realized that it hadn't been a dry run. So I just drove him. First time that'd ever happened to me.

Rule 3 of Old Man-Hood, per Jack Nicholson: Never trust a fart.

Rule 1: Never pass a urinal.
Rule 2: Never waste a hard-on.

In one week Second Hand Lions and The Bucket List have been quoted.

Stew hasn't felt this "in" since 1969.
I can't believe I even know these people. I'm ashamed of my internet life.

Kermit IV

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #117 on: February 18, 2010, 04:48:48 PM »
If it makes you feel better, Pen, when it's a two-fer, I can't piss until there's been at least one splashdown.  But, yeah, I always piss.

I don't understand why we're talking about any of this.

MAD

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #118 on: February 18, 2010, 05:15:49 PM »
After a night of drinking at some point during the Summer of 1993, I had to wake up and drive to Delavan, Wisconsin to golf 18 with my dad and brothers.  At some juncture, we found ourselves on some distant hole--quite possibly the furthest point from the clubhouse, when I felt my stomach gurgle and a poopstrom coming on.  It couldn't wait, so I hopped in one of our carts and made a beeline for the clubhouse.  Upon reaching the clubhouse I hopped out and raced for the men's room.  Alas, I was a few seconds too late and I wound up squirting in my drawers.  I had to toss my boxers and finish playing the round with an unfurnished basement,  Felt better, though!

Having said that, I'm with Kerm.  Why are we talking about this?
I think he's more of the appendix of Desipio.  Yeah, it's here and you're vaguely aware of it, but only if reminded.  The only time anyone notices it is when it ruptures (on Weebs in the video game thread).  Beyond that, though, it's basically useless and offers no redeeming value.
Eli G. (6-22-10)

Chuck to Chuck

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #119 on: February 18, 2010, 05:21:15 PM »
Because the Cubs, Bears, and Bulls aren't worth talking about and the Hawks are on hiatus.